Becoming a girl (TS/TV/Cd/Gay sex) by Vincent Fairclough based on my own experiences Part 1 of 2 - my growing up
I am a man who has always been fascinated by my own physique or rather the lack of it, with the advent of the internet I was keen not only to look at women online but also other men, when I was at school I was always humiliated by my permanently boyish body, it just seemed to refuse to grow into a man and I was always embarrassed to shower with the other boys, especially after sport which I used to make excuses to get out of anyway because I was rubbish at them.
Later once I had been married for 20 years, watching women on webcams was a rare but informative event, seeing how people looked and how they touched themselves, still it was hard to find women to watch. Even in the early days there where show-off's who would openly masturbate on cam and sometimes I would talk to them while they did it, and if I was lucky I would be rewarded by watching them cum. In addition to finding it fascinating I was realising it was turning me on and I started to gain enough confidence to return the favour.
I think the formative moment was one of those rare days when you are alone at home and horny in the early hours of the morning and I knew I was going to go and chat on webcam but this time was different, I had seen a few guys wearing women's undies and how much attention they got, well I had got to the house to myself as my wife was in hospital overnight. So I put a dressing gown on but underneath it I had a bra and knickers on. I was actually shocking myself as the decision to do this was quite spontaneous. I wondered if I would be ridiculed as sometimes happened anyway, it's no fun having a small cock when there are so many to be compared to. So I went on my favourite camera site and soon there where a few people watching me and paying me compliments. That felt good as it rarely happened when I went on normally, soon there where several guys stroking themselves for me and I was truly aroused. I quickly figured out that if I took my panties off I would just be a guy but if I pulled them to one side I could perform for them, the rush of excitement was amazing, now people liked me not for who I was but for who I was pretending to be, looking back I guess that is something that girls do all the time, they create a persona or front through what they are wearing and play to that.
Some months later I had bought some sexy undies for my wife and she had bought other outfits too and we realised that a lot of the tops came with panties,now as she was bottom heavy she had to buy other panties to make these outfits complete. Well we had been talking a lot more openly recently for other reasons, so I asked her fif I could try on some of her panties. After her initial reservations about why I wanted to do this she agreed. I had told her that it was hard for guys to get sexy underwear as most of it was fetish or bondage gear and that I wanted to be a bit more feminine and sexy. She agreed and she knew how turned on I was that she was touching me in this pair of French knickers, she made me lie on my back and started stroking me so gently and telling me how girlie I felt in them. Her kisses where soft and even more passionate than usual so I knew she approved and as I started to touch her she made me stop and said 'no' so I realised what she was going to do, I was breathing heavily and she must have been paying close attention and asking me how I felt in those soft silky knickers, her hand slowly working its way up and down my shaft and down my balls, stroking my inner thighs. Of course it soon became too much and I had one of the easiest orgasms ever, as she felt me cumming she drew her hand up to the head of my cock and squeezed all my juices out into the panties, when I finally finished cumming she rubbed the panties all over my cock and tummy mopping up the juices and saying, "All your hot spunk in your sexy panties, they are yours now". I could see a look in her eyes that was more intense than I had seen before.
Another time she found me a nice cammy top to wear with another pair of panties, and I had been prancing around on webcam seeing what the response would be, but I went over to her and started kissing her, the next thing I knew she was pulling me on top of her and ramming my cock into her, but more than that she was touching me as if this was something that she had been waiting for and we fucked very intensely but this time it was her that was feeling the full benefit of my girliness. Over time I had started having some men and I realised two things, one I really enjoy touching men, and two that when I do touch men I like to play a more sensual, submissive role. Thankfully my wife at the time also admitted she was bi-curious and she was prepared to support me fully in my experiments to find out what I really liked.
Thinking about my life generally I have realised a few things, I have three sisters all of whom in different ways can be quite tomboyish, I have never had any pretensions of being macho and although I can be dominant with women, I am very submissive with men. Also my first sexual contact at age 13 was with a boy. We had been discussing the girl who lived backing onto his house, he was telling me that he could watch her shower, I said I didn't think he could see anything through the bubble glass and he replied that he could tell she now had breasts and that he wondered what it would be like to kiss her, before I knew he he was pulling me close and not only kissing me but ramming my hand into his trousers that he had undone, I was grabbing his cock as if I had any choice in the matter and he was proceeding to do the same to me, sadly his mum chose that moment to open the door to ask us if we wanted a drink. Although she was somewhat speechless at the sight of her son in a sexy embrace with me. This was further not helped by the fact that she was one of the first people I masturbated to. I didn't think of it as a gay thing at the time, just a horny grope, but one that I always wanted to finish properly.
When I was 16 I went into the boys toilets at school to be greeted by one of the sixth formers appearing from a cubicle, cock in hand, hard and very big. There were a couple of other boys milling around and he was telling us how girls liked to wank and suck him, no wonder, he must have been ten inches long and very thick and uncut, he t. He told us he didn't mind us looking at it and he walked up and down stroking. I was most disappointed when he went into a cubicle to finish off. I did think about it for many years, I really wanted to see what it felt like to touch that big hard shaft and make it cum.
Anyway now in my 50's, I have been wondering just how 'gay' I am and I have attended a local LGBT support in an attempt to find out I have also read many books on sexuality and slowly but surely I have started to form a picture of who I think that I am. It turns out that you do not become gay due to any influences sexual or societal, you just come to realise who you always have been as when you get older you are less influenced by others. Also your sexuality is defined in two ways, we are all conceived female and each part of a man's genitalia has an equivalent part it would have been if we had not developed from a girl, your gender is defined 6-8 weeks after pregnancy when the mothers hormones rise and the if level of one of them compared to the others is significantly higher, then you become a boy at least physically, however there is a second rise on hormones few weeks later and the result of this one is less clear cut, but it is believed that if there is an equally strong rise then you will be typically male, aggressive etc., however if this rise does not occur or occurs outside the time window, then you will be gay, or at least feminine if you are a guy. Additionally studies have shown that there is more predominance of gayness in the third born of the samesex. Ironically I found out just a few years ago that I am not the second born but the third, I should have had an older brother, something that I have always felt in my heart, was that was who I needed to make me more boyish, or would I always have been who I now know that I am? Or should I have been born a woman?
So how do I feel about men, firstly I have not had enough experience with them to build a full picture, I am certain that I will always be attracted to women I do not see men as a substitute and I have never had romantic feelings about a man, but then again few of the gay couples that I know are openly romantic even though they may be sensitive and romantic in private. I am sure that I like cock, actually way more than I like looking at men's faces or arses, few of which of anything for me. I do want to experience men more fully and would love to have a regular friend to explore with. But what also fascinates me is transsexuals, both transvestites and transgender and inter sex people, that is people who have both genitals, something that occurs a lot more often than is talked about. I am sure that I want a relationship with a woman, or at least someone that looks outwardly like a woman...
continues in Part2.....
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