It took a few days but I finally returned to school with my arm in a sling. I found I was suddenly known to everyone and got a lot of odd stares in the hallways. One odd thing about my school is that you have to go outside to change classes, you know like you have a science building, an English building and so forth. Mostly people stared a bit, but didn't say much. Then there were those vocal few that didn't like me outright, and suddenly I had enemies in people that knew nothing about me ten days ago, and now the only info they had was that I was dating Casey.
Local news broke that for the politically connected Fremont's and I guess what Mr. Fremont likes more than anything is a good fight and he had plenty of energy to go after his newfound critics who plainly stated that he was no ally of theirs due to the immoral upbringing of his children. His pastor asked the family to leave the last time they attended church and it had been hard on the whole family. To the Fremont's credit they seemed to realize that Case and Harry would never want any of this for their parents, and it seemed to serve to bring them closer as a family, forcing them to close ranks and be a house united.
Of the vocal few at school I got some nasty comments and vague threats which I took seriously, after all if I was caught alone I'd be in trouble. My mother called in a great show of panic, and I rebuffed her. Nothing had changed there. All in all it seemed as though most people didn't really care where I was interested in putting what. But there is always those few.
Chris's dad had been pretty seriously injured in my opinion, but I'm no doctor. Seems as though the bullets that hit him did a lot of damage and he would be in the hospital for a few months.
The bad stuff started about two weeks later when a note was dropped in my locker threatening to cause me serious bodily harm. A few days later someone was convinced I was staring at him and it freaked him out. Gradually it seemed as though our little group was ostracized from the other members of the school as pressure increased in the local pulpit and general redneck attitudes began to assert themselves.
The Right Reverend Robert Laurie met with local officials about this new threat in their schools, something which they had previously considered a big city issue. They talked about ways to protect their youth and met with stiff resistance from the mayor. Suddenly it was like we were illegal drugs. Things quickly cam to a head and the school system felt it might be safer if I stayed at home, as well as Case. I was crestfallen. It had seemed as if the worst had been past when Case had come out and I had been brought with him, but it was the adults who were spurring the issue on, or it was more like they were making up an issue.
We spent a lot of time at Casey's house while this was going on and it seems as though the whole ordeal brought us that much closer in certain ways, but it was also starting to tear us apart in ways we had never imagined. The pressure was enormous, and it was starting to show. Sometimes I could almost hear Case thinking that if he'd never met me things would be different, and maybe he was right. But I couldn't change that now and I'm not sure I would if I could. Our little group began to show some interesting changes as well.
I was in love with Casey, I know that and so do you, right? And if you're in love no one else could turn you on, right? Or am I wrong? I hope I'm wrong, cause I just realized how hot Grant is. I don't know, maybe it was the stress but my relationship with Case seemed to be at a standstill and that wasn't my fault. But I knew I still loved him, it doesn't just go away. But I started thinking about Grant at odd times and I felt so damn guilty for it. I never touched him, but I found I couldn't trust myself alone at his house either. I was so weak; it made me sick sometimes. I shouldn't feel so attracted to anyone else should I? This is why married people cheat, isn't it? Cause they see someone that sends them?
I felt a lot of trouble in my heart, and I know part of it was because something in my head told me I really wasn't good enough for Casey, and that he probably did wish we had never met.
It was then that Grant, the normally quiet and reserved one of our group, stepped to the front. You know, in retrospect he had been undergoing a metamorphosis for the last month or so. He was stronger, more confident and smiled all the time, such a change from his days in the home. And in the end, it was Grant that saved us all.
There was to be a town meeting, all folks would be there and the local cable access channel would broadcast the town meeting. It was turning into national news, which was frightening. We couldn't even step out the door without people asking questions and trying to pick us apart mentally. Religious nuts showed up from something called god hates fags.com, and waved banners saying that God would judge us, and that we would all burn in hell. It was very intimidating to say the least. I was at Casey's house the morning of the Saturday town meeting. We all were, standing as one. I was sitting on the couch nestled with Case; Sheila sat similarly nestled with Kyle. Cris and Grant were side by side on the couch, and Chris sat in the leather wing chair in the study. We were somber and not at all inclined to talk.
