Author's Notes:
Not gonna lie, this one starts off slow. If you want the sexy bits you'll be waiting a couple of chapters.
Feedback is welcome at FrankKalau62@gmail.com. Thanks for reading!
I just stood there as Jon kissed me with no real reaction and he sucked on my lips like a vacuum. He didn't invade my mouth because he knew better. He just worked on my lips for a good 30 seconds before finally pulling off.
"God I missed you. You can't leave me without telling me again" He turned around, put his arms behind his head and looked up at the noon sky.
"I...uh..." I stood there dazed unable to process what just happened.
"Yeah I'm pretty great I know."
That comment snapped me back to reality. "What the actual fuck Jon? Why are you so infatuated with me? You fucked three people after I left for Scotland. What happened to them?" My blood boiled at his arrogance.
"Ok look Veronica was true but after her nothing happened with anyone else I swear on my life" He had his hands up in surrender.
"Like I'm supposed to believe that." I walked up my stairs in disgust. "Thank god Jenna told me or I might have actually fallen for your dumb ass."
"Now hold on a damn minute." I decided to stand at my door with my arms crossed wanting to hear this. "We aren't together you don't get to determine who I sleep with and I'll have you know I actually ended up regretting it."
"Forgive me for finding it hard to believe that you regretted having sex." I rolled my eyes as I turned around and fumbled with my keys.
"You can ask Kenny I swear." Jon started sounding desperate. "It was absolutely a mistake. Come on Jason."
"This is what I get for thinking you could possibly be different. Everyone at this stupid fucking school is the same." I turned around one more time as I opened my door. "Glad to see you were happy to waste everyone's time."
"Jason hold on..."
I slammed the door and that was that.
My head was spinning from the rage. I walked over to my kitchen to take a seat. As soon as I sat down I saw an envelope with my name on it. As I mentioned my parents were never around as they had some multi-million dollar business to take care of all over the world. Something about banks and a law firm, I never really paid attention because they did the same to me. I opened the envelope and started to read the letter enclosed.
"Hey Champ,
We're off to Texas for the next month so we'll be missing your birthday. Sorry for the inconvenience we hope that the money enclosed will make up for it. Have a party while we're away and just call the Housekeeper the next day. We trust you.
Mom and Dad"
I rolled my eyes. Why would they be here for my birthday on Friday? When have they ever been here for anything? I opened the envelope wide and found the check they left. They left me two grand. This was par for the course really. I could have anything I wanted if I asked except for the one thing I ever wanted from them. My home was hardly broken, my parents just thought that making money for our future was more valuable than raising me. The help raised me and that stopped around 8th grade when we moved into our current home. After that there was just some housekeeper that came by while I was at school every other day. I folded the check into my wallet and walked over to the liquor cabinet.
Dad restocked the cabinet before he left again. I have no idea why he does this when I drink nearly all of it myself but I'm not one to complain. A lack of real parenting lead me to develop some questionable coping mechanisms if it wasn't clear already. I was well versed in the world of tobacco and liquor well before my peers. You would think that sort of thing would make me more popular but it just made me look like I was ready to pop at any time.
I pulled out some top shelf vodka and poured a shot to calm my nerves. Everything was shit as usual and I genuinely didn't know any other way to cope except drink. Jenna was dating the guy that made my childhood a living hell, Jon drove me insane with his motives and to top it all off my parents still didn't understand how little money matters to me if I could just have a nice meal with them. I texted Jenna what happened with Jon, took another shot, picked up my keys and headed for my Lexus. Might as well get some food before I shut down completely. I expected Jon to be waiting outside but thankfully he was long gone when I checked.
The town of Astrin wasn't a small hick town like you normally see in the middle of Pennsylvania. We had Plainvell road with everything you could possibly want on it. There was a large park on one end and an even bigger shopping center on the other, with random assorted shops and restaurants in between. The Chipotle was in the shopping center so it was about a ten minute drive. I parked near the front so I didn't have to walk very far. The mission was grab a burrito and head home.
Somewhere between picking up my food and walking to my car I decided it was too far for my stomach so I found a bench and ate my proportionally large lunch. I hated eating honestly, it's why I was so thin. I didn't take care of myself in any way shape or form but between the cigarettes curbing my appetite and the booze knocking me out I just didn't care to feed myself very much. Sitting down for a meal by myself was something I dreaded heavily because it was my worst nightmare, me alone with my thoughts. Today my thoughts were primarily occupied by Jon. What an asshole he was. Jenna warned me about anything and everything Jon did to deter me away from him, and she ended up being right. I don't know why I didn't listen and let him play with my mind. I regretted giving him any form of attention.
Halfway through the burrito I felt disgusting and threw out the rest. It was a combination of my thoughts, the food and the vodka and I knew I couldn't eat anymore. I glanced at my phone for the time, "2:15". Jenna would be out of class soon and probably stop by to make sure I hadn't killed myself so I should probably head home. I probably had time for another drink if I hurried up.
Another ten minutes later I got home safe, I drive buzzed more than I would like to admit so I've gotten really good at it. The key is to take things slow so you have time to make small reactions. I threw my keys on the table by the door and walked back into the kitchen. My house was pretty big for the area. Ground floor consisted of a living room, dining room and kitchen like I imagine every other house of this size.
