Brad

Thank God it was finally Saturday. I didn't have anything to do. So, I drove over to the hospital to talk to Matt. He was in a regular room now and could have visitors. I stood outside his closed door for a while deciding whether or not I should go in. A nurse noticed me and asked if she could help.

"I'm fine." I reassured her.

"Are you confused? Who are you looking for?"

"Matthew McConnelly. This is his room. I'm just trying to decide whether or not I should go in."

"Why shouldn't you?"

"He's pissed with me right now; I don't want to make it worse."

"I think you should go in and try to make peace." She said and walked away. She seemed nice.

I opened the door and little and poked my head in. Mrs. McConnelly was sitting in a chair by the bed. Matt was awake and they were talking.

"I'm sorry, I'll come back."

"No." She said coldly. "Come in."

I did and I sat in a chair over in the corner.

"You did this to my son?"

"Yes ma'am. But that's not half as bad as what you said to him."

She just burst into tears without responding verbally. Oops- once again I managed to say just the wrong thing. I just sat in silence as she tried to stifle herself.

"I know what I said to him. I didn't mean it. So much had happened that I just snapped. I've apologized to Matt and it's over."

"Are you okay?" I asked Matt- ignoring her as much as possible.

He just looked at me.

"Go away." Then he turned his head away from me. I just stood there blankly for a moment.

"He asked you to leave."

I turned and left. When I got home, Matt's mom had called and my mother was packing up Matt's things.

"Is he really leaving?"

"Yes. I can't blame him after the way you treated him. At least he's not pressing charges- which he'd be well within his rights to do."

I didn't respond, I just turned and left. How could something that had been so wonderful end so terribly. In just 24 hours, I went from wanting to kiss him forever to damn near killing him. He was confused, his life had fallen horrifically to pieces, his parents hated him, then they didn't, he feared being found out, and to top it all off, his lover bashes his head on the sidewalk- now how's that for a rollercoaster from hell?

I went upstairs and sat in my room. I closed the blinds and sat in an old chair in the dark in a corner. I pulled a blanket around my legs and sat in silence. I was an 18 year old spinster- a tragic figure. The only problem was that I had created my own tragedy and had no one to blame but myself. After a not nearly long enough period of time, there was a knock at the door.

"Come in." I grumbled.

My mother's face appeared at the door. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." I said sadly- intent upon being depressed. She slowly came in and sat on the edge of the bed and faced me, all bundled up in my little corner like an old maid in a nursing home.

"I have no idea what to say." She began, "Except to say that I love you. I don't like what you did to Matt, I don't like that you're gay, I don't even want to think about what you and Matt did to and with each other, but you are my son. I've been thinking about this ever since the incident with Matt's parents and him moving in here. In my job, I've said some hard ass things to people, I've been mean, bitchy, and sometimes downright cruel, but I cannot imagine any mother ever saying that to her child. I don't care if Matt's a 700 pound transsexual lesbian drag queen, he's still her baby. She called here today with this sob story about how she just snapped and over reacted."

My mother stood up and started pacing around the room.

She kept talking, "Over reacted she said. I didn't mean it' she blubbered. I said, oh horse shit of course you meant it' oh and then she did go to bawling. I lit into her good too buddy- straight for the jugular. I was proud of myself. I let her have it. If she ever hurts Matt again, I'll kill the old bitch myself."

My mom was back. I hadn't been sure what to do with the warm fuzzy mom I'd seen the last few weeks. But now the mom I loved was shining through again.

She was on a rant. "I swear, if I could talk Matt into it, he could live here until he goes off to college and never have to see that old goat ever again. She rattled off this whole list of things that had gone wrong and how Matt was just the last straw. Good God that set me off all over again. It was fiddly stuff too- like her hair didn't turn out quite right when she had it colored. Well boo the fuck hoo- I said. I said, `your son is more important than your g—damned hair. I said, "Matthew is one of the sweetest, smartest, funniest, most drop dead gorgeous people I have ever met in the course of my natural life time and you had the balls to treat him like garbage. Oh then she did go to wailing all over again. I said there's a wall in Jerusalem for that shit so I don't wanna hear it."

"Mom? You said all that?" I really wasn't surprised.

"You bet your ass buster."

"Where was she when you talked to her?"

"I don't know and I don't care. She needed to hear it. I also said that at her age, Matthew would be the only son she'd ever have."

"Now that was low- even for you."

"I don't care," she spat, "I'll fight fair to a point, but when you push me too far, fighting fair gets defenestrated."

