Josh went to get his coat from the Corel Centre cloakroom, while Scott went back to his dressing room quickly and picked up his jacket. They met at the exit to the stadium fifteen minutes later.
"So, you ready?" Josh asked, zipping up his coat and pulling up his long hair, so it hang behind the collar.
Scott zipped up his coat as well and, smiling, nodded, "Of course. So, how are we gonna get to your house?"
Josh shrugged as he walked over and opened the door, holding it for Scott, "I figured that we might as well walk."
Scott was going to say something, but stopped himself and simply smiled at the blue-eyed boy, as they made their way through the door and out into the cold air.
"So..." Josh asked, as they trudged down the snow-covered sidewalk, "When did you know for sure?"
Scott stuck his hands in his pockets, as they were getting somewhat cold, and replied, "Know what?"
Josh smiled back at him and said, "That you were gay, silly! When did you know?"
Scott looked at Josh grimly and responded, "I always sort of suspected it, but I never wanted to admit it to myself, so I hung out with tons of girls and always made fun of Bob, who was so obviously gay. I was a real jerk and I feel so bad about it now."
Josh smiled, "It's cool. A lot of people are in denial, because they think it's something awful or some crazy shit like that."
Scott nodded and they remained silently walking for about two minutes, before Scott looked up again and asked, "How was it for you? I mean, are you., like, `out' or what?"
Josh shrugged, "Sorta. I mean, I knew for sure, when I started going through puberty. My friends and I would head down to Carlingwood mall and they'd check out the tits on passing chicks, but I'd be shooting looks at cute guys and checking them out between their legs. It was unconscious, like, you know?"
Scott nodded, even though he didn't totally understand.
Josh continued, "So, anyway, I would always kinda go freaky, because I kept wondering if I was, like, a fag or something."
"What do you mean?" Scott asked.
Josh stopped and, frowning slightly, said, "I mean, I'd come home from the mall, lock myself in my room and cry for about an hour."
Scott's face got sad as he looked at the blue-eyed boy remembering the past and nodded, "Geez...That's so sad."
Josh shrugged, "Well, how did you feel when you finally came to terms with it?"
Scott smirked, "Well, it was kinda easier for me, because my brother was in love with Zac by that point and, between the two of them, they gave me a lot of support. I mean, after they finished ragging on me for being so mean to them."
Josh smiled sadly, "That's so great. I had nobody...I mean, I couldn't tell anybody, because my friends all made fun of gay guys. I just...I just couldn't stop crying. Everyday, my mom would find me looking all fucked up and she kept asking me what was up and I just...I couldn't tell her, because I thought that it would ruin her life like it was ruining mine."
Scott listened in sadness for his new friend and nodded, "Yeah, sometimes I feel like it's a curse too. I mean, Clint and Dave are big girl lovers and...well, like ninety-percent of the world is straight or something. I see all these people getting married on TV and all these happy parents with kids and...I mean, I always thought that I'd have kids someday, but..."
Scott had to stop, as he felt close to tears. Josh could see the moisture glistening in Scott's eyes and he immediately said, "Hey, I don't want to see you cry, okay? It was hard enough the first time, so...let's talk about something else, okay?"
Scott shook his head emphatically and sniffled, "No...No, I'm okay. It's just kinda hard sometimes...you know...to think about how my life won't ever be...normal."
Josh swallowed hard and nodded, "Yeah, I know what you mean. All my friends were getting girlfriends and they were kissing and making out and...and I was so lonely. I kept seeing cute guys, but I could never go up to them, because they'd probably be straight and, even if they weren't, I couldn't let anybody find out that I wasn't. I kept it in for many months, until, one day, I just decided that I couldn't deal with it anymore. When my parents went out of town, I took a whole bunch of sleeping pills from my dad's medicine cabinet and just passed out on the couch. My last thought was that I was finally going to be free of this curse."
Scott listened and, despite his efforts, several tears escaped him and flowed down his frost-reddened cheeks, in sympathy for Josh.
Josh continued, tears beginning to flow, as well, "I woke up the next day, around evening time, and I felt as if every part of my body wasn't there anymore. I couldn't feel my arms or my legs or anything. I just felt my head and I saw the world as it spun around and around. When I tried to get up, my legs wouldn't work and I fell onto the floor and just began puking. I could hardly move my neck, so it covered my face and my clothes and everything. I nearly drowned in it, but I was just barely able to roll onto my back. I threw up a few more times and just lay there on the floor for God knows how long. Eventually, I began to feel a bit better and the room began to spin a little slower, so I slowly stood up and walked into the kitchen. I don't know why, Scott, but for some reason, I just had to call my dentist, so I called the number and, when the secretary answered, I just said, "I'm gay." and then...I dunno...I guess I passed out again."
"Geez..." Was all Scott could say.
Josh nodded, sniffling, "Yeah. The next time I woke up, I was feeling hella better, so I went and took a shower, and got dressed in clean clothes, then went out and got my ear pierced. From that day forward, I didn't hide it anymore. I told all my friends and my parents. My friends all left me and my parents think it's a stage. I was with a few guys, but nobody really serious."
