We stood in front of my dorm room. The hallways were empty. Quiet. We had left the frat party early after the little melodrama between the two school presidents. The memory of my conversation with Lucky at the beach still lingered. Damien had given me ride back to the school and then insisted that he walk me to my room.
"Your plan is working. Timmy is beginning to actually trust you."
I think it bothered me that he broke the silence like that. Though my hair was shorter now my bangs still nestled close to my eyes. I was trying hard not to look at him. That's never going to happen. Those words resurfaced.
"I'm starting to think that it was a stupid idea."
He reached both hands for my collar as if to fix it.
"I thought it was a brilliant idea."
I shivered and placed my hands on his. Our eyes met.
"Why are you doing this?"
He narrowed his eyes.
"To support you in helping me get rid of Timmy Montega."
It was at this point that he leaned in closer. My back was against the door and his weight pressed against my own. I was almost getting used to the way he treated me.
"That's not what I meant."
The scent of the cologne was much stronger now. I don't know why but I closed my eyes and wrapped myself in his warmth.
He gently bit my ear and whispered, "I know what you meant and my answer is because I can."
I was able to press my hands against his shoulders, but I failed in pushing him away.
"Is this how you treat your other friends?"
He used my own force on me and pulled my body closer to his. I closed my eyes and felt his wet lips on mine. I felt his tongue open my mouth. I felt one hand grab my left ass. I felt him inhale me. I felt the other hand reach under my shirt and rub across my skin. I felt all of that and I let him do it.
"None of them can kiss like you do and none of them have eyes like yours."
There was something inside my throat that hurt. It squeezed and made my eyes watery. Why did I let him do that to me?
"Stop it."
He put his finger to my mouth and kissed my forehead.
"If you're ever ready, Ethan, would you let me be your first?"
My cheeks flushed with redness.
He chuckled, "I don't know why I just said that. Forget it."
I thought he would leave so I stayed quiet. Damien stared at me for the longest time.
"You're not even going to invite me in?"
"It's late," I replied.
He nodded and then I did something that surprised him. I kissed the tip of his nose.
"Come downtown with me sometime this week. We need to go window shopping for the Haunted Mansion."
I smiled.
"Yeah, but it has be after tomorrow. I have a lot to do. And I'll give you your brother's clothes back then."
"Ok."
There was that silence again.
"Goodnight, Damien."
"Goodnight... and thanks."
"For what?"
He smiled.
"Everything."
A rush of pure adrenaline coursed through my body when I had caught the ball. It came from the soles of my feet and eventually made its way up to my finger tips. The joints that connected my bones snapped into a sequence and forced the movement of my muscles to collaborate with the rest of my body. The sounds a ball makes when it impacts wooden floors echoed throughout the gymnasium. They were fast, I'll admit that. Our competitors had a cunning about them that made their team almost unique. And there was always that restless noise that I heard from the crowd, the kind of tension that people get when their hearts are being wrenched. It's an exciting thing.
When the game was over I quickly showered and changed. The Dessert Bar needed an extra employee for tonight and I needed the cash. When I had gotten there I was swallowed by the frenzy of customers. A festival was coming up and the tourist industry was milking it for all it was worth. It was good business for the Dessert Bar. But that meant longer hours and hectic shifts.
I got back to the school past midnight. There was a short assignment that I needed to finish. I looked over the math questions and sighed. Variables, substitutions and logarithms muddled through the cracks of my brain. I finished it, brushed my teeth, closed the lights, picked up a book, and pulled the sheets up. I was half alive. But mostly I felt dead. Before I slept I listened to Pierre snore.
The two figures stood inside the Gold members' office. One of them was sitting behind a desk while the other was facing him with his hands on the wooden platform of the same desk. An electric fan sitting near them attempted to cool off their heated debate. I could tell that the person standing up was an older man. He had that posture about him that could only indicate an elevation of age. Also, he was in business attire that only men of his age would wear. Hugo Boss? Eric of the Brown members would tell me later that it was a single breasted four buttoned blazer. The faint smell that lightly filled the air was that of Escada. Of course I wouldn't find that out till much later.
"Think about the implications of your decisions and the consequences of them, Mr. Montega," he calmly suggested.
Timmy sat back on his chair and gave him a blank look. The look someone gives a dog when they are feigning any interest or bother.
He rolled up his sleeves with his pudgy fingers, "I am not changing my mind, Floyd. I know you think that I'm some kind of idiotic reprobate, but I simply must decline any suggestions you or my father have to offer about my position as president of the school. Anything with a vagina offends me, but so do your tangents about familial obligations. He's not even my real father."
