Hey Everyone! Chapter 5! Already, only took me two days to write this one up. I'm on a roll! ::rolls the "R" on Roll:: On to the boring stuff...
If you are offended by homosexual material...yadda yadda yadda...hehehe...
If you're offended by homosexual material, please leave. If you're offended by ... um, little fuzzy bunnies and hamsters please leave. If you're offended by liver! Hum, you can stay;) I don't really care for liver and stuff. Oh, on with the tag line!
I'd like to do a few 'Thank Yous"
First I'd like to thank... "Thank you India, thank you terror...thank you disillusionment...thank you frailty...thank you consequence...thank you thank you silence! (I don't think those are the correct Lyrics...) Actually, I'd like to thank Lauren, author of "Lucky Me." I'd like to thank DLS, the author of "Brian and Me." And I'd love to thank Sco! The Author of "Lance in Shining Armour." These guys are great friends and I love them to death! I'd also like to thank my many readers, including the authors...and my good friend Yuli! She's been great and everything;)
This was originally supposed to be two different parts, but I decided to just bunch them together into this one. The next part is somewhere in my lovely little brain. But! I've gotta finish this up and post it, I've got some...::gasp::...dressing up that needs to be done! Love ya all;)
Sorry it took a little bit longer on posting this, I was rather hesitant on posting it...but I did! None the less, so here we go;)
I don't really know BSB in real life and this is in no way reflecting any of their personality. This is loosely, very loosely, based on them...however. I'd like very much to thank all of my readers and the authors again! ::hugs:: Love ya all! Thanks;)
Now on to the story! :)
Bradly's New Beginning
By
The Lovely Frederick Anthony
Chapter Five:
The following year went by fast and rather uneventfully. All I really did was get an apartment and a car, a steady job...but I was still single. Everyone teased me about being the only 'virgin' among us, but I must admit...my interests don't lay in that area. I never really thought about sex, sure I thought about it. Just not as much as most virgins are supposed to. I mean, honestly, do you think that I'd make a good slut? I don't! I don't like labels, but I feel that if I ever had meaningless sex...I'd feel like an old and used...dried up slut. I hated sex, though. Not because of what Rusty had done...well maybe a small part of me...but mainly because sex was just there. Like breathing for instance. It's there and you can control it. You can hold your breath, or you can breathe. I like to think that I'm just holding my breath, so to speak.
I had finished work when I decided that I was going to stop by McDonalds to get a bite to eat. I was rather hungry and I was also in love with those fries.
I was just starting to drive toward McDonalds, when the radio announcer announced that there was going to be a blizzard. A really bad one, as he put it.
I decided that the heavenly bliss of those fries could wait. I was going home.
Not even five minutes later I was pulling up into my driveway when the first bit of snow started to fall. And boy did it fall! In a matter of moments I couldn't see the road that I lived on anymore! I quickly shut off the car and started up the steps into my apartment when I slipped.
I didn't fall far or hard, I just fell. It would probably be embarrassing if people saw it, but they didn't. So I had my dignity. (Yeah right!) I started up the last steps and into the hallway that separated the three apartments. Apartment number one was empty. Apartment number two was mine, and number three belonged to Richard, my cousin.
Richard being Lydia's older brother...he was more well off and mature. We laughed at the same jokes...but sometimes his laughing seemed a little forced. All well, he was still my cousin.
I unlocked the door to my apartment when a cute little black dog and a black cat immediately bombarded me. I laughed softly when Shauna, the dog, tried to jump on me. The cute little cat, Artemis, meowed and pawed at my feet.
I walked past them and threw my keys on the table. I turned the warm water on low so the pipes wouldn't freeze and grabbed a soda. I put my can on the kitchen table as I shucked my clothes and grabbed a blanket. As soon as I had everything I wanted I cracked a window and turned the heat down a little bit. Most people would think I was crazy. But I wasn't! I just couldn't stand artificial heat...not that it's artificial...it's just not natural? It is natural...it's confusing, I know. But I just can't stand any heat at all.
I grabbed a thick book off my bookshelf and cuddled in the recliner. My cute little lab/chow mutt jumped in my lap and wagged her tail. I laughed softly as she curled up between my legs and went instantly to sleep. The cat, in turn, jumped up on my stomach and purred softly for a few moments before resting herself in the crook of my arm.
