Authors Notes:
The first half is Jon's POV the 2nd half is Jasons. Jon's POV will be infrequent but necessary.
My inbox has exploded, something I wasn't expecting. Thanks for enjoying my first writing project so much.
I can't actually believe how nice Jason's place was. It's hard to believe nobody lives here besides him most of the time. The back yard in particular was amazing. Marble railings, a pool that was half a football field long, and this grey stone dining table that looks like it was taken directly from a castle with ten chairs surrounding it. The parties he could have had here over the years would have been legendary. There was plenty of time to fix that though.
After I made it to the rail, I looked inside to make sure Jason had gone downstairs. Once I confirmed it I called my sister to make sure everything was set
"You're an idiot you know. Suzy's waiting at the mall already." My sister Karen immediately started with as she picked up the phone.
"No, I said we would meet at Ten."
"And what time is it now you moron?"
I looked at my phone and my eyes went wide. It was already 10:15. "Fuck. Does uncle know about everything this weekend?" Karen was my liaison for this adventure. I had asked her to come up with a killer birthday plan and she basically did all the work for me. She likes to see me be social and active since she never had the chance to with how well she did in school so it wasn't an issue for her. She talked to my uncle and got him to agree to the room and even got his daughter to help Jason with clothes because she happened to be in town. The issue here was that Suzy Han is a very impatient woman and hates when people are late.
"Jon everything is taken care of, you text bobo when you are at the hotel and he'll give you the key. Can you stop freaking out and just go see Suzy already?"
"The more I think about it the more I realize talking to her is a mistake. If I leave him alone with her for more than a second she's going to squeeze him for gossip like she always does."
"Better make that conversation with Jenna quick then!" Karen knew everything about what was going on with Jason as I needed someone to rant to and it's just so weird talking to Kenny about it when he has had no experience with girls whatsoever. "Suzy. Now." Karen hung up immediately leaving me to try and hurry Jason along so we don't experience Suzy's wrath.
I walked downstairs and yelled for Jason and his response was expected. I guess he didn't want me to see what was in that fat safe of his. I zipped up his bag and twiddled my thumbs waiting what seemed like an eternity as he looked for something important.
I said some things that I would end up regretting to try and get him out of the house faster. I liked the way Jason dressed. I wish I didn't care about what I was wearing every day. It was one of the reasons I envied him. He had a very simple life and plenty of time to figure out who and what he wanted to be. I on the other hand have a clock above my head ticking down.
When we got to the car Suzy called. I knew what I was in for as soon as I answered the phone.
"You fucking asshole where are you? I swear to god if you say Ten be here at Ten." She screeched at me as I walked to the drivers seat.
"We're leaving now I swear." I wimpered out.
"YOU HAVENT EVEN LEFT YET I SWEAR TO GOD JON I WILL..."
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Ten Minutes I swear." I said before I hung up not wanting her to explode on me. I looked to Jason next to me and I could tell he was really confused about my reactions. Suzy is just the type of person to ruin your life if you piss her off. I've seen it too many times to not be afraid of her. I didn't have time to explain our complicated past so I just gave him the rundown of who my cousin was exactly and warned him never to piss her off. I've never driven to the mall so fast in my life honestly but desperate times call for desperate measures.
In the half second Suzy saw me before Jason she gave me a death glare but then immediately went to her fake ass happy mode when she saw Jason. She introduced herself and gave a rundown about what she was going to do before yelling at me. It's common for us to speak in our native tongue when we're around people who don't understand so we don't look like lunatics.
"You FUCKING IDIOT. DON'T EVER WASTE MY TIME." She smacked me twice on the arm
"I'm SORRY. We got caught up in breakfast he was telling me something important."
"You're lucky it's his birthday or I would have just left." Karen must have told Suzy everything if she knows it's his birthday. These two girls gossip more than the cheerleading section at Wilson.
"You have exactly an hour. I swear to god if you don't come back, I'll show him that picture that Karen took when you got caught sucking that volleyball player off."
"I get it. I'll be back on time I promise. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I winced one more time expecting to be hit.
Before I knew it she was dragging Jason off and I was grateful and afraid at the same time.
It's hard to believe that all of this started off a stupid dare.
We had gotten detention from coach for horsing around during his history class and Kenny caught me staring at Jason.
"Whatcha looking at buddy?" Ken shoved me to snap me out of my trance. Ken is about 250 with a height around 6 and a half feet. He always had his brown hair short so he could have his snapback flipped. His acne problem kept the ladies at bay but he didn't seem concerned. He constantly assured me he didn't want to be in a relationship or hooking up with anyone, said it would throw off his chances at college. He was too busy ribbing me about my sex life anyways.