Scott shrugged, feeling somewhat aphasic, and, when he was able to speak again, he asked, "So, if you had so much trouble dealing with being gay, then why did you torture me when we first met? Don't give me that `initiation' thing either!"
Josh shrugged and, smirking, said, "Scott, you have to understand...I have a crush on you and you're...well...you're the Scott Moffatt. I was totally overwhelmed when I found out that you were gay and, even though my body was like, "Go for it, Joshie boy!", my mind was, like, "Whoa! Hold up a second!"
Scott smiled slightly, "So, you panicked?"
Josh laughed, "Hell yeah! I'm so sorry, Scotty! I got no real friends and I've only had a few guys who I was with for one or two nights and that was it. I didn't...I mean..."
"You didn't want to get attached?" Scott finished for him, then added, "Well, how do you think I feel? I mean, I've only known you for a few hours and, already, I'm more in love with you than I've ever been with anybody ever. How do you think I'm feeling about the fact that, tomorrow afternoon, I'm on a plane with my brothers and we're heading off to Bangkok? I mean...I don't want to cry, but...I...I don't want to leave you, Josh!"
The tears flowed freely from Scott eyes and he had to fight to keep his bottom lip from quivering. Josh managed to keep himself distracted, because, at that moment, they passed his house and he directed Scott to turn up the walk and the two boys walked over and Josh opened the door.
As soon as he shut it behind him, he stopped holding back and he and Scott hugged tightly, each sobbing on the other's shoulder.
After several minutes, they had both released enough emotion and their sobs began to die down somewhat. Releasing their grip on each other, Josh sniffled and laughed, "Come, I'll get us some Kleenex."
Scott nodded, wiping his eyes with his wrist, and, after the two of them had removed their shoes and tossed their jackets on the floor, followed Josh through the decorated hallway and into a large kitchen. Josh walked over and pulled several tissues from a box next to the sink and, handing a couple to Scott, he kept a few for himself and blew his nose and wiped his eyes, while Scott did the same.
As Josh took their tissues over to the garbage pail, Scott looked around the room, his eyes wide as he took in as much detail as he could, through his still-blurry vision.
Josh sniffled back the remainder of his tears and said, "It's nice, isn't it?"
Scott turned to him and smiled, "Yeah. It's just so...so...homey. I mean, we're on tour so much that...well...we don't get a chance to go home much and this place looks very...warm."
Josh laughed and walked over to the kitchen table, pulling up a chair and plopping down in it. Scott followed his lead and sat in a chair next to him.
Turning to the guitarist, Josh coughed and said, "Well, my mom always loves telling me about how she'd always dreamed of having the perfect house when she could afford it. She said that her husband or her kids weren't even going to stand in her way, so, when we moved out of the apartment in South Keys and found this place, my mom immediately bought it, even though she'll be paying the mortgage until she's, like, eighty. She decorated it and..."
Josh trailed off and giggled. Scott looked at him strangely, "What? What's wrong?"
Josh shrugged, "I'm so sorry...I'm probably boring the shit out of you."
Scott shook his head and smiled, "Actually, no. I find you very interesting, Josh. Please finish."
Josh sighed and, smiling continued, "Well, anyway, she decorated it like she wanted to and...well...that's my house. Want the tour?"
Scott stood up quickly and nodded. Josh stood up as well and, motioning around the room with her arm, he said, "Well, obviously, this is the kitchen."
Taking a few steps across the room, with Scott following close behind, he pointed toward the door from where they came and said, "And through there, as you know, is the main hallway, another thing that my mom spent a lot of time decorating, and the vestibule, leading out the front door."
Scott nodded, genuinely interested, and followed Josh as they walked through the doorway and down the main hallway, turning off at the corner, "Over there is the bathroom and the door the basement. It's a guest bathroom and it's kept like an operating room, so don't use it, because...well...don't use it. The basement is, basically, my dad's office. He's a social worker who works out of Parliament a lot, so the room is stacked high with his files and other secret shit. He doesn't like me going down there, especially when he's not around."
Scott could see the bathroom somewhat, through the ajar door and saw that it seemed to be floored with tiles that shone so brightly white, that they were almost blinding. Especially with the sunlight shining off them from a window.
From there, Scott followed Josh back around the corner and over to a large room next to the vestibule.
"This is the sitting room." Josh explained, "I have no idea why it's called that, because, like, nobody is allowed to sit on any of the couches. It's another room like the guest bathroom, I guess."
Scott laughed, "So, which rooms are you allowed in?"
Josh smirked, "Well, the kitchen and most of the upstairs, where I'll show you right now."
With that, Josh turned around and led Scott up a flight of stairs in the corner, made of polished wood with the steps each covered by a small ornate carpet. At the top, it seemed to Scott as if they'd entered a part of another house entirely. In contrast to the obsessively clean ground floor, the second floor was totally dishevelled. The carpeting, appearing to be originally cream-coloured, was now a light brown and the wallpaper was peeling off the very top of the walls slightly. Various books and magazines covered the carpet and the whole area smelled of a combination of tomato sauce and cigarettes.