Once my adoring pets were comfortable, I proceeded to pull the covers up as far as my dog's neck. Once we were all comfortable and warm, I started to read.
Soon, it was getting late and the water had long stopped running. I let out a small sigh as I cracked my neck and tried to stand up. Apparently, I had forgotten about my animals as they let out groans of disapproval as I stood up. With a laugh, I stretched my muscles and walked into the restroom.
I relieved myself. (Like you needed to know, but hey! Some people get off on that.)
I let out another groan as I left the confines of my bathroom and walked into the kitchen. I leaned against the counter and glanced at the clock. It was well past one in the morning.
I let out yet ANOTHER groan, (a lot of groaning for someone who's not having sex, aye?) and sat back down in my recliner. I had been reading for over six hours! My eyes didn't sting, but they weren't all that happy with the much reading I did either.
I stood up and glanced out the window, my eyes widened as I saw the amount of snow on the ground. There had to be at least five inches! I let out a small moan and collapsed onto the couch. I was lucky that there was electric! Lord only knows about the phones...
It was extremely quiet when I started to hear some voices. (No, not the kind in my head, dears.) They were coming from outside in my hallway. I figured Rich was bringing some friends to his home, but after about ten minutes of non-stop talking, I was beginning to wonder.
I stood up and placed my ear to the door. Listening carefully, I could make out some of the words.
"What are we going to do?" Someone asked.
"I have no idea. Maybe we could ask someone here for help?" Offered another.
"No, we can't do that." Replied another voice. I let out a small sigh and opened the door to the hallway. Five full-grown men stared at me for a second and each offered me a smile of amazement. I blinked a first, second, and third time before anyone said something.
"Hi." One of them said, a cute one with blond hair cut in a bowl cut. I laughed softly.
"Sorry," I apologized, "I heard three voices, didn't expect to find five men in my hallway. Especially in this storm." I laughed nervously.
"No need to be sorry," A tall cute one said, he looked like he needed to shave. And that goat-t would have to go...
"Oh, thanks." I said blushing. "Um, would you uh...like to come in? Get warm?" I said finally noticing that each of their jackets were soaking wet with lots of snow on them. I blinked and moved out of their way as each of the five men sheepishly entered my apartment.
"First off," said a short one, about five foot eight, "We don't know your name." He said with a slight southern drawl. I laughed softly and held out my hand.
"Name's Bradly. You can call me either B or Brad. You're choice." I said as each of them shook my hand and in return told me their names. After I let their names sink in for a moment it hit me! I knew who they were!
"Um," I started, "Don't get this wrong. But are you the Backstreet Boys?" I said in a whisper. They each laughed and let out a small smile of approval.
"Yes," said Nick, "We are." I smiled softly.
"I knew I've seen you guys before, just couldn't imagine where." Brian let out a nervous chuckle and grinned. I looked at them a second when it occurred to me: They were still in their wet clothes! "Guys," I said softly, "Why don't you get out of those clothes? I've got some extra clothes for you to wear, and Brian, see that thermostat? Turn it up to seventy-five degrees. Nick, close that window and Kevin, come with me." I must've surprised them because they each gave me a weird look before they did as they were asked. Kevin and I went into the spare bedroom to raid the closet.
"Nice clothes." He remarked. I let out a soft laugh and shook my head.
"They're my cousin's. He let me have them a year ago...just after I got this apartment. Most of them are too big, others are too small...I kept the ones that were just right and put them in my closet. You guys are welcomed to look through there if you can't find anything here." I smiled again as Kevin went through my closet. He laughed softly as he pulled out a red dress.
"Perfect for Brian." He muttered softly and I let out a laugh.
"You're bad." I said with a wide grin.
"I try."
After we had gotten the clothes together and everything, I picked them up and brought them into the living room while Kevin changed. Howie and AJ were standing around in their boxers, whereas Brian and Nick were in towels. I laughed softly and Brian turned red.
"What?" Nick said with a grin.
"Nothing, it's just not everyday where I see four grown men in my living room in various stages of dress. Not to mention," I said waving my hand toward Howie...
