Borrowed Time

Borrowed Time by Traumarei

Part 7. Messed Up

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction.

The end of Jerry's freshman year, things got really messed up. At first, though, it looked like it was going to be a good thing.

It started early in April, when Karl called him up after school one day to say his folks would be going out of town for a weekend later that month and ask if he could stay over at Jerry's house while they were gone. Jerry quickly agreed, thinking this must mean that Karl wanted to fool around some. He thought it was kind of weird that Karl didn't want Jerry to over to his house, but then he remembered that Karl was the only one of them who had never had the guys over to jack off, even including Asshole Trevor. He shrugged. Maybe Karl just felt weird about doing stuff in his house, if his folks were all that religious.

A couple of days later, Jerry saw Karl at school and started to say something to him about the sleepover. Karl got a kind of desperate look on his face and quickly walked away. That night, though, he called up again, just to make sure things were still on. He apologized for cutting Jerry off, and said he just didn't want to talk about it at school. He also asked Jerry not to mention the sleepover to any of the other guys, which Jerry thought was very odd until he remembered Dale's speculations about Karl's orientation. Maybe he's gay, Jerry thought, and wants to talk to me about it without any of the other guys getting an idea. It gave him a warm feeling inside, that Karl might want to talk to him about it instead of any of the others--even if it was because he thought Jerry was the only other gay guy in the group.

Friday afternoon came. After stopping by at his house to pick up things, Karl came by. No one else was home.

Jerry didn't waste any time. "So, want to mess around some?" He wanted to do blow jobs again, but figured after last time it would be better to start a little more cautiously. Hopefully, there would be time for that later in the weekend.

"Sure!" Karl seemed enthusiastic enough, but Jerry thought he sounded a bit nervous.

Quickly they each shucked their shoes and socks, pulled down their jeans and underwear, and started stroking. Jerry offered Karl some vegetable oil that he kept in a small bottle by his bed to use for lube. He couldn't remember if Karl had been there any of the times Jerry had brought lube for using with the other guys.

"Want some?"

"Sure." The other boy poured a few drops into the palm of his hand, then cupped it around his hardon. "Wow! That feels great." He stroked a few times.

"Want me to do you?" Jerry thought maybe it was a little early still, but he couldn't keep from offering.

Karl hesitated. "Okay," he finally said.

Jerry poured some oil on his hand, then moved over to grasp Karl's erection. Slowly, he pulled up and down. "Wow," Karl said again. "That feels really--really--good--with the oil." He was panting as he spoke, lying back against the pillows on the bed as Jerry leaned over him.

"Yeah. It's great," said Jerry absently. He was using both hands on Karl now, concentrating on stroking different spots, individually and in combination, and seeing how Karl reacted. He didn't particularly want to make this a long one--better, he thought, to get it over with, and then they could have more fun later on.

"Oh, God. Oh, Christ. Shit! I--" And suddenly Karl thrust his cock violently upwards into Jerry's oil-slicked hands and fountained upward, shooting his cum up onto his chest. Jerry kept stroking even as Karl twitched his way through his orgasm, even though his cock clearly had become much more sensitive as soon as he started shooting.

"Oh, God," the other boy said weakly at last. "That came way before I expected."

"Yeah. It sneaks up sometimes on you, with the lube." Jerry grinned, and stroked him again.

"Christ, don't do that. It's just too fucking sensitive." He grinned back. "Maybe a little while later."

"Sure. We've got all weekend."

Jerry, meanwhile, became aware again of his own cock, now straining for attention. He reached a hand down to start stroking.

"If you can wait a couple of minutes, I'll do you."

Jerry, more than happy with that idea, removed his hand from his cock and leaned back. "I wonder why boys ever stop doing this," he wondered out loud, just to make conversation.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, stroking off. Stroking off with other guys. It's--I mean, shit," he gestured, trying to explain his thoughts. "Look at what all Paul goes through with that girlfriend he has, Tonya what-the-fuck. I mean, I guess she's fun and all, but it seems like an awful lot of work. I heard him tell Dale that she gives lousy blow jobs, too. Can't remember to keep her teeth covered."

