BIG IS BETTER
By XH4M
This story is a fantasy. All characters in this story are fictional with no resemblance to any real persons implied. Any reader with objections to graphic descriptions of sexual encounters between males, who may not have reached the legal age of consent, or whose local, regional, state or national jurisprudence prohibits such descriptions, should NOT read further. Copyright (c) 2000 XH4M. All rights, implicit or implied, except for distribution by this archive and personal use by the individual downloading the file, are reserved. Inquiries regarding publishing rights for this story should be directed to: xhuge4muscl@hotmail.com
PART 15 - EPIPHANIES
Sam led the way out a back door into a hallway and we headed down a dimly-lit stairwell. Glancing through a window, I noticed it was already getting dark outside which surprised me. As I silently followed him step-by-step down the long flight of stairs, my mind drifted off. Have you ever noticed just how many different and yet complete thoughts can race through one's brain in only several seconds? Well perhaps not - but that seems to be the way my brain routinely works.
In a way, I'd always taken refuge inside of my own head. It was my 'safe place' to go, and I retreated there unconsciously with alarming regularity. Considering what Sam and I had just talked about, I was feeling a bit uncomfortable, if not even worried. I was private by nature and - let's face it - not at all uninhibited. I had a good sense of humor, but generally chose to show a more serious, studious side to the world-at-large. We all 'wear our masks.' There was also a real truth in what I'd told Sam before. I'd never learned how to just play or 'let my hair down' with any regularly. There was always something more important to be done, namely work. Sam had unwittingly just called my bluff and asked me to 'let go.' I knew all he was saying to me was, "I want to play. Please just come play with me. Be your whole self, not just parts of it." Ah, from the mouth of babes, as they say - and what a total babe this man of muscle was! It wasn't a leap to assume Sam was also hoping that included my being sexually playful as well. All I had to do was to be more open, spontaneous, uninhibited and even perhaps wild. Yikes! What had I agreed to? This was going to be a seriously scary stretch.
So in the next few moments I retreated into the depths of my own mind far away from all this - and started conjuring up a multitude of disjointed, random thoughts and impressions. But I was escaping more from myself and my own feelings than I was from Sam.
First it occurred to me I was aroused - just the motion created by stepping-down stairs drew my attention briefly to that unmistakable 'beefiness' in my pant leg. Moreover, I'd been more-or-less aroused since I'd first met Sam, the man. A real man. Was that minutes, hours or even a day ago? I'd lost my sense of time and resigned myself to having a semi-perpetual hard-on whenever I was around this man - as well as beside, behind, in front of, over or under him as well. (I had no way of knowing it at this time, but in retrospect, that's proven to have been an uncannily accurate psychic prediction.)
Sam was already becoming a growing collection of paradoxes and dichotomies to me, even in the short time since we'd met.
For example, his mere physical presence would awe or humble anyone. Even with his clothes on, Sam would probably awe regardless. A professional linebacker would be immediately demoralized by his overall body mass. The size of him just intimidates, shocks and stuns. And with his clothes off, Sam's body would just humble any observer. The beauty in his type of physical development is classical. It intoxicates. The incredibly masculine shapes of perfectly-realized muscular giants, all built to symmetrical perfection, communicate very strong primal messages subliminally. Those messages are about his power and sexual potency. Combined with all of his other "100% all man" attributes, Sam would sit at the apex of the 'Alpha Male' pyramid - the ultimate manifestation of masculinity in this world. Well, in my world anyway.
Then I thought Sam doesn't get out all that much, basing my observation on a few things he'd told me. I doubted many men had ever seen Sam's fully-exposed physique. My impression was he kept to himself quite a bit. I suspected that, if given the opportunity to look at him buck-naked for more than a few seconds, he'd make any woman's panties wet as well as put a big bulge in any man's shorts. His kind of attractiveness is raw - even animalistic. Some physical beauty transcends even gender-orientation. All I knew is he just plain made me sweat. Sam's physical looks were unquestionably 100% 'handsome He-man' - stud material here of the very first order.