Kenny was the first guy to ever know I was into dudes; it was towards the end of freshman year when I started hooking up with someone from the volleyball team and I figured he needed to hear it from me. When I tell you that Kenny was my brother, I mean it. He had my back on and off the court. Thanks to his insane defensive game and his tireless work on his computer projects that helped the team get better we made it to Finals last year. He always says my sixty point game in semis got us to the finals last season but I couldn't have done it without him.
"Nothing." I put my head down and stared straight ahead trying to avoid the ribbing I was about to get.
"Jason Andrews huh? You want the bad boy? The emo twink? I didn't even think he was your type Johnny Boy." Ken nudged someone else in the crew and they all started laughing
"Ken shut up I was just lookin in that direction." I looked back at Jason. I liked them thin and Jason could stand to eat more. It really was more of a lazy stare than anything serious, but he was pretty cute.
"Yeah you're right man, Jason would say no anyways."
"How do you know?" My pride. That's always seemed to be what got me in trouble. I knew Kenny was baiting me here and we both knew it.
"You? Andrews? He would never let a Jock like you anywhere near him let alone go on a date with him." Ken kicked back knowing exactly what was coming next. "You're right man you wouldn't stand a chance anyways."
"Like hell I don't. Watch a master." Fucking Ken wasn't going to tell me who's out of my league.
I had seen Jason a lot honestly, we were in the same classes because I was so obsessed with Basketball and he just didn't give a fuck. He was always disrupting the class or making some girl who looked at him funny cry for some reason. I found his disruptions funny. His straight black hair looked so soft as it hung in front of his pale face. His signature black hoodie enveloped his thin body. He was engrossed in some history assignment I'm sure he didn't care about.
I stretched my fingers and turned on the good ol Johnny Han charm. Standard stuff. Tell him he's cute, let the good ol eyeballs do their thing, flash my ass a little bit. Hook, Line and Sinker we had our date. I let him get back to his homework and hopped back triumphant.
"You're so easy to bait dude." Ken was smiling wide. Yeah, he got me, but I couldn't have cared less because I knew I still had it. "I knew you were looking over at emo boy over there. He was definitely checking out your ass as you grabbed his notebook."
"So what if I was? He's actually pretty cute."
"Where you taking him Johnny boy? Gonna take him to Burger King and bang him like you did with Tina Chen last week?" This elicited some chortling from the peanut gallery. My reputation as a man whore wasn't exactly a secret and with twice the number of possible partners, I always had options.
"Nah man, Jason wouldn't go for that shit." I looked back over. He was scratching his head in frustration over some paragraph he didn't understand. "He definitely not the type to just put out immediately. I have to play this one slow, it's been quite some time since I had a challenge."
"Well wowee boys, Johnny actually likes the guy. I give him a week tops." They started taking bets, someone was saying the date wouldn't even happen.
The few months of the semester we had before he left for the summer were great. When I wasn't busy with basketball or the restaurant I would hang out with Jason. I really got to know Jason, how he dreamed about being a cafe owner, how he can talk about how music makes him feel for hours without getting bored. He showed me the depth of his music tastes, introducing me to a bunch of House and Trance artists that fill my playlists now. He turned into a really vibrant guy when you had him talking about something he loved.
I was able to talk to him about the worst day of my life. The day I lost my dad to a decade long fight to cancer. My mom, bless her soul quickly took over the family business but it meant that I was going to have to inherit it far sooner than I thought I would. It's pretty hard to not be bitter about the situation but my mom and uncle really made sure I didn't have to be around too much right now. They told me that following in my dad's footsteps and going to OSU would be exactly what he wanted.
It was nice being able to talk to someone who wouldn't bullshit you. Jason wasn't involved in the utter chaos and drama of high school and put a fresh perspective on everything. Sometimes he would lash out in annoyance but it came from a place of frustration of not listening to him rather than being an asshole. We still annoyed each other but I definitely was enjoying my time with him.
I think what excited me so much was the chase. Jason just wasn't intimidated by me in the slightest and he always had me on his toes. Most importantly he didn't concede any part of him to please me, way too many people just give up who they are in high school to fit in. His smile whenever he managed to annoy me was what got me up in the morning. I never thought I'd feel like this about someone, let alone a guy like Jason.
I found out Jason left for Scotland through Jenna. I called asking where he was and she just laughed as she told me he didn't care enough to tell me. It stung quite a bit. There was no call, no text and all of a sudden, he was gone for the summer. It was strange to be on the other side of it all. I was the guy who dropped people when I got bored. There was nothing left to do except round up the boys and start the summer off.