Mr. Pritchard had already pledged his support to us; he would stand for what he believed in no matter the cost. Case and I took a walk to try and calm down, and we ended up sitting on a red rock formation about a half-mile from his house. I decided that we should talk, before the stress broke us completely.
"Case?" I said quietly.
"Yeah?"
"I need to talk to you about...all this."
"Ok." He said in a reserved kind of voice.
"Case I, I am so sorry you have to go through this. I Hope that you know I never wanted to cause you any harm and..." I hesitated, and then grabbed courage enough to finish, "I feel kinda like you wish you had never met me." I finished my voice no more than a whisper.
"Justin," He began slowly, "It has been a lot for me to go through, yeah. I guess I haven't been very supportive of you with me wrapped up in myself over this, and I'm sorry. I brought this trouble down on us cause I outed us, and I feel bad y'know? If I had just beaten Jimmy's ass for being an idiot it would all still be ok, but now it's all fucked up." His voice dropped, "And I can see how you've been watching Grant a lot lately. I was thinking maybe you didn't want me anymore."
My cheeks flushed, I had been caught looking just a little to long, or laughing a little too much. I knew I needed to look in my heart so that I could be honest and maybe get myself where I needed to be, mentally.
"Case, I love you. Understanding my heart sometimes, well, it's easier to throw a rope around a fool."
"Huh? I mean, I am really relieved that you still love me, but what are you talking about?" Casey questioned.
"See, someone who is smart will make some fairly predictable choices, it's like it gives you an advantage to know that they'll turn right or something. But a fool is unpredictable, so trying to figure out what a fool would do might not be as easy."
"Ok, I get it. It's like you have to time throwing a rope, so you have to know what your throwing it at so you can time it right, right?"
"Exactly."
"And this has what do you with your heart and Grant?" He asked, a slight edge on his voice.
"Well, I won't say I don't think he's cute." I said slowly.
"No shit, Sherlock!" Casey snorted.
I was shocked. My boyfriend thought another guy was cute while being in love with me? I wonder just how cute he thought Grant was?
"Um, do you ever...you know, think about Grant? Um, sexually?"
Casey blushed deeply. "Well, not voluntarily, but yeah. He's really cute, nice smile. Next to you maybe the hottest kid in school. But what does that have to do with it?"
I turned this piece of information over in my head.
"Well, I was thinking maybe I was...not right for you cause even though I know I am in love with you, Grant turns me on. I never did anything about it, but in my head I feel like I'm cheating for even looking at him. So I feel like shit about it, and I wonder if I'm being fair to you." I said quietly.
"I am so relieved!" Casey said with a sunny smile as he threw his arms around me.
"What? Why? " I asked seriously.
"Dude, we're dating, not dead! Even if we were married, we're still not dead! It's natural for you to look at someone else, even lust after 'em. Hell, we should share that kind of stuff, compare notes you know? I just wanted to know if it was me you were in love with or if you were falling for him." Case exclaimed.
"In love with him? I barely know him, and even if I was I'd never do anything! I am in love, and it's with you dumbass!" I said indignantly.
"Best news I had all day." Casey said with that killer smile. I put on a show of pouting and he encircled me in his arms and held me close.
"In case you were wondering, I love you too, and I was just scared I was losing you."
I felt renewed and I held him and he me, and for that still moment the world was right.
The meeting was going to be a fight, and the lines were drawn early. The Right Reverend tried to stand and lead the meeting with a prayer, but the mayor firmly cited that this was a government affair and the separation of church and state would take precedence in this case, especially because many religious issues were brought to bear on this particular matter. The reverend was not pleased and made mention that the mayor was biased. The mayor pointed out that the reverend too, was biased, and they continued to eye each other through out the meeting.