This was stuff Jerry had been wondering about for a while. He didn't think it had anything to do with being gay, except maybe that being gay, he couldn't understand what the big attraction was of putting up with all the hassle that came with girls. He'd wanted to ask one of his straight friends, but had been afraid of how it would sound. Now that he'd finally started talking about it, it all seemed to just pour out without any conscious choice on his part.

"I mean, I'm not gay." He still figured he'd better say that, just in case. "But a guy, like, knows how to make another guy feel good. There's nothing gay about it." He wondered if he was trying to convince Karl. He sure as hell knew that there was something gay about it when he did it.

"I figure there'd be way less girls getting pregnant if more guys would just have fun with each other." And that was more than enough of that.

"Yeah," Karl said. His eyes were starting to get glazed again with lust. And suddenly Jerry knew that Karl was definitely gay, at least some, even if he didn't know it yet.

"Want me--" He cleared his throat. "Want me to do you now?"

"Sure!"

Jerry leaned back, while Karl put some more vegetable oil on his hands. Then he started stroking Jerry.

Karl wasn't very good at it, actually--he hadn't used lube, or at least this lube, often enough to get a feel for how it changed things for the guy who was feeling it. Still, the fact that it was another guy doing it made it good. It had been months since Jerry had felt another guy's hand on his cock. He was surprised at how warm and comfortable it made him feel inside. Happy. He had missed this.

He looked up at Karl and saw the other boy looking down at him, still with desire on his face but also a hint of shyness as well. He smiled reassuringly at Karl. Karl grinned back, and then moved his hand down to press against the spot below Jerry's balls, where the muscles went down toward his asshole. Jerry arched his back in surprise.

"I tried that, after, you know, the blow job you gave me last time, when you, uh, tickled my," he drew a deep breath, "my balls. That felt so good. Did you, um, like it?"

"Karl, you're a fucking moron if you have to ask that question." Jerry grinned up at him.

Then Karl did something Jerry hadn't expected. He leaned down and took an inch or so of Jerry's cock into his mouth.

Jerry gasped. With one hand, Karl held onto the base of his cock. With the other, he pressed again against the skin below Jerry's cock. Then, awkwardly, he started bobbing up and down on Jerry's cock.

Oh, God. Even with how inexperienced Karl was, the feeling was really, really great. Jerry wondered if it was all just the physical sensation, or if being gay made him like it more because it was another boy's mouth. The thought of that made his cock stiffen further, and he realized he was beginning to start into the home stretch.

"Karl." The other boy ignored him. "Karl!" He looked up and met Jerry's eyes, but kept bobbing up and down on his cock. "If you keep doing this, I'm--oh, SHIT!--going to cum really, really soon." Karl grinned at him and licked at the bottom of his cock. Jerry could feel that at the same time he was sucking on him, Karl was also now thrusting against the bedclothes.

"I--oh, Christ!--" And Jerry was cumming into Karl's mouth, while Karl tried to swallow.

The feeling was too big to keep inside himself. Jerry turned partway and reached his hand down toward Karl's cock. As soon as he gripped it, he felt Karl stiffening in a second orgasm, with squirt after squirt pouring out over Jerry's hand and onto the bedclothes.

They lay there for a couple of minutes, both panting. Jerry felt about as happy as he had ever felt before. "What a mess," he finally said, chuckling.

Beside him, he felt Karl stiffening. "Oh, God," the other boy moaned. He didn't sound happy.

Suddenly Jerry was concerned. "Karl? Karl, what's wrong?" He sat up, grabbed a towel, and started cleaning up his own hand and where Karl had shot on the bed, along with some places where Jerry's cum had leaked out of Karl's mouth onto Jerry's stomach and pubes.

"Oh, God," Karl moaned again. Jerry, stunned, saw tears start to trickle down his face.

"It's okay." He put his hand on the other boy's shoulder, but he tensed up even more. "Karl, whatever it is, it's okay."

The other boy turned so he was facedown on the bed. "No, it's not," he mumbled into the bedclothes.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm--I'm a pervert." Karl's body spasmed in a great sob. "I--I liked that. That's why I came over. I couldn't stop th-thinking about it. About c-cocks, and blow jobs, and g-giving another boy a blow job. I kept jacking off thinking about it. About n-naked guys."