"De what?"

"Defenestrated. Thrown out the window."

"Where'd you learn that?"

"I read the `improve your vocabulary' section of the Reader's Digest."

"Oh God."

"Well I had to do something while I was waiting for Matt at the hospital."

"Get out of my room." I said, with a smile creeping across my face. She hopped up and walked happily out of the room. My mother had gotten to yell at someone and make someone cry, she was happy. Scaring rich people was one of my mother's favorite pastimes. She enjoyed that almost as much as scaring mean people. So to put the two together was almost more than she could stand. Hearing my mother recount her showdown with Mrs. McConnelly had brightened my mood as well. In a few minutes, I bustled downstairs.

Mom was fixing lunch. She was going around the kitchen getting things together. I walked out under the carport. Dad and Pop were working on the lawnmower. Something was wrong with the throttle cable. It was a typical day.

Pop stepped out from under the carport and looked down the driveway. He was looking at something.

"Hello." He said to the unknown stranger.

"Hi" Oh holynakedshitfuckerboobie. That bashful little `hi' could only come from one source- Brad. I dove into the utility room- out of sight. My Dad looked surprised by my sudden movement.

"Mr. Gerrish?"

"Mr. Matthews. That's Mr. Gerrish." Pop pointed at dad. "I'm the in-laws."

"Is Drew around?"

"Why?" Pop didn't sound antagonistic, just curious.

"I want to talk to him."

"Drew isn't feeling too well today."

"Is he okay?"

"He'll be fine; he's just had a rough couple of days." Pop wasn't forthcoming but I was disturbed with how convincing a liar Pop was.

"Are you sure I can't see him for just a few minutes."

"I don't think that's a very good idea, actually. Do you need a ride home?"

"No, I'll walk. Thanks." Brad turned and left. After he had left, I slinked out of the utility room.

They both looked at me. How did Pop know about Brad?

"How did you know about Brad?"

"I have ways." He smirked.

"Well, anyway, thanks for getting rid of him. How much do you know?"

"Enough to know to get rid of him today. But you'll have to talk to him some day."

"I know, I just didn't want it to be right now."

"Why don't you want Brad? He seems nice."

"He's very nice."

"He's just not Matthew. I understand." Pop nodded his head and returned to the lawnmower. "What I don't understand is how Matt took advantage of you and your whole family, yet you still love him."

"How did he take advantage of us?" Dad asked.

"He moved into your house on the pretense of loving your son and within days, he's out having sex with some random guy he just met."

"You think he took advantage of us?" I asked.

"Well yeah. That's because he did. He snookered the both of you."

"He did no such thing." Dad protested.

"Had my daughter not intervened, when Matt got out of the hospital, who'd be there to take him home?"

"We would." I said- it finally dawning on me what Pop was getting at.

"Exactly. After all he's done to Andrew, he's got you so wrapped around his little finger that you'll take him in again. You've got a soft spot for him too, don't you?"

"He is very nice. He seems like a genuine person. I've watched him and he's just confused and disoriented right now, he'll be fine soon." Dad insisted.

"Let me tell you a story." Pop began, "Frances is a big baseball fan. I've never really cared that much for the sport, but she likes watching the players in their tight little uniforms, so I go along with her. See Drew, your grandmother is really a 16 year old hormonal girl trapped in an 84 year old body. Anyway, this last couple of years, she's been big into watching high school baseball. The older she gets, the younger her fascinations get. Anyway, we've been going to most of the games for the last two years. When we first started going, there was this foul mouthed guy on the team that had a serious temper problem. He would yell and curse and scream and frequently got thrown out of the game for it. He's been like that often when we go. I asked around and found out who that awful brat was. Well you can guess who it was."

"Matt."

"Yeah. Some of the things I've heard him say during a game, I can't imagine what you see in him. Brad seems much more mild mannered and sweet."

"I haven't seen him do that." My father stated.

"I know. He would never behave that way in front of either of you. But I've seen him in action and it's not a pretty sight. I know you think you love him, but don't put yourself in harm's way. He's got a devil of a temper and I'd hate to see him take it out on you. I've seen too many people get the crap beat out of them by people who say they love them."

"If he's so rough and tough, why didn't he fight back the other night?" I asked.

"Maybe you startled him. Maybe he thinks he loves you. Who knows? People do weird things all the time, that doesn't mean they're in love."

I didn't say anything else, but just turned and walked back in the house. Nanny was floating around setting the table. Melissa was putting the food out. Lunch passed without further discussion of Brad or Matt or me for that matter. Phew.