The reverend and an assemblyman spoke to the assembled townsfolk about the dangerous nature of the gay movement and the threat it imposed on our children, and they continued on this vein until one of the city board members pointed out that they made their position clear. They began to debate our fate, how schooling would be paid for if we were removed from school and so forth. It was over just like that! We hadn't even gotten to speak! All of that changed in a big damn hurry though, and this I will never forget.
Mr. Fremont stood and was recognized. He approached the podium and addressed the crowd.
"Gentlemen, and ladies of the board and the town. Many years ago there was a small put upon group of people that were not allowed the freedom of choice, and so they fled their homes for fear of persecution. They paid dearly to find somewhere that people could live with out fear of being arrested in the middle of the night for their differences, where they might be free. They founded the United States of America. Try to remember that it wasn't always enough for you to believe in God, as the Reverend will tell you that gays do not. But it only mattered which faction you believed in. This country said you can believe any way you wish."
"Later there were another people that were enslaved due to the color of their skin. Now, I know that they weren't enslaved because they were black, but it became the only way to be a slave was to be black. And so they were treated poorly, even after their emancipation from slavery, simply for their skin color."
" There is a theory that all facts must be considered before reaching a conclusion about any issue. One finds out a great deal through listening. It is why I have served six consecutive terms as a member of the state house of representatives for you, my constituents and neighbors. I have always listened to you about the issues that concern you, and I have always told you what happens in our chambers and what was fought for and why, you all know this. I have learned a great deal about being a man from my children recently. I am going to ask you now to listen to your children, and to hear what they say to you."
He stood aside as we watched Grant stride hesitantly to the front of the room and the podium. That was a surprise, but even bigger was that he was accompanied by Chris, Ashley Peters from the football squad, Sheila and Kyle, and Cris.
Grant looked out at the crowd and suddenly wavered under their curious gaze and the glare of the TV cameras. Newspaper reporters flashed pictures and micro cassette recorders hummed as the crowd hung on the words of a sixteen-year-old boy.
"Ah, hello. My name is Grant Killian. I am here for my friends, Casey and Justin. I don't think any of you know my friends, and that's too bad for you. I know they are gay because they told me. But would you really know if they hadn't? And did it matter before you knew?" Grant took a drink of water before continuing.
"I have here a real cross section of the community's youth. Cris Teague the captain of the varsity basketball team, Ashley Peters the co-captain of the football team and leading tackle in school history. Chris Taylor, who also played football for our school this year. Kyle Pritchard, Mayor Pritchard's son. Sheila Connolly, the only female in our group, and myself Grant Killian. We would like to show you just how normal and like you that we are."
"Ashley's wearing a UNLV basketball jersey, picked cause he has no sense of having a real team. Cris is wearing a tight fitting Quicksilver tee shirt, probably cause his mom buys his shirts one size too small." Grant was enjoying himself now as he traded a few jibes at his cohorts.
"Sheila has a blouse, and I know better than to criticize her style of dress so, moving right along to Kyle. He's got a button up shirt left open with a tee under, very prep if you ask me. Chris has his Navy pullover, and of course there is me, with my turtleneck sweater from J Crew."
In unison they all removed their shirts. Sheila was down to an undershirt with straps, Kyle and Chris were bare chested, Cris wore a plain tee style undershirt and both Grant and Ashley had the 'wife beater' style undershirt.
"As you can see," Grant began, "We have made a few different decisions under our clothes in what we choose to wear, mostly for comfort I think. But those are choices."
Grant began to remove his shoes and the others followed suit.
"We all have different shoes for different needs, Ashley with the high top for ankle support, Sheila with the low pump, Chris with the sneaker that lets his feet breath so they don't smell so bad that the rest of us can't breath when he takes those things off." This drew a chuckle from the crowd; "Kyle has the shell top Adidas cause no one ever told him they went out of style. Cris has the Air Nikes cause he really thinks they make him jump higher and run faster." This again drew a chuckle from the semi friendly crowd, although some were obviously beginning to wonder where this was all heading. "Nothing more than a choice really. And socks are different from person to person too, you'll notice." Grant commented.