Howie blushed and smiled. I threw the clothes at them and shook my head. Brian started to laugh as Howie sheepishly grabbed the clothes. I shook my head softly and went into the kitchen so they could dress in peace. While I was in the kitchen I started to prepare some coffee and cocoa. I reached into the refrigerator for a gallon jug of water and filled up the pot. As I placed the pot on the stove to boil I heard someone enter the kitchen. Turning around I saw Brian. Brian smiled softly as he entered into the kitchen. I laughed nervously and out of habit when he accidentally tripped on the step. He blushed and walked over to me. I noticed he was wearing the white sweater that Rick had given me along with a pair of powder blue jeans. I let out another laugh when I remembered what it took to get those jeans.
"Hey," he said quietly, "What're you doing?"
"Just making some coffee and cocoa. I figure Kevin would want coffee, I want coffee...I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I figure one of you are going to want cocoa." He smiled softly. 'He's got a nice smile.' I thought, just as soon as I thought it, I quickly forced it from my mind. 'There's no way in hell he could be gay...let alone...' my mind drifted from my thoughts as the boiling hot water started to boil over the edge. I let out a yelp and grabbed a potholder. Trying my hardest not to burn anything...or me. I picked up the pot and put it in the sink. With a slow unintelligible mumble, I grabbed the cups and slammed them on the counter. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Brian smirking and trying to keep a straight face. His blue eyes sparkled with life as he tried to not giggle.
I had just put the sixth cup on the counter when Kevin walked in.
"What's all this banging?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. I laughed softly and Brian cracked up.
"I almost burned the house down with a pot of boiling water, and this ever so adorable stage boy thinks it's funny!" I said feigning anger. "See if I ever cook you dinner." I said with an evil grin. I had only known these people for a little under an hour, and they already felt like home. I motioned for Kevin to help me carry the cups into the living room and I forced Brian to carry the pot. "Who wants cocoa?" I announced to a group of warm men. Two arms shot up and I grinned. I poured the hot cocoa mix in three of the cups and instant coffee in the other two. Brian poured some water into each of the various cups and Kevin placed a spoon in each one.
"So," Kevin said softly, "What do we do now?"
"We talk?" AJ said with a grin. I laughed softly.
"About what?" Howie said with a smirk.
"I don't know..." I said softly, "I've got over three hundred movies. Why don't you pick one?" Kevin grinned at me for a second and a thought occurred to me. "Kevin, Brian, Howie...Nick." I blinked for a second as I looked for Nick. I found him cuddled up with my blanket in my recliner, my dog Shauna was sleeping between his legs. My lovely cat was nowhere in sight. "Okay, Kevin, Brian, Howie...AJ." I said with a smile. "Where are y'all gonna sleep?"
"Well..."
"You see..."
"Um..." Was the responses I got. With a light laugh and a shake of my head I answered for them.
"Kevin: My bed. Nick...he's okay where he is. AJ, you've got the spare bed. Brian, you've got the sofa bed...sound good?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah...but where will you sleep?" Kevin asked, obviously concerned.
"The floor." "With me." Brian and I said at the same time. I gave Brian a look.
"I'm sleeping on the floor." "You're sleeping with me." We said at the same time again. With a laugh, I started to protest. Brian shook his head and shushed me with a finger to my lips. I let out a schoolgirl pout and Kevin let out a loud laugh.
"Fine." I surrendered, "I'll sleep with you." Brian cheered quietly in triumph and AJ laughed. AJ waved to us and headed for the spare bedroom. Kevin apologized about having to go to bed but it was, after all, three in the morning. He stood up, stretched, and cleared off the table. I heard him drop the stuff in the sink with a loud 'clash' and then the bedroom door shut.
"So..." Brian began, "Let's open the bed and get some sleep?" I nodded softly.
"You go ahead, I got business to take care of." I said softly as I walked through the kitchen and knocked on AJ's door. AJ answered in the same pair of boxers that he had on earlier. I laughed silently and crept into the room. "I need to get into the closet for a moment, may I?" I said on my way to the closet. AJ laughed softly as I totally disregarded him and when straight into the closet. After I grabbed what I needed I waved to him and ran out into the living room.