I have no idea where we ended up. All I knew I was handed drinks left and right and plenty of people were happy to have me back. I had taken a hiatus from partying between Jason and working at the restaurant so everyone was happy to see me. Veronica Lopez in particular was very happy to refill my cup for me. You know how it goes. You take three shots, then the fourth one is off her body and you end up in the master bedroom with your dick in her mouth. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it in the moment. Afterwards though I felt this wave of regret wash over me and had to get out of there immediately after. It was such a dirty feeling. One you couldn't wash off with three showers and believe me I tried.
The next morning, I woke up with the brutal reminder of a few too many shots and a good amount of regret still lingering in my body. As I came downstairs my brother was already in my kitchen was cooking breakfast with a moderate amount of concern on his face.
"Good Morning Sunshine." He was finishing up some egg concoction and everything else was already on the table. "I'm happy I didn't drink now looking at you."
"I will never drink ever again." I shook my head and walked to the fridge to get some orange juice.
"It's been a while since I've seen you so trashed. I almost had to pull you out of the shower." He slipped the omelet onto a plate and took a seat. "Are do you want to talk about it during or after breakfast? I have to go get my mom after this since my dad's at work but I have time."
"I can talk about it now." My face was blooming and my head was pulsing. "Jason's messed up my head dude."
"Do you want my honest opinion on this or do you want me to listen?" Ken's mom was a social worker so he learned all these stupid empathy techniques at a pretty young age. He picked me up and put me next to him and swung his arm around me holding me up.
"Lemme have it." I didn't care how I looked to my best friend. If anyone needed to see me like this it was him.
"You're expecting too much. Like dude, you're the Point Guard. You can have anyone you want that's actually impressed by that and you're over here pursing the one person in the school who thinks less of you for it." He said spearing some bacon.
"I like the challenge." I said indignantly.
"On top of that Jenna Peterson hates you. She's easily filling Jason's head with garbage about how all jocks are the same and you're just gonna use him like Mark." This was before Jenna and Mark were an item." He took my plate and put food on it since I refused to. "Eat, you'll feel better."
"You're lucky I can't argue right now." I ate some eggs and remembered why Kenny was so comfortable in my kitchen. I think my eyes rolled in the back of my head from pleasure.
"Now answer me this Johnny boy. What is it about him that makes your brain turn to mush?"
"He's just so much different when we're alone man. He talks about the things he loves with such passion and heart. He doesn't fall for any of my usual tricks and talking to him is never boring. He's shown me how much the time I have left is being wasted on petty shit like fucking girls who just wanna bang the Jock. Just hanging out in his room is infinitely more satisfying than going on a date with any of them."
"Johnny, I hate to break it to you. You're in love." He chuckled as he continued to put food on my plate.
"Fuck..." I really didn't want to believe it but all the signs were there. I had fallen for the emo kid. I got to see the part of him that he doesn't show other people and I couldn't get it off my mind.
Kenny cleaned up what he cooked and packed the leftovers so he could enjoy them with him mom as usual and I was back alone. I decided if I was actually in love with the guy I needed to let him know and that meant swearing off hookups as well.
Then the first day of school happened. That awful day I want to never relive. I think back on the start of it and how fucking cringey it was. Thinking that this was some teen drama and me kissing him would make him confess his feelings of undying love for me. Past that though I actually think I got what I wanted. It happened in quite possibly the worst way possible but when it happened, I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
I always talked about how Jason was different from everyone else. He was brilliant and shrewd and hid his emotions being a barrier of anger and bitterness. I finally got to see past it when he was laying there in front of me that day. It was what he was afraid of, he would show me who he really was and I would run away like his best friend did all those years ago. It felt great to be able to hold him after all these months. I just wanted to protect him, to see him be happy. It's just who I am. I want to see the people around me succeed and be happy with me.
There were some loose ends I needed to tie up. I really wanted to figure out why Jenna hated me so much and surprisingly she agreed. I suspect this had something to do with Mark because when I called this morning, she was going to tell me off but there was this strange thirty second pause right before she could and then after she reluctantly agreed. I'm not going to question it because I need all the good luck I can get right now. School was letting out at this point and they were going to use the gym so I said lets just meet there. Kenny the big oaf that he is, said he wanted to come to protect me but I didn't feel like involving him in the massive whirlwind of drama quite yet. I drove to the school and made it to the weight room and sure enough Jenna and Mark were standing there with their eyes fixated on me.
"Thanks for meeting me here." I said as I motioned outside. "Nobody else needs to hear this come on."
Jenna was about to open her mouth until Mark gave her another look and she rolled her eyes and followed me outside.
"Is pretty boy here to defend you?"
"The opposite actually." Mark got the first word in. "We talked last night and I now have different thoughts about everything."
"You mean because he doesn't love you anymore." I quipped in wise.
"This is what I mean. You're such a smug piece of fucking shit." Jenna let loose and Mark clearly didn't feel like stopping her as he stepped back. "Nothing has ever been hard for you Jon. Ever."
