Billy Chase 412
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Wednesday
- You know, my mom is still trying to be 'sane' around me, but I'm just not interested in giving her the satisfaction. I'm not going to just pretend that yesterday didn't happen. That she didn't say what she said to me about Brandon. MY Brandon! Ground me! Take away my freedom, my phone, my TV, my internet...take it all! But not my Brandon! Does she have any idea how much he means to me? How much WORK I had to put into even finding the courage to TALK to him, break up with him, and then get back together with him again??? I finally got my sweetheart back in my arms again, and she won't even let him in the house unless she's watching us like a couple of drug addicts around the good silverware! This is so stupid!
She actually made a quick lunch and tried to talk to me like everything was normal and ok. As if a few sandwiches and a soda could somehow erase the betrayal of having her practically forbid me from being intimate with someone I love with my whole heart. At one point, she's like, "I'm going to the grocery store this weekend, so if you want anything extra, let me know so I can put it on the list." But I didn't answer her. Why would I? I don't want anything from the grocery store. I want to enjoy my privacy with my boyfriend. That's what I want. Then she's like, "Mr. Franks did a great job on the car. Maybe I'll have him come over and look at the faucet in the bathroom. It's been a little leaky lately. Maybe he can check out the dryer too. I swear, everything breaks down at once in this place." Still no answer from me. I'm not gonna fight with her or anything, but we're just...we're NOT 'friends' right now. The fact that she would just make casual conversation with me today is just annoying. Whatever. THEN...she says, "So how is work going?" Oh I get it. Now she's trying to force me to talk?
I just said, "Work's fine. I've gotta go get ready." I got up from the table and just took my plate with me so I could finish eating in my room. It was rude, sure. And I know that it was frustrating for her to have me treat her that way. Good! Now she knows how I feel. This sucks. It sucks sooooo much! And she should know that what she's doing isn't ok. When she learns to treat me like a living, breathing, person with feelings and needs and desires just like everybody else, then fine. Until then, I'm going to treat her the way she's treating me. Like some underling with no say in what she wants to do with her life.
If I have to deal with the aggravation, so does she. Isn't that fair?
Anyway...that's only ONE of the problems that I've got to deal with right now. It just goes to show that God hates every last one of us equally. It just takes Him a while to spread His cruelest pranks out evenly amongst us, that's all. I mean, seriously....what the hell? You know?
I went to work today, still feeling a little yucky and trying not to rub that little sore spot on my cheek right by my nose. I thought about putting some of that stuff on it that my dad bought that weekend we went camping by the lake. The mosquitos were ferocious that year. Unfortunately, I had no idea where the little bottle was, so I just went to work and hoped that it would be gone by tomorrow.
Apparently, that's not gonna happen.
I was behind the counter trying to reload one of the price guns with new tape, and Dizzy happened to be working today. He came up there to share a laugh with Calleigh and Ollie, but the moment he took a closer look at me, Dizzy reached a hand up to my chin to turn my head. I'm like, "Ummm...what are you doing?"
Dizzy says, "Is that what I think it is? Ollie, did you see this?" Ollie instantly smiled and pressed a single finger to his lips to hush her up.
Immediately, I looked at the both of them and asked, "What??? What is it?" Dizzy gave me a smile, but they both went quiet on me. So I'm like, "WHAT???"
Dizzy's like, "Nothing. It's nothing. I'm just screwing with your head, Billy."
I said, "Screwing with my head how? What is it?" I wondered if I had a mark or some dust or something on my face, so I reached up to rub it off. That's when I hit that little sore spot and figured it out. I'm like, "Oh, that? That's nothing. I don't know what that is. I think a bug bit me or something. I just gotta put something on it. It doesn't itch or anything..."
Ollie sighed. He's like, "Omigod, that's so cute. Awww, Dizzy, it's probably his first one."
I'm like, "My first what? What are you talking about?"
Dizzy almost didn't want to say anything, but eventually gave me a warm smile and said, "It's not a bug bite, Billy." Then added, "You're well on your way to giving birth to your first healthy 'face baby'. Hehehe!"
What the...? Confused, I asked, "A what? Face baby? What the heck is a face baby?"
Ollie put a hand on my shoulder and said, "It's a zit, Billy. Hehehe, you know? A pimple? It happens." I gave him a weird look. It's not that I didn't comprehend what he was telling me at the time. I think my brain just froze for a moment from the subtle shock of having him say that to me. Ollie giggled and said to Dizzy, "Wow. This boy has been 'pretty' for so long that he honestly thought he could skip this part. Hehehe! It's kind of adorable."
