Well here it is...the final chapter. I know some of you thought it would never come and some of wished it wouldn't. For better or for worse, this is the conclusion of Bleeding Hearts. I may very well publish it in an expanded and heavily rewritten form at some point and if I do, I will let everyone know the best I can. In the meantime, enjoy my new story Reap the Whirlwind. You may recognize a few of the characters from BH in RTW and there may even be a visit by a few old friends. And you may not have seen the last of Killian, Asher and Jake either. One never knows...
God bless all of you who have supported me with your kind words, wishes and prayers in the last few months. They have been the most difficult of my life and promise to continue to be so for the coming months ahead. I will not be online much so if you write me, please be patient. If you have a comment that you want to be sure I get, I would recommend leaving a message on my web site.
Copy and paste this address since the shorter version doesn't seem to be working. :o( http://www.familyshoebox.com/servlet/family_ProcServ/DBPAGE=cge&GID=00094000000940094704642643
Chapter 21
Thanksgiving was finally here and it was none too soon for me. I woke up early, too excited to stay in bed any longer. I couldn't wait to see Mom for the first time since she'd moved to Pennsylvania to live with my Aunt Kathy. She had called last night to make sure if it was ok with Adam if she brought one of my cousins for the ride. I'd never even met this particular cousin, Aunt Kathy never liked Dad so we didn't see her very often, and when she did come down, she always left the kids at home. Mom had said they expected to be here a little after noon.
The time flew by quickly as Steve kept us all busy with preparations for the meal. All together we were now expecting 13 people; Adam jokingly called it our very own coven and Steve commented that he hoped it wouldn't be our last supper. We had put in all the leaves in the dining table and set up a couple card tables with tablecloths. Adam and Steve had been cooking since daybreak and the whole house was filled with the aroma of roasting turkey and sage.
We were so busy with our preparations that no one even noticed when Mom pulled up until we heard the knock on the door. I almost broke my neck trying to answer it. I threw open the door and then threw myself into Mom's arms. After a long hug I stepped back to get a better look at her. She looked fabulous, better than I had ever seen her look. Her hair was a little longer than the last time I had seen her and she had had it styled. She was wearing just a hint of make-up - the first I had ever seen her wear - just enough to highlight her natural beauty.
"You look incredible!" I gasped.
"You don't have to sound so surprised you know. I was young when I had you. And you look pretty good yourself there, sport."
"True love must agree with him," Adam said with a grin as he came up behind me. "Hello, Meg. It's great to see you. I'm so glad you were able to come."
"I wouldn't miss it for the world, Adam." Then with a raised eyebrow she turned her attention back to me, "And what's this about true love? I know my baby can't be in love."
I felt a blush creep up my neck as a new voice entered the conversation, "He doesn't look like a baby to me, Aunt Meg," said someone from behind Mom that could only be my mystery cousin...I couldn't even remember his name.
Mom stepped aside and I caught my first glimpse of whatever-his-name-is. He looked nice. He had wavy blondish hair and bright green eyes that reminded me of cat eyes. He was older than me by a few years at least and also taller, maybe 5'10". He had a look about him that made me think he smiled a lot - as he was doing now.
"Killian, this is your cousin, Aidan," Mom said, "He's thinking about transferring to the college down here for next year."
I waved a greeting and he responded by waggling one of the suitcases in his hands.
"Oh excuse my rudeness," Adam exclaimed, "Let me help you with those. Come on in and I'll show you where you'll be sleeping. I hope you don't mind sharing a room with Killian and my son, Kane."
"Sounds like fun," Aidan said with a laugh as he followed Adam in. Mom and I trailed behind.
"Aidan, this is Adam," Mom said a bit belatedly, "He's taken Killian in and I guess you could say he's been his surrogate father."
Kane was in the hallway so our little entourage paused long enough for another round of introductions; which was repeated again a few seconds later as Steve wandered in to see what all the commotion was about. Once we had things settled in their rooms everyone was assigned a last minute task by Steve and we all worked busily until the first of the guests began arriving. Ilana and Lysander were the first on the scene, arriving with a bottle of wine in hand. Then Asher rolled in. He'd begged off from their big family dinner since things would have probably been a little tense with all the Sheridan clan being there. The rest of the invited arrived at the same time, which made me wonder if they had come together. They were two couples that Adam and Steve knew from somewhere, Bryant and Calvin and Heather and Nila. I didn't catch any last names but I found out later that Nila was Lysander's sister.
Bryant was a well-muscled Asian with a Brooklyn accent while Calvin was a pale blonde with almost white eyebrows and almost colorless blue eyes. He looked as if he had faded out and in fact, most of the time he did seem to fade into the background. Bryant was definitely the dominant force in their relationship. I guessed that they were both in their mid to late twenties.
Heather was also quiet, though not to the extent that Calvin was. She looked like a college nerd. Her long brown hair was pulled back into a braid that hung to her waist and her brown eyes were peered out uncertainly behind her glasses. She was wearing a white shirt and a plaid skirt that made her look like a Catholic schoolgirl. With a little more confidence I thought she could be beautiful, but she would always pale in comparison with her partner, Nila. Nila couldn't have been a more complete contrast. She looked like a Nubian princess...very much like the girl who was playing Aida on Broadway. Her dark brown skin glowed with health and her exotic good looks made it hard to look away from her. She wore her hair in many tiny braids with gold beads at the end of each one. The beads complimented the other gold jewelry that she wore everywhere you can possibly wear jewelry - multiple ear piercings, a nose ring, a necklace with a stylized African animal I thought might be a lion, bracelets on both wrists and one arm cuff, and rings. With her ankle length form-fitting white dress, she made a stunning entrance.