My living room was never used. Pristine white rug, two leather couches that look like they had been used no more than twenty times in the ten years they had been there, a glass coffee table and various paintings and potted plants to make sure the room looked full. The housekeeper did a nice job of changing out the plants every couple of weeks to keep it fresh should my parents actually choose to spend more than a day at home. In the corner was my dad's liquor cabinet. I don't know why I keep calling it my dad's when I'm the one in it daily.
Anyone who had ever watched a cooking show on the food network knows exactly what my kitchen looks like. An empty top of the line double door fridge, a 10 burner stove that was never used for anything other than midnight ramen, several huge black marble counters and plenty of space for the non-existent appliances and cookware in drawers and cabinets. There was a nice circular table in the dining room right next to the kitchen, again maintained but never used.
I sat on the couch with a bottle of bourbon and took a gulp. I was just so fucking mad over everything that had happened today I honestly just wanted to pass out and wake up in the morning. About an hour of me sitting in the daylight and I began to wonder where Jenna was. I popped out my phone and shot her a quick text.
"Where r u? I'm bored." I shot out immediately.
"Sorry hun. Mark wanted to hit the gym early today, I'll see if I can stop by before work, I close from six to eleven tonight."
Fucking Houston ruining my life again. I took a larger drink from the bottle to suppress my anger. What a fucking piece of shit. He just had to make me miserable at any chance he got.
"Don't bother you need to do your homework." I managed to use text to speech to send that lie out. I honestly wanted her to come so I had a shoulder to cry on. I hated myself, my life, the person I was. I could have all the friends in the world and be happy having the time of my life. Instead I'm a fucking venomous snake shooting poison at anyone who comes close.
I got up from the couch, still clutching the bottle in my hand and wandered downstairs to my floor. I needed to lay down in my bed. Hopefully some rest would make me feel a little bit better.
A bunch of pillars holding up the house separated the two sides of the floor. One side was my bed and all my video games, my top of the line computer all hooked up on my 50" flat screen TV. The other was an empty space currently occupied by a cot that Jenna crashed on when she stayed over. To right of the cot was my walk-in closet and the left was my bathroom and the laundry room. I didn't have any decorations set up because I didn't give a shit what my room looked like because only my parents, the housekeeper and Jenna were ever down there. That was about to change though as I really needed someone to talk to after my best friend decided to ditch me for her piece of shit boyfriend.
I layed in my bed for another half hour and drank a bit more to numb my mind. I just didn't wanna think anymore. I just wanted to not wake up in the morning knowing nobody would give a shit. "It was bound to happen eventually." "He would have died of a liver disease anyways." "It's not like anyone actually cares." I had these suicidal thoughts constantly in my drunken state, it wasn't as bad as it sounds because of how numbed I was. I sat up and lit a cigarette. My parents bitched about smoking in the house on occasion but the housekeeper got wise and always brought some air freshener every few days to keep smell down. She loved how easy her job was and how much she was paid so she took little steps to make sure she wouldn't lose it. While I took a drag I looked at my phone, another text from Jenna.
"Thanks for thinking of me. I think your right I need to do my homework so I can spend more time with you during the week." I thought that was a lie, she just wanted more time to get fucked by that asshole. "I promise I'll be there after work tommorow and stay over. Just hold out for a day ok?"
Hold out for a day? She had no idea how fucking difficult it was for me to hold out for a few hours let alone a day. I decided laying down wasn't helping anymore so I stumbled over to my bathroom so I could look in the mirror. I honestly looked diseased in my current state, I clearly wasn't taking care of myself. Scrawny, could barely keep my eyes open, hunched over and pale as a ghost. I threw my shirt and pants into the hamper and stumbled back into my bed looking for my phone. I hopped under the covers in my grey boxer briefs and stumbled through my contacts.
"Hey."
"Whats up Jason? You ok? Im really sorry about today."
"Shut up and get over here, front doors open and im downstairs. Come get what you want."
"What do you mean what I want?"
"Just come here and you'll see." I managed to mumble before putting my phone down and passing out.
"Jason I'm here." Jon woke me up about fifty minutes later. "Where are you? I bought dinner."
He would find the stairs to my floor eventually, I turned over and smiled a bit when he finally walked downstairs with the takeout he clearly got from his place. He looked good in his varsity jacket and black slacks meaning he must have just got off work.
"It fucking reeks of smoke in here man holy shit." He walked over to me. "Are you ok?"
"Just get under the covers with me. Take off your shirt too."
"How drunk are you right now Jason?" I heard behind me.
"Why the fuck does it matter? Just get in bed with me I know it's what you want."
Jon shook his head. "I'm sorry I for what I did today. You clearly weren't ready and you definitely aren't ready now." He sat down on my bed next to me, caressing my messed up hair. "I caused this mess and I'm gonna stay here till I fix it. Where are your parents?"
"In fucking Texas for till October." I swatted his hand away and turned over. "Whatever you don't wanna fuck just get out."
"Do they do this often to you?"
"Who are you my fucking shrink? I told you to get the fuck out."
"Jason I just wanna fix the mess I made."
"You think you're my only problem right now Jon? You think I'm laying here drunk like a dumb slut because of some stupid fucking kiss? You're so fucking conceited it's disgusting." I turned over again feeling around for the bottle of jack I brought down. "Just get the fuck out of my house and leave me alone if you don't wanna fuck."