My mind was trying to work out whether they were just teasing me or not. I mean...I've never had a zit in my LIFE. Not that I can remember. By the time I turned 13 I just figured that I'd never get one. I mean...zits don't happen to me. Not ME! It's something that happens to other people, isn't it? Like...getting struck by lightning, or getting kidnapped by the Mafia, or....or like randomly meeting Burt Reynolds in a bookstore!
I felt my face, and while it was mere annoyance before...now it felt like the first bomb dropped in an oncoming nuclear war! I'm like, "You guys aren't serious, right? Quit messing around."
Calleigh was like, "Sorry, man. It doesn't look bad though. I know some stuff that you can buy on the lower level that helps with that kind of thing. It's pretty cheap too."
Shaking my head, I said, "No no no no no...I'm not...I mean, I don't..." I looked at Dizzy and told him, "I JUST washed my face this morning! I wash my face every day. I shower twice when it's hot out."
He said, "It's not about hygiene, dude. It just happens. You're a teenager, deal with it."
I'm like, "Well, how do I stop it?"
They giggled at my reaction. Great, as if I wasn't insecure enough already. Dizzy was like, "How do you stop it? You spend the next few years going through PUBERTY, pretty boy. That's how you stop it."
Olllie said, "I had some horror flick zits back when I was about 14 or 15. Totally freaked me out! But, you know, you do what you can and try to maintain, and eventually they just stop. Like magic." I think Ollie could see the distressed look on my face, and he gave me the sweetest hug. Like, "Awwwww, Billy! Don't look so terrified! Hahaha! You'll be fine. I barely noticed it."
I'm like, "Barely? You said barely! You mean you looked right at my face and you saw it?" He stuttered for a moment. Everybody sorta looked away and I felt a shiver go through me. I whimpered, "You DID! Didn't you? Oh God...does it get worse? Why didn't you guys tell me?" I tried to look for a CD or piece of packaging that I could use as a reflective surface. Did it get worse since this morning? Is it, like, a big throbbing mound of reddened, pus filled, skin right now? I didn't think it was even big enough for anybody to see up close, much less from a distance. FUCK! I asked Scott, "Dude, can I run out to the bathroom really quick?" He said it was ok, but...but...why did he say it was ok? He said it so fast that I wondered...umm...well, why he said it so fast. Was he like, 'yeah, go take care of that thing growing on your face'? Just yesterday he was talking about our behavior in front of the customers, imagine what he'd think of me approaching them like some 60's horror movie monster in the aisles.
Stifled giggles came from the others at the counter, but Dizzy sincerely said, "Billy! Come on, it's not that serious. We're just having fun. Lighten up. You're still gorgeous."
Feeling my heart racing, I just mumbled, "Yeah. I know. It's ok. I just need to go to the bathroom. That's all." It was a lie, but I didn't want to embarrass myself any further. Just...I wanted to take a closer look at it. Now that I know what it is. Or...or MIGHT be! They could just be fucking with me, right? I looked at it just hours ago, and it looked fine to me. So...so there!
I kept my head down as I walked through the mall towards the bathroom. I just...I felt like everybody could see it. Like I'd suddenly start scaring young children and have anxious security guards pointing pistols at me or something. Running to the first mirror I saw, I leaned in for a close examination. There wasn't an actual 'bump' there or anything, at least not yet, but it was red enough that people could notice if they were looking for it. Shit. I turned my head to look at it from a few different angles, and just...ugh! I thought that maybe I could just wear my hair in my face, but it's nowhere near long enough for that. And even if it had been...the spot is coming up right on the side of my nose. What am I gonna do, wear my hair like a friggin' eye patch all day?
I felt so helpless at that moment. I washed my hands and tried to carefully put some soap and water on my cheek, dabbing it lightly with a paper towel afterward...but I doubt that it did much good. There's gotta be a way to reverse this before it, um...blooms, or whatever. Calleigh's got a miracle cure, right? Or Ollie? Maybe I'll just find a smooth faced customer and 'Jack Bauer' the info out of them before I go home for the day. All I know is that there's got to be a way around this. I just know it.
I sorta shuffled my way back to work, hanging my head down and hoping that what little hair I had could mask me from the rest of the world. And then...
Ollie's at the front counter with this great big dreamy smile on his face, and he's talking to BRANDON!!! As if this day couldn't get any worse! What the...? I nearly spun around and ran away to go hide in another store or something, but Ollie saw me and was like, "There he is. Billy, your bae is here to see you, cutie!" Oh God...thanks a LOT, Ollie!
