The following is a work of fiction. Any similarities are completely fortuitous. The story may contain profanity and references to gay sex. If such content offends you please leave now. The author maintains all rights to the story. Do not copy or use without written consent from the author. Write Bobby at brokendreamboi@yahoo.com with you comments.
Beautiful Lie 01
"Zac, please come down here and help me!"
"Ay, que pesado!"
"What did you just say to me?"
"Nothing mom," I shouted. "I'm coming."
Great, another visit from family. My mom's parents were coming down from Colorado to stay with us for Christmas. Of course, this family was different than the others. Well, actually now that I think about it there isn't really an emotional difference; just an age difference.
"Zac, sweetie, take the trash out and then lightly water the lawn." she ordered. My mom is great. She is the nicest person you could ever imagine unless you piss her off and then you should run and hide.
"Yes, mom," I muttered.
"Why do you have to be that way? Is it the accident?" she asked.
"No...not at all. Sorry mom, but it's just that with grandma and grandpa being here I can't be myself."
"No, you choose not to be yourself. I'm telling you that they won't care if you're gay. So, maybe it could be different this time?"
"I don't think so, Kendra." I grabbed the trash bag and walked outside. It was chilly out, but it's still early so I'm sure it'll heat up at least a little bit. A cool breeze blew in the air. The sun was bright and shining gloriously with a few white clouds scattered in the blue sky.
I turned on the hose and began watering the lawn. Our lawn was one of the nicest ones on our street. Sure, we live in a private community where everyone here has a nice house and yard, but mom was an exceptional gardener. And she loved doing it so it's like hitting two birds with one stone. As I was watering, one of our neighbors across the street was checking her mail and noticed me. I like this neighbor, I really do, but right now I'm not feeling too talk-happy.
"Hello, Mrs. Ibanez." I said loudly.
"Hi Zac, how's life?" she asked nicely. That was one thing about Mrs. Ibanez: she was genuinely a good person for being an ex-model.
"It has been better. How about you?" I began to feel a bit uneasy talking about the subject that I'm sure was about to start.
"Oh, sorry I asked. Your mother told me and that is just awful. I really am sorry." she said. Sensing the tension in the air she quickly changed the subject to something she loved: herself. "I have been doing the same as always. Real estate, paying the bills, and feeding my workaholic husband is just a regular for me now."
"Yeah, I'm glad I'm not married to him." I laughed.
She smacked me playfully on the arm. "We're supposed to baby-sit my nephew tomorrow and I was thinking about taking him to the fair downtown." She covered her mouth quickly. "Damn it," she muttered quietly.
"It's fine, Mrs. Ibanez. Hunter and I had so much fun at the fair..." I trailed off. "It was the last thing we did together." Remembering Hunter brought tears to my eyes. I stared at the ground not wanting her to see my weakness.
"Zac," she said softly. "Zac look at me. We all have moments of despair. And if we can face them head on that's when we find out just how strong we really are." She took her hand and wiped a tear away.
"Thanks," I said kind of hoarsely. "I just don't know how I'm going to get through this. I can't sleep at night. I think that maybe if I had turned the other way sooner he wouldn't have been hit so hard..."
"Zac stop. The accident was in no way your fault. There was no way you could have known it was going to happen." she said, leaning forward to hug me. I dropped the hose and rested my head on her shoulder, sobbing lightly. She was shorter than I was by a couple inches so it was a tricky position for me to hold. "Now, get back to your chores, mister."
"Yes, ma'am," I giggled, wiping away the rest of my stray tears.
Mrs. Ibanez began walking away, but then turned around as if she actually forgot something. "Oh and Zac, it's Gabrielle, not Mrs. Ibanez."
"Yes, Mrs. Iban...I mean, Gabrielle."
I went to throw the trash away after I rolled the hose up. As I was looking at the trash cans I realized that I haven't cried since...ever actually. When the news finally sank into me I just turned into this dark thing. My world was turned upside down violently, but not one tear escaped my eyes. Ever. Well, all right, maybe a few here and there, but those were not grief tears. They were just tears of the moment. I still can't really admit to myself that this happened so how am I supposed to grieve about it?
When I walked inside my mom was busy putting cookies in tins. Her and dad were talking and I believe that mom was bickering about the Christmas lighting contest my dad enters every year.
