Brad

The next morning, Tuesday was a holiday of some sort, I don't remember which- all I know is that it meant I could sleep in on a weekday. Who or what historical event it commemorated was beside the point. Actually, I think it was a teacher in-service day. I was lying in bed, my mind blank. I just laid on my side looking out the window. The limbs of the elm tree beyond the pool waved lazily in the early morning light. Even though I could sleep in, my body was already awake out of habit. While I had the day off, my parents did not, so I knew they had already left for work. My sister was always gone. I think she disliked living here. I didn't mind. My parents drove me crazy sometimes, but I was used to it. The doorbell rang. I rolled over and looked at the clock. 9:15. Who the hell could that be? I rolled out of bed, slid on a pair of running shorts and padded down the stairs in my sock feet, wearing that, and a threadbare T-shirt that said, "I got my crabs at A.W. Shucks."

I opened the door without even looking to see who it was. I looked around and didn't see anything or anyone. Then I looked down and saw a small clay pot with flowers in it. White roses...real ones. I looked around and didn't see anything out of the ordinary. No one hiding in the bushes or out of place cars parked on the street. I bent down. There was no note, but I knew who they were from and why they were there. Matt was sorry. He wanted to apologize for being a stupid jerk- a role he could play so well. Well, I wasn't biting. I turned around and went into the house. I put the flowers on the kitchen table and went back to bed. I laid there brooding, an activity I had recently mastered.

The phone rang. The hell if I was answering it. The machine downstairs came on. The volume was turned way up so I could hear everything.

"Andrew...this is Jared. Man, I haven't seen you in weeks. Where have you been hiding?"

I picked up my extension. "Jared! Holy shit! Where've you been?"

"Nowhere...it's just that all of a sudden you disappeared. I thought you might have dropped off the face of the earth or something."

I sat back on the bed.

"No, I'm still here. Just been busy, that's all."

"Are you busy today?"

"Nope. You?"

"Nope. Do you want to go do something?"

"Like what?"

"I don't care...something to get me out of the house for a few hours."

"That sounds like a plan."

Jared was one of my best friends, and he was definitely one of my oldest. We'd grown apart a couple of years ago, but before then, we'd been like brothers since daycare. I couldn't remember when I met Jared. My mother said that we had been friends since before we could walk. I was relieved to hear his voice. He was one of the people that I could count on to help me out in a tight spot. I suddenly felt guilty for basically ignoring my other friends over Matt and Brad. It was good to know they hadn't forgotten me.

"You know where I live. Come over." I said.

"Be there in a few."

This day may be salvageable after all. We made sandwiches for lunch, the camped out in front of the TV and watched a movie.

"Can I ask you a question?" Jared asked as the credits were going off at the end.

"Sure, why not?"

"You've been acting weird lately."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"How so?"

"Well, Casey told me about what happened with Brad during chem lab. Him getting all pissy at you."

"Casey's not in Chem lab."

"No, but Marshall is."

"So?"

"You don't know?"

"Know what?"

"Casey and Marshall are dating."

"Holy shit, dude. If Marshall can get a girlfriend, there's hope for us all."

"Seriously."

"What'd Casey say happened?"

"Not much, just that Brad was pissed as hell with you about something. Man, what'd you do?"

"Nothing."

"Yeah right. "

"What?"

"Drewsyboy, I know you. Now come on, what'd you do to get Brad that fired up?"

"Nothing, I swear."

"Liar."

"Do you really want to know?"

"You know I do."

"Can you keep a secret?"

"If I don't, you can tell my Mom about me and Lyndsay Hanahan in the back of our minivan."

"I fucked him."

"Cool, how'd you do that?"

"What do you mean?"

"How'd you fuck him over?"

"I mean I fucked him. I pulled down his pants, took out my cock and shoved it up his ass."

Jared looked startled. Then a slight smile started creeping across his face. He got a twinkle in his eye. Then he busted out laughing.

"Quit screwing around, seriously, what'd you do?"

I just returned his look, only I was less amused. Jared's eyes widened as the realization that I was serious sank in.

"Geez, Drewsyboy. I guess you really fucked up" and he went back to cackling like a madman. I just sat there. Jared still didn't believe me.

"I'm serious." I said.

After a moment, he calmed down enough to look me in the eye.

"Oh dude, you had anal sex with Brad?" His face screwed up in mock disgust. "Brad? But his so skinny and gangly."

"So?"

"Well, your Mom always said that there was no accounting for taste."

"She was referring to you." I said playfully.

He grinned. "Brad?"

"Who would you rather me be with?"

"I don't know...Orlando Bloom..."

"What's wrong with Brad?" I asked.

"It's like Emilio Estevez screwing Anthony Michael Hall on the set of The Breakfast Club."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes.

