Here comes installment number six, people. :) I must say I was very pleased with the response I got from part five, as people seemed to enjoy it a lot. Keep sending me your comments, people. They really make writing this story much more enjoyable. Send anything you've got, be it comments, questions, hate mail, your grocery list, anything, to sdauson@hotmail.com. :)
Remember, this story is a complete work of fiction. Any similarities to real life or any person(s), living or dead, are entirely coincidental. This story is not meant to imply anything about the sexuality of Brian Littrell, or any other of the Backstreet Boys. It's fan fiction, and is not based in any sort of reality. This story appears to be written in the first person by Brian Littrell, but in fact, this story was not written by Brian himself, or even by anyone who knows him personally.
If you are under the age of 18, or your local laws prohibit you from reading sexually graphic or erotic material, please leave now. The same applies to anyone offended or made uncomfortable by stories involving consensual homosexual male relationships. Basically, if you continue reading, you are doing so on your own free will, and I cannot and will not be held responsible for any consequences.
Authors Note: Hello, everyone. I know this installment is noticeably shorter than the others, and I apologize, but I promise, there are good reasons. Well, maybe they're not good, but at least they fall short of pathetic. :) Do you want me to explain them here and keep you waiting, or do it at the end of the story? Well, I think I know the answer. I think you're all pretty anxious to see what happens, so I'll move on.
I just want to say, thank you, thank you, thank you, to everybody who wrote me regarding the last installment. You all had wonderful things to say, and it's our input that keeps me writing. Also, I'd like to recommend a few stories, including Seth's 'Common People', 'Studio in the Country' by Mike, and the ever popular 'Brian and Me' by DLS. :)
That being said, on with the story...
Blind Faith Part 6
I was stunned for a moment. It took me a moment to realize just what he'd said, and another to realize just how much of my conversation with Evan he must have overheard. I'd been caught telling another man I loved him. "So you heard that, huh?" I finally said. I spoke calmly, trying to dissipate some of the tension present.
"Mmmm-hmm." he responded. "I... I didn't mean to eavesdrop or anything, ya know. I was coming in to tell you I was going over to see what everyone else was up to, and you were on the phone, and..." he trailed off, his voice shaking a little.
"It's okay, Nick, don't worry about it." I told him, trying to keep the instability in my voice under control. "About what you heard..." I stared.
"No, no..." he cut me off. "I shouldn't have said anything. That's your business, not mine." he rushed the words, and practically slurred them into one big line.
I could probably have let it go at that, but I didn't want to. I wanted to tell him everything, I had for a long time, but I could never bring myself to do it. He was my best friend, my brother almost, after all. It may have caught me off guard, but this was the perfect opportunity. He turned to leave, but I quickly stood and stopped him.
"Nick..." I started.
"Brian, are you gay?" he cut me off, blurting out the question. His tone was incredulous, but neither accusing nor hateful.
There it was, the question that had the potential to ruin my life, my career, the future of the Backstreet Boys, everything. Nick was my friend, though. Something inside me knew it was safe to tell him.
"Yes," I said, almost in a whisper. I nodded my head slowly as I looked at the floor. Everything that had caused me so much pain, so much distress for as long as I could remember, out in the open with one word.
Nick seemed in shock for a moment. "Wh..." he began. He paused and recomposed himself. "Why didn't you say anything earlier?" he asked.
A wave of relief washed over me. For a moment, irrational as it may have been, I had been afraid that he wasn't going to take my confession well, that he'd reject me, and despise me. "You don't hate me?" I asked him.
He sighed. "Rok, I couldn't ever hate you. Not over this, or anything." he paused. "Think about it... if I told you I was into bestiality or something, you might be a little grossed out, but would you hate me?"
He was right, as I thought about it. Sometimes, he acted a lot younger than he was, and at other times, he could be a very mature person, I realized. "No, I guess not." I said, my eyes still down on the floor.
He took his hand and brought my head up so I was facing him. It was then that he pulled me into a hug. I smiled, glad I still had my best friend in the world, my brother, at my side. I rested my head on his shoulder, relishing that feeling. "You're not really into..." I trailed off, my smile growing.
"Ach... of course not!" he said, pulling back out of the hug to face me, smiling himself.
"Good." was all I said. I walked back over to the bed, and sat down again. He sat down beside me a moment later, and began to speak.
"So," he said. "Who's Evan?" he repeated his earlier question, quickly adding that he wouldn't be upset or anything if I didn't want to tell him.
"It's okay Nick," I said with a sly grin. "But... judging from your question, it seems you didn't hear all that much of our phone conversation, did you?" I asked.
"Nuh-uh," he responded, shaking his head. "Only the last couple of seconds. Why?"
"Well, because I..." I trailed of for a moment before resuming. "I kind of invited him up here." I watched him closely, watching to see what his reaction would be.