Later that afternoon, I stopped by Brad's house. I was curious to know what he had to say to me. I rang the doorbell. Brad answered the door.

"Hi Brad. I heard you stopped by this morning."

"Yeah. Your grandpa said you weren't doing too well."

"I've been kind of stressed out I guess."

"What's the matter?"

"You mean you don't know?"

We went in and sat down in the living room. Apparently everyone was gone but Brad. I didn't think that ever happened in this house.

"No- what's going on?"

"Matt and I are through."

He just looked surprised but didn't say anything. Maybe he really had no clue and wasn't just messing with me.

"When did that happen?"

"Thursday night."

"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay."

"Brad, why did you come to my house?"

"I hope we can still be friends. That's all."

"Yeah, that'd be cool."

"Good. That's all I wanted. I just wanted to see if you were okay, you hadn't called."

"Sorry. I guess I just got carried away with this whole Matt thing. I didn't know how mean he is. I guess I don't know him as well as I thought I did."

"Guess not. Most everybody on the planet knows that Matt's a vile, insecure, prick. Except you." He smiled.

"Love is blind- some stupid person said."

He laughed a little and sat back in his chair. I suddenly felt peaceful. I always felt the need to impress Matt, to wow him with how wonderful I am, to show him how much he means to me. That's a stressful endeavor. I didn't feel that pressure with Brad. Brad knew that I am really a dorky slob and he liked me anyway. I knew Brad is a sarcastic little brainiac and I like him anyway. What's with that? The whole weak in the knees thing, the whole takes my breath away- that was Matt. Brad made me feel safe; Brad made me feel like home. Matt was a ski trip down the slopes. Brad was the ski lodge. Matt was unpredictable, exciting, and dangerous. Brad was warm, inviting, and cozy.

"Drew,"

"Yes?"

"I don't know."

"Know what?"

"Anything. I've been so up in the air the last couple of months, I don't know what to think anymore. I knew I liked you, but wasn't ready to really be gay. Then all that happened with you and me and then you and Matt and then me and Matt."

"You and Matt?"

"That was a short lived affair."

I looked confused.

"It was the night Matt tried to force you to choose between us. You said we should go fuck each other. So we did. That was pretty much the extent of it."

"Ya know, I had completely forgotten about that."

"I haven't. Matt's phenomenal in bed- but in every other way he's an absolute nightmare."

"He can be romantic when he wants to be."

"Well you're no picnic either."

"I know I've put you through hell- but you're still here."

"Love is blind- some stupid person said." He cringed. He hadn't meant to say that out loud, it just sort of slipped out. I didn't really know how to respond, so I just sat there.

"Sorry," he said, "I didn't mean it like that."

"Don't worry about it."

"I'm sorry. I should have kept my mouth shut. I shouldn't have..."

"It's okay." I interrupted. "Really. It's okay."

He just sat there. He had embarrassed himself, poor thing.

"I realized something when I caught Matt."

"What was that?"

"That he couldn't be trusted. When I caught him with that guy in the alley, I just snapped. Everything I believed about him was wrong and everything I knew about him was true. Oh yeah, you hadn't heard. I caught Matt making out with a guy in an alley. He saw me and chased me down. I beat the crap out of him and put him in the hospital. I had to go to a lawyer to keep from going to jail."

Brad was visibly stunned. "You put him in the hospital?"

"I smashed his skull on the sidewalk." I looked down, I was ashamed.

"Will he be okay?"

"I guess. I'm trying to decide if I care."

"Do you?"

"I feel a little guilty I guess."

He didn't say anything. He just sat there looking thoughtfully at the carpet.

I kept talking, "I realize that I can't trust Matt. I can trust you, can't I?

"Yeah. If you want to."

"I do." I nodded my head slowly.

"I do too." He said.

"So are we married?"

He laughed again. I could make a fool of myself over and over again and at the end of the day, Brad would still be there. After all the horrendous mess I'd made of my life the last few months, it was all erased and Brad was still there.

"No, I don't think we're married. Yet." He sat there contemplating that thought.

I kept talking, "I also realized something else. I realized that you have always been there. Here we are about the graduate and I realized that you've been by my side since the 6th grade. I realized that, except for family, hour for hour, I have spent more time with you than anyone else on earth and yet I never get tired of being around you. It's the strangest thing. You get on my nerves from time to time but then when you go away, I'm ready for you to get back."

He didn't say anything, he was just soaking up what I was saying.