Brian had already gotten the bed open and he was lying on top of the blankets. I yawned quietly as I put one of the sheets over Nick and the pillow under his head. I leaned in toward his crotch and gave my dog a kiss on the forehead. "Night, Shauna." I whispered as I crawled into bed next to Brian.
I was awake most of the night listening to Brian snore softly and quietly. My thoughts kept dragging me to when I first saw the five of them, not even four hours ago, drenched in snow and in my hallway. And now they were in my apartment...and I was treating 'em like they were family. It's amazing how fast life can move and change. It's amazing.
The next morning, my phone rang and startled me awake. With a groan, I reached over Brian to grab the phone. When I was sure that I'd had a firm grip on the phone, I picked it up and tried bringing to my ear. Shit! I accidentally dropped in on Brian, right in his crotch. With a mutter, I reached down and grabbed the phone, making sure not to touch anything important. When I was brought the phone to my ear, Brian stirred and rolled over. Woo, I didn't wake him up.
"Hello?" I said into the phone. A cheery, and not to mention high, voice replied back.
"Hey." It took me a few moments to recognize the voice. Julie!
"Julie!" I said with a laugh.
"That's me!" She said adding a few extra 'A's to 'that's.' I let out a laughed and sat up. "So who're you sleeping with? Normally you're up around nine in the morning and now it's noon. You never sleep this late." I was just about to mention that I read all night when she beat me too it, "You also never sleep this late when you read all night." I stifled a laugh and cracked me neck.
"Dear," I said softly, "I'm not sleeping with anyone. But I've got a few guests here. As much as I am glad to hear your voice, I'm not glad to hear your sense of humor." I said laughing quietly.
"I know...I know. You never did have the stomach for us perverts." I let out an even louder laugh.
"I do, just not you." I said evilly and seductively into the phone.
"Ooh, them's fighting words!" I said laughing. Her high voice laughed through the phone and I guess, must've awakened Brian.
"'Morning." He said quietly in his deep voice. I groaned softly.
"'Morning Brian. Where's Nick and Kevin?" I said totally disregarding Julie's incessant screams through the phone. I knew where they were, of course. Nick was in with AJ and Kevin was still in my room asleep. I looked Brian in the eyes and I could feel myself slowly start to get lost.
"God fucking dammit, Bradly Matthew Pettine!" I let out a yelp as I blushed furiously. Brian smiled a small smile and got up.
"What? What?" I said back into the phone. A little more angrier than I wanted, but it's too late to replace the past.
"Nothing. You just ignored your phone call. Now, who's Brian?" She asked quickly.
"A friend." I answered simply.
"No really! Who?"
"Just some guy." I muttered.
"Bradly, in the 10 years that I've known you...any guy that shares a bed with you isn't 'just some guy.' Because, dammit, I want to know...why you're sharing a bed with him! I know you...you'd NEVER do that. Never..." Her words failed her and she sighed softly.
"There wasn't enough beds here for the five of them...so I gave them what I could. Nick slept on the couch, Brian and I slept in the sofa bed, Kevin in my room..."
"Hold up!" She interrupted. "Kevin slept in your room? You never even let me in that room! And you're letting Kevin sleep in it? And who the fuck is Kevin? And and and..." She muttered some very interesting obscenities.
"Dear," I said softly, "I trust them. Besides, if you were up here now I'd let you in my room."
"Oh, alright." She answered dryly.
"The pipes aren't frozen anymore. I'm gonna take a shower." Brian said stepping into the living room in a towel. "It is alright, right?" I nodded.
"Of course, you're all guests. You can treat this as if it was your own home." He let out a deep chuckle.
"Don't tell that to Nick." He said still chuckling. I started to chuckle. I couldn't help it; his laugh was contagious.
"Hey Julie," I said quietly, "Can you call back around...three? We should be here..." She laughed softly.
"I heard the whole conversation. I'll let you go. Bye dear."
"Bye hon." I said and quickly hung up. Julie was a sweetheart, but she could talk forever! Before I could get my thoughts clean up, or the living room for that matter, Kevin walked into the living room dressed in what I gave him last night.
"Hey, Brad..." he said softly... "I'd like to thank you for everything. Your hospitality...your...everything." He gave me a small smile. "You didn't ask for anything in return...so I want to tell you how we ended up in this storm and why we were at your front door." I raised an eyebrow.