The reverend began to stir as pants were unbuttoned before him, but he was silenced quickly and threatened with removal.
The six on stage were now down to their skivvies, and Grant continued. "Well, I guess this answers the burning question of boxers or briefs, eh?"
"We wear different things, and when we go home we love different people. When you look at us, can you tell who's gay and who isn't?"
"You can't tell a murderer by looking!" Bellowed the Reverend in his best hellfire, brimstone and damnation voice.
"That's true," Grant stared him down, "And you also can't tell the next US President, the next artist, the next street bum, crack addict or priest. But those are all choices we make, being gay isn't. And it just goes to prove that underneath it all, we're not so different you and I, myself and Kyle. Or any of us from any of you. In case your wondering, I'm the gay person up here now, but did you even have a clue?"
The room was quiet, and I mean dead quiet. I had to say I was impressed. Grant had pulled off a major coup and had brought those people a dose of reality. And he had come out!
"Um, before you all go away I'd just like to say, I don't know if I'm gay or not but...I'm dating Grant if that helps you out any." Cris said in a firm voice and glanced at Grant and smiled warmly.
As the articles of clothing were replaced another man stood wearing the collar of a clergyman and made his way to the podium. He stood straight with white hair combed neatly over his small head and focused his somber gray eyes on the assembled people. I groaned inwardly before he spoke and quietly prayed that god would protect me from his followers.
"I," He began, "am Minister Holohan. I would like to remind all of us of something we seem to have forgotten as a people. The bible clearly states, and I quote, 'Judge ye not, lest ye be judged' and we all seem to think we know what God wants. God is the only judge, and we have no business passing judgement on these people. We condemn the homosexual for his lifestyle, because we believe him to be godless and unbelieving. But when he seeks the comfort of the church, the faith of the church we turn him away. I wish I could be as sure as the Reverend exactly how God feels about homosexuality, because the bible is nothing more than man's interpretation of God's will. No where in the bible will it tell you to pass judgement on another man. Nowhere will it tell you to punish the homosexual, or the Negro, or the oriental, or the Caucasian for that matter.
The bible does teach love and compassion for your fellow man. So if you truly feel you must have a position in this issue, and you feel it must be a religious stance, then love your brother."
The next few weeks remained busy in the aftermath of a 5-3 vote that left us in school, but things slowly returned to normal. Ashley and his girlfriend Geena began to spend more time with our group, and slowly we fit back into the fabric of the school. Geena was a real trip, and she was always and forever calling wanting to go to the mall and 'shop for guys' as she calls it. Ashley turned out to be a hell of a nice guy, and it seems that he and Chris were good for one another as it gave him someone macho to hang out with. And so once again our group was reformed to include more folks.
The national attention went away in a heartbeat, and I think the townspeople were glad of it too. The Right Reverend was given a quiet trip out of town and asked not to return. Probably not because everyone was suddenly happy to have gay kids in their school, but because he had a tendency to stir things up. I found there were a few places it was less preferable to go in town, like the diner on the main drag. The waitress was a devout Christian and has no desire to wait on us and it showed. I think sometimes Ashley and Chris wanted us to go just to mess with her, but most of the time we went to the little coffee and donut place on Maine.
Harry seemed to be getting his energy back just fine, and he and Blair seemed to be settling in just fine. I spent time at Case's and he at my house, my dad just being very firm about us being careful about any sex we chose to have. I think that as long as I live I will still blush when I think about dad telling us to wrap the meat before we put it away anywhere. Gawd, could he be a bit more graphic?
The Friday after all this had finally blown over and we were just another group of kids at school I went to Casey's for the weekend under the guise of the need to brush up on my English, Case's best subject. Dad used the lame line about me straightening out my Longfellow while being there. Does everyone think we just fuck like rabbits all the time?