I kept talking, "I don't know if it's love or just friends or what, but what I love is being around you. I don't know how you feel about me or if you will change your mind or if you really hate me and wish I was dead or what, but I know that I don't ever want you to not be part of my life somehow."

His eyes were a tinge misty, but for the most part, he just looked contemplative. He looked like he didn't know quite how to say what was in his head. He stood up out of his chair and came over to the couch and sat next to me. He left about two feet of space between us.

"Drew, when I passed that note to you in class, I didn't know what I was doing. I was curious and sex crazed and you were the only person I felt I could trust with that part of myself. I trusted you with my body- it'll never be on a magazine cover, but it's the only body I've got and I gave it over to you. You gave yourself over to me. Then Matt came in with his looks and money and stole you away. I didn't chase too hard because I knew I couldn't compete. I loved you enough to let you go. God did that hurt. It felt like my guts had been ripped out and thrown on the floor. You ran and treated me like trash. But I still couldn't give up on you- no matter how hard I tried- and man did I try to get you out of my head. I want so much to hate you right now for what you did to me. What Matt did to you is what you did to me in a way. Matt was that other guy in the alley. As soon as someone hotter, funnier, and richer came along, you ditched me and left me standing in a frigid Wal-Mart parking lot in the middle of February. You'd rather be used and treated like dirt by someone like that, than be with me."

I was so ashamed of myself I could hardly stand it. How could anyone stand me? I tried to meet his eyes and couldn't. God, was I really such a terrible person?

"I don't know what to say."

He just shrugged.

"Brad, I, I don't know...I'm sorry?"

He just stared at the carpet. I knew I was a royal fuck up but I had no idea it was this bad. Matt was the other guy in the alley? I guess Brian Seitzland stays between me, myself, and I. Other than being lectured on what a dirty rotten ass wipe I am, why was I here again?Why did I bother getting out of bed this morning?

"Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

"Not really."

"Can you forgive me then?"

"I think so."

"Will you try?"

He just nodded a little. It was enough to give me hope to carry on. I could feel the tension in the air dissipate. We had reached an accord.

"Where is everybody?" I asked.

"Colby and Russell wanted to go see a movie and Dad's at work."

"Oh."

"Do you want to go upstairs?" He asked.

"Sure." We traipsed up the stairs to his room. He sat down at his desk.

"I want to show you something."

"What is it?"

He stood up and walked over to the closet. He pulled down a book from the shelf.

"Look at this." He opened it up and pointed. There was a picture. It was our middle school yearbook, the Tiger Tattler. There was a picture of me and Brad with our arms around each other's shoulders. The caption read- `some friendships may last a lifetime.' I just sat there, staring at the picture. He took the book back and closed it. He walked back and put it on the shelf again. He turned around and faced me.

"Brad, I." He put his fingers to my lips to silence me.

"Shhh." He whispered. "I don't know how you feel, but I know I love you. I've loved you in one way or another since the day I met you. As much as it kills me and as much as it pisses me off just how shitty you can be, I can't stop loving you. I have tried to will you out of my heart, but you just won't leave me alone."

I smiled. It was my turn to blush and be bashful.

"Brad, I..."

Bending down, he put his nose against my nose and whispered softly smiling, "Drew- shut up." My eyes were inches from his. I stared into the chocolate depths of his eyes. I could feel his warm breath passing over my lips. He kissed me, just for a second- then stood up. He stepped back and looked at me. He looked me up and down. I have no idea what he was thinking at that moment. He sat cross legged on the floor. I just looked back at him from the chair.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"Nothing. Just I'm not sure what to do."

"What do you mean?"

"Part of me wants to hurt you and part of me wants to rip your clothes off and violate you."

I got down on the floor and faced him.

"I'm up for either. I would rather you rip my clothes off and violate me, but I deserve to be hurt."

He laughed a little. I reached out and grabbed his toe that was sticking out from under him.

"You've been a bad, bad boy Andrew."

"That's terrible. If you want me, you've got to do better."

He got on his hands and knees and crawled over to me. He pressed his lips to mine. I leaned back on the floor and he came along, leaning over me, refusing to remove his mouth from mine. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled his torso down towards mine. He released his weight and laid his full form on top of me. It hurt a little, the hard floor on my back, but his warm body was on fire. I intertwined his legs with my own and felt his sock feet rubbing up and down my leg while his tongue was buried deep in my mouth. All the stress and tension that had been building in me was released in the power of Brad's kiss. I grasped his shirt tail and slid my hands beneath it. Oh that soft, smooth flesh just waiting to be held, to be caressed in the hands of a master. I could feel his rock solid cock pressing into mine. He started grinding his cock into my body, as he rhythmically moved back and forth and up and down. I ran my teeth along the smooth hardness of his teeth, feeling every groove and rough spot. He puts his hands along the sides of my body and slid them up and down. Oh that felt incredible. We hadn't even done anything much yet and I already felt the electricity flowing between his body and my own. He stopped and stood up.