"That's okay," said Jerry, rubbing his shoulder. He didn't really know what else to do. "It's okay to be gay."

Karl lifted up his head. "I'm not gay." Jerry could only look at him, astounded.

"I'm not gay! I'm not a faggot! You're the faggot." His eyes narrowed. "You're the one who made me this way. It wasn't till you gave me that blow job that I started thinking that way."

Jerry just looked at him for a minute. Karl's face was red, and got redder while Jerry was watching. He looked furious.

"Liar." Karl's eyes widened. Apparently he hadn't expected Jerry to argue back. Seizing the offensive, he continued. "You've been thinking about guys and blow jobs ever since seventh grade." From the expression on Karl's face, he knew he had scored a hit. "I didn't know what those looks meant that you kept giving Dale when he was jacking off, but I sure as shit know what they mean now."

The anger on Karl's face changed to a look of horror. Dimly, in the back of his mind, Jerry found himself surprised that the other boy hadn't started pounding him yet. Apparently he wasn't as purely angry as he looked. "Oh, God! Dale! You can't tell him."

Jerry laughed. "He fucking knows already. He told me six months ago that you were gay." Well, sort of.

The expression on Karl's face got worse. "I can't--you can't--"

Jerry shook his head. "You're really messed up, dude. You need to talk to someone about this." He thought back on how it was when he first realized he was gay. Bad as it had been, it could have been a lot worse. Listening and looking at Karl told him that. "Dude, I'm gay too," he said. He wasn't sure it was a good idea, but he felt like he had to tell him. "But I never was as messed up about it as you are. You need to talk to someone."

Karl still looked horrified. "I can't--my parents--"

"There's places you can go to talk to people about what you're feeling where they won't tell your folks." But Karl was shaking his head.

"No! I can't do it."

Karl took several deep breaths. Slowly, he stopped shuddering, and seemed to become calmer. Then he looked over at Jerry. "I'm really, really sorry I put you through this. Most of the time, I'm--I've come to realize--I know I'm gay." Jerry had his doubts about that, but didn't say anything. "But sometimes it hits me, you know? It's just--hard. And my parents would shit themselves if they knew that I thought I was gay." He snorted. "Hell, they'd shit themselves if they knew I cuss like this when they're not around."

Jerry felt exhausted. In the last hour, he figured Karl had gone through more emotions than he used up in several days. It was like a fucking soap opera. But what could he do? "I still think you need help, dude. This yo-yo think you're doing, it's not really normal. But okay," he said, holding up his hands as Karl started to scowl. "I've said my bit. Let's go outside and shoot some hoops, okay?" Anything to get them out of the house and into their clothes, and out of this freaky conversation.

Maybe I'm a bad person, he thought, as they were pulling their clothes on. Maybe I should try harder to understand. But, fuck. This is all screwed up. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Not to mention that Karl could plaster me if he got really mad. He shook his head.

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They played games outdoors the rest of the afternoon, then showered--separately--and had dinner with Jerry's family. Karl was very polite--probably the most polite friend Jerry had ever invited over--and clearly made a good impression on everyone, including Jerry's little sister, who laughed and talked at him pretty much nonstop. Jerry had to admit that Karl was good at paying attention to the little twerp.

That night they bunked down together in the downstairs TV room and watched several movies until it got late. The last movie, they watched from inside their sleeping bags. Jerry was just drifting off to sleep when he heard a rustle, and the unzipping of a bag. A few seconds later, Karl was leaning down next to him.

"I'm really horny again," he whispered. "Can I give you another blow job?"

This is all fucked up, Jerry thought. Still, better to play along with it. And a blow job was a blow job. "Sure," he sighed. He zipped down his own sleeping bag, then got up and locked the door. "Precautions," he said. "Just in case." He lay back down again on the bag.

They both stripped completely naked this time. Karl started to give him a blow job, but it didn't work too well since he was also trying to get himself off at the same time. Finally, he had Karl turn around so that his cock was up by Jerry's face, so that Jerry could stroke him off slowly while he sucked on Jerry's cock. He didn't want to try his first real 69 in the dark, with someone as inexperienced as Karl.