In response to Scott's obvious opinion of the area, Josh said, "Well...ummm...it's usually never this bad. I was going to clean it up before my parents came back. Honest!"
"Sure you were!" Scott answered, smirking.
"Well, anyway," Josh continued, cutting off any further quips by Scott, "My parents room is through the door on the left. It's more matching of the area downstairs. There's a bathroom in there, but...Well..."
"I'm not allowed in your parents room and, so, I'm not allowed to use their bathroom." Scott inserted.
"Right." Josh said, simply, "Anyway, the door straight ahead is my bathroom. You're allowed to use it."
"Gee...Thanks." Scott said sarcastically.
"And finally..." Josh exclaimed, walking toward a door to the right of the wall, "This...is my room."
Josh opened the door and Scott followed him in. Scott gazed around the room with intrigue. The walls were covered in posters of the Moffatts, Hanson and the Backstreet Boys, except for the wall furthest from the door, which had a large Canadian flag on it. The bureau next to the door was littered with old pizza boxes and empty cigarette packages, and had an ashtray that was nearly overflowing with cigarette butts. A backpack was lying half-open on the floor, with several school books and binders lying next to it. Against the far wall, with the flag hanging above it, was a queen-sized bed, unmade, with a pair of jeans and a single sock lying on top of it. Next to the bed was another small desk, which was fairly clean and bare, except for an open binder, a pencil holder and a globe. Above the desk was several shelves containing various books and encyclopaedias.
"What do you think?" Josh asked.
Scott shrugged, "It's kinda messy."
Josh laughed and shoved the clothes off his bed and tossed the pizza boxes outside of his room with a "I'll throw them out later!" stated in response.
"Better." Scott said, smiling, then turned to Josh and said, "Ummm..I had a question for you."
Josh sat down on his bed and looked up at Scott, smiling, "What's up, dude?"
Scott sat down next to him and said, "Well...ummm...You said that you've been with other guys, so I was...I mean...Are you...okay?"
Josh smiled and put his hand on Scott's shoulder, "It's cool, Scott. I was feeling kinda sick a few months ago and I got sorta scared, but I got myself tested...you know, for AIDS and stuff, and everything was okay."
Scott nodded, "And you haven't...you know...been with a guy in...I mean..."
"A while, Scott." Josh said, "It's been several months."
Scott nodded again.
Josh smiled at Scott, "Why are you asking?"
Scott blushed and shrugged, "Well...I mean...If we...you know..."
Josh lifted his hand of Scott's shoulder and brushed the hair away from Scott's face, stroking his cheek in the process, "You're wondering if I'm okay to have sex with, right?"
Scott hesitated for a moment before nodding.
Josh shrugged, "It's totally up to you, Scotty. I mean, if you don't want to do anything, then that's cool."
Scott leaned forward slowly and brushed his lips gently against Josh's, before reaching forward and brushing the hair away from Josh's face with his hand. Whispering, Scott said, "But I want to."
Josh smiled and whispered, "That's cool too."
Leaning forward the two boys kissed again, holding each other while they sat on the bed together. After several seconds, Josh pulled back and, smiling, grabbed the base of his shirt and pulled it up and over his head. His stomach was thin and his pecs were slightly defined, with small droplets of sweat glistening all over his torso.
Scott looked at him dreamily, Josh's long hair framing his face and making whispering contact with the tops of his chest, and shook his head, "You look...beautiful."
Josh smiled and nodded, before saying, "Now you."
Scott nodded and slowly reached down and gripped his shirt, pulling it up over his head. Scott's chest and stomach were thin as well, but his muscles weren't as defined.
Josh looked at him approvingly and smiled, "You're incredible, Scotty."
Scott blushed slightly and brushed the blond-streaked strands of hair out of his face.
Josh leaned forward and, smiling, whispered, "Now, Scotty, tell me the truth...I make you horny, don't I?"
Scott giggled and nodded, "Uh huh."
Josh looked down and rubbed his hand lovingly over the large lump at the front of Scott's Jeans. Looking up at Scott, he saw the look of lust on his face as he stroked the impression of Scott's stiff boyhood through his tight pants.
"Wanna know a secret, sexy?" Josh whispered.
Scott swallowed hard, his body squirming in reaction to Josh's ministrations.
Josh leaned in and licked a long, wet trail up Scott's ear. Scott panted in response and reached down, putting his hands on Josh's and feeling as the sexy boy stroked him tenderly.
"You make me horny too." Josh whispered, his mouth inches away from Scott's earlobe.
Scott turned to Josh, a look of desperate lust in his brown eyes, and said softly, "Josh..."
Josh looked at Scott, an equal amount of lust in his eyes, and replied huskily, "Scott..."
Scott leaned in toward Josh and reached out his hand, stroking Josh's chest gently.
Looking at Josh, Scott cocked his head and begged, "Please fuck me, Josh."
Josh nodded, total seriousness on his face, and replied, "Okay."
To be continued....
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