"I'm not leaving you in this state you'll probably kill yourself if you keep drinking like this and don't eat anything." He snatched the bottle off the ground before I could find it. "Geez was this thing full today? There's like a shot left."
"Lemme finish it you piece of shit."
"Absolutely not, that's suicidal."
"Maybe I wanna die now give me the fucking bottle." I got up and tried to swipe it from him.
Jon stood back and took a good look at me. "I had no idea Jason. I didn't know you were this bad off."
I chuckled. "Whats wrong? Not the fucking girl you thought I was? Not some dumb bitch with zero problems? This is fucking me Jon. This is my fucking life. Now whats gonna happen if you're gonna fucking run away like everyone else does. Like they all do, when they know I'm a fucking mess and they know it's not their fucking problem. Just like Jenna, she's gonna stop talking to me and stay with her stupid fucking asshole of a boyfriend. Just like my fucking parents. They realized they fucked up raising their son and just leave him to cope alone. Just like Nobody wants to deal with a piece of shit like me. I don't wanna deal with me. Now give me the rest of that bottle so I can pass out and stop hating myself for a couple hours." I was on the verge of tears. "GIVE ME THE FUCKING BOTTLE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"
He put down the bottle and moved closer.
"DON'T FUCKING COME ANY CLOSER JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING BOTTLE AND GET OUT!"
He didn't flinch and crouched down in front of me.
"DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND YOU FUCKING DUMBASS? GET THE FUCK OUT." I shouted in his face through my tears.
He grabbed me. "Shh...let it out..." I started bawling on his shoulder. "It's ok Jason I'm not leaving. Just let it out."
"Why do they not help me? Why does everyone run away? I'm fucking worthless. I'm a trainwreck. I'm nothing but a piece of shit." I kept crying, soaking his jacket all the way down his back.
"It's ok Jason I'm here..."
"Why? Why does nobody care?"
"I care I promise..."
He held his place for what seemed like an eternity. He didn't want anything out of me except to vent all my pent up rage and fear. After about an hour I pulled off and he made me lay down.
"You need to eat. I have some soup here, if I feed it to you do you promise not to spit in my face?" He smiled gently.
I nodded light headed not in the position to fight him.
"Ok now get up so you can get some energy to take a shower and go to bed." He fumbled through the bag of takeout he brought for the container of soup.
He lifted me up with one arm. "It won't burn you just drink what you can." I nodded and opened my mouth when he put the container up to my face. I managed to finish it within 30 seconds. I was clearly incredibly famished and needed the food.
"Alright now go take a shower. I won't look at you naked but I will be around in case something goes wrong. Is that your closet over there?" I nodded again, I was too exhausted to talk after everything that happened. "Ok I'm gonna get you clothes to sleep in. Now take a quick shower so you can get some rest. It's already eleven-thirty and we have school tomorrow." He helped me up. "I'm gonna go into your closet while you undress in the bathroom. Just a 5 minute shower will do now hurry up." He walked away as he said.
I stumbled into the bathroom a turned on the shower. The nice thing about my shower is I had hot water available to me no matter what. I just stood there for a couple minutes, dozing off until Jon knocked on the door. "It's been 10 minutes Jason come on you're probably shriveling up." I rinsed some soap and shampoo for 5 minutes and hopped out.
"Open the door so I can give you your towel and clothes." He handed me my silk pajama bottoms and an oversized teeshirt I won in some online contest.
I walked out to find Jon had borrowed my sweats and took off his shirt leaving him with his dark blue undershirt. "Sorry I'm not leaving you tonight so I borrowed some pants."
I nodded.
"Alright im gonna eat and go to bed on this cot over here. If you need me i'm right here. Get some rest so you don't look like a hungover mess tommorow." He turned around and opened the bag to eat his late dinner.
I walked over to him. "Jon..."
"Whats wrong?"
"Can...you...sleep in my bed tonight?"
"I don't think that's right." He shoveled some rice into his mouth. "You're too weak right now to know what you want."
"Please..."
"Will you go to sleep immediately if I do?" He look more annoyed than concerned at this point.
I nodded tacitly.
"Ok give me 5 minutes to eat then I'll join you."
I stumbled over to my bed and crashed on After a couple minutes of staring into blank space I felt Jon get under my covers and hold me. He felt so warm and strong, his arms holding me tight. I quickly dozed off in his embrace.
I woke up alone a few hours later hearing the shower running full blast. I looked at my phone, "6:30" I had an hour to get ready. I was contemplating not getting up at all today. Last night was exhausting and I honestly didn't remember all the details. I just wanted to lay in bed all day and feel sorry for myself some more.
"Come on get up." Jon stood there in a towel. I'd be lying if said he didn't look like a model. He had been working out his chest and abs recently because there was more definition since the last time I saw them. His arms looked slightly bigger too. "I'm gonna borrow more clothes then come back tonight with my own things I hope you don't mind."
"What?" I muttered unable to process much past how attractive Jon was.
"I'm not leaving you alone for a while you're way too unstable to do anything of the sort."
"You're fucking kidding right? What gives you the right?" Clearly I was no longer vulnerable and the hangover was taking over.