Karl was really horny. Long before Jerry felt ready to shoot, he felt Karl's muscles clenching. Quickly he put his mouth over Karl's cock to catch the cum--he didn't much care for the taste, still, but at least it was a way to keep from making a mess. He figured he might as well swallow it--it wasn't like he was trying to hide the fact that he was gay from Karl.

A minute later his resolve shattered. "Fuck you!" he halfway yelled, spitting Karl's cock out of his mouth. In the grip of his orgasm, Karl had lost track of what he was doing. It felt as if he was chewing on Jerry's cock, like a dog with a bone.

That's one excellent reason not to do a 69, Jerry thought to himself.

Karl, of course, was still pumping cum, which had now gotten all over Jerry, his face, and the sleeping bag. Jerry was disgusted. What would go wrong next? Ignoring Karl's apologies, he got up and got a a towel out of the downstairs bathroom--dripping cum on the floor as he went--then switched on the light and did his best to clean Karl's cum off the carpet and sleeping bag.

"Thanks a lot, asshole," he murmured. His dick was completely limp, and he wasn't in any mood for messing around anymore. Karl quietly apologized again, while Jerry climbed into his own sleeping bag. At least the wet spot was on the outside, he thought. As he drifted off to sleep, he thought he saw Karl kneeling beside his sleeping bag and muttering something. Prayers. Oh, God, he thought. This kid is so messed up.

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The next day Jerry did his best to keep all their activities public--outdoors, as much as he could--and fully clothed. Karl seemed anxious to do the same. Things went okay until that night, when they were getting ready for bed--once again, in the downstairs TV room.

"Jer?"

"Yeah?" Jerry's voice was flat and unencouraging.

"I'd, um, I'd really like to..."

Jerry sighed. Christ.

"--I mean, if you're okay with it, I--"

"Just fucking shut up, okay?" Karl shut up. Seeing the look on his face, though, Jerry relented. "All right. Christ. I can't believe I'm doing this. Okay, you get naked and lie down on the sleeping bag. Jesus Christ. I'll get the vegetable oil. After last night, I don't want you anywhere near my cock while you're coming off, so I'll just do you, okay?"

"Okay." Karl's voice was subdued.

Jerry took a long time taking care of Karl, stroking his skin and rubbing his nipples and playing gently with his cock and balls. Karl gasped in surprise when Jerry started kissing his neck and chest his sides, though from his sighs it seemed clear that he liked it. What the hell, Jerry thought. He's gay, and so am I. I might as well kiss him if I want to.

He finished up with a slow, gentle blow job. Afterwards he cuddled with Karl while the other boy went through his guilt phase, telling him he was a beautiful and sexy guy and other guys would all want to be with him. It was true, too, he thought, so long as they didn't realize how messed up Karl was. Then it was his turn, as Karl stroked him off, ending with a blow job the last minute or two. They slept with Karl wrapped all around Jerry that night.

The following day--Sunday--they slept in. After a late combination breakfast and lunch, they played video games for a couple of hours. Then Karl said he had to leave. He told Jerry that his parents thought he'd been staying at home the weekend, and so he needed to make sure he was back well before they got back from their trip.

"I even made sure that the phone was accidentally disconnected, in case they tried to call home while I was here and I didn't answer. I've got an alibi." Jerry just shook his head. It was hard for him to imagine having to go to that much trouble just to have a sleepover at someone else's house.

Jerry walked him home. They talked as they went.

"Thanks," Karl said. "For everything. You're--you're right, you know. This stuff--" He kicked against the sidewalk. "This shit has to stop. I'm like a fucking yo-yo, just like you said."

Jerry shook his head. "You can't be like this, Karl. Half the time things are cool, and the other half things are crazy. Somehow, you need to mellow." He paused. "Either decide you're not gonna be gay, and stick with that, or get to feeling better about being gay."

"I don't think I can stop being gay," Karl said softly.

"Then get over it. Have fun. Jack off with guys. Give blow jobs. Whatever you want. Just don't get so freaky weird about it afterwards."

