Billy Chase 292
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...And Tom Daley says he'll stop using that damn thin speedo to hide what we all want to see!!!*
*(Previous Statement May Not Be True)
**
Tuesday
- You want to know what I saw today? I saw Bobby Jinette and Jimmy LaPlane talking in the hallway by Jimmy's locker. And I'm walking towards them, right? And they're kinda talking 'secretly' about shit...and then when they see me, they clam up. In fact, Bobby's like, "Hey, sorry...gotta run. I'll talk to you later." And Jimmy gives me the same bullshit excuse like 30 seconds later.
What the hell is up with THOSE two???
Are they talking about me now? Whispering about me behind my back? What the fuck is THAT about? Like I'm really gonna care what they think about me!
I didn't want to let it bother me, but it kinda hurt, you know? Why are they talking about me? Why? I was willing to give Jimmy a clean slate to work from after yesterday's sermon on my sense of sexual morality. I wasn't going to even mention it. But now he's being just as much of an asshole about this as Sam is. (Who I didn't even bother to TALK to today, by the way!) And now he's trying to turn Bobby against me too? I don't care. I really don't. Fine. If he wants to play so high and mighty about the whole thing, I'll just goon living my life without him. They don't bother me. They're not going to change my mind on how I live or on who I am. They're just mad that I'm actually HAPPY for a change. That's all it is. They're mad that they don't have me to push around anymore. Whatever.
So I fucked a couple of hot boys for kicks? So what? Where's the crime in that? Why do they look down on ME for it, and yet they let AJ get away with whatever he wants without so much as a comment? Why is it so wrong when I do it? I've had it done to me plenty of times.
You know, this is what bothers me most about what Jimmy said to me yesterday! I mean...I don't give a shit either way, but I'm really steamed about the fact that he's giving other boys a total 'pass' on how they behave and then holding me up to some higher moral standard. You know? As though I'm supposed to be some kind of saint when compared to the rest of the assholes out there who just get everything that they want and never ever get caught dealing with the negative consequences of their actions . Again...I ask....why should they slide by and not me? What's so special about Billy Chase? I don't see anybody being 'hurt' by me getting some action. AJ's no better than I am. And I don't want to be any better than he is either. We can both fuck boys, two by two, and not feel ashamed for doing it.
It's not like I'm not having that much sex yet anyways. I'm just taking control of the situation instead of just letting it happen. I don't know. Whatever. I'm not gonna waste the last few pages of Brandon's book trying to defend myself to an invisible audience. I know what I want. So fuck it. Fuck the whole WORLD! I just want to be happy. And the 'world' doesn't seem to be supporting that idea. So screw it all. I'd rather do things my way. I've got this under control...
Speaking of which...Trace is still missing.
There's a part of the old Billy that was a bit concerned about that. But then I thought...why? I mean, honestly...what am I stressed out about? It's not like Trace wants to talk to me like a real human being anyway. I was gonna wipe the slate clean for him too. I was going to apologize for not being around for him like I wanted to be while he was going through a hard time. But he hasn't called me. He hasn't sent me an email. He hasn't even so much as looked me in the eye in the school hallway. And this has been going on for a WEEK now! So, yeah...me wasting my sympathy on Trace these days is just a waste of my time and energy. Like, 'Gee..I can't WAIT for Trace to get back to school so he can go back to ignoring the shit out of me again!' Psh...right.
There was only one thing that kinda bothered me about school today...and it's not for the usual reasons...
I was running late to my English class, and the halls were emptying out pretty quickly. I needed to grab my homework out of my locker because I misplaced it and put it in the wrong folder last night. Well...I heard some noise and a few boys laughing from around the corner, and naturally I just figured that it was a few seniors goofing around like always. But the noises got louder, and it sounded like somebody struggling really hard against the lockers. My ears perked up, but I didn't have a whole lot of time to pay it much attention. I did take a peek though as I walked around the corner to take a right turn at the library.
I saw four boys standing there, and three of them were holding another, younger, boy up against the lockers. It didn't take long for me to recognize the bracelets and tight T-shirt. Looks like Stevie is getting himself into trouble again. It's what he gets for moping around school all day long, teary eyed and being all girly over losing Brandon. I mean, how many warnings did Brandon give him? How many chances did he have to change? Even *I* stuck up for him, and he was just too damn self absorbed to really care. So he got his heart broken, so what? I went through it. I survived. He should grow a pair and get on with the rest of his life.
Now his sissy tears and bullshit have made him a target. And you wanna know what I did? Nothing. That's what. I saw them push Stevie into a stairwell, where I assume they bullied him up a little bit. Sorry, but when I really thought about it...if Stevie saw me getting pushed around, would he swoop down like some super hero and save me? He'd probably laugh. And that's what I'm doing right now. Laughing.