"Oh," he said simply, seemingly a bit hesitant. "I'm not sure how well you thought that through, but..." he trailed off.
"What's the matter?" I asked. "I could just tell the rest of the guys he a friend of friend, or something. I'm sure I could come up with an excuse." I wondered maybe if it was him that had the problem, and not my plan. Maybe this was all going just a little too fast for him.
"Maybe so," he said. "But they'll suspect something sooner or later, you know. There's just like no way around it."
He was right, but I didn't really care. Evan just seemed more important for the time being. I'd known I'd have to tell the rest of the guys sooner or later. If the time came as early as the week after next, then so be it. If they couldn't accept me and Evan, I'd deal with the situation accordingly. "Yeah... but I guess that's just a risk I'm going to have to take." I said.
He nodded in understanding. "What about management?"
"They don't have to know, I suppose. I'll fly Evan out here with money out of my own pocket, and he can stay in our hotel room." I paused, and began to regret what I'd just said. If Evan coming to visit us made Nick uncomfortable, the three of us staying in the same room would certainly be a problem. He'd taken my whole 'coming out' thing much better than I ever could have hoped, but now it seemed time to see whether or not my earlier fears had been founded. "If that's okay with you, you know..."
To my surprise, he smiled. "Don't worry about it, B..." he said. "I told you, I have no hangups about who you are, and have no problems about Evan staying with us, if that's what you're asking."
I pulled him into another hug right then and there. It was so relieving to know that I still had Nick to be there for me, that this changed nothing between us. That he could accept a same sex relationship between me and another person. I felt liberated, for lack of a better word. I smiled and let go of Nick.
"I'm actually looking forward to meeting him." he said. "Just to be sure," he said, his tone of voice changing, lowering slightly. "You two are a... couple, right?" he asked.
"Yeah... you can say that." I smiled again. Me and Evan certainly acted like a couple, I thought, but neither of us had ever put it so blatantly. For fear of boring Nick, however, I kept my answer brief.
He returned my smile. "So, tell me about him." he said, continuing to smile, motioning with his hand slightly.
I thought about the question for a moment. The more I thought about it, the harder it was to pin down Evan's characteristics with simple words. To me, he seemed an example of perfection. I couldn't describe him much better than that. He was Evan, almost angelic in his looks and manner, at least in my eyes. I couldn't find the words to relate who he was any better.
"I think you'll just have to wait and see him for yourself," I finally said.
"Fine," he said, pouting slightly. "You should probably go talk to Kevin then. You know the more notice you give him of stuff like this, the happier he is."
I nodded my agreement, and got up to leave the room. Before I did, I turned to look at Nick, still sitting on the bed. "Nick," I started. "Thanks, for everything."
"Don't mention it." he said.
I turned and left the room with a smile on my face. I crossed the hall and to the right, which took me directly to Kevin's room. Kevin had said he wasn't tired, but I don't think he wanted to go anywhere by himself, and I found him alone in his room. He was lying in his bed, on his back reading a book when I entered.
"Hey, Kev," I said, getting his attention.
"What's up, Bri?" he asked, putting down his book, and sitting up at the same time.
"Now, I know you're probably not going to like this," I started. "But, I managed to make somewhat of a friend while I was in Colorado. He saw who I was, despite my 'disguise', so I decided to go over and say 'hi' and all. We got to talking, and he turned out to be a pretty nice guy. I actually got to know him pretty well, and umm, I was talking to him on the phone just now, and I..." I paused, wondering how Kevin would react. "I kind of invited him to come see us for a day or two."
I let out the rest of breath I had left, and hoped he wouldn't get too upset over this. Regardless of what my relationship was with Evan, I knew I probably shouldn't have done it, especially without talking to Kevin first. And of course, if he did allow it, would he buy my story? It was the truth, to some extent. I just left out a few details.
"You shouldn't have done that, you know..." he said, just as I'd expected. His expression remained blank for the most part.
"I know, I know, but we kind of got to be pretty good friends, even knowing each other for only a few days." I said, defending myself. "I know he's a fan, and he wanted to meet you all. I'll pay for his air fare, and he'll stay with me and Nick. He'll only be here for two, maybe three nights." I gave him my best pleading face. "Please, Kev?"
He looked at me sternly for a moment before replying. "Oh, alright," he said, his face softening. "Anything for the fans, right?" he gave me a sort of tired smile.
"Thanks, Kev... you're the best." I said, giving him a huge smile.
"When's he coming?" he asked. He seemed oblivious to the fact that Evan was a guy. Maybe he was happy it wasn't a teenage girl, maybe he'd believed my story, or maybe it just didn't matter to him. Either way, he left that detail alone, and took quite the load off my shoulders.
