Alright, guys. I've got the 11th (how did this story ever get so long?) installment right here. :) I hope you all enjoyed the last one, at least a little bit. It would seem that from the email response I got, you did, so that makes me happy. :) Speaking of email, it's always, always appreciated. Send anything you have, questions, comments, feedback, suggestions, anything, to sdauson@hotmail.com. :)
Disclaimers: This story is a complete work of fiction. Any similarities to real life or any person(s), living or dead, are entirely coincidental. This story is not meant to imply anything about the sexuality of Brian Littrell, or any other of the Backstreet Boys. It's fan fiction, and is not based in any sort of reality. This story appears to be written in the first person by Brian Littrell, but in fact, this story was not written by Brian himself, or even by anyone who knows him personally.
If you are under the age of 18, or your local laws prohibit you from reading sexually graphic or erotic materials, please leave now. The same applies to anyone offended or made uncomfortable by stories involving consensual homosexual male relationships. Basically, if you continue reading, you are doing so on your own free will, and I cannot and will not be held responsible for any consequences.
Authors Note: Well, I must admit I was very late in starting this installment, but fortunately, I still managed to get it out on time. It came pretty close, though, believe me. :) I'm making it a point to start the next one as early as possible, though, so it doesn't happen again. :) Just like last time, this installment is the full 20kb, so sit back and enjoy. :)
And as always, a huge thank you to everyone who emailed me over the last installment. Your kind words never fail to be an inspiration to me. Thank you so much. :) I'd also like to use this space to recommend a few of my favorite stories, which include 'Beneath it All' and 'Mirrors' by Scotty (he's very talented), Billy's 'Thou Shalt Not', and the ever popular 'Brian and Me' by the great DLS. :)
That being said, on with the story...
Blind Faith Part 11
Kevin reached the door to his room before I did, opening it at walking in. I followed close behind. Needless to say, we were greeted by four sets of eyes, some curious, others containing simply blank stares. Nick was the one who spoke first. "Is everything alright?" he asked me.
"With Kevin," I said, looking to Howie and A.J. They'd said less than five words each since I'd told them my news. "What about you guys?" I felt my palms starting to sweat, and my heartbeat increase slightly. Neither of them were smiling.
At that point, however, it seems my fear was unwarranted. "You've got your sexuality and I've got mine," A.J. said. "Let's just leave it at that, okay?" he still refused to smile. Something was certainly concerning him.
I nodded. "Howie?" I looked in his direction.
"I'm cool, I guess," he replied. He wouldn't look at me, only at the floor. He kicked at the rug once, then twice. I got the distinct impression it bothered him at least a little, despite his words. 'At least he isn't yelling,' I told myself.
I looked to Nick and Evan to see if either could offer anything more. Nick simply shrugged. We stood there for another minute in an uneasy silence before Nick spoke again. "Anyone else hungry?" he asked, smiling broadly. I suppose he knew exactly what reaction that would get out of everyone, and the rest of the room laughed. It was a sound I was certainly glad to hear.
"I am, actually." Kevin said from his spot on the bed, once everyone had had their laugh.
"Me too." A.J. agreed.
"Let's all go out to eat then," Kevin suggested. "All six of us." he said, looking to Evan, Howie, and A.J. before turning back to me. "It'll give us a chance to, talk." he looked around the room to see if anyone would object. When no one did, he spoke again. "So, where do we go, everyone?" he asked. He gave me a smile.
"Anything that's not fast food," A.J. said, looking to Nick with a grin on his face. Nick stuck his tongue out.
"Sounds good," Kevin replied with a slight laugh. "Brian, Evan?" he asked, looking at each of us as he said our names.
"Anywhere's fine by me." I managed a weak smile. The day had gone as well as I could have hoped, but I was still tired. It had left me drained already, even though it was only around 5pm. I suppose most people would have felt the same way, had they been in my situation. Evan nodded his agreement to my earlier response.
"How about a real restaurant for a change?" Howie suggested.
It seemed like an acceptable place to eat to everyone else present, and nobody had any better suggestions. We opted to leave in about 30 minutes, giving everyone enough time to find some nice clothes and get ourselves changed and pretty, or so Kevin had reasoned.
Kevin and Howie had dressed pretty nicely, and A.J. had dressed like A.J. Evan hadn't brought any formal clothes, so in an effort to keep him from feeling the odd one out, Nick and I went in semi casual clothes as he did. As soon as we all felt ourselves to be presentable, which was about five minutes later than we had anticipated, we left the hotel.
Our transportation for the evening was a limo, which brought a smile to Evan's face. The first one since the three of us had returned from the mall, I noted. The restaurant was nice enough, but not so fancy that Evan, Nick, and myself felt horribly out of place in the clothes we were wearing. They seated us out of the way, something most places like that do without even us having to ask anymore. We were sheltered from everyone else, out of the other patron's sight, in hopes that we could eat our dinner in peace.