Maybe if I blush hard enough, my whole face will turn red and he won't see anything at all. Approaching him was such a humiliation. I don't know, I just...I wish he hadn't just popped up out of nowhere while I was looking like...this.
I softly mumbled, "Brandon...dude, what are you doing here?"
He's like, "I came to bring you grapefruit, remember? Have lunch? Iced mocha coffee?"
I'm like, "Oh. Right. I totally forgot about that." He asked me if this was my usual lunch time or not, and I almost thought that I could postpone our afternoon lunch date for a day or two by telling him, "Uhhh, no, actually. This place is just...I mean, it might get busy or something when I leave. I might not even get a lunch break today. You know?"
But both Ollie and Calleigh leaned their elbows on the front counter and simultaneously giggled, "We'll cover for you, Billy!" Assholes!
So, with a heavy sigh, I punched out for my break and walked to the food court with Brandon. I made sure to walk on his right side. The bridge of my nose will hide it, right? I think it will. I even tried to sit at an angle when we sat down with our food. I think he noticed me acting strange, because there were a few brief silences where his forehead wrinkled up in the cutest way. Awwww, he was so pretty! And here I am taking my first step towards becoming the kind of monster that villagers chase out of town with torches and pitchforks. Still he didn't say anything about my face. He didn't seem to stare or anything, but...Brandon's like one of the nicest boys I've ever met. I doubt he'd say anything anyway.
He gave me a tiny little Tupperware bowl with pink grapefruit wedges inside, but I didn't eat any. Aren't those things full of citric acid or something? Or...umm...hell, I don't know! But I will once I put this book down and start doing some research. Puberty, my ass! If this acne curse hasn't been beaten before in the history of mankind, then I plan to be the first. Watch.
I wish I could say that I enjoyed Brandon's sweet surprise, but I was so self conscious the whole time that I was more concerned with finding ways to keep from looking him directly in the eye than I was with maintaining our usual level of playful conversation. I almost wish he had pointed his finger at me and laughed so I could get the worst of it out of the way. But nope. Not a word. Not an awkward glance. Brandon even kissed me on the cheek once he walked me back to the store. Didn't he SEE it? Ugh, he totally sucks for not saying anything. Now I'm going to have to go through this whole uncomfortable routine all over again. And yeah, Dizzy and the rest told me that I was making a big deal out of nothing and that it was hardly noticeable at all...it didn't seem to make me feel any better. I mean, I've got something on my face that wasn't there a few days ago! Had I grown a third eye, a vestigial tail, or a third testicle...I'm pretty sure people would find that pretty alarming! Well, so...yeah. I find it pretty alarming.
Anyway, it was a strange day. To say the least. My mom made beef and broccoli for dinner. It was difficult enough for me to be in the same room with her before I realized that I might be harvesting a crop of garden pimples soon...I sure as hell didn't want to sit across from a dinner table with her now. Besides, I was still kinda mad at her. Just...I wish she could leave us alone. That's all. How is she ever going to understand that if I don't stand up for myself, you know?
She said dinner was ready, and I'm like, "No thanks. I'm not hungry." Which was a total LIE because I barely ate anything at lunch today for fear that I'd make my zit instantly go 3D on me. But...it's the gesture that matters, right? Like...a protest or something.
At least it was about three hours ago. Now I'm freakin' starving and I'm just waiting for her to go to bed so I can sneak down to the fridge and fix myself a plate. Thank God for microwaves.
I've gotta run. Calleigh told me about some creamy face wash thingy that they sold right there in the mall, and I had never been happier to have money in the bank! That stuff cost me 25 DOLLARS! I hope it's worth it! I already used it once tonight. I'll use it five times a day if I have to. I remember when my voice first went through the change. God, was THAT ever a nightmare! It was like trying to talk with wet cotton lodged in my windpipe. The way I was squeaking, I'm surprised I didn't drive the neighborhood pooches insane.
That only took a couple of weeks though, I think. Maybe this will be faster. A few days, right? It showed up in just a day or two, so maybe it'll go away in just a day or two. Like when Gramma comes to visit.
Ok, my stomach is actually ANGRY with me right now! So...grub time. I'll write more later.
- Billy
Ps- Brandon sent me a text just to say "I love you. G'night." With a big red heart and a snuggle emoticon next to it. Sighhhh....it was adorable. I sent him a kiss back, but...I felt weird about it. I don't know. I suck sometimes.
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