Zap - I was off into another completely unrelated thought. This one concerned, of all things, the back of Sam's head - and specifically his dark hair, and then - oddly - his haircut as well, which wasn't something I'd usually even notice. I found myself thinking it was a good haircut, too - overall, just a great look for Sam. His hair looked silky and had a satiny sheen. The length was medium-short; long enough to be able to run fingers through it, but short enough probably to brush, although I guessed Sam combed it. I also noticed the wisps, swirls and rings all over the back of his head suggesting his hair would be naturally quite wavy - maybe even curly if it was longer. But at its current length, it was naturally neat and only hinted at a possible wilder unruliness. Damn! Even this man's hair looked sexy to me.
Wham - I found myself thinking next about Sam's personality. He had some very remarkable, even somewhat unusual, qualities. These characteristics seemed to both repel and yet attract me simultaneously, not unlike the physical man himself; a paradox I'd eventually learn to just accept. If not almost 'simple' acting at times, Sam was certainly 'basic' acting all the time. What you saw was what you got - and it was, in fact, all that was probably there. Sam was open, incredibly straight-forward, honest and sincere, but to a degree which had frankly startled me several times already. All combined, he reminded me of a child - a young boy, in fact. I truly believed the man was incapable of lying or deceit of any kind. In fact, I don't think he even knew how to. Sam also had a certain naivete which was hard to pinpoint, but it was present nevertheless. Yet I'd also heard him say things that hinted at a latent wisdom. Some of these deeper insights greatly surprised me. At this very moment though, I wasn't particularly thrilled with some of his insights however, at least as they directly applied to me. In the short time we'd spent together, I'd already seen suggestions of his generous and giving nature. The total trust he's exhibited - and especially with me so far - was powerfully endearing.
Bang - another odd thought suddenly popped into my head. Actually, it was more of a strong feeling. Sam seemed extremely happy to be fulfilling my 'special birthday request', perhaps even genuinely excited to have this opportunity to show off his big muscles. But I had a strong feeling he was not a real show-off, by nature. I wasn't sure what signals I'd picked up from him exactly, but I'd gotten the impression his ego was quite normal-sized - even if his body was anything but. That thought - this hunch of mine - surprised me. I didn't think this was a characteristic typical of men with such physiques. My hunch nevertheless was Sam wasn't 'into himself' in that way at all. He seemed to have a kind of humility about him - maybe even a wee bit of shyness mixed in - which was masked by his affable, outgoing nature.
It logically followed Sam might be doing this solely because I'd expressed an interest in something he also enjoyed very much. I had finally managed to say it aloud to him - admittedly with a struggle - that I really liked his 'muscles.' It struck me now this dynamic between us was exactly like two excited boys discovering they have a common interest in baseball cards. Sam just wanted very much to show me 'his collection.'
"You like Yoggie Barra cards? Hey, I've got a big set of Yoggie's! You wan'na see 'em? Wow! You've got a REAL Mickey Mantle slugger? I've been looking for that one forever! Say- maybe we can even trade! I'll give you all my Yoggie's for just your one big slugger!"
So Sam wasn't doing this for me merely to show off his clearly far-superior physique in a flaunting way. He was doing this only to please that boy who lives inside of me while exciting and arousing the man in me, too, which could be measured easily by the deflection of the needle on the 'ol dick-ometer. And in truth - I really was both man and boy simultaneously. For that matter, so was Sam.
As for those decidedly 'male' aspects of our personalities - it popped into my head that there probably was a sort of crazy but real sexual feedback loop going on between us. I already had some awareness of this special energy. Together, we created sparks. Pleasure given would beget even more pleasure received. But as for those 'boys' in us, Sam WAS really doing this just for me. All these behaviors now suddenly seemed to me to be about bonding - and Sam was just doing whatever he could to feed and nurture a stronger bond between us. Sam's primary motivation was to please me in whatever way he could - so I WOULD JUST LIKE HIM.
Then I thought about what I'd felt when I was looking into Sam's face upstairs, especially into those eyes of his. I realized what I'd been seeing all along was that 'little boy' inside of him - the little boy who trusted completely, celebrated every aspect of life unquestioningly, and above all else, just wanted a trustworthy friend to play with.