We were seated at a circular table just big enough for the six of us. Evan sat between Nick and I, Howie and A.J. to either side, and Kevin directly across from Evan. We placed our orders, and sipped our drinks while we waited for our food in another awkward silence.
Kevin was trying to act as inattentive as possible, while A.J. kept looking between myself and Evan. He still wasn't smiling, I noticed. Howie couldn't seem to keep his eyes in one place for more than a few seconds, looking at the room around him. Nick was the only one who seemed comfortable with the whole situation, while Evan simply sat in his seat. I couldn't read him at all.
"So," Nick started. "Are we going to talk, or what?" he looked to Kevin. If anyone was acting like he had had something to say at that moment, it was him. "I think there are definitely some things that need to be said here."
Kevin looked away from Nick after being indirectly spoken to, down at the table. After a moment, his gaze came back up and settled on me. "Yeah, I think you're right, Nick."
Our table was separated from the rest of the restaurant, secluded from most people's view, not only by walls, but distance as well. If anyone even knew we were there, we would have had to be yelling to be distinguishable above the general din of the restaurant, and through the walls and empty space that lied between us and the rest of the restaurant's customers.
Before Kevin had a chance to pursue a conversation, though, our food arrived. We ate much of the meal in silence, trying to keep our eyes to ourselves as much as we could help it. Even Nick began to succumb to the stress of the table. The food was good enough, and it was all but gone in a short amount of time. There wasn't much of an excuse to keep quiet any longer.
Howie was the person who managed to scrape together enough courage to speak first, surprisingly enough. "So..." he said. "When did you two meet?" he picked at what was left of his food with a fork.
I looked to Evan, and then once around the table before I responded. Everyone still seemed content in their own little worlds, trying to act like they weren't paying any attention. "That trip I took to Colorado about a week ago." I smiled slightly to myself. "I decided to go skiing, and Evan was there too."
Howie nodded, still looking at his plate. "And you've... you've been together since then?" he pressed. He ate a fork full of his food, trying to make his attitude seem as casual as possible.
I nodded in return. "You could say that."
"Well," Kevin finally spoke. "Why don't you tell us about yourself, Evan?" Evan looked up from his plate to face Kevin.
I looked at Evan again for a moment, wondering for a split second if talking to Kevin about himself, or about us, would make him uncomfortable. He only smiled, at Kevin more than me, but it let me know he was okay on his own.
"What would you like to know?" he asked Kevin, still smiling. "I'm not really a very interesting person."
Kevin chuckled a bit, despite the tense atmosphere of the table. "Okay, then. You're from Colorado?" he asked, returning Evan's smile. Howie was once again giving his plate his undivided attention, while Nick looked between Kevin and Evan. I kept my eyes moving around the table and the rest of the room for the most part, not wanting to seem like I was staring, and keep from making a tense situation worse.
Evan nodded. "Mmmhmm... Belburly, actually. Not that I'd expect you to have ever heard of it."
"Do you... still," Kevin paused for a second. "still live at home?" he was trying his best to be polite, but there was definitely uneasiness there. I shot him a look as soon as I heard the words come out of his mouth. I knew exactly where he was going, and I didn't like it. Evan didn't seem to mind the question, though.
"Yeah, with my mom and dad, if that's what you're asking. I'm a Junior at Belburly High School." he smiled again at Kevin.
Kevin nodded and tried his best to return the smile, but the information definitely bothered him. He looked at me once before returning to his food. He was troubled, and I knew I'd be getting a lecture from him later. It was only a matter of time.
If I had thought Kevin to be blunt, though, A.J. proved me dead wrong. "Just how old are you, anyway?" he asked, putting down his fork. There was accusation in his voice, a sharpness to his words that exposed his disapproval of Evan. I tried to stare him down as best I could, but he wasn’t phased.
Evan even gave A.J. a look of his own, letting him know the question, or at least the tone in which it was asked, was unappreciated. "I'll be turning 17 this Tuesday." he replied cooly, but with a tone much flatter than he'd used on Kevin.
"So you're 16?" A.J. pushed not paying any attention to Evan's annoyed response. "You do know Brian's 24, don't you?"
Evan sat perfectly still. He didn't reply, but kept his gaze fixed firmly on A.J. A.J. did the same to him, their newfound dislike for the other evident.
I'd heard about enough of his interrogation at that point. He was definitely making Evan uneasy, and it was territory I didn't want to go into at that point. Certainly not with Evan in the room. It was between me and the rest of the guys. "A.J.," I started.