"Not genetically, but -"
"Let's not get into this right now. I told you that I made up my mind and I have more important responsibilities to take care of. Please leave and tell my father to send a telegram next time he feels the need to concern himself with me. It's much more touching that way."
The man stood to his full height and placed his hands on his hips. I sighed. My father always did that when he lost an argument with my mother. I could tell that the man wanted to say more, but he simply shook his head and grabbed a briefcase that was on a chair beside him.
"Thank you, Floyd. Ethan you can come in now."
How long did he know that I was standing there by the half-opened doorway? The man walked passed me. He had a stoic look and a light beard across his face. He wasn't that much taller than I was but he walked briskly and with force. Our eyes did not meet.
"Don't worry about him. He's an associate of my father's and is his liaison to the school, my daddy's bitch. He had a meeting with the headmaster this morning and just wanted to drop by."
I nodded and took my seat. Palm trees swayed behind him through the window.
"I have the purchase orders for the Halloween event that you asked for."
Timmy opened the folder that I gave him, "Wonderful. Celly made several orders and they should be coming within the next few days. We'll put them in storage and get the rest of the Brown members and volunteers to help make the haunted mansion. I'll make an announcement this morning regarding that issue."
A basketball game was scheduled for the next few days and I was working again at the end of this week. The fan swept a simulated breeze that felt cool against the moist skin on my neck. Timmy continued to talk about the Halloween event and a number of items that needed to be addressed.
"Is there something on your mind?" I asked him.
He looked at me suspiciously for a second before replying with a smirk, "It's nothing good porn won't cure."
Timmy Montega was a mystery to me. I wondered if he actually believed that the people he conned would idly sit and watch him take over so completely.
"Ok. If that's everything, I'm going to head to the gym."
He nodded and made a gesture with his fingers. I could feel his hungry eyes on me as I left the office.
Bobby's morning radio show played throughout the hallways of the academy. Students scurried around. Some were in their sleep wear, while others seemed ready for the new school day. I saw Floyd wandering around the school and thought about his conversation with Timmy. Snowy had started the workouts without me. I smiled. Someone had asked me to go into town with them this afternoon. A part of me hesitated, but I had agreed anyway.
He left his football jacket in the backseat of the car. The afternoon temperatures were swindling in triple digits. Downtown Honolulu was a burning furnace of violent humidity. Urban wonderers walked in slower paces attempting to gather around the cool shade of the skyscrapers that reached up to touch the scorching sky. They were trying to avoid the scalding rays of the sun. I kept my hands by my neck and my eyes to the ground. The heavy air swallowed us with it as our feet drudged through the slippers by our toes. There was a distance between us. It wasn't visible nor was it noticeable, but it was there nonetheless.
He pointed to a few shops and we entered them with the casual grace that most tourists lack. We looked around, made comments, and left. I felt small when I walked beside him. It wasn't the baseball cap or the expensive jeans that he was wearing that made me feel that way. I don't know what it was. He placed his sleeveless arm on the bare part of my shoulder on the outside of where the wife-beater ended. He pointed to another shop. I nodded again with my casual grace.
It wasn't long till we ended up at a pet store. Little baby animals slept behind the glass while little children tapped against the transparent surface with thunderous demands. Tropical birds squawked in the confinement of their cages. Their aquiline features were accentuated by the colors of reds, greens, and blues. I passed by the hamsters and bunny rabbits to take a closer look at the aquariums. It made me remember the times my mother would take me shopping in the mall.
"What are you thinking about?" he came from behind.
My fingers slid through the cool exterior of the aquarium.
"Nothing."
He pressed his head closer to the glass. His brown eye reflected from it. And it was superimposed by the ecosystem within. It was as if the eye belonged inside there, glowing and luminous.
I continued, "My mom always said that she'd buy me a pet one day."
He kept his eyes where they were and his hands were by his knees. This position made his shoulders look much larger than they really were. He licked his lips and bit the lower portion of it.
"If I get a dog today I'll let you name it and you can come walk the dog with me whenever you're free."
The giggling children behind us were becoming rapidly amused by the snakes and reptiles. I could still see his eye reflecting from the aquarium, but I couldn't tell if he was looking within it or at me.
"Are you even allowed to have pets inside your condo?"
He laughed, "I don't know, but I also don't give a crap."
Damien then stood and turned to look at me directly.
"So should I get a dog today or not?"
I tried to hide my smile.
"Good. Now come with me."
We had gotten the call about the barbecue by the beach right after we left the pet store. Joe had reserved the spot and invited all the Gold and Brown members, except for two unmentioned people. They hadn't done something like this in a while and they wanted to do it as a cheer up since Lucky had left the school. They were with him last night at the airport. I was working but I felt like we had already said our goodbyes.