"Watch your damn words. I've gone through hardship just like everyone else." Fuck this girl gets me so heated.
"Oh poor Jon Han got caught fucking Veronica Lopez and is still crying about it! "Oh WAHH I FUCKED A GIRL WHEN I WAS TRYING TO PURSUE A RELATIONSHIP AND IT BACKFIRED!"" She rubbed her hands against her face to simulate tears for the show of it.
"How many times do I have to tell everyone it was a mistake? I was horny and upset he fucking left me. Am I not allowed to be human?" My voice was becoming uncontrollable but I didn't care at this point.
"My point is you don't actually care about him you dumbass. You only care about the thrill you'll get when you actually bang him."
"Oh yeah? You mean when he wanted me to fuck him on Wednesday when you chose to see that idiot again?" I pointed to a smirking Mark that quickly turned into a frown. "I didn't. I actually have morals when it comes to the people I care about unlike you."
She seemed momentarily shocked by this revelation that her best friend was willing to give himself to me but Jenna didn't get her reputation in school for giving up after one well timed comeback. "You have never cared about any damn girl or guy you've been with. You would brag to your buddies about your conquest of the week and then drop them when you got bored. I guarantee that's whats going to happen here."
I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to calm myself down. She's right. I have been an actual whore before Jason but he's honestly changed so much about how I think even I can't believe it. I tried to gain my composure before I said the wrong thing but Mark would get in the next word and change the entire conversation.
"You're both wrong you know." He walked back forward and chuckled at the two idiots squawking at each other in the parking lot.
"The FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?" Jenna screeched at her what I was assuming about to be her ex-boyfriend.
"Jon, you're literally trying to separate Jason from us for your own stupid selfish reasons. They have nothing to do with wanting to see him get better."
"I just want him to have a good birthday for the first time since you outed him." I countered clearly getting a stinging blow in.
"Yeah and I'm sure that good time doesn't involve him on your dick." He said rolling his eyes. "Anyways , babe you are also deciding Jason's life for him. He's not your kid. He's an adult who can make his own choices."
"And THIS is a BAD ONE." She stomped her foot and pointed at me.
"You just irrationally hate him because he took away your best friend from you." He shrugged.
"I WHAT?" Jenna was about to lose her mind.
"Jason has been the happiest I've seen him in half a decade. He's also the most cynical piece of shit this school has. If he's letting his guard down with Jon then it's probably ok to let him do his thing. It's not like he can't take care of himself."
"Wait what do you mean he's happy?" I had to get a word in here.
"When I talked to him last night, I could tell his demeanor changed. You've changed him even if he doesn't want to admit it. He had the confidence to take me down, something I shamefully prided myself on holding over him. I knew Jason for twelve years and it was nice to see him be a smart ass with me even if he was doing it to dig into me." He shrugged and laughed. "He's in a good place and it's thanks to you I have to admit."
"Oh so I'M the bad guy now?" Jenna just had to make it about her of course.
"Babe, relax. This isn't about who's good or bad it's about how we can all get along."
"I don't have to get along with anybody. I'll be proven right when Jon brings him back in shambles and I have to clean up to pieces." I think Jenna's mind had exploded and was unwilling to process what her doting boyfriend had said. "As for you, I regret ever helping you because if anything you're just as fucking selfish as the rest of us. You took advantage of the fact that Jason was drunk and you didn't even get what you wanted!"
"Jesus Christ." I winced in pain from her last statement to Houston.
"You know what I'm done. We're fucking done. I don't want to see ANYONE except Jason. Go fuck yourselves." She stomped off back into the building through the small crowd of kids who piled up watching us.
"You heard her guys, shows over." He motioned his hands to tell everyone to scram before coming over to me.
"Mark, we have nothing against each other but..."
"Look. Look. Look." He started waving his hands. "I've caused him a lot of pain. I get it and I'm sorry. I have a long road to repay him for everything and it starts here. Just don't use him man. He needs to find his self-worth again and hopefully you can help him find it." He gave me a pat on the shoulder before walking back into the school.
"I'm sorry about Jenna." i said as he walked away
"Oh her? She's just emotional right now. You two get this way when you talk about Jason. It's funny."
"Yeah I guess I like him a lot." I scratched the back of my head realizing how deep I was in at this point.
"I see why Jenna and Jason are best friends now. They're pretty much the same person."
"So, you're saying the only reason you like Jenna..."
"Is because she's a female Jason? Yeah." He shook his head. "As I said, I have to think about a lot of shit now. Have a good trip and I wish you the best." With that he walked back into the school leaving me by myself.
I looked at my phone, it had already been a little under an hour and that meant that Suzy was definitely done with Jason. She was probably giving him the third degree about anything she could get him to squirm about. I really didn't want him to see that picture of me squatting with a dick in my mouth so it was time to head back.