Dinner was fantastic, as I knew it would be. Afterwards the dishes were left to sit as we all gathered in the living room accompanied by various moans and groans about having ate too much.
"Let's go around the room and each of us say one thing we're thankful for," Aidan suggested once we were all settled and in various states of unconsciousness.
"Let's not and say we did," Mom joked, "I think I'm going to fall asleep."
"Come on, it's Thanksgiving," I said, backing Aidan up.
"Just one thing?" Bryant asked mischievously. He threw a lascivious grin at Calvin, who giggled.
"Yes, just one thing," Adam said, "and please remember that this is a family show."
We all laughed.
"Who wants to go first?" Kane asked.
"Why doesn't Aidan go first since it was his idea?" Steve suggested.
"Ok. I have mine already anyway," Aidan said, "I'm thankful that I have already made so many good friends down here and I haven't even moved yet."
"Awwwww," we all said in unison and then burst out laughing again.
Aidan looked to his left. "Nila?"
"Hmmm, let me think," she said in her heavily accented voice. She had grown up in Jamaica with her mother. "I am thankful for such good friends also. It's hard to be so far away from your family at holiday time. It's nice to be with such good people. And I am always thankful for Heather."
"Hey, that's two things!" Bryant yelled as Heather turned bright red.
"Judges?" Kane asked Adam and Steve.
They exchanged a look. "We're allowing it," Adam said. "Heather, you're next."
"I'm thankful for having met Nila," she said quickly and turned to Bryant.
"Oh is my turn already?" he said in mock surprise, "Hmm...let me see...where to begin?"
"You're gonna lose your turn if you don't begin soon," Adam said threateningly as everyone laughed.
"Ok, ok...geez," he pretended to pout for a second then turned serious, "I'm thankful for good friends like Adam and Steve who do selfless things like take in kids who need a place to stay and invite their friend to Thanksgiving dinner when their own families tell them they aren't welcome. The world is a better place because of you." He raised his wine glass in a salute.
Everyone sat silently for a moment batting their eyes furiously.
"And I'm thankful for Calvin. Ha! That's two!"
Everyone laughed and the moment was gone. We all looked to Calvin expectantly. He blinked as if surprised to suddenly be the center of attention. He cleared his throat nervously then began to speak so softly that I had to lean in to hear him.
"I'm thankful for the support and encouragement that Bryant gives me. I don't know what I'd do without him. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't even be alive." It was the most I heard him say all evening and I wasn't surprised to see tears suddenly appear in Bryant's eyes. He reached over and took Calvin's hand while swiping at his eyes with his other hand.
"I'm thankful to have this beautiful woman as my wife," Lysander said into the silence that followed Calvin's little speech. "And honey, why don't you tell them what else we have to be thankful for."
Ilana positively beamed. "I'm pregnant," she said.
The room erupted into a cacophony of congratulations, back slapping, hugs and how-far-alongs. Eventually everyone settled back into their seats.
"My turn?" Steve asked.
"Yup," we all chorused.
"Well, I'm thankful that Adam and I have decided that its time for me to move in here."
Another round of excited chatter followed this announcement and then it was Adam's turn.
"I'm thankful for so many things, it's hard to choose just one," he said.
"It was your rule!" Bryant said.
"Rule over-ruled," Adam said with a grin, "Seriously though, I am very thankful this year. More so than years past. Losing Seth made me appreciate what I do have so much more. And even though I lost one son, I regained a son I thought I had lost forever and gained another son altogether. I love both of you boys so much. You are truly my greatest blessing in life."
I felt a lump form in my throat and from the look on Kane's face I knew he was as touched as I was.
"Well, I have to follow that huh?" Kane said a little shakily. I noticed several people dabbing at their eyes. "I'm thankful for my family - my whole family, Steve, Dad and Killian. Your turn, Asher."
Asher turned and looked at me for a moment before turning back to the room and saying, "I'm thankful that sometimes true love does conquer all."
This was met with another chorus of aw's and I knew I was blushing again. I regained my composure and took my turn.
"I'm thankful that for the first time in my life I feel completely loved and accepted by everyone who is important in my life."
I heard several more sniffles from around the room. It seemed like almost everyone was crying by now. When Mom began to speak her voice was thick with emotion.
"As I sit here and look at my son, happy, healthy, safe...in love and loved by so many people, I can't help but be so very thankful that God spared his life. I know what a gift that truly is and my heart aches for you Adam." I looked at Adam to see his shoulders shaking with barely repressed sobs. "You've lost so much," she continued, "and yet you've given so much. I can't even begin to tell you how thankful I am for the way you've taken Killian in, even to the point of loving him like your own son."
She stood up and crossed the room to hug Adam, as he seemed to collapse under his grief. I had been so caught up in my own pain and life that I had never even stopped to consider how much Adam must have been hurting. Without even thinking I moved to hug him as well and it wasn't long before I felt Kane at my side. When I went back to my seat everyone in the room was crying openly. Once we got ourselves back together, a concerted effort was made to lighten the mood. We played Guesstures and Taboo and after Bryant and Calvin, Heather and Nila, and Ilana and Lysander left, the rest of us played a round of Balderdash.
Soon it was time to go to bed thought and it was decided after a call home that Asher would spend the night. That meant that there were four of us staying in Kane's and my room.
"Reminds me of summer camp," Aidan commented as we went upstairs.