The sun was setting by the time we got there. I could hear the sounds of Bobby's boom box and the familiar voices laughing in the distance. There was something cooling about the rushing waves that spiraled by the sands.
"Damien! Ethan!"
Joe was holding a barbecue stick and a tong. Pierre stood a top a table and performed a somersault in the air.
"Where have you guys been all day?" Eric asked as he approached us.
Damien started laughing, "We went into town to look for some ideas for the Halloween party, but we ended buying a dog instead!"
I walked pass the two to greet the others.
Bobby switched a track and asked, "What kind of dog?"
"A German Shepherd," I replied.
The vice-president of the gold members pulled out his cell phone.
"I took a picture of her before we got here."
Everyone gathered around him with great curiosity.
Eric climbed over shoulders to see the pictures.
"So where is she?" he asked.
"I can't picker her up until I clear a few things with my parents. But I'm pretty sure she'll be shitting on my bed by Monday."
Boo grabbed the cell phone and asked, "What did you name her?"
Damien's brown eyes followed mine, "Ethan named her."
The attention was now drawn on me. I rubbed my shoulder.
"Dyno," I said.
After an awkward silence I continued with, "It likes bones."
They laughed at the corniness of it. I quickly scanned the numerous members of the student council to find that both Timmy and Celly missing. I sighed. A large part of me wanted them to admit what they did was wrong. Using personal information to blackmail someone may give you what you want but it doesn't give you respect. But another part of me had sympathy for them. There's always a reason for why people do the things they do. Sometimes they're just cold and masochistic people. I knew that there was something else there, something that was missing.
As Damien folded himself into the comfort of his social life I went to go get some food to eat.
I was chewing some meat on one end of the picnic table when Eric patted me on the back, "How's life as a fellow Brown Member?"
I smiled, "I feel like we have a lot to do in the next few days, but its good so far."
His wavy hair flowed along with the breeze. It made his features more playful than they already were. Eric's father owned a trucking company that transported goods throughout North America. Eric had first come out to his neighbor and best friend before confiding anything with his parents. Like most closet homosexuals he was scared of disappointment and rejection. His father seemed ok with the concept of having a son that had a preference to the male gender. It was his mother's reaction that surprised him the most. Eric's mom had a certain reputation to uphold at the Country Club. It was bad enough that her husband's business was a lowly trucking company, but now her son had the audacity to out himself as a `fudge packer'. Those were her words. She called him a few other things and decided that it was only fair that he deny himself his own sexual identity.
Eric wasn't a fighter. Not at first. He was only fourteen. His mother was delighted when he reluctantly agreed. The brown member fell into a deep depression in his first semester of high school. It didn't help that his best friend had let it out that he was into guys. That's when the bullying started. He came home one day with a bleeding nose. His mother finally showed signs of concern and asked him what happened. He told her that it was the price for her own happiness. It brought her to tears because she finally realized that it should have her blood spilled for the happiness of her only child. Eric's parents signed him up for Montega Academy the following semester. Though their relationship was still strained Eric received the best gift that he always wanted from both his parents. Acceptance.
He placed both his feet up on the bench and leaned against the table.
"It's good that we have you though. You seem responsible enough for the role and Max has gone a little AWOL."
A frown formed across the curves of my face.
"That's true. I haven't seen him in ethic's class lately. Do you know if he's ok?"
After our trip into the jungles of Oahu, Max had been acting strange. Maybe it was because of Kyle. His death was so abrupt. Or maybe it was because of D-
Eric moved his head closer to me and whispered, "Rumors are going around that Max hangs out at urges now."
He was mystified with his own words. Confusion scribbled over my face. A softer song played from the boom box.
"Urges?"
His eyes widened.
"You don't know?"
There were a lot of things about the school that I didn't know of.
He looked around again before saying, "It's something you do not want to get yourself into."
The humidity of the day was slowly leaving as a soft island breeze swept through the beach. The waves of the pacific rolled over into the mounds of sand. Because of the long range of volcanic mountains that comprise the Hawaiian chain a pattern in the circulation of wind occurs. This leeward side of the island is where the circulations are more common. During the afternoon these sea breezes would pick up and then drift back from land to sea shortly after sunrise.