"No, no..." Evan said, cutting me off. He turned to face me. "It's okay, Brian. A.J.'s just being a little rude, I can handle it." He made sure his voice was loud enough so that A.J. could clearly hear him. He turned back to face A.J. "I know perfectly well how old Brian is."
"Then can't you see how inappropriate it is for you to be involved with him?" he was almost snarling. It took all my willpower to have kept from leaping out of my chair and attacking him right then and there. I bit my tongue to prevent myself yelling at him loudly enough that the entire restaurant would hear.
"A.J., stop it." this time it was Kevin who spoke. "You're not helping anything."
A.J. stood up and pointed an accusing finger at Evan. "He's eight years younger than Brian!" he looked directly at me. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" He was trying hard to keep his voice from becoming a yell, but he was starting to draw attention in our direction all the same.
Either way, I'd had about enough of A.J. for the evening. "Come on, Evan." I said, standing. "I think we're gonna go back to the hotel," I said to Kevin. "We're both a little tired." I was shaking as I said the words, but they came out with such force they surprised even me.
I'd expected there to be some questioning of the age difference between Evan and myself, but A.J. was way out of line. Even Kevin knew that. If he had problems, he should have talked to me, alone. He had no right to go after Evan like he did, as far as I was concerned. I'd figured I'd deal with him later, though. At that time, I just wanted out of the restaurant, and away from that situation.
Nick stood too, and without looking at anyone else at the table, followed us out of the restaurant and onto the street. It was dark outside by that time, cars racing by on the street. It was starting to rain, so the sidewalks around us were empty. We hurried into a nearby gift shop, also relatively empty, to avoid getting too wet.
I looked over at Evan once we were inside. He looked so sad, so upset. If he was angry in even the slightest degree, it certainly wasn't showing. "I'm so sorry, Evan." I would have hugged him if we hadn't been in public. "I had no idea A.J. would react like that. Please don't listen to a word he said. He was just being an idiot." I reached out and gave his right shoulder a sqeeze.
"Brian's right," Nick said from beside us. "He doesn't know what he's talking about."
Evan looked to me first, then to Nick, searching our faces momentarily, and then back down to the floor. "It's alright, Brian. I'm okay."
I didn't believe him, it didn't take an empath to see that he was obviously lying. There was no sincerity in his voice, no truthfulness. His body language didn't exactly agree with his words either. But in reality, there was nothing more I could do at the moment. With a depressing sigh, I found a phone and called for a cab to come pick us up, and take us back to the hotel. When it arrived, the three of us quickly exited the gift shop and jogged over to the yellow vehicle parked at the curb.
It was still raining when we pulled up in front of the hotel. I paid the driver, and got out of the car first, Evan and Nick behind me, in that order. Even in the short amount of time it took to get from the cab to the hotel entrance, out clothes managed to get rather wet. We made our way up to our rooms, and Nick went to change in Kevin's bathroom, while I did the same thing in our own.
Evan didn't bother. "It suits my mood," he'd said, and Nick and I left him alone to find dry cloths for ourselves.
There wasn't much talking once we were back together in our room. Wasn't much to say to each other, I suppose. There was certainly much to be said, but not to anyone who was present at that time. Evan and I sat in a large chair together, side by side. His wet clothes were dampening my own, but it didn't really matter. I was hugging him as he pressed his face against my shoulder.
Howie, Kevin, and A.J. returned not long after. I hadn't really expected them to sit around in the restaurant for long after Nick, Evan, and I made our exit. The food had been gone already by that time. I expect the only reason the didn't follow us immediately was because they wanted to give me some time to cool down. Either way, the knock at our door came, and I was surprised to find only Kevin in the hall when I answered it.
"Bri, we need to talk." he said simply. He looked past me and into the room. Nick was stretched out on the bed with the television in front of him, and Evan sat alone in the chair I had just vacated. "Alone."
At that point, I wasn't upset with him. He'd tried his best to keep things from getting out of hand at dinner, and A.J. was the only one I had been angry with at that moment. I sighed. "Yeah... your room?" I asked. I looked back to Nick, who nodded. Evan did the same. They'd be alright together, I'd reasoned.
"Good a place as any," Kevin said. He turned and motioned for me to follow as he made his way across and down the hall to his door. I followed, expecting to discuss what we were going to do about A.J. He let me in first, and followed, closing the door firmly behind him.
"An interesting dinner, huh?" he said, trying to force a smile.
I sighed again and sat myself down on his bed. He preferred to remain standing, it seemed. "You could say that." I looked up from my lap. "I can't believe he reacted like that, Kev. If he wants to give me shit, fine, but Evan? He doesn't deserve that! How could he say those things right to his face?"
"I don't know, Bri." he took a deep breath. "But despite the fact that the way he went about expressing his feelings was wrong," he paused for a second. "he's right."