Anyway, Case and I rode up together and I was talking a mile a minute cause we were actually together in a no stress environment, no TV bullshit, no school worries, and no frigging homework! Well, nothing I couldn't do in homeroom on Monday morning anyway.
The little car wound it's way to the Fremont house and we walked directly to the kitchen, and no sooner had Case opened the fridge than his mom's voice drifted out of the den.
"Casey Mitchell, leave the garbage bread alone and have some fruit for a snack, and not much cause we're going out to dinner. Hi Justin."
How did she do that? We didn't even pass in front of the Den! And how did she know I was here? I headed to the den and looked in on her sitting in a straight back chair reading a thick novel. At least it was a novel till I got closer, and found that there was a magazine tucked in there.
"Hi, Mrs. Fremont. How did you know I was here?" I asked.
"Casey's home, right?" She asked looking up from her reading and giving me a gentle smile. "If Casey's home, then you are too. If he's not then chances are he's at your house."
"Are we that bad?" I asked with a large grin on my face.
"Worse!" She said breaking into a bright smile, "It's really cute though, you two are a good couple. And I like the people you guys are when you're together. I get to see my son smile a whole lot more these days."
I blushed and decided to turn the tables a bit, you know just to get the heat off of me.
"Whatcha readin' Mrs. F?" I asked, grinning as innocently as I could under the circumstances.
"Dostoyevsky." She replied dryly.
"Really? I asked, "I didn't realize he had his own magazine."
She looked at me, and then seemed to make a decision. She lifted the magazine and I saw the cover. XY?
"It's a magazine for gay youth." She explained, "I got a subscription so that I could better try and understand my son, and who ever is special to him. It's important that I know what is important to young gay people. Cute boys in here too." She said showing me a picture of two guys in a bathroom stall, one sucking the others neck. I felt a stirring, if ya know what I mean. And I think you do!
"Put your eyes back in your head, you guys can have it when I'm done." She said in that same dry voice. I smiled sheepishly and headed back to Case. I found him in his room sitting on his bed. You ever get one of those urges to just touch someone? Not just that though, ever want to see just how much you can turn someone on? I grinned and headed over to Case who was flipping through his notebook, cross-legged on the bed in a hunched position.
I sat behind him after kicking my shoes off and wrapped my arms around him from behind. He grunted and held my hands with one of his. I leaned forward and began to nibble on his right earlobe, sucking it in and then nibbling my way up his ear, and then returning to the lobe. He began to wiggle a bit, and his head turned into my ministrations. I moved a bit lower and began to trace his neck and then moved my hands further up his chest and began making slow circles on his chest, teasing the nipples under the cloth. He let out a sigh and a small whimper. I moved my hands under his shirt and traced his sides reveling in the smooth skin, slowly making my way back to his nipples and teasing them with a feather touch. I continued my efforts on his neck, moving slightly so as not to mark him, I'm sure his mother'd kill me for that, and I slowly moved up to his ear and whispered, "You know what I want now?" I asked in a husky voice.
"What?" He breathed.
"A coke." I said as I stood and headed for the door.
"Asshole!" He said jumping off the bed and tackling me before I could make the door, and just like that we were off in a wrestling match that was no holds barred! Tickling became the weapon of choice and soon we were gibbering messes, giggling each time one faked going for the other with a crooked finger. Finally we called a truce since both of our sides were aching and we settled into a nestled position on the floor.
"We've been though a lot, Just." Casey said suddenly.
I grunted in agreement. "And?" I asked. "Well, it's funny. I like to read, you know? And I found stuff on the Internet, stories about gay people. I know this is going to sound stupid, but a lot of those stories concentrate on people jumping into bed, and don't get me wrong I like everything we do, but if I'm really honest my favorite times are when we are just together." He finished.
I am not sure if I can describe the feeling I was having, but I'll try. My chest was warm and it felt light like it was filled with helium. I squeezed him closer to me.
"I hope that makes sense, Justin. I was first drawn to you cause I think your so hot, but it was who you really are that I love."