A spiraling disc interrupted my thoughts and the questions I was about to ask. Eric caught the Frisbee and looked around. Pierre waved for him to return it and signaled for us to play. It was at that moment when I turned towards his direction that I found Damien talking to one of the Brown members. The guy was also from my basketball team. The football player leaned in closer and whispered something in his ear. The boy giggled at he heard and nodded. It was their body language that bothered me for some reason. The way Damien was standing so close to him gave me a weird feeling that came from the pit of my stomach. It was then that I remembered all the things that people had warned me about. "Everyone has a school boy crush on him," Joe once told me. I think what bothered me most was that I didn't want to be one of those guys. Maybe I was just thinking too much and that they were only having a good conversation. Why did I care? I'm not one of those guys. It's stupid. "So are you going to play with us?" I looked at Eric for a second before saying, "Nah. I think I'll just go for a swim." He winced and then threw the Frisbee back to Pierre. "Be careful."
I walked towards the next table and began to peel off my shirt. Eyes glazed over me as I folded my shirt onto the bench. Damien stared at me now, not paying attention to the boy he was talking to. Maybe it was the reaction that I wanted. The others were gathered around playing some kind of card game. The sand was still warm beneath my feet. It was getting darker now. I came up to where the waves splashed across the land. The water was cold and my body began to form goose bumps. I brushed a few blond strands from my eyes before running into the water and taking a shallow dive. After a minute I adapted to the temperature of the water. The force of the ocean pushed me from side to side. When I had gotten out of the water, I slid my hands to put my hair back. There were a few surfers near where I was and the one with shoulder length hair approached me. His board was placed in-between his arm and ribcage. "Hi. My buddies and I wanted to know if you've ever surfed before." I was cold so I crossed my arms. "No. I've never had a chance to try it." He shook my hand with a big smile, "Good. Because there will be an amateur surfing contest by the North Shore in a few weeks and you're more than welcome to sign up. Here's a pamphlet." I took it from his other hand. He explained the concept as a fundraiser for diabetes and was able to coax me into thinking about it. I still had a lot of responsibilities but the Halloween event would have been over by then. In the end I agreed to sign up online and that I would come in for a rules and safety meeting a week before the competition. I came back to where the others were. Everyone was sitting around the table and playing another card game. After getting the keys to Damien's car, I changed and came back. I joined them to play a series of different card games when Pierre's cell phone rang. His facial expression formed a weird look. It was for me. "Lee?" "No. It's Sophie. We need to meet up. Tonight."
After the barbecue Joe drove me to a diner not far from the school. Damien chose to ignore me for the rest of the night and I wanted to respect his space. I sighed. We were just friends anyway.
What was interesting about the diner was that it looked like a hut from the outside. The parking space was made to look like a dirt pathway and entrance even hand a wooden authenticity about it. The inside looked like any other diner I've been to. There were several people there and a waitress asked if I needed a seat. I told her that I was meeting someone.
Sophie was sitting crossed legged, staring out the window when I got there. Her naked legs glimmered up to where her flesh met her miniskirt. Besides being Liam Jackman's stalker, Sophie had another reputation back home. Every year we had a spring celebration that included a parade and hotdogs. Before the rise of her obsession with my older brother, she was the town's teenaged beauty queen. When Mrs. Cassidy would come over she would show my mother clippings of Sophie's pictures throughout her adolescent years. Mrs. Cassidy herself was the parade's beauty queen at one point in some distant era. But her pride for the McKinnon girl faded along with the rest of the town after news of her wrong doings.
I approached her quietly.
"Hey. You wanted to talk?"
She seemed startled but motioned me to sit down.
"Yes. How are you doing?"
I pulled the chair out.
"I've been busy. How about you?"
She let out a two second laugh.
"All over the place."
I nodded while I sat across from her.
"What's going on? Is about the case?"
I couldn't bring myself to say his name again.
"Before we get into it, can I ask you something?"
Her beautiful gray eyes shifted downwards.
"Do you think it would be wrong of me to ask your brother to – I don't know – to have a bite or maybe just for coffee..."
I reached for her wrist in an attempt to comfort her.
"He has a girlfriend now."
She nodded, "I know that. Old habits die hard, huh? Maybe I just really want to make it up to him somehow."
I studied her features to see if she was being honest.
"Sophie, just let it go."
She looked at me with an inquisitive expression on her face.
"It's hard."
It was only a second before she looked as if she regretted what she had said. I thought about something my parents would say.
"Even if he has forgiven you, he may never feel the same way you do. And if you really care about him then you'll respect his space."
I was telling her what I was trying to do with Damien. I didn't know it then but my situation was different from hers.
She smiled, "Thanks. I guess a helpful reminder is always healthy."
I nodded.
"So what else did you want to talk about?"
Her facial expression became serious.
"I want you to be my eyes and ears in the school. Will you do it?"
It took me a second to figure out what she wanted from me. And it took me another second to think it over.
"Of course I will."
She seemed satisfied with that answer so she leaned in closer.
In a low voice she said, "Good. Now I can tell you about the traces of a drug we found during the autopsy of Kyle's body."