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For about three weeks after the sleepover, it looked like Karl was avoiding Jerry. It was hard to tell, since for the most part they didn't share the same schedules or spend time with the same group of friends.

Then Jerry came home one Sunday from checking out some things in the library, only to find his dad waiting for him. He'd gotten a call from the Westergrens, he said. It took a minute for Jerry to remember that was Karl's last name.

He started to get a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

His dad said that Karl's dad had said something about a gay sex ring they'd found out about, that Karl and some of his friends were involved in. They'd called Jerry's parents to let them know, since Karl said he had been involved.

As Jerry listened, his emotions changed from dread to an intense anger. After what Karl had said and done, how DARE he go telling other people about the guys' jackoff sessions. Outing him to his parents. By the time his dad was done talking, he knew what he had to say.

Yes, he and his friends had gotten together to jerk off together sometimes, and had jerked each other off. (He knew he wouldn't get in trouble for saying this; his dad had said it was pretty normal for boys to experiment like this, in a way that made Jerry think his dad had probably done so himself at his age.) There hadn't ever been anyone else but just their little group of friends. (His conscience twinged a bit, thinking of the jackoff club, but he firmly smothered it.) Obviously, Karl had been one of the boys he'd done things with. His dad could probably guess who the others were, but he didn't want to say.

No, they'd never done anything except jerking each other off. (Bigger twinge.) They'd stopped doing it pretty much when they started high school. (Well, sort of.) No, he didn't think any of the guys were gay. He knew that several of them were dating girls now, or thinking about dating girls. (At the time, he was proud of himself of dodging the issue of whether he himself was gay. Later he found out that his dad had noticed it as well.)

Yeah, Karl had tried something with him during their sleepover. (True, but misleading.) He hadn't raised a fuss about it at the time because he thought it wasn't that big a deal. He'd never done anything with Karl that Karl didn't want to do. (Wasn't that the truth.)

Afterwards, his dad ruffled his hair (he tried to control his wince) and said Jerry was a good kid, and that it didn't sound like there was anything really they needed to worry about. Maybe it would be a good idea not to do things like that in the future with Karl, even if the other boy said he wanted to. Then he ambled off, muttering something under his breath about born-again Christian assholes.

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The fallout from what happened with Karl affected the guys in different ways.

Karl didn't show up at school again that year. Dale told him that Karl had been withdrawn for the rest of the school year, and that he'd be going to a Christian summer camp for boys who were confused about their gender identity.

Paul's parents--also according to Dale--asked him a couple of questions, then pretty much ignored it. From what Dale said, though, it sounded like Paul was intensely embarrassed about the whole thing. He wouldn't talk about it, or talk at all to anyone from the group of guys for that matter--except for Dale, who was his best friend and was on the same sports team with him. His strategy seemed to be to tough it out and show just how straight he was by making out with his girlfriend as much as she would let him in public.

Jerry had no idea what, if anything, happened with Trevor, who had started hanging out with the hard-core violent types at school and whom he hardly ever saw anymore. He guessed that maybe Karl wouldn't have mentioned Trevor, since he hadn't done any of the group sex stuff with them for a long time.

Jimmy had what Jerry thought was the astonishingly good fortune to move away to California with his family just before the end of the school year. He wasn't sure, but he thought Jimmy was gone before Karl's family started throwing accusations around.

Dale's description of what happened when Karl's dad called up his folks was the only time Jerry really felt like laughing during the whole thing. Jerry had told Dale all about the weekend from schizophrenia, as he called it, right after it happened--just to have someone to talk about it with. Dale had agreed that it was really messed up, but reminded Jerry that he had warned him about Karl freaking out. He also said that it was better if Jerry didn't try to talk to Karl, but just left him alone to work things out on his own. Jerry was fine with that.