Once there, sleeping arrangements were hashed out. Kane ended up giving up his bed for Aidan and sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag while Asher and I were sharing my bed. With two other people in the room there wasn't much chance of anything happening.
After the lights were out we cuddled into each other and we were almost asleep when Aidan's voice snapped me back from the brink.
"So...uh...no one said as much but you guys are like a couple huh?"
No one spoke at first and when the silence began to stretch a little thin I spoke up. "Yeah, I guess we just figured you knew. I thought Mom might have said something. Does it bother you?"
"No, not at all. I'm pretty open about stuff like that. If it bothered me I don't think I would have been able to stand being here tonight. I think I was the only straight person here besides Aunt Meg."
"I'm straight," Kane piped up from the floor.
"Sorry, and Kane."
"And Ilana and Lysander," Kane added.
"Ok, ok...I was exaggerating to make a point. I won't do it again, I promise."
"I guess it there were a lot of gay people here tonight," Asher said thoughtfully, or maybe he was just tired. It was hard to tell in the dark. "You were definitely in the minority. That's weird."
"Not really," Aidan said. "If you think about it kind of makes sense. You know that old saying 'Birds of a feather flock together?' I think in a way its true. I mean, you're going to naturally want to be around people that accept you for who you are and who are the most like you. That's probably the real reason Aunt Meg invited me to come down here."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Well, she said she thought I'd like to see the area before I moved down here next year, but I've been down here before and I've already put in for the transfer so its not like I'm going to change my mind at this point. I think she knew that it was going to be mostly gay people here and this is her way of telling me its ok with her if I'm gay."
"Why would she think you're gay?" Kane asked.
"Kane!" I said in exasperation.
Aidan just laughed. "It's ok. He's just being up-front about it. I respect that. And to answer you r question as honestly as I know how, Kane...it's probably because I'm not real sure myself."
"You said you were straight earlier," Kane insisted.
"I know, but sometimes I think it's just from habit. Sometimes I'm not so sure. I guess you could say I'm still trying to figure things out."
"Oh," Kane said.
"In a way I envy you two, Killian and Asher I mean. You've got everything all figured out and you have each other and you seem so happy together."
"It's not been easy," I said.
Asher snorted, "That's putting it mildly.
"My brother was killed because he was gay," Kane said, his voice filled with pain.
"I know," Aidan said simply, "I'm sorry."
"Killian almost died too," Kane continued.
"I knew that too, but I've never heard the whole story about what happened exactly."
Between the three of us we told him the whole story, starting with the first day I met Seth and bringing through to the present.
"Wow," he said when we were finished, "You guys have really been through hell and back."
"Tell us something we don't know," Asher mumbled. He seemed to be getting very tired. He buried his face in my chest and his hair tickled my chin.
"But its awesome how you've each come out stronger because of it. And in a way it forced you to deal with issues that you probably would have let sit unresolved until you were completely confused...like me."
"I guess," I said slowly, "but for me, it wasn't that I really thought I was straight, it was just that I'd never really thought about it either way. And when I did, I knew...it was just a matter of admitting it...to myself. I mean, you have to know whether you are attracted to guys or not. If you are then you're at least bi, right?"
"Geez, Killian, and you yelled at me," Kane grumbled.
"No, its ok. He's right," Aidan said quickly, "I should know by now. It's something I need to figure out. I can't just keep going along like in this limbo."
"I think it'll wait till tomorrow. Go to sleep," Asher's voice came out muffled from where his face was still on my chest, but his annoyance came through loud and clear.
"It is late," Kane said.
"It is," Aidan agreed, "And Asher's right, it's waited this long it can wait till tomorrow. Can I talk to you some more tomorrow before I leave, Killian?"
"Sure, but I don't know what I can tell you. It's not like I'm an expert on this stuff."
"More of an expert than I am, at least you've been through it. Good night."
"Good night," I said through a yawn.
"G'night," Kane said and Asher mumbled something that may have been good night, but it was really anyone's guess.
The next thing I knew it was morning and Adam was banging on our door telling us we'd slept late enough. I felt like I had just fallen asleep and my arm was numb from being under Asher all night. I pulled it out from under him and blinked up at me sleepily. There was an imprint on his face from my shirt and with his hair all mussed up and his eyes all bleary he looked so cute that couldn't resist leaning in for a slow lingering good-morning kiss.
"Bleh!" Kane yelled, "Not before breakfast, please!"
We all laughed and Asher and I tumbled out of the bed onto the floor where an impromptu wrestling match ensued. Aidan sat on the bed watching us with a slight smile on his lips and a thoughtful look in his eye. I had a feeling that he wasn't thinking about the scene before him at all.
The morning flew by as everyone pitched in to clean up the mess from last night. Before I knew it, it was time for Mom and Aidan to leave for home. I realized that Aidan and I hadn't had time for our talk, but then I still didn't know what I could say anyway so it was just as well.
The good-byes weren't too drawn out since Mom would be back in a few weeks for Christmas and there was a chance Aidan would be coming with her again.
As they were getting in the car, Aidan paused and turned to me, "Oh, Killian, about our talk last night. I've been thinking about it all day and I think I've got it all figured out...its guys. Thanks." And he ducked into the car.
Mom and Adam gave me quizzical glances but I just grinned and gave Aidan a thumbs-up. I'd let him tell in his own time.
That night Asher and I were home alone watching "The Matrix" for the 23rd time. Adam and Steve had drug Kane off to Steve's apartment to start packing up his stuff. We were at the helicopter scene when the phone started ringing.