"It's really none of my..." He cut me off.
"It is because I'm making it your business." I resigned thoughtfully and nodded. "Alright, let's get started." He said softly. "Um, wait. Before I tell you, can I have your word that you wouldn't tell anyone? Because...it could mean a lot of things if word gets out."
"I promise. But are you sure you're okay with trusting me with this?" He gave me a small nod.
"I trust you, Brian trusts you. He doesn't even let Nick sleep in the same bed as him, but he let you. That in itself says a lot. Last night AJ and I had a talk...he trusts you. Howie was a little...hesitant at first. But he's all right now. Nick adores you because you're one of the few people that we've met that actually treats us as people not stars." I let out a small laugh. All these people trust me and they haven't even known me a day? All I did was let them in out of the cold, gave them some dry clothes and serve them cocoa and coffee! And now they trust me...?
"I didn't recognize you at first! And it didn't really matter because I know you're all people. I would've done this for anyone..." I said with a half smile.
"I know, that's why I want to trust you with this. It's your humanity that makes us trust you. How many people would actually take five strangers into their home and give them cocoa? Not many." I agreed with his logic.
"Not many. You're right...but it still doesn't explain why you trust me."
"That's simple: Because we do. Do you trust Brian?" I raised an eyebrow and thought about it. I did let him sleep in the same bed as me and I didn't fight him all that much. That in itself does say a lot... "Do you trust us?" He asked a little louder.
"Yes. Yes I do...I guess." I said softly, "I don't know why but I'm comfortable around you...not around Howie...but around you guys." He nodded.
"Good, because I want to tell you this story. So will you let me tell you?" I laughed and nodded.
"Fine, I'll let you tell me." I said with a grin. He smiled softly.
"All right. Here is what happened..." I listened closely. My eyes widening at most of the parts. He gave me a weird look when he finished.
"Oh my god, that's what happened?" I whispered softly.
"Yes, that's what happened." He said with a sigh. I looked down at the ground...
"I'm sorry." What else could I say?
"Hey," Brian said stepping into the living room. "What're y'all looking so down for?" He gave me a weird look then turned toward Kevin.
"Nothing," Kevin said quickly, "We were just talking." Brian raised an eyebrow and gave me a look as if to say 'we'll talk later.' Kevin gave him a look that said 'you do and you die.' I let out a nervous laugh.
"Well, my loving dog has to go out. Brian, would you join me?" Kevin shot me a look as if, 'what the fuck are you doing?' I just shrugged and grabbed my dog's leash. Brian grabbed two jackets and handed me one. He shrugged into it as I put it over my shirt. With a groan, I pulled open the door and stepped into the heated hallway. Brian followed after and shut the door as he left. As soon as we were outside I stopped and gave him a weird look.
"What happened?" I said softly.
"Everything that Kevin said...and then some." I raised an eyebrow. I grabbed a lawn chair and wiped the snow off of it. Sitting down on the incredibly cold seat, I crossed my legs and looked up at him.
"So tell me. Everything." I narrowed my eyes and he sighed as he leaned against the banister.
"All right. All right." He said softly. After a few minutes he started.
"We had gotten off for the holidays and I was holding something back from the guys. I got really depressed and would only talk business. Kevin noticed something was wrong one night, and told the other guys to go do something. AJ picked up on Kevin's tone and took everyone out partying. I wasn't feeling all that well and told him to leave me alone. He was persistent and I let him in.
When he came into my room he had a real worried look on his face," Brian looked in my eyes and let out a small sniffle, "I was gay. I was afraid that they would hate me. Howie and Nick did at first, until Nick knew that I would always be a brother to him. Anyway, Kevin came in and looked me in the eye, I was afraid to say anything and I couldn't even muster the courage to!" Brian's eyes glazed over softly as he spoke, "Kevin looked me in the eye and sighed, all he said was 'I know you're gay, but that can't be what's tearing you apart.' I was surprised, to say the least! How did he know I was gay? I found out later that he had always suspected. When he told me that he knew, I just jumped and hugged him. I cried on him until I couldn't cry anymore and I fell asleep. He just lay there stroking my head as I slept. I'd wake up every now and then and grip him tighter. He was the rock, I was in a stream. I didn't know what else to do." Brian let out a small sigh. Shauna had sat down at my feet and whined softly from time to time.