The way Dale described it, when Karl's dad called, Dale's dad--who was a high-priced lawyer specializing in litigation--had sat there listening for a couple of minutes. Finally, he spoke. "You're telling me," he said, in a clipped tone Dale did his best to imitate, "that you're calling people, based solely on your interpretation of what your son said, and making accusations in which you name my son as an accomplice in a sex crime?" He paused, then spoke again. "Mr. Westergren, I am a lawyer. I make my living suing people, and I'm very good at what I do. If I ever hear of you or your family mentioning my son in this connection again, I will see you in court, for violation of a dozen statutes having to do with privacy, libel, and harassment of a minor. Then I will start complaints aimed at getting you declared unfit parents and your children taken from your custody. Is that clear?"

He waited again, longer this time. Finally he spoke. "Mr. Westergren, I thank you for sharing your personal views about public morality. Let me make this clear. If you mention my son, at all, in any connection, I will destroy you. If your pastor mentions my son in any connection I will sue your pastor and your church for everything it is worth, and when that is done I will sue the church members. The same holds true for any accusations you may make about any other minor who is not a member of your family. I think that concludes any necessary business between us."

Then he hung up, and looked at Dale. "I can't really do all that, you know," he said then. "But I'll do whatever I can to keep those assholes from ruining your lives. Just--try to keep a low profile, okay?"

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Later on--more than a year later, after Karl was back in school and things had calmed down enough that he and Jerry were able to have a conversation without Jerry wanting to belt him, even if it would have meant suicide--Jerry found out that a lot of what Karl's parents had said hadn't come from Karl at all. He'd been trying to talk to his folks and his pastor about the feelings he'd been having, after they found him masturbating in his room one time. They'd cross-examined him on how he could know he was homosexual, and insisted on knowing whether he'd ever done anything sexually with another boy. Then one of them remembered his after-school get-togethers with the guys. By that time he'd been so confused that he just blurted out a lot of what the guys had done together.

Somehow, his parents had gotten the idea that Jerry and Dale were the ringleaders, and that Jimmy, Karl, and Paul had all been dragged into it. (Trevor hadn't been mentioned.) Jerry had to laugh at that. Karl guessed it was because he'd found out about Karl's sleepover with Jerry--at least that it had happened, and that some sex stuff had occurred during it--and about Karl's crush on Dale.

Karl could say the part about having a crush on Dale now, without any more reaction than a violent blush.

Karl still was having a hard time with things. He had pretty much come to accept the fact that he was gay, but he told his parents that being homosexual was just a phase, and that he didn't feel that way anymore.

They never stopped being suspicious of who he hung out with, but despite that they let him get out at times. Partway through Karl's junior year, he started going to a biology club at the university--which he used as a cover for going to the campus gay social group. After a few weeks, he started going out with a college sophomore. Jerry thought it was really stupid, but he didn't say anything. He was just glad he wasn't Karl's boyfriend.

(c) 2008 by Traumarei. All rights reserved.

Author's note: So what do you think? Pretty rough on Karl...

With the last segment here (talking about what happened with Karl), I've jumped ahead in the timeline. I'll be jumping back to talk about what happened to Jerry after his freshman year in the next (and quite probably final) episode.

On other matters:

I don't know the law, and I don't know what (if anything) Dale's dad could have done. Certainly I would hope that making accusations like that about other people's kids could have negative consequences. I also hope that scenarios like Karl's are becoming less common as time passes, though that may be too optimistic.

A lot of stories on Nifty bash religion. I don't want to join the bandwagon here... too much... I figure that in Karl's case, part of the problem is his parents; part is his own interpretation of the religious beliefs he's been raised with; and a big part of it is the hormone stew and all the other weirdness that makes adolescents borderline-crazy a lot of the time, simply by virtue of being the age they are (and having to spend most of their time with other adolescents). Putting on my author thinking cap... at a guess I'd say that of the characters in this story, both Paul and Jimmy (in addition to Karl, of course) come from at least borderline-religious households, but with a considerably more tolerant view of adolescent sexuality of all kinds.

Other stories I've had posted on Nifty include:

• After School (Gay: Masturbation) and After School with Friends (cross-referenced with Gay: Young Friends)

• Church Overnighter (Gay: Young Friends)

• Good Friends (Gay: High School)

• Little Brother (Gay: Incest)

• Middle School Empath (Gay: Science Fiction or Fantasy)

• Old Pornographer (Gay: Masturbation)