"Pause it," I yelled as I ran for the phone.
I picked up the phone but before I could even speak a strangled voice cried out my name.
"Killian! Is Killian there?"
"May I ask who's calling?" I said cautiously as Asher came up behind me.
"Killian is that you? This is Jake. Please come over now."
"What? Come over where? Why?"
"Please just come over," he sounded like he was crying, "Gilly and I were home alone and the lights went out. Gilly went to check the breaker but that was half an hour ago and she hasn't come back and I've been calling her and she hasn't answered and I'm scared."
"Maybe she's just playing a joke on you."
"I thought of that. That's why I called you instead of 911. But now I'm getting really scared."
"What's going on?" Asher asked.
I shrugged, "Look Jake, I don't think it's a good idea for me to come over there after the last time. If you're really scared then hang up and call 911."
"Ok, I..." he broke off suddenly. It was deathly quiet on the other end.
"Jake?"
Still nothing. Then, "Who's there?" His voice was hoarse with raw fear.
"Jake?" I said again.
"Who's there??" he was screaming now, "Gilly is that you? This isn't funny."
"Jake, call 911," I said urgently.
"Oh my God," he moaned.
"Jake? What's going on?"
"Please don't..." his voice sounded farther away now.
I heard a short muffled scream followed by a dull thud then the clattering of the phone as it hit the floor.
"Jake?" I screamed, "Jake, are you there?"
"Hello, Killian," a new voice barely more than a hoarse whisper said into the phone, "I think you know who I am."
At first I thought I was dreaming - that this was all some sort of horrible nightmare and I would wake up in a few minutes still on the couch with Asher just in time for the big morphing finally. I spun around to face Asher. My hands were shaking now and I was having trouble holding onto the phone. I had to hold it with both hands.
"It's nice to talk to you again," the voice continued, "It's been awhile. What's it been? I've seen you since the park haven't I? Oh yes, at the party. Holy smashed windshield, batman." He chuckled softly at his own joke.
My whole body seemed to be alternating between extreme hot to extreme cold. I felt sweat breaking out all over my body.
"You know, you're like a bad penny, you just keep showing up. But I think things might be turning around for me tonight. This is an added perk. I didn't even think about Jake calling anyone, I'm getting careless. But since he did, I might as well take advantage of it, no? And he did call just the right person."
"What did you do to Jake?"
"He's still alive, for now. Whether or not he stays that way is up to you."
"What's going on?" Asher said.
"Is that Asher?" the killer crowed, "This just keeps getting better and better. Listen closely. If you want Jake to live then you and Asher make haste and get over here right away. I you get here in 20 minutes, I'll let Jakie-poo here live. For every minute over that I cut off one body part, starting with the toes."
"I'm calling the police."
"Now that would be a very bad idea. Jake'll be dead before you even dial 9. I'll be long gone before they ever get here. I've gotten away with everything so far so you know I can do it. Do you want Jake's blood on your hands? Just like Seth's?"
"Oh my God, I whimpered.
"That's right. You know what to do. Be here in 20 minutes or Jake's dead. Oh, and don't even think about calling the police when you hang up. If anyone other than you pulls into this yard I'll rip Jake's heart out. That reminds me, park under the security light and stand by the car before you come in so I know it's just you and Asher. You can let yourself in."
I heard the click of the receiver being hung up and felt as if everything I had was draining out through the soles of my feet. The phone slipped from my hands.
"Killian, what's going on?" Asher said in a scared voice.
"The killer has Jake."
"What? Call the police!"
"He said if I do he'll kill him before they get there. He said he wants us to come there in 20 minutes or Jake dies."
"We're not going!"
"We have to or Jake will die."
"Killian think! We have to call the police. They are professionals; they'll deal with this. If we go we might as well kill ourselves. Besides, how do you know its not just some sort of sick joke that Gilly and Jake are playing on you?"
"It was him, Asher...the voice..." And suddenly I was in the park, lying on the ground looking up at that dark figure looming over me. There was an excruciating pain shooting through my side and fear that I could taste in the back of my throat. Everything slowly faded to black and just as suddenly the figure above me seemed to morph into Asher.
"Are you ok?" he asked in a panicky voice.
"What happened?"
"I don't know, you just passed out or something."
I sat up. "We have to go."
"Killian, no, we can't! Call the police, they have guns and training..."
"I can get a gun!" I said.
"What? Are you crazy?"
"My dad has a gun."
"No way, Killian! No fucking way!"
I stood up and opened the front door, then turned to face Asher. "You can stay if you want. I'm going and I don't have time to argue." And with that I was gone, running towards my car. I was in with the engine running when Asher slid into the passenger seat.
"This is totally crazy but there is no way I am letting you go there alone."
I practically flew to my old house and I was very relieved to see that no one was there. It would make breaking-and-entering so much easier. I jumped out of the car, leaving it running, and ran to the front door. Without even pausing I grabbed the brick we kept by the door to use as a doorstop and smashed in the door window. I reached through and un-locked the door. I raced up the stairs two at a time and into my parent's old bedroom. I yanked open the bedside table drawer and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw the gun was still there. I took it out and looked at it carefully. It was loaded, just as I'd hoped. My dad had made me take shooting lessons last year in the futile hope that it would make me manlier, but I was very grateful for them now.
I passed Asher on the front step in my race for the car and was already moving as he jumped in. We peeled out of the driveway with screeching tires and tore off down the road at very unsafe speeds. Asher held onto the dashboard with white knuckles and clenched teeth, but he knew better than to say anything. We got to the Sheridan house in just under our 20-minute deadline.