"Holy crap Jason I'm just fucking worried about you. Once again i'm not looking to fuck you, I'm genuinely concerned about your wellbeing."
He walked into my closet to find something to wear.
"Jenna's staying tonight you don't need to worry about me." I laid there not wanting to deal with the world.
"Yeah we'll see about that. I heard Mark is having a party tonight, let's see where her loyalties lie. I'm borrowing another pair of sweats, a shirt and a hoodie. That ok?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Mark is having people over his place while his parents are out of town tonight. I got the mass text last night when I was taking care of you. Fuck this shirts tight, whatever." He threw my hoodie on as he came out of my closet. "You took a shower last night just go throw some clothes on so we can go get breakfast before school."
I completely forgot that about Mark's party. But Jenna said she was going to spend the night with me....my head started spinning. Jenna wouldn't do that to me. She wouldn't change plans after realizing what I went through yesterday. She doesn't even know about my parents yet.
"Jason, come on don't freak out like this to start the day." He came over and hugged me. My shirt was easily two sizes too small and it was showing as it gripped his arms and chest. "I hope I'm wrong and she's here and I can go home tonight but I can't take that chance."
"Why the fuck do you care so much?"
"Because I can." He loosened his grip on me and kissed me on the forehead. "Because you're worth caring about."
"Stop Jon." I stepped back "We just went over this yesterday."
"Sorry, I'll respect your boundaries again." He turned to walk up the stairs. "Your kitchen is bare, lets go get breakfast. I'll wait upstairs for you just hurry up."
I groaned as I went to my sink to not look like a mess. Combed my hair in front of my face, rinsed with some cleanser and applied some eye drops to cover up my messed up bloodshot eyes. After that I walked into my closet and looked for my generic clothes. I decided on being a smurf today with a navy hoodie, light blue shirt and my favorite pair of jeans. They hug my ass well and felt like I was wearing nothing. After grabbing a pack of cigarettes I walked upstairs to see Jon waiting at the door looking at a photo of me when I was younger.
"God you were cute back then too." He gave me his trademark smirk before opening the door for me. "Come on we have like half an hour." I reluctantly followed him out the door and into his car. "Let's just grab a quick bite at Panera. My treat." He drove and within 3 minutes we were waiting in the drive-thru line.
"Thanks..." I mumbled as we sat there waiting listening to Spotify
"Huh? Sorry did you say something?"
"Thanks for taking care of me last night...it's not usually that bad it just..."
"Stop talking." Jon looked out the window. "I pushed you way too hard yesterday. I know it was out of line to kiss you and I'm sorry."
"I'm not that sensitive normally you know." I objected. "Yesterday just fucking sucked and I hit the bottle a little too hard."
"Irrelevant of how you get there, I was a part of it and I need to apologize. "Jon pulled up to the menu, we ordered some bagels and smoothies and we were on our way to school. He parked in the back lot, it wasn't that occupied yet and we were able to sit his hood and enjoy breakfast.
"That can't be all you want." He pointed to the fact that I only grabbed half a bagel out of everything available. He said he was bringing the rest of it to his basketball buddies.
"I'm just not a heavy eater. I never eat breakfast."
"Well that's different today. You hit that bottle way too hard last night."
"How about you stop giving me the third fucking degree?"
"Tough love buddy. We're still friends even if you don't wanna date me." He took a smoothie from the cup holder and put it next to me. "At least drink that on your way to class I promise you'll feel better."
"The fuck is going on here?" Said a rather familiar voice.
Jenna stepped out of the passenger side of a car a couple spaces away.
"Why the fuck are you hanging out with him?"
"He can fucking hang out with who he wants to hang out with bitch."
"Yeah just like you can fuck Vanessa the day he leaves for England right?"
"Why the fuck are you so obsessed with my sex life?"
"Because you're gonna fucking use Jason like every other fucking girl at this school that isn't me."
"And you know this how?"
"Because you're a fucking piece of shit Jon."
"Holy crap you haven't spent more than three hours with me over the past eight months how the fuck can you even judge me off that?"
"I call a user when I see a user Jon. Come on Jason lets go I need a smoke to forget about this piece of shit."
"If anyone's a piece of fucking shit it's you. You're dating Mark Houston and we all know what happened between them."
"That's none of your fucking business, and Jason said it was ok."
"Really Jason? Do you honestly find this ok?" Jon pointed to Houston finally getting out of his car and walking over to the shouting match that was quickly attracting attention.
"I...Jenna..." My head was spinning again. I didn't know what to say or do. Jenna and Jon needed to stop fighting. Houston needed to get away from me. Jenna was with Houston all night. She was probably going to ditch me to go to his party. I was at a loss of words and just wanted to fucking drink into a stupor again. I felt nauseous. I didn't know what to do.
"Look at what you did Jon. Now he's sick. Way to go." Jenna ran over to me but Jon stopped her.
"You have your boyfriend to worry about since he was more clearly important to see last night when your so called "best friend" had a fucking episode." Jon was ready to punch her in the face. "Go spend time with him. You made your choice. I'll be taking care of him from here on out."
"You can't fucking tell me what to do you piece of shit. Jason I'll be over tonight after school. I'll get someone to cover me for I swear."
"Yeah fucking right."
"NOBODY IS FUCKING TALKING TO YOU." She screeched way too loud for this morning forcing me to cover my ears.