"Oh no, it's the Christmas lighting contest again." mom groaned. "I hope you're not gonna go overboard this year. Can't you try a little subtlety for a change?"
Dad walked in the garage. "Got it covered." He then walked back in the kitchen with a six foot light up candy cane. Our kitchen, dining room, and living room are all one big room. The kitchen connected to the garage and then there was two ways to get upstairs; going through the dining room or the kitchen. The front door was the only thing that had its own area, really.
"Oh, Shawn," mom groaned.
"What? They were all out of the big ones." dad said.
"Right. You know I think that this year is finally going to be the perfect Christmas." mom said.
"Yeah, I think this year I'm finally gonna beat Doc Gennaro." dad said.
"That's not what I mean. I was referring to your brother's family being here and my parents coming."
"Don't set yourself up like this." dad said. "Every year your parents come you end up locked in the bedroom going, `Why did I even invite them?'"
"Dad I hope you don't get your tongue stuck to a hammer again." I said, walking in the kitchen however dangerous.
"Ha-ha very funny." he mocked. Mom was finishing putting her cookies in the tins then started washing the trays off. She liked baking things during the holidays. That's something she is somewhat known for. "You know what present I'd like your dad to give me, honey? Call me my name Shawn' instead of Hey, you.'"
"Well, if you heard what he called you behind your back you'd be happy with the `Hey, you.'" Suddenly the doorbell rang. Great, one week with all this family. Mom ran to do the door, straightened her hair, and then opened it with a warm smile.
"Hi mom," she said. "It's so nice to see you."
"It's amazing you're seeing us at all. Your father didn't use the turn signal once all the way from Colorado." grandma said agitatedly. She walked in and hugged my mom. Dad and I then walked to the front door and stood waiting for our "love" I guess you could say. "Hello Shawn, Zac," We both took our turns in getting hugs.
"I didn't use the signal because there was no one behind me, Lillian." grandpa said loudly, walking in the door with a suitcase.
"Then what was that truck that almost sideswiped us?" grandma asked.
"A big truck like that has no business being on the interstate." he replied. "Hello sweetheart," My mom hugged grandpa then he looked at my dad and stuck out his hand. "Hey you," Grandma rolled her eyes. I also shook my grandpa's hand, but got a more humble greeting.
"That's another thing," grandma started, "your father piled the presents so high in the backseat he couldn't see out the window." They both started walking into the living room.
"Well, don't blame me. I wanted to put the presents in the front seat and you in the back." grandpa retaliated.
"Would you like some eggnog?" mom asked them.
"Oh, no, your father can't eat eggs." grandma said.
"I can eat eggs. I just don't know what the hell `nog' is."
As soon as everyone got settled down, my dad's brother and sister-in-law, Tim and Nancy, walked in the kitchen with their twin girls. My grandparents have met them before so it wasn't too awkward. Grandma was anxious to hold one of them and soon got her wish.
I walked upstairs to my room and laid down. It's only noon, but I already feel so tired. I guess it's because I haven't been sleeping much due to my guilt over the accident. Just when I began to drift off, my mom called me downstairs. I hated going upstairs then being called back downstairs.
"Yeah, mom?" I asked groggily.
"Do you want to go out to lunch?" she asked. Everyone else was sitting in the living room having calm conversations.
"Uh, yeah, sure." I said. I ran back upstairs and sat down on my bed, putting my socks and shoes on. But I couldn't help to lie down on the bed and close my eyes really fast.
"No, Hunter, don't go!" I shouted. "Please, I need you!" Little beads of sweat started forming on my face as I tossed and turned on my bed. A murderous scream erupted from my mouth.
"Zac, sweetie, wake up!" mom said loudly. I heard her, but I couldn't do anything about it. I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and pull me in close to something warmer than I was. Suddenly, I jolted up and started to pant; I couldn't catch my breath.
"I'll get a bag," dad said. My mom continued to hold me, now rocking me back and forth as I cried on her shoulder from pain and sorrow.
"Kendra what's going on?" grandma asked. I barely turned my head and I saw her, grandpa, and Tim and Nancy.