I parked under the security light, as instructed. I picked up the gun and checked to make sure the safety was off before tucking it into the waistband of my jeans.
"Oh my God! Ohmygod! Ohmygod!" Asher whispered, "Please, please don't do this."
"You don't have to go inside. Just get out of the car and walk up to the house. You can stay outside. It'll be safer that way anyway."
Asher started to cry, "I have never been so scared in my entire life," he managed to say, "but if you think I am going to let you go into that house alone, Killian Travers Kendall, then you don't know me very well."
A cold fury had taken over me that was serving to make me feel detached from everything, as if it was happening to someone else and I was only watching from a distance. Not even Asher's heartfelt outburst seemed to penetrate. I was filled with hatred for this person who had killed Seth and made my life a living hell in the months since. I wanted that person dead and I wanted to be the one that killed them.
"Let's go," I said in a deceptively calm voice.
I stepped out of the car and stood for a moment staring defiantly at the house. I couldn't see anyone, but I knew the killer was watching us from one of those blank windows even as I stood there. I began to stride purposefully towards the house with Asher right at my heels muttering "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" with every step. There wasn't a single light visible in the entire house except for an odd, dim flickering in the door window.
The door was unlocked when we reached it and swung open soundlessly when I turned the knob. There wasn't even an ominous creaking hinge to forebode what waited for us inside. The source of the flickering light turned out to be a small oil lamp sitting in the center of the floor. I stepped cautiously inside and looked around, but you couldn't see anything outside of the small circle of light cast by the oil lamp.
Asher grabbed my arm, making me jump slightly. "There's something under the lamp," he whispered. I looked closer and saw a scrap of paper tucked under the base of the lamp. I leaned down to pick them both up, the security light we had parked under suddenly went out so that now the only source of light we had was held in my hand. The meager illumination that it provided suddenly seemed to be something less than adequate. I felt a little of my bravado slip away and a tendril of fear begin to creep into the space left by its departure.
I looked down at the slip of paper and the three words written on it, "HIDE AND SEEK."
"What does that mean?" Asher whispered.
"It means the bastard is playing games with us. He wants us to find him." The fury rushed back in with a vengeance. His little game may have been meant to scare us but it only served to make me more determined to see him die before this night was over. I patted the gun and thought that the game should have been tag...and I was it.
"Let's call the police," Asher hissed.
"No," I said loudly, my voice sounding unnaturally loud in the complete silence that surrounded us. "No, let's find him."
I tried to picture the house from the few times I had been in it as we began to search the downstairs, but everything took on a different perspective in the dark. Doors I thought were close by seemed so far away when you are searching for them in inky blackness. It was a nerve-wracking process made worse by the fact that oil lamp kept threatening to gutter out and leave us pitch black. The not knowing of every game of hide-and-go-seek in the dark was intensified by the life and death situation at hand.
We finished the downstairs with nothing more than jangled nerves and then it was time for the second floor. We climbed the stairs cautiously to find every door on the up-stairs hallway closed tight. The game of hide-and-seek suddenly took on a sinister feel of the old game show Let's Make A Deal, except we'd be losing much more than money if we chose the wrong door.
I was trying to gather up enough courage to open the first door when Asher grabbed my arm again. He pointed to the crack at the bottom of one of the door. A very dim light could be seen coming from under it.
As I stood there looking at that sliver of light I felt all my courage drain away. All I wanted to do was get out of that house. More than anything I'd ever wanted in my life. Such a sense of horror and fear washed over me that my knees actually buckled. It took every ounce of strength that I had in me to not run screaming out of the house. I took a deep, shaky breath and tried to summon some of the courage I'd had just moments before. I handed the lamp to Asher, whose eyes widened even more than they already were. His shaking hands caused the light to jump and bounce eerily around the hall.
I drew myself up as straight as I could, threw back my shoulders and drawing another deep breath, stepped forward and threw open the door. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the difference in lighting within the room, but when they did I couldn't hold back the cry that escaped from my throat.
All the furniture had been pushed to the outer walls clearing a sizable space in the center of the room. In the center of that space sat Jake, bound and gagged and tied to a chair; lit only by the single candle at his feet. His chin rested on his chest and his eyes were closed as if he were asleep. A thin trickle of dried blood ran down from a cut above his eye. I couldn't tell if he was breathing or not in the uncertain flickering of the candlelight.
"He's not dead, at least not yet," said a voice from the shadows, almost as if he had read my mind. A figure stepped into the weak light from the candle, revealing a familiar figure from my dreams. He was dressed all in black, just as he had been the first time I saw him, even to the ski mask. The sudden flash of silver in the candlelight brought back an even more vivid memory. The last time I had seen such a flash had been right before I was stabbed. I wondered if it was the same knife. I'd read once that people who killed with knives often use the same one over and over, as a kind of lucky talisman.
"This really must be my night," he rasped with an evil sounding chuckle, "I had planned on killing Jake, but I must have been a very good boy if Santa's brought me my Christmas presents this early. You two are just an added bonus."
"You said you'd let Jake go if I came," I said, trying my best to keep my voice steady.
"I lied. I do that a lot. Never trust someone who's tried to kill you, Killian."
"Look, you can have me. Just let Asher and Jake go."
"I can have you? Oh how generous. Here's a newsflash for you; I already have you. And Asher. And Jake. It's just a matter of who wants to go first? Let's see, I have so many options. You first while Asher watches in horror, Jake first just because it's the easiest, Asher and Jake first while you watch it all...ooo I like that last one. Don't you?"