"It would be the weekend after this coming weekend." I answered.
He let out a sigh. "Okay... you wanna tell the rest of the guys, or should I?" he asked.
I thought about it for a moment. If I told them, I was liable to get all nervous and such. I didn't make a very good liar, truth be told. I figured it would be better to have Kevin tell them. "You can tell 'em, Kev... I'm pretty tired, so I think I'm going to bed. I already told Nick, so you only have to talk with Howie and A.J."
"Okay," he said. "Night, Bri."
"Night, and thanks." I smiled. I'd been standing the entire time, so I simply turned and left the room, closing the door lightly behind me as Kevin laid back down on his bed, going back to his book for a few minutes before he would tell the other two. I walked back across the hall to the room belonging to Nick and myself, and opened the door.
It was pretty dark in the room, except for a small lamp on a table near the bed. There was enough illumination for me to see Nick curled up on his bed, asleep. It certainly had been a long day for him, I reflected. Aside from the jet lag we were all suffering from, I think our little talk earlier might have been tiring as well. I walked over to my bed, and sat down. It was only nine at that time. Nick had said he was tired, and he did have my sexuality to deal with, but usually he was up much later than me.
That topic aside, it would only be eight o'clock in Colorado. If Evan was anything like the typical high school student, I still had plenty of time to call him before he'd be going to sleep. I took out my phone, and dialed the number of his cell phone.
"Hey, Bri." he answered. "Missed you." I could hear the smile in his voice.
"Missed you too, babe." I said, smiling to myself. "Did you talk to your mom?"
"Yeah," he said. "She didn't like the idea too much, but I think she's gonna allow it."
"Excellent!" I said with genuine excitement. "I can't wait." My smile increased by at least 2 fold.
"Neither can I... I miss you so bad, Bri."
"Same here..." I said. "What's the earliest you'll be able to board a plane for the weekend?" I asked.
"Saturday morning. My mother said if I was leaving her alone for the entire weekend, I at least had to stay home Friday and help around the house. I'd be able to stay until Tuesday afternoon." he said.
"Sounds great to me. I'll make the arrangements to fly you to Minneapolis. I talked to Kevin, he said everything was fine by him, and that we shouldn't have any problems with management." I didn't want to tell him that Kevin had been reluctant to give the okay, and I didn't think it would matter much. I figured I'd wait to tell him about how much Nick knew of our relationship as well.
"Sounds good," he said. "I guess I'll talk to you later, then, right?"
"Yup."
"Good night, Brian." he said.
"Night, Evan." I hung up the phone, and set it on the small table next to my bed. I would have been bubbling with excitement at the prospect of seeing him again, except for the fact that I myself was as tired as Nick.
Today had been a very exhausting one. I told Nick about my sexually, and he'd been completely understanding. I'd be seeing Evan again in less than two weeks, and more importantly, I'd told him I loved him, and vice versa. It was such a wonderful feeling, to be loved, to know you're loved. It warmed my soul, and above all else, I felt good. Completely and entirely good.
I changed out of my clothes, and got myself ready for bed. Sleep was becoming more and more tempting by the second, so I wasted no time in preparing for it. As soon as I was done brushing my teeth, I got myself into the bed, turned off the single remaining light in the room, and drifted to sleep.
Well, there you have it, the 6th part. I hope everyone enjoyed it as much as the last part. Please email me letting me know. This is the kind of stuff I'm interested in. Remember, every email I get just makes me want to write more and more. :) Send all your comments, questions, and suggestions to sdauson@hotmail.com.
Yes, this part is on time, but that's because of the unusually short length. It's been an awfully busy week, so I could have written the full 20kb and had it out to you guys about 3 days late, or just upload what I had on time. Considering the response I got from part 5, which was basically people telling me they can't wait to see what happened next, I opted for the latter. Hope you all don't get too mad at me. :)
The first reason for the brevity of this part is above, and here's the second: I'm sick. These past two, maybe three days I've come down with a pretty nasty cold, and it's kept me in bed for a while. And I'm sure I'm not alone in saying when you feel like crap, the writing doesn't exactly 'flow'. :) Anyway, instead of delaying this installment, I figured I'd just put up what I had now.
Anyway, the next installment is probably going to be about that week of tour before Evan comes to join them. Any help you can offer about what was going on with tour schedules, what songs they were singing, etc. in this time frame would be greatly appreciated. :) Anyway, with the end of the school year fast approaching, I'll do my best to get the next part out on time and at the full 20kb, but I've got finals and everything, and on top of that, this stupid cold, so I'm afraid I can't make any promises. :)
Welp, I think that about does it for this time. Even though I'm sick, I'll still be answering any and all emails. Be sure to write me. :) I'll talk to you folks later. Bye, everyone! :)
Sam