Becoming Me

By TM

Published on Dec 18, 2006

Gay

My eyes flutter open to see the morning light. I instinctively look to the right to see what time it is, but I realize that the clock is not there because I am not in my own bed. As sleep slowly evaporates from my perceptions, I find memories of last night flooding into me. I look over and see you lying next to me, your back to me. I suddenly feel a bit awkward, never having woken up next to a naked man before. Without the frame of reference of last night, I might have jumped out of bed in a wild panic. Might have...but last night did happen. It was no dream, though at times it was dream like. I lie here naked, my cock still feeling the impression of your mouth around it from the night before. My lips have a similar feeling from having kissed you repeatedly and deeply as well. I can't pretend I was not a willing participant so I may as well not try.

I turn very carefully not knowing that kind of sleeper you are. I look at the muscles on your back and the few moles that lie across the skin. I stare at your hair, and your shoulders. I think to myself of what I felt last night and why it is that I can't bring myself to touch you now. I assume I'm afraid, but of what? That I might like it? I think that's a moot point considering I fell asleep in your arms after having come in your mouth twice. I think about this a moment. Never before have I ever climaxed with a woman like that, and certainly never more than once. The memory makes my heart beat fast and hard.

I lie on my back almost afraid to move when I feel you shift under the covers. I look over and see that your eyes are closed. I stare for a moment until I see you smile and realize that you probably have been awake as long as I have. As if to confirm this, you say "Good morning." I awkwardly say "Good morning" back. "I'm surprised you're up this early. You fell asleep hard." I note you don't reference the fact that I was in your arms when I fell asleep. "Well it's been a long week as I said. What time is it anyway?" I say trying to sound relatively casual. "It's about 5:45. You must be an early riser!" you say sounding as relaxed as I wish I were. "That should be plenty of time then for me to get home and change for work." I say trying to get myself focused on the day. You respond "You really shouldn't go in today." "What?" I say sort of clumsily. "You have been working 12 hour days for 2 weeks, or so you told me last night. You also told me that you had met all of your deadlines earlier that day, hence your decision to go out. That alone argues toward you taking a personal day, and after last night, well, I think you'd do well to not try to focus on work because I suspect you won't be able to." I flush a bit with the last part but see the point in what you say even if I'm not quite ready to agree with it.

"I don't know what to say about last night" I say. "That's one of the reasons I think you shouldn't rush off." you reply. "Are there other reasons?" You look into my eyes and say "I think you need to explore more of what happened last night as well." I shake my head a bit. "What do you mean explore?" You smile kindly as you reply "Last night was no accident. It was something that was not just inevitable, but absolutely necessary for you." I laugh nervously "You act as if you knew this would happen." You say with some authority "I didn't know it would happen, but I do know you needed it." I find myself reacting to this.

"I wasn't sure what I'd do when I woke up. Part of me thought I'd bolt." I say openly. "That might have been a possibility but I didn't think you would." you say. "Why not?" I ask. "Because you wanted this and it was clear to me that you had admitted that much to yourself when you fell asleep in my arms." I feel somewhat weird at hearing you talk so casually about this. "I was exhausted" I say weakly. "Oh, you definitely were, but you still had enough energy to fill my mouth twice in a half hour." you say somewhat provocatively. I blush at this but can't deny it. You continue "Honestly I don't remember the last time anyone had that kind of volume. I can only imagine what you must be like when you're well rested." I feel nervous not just because of what you say but also because I can feel myself growing hard in response to it. "That's never happened before." I say. "What's never happened before? Surely you've had orgasms before last night!" "Not like that" I say. "I've never come twice in a row before, and the second time it was..." I feel you move close to me and whisper in my ear "Yes, wasn't it?" Your hand moves down my chest and I feel my body react. I feel oddly betrayed by my body, as if I don't want it to react the way it is, but I know you can tell what your touch is doing to me.