"Sometimes, Casey, I love you so much I really think that it must be a kind of fate that things happen the way they do, that I found you."
I lay my head on his back and tried to make contact with as much of myself as I could with him. I needed to change the subject; it was just too heavy even if I did feel exactly the same way he did.
"Case, you'll never guess what I caught your mom readin'" I said.
"He caught your mother reading XY, and she's giving it to you now. You and big mouth, anyway." Mrs. Fremont said stepping through the door. I wonder how long she'd been there.
"You guys can read it later, lets go to the restaurant, we're meeting your father there." She said to Casey, and then she pointed at me with a wicked grin, "And you better take it easy on his neck or I'll wring yours!" I blushed so hard I thought my cheeks would explode, and Mrs. Fremont turned away and I swear it looked like it was because she was going to burst out laughing. In fact I swear to this day I heard little sniggers and chortles as she went down the hallway.
We piled into Mrs. Fremont's VW Van, Harry and Blair in the backseat and Casey and I in the middle. We chatted on about just about everything and arrived at The Nugget in about forty-five minutes. We checked into the restaurant and found Mr. Fremont waiting for us. He had wine set about the table and had taken the liberty of ordering for everyone so that the food would be there soon. As soon as we all were seated around the table Mr. Fremont tapped the side of his glass with his spoon and asked for our attention.
"You know as we go through life we make our share of mistakes. God knows I have made more than I care to remember. I can remember told as a child that if you learn from the mistake, then that it wasn't a loss. In the past few weeks I have learned quite a bit from my children. I have learned just how ashamed I can feel of myself. I have learned how to strive to be a better father, and by that to that end, be a better man. There has never been a man more proud of his children than I am today. I hope that one day my children will forgive me for my assumptions about them, and I hope those people that they hold dear can be a part of my life as well." His voice cracked towards the end. He raised his glass, "And so I make this toast." We all raised our glasses, a little wide eyed and more than a bit misty, and listened.
"To you, my children, and to you whom they love. May we always be family above all else."
Glasses clinked, tears fell and hugs were in order. That was class.
And do you think Case could just let it be? Noooo, not him.
"I have a toast too." He said, mischievous smile directed at me.
We lifted our glasses and waited.
"Here's a drink to you and me, I hope we never disagree." He paused, "But if we do, piss on you, here's to me!"
Everyone laughed except his mom.
"Casey Mitchell Fremont! I should wash your mouth out with soap for talking that way at the table!" She exclaimed. "Now dear," Her husband chided, "It was probably just his way of adding a little levity to the situation." He started to giggle, "Besides if I know Casey you'd wash his mouth out and he'd blow bubbles out of his ass just to spite you!" And we were all off in a laughing fit again, tears were streaming down my face and Mrs. Fremont really tried not to laugh but the realization of how true it was must've hit her because she started laughing too.
Casey's house is really big, in case I hadn't mentioned it before. It's so big that it's the only house I had ever been in that had a rumpus room in it. So there we were, Case, Harry, Blair and I on the floor playing video games and generally antagonizing each other. We started to slowly get around to the subject of how we all had gotten together and then it was on to discussing other guys. Specifically, who we thought was cute.
"Geez, have you guys noticed how frigging hot Grant is?" Harry asked.
I looked at Casey and he at me.
"Um, no not really." I said, and I really tried to keep a straight face, but it just wouldn't happen. We talked for about twenty minutes about Grant, and I'll tell you one thing, truth is stranger than fiction cause just as we were getting over a laughing jag Cris and Grant showed up. We all turned as they came in to the room, giggling like loons.
"What's so funny?" Grant asked with a cute, I mean nice; I mean, uh, hell with it! A damn cute smile on his face.
We burst out laughing. I don't think we'll ever tell him!
Ok, there it is. A little faster this time, eh? Comments to dabeagle@nycap.rr.com and hey, if you haven't done so, go read "What We Are" in the HS section. Later guys! Dabeagle