A really big lump formed in my throat suddenly. I felt all mushy and gushy. Something went 'ping' deep inside of me, as if I was just beginning to see Sam through a brand new pair of glasses.
All of these crazy, disjointed thoughts flooded me all at once. Some of them seemed like fairly profound revelations. When taken all together as a whole, it felt like an epiphany of sorts - especially considering I was just (barely) a 19 year old kid. This was a powerful, humbling, and very unsettling sudden awareness. In retrospect, I believe this experience was my heart fully-opening - if but momentarily - to another human being - probably for the very first time in my life, in fact.
Next I began to mull over all of Sam's positive attributes - an already impressive list, at least in my mind. All summed, Sam seemed to be one very decent and kind human being. I thought, "What's not to genuinely like here?" Damn. Nothing I could think of at all certainly. So the guy just also happened to be the most heavily-muscled stallion I've ever seen, which also included television, movies and magazines, too. "So what's not to genuinely LOVE here, Pete?" Damn, nothing I could think of either. That scared me. I decided to stick with 'I liked him.' That I could handle.
Suddenly Sam spoke, abruptly snapping me back from of all these far-away thoughts. I didn't quite catch what he'd said though. It might have been, "Watch your step, Pete." That was probably the gist of it, I thought. My brain suddenly cleared and I was zapped back into the real world again. I was still following Sam down the stairs, right where I'd been before I'd taken that seemingly long mental vacation. In fact I'd probably taken only a few more steps during that whole time my mind had been wandering. Only mere seconds had elapsed.
My eyes focused on Sam's back as he proceeded down the stairs in front of me. With his body framed by the confined space in the stairwell, his overall size was again semi-quantifiable. Although Sam wasn't ducking, his head barely cleared the ceiling. I saw his hair brush it lightly a few times. I couldn't see around him; in fact all I could see was a wall of dark-green material in front of me - the back of Sam's sweats. The incredible width of his upper back was graphically demonstrated by the outsides of his shoulders and upper arms alternately brushing the walls with each step he took. If Sam was a few inches wider, he'd have plugged that stairwell like a cork in a bottle. This was the same impression I'd had when Sam climbed into his truck cab back at that bar. The man WAS a monster!
I thought more about his size, but from different perspective than before. After all, Sam's body was so far beyond any expected 'norm' I suppose it would automatically attract immediate attention anywhere. I couldn't imagine Sam going out in public without drawing an involuntary glance from literally every person he encountered - and 100% of the time, too - be that a man, woman or child. That's probably just human nature. And not be hypocritical, God only knows I couldn't keep my eyes off of him either. So to say he was a 'very big dude' - or even a 'monster' - still doesn't quite capture the visual, social and psychological impact Sam must constantly make on other people.
I began to contemplate what everyday life situations must be like for the big lug. I pictured him doing his grocery shopping. I could see Sam turning down an isle pushing his shopping cart, and all the shoppers suddenly snapping their carriages around in unison and fleeing in the opposite direction. Strangely, I sensed that is exactly what happens to Sam, probably more-or-less routinely. Then I remembered my own involuntary reaction when I'd turned around on that bar stool to check out who'd owned that big hand on my shoulder. I'd have hit the ceiling had Sam not suppressed my 'launch' in mid-flight with his hand - and also held me down for quite awhile thereafter! He's scary big.
I wondered how many people really knew this guy at all personally, or would ever voluntarily initiate a conversation with him. Well thankfully, Sam's a good talker and seems to be outgoing enough - but still that thought bothered me. How many people took the time to actually see anything else about him other than his massive body? And how many had ever even noticed just what a handsome face Sam really had? I mean, his was a face 'to die for,' at least to me - not to mention Sam's heart-melting pair of piercing 'baby blues.' They're eerily-pale, in fact. His eyes have an unusual coloration and a special softness and sparkle to them... and they're just kind-looking, like there's a good soul in there. My suspicions were sadly - probably not all that many.