Besides, what's the worst that they could do to him, anyway? It's not like they could just KILL him. He'll get his shoes thrown over the railing to the bottom floor, they'll call him a queer and a fag a few times, and after a few shoves, he'll go right back to being miserable. Good for him. Karma is a bitch. I only wish I could have gotten a slap or two in myself.
Ugh! I swear, if my mom pushes me ONE more time to call my dad this week, I'm gonna SCREAM!!! Why can't she just 'get it'? I'm NOT at all interested in talking to the man who abandoned us for a piece of ass! It's just another perfect example of somebody being more concerned with what THEY want from me instead of what I want. I don't want to do it. I don't HAVE to do it. Leave it the fuck alone! She should get it through her head that I've already made up my mind on the subject. She wants me to talk to my father so SHE can feel good, and so HE can feel good....and yet, I'm the one being forced to do something against my will. Screw that. Let them both be as lonely and upset as I am over their little marital 'split'.
I don't have the energy to even argue the point with her right now. I'm just going to stay in my room and not talk to her at all tonight. Since she can't seem to take the hint.
Oh! One good thing happened tonight, though! I heard back from Randall, and we got a chance to chat on the phone for a while. You know, I think I can see why Randall and Lee might have made a cute couple at one point. They sort of share this quirky personality that comes off as really fun and alluring, you know? Almost like...it makes you want to be a part of their little private party. It's cute. Plus, Randall's sense of humor is really random at times. He might lose me for a few seconds every now and then, but I always catch up eventually. Plus he's hot...which is a plus.
I finally just kinda laid it all on the line and asked, "So when are we gonna hang out?"
There was a slight pause on the phone, and Randall smiled, like, "Hang out? Like you and me, you mean? Or...like, what?"
I said, "Yeah. You and me. I mean we had a good time last time, right? I thought maybe I could like...come over or something some time." I wasn't really hiding the flirtatious tone in my voice. I wanted him to hear it. In fact, the very thought of wrapping my lips around his hard shaft was getting me all wiggly and excited.
Randall giggled a little bit, and I asked him what was funny, giving him a little grin of my own. He was all like, "Nothing. I just...I didn't expect you to say that."
I said, "Soooo...you never thought about hanging out with me again?" I had to adjust myself in front. My erection was giving me some serious discomfort.
I think Randall blushed a little bit. He was like, "Well...yeah. I thought about it. But...you know...I wasn't really worried about it."
I moaned a little bit. It was an accident, but as a short silence passed between us, I smirked and said, "Well...I think we should remedy that pretty soon. I wanna see you." It feels good to be so bad sometimes.
Randall giggled a bit again. It was so cute. Hehehe! He said, "Well, what about Lee? We should all go out somewhere and make a night of it."
I said, "I think I want to just see you first." He asked why, and I'm like, "Because..."
And he's like, "Because why...?"
And I'm like, "Because! Hehehe! Come on...let's make plans. What are you doing tomorrow after school?"
I think Randall knew what I was getting at. I mean, I can't be sure, but Randall's not clueless. He might have even been a little turned on by it. But for some reason he kept saying stuff like, "But....what about Lee? Don't you want him to come by so you two can talk some more? He was really excited to hear from you again. It had been a while."
I said, "Lee doesn't have to know anything. It can just be the two of us. You know...we can do whatever."
There was another pause on the phone. Then he was like, "You know what? I think I should go." I asked him if something was wrong, but he was like, "No. I just have some stuff to do, so...." There was another long pause. And then he says, "...I'll talk to you later. K, Billy?"
I'm like, "Will you call me tomorrow? Maybe we can do something this weekend?"
But he's like, "I don't know. Maybe. I've gotta go."
I said, "Don't forget about me. I'll talk to you soon." And he hung up.
You wanna know something? I think I TOTALLY got in his head tonight! I'll just bet you he's interested! He's been trying to get in my pants since he first met me! I'm totally gonna suck him DRY when I get over to his house. Oh God, I can't WAIT!!! I'm gonna go stroke myself silly right now! He's going to be a really hot piece of ass! I can just tell. And when I'm not fucking him, I'm gonna fuck Lee! And when I'm not fucking Lee....I'm gonna fuck Randall! And once Sam gets his head on straight, that'll be THREE!!!
I'm going to have to buy a second notebook just to keep score! Hehehe! YES!!!
Alright, I'm going to sneak into the kitchen and grab some leftovers from dinner without my mom seeing me. The last thing I need is her yapping in my ear. Ugh!
I'll write more soon. Laters!
- Billy Chase (Living la vida loca!)
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