I knew I should have seen that one coming a million miles away. To some extent, I had, but it still caught me off guard. I was 24, and Evan was 16. I'd never expected A.J. to react the way he did, but in the back of my mind, I'd known Kevin would have a problem with it. Being the oldest in the group also meant that Evan looked youngest to him. I guess I just didn't expect him to side with A.J. after the way A.J. had acted earlier.
"You're wrong, Kev." I said as calmly as I could. My tranquillity didn't last long, though. My emotions began to take over, and there wan't much i could do to stop them. I felt like I was being backed into a corner at that moment, like everyone was against me, against Evan. I'd put up with enough of that at dinner. "You don't know him!" I barked.
"I don't have to!" he replied, now equally upset. "He's 16, that's all I need to know! He's 16, you're 24, how in God's name is that going to work?" we were yelling now.
"He's turning 17 on Tuesday." I stated firmly.
"Big fucking difference," he said sarcastically. "What the hell are you thinking? Sixteen, seventeen, he's still a minor! You know what that makes you in the eyes of the law? A child molester, you know that, don't you?"
"He's not a child!" I snapped back.
"Maybe not to you, but that doesn't matter, Brian." he said, trying to calm himself down.
"And why doesn't what's important to me matter?" I asked, my resolve fleeting quickly. I couldn't hold the tears back any longer, and I silently began to cry.
Kevin let out a heavy sigh. "Sometimes life isn't fair, Bri." he sat down on the bed next to me, pulling me into a hug. He let my cry on his shoulder for a good ten minutes before speaking again. "You can't see him anymore, Brian."
I pulled away from his shoulder and looked him in the eye, my anger returning at those words. "What? Are you ordering me not to see Evan anymore?" I asked, incredulous.
"Yes." he said firmly, not breaking eye contact. "This can't work, Brian. You know that as well as I do."
"Who the hell do you think you are?" I growled at him. "You can't tell me who I can and can't date."
"Brian, it won't work, it can't work! Being gay is one thing, I accept that, we all do, Brian. But dating a minor is another. You can't do this!" he stood and walked over to one of the windows in the hotel room.
"Fuck you, Kevin." I mumbled, "You don't know what you're talking about." I looked back down into my lap.
Before he had a chance to reply, we noticed yelling could clearly be heard elsewhere on the floor. From Kevin's room, I could only make out A.J.'s voice. I glanced at Kevin once before standing, and heading for the door. He followed, and we traced A.J.'s voice to the room Nick and I shared. And that's when it fit together for me, the room that Nick and Evan were in. And now A.J. was too, obviously screaming at one of them, I'd thought. I could hear the other voice by that time. It was Evan he was arguing with.
I got to my room and threw open the door as quickly as I could. They were both standing at one end of the room, yelling at each other. I hadn't gotten there quick enough, though, as I entered was just in time to see A.J.'s fist connect with Evan's face.
There you have it, folks, the 11th installment. Sorry to end it like that, but like I said last time, I'd reached 20kb, (I actually went a little over, didn't I?) so I had to stop, right? :) I hope everyone enjoyed it, those of you that are still reading. Why don't you give my your opinions? Send anything you have to sdauson@hotmail.com. I really do appreciate it, and I make it a point to respond to those who do write me.
Now firmly back in the Thursday update, I'm hoping for a few more emails. Call me crazy, but I think it really does make a difference when a story is updated, like airing television shows. :) Anyway, it's on time and at a full 20kb, and then some. :) What more could you ask for? (And if anyone says 'decent writing, for a change', I'll have your thumbs. :P)
Craziness aside, :) what's in store for the next installment of Blind Faith? Well, I think much of it is pretty obvious. Brian and A.J. are going to have a dispute, there's going to be some yelling, but that's about all I'm willing to tell you at this point in time. Guess you'll just have to come back and read part 12 for yourself, eh? :)
Sadly enough, though (for me at least), the end of the story is near. I think you can expect Part 14 or so to be the last. It's not anything to do with email feedback or anything like that, but I had this story mapped out from the beginning, and we're getting close to the end here. Just letting you guys know. :)
And before I leave, let me just say, if you haven't been to the Nifty Boybands chat room already, I strongly recommend it. I visit there regularly, as well as some pretty famous authors here on Nifty. Do DLS and Mike Ellis ring a bell? Or how about Lucas and ScottyT? Billy Burrew or Braan, DCKevin or Dayse, Seth or Bon Bon? There are plenty more, let me assure you. If you come in at the right time, you just might catch one. :)
Anyway, I've run out of things to babble about... and if you cheered at that, may you bite your tongue. Not so hard that it hurts too badly, I'm not that mean. :) Anyway, I'll talk to you all later,
Sam