My dad came running back in my room with a brown paper bag and held it over my mouth. The bag usually helped me; this isn't the first time I've had a panic attack. My breathing returned to normal and I just enjoyed the feeling of being cradled by my mom.
"Maybe we shouldn't go out. I'll just make something instead." mom said. I stood up from her hold and openly objected.
"No," I said. "I need to get out of the house. I am completely fine." I started walking to get my coat from my closet, but tripped doing so.
"Zac!" mom said worriedly. She rushed to my side and helped me stand back up.
"Mom I am fine. I just tripped is all." I argued. "Please, I need to get out of the house.
"Fine, we'll go, but if I so much as detect a sign of faintness with you we are rushing home." she said.
"Thank you," I said. "I'm going to take a shower then we can go." I got new clothes and walked into my bathroom. I locked the door behind me and pressed my back against the door and sat down. That dream with Hunter was just too much. They keep happening more and more. My guilt from the accident is such a burden to myself. I can't keep thinking like this, but I don't really have much of a choice. I killed another human being; my boyfriend, none the less.
I turned the water on as hot as it could go. I figured that if there was one thing that could relieve some of my stress then steaming water could do the trick. After about ten minutes I decided that it was time to go out into the world I used to not hate so much. I got dressed, did my hair, then walked downstairs where I was greeted by sixteen eyes staring at me. I walked in the kitchen for a quick drink of water before leaving.
"How about we go to The Bello Mare?" grandma asked. I spit the water out of my mouth and looked like a dear caught in headlights. I could see mom out of the corner of my eye gently shaking her head no.
"We will go to Olive Garden," dad said, saving the day. Everyone looked at me with curious looks, but said nothing. Thank God for that one. Mom handed me a towel and I wiped my mouth of the water dripping everywhere.
When I finally walked outside Tim and Nancy had already left. My parents and grandparents were piled in mom's Murano. The drive there was relatively quiet. I guess no one wanted to ask questions about my attack or why I spit water out. Eventually we pulled into the parking lot. Since I had fallen asleep it definitely wasn't lunch time any more. Now, it's dinner time considering it is six.
Tim and Nancy already had our table and were waiting for us. As soon as we sat down I began finding my usual; chicken con broccoli. Our waiter come and brought us our drinks and...wow. He was really cute. I liked how his hair was kind of long, not going past his eyebrows, and all curls. The light brown color accented his hazel eyes and his tan skin perfectly. He didn't look too tall, but I'm not either so being the same height as me is always a plus. Man, his face just...wait, what the hell am I doing? I can't look at anyone else. I'm in a relationship. He took everyone else's orders then looked at me. I was stunned. His hazel eyes were locked onto me and I could feel something. Something that I missed.
"Um...I'll have the...um...chicken con...broccoli." I stuttered out. He gave me a cute smile then walked away.
"So, Zac, how is school going?" grandma started.
"It's going really good." I said simply. She just kept coming with the questions about my life. The only subject that was steered clear of was the love category. I really hope my mom or dad didn't say anything to them about me being gay. After about twenty minutes our food arrived.
"Here you go," the waiter said to me as he set my plate down. He didn't say anything to anyone else but me.
"Thanks," I replied with a small smile.
Throughout dinner, I was mostly silent. My mind was elsewhere, specifically on our waiter, who by the way, checked up on us just about every five minutes. Already I was infatuated with him and I don't even know his name. The food was spectacular, as always, and I was simply waiting for "him" to show up and take my plate. Finally, he did show up. As he took my plate away I tried looking at his name tag. It was hard to read it without being too obvious, but I got out "Tommy."
"Mom, can I have a pen? I'm bored." I said.
"Sure," she said, digging in her purse then handing me one of her numerous pens. She and dad and everyone else continued there long discussion about...well, whatever they were talking about. This stunt I was about to pull is a bit risky, but I think I can pull it off. I grabbed a sugar packet and hid it under my napkin. No one saw so I continued my stunt. I wrote my name and number on the packet then hid it back under my napkin. The adults finally finished eating and talking. Grandpa gave his credit card to Tommy who had just walked to the table. When Tommy brought it back along with a receipt, everyone stood up and began walking away. I, on the other hand, quickly took the sugar packet and placed it on top of the receipt holder. Now all I have to do is wait.