"Finally," he said in a quiet voice filled with sorrow, "I calmed down enough to let him know that I was upset and what my worst fears were." I stood up and gave him a hug. He hugged me back and smiled softly, "We told the group and they all reacted differently. AJ and Kevin talked about it before I even mentioned it to Kevin, so AJ wasn't surprised. Howie started to freak and Nick was calm, but was still freaking. Things were tense for awhile. Really tense." I let out a sigh and patted his hand. He smiled up at me. I didn't notice it before, but I was quite a bit taller than he was. Maybe about four inches...maybe a little bit taller. Brian sighed softly.
"Everything's okay now?" He shook his head.
"No, now everything's still a little tense. Not as much, but I guess it was expected." He let out a small sigh. I hugged him tightly. "Nick and I aren't as good friends anymore, Howie absolutely detests me." He let out a sob and cried softly. I hugged him tight, again, and patted his back.
"Brian, it'll get better. So how did you get over here at my doorstep and in the snow?"
"Well," he said with a laugh, "we all had a big fight and were driving to the hotel from the airport, we got lost and ended up in this storm. The car stalled about a mile from here and we had to walk all the way to your house. Since then we haven't spoken to each other all that much, AJ and Kevin are still a little tense, but they're all right. Nick and I still talk but not as much as before and I put up with the glares from Howie." Brian let out a small sigh. "There are prices to fame, and sexuality." He let out a small laugh. Shauna let out a yelp and ran for the door. I sighed softly.
"Hey look," I said with a smile, "It stopped snowing." He sighed softly and took my hand as we viewed the snow covered antique church across the parking lot. Our hands intertwined as we looked over the landscape, the newly fallen snow sparkled in the sun's shining light. It was just one of those cheesey moments, so perfect, so real, so...romantic.
"We better get inside." Brian said softly. I nodded slowly but neither one of us budged from our spot or position. Every now and then he'd squeeze my hand softly and let out a small sigh. I wasn't sure of what was going to happen, but I was pretty damned sure that it was going to be good. I knew there were going to be hurdles we'd have to get through, I knew there were our inhibitions...but if we tried, we really could start something. And I was pretty brave then, to actually think that I could go through with a relationship with him.
Things were moving fast, but isn't that the way with relationships and love? Did I trust him enough for a relationship? As if sensing my discomfort he moved closer to me, his smell and presence reassured me that it'd be worth all the pain and trouble, just to be with him. I would do anything to be with him, anything at all. We both turned and looked at each other at the same time. Our eyes locked and our hands made sure no one could ever pry them apart. He looked deep into my eyes, my soul. He leaned down toward my face. I didn't know what to expect. I had never been in this position before. He leaned even closer but never broke eye contact. Then he did the last thing that I'd ever expect from him: He kissed me.
The kiss was soft and tender. He pressed his lips against mine, which resulted in a low groan. No one has ever shown so much love or affection to me like this before. I was scared and did the only thing that I could do: I ran away. I quickly pulled away and ran inside. I ran past Kevin and Howie, a sleepy Nick saw me dash past him as I quickly ran into my room.
"What the..." Nick said as I passed him and jumped on my bed. I didn't cry or anything, I just shut my door and lay on my bed. I stared at my ceiling and tried to figure out what happened. He kissed me, I ran away. What was I supposed to do? I reacted the only way I ever knew how. He kissed me and I was afraid! Why? What happened? Before I could think any more someone knocked at my door.
"Go away." I said forcefully.
"Brad! Open this door, now." Kevin said as he banged on my door. I groaned and stood up to open the door. As soon as I opened the door, Kevin's worried face sought mine. "Brian's missing." Brian? Missing? Oh my god...what did I do?
Missing! Brian was missing? Oh my god. "Oh my god," I said softly, "Where is he? What happened?" I said as I frantically searched my mind as to where he could be. Kevin stood there and glared at me.
"You came dashing in here and collapsed on your bed. I went outside to see what happened and Brian was running down the street obviously crying. What happened? I should be asking you that." I sighed softly. Brian had kissed me...he had kissed me and I ran away. Now I felt really bad. Should I tell Kevin? No, he's got enough to worry about.