"Just get out of here already. I'm sure you have Mark have party plans to make anyways."
Houston shrugged and started walking into school. He knew any words he could possibly contribute to the current situation would only make things worse.
Jenna came over to my side and hugged me. "I'm sorry I'll explain everything tonight. Please just make sure he's not there."
"You can actually just fuck off Jenna i'll leave when you actually show up instead of when you say you will."
"HOLY FUCKING CRAP SHUT THE FUCK UP." Jenna looked back at me. "I promise." She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek as I crouched down on the side of Jon's car. "I have to go now, text me if you need anything."
"You're so fucking transparent it sickens me."
"The feelings mutual dumbass." And with that Jenna ran to catch up with Houston.
Jon gathered the rest of breakfast in the brown paper bag to bring to his other friends then came around and crouched down to be at eye level.
"I'm sorry, I lost my temper there. She just hates me for no reason and I don't know what to do."
"Whatever." I looked away from him. My head was still ringing from the fight.
Jon got up and looked down at me and scratched the back of his head. "Everything will work itself out." He turned around looking at the school clock tower. "You have ten minutes to get to homeroom. Don't be late. I'll text you at noon when I get out and I'm taking you to lunch. I'm not taking no for an answer." He began walking towards school.
I really just wanted to go home and drink myself asleep some more. Within a day everything was spiraling into madness. It's been a while since I had been this stressed. I wasn't a big fan of people fighting over me and I definitely didn't have anyone to talk to now. There really wasn't anything else to do except pick myself up and head to class.
I kept my head down during class. Houston attempted to make contact a second time but I told him I was in absolutely no mood and would make sure we both got suspended if he tried. As soon as the fourth one was over I sighed in relief and on queue my phone vibrated.
"I'll be waiting out front hurry up."
I stood at my locker contemplating blowing Jon off. I really just wanted to go home and shut myself off from the world. I decided against it because Jon would just bang on my door until I gave in to him. I walked out and hopped in his car.
"I'm really sorry about this morning. I really just lose my temper when dealing with Jenna. I've never had someone hate me so much for no reason." He scratched the back of his head with his left hand as he drove.
"Yeah whatever. Where are we going?"
"I figured the Hog would be a good place to get lunch." The Hog was your standard sit down Burger Chain, they had a killer BBQ Swiss burger.
"So what is this another date?"
Jon turned to me at a red light. "If you aren't comfortable with going on a date with me don't think of it as that. I'm happy to be your friend...although after last night i'd like to think i'm a little more."
I perked up and glared out the window embarrassed. I had him in my bed. We didn't do anything crazy but he was right to assume things had finally progressed like he wanted.
"Jason? We're here."
I snapped out of my thoughts and hopped out of the car. Jon grabbed my arm and brought me in before I could get away. He must've put on some aftershave after gym class because he smelled really nice...there was that warmth I fell asleep to last night again...
"You're overthinking this." He said as he gripped me tighter. Jon was shorter than by maybe half an inch but that's the only thing I had over him. My small hoodie was definitely getting stretched out by his upper buddy and he was in complete and total control. "Let's eat and then we'll see if Jenna is waiting for you and if she is I can leave. Nothing crazy I promise."
I nodded indignantly as I rested my head against his chest.
"There we go." He released me from those strong arms and I felt worse for it. Then I felt bad for falling for someone at such a rapid pace just because they were giving me attention. "Stop thinking and lets eat." He moved to open the door for me.
Lunch took a total of 45 minutes. We screwed around on our phones until the food came out and made quick work of it. Jon mentioned how he was glad that everything wasn't happening during basketball season and he could relax with me right now. I had forgotten this was the year he finds out is OSU wants to pick him up.
"So what's the plan for tommorow?" He asked as I filled out the check. I refused to let him pay for three meals in a row.
"If you mean for my birthday, drink myself into a coma like every other day probably." I said nonchalantly.
"What if I had another option?" He said leaning back grinning.
"And what could that be?"
"I have my uncle ready to get us a room in Atlantic City if you agree. He's there every weekend anyways so it's no trouble to him. We could just spend the weekend on the beach and get away from it all."
"You think just because I was vulnerable earlier I'm just gonna take a four hour trip with you?"
"Maybe. Can't hurt to find out." He got up and put his hoodie on motioning me out the door. "Just give it a thought."
I rolled my eyes at the idea that I would take a trip with him after all of the shit that had happened over the past two days. The drive back was uneventful, both of us on our phones. He was texting who I could only assume was his best friend, me browsing facebook. We rolled up and as expected Jenna was pouting right on my doorstep. She knew where the key was but for some reason, she never let herself in. I let myself out slowly and looked back to see him looking the other way.
"Thanks for lunch..."
"Yeah yeah. I'll talk to you tommorow. Just let me know if you wanna go to AC." He didn't want to look at Jenna but I didn't have the energy to think about it as I shut the door and watched him drive off.
"I hate his fucking guts." She didn't hide her disdain for him on her face either.
"It was a nice lunch, lay off." I fumbled with my keys and checked for the housekeeper before letting her in.
"Yeah he was nice to Vanessa, Karen and Julie while you were away too."
"He's not my boyfriend, he can sleep with whoever he wants."