As we pulled in our driveway I noticed that there was a car parked next to our house. At first I didn't recognize it, but the more I thought about it the more I realized who it was. I quickly jumped out of the Murano and ran inside. There he stood right in the kitchen where he usually is.
"Brian!" I said excitedly. I ran up to him and wrapped my arms around him tightly. Brian is my twenty-one year old brother that went to college last year.
"Hey little man!" he laughed. I heard the front door open again and more people walking in.
"Brian!" mom exclaimed just as excitedly as I did. She ran up to us and gave us a hug. "You said that you weren't going to be here until tomorrow." Mom kissed his forehead and then let dad move in. They shook hands and hugged.
"Well, I decided to give everyone a little surprise." he said. "Grandma, grandpa," Everyone got their hugs in, even Tim and Nancy.
I went upstairs into my room and closed the door behind me. Not ten minutes later there was a knock.
"Come in," I said, turning away from the TV.
"So, did you enjoy dinner?" mom asked, sitting down next to me on my bed.
"Yeah, it was great." I replied.
"Hope that waiter calls you tonight?" she asked.
"Oh, crap," I groaned. "You saw?"
"I'm your mother I see everything."
"Then yeah I am kind of hoping he calls."
"What if he isn't even gay?"
"If he calls I guess we'll find out, huh?"
"Yeah, well, I'm going back downstairs. If you want to join us you're more than welcome too." she said.
I cannot believe she saw me do that. Can you say embarrassing times ten? What if he does call? I have no clue what I'm going to say. In fact, I never thought I'd even get this far. Hunter suddenly came to mind. He was my everything. We were so perfect together. That night we had planned on going to the next step in our relationship. It was our one year after all. He was my first hug, first kiss, first make out, first blow job-given and received. And now he's gone. Forever.
My mind was on overdrive with Hunter and I needed something to calm me down. I reached under my bed and pulled out XY Magazine. XY has to be the best gay magazine in the world. Not only did it have gorgeous boys, but it actually had entertaining articles and stuff. As I was reading my cell phone rang.
Tommy.
I looked at the number and didn't recognize it, but then his name appeared. Oh, God, this is it.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Hi," he replied. "Is this Zac?"
"Yeah, Tommy?"
"Yup," he said.
"I can't believe you called."
"Well, I wanted to find out what kind of person would leave their name and number on a sugar packet." Tommy laughed modestly. I couldn't help it; I laughed as well.
"Did you just get off?" I asked, trying to start up a conversation.
"Nah, I got off about a half hour ago, but I've been trying to work up enough nerve to dial your number."
I giggled. "Congrats on calling,"
"Thank you, thank you," he said in a winning kind of tone.
"Are you gay?" I suddenly blurted out. Shit, what have I done? That was so stupid. Right when we start talking I have to ruin it with something like that.
There was an awkward silence before he answered. "Yeah,"
"Really?" I asked in astonishment.
"Really, really," he said. "Are you?"
"Uh, yeah,"
"Wanna hang out tomorrow?"
"Sure!" I said excitedly.
He giggled at my enthusiasm. "All right, where at?"
"Um, I don't know. Wherever I guess."
"How about we hang out at the mall? We can eat and just talk."
"Okay, sounds like a plan."
"So, I'll see you tomorrow around noon?"
"All right, bye."
"Night."
I flipped my phone then set it on my nightstand. All of a sudden I got this warm feeling that was coursing through my body. Excitement is the word for it I think. Of course, my happiness only lasted a few minutes. Guilt suddenly replaced the excitement.
Am I cheating on Hunter?
Life is a journey, one that is much better traveled with a companion by our side. Of course, that companion can be just about anyone. A neighbor on the other side of the street or the man on the other side of the bed. The companion can be a mother with good intentions or a child who's up to no good. Still, despite our best intentions, some of us will lose our companion along the way. And then the journey becomes unbearable. You see, human beings are designed for many things. But loneliness isn't one of them.
I hope you have enjoyed the first chapter of Beautiful Lie. I have recently created a myspace and you can view it here: http://www.myspace.com/shades_of_wisteria. Feel free to send your comments, questions, and/or criticism to the e-mail given at the beginning of each chapter, or at my group at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Shades_of_Wisteria/ and write me there, or you can do both. Either one is greatly appreciated. Thank you!