"So are you gay? bi? what?"

"I'm gay, I guess."

"Whoa. I hadn't pegged you as being gay. Not exactly a straight arrow, but not a fairy."

"I'm not a fairy."

"I know. Sorry."

"So are you and Brad a couple?"

"No."

"Ahhh, but there is someone and Brad's a jealous little shit." He said waving his finger in the air.

I couldn't help but grin. Was I really that obvious?

"Who's the offending party?"

"Part of it is that my mom prefers the other guy."

"Your MOM knows?"

"Yeah. Dad and Mel too."

"Geez. How long are you going to hide it from the rest of the world?"

"As long as physically possible."

"You're dodging the question."

"What?"

"Who's 'the other guy'?"

"Matt McConnelly."

Jared's eyes almost popped out of his head. He was so bug eyed it was painful to look at him. He clasped his hand over his mouth to stifle a gasp of shock

"Matt McConnelly. The Matt McConnelly, the baseball player?"

"That'd be the one."

"Shit... fuck... damn." Jared sputtered.

"Are you and Matt a couple?"

"Not anymore."

"Why not?"

"He dumped me."

"Figures."

"What do you mean?"

"Matt's not known for being the most nicest most wonderfullest person in the world."

"How do you know?"

"Hello...bat boy." Jared said waving to me.

"You're the bat boy?"

"Team manager," he corrected. "You and Matt. That's better. Matt's more your style."

"What do you mean?"

"Stylish, athletic, hot as hell."

"You notice stuff like that?"

"I have eyes, don't I?"

"Are you gay?"

"No, but I still pay attention. After all, I've got to keep tabs on the competition." He grinned broadly.

"What'd you mean about Matt not being all that wonderful?"

"Nothing much, he's just a snotty prick. Pretends he's better than anyone. When it comes to our baseball team, he is the best we've got. After all, he was captain of the state all-star team last year."

"He was?"

"Anyway, so he thinks he's the shit, but I know better. He's just an insecure bastard who thinks money will get him whatever or whoever he wants. Plus he's got the looks to back it up."

"So, he's my style huh?"

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just that the image of you two together doesn't make my lunch go all acidic."

"Brad's not that bad."

"He's a bit prissy, don't you think? Strutting around in all his neatness and holier than thou attitude."

Jared could always be counted on for a reality check and he was one of the few who could get away with it. I've have kicked the shit out of most anybody else for bad mouthing Matt or Brad like that.

"So, have you and Matt...you know... had sex?"

"Yeah."

"Really? Was he good?"

"I guess so."

"So, no. With sex, there's no 'guess so.'"

"Are you kidding? He was great...fantastic...every time."

"So, you've done this a lot?"

"I wouldn't say 'a lot' but yeah."

"Anybody else?"

"No. Who've you been doing lately?"

"Nobody. I've hit a dry spell. But I'm glad to see your 17 year dry spell is at an end."

"Not half as glad as I am."

"I'll bet. I guess a washcloth is a poor bedmate."

"Yeah, Matt's not 100% cotton and he's interactive."

"So, Brad's not interactive?"

I just shot him a look.

"Guess what else, Drew."

"What?"

"I've been working out."

"Really?"

"Yeah. See?" He sat up on the floor and flexed his arm muscles.

"Cool."

He laid back down on the carpet and stared up at the ceiling. I could tell he was about to ask a serious question. But, for a few more moments he just laid there, he chest rising and falling rhythmically.

"Jared?"

"Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"Drew...can I ask you another question about Brad and Matt?"

"Sure. Ask me anything..."

He laid there a few more minutes. The longer he sat there the more I worried about what he would finally ask.

"Drew, why guys? What is it about guys and sex that turns you on that girls don't?"

"What is it about girls for you?"

He furrowed his brow.

"Everything. I love the way they smell, the way they look, the way they care about me, when Ashley and I were going out, I looked forward to her coming more than I did for my other friends. There was just something about her that got to me. When I would think about her, my heart would flutter, I would get lightheaded and dizzy. I remember the first time I went to pick her up to go out on a date. When the door opened and she was on the other side, my mouth went dry, my face went pale, and I couldn't think of anything to say. The only thing I could do was stare at her eyes."

We both laid on the floor silently for a moment.

"When I think of Matt, I get happy. Not just a sort of ooh cool. I get excited. I get this burst of energy and I feel like running laps around the house. When his face pops into my head, I can barely sit still. The more he drives me crazy, the more I can't stop thinking about him. When he's not around, my body aches for him to come back. When he's here, I have this urge to lock him up and never let him out of my sight again. When we're together, nothing else matters. Like Ashley, it's his eyes. Those deep, mysterious, sea foam green eyes. Sometimes they're gray, like the sky during a storm. In fact, sometimes I can see the storm raging in his eyes. I love the sound of his voice, the cadence of his footsteps, that dazed look he gets after he sneezes, the fact that he cares what my grandmother thinks enough to leave me alone, I love everything about him."