As I got in the car, I activated Siri.
"Call Dingus" It was a total of 10 rings before my call was answered.
"How'd you fuck it up already Johnny?" Ken sounded like he was stuffing his face. "Do you need me to come hug you and make you feel better?"
"You're hilarious. I was calling to tell you how it went with Jenna."
"Howd you time with little miss dime go?" I don't know how Kenny still kept his southern accent
"You're such a creep dude." I knew he's in love with the girl but I the idea of him together with her makes my skin crawl. "She stomped off angry because her and Mark disagree apparently."
"They're on the outs time to make my move!"
"KENNY FOCUS." For a goddamn virgin he talks about picking up chicks too damn much.
"Alright Johnny don't get all pissy now." He took a large chug of what I imagine was water before continuing. "Is Suzy done with him yet?"
"I'm gonna find out now. She's probably getting gossip out of him to tell my sister."
"Ok lemme make this easy. Do you have the reservation?"
"Yes."
"Did you book that steakhouse like I told you to?"
"Yes."
"Did you get the tickets for the show?"
"Yes."
"Well then bucko, just turn on the ol razzle dazzle and Jason should be yours by the end of the weekend."
"I've never been so nervous in my life dude." I was pulling up into the parking spot by the mall so I had to get a bit more encouragement out of my best friend before I went radio silent for the weekend.
"Johnny Han. You've dunked in the face of 6' 2" dudes. We made it to Finals last year off your legendary performance and you're going to tell me a stupid weekend trip makes you nervous?"
"Well I mean...."
"If anything my dude, you're the catch here. You got this. It'll be a cakewalk. Now listen, I gotta go, there's a lady calling my name and her name is NBA 2k13."
"You fucking nerd. I'll talk to you when I get back."
"Or sooner, I'll be your emotional support if you really need it. All weekend just for you." He made sure that sounded as sappy as humanly possible.
"You're such a piece of shit. Love you bud."
"Love ya too."
I ended the call and looked up at the ceiling of my car. I was really doing this. I was in love with this guy and was doing a whole show and dance to woo him. It was time to save him from my cousin and get on the way. It's a four-hour drive to Atlantic City and we had a reservation at 9 so we had to get moving.
I flicked my cigarette out the window as we cruised down the turnpike. Driving through Pennsylvania was just one giant climb. I was enjoying the drive through the mountains. I found it to be soothing.
"So you're telling me that Houston actually helped you out." I said incredulously. The asshole really has the audacity to re-enter my life only because Jon was now in it.
"Swear on my life. I don't even know if they're dating anymore. She was actually unhinged." Jon had given the full details of their little conversation. I couldn't shake the feeling that Jenna was still hiding something. Other than that, Jon had really impressed me over the past few days. I was pretty excited to spend time with him alone for a few days considering how everything played out.
A messenger notification popped up on his phone and the dashboard interrupting the music. Jon certainly didn't think handing me his phone through as I read the title of the Group "The Boys(No Girlfriends or you're gay except Johnny he's Bi)"
"Oh boy what is this?"
"Jason fucking don't." He switched hands and reached over to swipe it back from me.
"Oh no no no Johnny boy." I put it out of reach just in time. "I'm gonna read this and enjoy it."
I opened up messenger and I instantly recognized the face of Kenny Wilker. Poor guy had lost the genetics lottery and was stuck with acne until he was 25 at least. "Johnny if you don't come back a winner we'll never let you live it down."
The next message came from Eric Smith "Nah I'm over this shit, I miss old Johnny. Old Johnny wouldn't be taking a trip with some dumb kid he didn't have a chance with."
"Yeah he's kind of stupid too." Sam Brooks couldn't pass up a chance to talk shit as usual.
"Would you two shut the fuck up and let Johnny be happy?' Wilker typed impressively fast. "Let Johnny be Johnny, we still see him every day anyways."
"I don't wanna have to hang out with that idiot. Dudes gonna go off one of these days and shoot up the school."
"Wait, that's why we should be his friend. So he won't kill us."
This was standard honestly. It was worse when we were younger. I was seen as a walking time bomb, going to snap and go insane at any time. When you get older all that shit stops mattering, you start getting an idea of what is actually going on in the world. I was honestly happier about getting new leverage over Johnny if anything. He was visibly sweating looking for somewhere to pull over, finally settling on the parking lot of a Stackers.
"Give me the fucking phone." He grabbed onto the USB cord and as expected it snapped off immediately.
"Aw come on I'm enjoying reading what your friends think of me."
"No Jason I mean it. They're assholes and I know it." He whipped off his seatbelt and jumped on me faster than I had anticipated. He smacked the phone out of my hand and it fell on the side out of sight. "Come on!"