"You're insane," I whispered.
"Probably, but I've always thought that sanity was highly overrated."
"Why? Why are you doing this? If I've hurt you in some way, I'm sorry." I was trying to stall more than anything, it's not like I really cared, but I couldn't get a good shot because so far he'd kept Jake in between the two of us and I wasn't a good enough shot to risk Jake.
"Why? It's really very simple, even for your little mind. You're an abomination in the eyes of God. You deserve to die. You and everyone like you. You deserve to be wiped off the face of the earth. You see, Killian, I did everyone a favor by killing Seth and I'm about to do them an even bigger favor by killing the three of you."
The more he talked the less disguised his voice became and the more familiar it seemed to me. I had to keep him talking.
"Then why Zack? He wasn't gay. He hated us as much as you."
"I killed Zack because he was an idiot and idiots are dangerous. He saw me smash your windshield and leave the note, which he read after I left. The stupid fool actually had the nerve to try to tell me what he'd seen and demand that I pay him to stay quiet. He's quiet now isn't he?" he laughed that cold laugh again and I felt a chill run down my spine.
"It all started when Seth moved here. He was like a virus, spreading to those who were weak, like you. I tried to stop it, but it was too late, he'd already corrupted you and you spread it to Asher and my brother. I should have killed you when I had the chance."
His words rang in my ears over and over: my brother. Everything he said after that was lost in the impact of those words. I knew who it was. I knew who the killer was.
I drew a deep breath and steeled myself to make my voice as calm as possible. "So this is all a holy war? A vendetta on God's behalf? I never thought of you as a particularly religious person...Todd."
His body tensed at the mention of his name, and then he reached up and pulled the mask off, revealing his beautiful face. He was grinning broadly now, as if tickled that I'd figured out who he was. I'd read somewhere once that Lucifer was God's most beautiful creation and standing here now looking at Todd I could believe that evil could wear the mask of beauty very easily.
"Very good," he said as if to a particularly slow pupil who had finally figured out a math equation. "You finally figured it out. I admit it ruins a little of the fun of the situation but in some ways I like this even better. Now you know who is going to kill you."
"You're going to kill your own brother?"
"He's not really my brother you know?" he looked down at the still unconscious Jake. "I hate him. He never got hurt like the rest of us. He was special. I found out a few years ago that that was because he wasn't really my blood brother. He's weak. He has to die."
"Todd, if someone hurt you, you can get help. All this killing has to stop somewhere. Let it stop here. We can..."
"Enough!" Todd screamed, "The killing will stop here. With the three of you." And with that he grabbed Jake by the hair, yanked his head back and quickly raised the knife.
"NO!" I screamed. I pulled the gun out, aimed and fired in one smooth motion. Everything went into slow motion and each detail engraved itself into my memory for the rest of my life. The sound of the gunshot was deafening. The bullet struck Todd just as he brought the knife down, but the impact slammed him backwards causing the knife to rip into Jake's shoulder instead of the tender flesh of his exposed neck. I fired a second shot as I heard the sound of shattering glass from behind me. I had almost forgotten Asher was behind me in the exchange with Todd. Todd's body jerked as the second bullet ripped through his chest. He looked at in a look of total disbelief, his mouth open as if screaming but no sound was coming out. I raised the gun slightly and fired off a third shot, right between the eyes. And then it was over. Todd was lying dead on the floor in a growing pool of blood and my ears were still ringing from the shots. It had all happened in less time than it takes to tell it and now that it was done, I seemed unable to take it all in. I had just killed another human being...and enjoyed it. I felt an immense sense of satisfaction that I had removed this vile person from this world. And that scared me. I stood there with the gun still outstretched in front of me for an immeasurable amount of time. It may have been seconds, it may have been minutes, it may have been hours. Slowly I became aware of a crackling sound from behind me and a steadily increasing heat at my back. I dropped the gun and turned slowly around.
Asher lay on his side in the hall, the oil lamp that he'd been holding has shattered and the oil had caught fire. The flames were only a few inches from Asher's face.
"Asher!" I screamed as leaped over the flames. I dragged him away from the fire and shook him to wake him up. His eyes fluttered open and he focused on my face. "There's a fire," I said urgently. "We have to get Jake out." I pulled him roughly to his feet and once I was sure he was steady I jumped the flames, which were already a little higher and rushed to Jake's side. I fumbled with the knots for several precious minutes before Asher appeared at my side holding the bloody knife in his hands.
"Cut them," he said softly.
I looked up at his face then grabbed the knife and quickly sliced through the thick ropes. He was slippery with blood from his shoulder wound and by the time the two of us got him out of the chair and propped between us the flames had completely engulfed the doorway.
"How're we going to get out," Asher said, a note of panic creeping into his voice.
"The window," I suggested. We dragged Jake to the window and I looked out. There was no way. We were on the second floor and there was nothing below us but a concrete driveway.
"We can't!" Asher wailed. The smoke was growing steadily thicker and it was becoming harder to breathe. "Break the window. I need air," Asher said before breaking into a fit of coughing. I lowered Jake to the floor where the air was a little clearer, then grabbed the chair he had been in and smashed the window outward. For a few seconds cool air rushed in, allowing us a few precious breaths. Then with a deafening whoosh, the fire behind us suddenly burst into a raging inferno fed by this new source of oxygen. Asher screamed and shielded his face as a blast of super heated air washed over us. We both dropped to the floor next to Jake.