We both just laid there, neither of us knew what to say next.

"But, he dumped you."

"Because Grandma made this schpiel about how I was the Gerrish family miracle baby and yada-yada, so he left me because he did want to come between me and her. This morning, he left white roses on the front porch."

"He did?"

"Yeah."

"Call him."

"What?"

"Call him, tell him whatever you need to get him back."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think I should?"

"Call him, now."

"What if he says 'no'?"

"Then you're no better or worse off than you are right now. But, you know, but maybe he'll say `yes.'"

I got up and went upstairs so Jared wouldn't have to listen to me begging and pleading. This wasn't going to be pretty, but I needed Matt back more than I needed anything else in the world at that moment. I went in to the room and over to my desk. I picked up the receiver, I dial Matt's number from memory. I strange voice came over the phone.

"Hello?"

"Um...Hello, this is Andrew, I'm a friend of Matt's"

"This is Matt's father, why do you need to speak to Matt?"

"I have to ask him something?"

"No...now please do not call our house anymore."

"What's happened to Matt?"

The line went dead. I trudged back downstairs. Jared looked over his should and saw me coming.

"Man, you were gone all of two minutes, you're gonna need to try harder than that."

"He wasn't there."

"Oh, well that sucks."

The phone rang again. I went into the kitchen to answer it.

"Andrew?"

"Yeah?"

"This is Jenna, you've got to help me."

"What's the matter?"

"It's Matt. Somehow, his father found out about the two of you and he's disowned Matt."

"Oh shit. What?"

"I can't figure out exactly what happened. Matt came over here about 2 hours ago. Can you come talk to him? He keeps going on about you. About how you hate him and how you wish he was dead."

"Sure, I'll be right over."

"Jared, I'll explain later, but I've got to go."

"Okay...but it better be good."

"Whatever...I've got to go."

We went outside together, got in our vehicles and drove away. When I got to Jenna's house, she met me at the door.

"Come in."

I walked into the living room. Her house was small and the kitchen was just ahead through an open doorway. I could see Matt's back as he sat at the kitchen table.

"Go away." he said.

"Matt...it's Andy. Can I come in?" I asked from the kitchen door. He was just staring out the bay window into the backyard. Jenna was standing behind me.

"Please don't." He said.

"Matt, what's happened?"

"I don't want to talk to you right now."

"Did you leave the flowers on my front porch?"

"Yeah...sorry."

"For what?"

"Never mind." Matt was hurting and I didn't know how to help him even though I wanted to so badly it hurt.

I walked in and sat at the table across from him. Jenna joined us. Jenna had been friends with both of us for years. She had a major league crush on Matt in the sixth grade. She beat the ambulance to the hospital the day Matt got hit in the head with a baseball during a game. She and I had gone to the movies and were crossing the parking lot when I got hit by a car last summer. She scared the shit out of the little old lady in her Cadillac. Yelling and screaming at her for not paying attention to where she was going. Jenna was another friend that we could count on. I guess that's why Matt came here.

"Andrew?" Jenna said, "Tell me, what's going on with you and Matt?"

"The whole truth?"

"I guess."

"We're lovers."

"Were." Matt corrected. "I dumped you, remember?"

"Matt?" I asked again. "What happened with your father?"

He just sat quietly, staring at the glass of water clenched in his fist.

"He threw me out."

"Just like that?"

"Pretty much."

"Tell me what happened." I said.

"This morning, I came over and put the flowers on your porch, when I got home, my Dad was waiting for me in the den. He said he had something to talk to me about. I said, 'sure.' He asked me if I was dating anyone. I said 'no.' Out of the blue, he asked me if I was gay. I didn't say anything. I was so blown away I didn't know what to say. He asked me 'who is Andrew?' I said that he was my boyfriend. He said, 'I'm going to have to ask you to leave this house.' I asked why. He said because I was dead to him. He said that he couldn't love a faggot son."

Matt closed his eyes. I could see the deep shame those words had caused him.

"Then," Matt continued, "I asked why. He said because queers were dangerous, that they spread disease like rats and flies, and because they are animals. He said that I was already dead, it was just a matter of when and of what. I went outside to the flower garden to talk to my mother but he'd already gotten to her. She and I sat down on a bench in her garden. She put her hand on my knee. I can't believe what she said. She said, 'Matthew, I don't love you.' She said, 'When you're father and I got married, we didn't want any children. We were married several years before I became pregnant with you. I immediately went to a doctor to see about terminating the pregnancy. I didn't want a child. I was not going to be a mother to some snot nosed little brat hanging on my leg all the time. The doctor said that wasn't a legitimate reason and the people in the office refused to do it. By the time we found one who would do the procedure, you were almost full term and your father decided he didn't want me to go through with it. Matthew, I didn't want you then. Now that you are gay, I realized that I'd been right all along, I don't love you and I don't want you to be a part of my life anymore.' What kind of mother says that?"