"Looks like you're not getting it now." I looked up and realized Johnny was right on top of me. The visible sweat was glistening from his forehead and was removing whatever product he put in his hair. That generic axe body spray smell I'd become accustomed to permeated my nose and made me realize the rather compromising position I was in. His black shirt was riding up his chest and I could see the outline of his six pack leading down to his black boxer briefs. I could only imagine the look on my face as my eyes wandered.
He pinned the hand he smacked and looked me straight in the eyes. "I don't give a fuck what they said. If they hate you I have no problem not seeing them ever again. Anyone who hurts you has to answer to me now." The intensity at which he looked at me sent a shiver down my spine. It was no secret who was the dominant one was, but holy fuck this guy did Jon Han know what to say to be in control. "I know you're not a bad guy. Now can I please have my phone so I can tell them off?"
"How about another trade?" I offered with heavy innuendo. I was incredibly aroused right now and didn't even think about playing some stupid game of cat and mouse. The cat had me exactly where he wanted me.
Jon hummed and he looked out the window. "I don't know. You made me nervous as fuck."
"Alright your loss, just get off me and..."
Just like that he put his entire weight on me and went straight for my lips. He caressed the back of my head as he took advantage of my open mouth and slid right in. Large sweeping motions filled my mouth and I was swept up into a pleasure I was unfamiliar with. He was still looking at same intensity as before, studying my every reaction making sure I enjoyed it. I adjusted to breathe out of my nose as I let him do all of the work, letting him lead our tongues in and out of each others mouth. He unpinned my hand and reached out finding my throbbing erection hiding in my joggers. It was too much and I broke the kiss gasping for air.
"Fuck you're so fucking sexy." His hand was still on my rock hard dick, rubbing it gently as he still refused to break his gaze on me. It felt like I was going to turn to stone at any second, perpetually locked in this bliss.
"Jon...please..." This was all so new to me. I'd never experienced something this intense before, sure I wasn't a virgin, I had screwed around with a guy or two after I was forced to come out in 6th grade but we had no idea what we were doing back then. Jon was experienced, knowing which buttons to press to make me lose my sanity. "I can't breathe."
"Oh shit." Jon broke his trance, realized he was crushing me and hopped off. "Sorry, i kind of lost my mind there."
"Yea" I took slow deep breaths to regain my composure. "You went nuts."
"I'll take it slow next time." He reached down his sweats and adjusted himself. "Just you know, you made an offer I couldn't refuse."
"No no. that was fucking fantastic. I could get used to that" I reached for the door behind me and took a whiff of fresh air. "Just...give me a second."
As I Stepped out of the car Jon went for the phone that had fallen to the passenger side floor. I was curious what he was typing. Imagined it was telling off his friends and letting them know I saw what they were saying. I decided to walk into the Stackers and buy something to drink to get what had just happened off my mind.
As I stood in line to pay for my soda the thoughts started pouring in. Was I moving too fast? Is this a dream? What was I expecting out of this weekend? Was our first time going to be like this? A million questions flooded my head at once. This is why I sedated myself so much. It doesn't me no good thinking like a madman all the time, questioning everything. Hopefully Jon would break me out of my cycle when I got back in the car.
"I'm really sorry about all of that." Jon had taken the time to straighten himself out. "We're like an hour out at least so it won't be too much longer."
"Yeah that kiss was pretty awful."
"Yeah your dick sure hated it." He made a right to get back to the highway and tossed me the USB cable. "You can see who's playing tonight. I've made you wait long enough."
"Eh, I can wait." I flipped on my Spotify then swiped over to my Facebook. I didn't make a habit of looking at it but after the other day I was curious how many more idiots tried to add me knowing what was going on. The one that caught my eye at the top was Jon's boy Ken Wilker. I added him and near instantly a message popped up from him.
"Hey man, I'm so fucking sorry."
"Those guys, they didn't mean that."
"Jon and I have your back man you don't have to worry about shit this year. I'll smash the face of anyone who crosses your path." Ken sure could type up a storm. I wasn't sure how to respond.
"Tell Kenny I told him to shut up." Jon's face went straight back to that pink he had earlier when the first message showed up. "I love the guy but he's such a fucking loser sometimes."
"Does he usually type a word a second normally?" The messages were still flying, all of them profuse apologies for what I had the (mis)fortune of reading.
"He's a nerd for sure. We met because his dad put him in a basketball camp in hopes of making him less nerdy. Sometimes I wonder if we're only friends because of Ball."