So we die anyway, I thought. Please, God, don't let us die.
"Killian, do you hear something?" Asher asked me, interrupting my prayer.
I listened intensely and thought that maybe, just maybe, I heard a voice calling over the roar of the fire.
"Is there someone there?" I screamed.
"Killian?" There was definitely someone there.
"Please, help us!" I called back, "It's me, Asher and Jake. We can't get through the fire."
"Is the bed on fire?"
"I looked over at the bed. It was against the same wall we were and the flames hadn't yet reached it.
"No."
"Get the comforter and wrap it around yourselves then run through the fire as quickly as you can."
"Are you sure?"
"There's no other choice."
Asher already had pulled the heavy quilt off and crawled back to Jake and me. We got into crouching position and draped Jake between our shoulders. Then we draped the quilt over our head and wrapped the lose ends tightly around our bodies. The heat was almost unbearable by now and the light from the fire even penetrated through the think material of the quilt so that I could see Asher's face quite clearly.
"Asher, I love you," I sobbed, "If we don't live..."
"We will," he cried.
"But if we don't I want you to know that I'll always love you and I'll see you in heaven."
"I love you too, Killian. Always and forever."
"Let's go!" I screamed.
I squeezed my eyes shut and ran as fast as I could in the direction of the door. It was running in a three-legged race with dead weight between us. The heat was like nothing I had ever felt before. Every nerve in my body seemed to be screaming in agony and every breath seared my lungs and throat. I stumbled on the quilt as it unwound from around us and would have fallen but I crashed into what I could only assume was the door frame with a bone crunching thud, the full weight of Jake's body adding to the impact. I ricocheted off and the momentum actually carried us through the door and into the hall.
"This way!" someone screamed from off to our right.
We ran blindly in that direction and didn't stop until we ran into something soft that wrapped around us.
"Oof!" our obstacle grunted from the impact. We went down in a tangle of smoldering quilt, arms and legs; there seemed to be too many for the amount of people present. When the quilt was ripped off of us and I saw our rescuers I understood why...there were two of them: Judy...and Dash!
"Hurry!" Judy screamed, "We need to get out of here quickly. That fire is spreading faster than a black snake on a hot road. This old house is gonna go up like dry tinder."
"Jake is unconscious," I gasped in the relatively cool air greedily. "He's lost a lot of blood."
"Then we'll have to carry him. Dashel and Asher, get his legs. Killian, you and I will take his arms. Hurry!"
We lifted Jake and careened down the stairs as quickly as we could without falling. We took a short breather at the bottom of the stairs while Judy opened the front door.
"You go," I said suddenly, "I'm calling 911." And I was gone before anyone had a chance to say anything. I ran down the dark hallway and ran into the kitchen door at full speed. I bounced off like a rubber ball. The door had only given about an inch before it had hit something. I placed my full weight against it and pain shot down my arm where I'd hit the doorframe earlier, but I did manage to shove the door and its burden a few more inches. It was just enough room for me to squeeze in. I popped through and promptly fell on top of whatever was blocking the door. It didn't take long to realize that it was a person and from the way they felt...a very dead person.
I didn't even have to time for that to fully register before the second story windows over the kitchen exploded out from the heat. The flames leapt out the window illuminating the kitchen with their ghastly orange glow. I instinctively ducked my head to shield my face and found myself staring into Gilly's wide, vacant eyes. For a moment it wasn't Gilly's face I was seeing, but another young person with the same type of wound.
"I'm so sorry, Seth," I sobbed, "I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner...didn't stop Todd sooner. Oh God, Seth, please..."
Another loud crash from upstairs made me look up and when I looked back down again Seth was gone, Gilly lay in his place. I clawed my way up the counter and grabbed the phone. Dead! Just like Seth. Just like Zack. Just like Gilly. Just like Todd. So much death. Suddenly it was too much; it was more than I could handle and huge wracking sobs washed over me as I slid to the floor, wedged between Gilly's lifeless body and the cabinet. Just then the door swung open with a thwack as it slammed into Gilly.
"Killian? Are you in there?" It was Dash.
"Yes," I sobbed.
"We have to get out. The whole second floor is on fire. Mom already called 911 from the car phone. Come on!"
"I...I can't."
"Yes you can. Why can't I get the door open?"
"It's Gilly."
"She's in there?"
"Yes."
"Is she ok?"
"She's dead."
"Then there's nothing we can do, we need to get out of here, now!" He squeezed his way through the door and looked down at Gilly. "Oh my God! He gasped when he saw her. He forced himself to look away, then reached down and yanked me roughly to my feet. Still holding my hand he half-dragged me through the door and into the hallway. We hadn't gone more than two feet before yet another huge crash boomed from above our heads. This crash was followed by an ominous creaking of wooden beams that stopped us dead in our tracks just seconds before a large section of the ceiling crashed down right in front of us, showering us with sparks and burning debris.
"Is there a back door?" Dash screamed.
I yanked him back towards the kitchen and we raced to the back door. We burst into the cool air of the backyard.
"They're in front, by your car." Dash gasped.
We ran around the corner of the house and were about halfway across the front yard when the house exploded behind us. We were thrown to the ground as an enormous fireball rolled into the sky.
For a moment I just laid there, grateful just to be breathing and still. Finally, I forced myself up on my elbows and then rolled onto my side. I looked back at the house, now completely engulfed in flames and thought about how close I had come to dying - several times over - in that house tonight. But the evil had died within that house and now maybe, just maybe, I could finally begin to heal.