Neither Jenna nor I could say anything. We just sat in stunned silence as the tears flowed in a torrent down his cheeks and wet the front of his T-shirt. I scooted over next to him and he leaned his head against my shoulder. I could feel the wetness of his tears soaking into my shirt.

I put my fingers under his chin and lifted his face up and I looked into his deep, green, troubled eyes. I brought his lips to mine and I kissed his tear stained face as gently as I could, tasting the saltiness. I pulled back and looked into his eyes.

"Matthew. I love you." Now I was crying too. So was Jenna. Jenna put her hands up to her mouth as the tears came down her cheeks and across her long slender fingers. He cried harder.

"Matthew. I love you more than anything. I love you so much, it hurts."

I kept my gaze on Matt. His eyes were red and bloodshot, his cheeks flush, his nose running, his face contorting from crying. I'd never seen anything so grotesque...or so beautiful. I just wanted to scoop him up in my arms and never let him go. I stood and pulled him up on his feet. I wrapped my arms around him and he rested his head on my shoulder. Now what? I didn't know what to do next, so I just stood there, holding his broken spirited, heaving form. He was so weak, so vulnerable; I was never going to let anyone hurt him again.

I just blurted out, "I love you Matthew, I love you so much. Don't ever leave me again. Please. Please. Don't ever leave me."

He didn't respond, but he did begin to calm down.

"I don't know what I'm going to do...my dad's got a truck and is putting my stuff in a self storage unit. The car is mine, but I can't afford it on my own so I guess I'll just have to sell it. But what am I going to do?"

"I'll talk to my parents and see if you can't stay with us for a while."

"No. I can't let you do that."

"What other options do you have right now?"

"Maybe Jenna can get me set up at the shelter she works at."

"I'm sure it's a nice shelter, but I'd live on the street before I'd let you stay in a shelter."

"I can't let you do that."

"I saw a help wanted sign at the Applebee's across from the movie theater. This Saturday, we'll go get applications together."

He seemed slightly comforted by the fact that I had a plan. He let go and sat back down.

"She wanted to kill you?" Jenna said, in stark disbelief.

"I knew my folks were distant with me. They gave me some money every month and then went on their way but I thought that was their...you know...parenting style. I had no idea. I was never supposed to be alive in the first place...maybe I'm supposed to be dead right now."

"Stop talking like that!" my voice had a heat and an edge to it that surprised me.

The phone rang. Jenna answered. Afterwards, she came back and sat down.

"That was your Mom, Matt. She's contacted a counselor for gay teens. He's on his way right now."

We sat in an awkward silence for a while waiting for the counselor to arrive. What kind of strings must Matt's mom have pulled or check did she write to get a counselor to make a house call and on such short notice. Maybe they'd just over reacted with Matt that morning. About a half an hour passed and we heard a car pull up outside.

"Maybe I should go and let the counselor focus on Matt." I said.

"No, Mrs. McConnelly said that you were to stay put, that the counselor was coming to see you too." Jenna replied.

The doorbell rang. Jenna led the counselor to the kitchen doorway. We turned to look. Rev. Morgan. He looked as surprised as we did.

"Excuse me." He said and turned around and pulled a cell phone from the clip on his belt.

"Hello. Mrs. McConnelly? I'm afraid I can't explain, but I've got a conflict of interest and will be unable to help your son. I will put in him contact with one of my other associates......I've got to go..... goodbye and thank you for calling.....yes....okay.....goodbye."

"No." I said, "I think you're in a good place to help us."

Matt was visibly confused.

"Matt, Jenna, this is Brad's father."

"Oh" they both said in unison. "Hello." he said.

"I'm going to go outside. I'll be by the pool if you need me." Jenna said.

"That's fine." Rev. Morgan said.

Jenna slipped out the back door and walked toward the pool deck.

"So, Andrew. Tell me, how did you come to be here this afternoon?"

"Jenna called me and told me that Matt was upset and wanted me to come try to calm him down."

"Matt, how did you come to be here this afternoon?"

"After what my parents said, I didn't know where to go. After what happened between Drew and I at the beach, I didn't think he'd ever want to speak to me again, and Jenna was the only other person I could think of that I could trust."

"Good. It's important for gay men to have a trustworthy woman to talk to."

We talked to Rev. Morgan for about an hour. I had a new trust and respect for him than I had before.

Thanks for your patience, never fear there's more sex to be had!

Drew - drewseyboy24@excite.com