The way Jon talked about his best friend in earnest was something I hadn't seen in a while. I spent a lot of my childhood confused about how relationships work. My parents jumping in and out of my life really fucked with my head and it certainly wasn't didn't get easier after Houston...ah shit here come the thoughts again. I had to focus on something else, anything else. I pulled out a cigarette and flicked my lighter as fast as I could. I knew my coping mechanisms were the bottom of the barrel worst but they are all I have. Before I could crack the window I heard it slide down.
"You ok?" Jon put his hand on my lap "You lit that thing in a hurry."
"Just...thought about stuff. Had to think about anything else."
"Was it anything I said?"
"No it's just...I'm such a loser."
"Nah you're not doing this on your birthday weekend." He rubbed my shoulder. "Let's enjoy everything ok?"
"I don't think I would have these problems if I could just turn off my brain and not think about it Jon."
"Let's try this. What do you want me to do when you get like this?" Jon's voice had become a lot softer as he tried to comfort me. "If there is anything I can do please let me know."
"What do you mean "like this"?" I turned my head away and rolled my eyes. "You know before you, I didn't have to worry about being teased like this."
"I mean when you get lost in your poisoned thoughts that have no root in reality" He said in a surprisingly serious. "I see it in your eyes and it sucks and I don't know how to help you."
"We aren't together." I spit out immediately.
"I didn't say we are." I felt his eyes gravitate to me.
"Then as you said earlier, you can drop the act."
"Do you really still think this is an all act? You challenge me. You keep me on my feet. I like it when you talk about music and the way you express yourself when you describe all the concerts you've been to. I really like it when you smile and your hair hangs in front of your face and it covers your eyes. What I hate is when you can't accept that maybe I give a fuck about you so you have to keep spitting out venom like you did less than thirty seconds ago.
Shit, this guy had really fallen for me and here I was being an asshole the entire time. The only people who ever got to know me were people who were unrelenting in their pursuits. It was just so hard to open up about everything. I always felt like I was just so far behind the world in terms of social skills and I had no idea how to catch up. It was like this huge shell I was wearing was holding me back in life and preventing people from getting in.
"You should start by relaxing." Jon pierced the thoughts of my brain shocking me.
"What?" I said almost frightened. Not a single person in my life had been able to break this fugue I would go into and here Jon was doing it instantly. Something had changed between us since Wednesday.
"I'm telling you to relax right now. Let's just have a good weekend and be ourselves and see what happens. I want you to at the very least be able to trust me." He intertwined his hand with mine and placed them on my lap.
I silently nodded unable to come up with the words right now.
"For the record. I like it when you're like this. You're not one to be tongue tied."
"Just have to ruin the moment don't you?" I smacked his arm eliciting a wince. "Fucking asshole. I regret coming now."
"Say the word and I'll turn around." He said proudly, testing me.
"We can't do that to your uncle. That would be rude."
"Ah yes, we wouldn't want to disappoint my uncle" He said trying to hold back his laughter.
We had made the final stretch. The Atlantic City highway ends on a long bridge with a constant stream of billboards of upcoming attractions. One in particular caught my eye. This asshole was paying attention after all.
"Garrix is tommorow. There's actually no chance we're getting in though. The clubs don't let anyone under 21 in."
"Nah it's an event in the convention center apparently. I triple checked before I got my uncle to get us the room."
"Do you just have every detail planned? What if I said no?"
"Then I wouldn't of taken care of everything. I bought the tickets today and it's off season at the shore so the room was free for my uncle. You let me worry about the plans and just enjoy your weekend alright?" He got off the highway and pulled into the Carat.
The Carat was the casino targeted at people in their early 20's, apparently they were going even younger with this whole 18+ concert thing. It made sense, you indoctrinate them early and you have kids gambling and eating out of your hand by the time they're 21. The thrill of gambling never made sense to me. I guess when money isn't an issue you never think about how a few thousand in a night can change your life. We parked, grabbed our luggage and headed for the lobby. As soon as we got down there Jon waved down an Asian man who looked to be in his late 40's. They started talking without me understanding them as he lead us to the elevator. Jon would finally introduce me after we were alone.
"Sorry Jason, this is my uncle."
"Nice to meet you." He extended his hand and bowed slightly, standard Asian greeting. "Always nice to meet one of my nephew's friends." After the handshake the door opened and he continued to lead us to the room, picking up where they left off in Chinese. When we got to the room his uncle gave him the key and waved as he walked back to the elevator.
"My uncle is a degenerate in every sense of the word. We won't see him until checkout on Sunday. He told me he was going to go play Paigow for a while and if there was an issue with the room tell him."
He opened the door and waved me in. It was your standard casino hotel room. One queen bed in the middle of the room with a tv in front of it. I walked over to the window to find an unremarkable view of the highway and the city past it. I had obviously been better and more extravagant places but never with any friends, let alone a romantic interest. I touched the glass and thought about everything that had happened this week. My last year of high school started off with a bang. Houston was back in my life in a terrible way, Jon was back in my life in a confusing way and I was here a couple hours away from everyone to celebrate my birthday.