"I made a stupid mistake. My fear and inhibitions got me in trouble again. I'll go look for him." I said as I quickly stood up and ran for the front door. Kevin grabbed the back of my shirt.
"Not until you tell me what the fuck happened!" Kevin said rather loudly. Nick and AJ both stopped dead in their tracks as they were passing the room and looked right at me. It was obvious that Kevin rarely ever used that tone. I narrowed my eyes.
"You really want to know?" I screamed at him, "Do you really? Well, Kevin, he fucking kissed me, happy now? He kissed me. You're cousin kissed me and I couldn't keep my fear in check and I ran away. I hope you're happy now that I told you. I honestly do hope you're happy." I snarled at him and pushed him out of my way. I didn't bother to grab a jacket as I ran out into the cold afternoon air to search for Brian. I kept calling Brian's name over and over again as I ran down the stairs and into the streets. As I thought about the town, there were only two good places to be. So I quickly ran up the hill that overlooked the town. You could see all of Clintondale, but there was nowhere in Clintondale where you could see the hill. It was a wonderful place to sit and watch the sunsets. Not many people knew about the place and if he was looking for a place to think...that would be it.
I ran up the hill and through the path toward the spot that overlooked the town. By time I got there I was out of breath, I really needed to run more.
I looked around and noticed a figure slumped against a rock with his hands in his face. It was Brian. I smiled softly as I walked over to him and put my arm on his back. He jumped softly and looked up. His cheeks were red and his eyes were bloodshot. I looked at him and sighed softly.
"I'm sorry." He whispered in a hoarse voice. I almost broke down on the spot.
"I'm the one that should be sorry. I didn't react right, I did the first thing that came to mind: I fled." I sat down in front of him and looked in his eyes. He let out a soft sniffle and scooted over next to me. I let out a soft, nervous laugh as we sat there and looked over the town of Clintondale. I could see Kevin and Nick walking down the street looking for Brian. I let out a small sigh as Brian grabbed my hand. "Brian..." I said softly.
"What?" He said holding my hand a little tighter in case I decided to pull away.
"I...I've got to tell you something. You've got to promise me you'd listen to it and not pass judgement until I'm done?" He nodded and gave me a small smile.
"Well, when I was younger...I was molested." I saw his eyes widen and change from sorrow to anger.
"How young?" He asked with menace in his voice.
"T...t...ten." He growled.
"By who?" I let out a nervous laugh.
"Let me tell the story?" I raised an eyebrow. He let out a yelp and apologized.
"Sorry."
"It's okay." I said with a grin. He smiled softly and I let everything go and told him. I told him about the attempt, the molestation, the hospital, my mother, my cousin, Chrystal...I told him everything. Everything I could. I didn't know why I felt that I could trust him, just that I could. I felt safe and loved when I was near him, and when I told him what had happened, it didn't change. He didn't recoil, he didn't frown, and he didn't smile. He just sat there listening intently to what I was saying. I sighed softly as I finished telling him, a quick glance to my left told me the sun was just starting to set behind the mountains. When I glanced back to his eyes, I saw them slowly glaze over and a few tears escape. I brought my hand up and wiped a few away. He brought his hand to mine and moved it to his lips, where I felt him kiss the back of it. I let out a small sigh when I felt his lips touch the back of my hand. "Brian..." I whispered softly.
"Shh...don't talk." He said as he stood up and pulled me to my feet. I moved closer to him and put my arm around his shoulders, he leaned against me as we both watched he sun set into the mountains.
"Brian..." I whispered after the sun had set and darkness started to settle across Clintondale. "What's going on...?" I asked softly.
"With what?" He asked obviously delaying the inevitable.
"Us." I stated simply.
"What do you want to happen...between us?" I felt a lump form in my throat. I couldn't speak.
"Brian, I...don't think I'm ready for a relationship. One long distance. I don't know, Brian. I'm not quite sure." I could feel some tears form around my eyes.
"But...I think I'm falling..." 'Don't you dare say it.'