"He's going to use you." She was already in the cabinet eyeing her options. She pulled out the vodka, poured two shots and downed one immediately. "Come on today sucked and Marky wouldn't go to the gym with me. I wanna get buzzed." She handed me the other shot glass.
I shrugged and downed it in one gulp.
"You know what we should do?" She took the glasses and the bottle and walked towards the basement.
"What?"
"Watch a movie tonight!"
"Ok I'll fire up Netflix and..."
"No let's go out! We never go out!"
"But we're already drinking..."
"Oh, now that Jonathan Han is in the picture you don't wanna drive a little buzzed?" I hated this tension between the two of them. It really made hanging out with either of them incredibly awkward and hostile.
"No, there's a shit ton of things to watch on Netflix and I've been out all day. I'd also rather not have people see me in public now that everyone and their mother knows Jon is pursuing me." I grabbed the bottle out of her hands and took a gulp out of it.
"Ugh fine, but we're going out tommorow for your birthday. I know your parents gave you a shit ton of money since they're nowhere to be seen."
"You know my house way too well."
"Of course!" She came over and hugged me. "Now what did you wanna watch? I'm in the mood for something animated."
"We haven't seen Frozen yet right?"
"You're so fucking smart Jason holy shit."
"You're already drunk."
"Shut up."
I laughed as I pushed her off me and turned on my computer. My Facebook was open from like 2 days ago when I last touched it and I couldn't help but notice the dozens of friend requests I received. I guess everyone wants to know you when your schools point guard wants to date you. I shrugged it off and put on Frozen.
As a general rule whenever we watch a movie, we make up a drinking game. Every time a character sang, we drank. Everything a pet was introduced or an inanimate object was brought to life we drank. Every time a fairy tale cliché appeared; we drank. As anyone who's seen the movie could imagine we got trashed pretty damn quickly.
Two hours later the movie ended and we laid there unsure what to do next.
"I'm hungry..." Jenna moaned completely gone.
"Yeah me too, what time is it?" I looked at my TV to see it was about 6:15.
"Jason lets go out." She slurred and she rolled onto her stomach.
"We're far too drunk to drive anywhere." I picked up the bottle we brought down and finished it. "Let's just call in a pizza."
"I don't want pizza I want taco bell." This was a regular conversation, eventually I would give in and drive but tonight Jenna had other plans.
"I have an idea!" She sat up really quickly and held her head. "I can get Marky to bring us taco bell! Or even better he can drive us there and back!"
"Bitch he's not coming anywhere near my house nor am I getting in his car. God knows he would poison my taco and put pictures of me throwing up on Facebook." I started walking upstairs for more liquor. "What do you want? Rum or Gin?"
"I want Marky to take us to taco bell, but if you're gonna be a dick about this I guess Rum." She laid back down texting who I could only assume was Houston.
I came back downstairs with the before mentioned bottle and knew Jenna was up to no good when she had her pouty face on.
"Don't be mad."
"Good luck. He's on his way, isn't he?"
"He really cares about me Jason, and he's grown up too. He would never do anything to harm you and has constant guilt about what he did whenever he sees me."
"I'm sure." I poured both of us another shot.
"Look hun, he said he would drive us there and back. He won't say a word and if he makes you mad, I will never impose this on you ever again." She came over and hugged me. Jenna never asked a lot out of me but I could tell she was really happy about her relationship and just wanted things to work for her. "I'll be nicer to Johnny if you say yes."
"You swear he won't say a word?"
"Not even to order food he already texted me his order!" She shoved her phone in my face. She was the whitest of white girl wasted.
"I can't convince you, otherwise can I?"
"Oh, Jason I love you so much thank you!" She clinged onto me and took her shot. "To being the best friends ever!"
A half hour later Jenna's phone vibrated signaling that Houston was here. We stumbled out of the house arm in arm and I locked my door. She got in the front seat and I laid down in the back.
"MARKY IM SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE!" She screamed.
"JENNA YOU'RE SCREAMING!" I yelled just as loud not because I was drunk but because I was about to make Houston regret his decision
"I AM NOT!"
"YOU ARE TOO!"
"WHATEVER TO TACO SMELL!"
Houston didn't say a word like he said and began driving. I couldn't see much because I was laying down but I could tell Jenna was all over her boyfriend whispering something. It felt like an eternity before we got there. Half because I was gone, half because I had to listen to murmurs and giggling.
"WE'RE HEREEEE!" Jenna looked back at me laying down. "GET UP BITCH IM SO FUCKING HUNGRY."
I got up and walked ahead of the adoring couple. They would order their own food and I would get my own I figured.
"Hello and welcome to Taco Bell. Where's Jon?" Leena Patel, one of the many school gossips was at the cash register.
"We're not together." I flatted. "Just give me what I always get."
"If you say so. 3 tacos, a drink, and an order of Potatoes." We were definitely here way too much because she knew that by heart. I swiped my card and moved aside to pour myself a soda.
"I want...this is too hard I can barely see!" Jenna giggled. "Baby order for us please." She slurred.
Houston gave her a glare because all 3 of us knew he wasn't supposed to say anything.
"Oh it's fine Jason understands how gone I am." She smiled at me.
Houston and I looked at each other. I shrugged and went to get a straw.
He sighed in relief and ordered what I thought would just be food for him and her.