Oh, don't stop now. I thought to myself. You can't turn me on then leave me there!! I sat up on the floor. He was standing by the desk. He smiled down at me. I must have looked confused. He walked over to the bed and leapt into the middle of it. Oh hell yeah. I got to my feet in a flash. I slowly swished my way over to the bed, rubbing my hand on my smooth, flat stomach. Brad looked like a kid at Christmas- he knew what was coming and he was more than ready. I got on top of him and resumed kissing him full on. I slipped my hand down the front of his jeans and felt his cock. It had lost none of its hardness from the floor. I felt his hands go down the back of my jeans and he grasped my flexing ass. I felt his warm hands rubbing and massaging my ass.

I broke our kiss and stared into his eyes. I moved down and kissed his nipple through the cotton fabric of his T-shirt. He couldn't reach my ass anymore, so he put his hands on my head, pushing me further down. I knew precisely what he wanted. I wasn't giving in so easily. I sat up and looked at him sprawled out before me, blue jeans, white cotton socks, and a green Old Navy T-shirt. I unbuttoned his jeans and rolled him over onto his stomach. I pulled down his jeans and his boxers, exposing that sweet ass of his. I pushed his shirt tail up to his shoulder blades to heighten the effect. I massaged his ass with my hands. I bent over and kissed him on his ass. Being an ass kisser isn't a bad thing, depending on the ass in question. I was so fucking horny I just did it. I leaned over and shoved my tongue straight up his asshole. He jerked a little. He hadn't expected that. He was waiting for my cock instead. He hadn't heard me unleashing the beast, so he wasn't ready for insertion of anything. I wiggled my tongue around inside him, feeling the sides of his butt. I could feel the warmth of his ass cheeks against my face, the little hairs rubbing my chin. In and out, in and out I moved my tongue. I pulled out. I leaned forward and spread my weight against him, dragging my fabric imprisoned cock across his crack. He moaned just a little. He wanted to be violated so badly it hurt to hold out on him. I leaned back again.

I smirked a little. "If you want it, come and get it."

He rolled over. He sat up, grabbed my shoulders and threw me over on the bed. I rested my head on a pillow and waited for him to make his move. He was much more direct than I and placed his hand right on top of my throbbing dick. He unzipped me, pushed back the edge of my boxers and unleashed the beast. His hungry mouth descended onto me. The wet warmth enveloped my cock as far as it could. He sucked it hard. He wasn't very gentle. He wanted cock and he wasn't going to stop until I satisfied the horny little toad. After a few minutes of vigorous sucking, I pushed him off of me. He sat back his legs tucked under him, clearly disappointed. His pants had slipped down further, exposing his own raging hard on. I looked at it, and then looked up at him. He smiled. He was gonna get to go first. He pulled my pants off and threw them on the floor. He got the condom and lube out of the bedside table and got himself ready. I laid there spread out before him. He knew that as soon as he was done, it was my turn. He laid down on top of me and I felt his hot engorged cock getting close. He put my legs up onto his shoulders so that he could see. He thought it was much more erotic to actually watch your own cock going in. I felt his head pushing against me. I relaxed and granted him passage. I felt the warm shaft going deeper and deeper.

Matt had stretched me out not too long ago, so Brad wasn't going to have to work too hard to get it all in. He pushed a little harder then a little harder until his whole cock was buried in my ass. Then came the pounding. He slowly slid it back a little, then pushed forward again, then back and forth. Brad was actually really good at this. With his meek and mild personality, you'd think he'd be strickly a bottom- but don't let him fool you, he can fuck with the best of them. He picked up speed. He was whispering things that needn't bear repeating. I am quiet during this moment, just enjoying the sensation of a sweet cock in me. He got noisier and noisier as he fucked me harder and harder. Then came the moment. I could feel his warmth spurting out into me. His hot breath passing over my face as an orgasm to match no other overtook him. He just half fucked half convulsed on top of me as it raged on.

He pulled out and flopped down next to me, he was exhausted. He just heaved great big breaths of air as his body relaxed.