"You never felt anything like this before last night." You say huskily. It is a statement. I feel the covers being slowly pulled down my body and in the morning light I feel suddenly more exposed than I was last night. I feel myself shaking but I can't bring myself to stop you. "Say it" you tell me. "No, never before." My lips feel cold and my tongue is dry against my teeth. Your hand moves lower and the covers move with it. "You want to feel more of it, don't you?" My heart is slamming against my chest like a truncheon being used to loudly knock on a door demanding admission. My ears are thrumming with the wild rhythm. "Yes" I say with almost no breath. "Yes what?" You ask. "Yes I want you." My body is now completely uncovered. I feel the coolness of the air against my aching cock. "Tell me what you want from me." you say. Your hand is on my belly, teasingly moving to my pubic hair, but no lower. "I want you to do what you did last night." I say not wanting to give name to it. You blow air onto my nipples, and then say "What I did to you?" you ask. "Or what we did together?" Tears are in my eyes. I feel like a small child aching to be held. "What did we do last night?" I am dying here. "We had sex." I say after a long pause. "It was more than that. Tell me what we did." You breathe the words into my ear making me shudder. Tears are now flowing freely. "We made love." I can't believe how this admission affects me. I feel like my heart is going to leap out of my chest any second. You slider your hand on my thumping chest and say "Yes, we did. And we are going to again, and again and again." I groan audibly at this. And when you are so tired from lovemaking that you can't take anymore, we will sleep in each others arms, naked and whole." Your fingers are teasing me mercilessly, fingering the base of my shaft. "What did you do to me?" I say almost without thinking. "You've always wanted this. You just didn't know where to go to find it." I shake from your teasing. "And what did I find?" You take my hand and put it on your own chest where your own heart is racing. "It's right here." You say with incredible tenderness. I feel the tears in my eyes again as you kiss me, cradling my head in your arms. When our lips part briefly all I can seem to say is "incredible".

Some time before you fill your mouth with my aching cock I look down and see that it is literally glistening with precum. You haven't even touched it up till now, but when you notice me staring at the slickness of its head, you run a finger along the shiny coat and lift it up to my lips and coat my lips with it. I have never tasted myself like this and yet when you touch my lips, I am intoxicated. The saltiness of it is not what I expect...almost balm like. I suck your fingers and kiss them copiously. I can't seem to kiss you enough right now. Your own cock is both harder than I could ever have imagined it being yet the flesh is soft and sensual. When you drink from me the first gout of semen, I make a loud sobbing noise of release, as if I I were trapped in amber, suddenly bursting free. Out the warm come flows out of me, my body now telling me what it wants independently of anything I might have thought previously. I am an object of lust...an engine. I pull you up to my mouth and kiss you deeply, the taste of my seed still in your mouth, and filling mine.

I lower myself down your chest, now moving more deliberately, exploring your body and reveling in it. Odd thoughts flood my head. I imagine the great nude sculptures I've seen of men and wished they all had erections. I look down at your hard cock and it dawns on me that it is for me, and I want it. I move slowly down, both nervous and anxious. I've never had a cock in my mouth before. I see the precum drip from it and feel my mouth water. I'm almost forgetting that you even are attached to this throbbing thing.

The initial touch of your cock against my lips is tentative and clumsy. I worry that I will hurt you so I am very light. This seems to appeals to you as you make sounds of approval. I continue to move slowly, partly because of inexperience, but also because I have an absurd fear of choking because it is so long. Slowly but surely, my tongue finds its way around the topology of your cock. I find it oddly reassuring that there is no hair anywhere around your cock or balls. I embolden myself and begin to move your cock deeper into my mouth and I hear you groan louder. I try to think of what you would do and try to explore the head with my tongue, feeling the curves, and the cleft. The more I explore the more comfortable I become. The saltiness of your precum is intoxicating. My head begins to move faster. I hear a voice in my head say "This is it!" When I feel the thick taste of your semen enter my mouth, I am not so much consumed with the taste as I am with the heat of it. It slides down my throat as if with intention, and I feel as if my whole body lights up from within. It is more than consummation, it is a communion...a true one, for I am indeed taking your body into me and consuming it. I suck at your pulsating cock as if for nourishment. Tears are streaming down my eyes as thoughts flood my head.

Later I lie in your arms as you sleep. I look over at the window and realize that it is still pretty early in the morning. I still have your taste in my mouth. Part of me feels oddly sad. There was a certain comfort in my innocence prior to the chain of events that led me here. A security perhaps in the idea that I thought I knew from one day to the next what would happen and who I was. Yet here I am, lying with you. I contemplate leaving and trying to pretend that this whole thing never happened, but I know I can't. I need to be here. I need to be with you. I don't need reasons or explanations, I just know that right now I feel whole. I close my eyes and hold you as I drift to sleep again, my naked body still tingling from our lovemaking. I remember a thought I had in my head last night before my first orgasm. "There's no coming back from this" I found myself thinking. Indeed there isn't.

Next: Chapter 3: New Beginning


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