What seemed like an eternity of staring at the celling we picked up our food.
"Enjoy! Tell Jon he needs to sign up for Mr. Wilson next month!!" Leena was determined to get a confirmation out of me.
"We're not dating, I wouldn't be drunk on a Thursday if he had anything to say about it." I laughed as I walked to the exit.
"MARKY THAT'S A LOT OF FOOD IS THAT FOR JUST US?"
"No it's for everyone else. Remember?"
I knew it. Jenna was prioritizing her new fuckstick over me. She was now officially lying to me. She had no intention of staying over she probably would of just snuck out when I passed out if I refused to go to Taco Bell.
Everyone was quiet in the as we approached my place.
"Well have fun you two. Houston it was a pleasure as always." I said bitterly as I got out of the car.
"Sweetie wait." Jenna hopped out of the car mouthing for Houston to wait.
"Don't fucking say anything."
"Honey he wants to come to the party to show you he's sorry!"
"Don't give me that bullshit Jenna we both know you're lying. You had no intention of staying tonight. You were gonna sneak out later and go see him."
"Jason stop I'm serious there are like 30 people at his place waiting on us!"
"What on earth are you even thinking right now? You think I would even want to go?" I dropped my bag to the ground and was ready to cry. "You're lying to me now. After 2 years and knowing how hard it is for me to trust anyone you do this to me."
"I didn't lie, we both knew about the party and he's doing it for you."
"You know what happened Jenna. I can't forgive him."
"I....." she played with her hair again "I just want you two to get along because he's been really sweet and nice and he really hates what he did back then."
"Because of YOU Jenna. Because he likes YOU. He doesn't care about my feelings, he cares about YOURS." I picked up my bag and walked away. "Just get the fuck out of here, enjoy whoever's there and make sure you call me a faggot behind my back like you did 3 years ago. It'll be like I was there."
"Jason." Jenna tried to get out of the car but was in no condition to do so, those last few shots really must of done her in.
I walked up to my house and fumbled with my keys. I kept struggling to find my house key between my impaired vision and the tears coming out of my eyes. After 3 minutes I felt someone grab the keys and open my door. Houston picked up my bag and guided me downstairs.
"Your parents really upgraded your place huh?" He looked around as he carried me to the door to the basement. "It's really nice I must admit."
"What the fuck are you doing? You piece of shit, get the fuck out of my house." I mumbled as he opened the door and lead me down.
"Jason stop doing this. I'm not trying to be enemies anymore." He sat down on my bed for the first time in years so confidently. He just didn't get it. No matter how many times I told him he still thought there was something to gain.
"We aren't fucking twelve anymore Houston. I'm not your loyal lapdog. Get out." I sat in my chair and shot him as dirty of a look as I could.
"Look Jason, you're not in any position to kick me out. We both know your parents aren't home. Let's have the damn conversation."
"You and Jenna think you're so fucking smart."
"She actually had nothing to do with it but I'm not one to turn down an opportunity." He pulled out a taco from his bag and bit into it. "Let me first state that I was absolutely wrong in what I did. I was scared and I'm personally responsible for several years of your life being thrown away to the trauma."
"I'm not some stupid scientific study you asshole." My head spun as I attempted to argue with him.
"I'm not saying you are. I'm trying to apologize here Jason and you're not giving me the room to."
"There it is. You think you have a right to everything. You think just because you can stand there and look tall means you're owed something. It's always been this way. Even when we were young you only liked me because I did your bidding. I could never say no to you."
"I know." He trailed off looking ashamed. "It's hard to come by such pure loyalty. I realize that now." I actually thought I sensed remorse in his voice but knowing him he was playing the part to make me feel sympathy.
"Glad to see you realize it now instead of six years ago when I needed my best friend to be ok with something out of the ordinary. What did you say? Oh right. "You wouldn't be friends with a FAGGOT"" My blood boiled thinking about the day. At this point my tears had finally ended and I was able to regain the cold icy composure I had developed over the years. "Hot shot Mark Houston had all the fucking answers except when it comes to his own flaws. Come on. Fucking say it. Say how you saw me as an inconvenience rather than the guy you knew for your entire childhood that day. I know you're still the same person Houston."
"Come on man. We were young, I didn't know what to do."
"Your parents couldn't even believe what you did back then. You just threw me to the wolves over the fact that I was in love with you."
"I didn't throw you to the wolves you're being hyperbolic."
"Shut up." I stood up from my chair having enough of his bullshit. "You can't even fucking apologize correctly."
"It's nice to see you've grown a spine at least." He chuckled as he leaned against the pillar next to my bed.
"Kinda of had to grow one after you abandoned me."
"I'm trying here man. I wanted to throw you a party. Show you that everyone's grown up from those days. Nobody hates you like you think they do anymore."
"I'm not stupid Houston. I know nobody hates me. They're all just afraid of me. That's the problem. Everyone thinks I'm just going to blow up and go insane one day. Nobody wants to be my friend because they don't want to be responsible for that. I like to think based on the circumstances of my life that I turned out fine but I'll be damned if I'm going to forgive people who stood by and let me be ostracized because I'm gay." This conversation was testing the limits of my patience. I wished so much I could just throw a punch at him and get him out of my life again. "You seriously think that your friendship is some kind of gift to mankind. That your very presence is worth it's weight in gold."