"Don't you dare say it, Brian." I whispered. Knowing that if he said it I wouldn't be able to say anything. Knowing that I'd break down on the spot and go with it. 'Dear god,' I prayed, 'Please let him be smart enough, and not say it.' For once, it seemed, that god had heard my prayers and Brian kept quiet.
"We should be heading back." He said quietly. I nodded softly and looked in his eyes. "Brad..." He said quietly.
"Hmm?" I said as I continued to stand there and lose myself in his eyes.
"Are you sure...?" I raised an eyebrow.
"About what?"
"Are you sure that there can't be...anything, you know? Between us?" I gulped back the lump and nodded. Not trusting my voice. Brian's eyes glazed over once again and I took that as the cue to leave.
"Let's go." I whispered as we left the hill and walked toward my home.
Once there, I knew we were going to have to be interrogated. I knew Kevin would want to know everything. And I knew for a fact, that I wouldn't tell him. I knew that I wouldn't tell him what happened. 'Nothing,' I vowed, 'Nothing at all.'
We arrived at my apartment a little while later. On the way there we didn't speak much, not much at all. Just a little bit as to what we were going to tell Kevin and Nick and the rest of the guys. I also told him about my yelling at Kevin and about Kevin yelling at me.
"Oh my. Kevin hardly ever uses that tone." He said with a slight chuckle. "What'd you do wrong?"
"When you kissed me, I ran into my room. Kevin went outside to see what had happened and he saw you running. He wanted to know what happened...and I screamed at him telling him that you kissed me." I offered a weak smile, "Everyone knows now." Brian stopped dead in his tracks.
"Great." He muttered. I felt bad.
"I'm sorry, what else was I supposed to do? That is Kevin you know..." He nodded. "Sorry, didn't know what else to do." I said sighing. He smiled.
"It's alright. I just don't know what I'm going to say," He said softly. I patted his back and we continued to walk toward my house.
We reached my house not too long after that conversation. When we reached my door I hesitated. What would they ask? What would they say? What would I answer...? I didn't know Nick and Howie all that well, AJ wasn't too bad and Kevin was cool. My mind wandered from each one.
"Let's go." He whispered and I opened the door. There, inside my house, was no one! No one at all was there. Brian and I let out a sigh of relief and both sat down on the couch. "Brad..." He said softly. I mentally sighed. Does this boy ever give up? No, maybe he has fallen...
"Yes?" I said softly purposely looking away from his eyes. I knew that if he asked...
"Why can't there...?" He let out a sniffle. I sighed softly and grumbled under my breath.
"Because, Brian. We're from two totally different worlds. You've got your sexuality hidden; I'm used to being open about my sexuality. I've been open about it for quite some time. Quite some time..." I said softly. He looked up at me and kissed me, again. My eyes started to tear up and I started to cry. I couldn't go through the pain of love again...I couldn't! I pushed him away from me and started to cry softly. He put his arm around me and tried to comfort me, he had no idea why I was crying of course. No idea at all.
I stood up and walked into the bathroom to wipe my eyes. Brian followed close behind and kept whispering apologies and sweet comforting things in my ears. All it did was make me cry harder. What was I doing? Why was I pushing this great man away? Why? What did he do to deserve this? He loves me and I...yes, I do. I love him. But why can't I admit it out loud...? I let out a loud sob as I grabbed onto Brian. I knew the answer, I knew the answers to all of those questions.
I stood up and turned to face Brian. This cute man had a crush on me, and I had one on him. But why couldn't I admit it! Why was I so damned adamant on pushing him away? Why did I vow to never love again? But it is so easy to see that I love him, so, so, so easy.
I sat down on the toilet and sniffled lightly. Questions kept popping up in my mind, questions I didn't want to answer.
But I already knew the answers. It was a simple answer.
I just couldn't admit to myself why I couldn't be with him. He wanted me to, I wanted to, but I couldn't.
Couldn't, or wouldn't?
Why was I hesitating? He was right there in front of me drying my eyes. He was comforting me. He loved me. Why was I so damn adamant on pushing him away!
Simple:
Because I was afraid, afraid of love.
What's going to happen? Will they get together? Will Kevin stand in the way? Find out what happens when the guys get home! And now for three words that'll make you people want to kill me...
To! Be! Continued! ;)
Bye Readers, love ya all;)