"Alright, i'll take my shower, you take yours after and we'll walk around the place until our reservation." I turned around to see Jon without his shirt right in front of me. His tan from what I can assume was many shirtless summer days looked incredible. He was so well defined and smooth all the way down to his tan line right above his black boxer briefs. I felt gravitated towards him, I needed to touch, to feel to know what going on was real.
He didn't stop me as put my hands on him, my breathing turned heavy as I felt his bulging muscles. I started with his right shoulder tracing it down his perfectly tight left pec. I held my hand there for a few seconds and then jumped when I felt his heartbeat picking up. This was all real, he was actually into me and his heart was racing simply from my touch. How could anyone feel this way about me and my sickly pale body?
"I've been waiting for this for so long." He swung his arm around me and brought me face to face and began his assault. He went slowly as first, just like the first time we kissed today, gently pecking my lips waiting for me to return to my senses. I slowly opened my mouth and began to relax, letting him lead me again. He growled as he nibbled on my bottom lip. "Every time I kiss you my brain ignites. I feel things I've never had before with anyone else." He parted the hair between my eyes and dove back in, this time, eyes open wide. There were those emeralds taking a stranglehold on my soul, making my knees week and heart jump out of my chest. His hand slipped down the back of my pants, latching onto my ass causing my eyes to roll back in my head. We started moving towards the bed and soon as felt the frame he shoved and mounted on top of me, not giving a moments respite. His mouth attached to my neck as his thumbs went straight under my shirt and rubbed my nipples making me scream pushing him off.
"You ok?" He got up concerned. "If it's too much let me know."
"No I'm fine." I was beyond out of shape. It was taking a mental toll on me at this point. I didn't want Jon off of me. I was ready to feel all of him but my body just couldn't. The damage I had done was showing and I felt worse for it.
"Hey, stop worrying about it." He sat down next to me and pushed the hair out of my eyes. "I get it. I'm really intense. I'll be slower next time."
"Believe Jon I want to it's just..."
"Nah I get it." He got up and stretched his arms as he arched his back. "I just get lost in the energy that I just keep going. I mean it that I've never experienced anything like this before. Just let me know how I can make it better for you." He ran his fingers though his hair as he walked to the bathroom. "Anyways ima take that shower. We have like an hour before we have to make our reservation anyways."
After the door closed, I smacked my hands against my face and groaned. My first sexual mishap was a literal boner killer. Well done Jason, you fucked it up. I looked through my phone to see Jenna had shot me about 25 more messages and somehow even more from Wilker. I couldn't be bothered to sort through that mess but I needed to talk to someone though so I decided to call the one person in the world I knew could trust.
"Jace, it's fuckin 2am about. Are you ok?"
"I am fine uncle I just needed to talk to someone." My dad's brother Jeremy was a gay Scottish man about fifteen years older than me with a husband about the same age. He was my go-to gay resource as it was and it was why I spent so much time in Scotland over the summer. He seemed so happy with his life and I hoped one day I could emulate it. "I had a mishap with Jon and my head is spinning."
"Ah you fucked it up then? Hey Mitch, Jace had an accident making out with that boy he was talking about when he was here." I could hear the ooh and laugh in the distance.
"No what the fuck? That is not what happened." Why was everyone I knew such a smartass? "I couldn't breathe and I had to stop."
"Jace, I told you all that smoking would catch up with you sooner rather than later."
"I know uncle, believe me I know. It's just, what do I do now?" I scooted up to rest my head against a pillow.
"Jace, he doesn't give a fuck. If anything you told me is true about that Jack fellow he's super patient and is enjoying the chase. You hear that dear? Jace thinks he fucked it up already. "
"You're not helping."
"Yes I am, you just need to take your mind off the bad crap. The only way to do that Jace is to make you angry. Just one more question though buddy."
"Yes Uncle?"
"Did he go in raw?"
"UNCLE WHAT THE FUCK?"
"Yup, that's the attitude you should have if he ever suggests it. Marcus is getting annoyed and we have to be up in 4 hours to go to the gym."
I sighed deep. He was right, I was overreacting again and I was wasting his time. "Ok thank you Uncle Calvin, you're right as always."
"That's my brilliant nephew. Good luck." With that he hung up and I looked at the time. It was 10 minutes to 8 which meant I was running out of time to get ready. I got up and looked for the bags with the clothes Suzy bought for me. The dress shirt was several shades of blue and white vertical stripes. Something I would never pick out for myself but Suzy seemed way too confident that it would look good on me so I felt ok to trust her. Trust. That's what this was all about. I need to be able to trust people again and that hard to start with Jon.