"Oh come on you're being unreasonable."
"I'm being unreasonable? You're sitting in my house trying to apologize and somehow making it my fault in this apology. You're not trying for me, you're trying for everyone except me."
"You're giving me nothing to work with. Nothings good enough for you man!" I had cracked his stupid proud shell finally. When things don't go Houston's way he gets frustrated real quick. He's so used to getting everything that he ever wanted. Being an only child and a soccer prodigy means as long as you can kick the ball your life is pretty easy. Houston was in my court now and I was going to make him regret starting this conversation. "I made the effort and you just keep telling me why everything is wrong."
"Aww is this not working out how you planned it would? It's because you're still treating me as if I'm still in love with you." I tilted my head and smiled as his visible frustration. "You really thought you were the missing part of my life."
"Better than that piece of shit Jon." He grunted.
My eyes opened wide to the confession.
"That's it. You're mad that another guy had the balls to pursue me."
"Shut the fuck up I'm not gay."
"I didn't say you were. I said you're mad that I found someone else to care about."
"Get over yourself." He finally met me standing up.
"No, I think you're the one that needs to do that my old friend." I stared right into his eyes. "You thought you owned me. You thought you were the only person who could have control over my emotions. You don't anymore."
"So what? He does?" He took a step forward. "You're still in the same place, loving some guy and being at their mercy."
"You haven't paid attention at all then Houston." I shot him a wise as smirk as I turned around to look for my food. "You really thought you knew me after all this time. You haven't changed one bit but I have. I can defend myself now. It's at the cost of not being able to be intimate with anyone but it's a decent tradeoff."
"You're seriously happy with him?" He said in shock.
"I don't know Houston. What I do know is that you can't just waltz back into my life and manipulate me like you used to." I stuffed the cold taco in my mouth and it was quite possibly the most satisfying thing I've ever tasted. "We're actually gonna go away for the weekend. We'll probably be dating when we get back but I'm digressing here. I think we're done here Houston. You know what, I forgive you now. It's hilarious to think that it took another dude to pursue me for you to realize how much value I gave you after all these years"
"Whatever man." He moved, I assumed towards the stairs.
"You're welcome back when I get back from this weekend. We can try this again and maybe you can admit to my face that the only thing you ever cared about what holding your superiority over me. If you really want to apologize it should start there." I turned around to my computer and waved him off. "Make sure you lock the door on the way out."
"If you feel better, that's all I can ask for." He surprised me by putting his hand on my shoulder. "Do you remember what I also said that day at the shore?"
"You mean between you screaming for hours about how your best friend couldn't be gay?" I brushed his hand off of me.
"I guess you don't. I said you're smarter than you think you are. That's always been true and it's why we worked so well together." He gave my shoulder a squeeze before walking away. "You were so good at catching my flaws. You still are."
"So what? Are we friends now?" I laughed as he made his way up my stairs.
"We'll figure it out when you get back. I've got some stuff to think about as well." I heard his feet walk up my steps as I kept my eyes shut. "Have a good time with him."
"Lock the damn door." With that I heard the door close and following that the front door.
A while after he left I went to check to see if he locked the door. As I hit the bottom step of my basement Jon called me.
"What Jon?" I said annoyed as his timing was too perfect lately.
"What did Jenna do?" I heard him pick up his keys, that meant he was already walking out of the restaurant to come see me.
"Put your keys down, it was just stupid Houston." I rubbed my forehead with my palm and groaned at the mess I was in.
"The fuck did that asshole do?" He said righteously. "I'll kick his ass if he hurt you again."
"We actually had a decent conversation. He's still an asshole though."
"No way."
"Yeah I don't want to think about it now" There was too much to process. I didn't even think it would ever be possible to look at him amicably ever again but here we were. "Let's change the subject, why did you call? Just to check up on me?"
"Well no, I wanted to say happy birthday."
I looked at my phone's clock and lo and behold it was midnight, officially my birthday. "Well thanks I guess."
"Did you think about my offer earlier? Surely after all that nonsense with Houston you could stand to be away from everything even more now."
He was right, I needed a break from Jenna and Houston and school in general already. It's been 2 days and I haven't been this exhausted in months. Jon was the only person I could really confide in right now and this might be exactly what I needed to start building something with him.
"Well I did tell Houston that we were doing it so I guess I'm locked." I said reluctantly.
"Ok? So you'll come?" Jon's raised his voice and I could hear his feet hop off the ground.
"Yeah, just don't fuck this up Jon."
"FUCK YEAH I'LL SEE YOU TOMMOROW BABE!" Jon hung up immediately after screeching my ear off. I thought my Senior year was going to be the same, get trashed every night, go into school, wait for it all to be over. Now however, it was quickly turning into the craziest time in my life. I mulled over telling Jon I had changed my mind, that I wasn't feeling up to it but then my phone buzzed one more time. It was a short but simple text that affirmed his feelings about me.
"Happy Birthday. Let's make it your best one ever."
I had no idea where the time had gone. After putting on some fresh sleeping clothes I walked over to my bed. I noticed next to my bed was the clothes Jon had worn the other day. I picked up the hoodie and put it on. It still smelled like him. Between the smell and the warmth I was able to imagine him holding me as I drifted off to sleep.