Asher dropped to my side and threw his arms around my neck and sobbed onto my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him and we rocked back and forth on the lawn. I watched the house burn over Asher's shoulder. Every square inch of my body was in pain, God only knew how much worse it would be when the adrenaline wore off, but I was alive. And the boy I loved was alive and for right now, that was all that mattered.
It was a very special Christmas that year; one I'll never forget. There weren't many presents under the tree, but the gifts we had received were much more valuable than any material possession could ever be. We were celebrating more than God's gift of the Christ-child that year; we were also celebrating the precious gift of life that He had so graciously spared for so many of us. We knew now just how precious that gift was.
In the months since that fatal night, so much had happened. All of the survivors of the fire had been treated to lengthy stays at the local hospital. We were being treated for various cuts, bruises and abrasions, varying degrees of burns, one dislocated shoulder (mine) and smoke inhalation. Some of us required longer stays than others with Judy and Dash being the shortest. Jake was the last to be released, only having been discharged a few days before Christmas. He was still walking with a cane and had to go to rehab daily. He looked much older than he had before, but who could blame him after all he had been through? His long hair was gone now, as was Judy's. What hadn't burned off had been chopped off at the hospital to make it easier to treat their cuts. Judy had gone back to her natural blonde and for the first time I could see the family resemblance. I was amazed that I hadn't seen it in Dash from the first.
So much information that had been hidden for years came out in the month after the fire that I at times I felt like I was just waiting for Jerry Springer to call and say we were booked for the show. I was sure that if I was still confused and shocked that Jake's poor head had to be absolutely spinning.
It had turned out that Judy was Dash's mother. She'd had him when she was very young and the father had abandoned them. Her family had been scandalized and wanted her to have an abortion, but she'd refused and ran off to California, where she had the baby and raised him herself while working as a waitress and going to school at night.
When Dash was two years old, Judy got a call from her sister, Janice. Janice was pregnant and wanted Judy to come back and help with her two other children, Todd and Gilly, while she waited to have the baby. All her pregnancies had been difficult and she'd lost one baby in between Gilly and this pregnancy. Judy agreed and flew back, bringing Dashel with her. While she was there, Tom, Janice's husband, raped Judy. She told Janice immediately, who begged her not to report it. Judy agreed, but left on the next flight. It wasn't long before she realized she was pregnant. She called Janice and told her. A month later, Janice showed up on her doorstep. She had lost her baby and now she had an offer for Judy. She wanted to take Judy's baby and raise it as her own. The baby is Tom's, Janice argued, and besides, they could give him so much more than a single mother with a waitress income. Judy reluctantly agreed and Janice stayed with her until the baby was born. Janice named him Jacob and when she took him home, she told everyone that she had given birth to him while she was in California staying with her sister.
Judy kept a close eye on things, dropping in unexpectedly and calling often. She had begun to culture her psychic image, purposefully exaggerating when she was around Tom to scare him into believing she was more powerful than she was. It must have worked because he never laid a finger on Jake, even though he routinely abused Todd and Gilly, sexually and physically. Eventually Janice had Jamie and after waiting so long for another child of her own, she became fiercely protective of him, protecting him from Tom's abuse.
Amid the aftermath of the devastating fire and these even more devastating revelations, Tom committed suicide by shooting himself. Two days later, Janice hung herself in her hotel room. Asher's parents took in Jamie and Jake was given into Judy's custody since she was his birth mother. In the space of just a few days, Jake had lost one entire family and gained an entire new one. The transition had not been a smooth one and he had been spending as much time with a psychiatric therapist as his physical therapist. We had all been in counseling since that night. It turned out that was suffering from something similar to what veterans of war experience. I would have flashbacks that would literally cripple me with fear until they had passed. As I went for twice weekly counseling sessions, though, these episodes came farther and farther apart.
We were all hailed as heroes by the local media and the story even made it to the national level. We were all interviewed by Dan Rather for a special episode of 60 Minutes. It was almost more excitement than I could handle and I was very relieved when the hoopla died down and things began to return to some sense of normalcy. I was thankful for the president's newest gaffe since it diverted the media's attention elsewhere. Bad news sells better than good news so it seems.
All the attention from the press did serve one very positive purpose, however. It spawned a special investigation into the police department and their supposed mishandling of Seth's murder case. Charges of misconduct and homosexual prejudice sprung up from militant gay rights activists all over the country. In the process a level of corruption was discovered that led directly to...surprise...dear old dad. He was forced to resign amid flying accusations as all his underlings scrambled to drop the whole ball of wax in his lap and he was now facing more charges than his lawyer could keep up with. I was ashamed to admit that I felt a certain amount of grim satisfaction in all this. I had more than a few conversations on the subject with my counselor.
On a happier note, Steve did move in with Adam, Kane and I. That was one transition that came off without a hitch. Mom decided to stay in Pennsylvania with Aunt Kathy, but she agreed that I could stay here with Adam and Asher, at least until I graduated.
After Christmas, Judy, Dash and Kane were planning on flying back to California. Jake told me that while part of him didn't want to leave, for the most part he was looking forward to starting over in a new place where there weren't ghosts from his old life waiting around every corner.
Perhaps the happiest note of all, at least as far as I was concerned, was that Asher and I were closer than ever. It seems that when you face death together it tends to bring you together in a way that nothing else could. I was beginning to think that maybe Asher was right and true love does conquer all. I was definitely sure that we could conquer anything that life could throw in front of us...as long as we faced it together.