Chapter 9
I met someone three days later, a guy in my English course who was completely out, which gave me the courage to do the same thing myself. His name was Brian. That night, he invited me to go out with him and a group of his friends to a gay restaurant for dinner and I happily agreed. I didn't even know anything about the existence of a gay restaurant around campus, so already I was learning something from hanging around with Brian. Dinner was fantastic. All the guys were nice. Lots of laughter. Some camping around and that felt strange to me because up until now when I though of camping I though of myself acting as an obvious sub looking for action, but this was completely different. Two of the guys were very effeminate and I'd never been around that much before so it made me uncomfortable. Brian noticed because he took my hand and squeezed it, and so I tried to get away from my immediate revulsion. Apparently in the ordinary gay world there was almost a division between male and female, between the guys who could "pass" for straight and the "fairies" who didn't care what anyone thought. When I looked at it that way, my opinion shifted because I found myself envying them their courage to be who they were. But in my mind so saturated with bdsm thoughts, the two sexes were Dom and sub.
Brian was hot. And sensitive. And so, of course, when he invited me to come to his place after dinner for a nightcap, the only nightcap I wanted was a load of his cum down my throat and I immediately fell into a submissive role and that seemed to be fine. Actually he stripped first and asked me if he could take my clothes off himself. How cute!!!! Good things the lights weren't on because I know I still had some marks left over from what Bobby had been doing to me. The sex was good. Hot kisser but not invasive like Bobby. Liked stroking my skin. Right away I kissed my way down his smooth muscular chest and got my mouth on his ample cock and started licking and sucking. "You don't have to make me cum," he said to me. "Just have your fun then come back and kiss me some more." And so that's how it went. Nice, but most definitely not enough. Shit! And he's one of the nicest guys I know. And the next morning he proved it to me. I woke up and I felt a hand stroking my ass. I was on my stomach. It as a bright day. The sheets were off me. Shit! Brian probably sees the marks. I lie there and I moan in pleasure from him stroking me. He was touching a mark that was still painful and I reacted the way Bobby had trained me. I grunted and moaned. "Sore?" he asked. "Yes, a bit," I answered, embarrassed. "It looks like someone worked you over one time." Fuck. I guess I had to be honest. Brian was too nice. I wasn't going to play any games with him. I liked him. "Yes, I was seeing someone who did that to me a lot. To be honest with you, I'm into being treated that way. I'm what's called a `masochist.'"
"I understand," he said. "So I have a question. If that's the way you're wired, why have you taken a liking with me even to the point of having sex with me last night? Were you experimenting or anything like that. And don't worry: I'm not in the least offended."
"Okay. This is hard, Brian."
"Take your time." He never even stopped running his hand up and down my body.
"I was seeing someone for several weeks and we were having that kind of relationship. I was crazy about him, still am unfortunately. Anyway, he said he wanted to `train me' to be a good submissive and he was good at doing that. So I mistakingly thought we were becoming a Master/slave couple. We were living together in a cottage, but I was also living with my Dad. But then last night he drove me back to my Dad's and left me there without a single word. So I don't' know what's up. I'm beginning to feel like he was grooming me so I'd know how to please him whenever he decided he wanted some of me, like a whore on the side or something." "But you don't know that for sure. You're in pain and it's not the kind of pain that you usually get off on. This is more abusive than the kind of abuse you enjoy, which isn't really abuse anyway. I mean, did he ever force something on you that you weren't willing to at least endure?" "No. Never. I wanted it all and I was willing to extend myself when he was demanding it. I was always willing."
"Ah. But you were not willing for him to do what he did last night." "Correct."
"But unfortunately, you're not sure what's really going on since he never spoke to you about any of it other than to tell you to take your backpack when you guys left for pizza."
"Yes, Brian. This really sucks."
"I'm sure it does. And let's face it, there's always so much of that type of playing around in the gay world that it gets really frustrating and sickening."
"And heartbreaking," I added, because that was how I was feeling now. Brian gives me a hug and holds me, giving me the space to bear the pain of it all.
"I really like you, Brian, and I appreciate you especially right now." "I'm honored. So might I summarize for you? Maybe it will help you make more sense out of it all."
"Please, Brian, go ahead."
"You have just had an experience which you would not ever want to have again. I'm speaking about last night, not the entire time you were together." I nodded.
"But, before that happened, you were having a wonderful time." I nodded again.
"You were really imagining, or at least hoping that you were on the way to becoming a stable couple." Nod.
"So, anyway. I think you've discovered two important things."
"What, Brian? I'm not sure I follow."
"First: you discovered that you could really be happy in a bdsm relationship with someone who turned you on. And secondly: you discovered that you absolutely did not want to be involved in some kind of one-again, off-again, or FWB, or `I'll call you when I want you'" type of deal."
"Brian you're brilliant."
"But now comes the hard work, dude. You have to make sure you don't continually fall for the second type of situation."
"That might be harder than it looks."
"Definitely. It does force you to take chances."
"Ain't that the sad fucking truth."
"Welcome to my world," chuckles Brian. "You took a chance with me and didn't find what you need but accepted the fact that we can be really good friends. As far as I'm concerned, we both win here. Nice sex, I can usually find, at least at our age. Good friends are a lot more rare." When I got home late that night, I thought over all the things that Brian had to say and I was no longer feeling so beaten down by what happened with Bobby. The next day I ran into him. He was waiting for me as I left one of my classes. He had my schedule. I was taken aback, but Bobby spoke up quickly. "You weren't in class yesterday. You sick or something?" And he was talking to me exactly the way he used to when I was his sub or whatever-the-fuck I was. "Oh," I said. "I dropped the course." And I walked away from him, congratulating myself. But before I realized he was following me. Fuck! I guess I'll just have to level with him. I came to a bench and sat down on it. He was quickly beside me. "I was going to invite you over when I saw you in class, so you missed out." "I didn't miss out on anything. I decided that I'm not interested in the kind of situation that you seem to want."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not going to be some submissive faggot you can keep as part of your stable and come running every time you decide you want me. No way. Not interested." And I started to get up again, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back down.
"Take your fucking hand off me," I said, quietly and deliberately. "I don't have a fucking stable, boy," he said. "you're enough of a slave for me."
"Slave? Never heard of a slave that would be allowed to live off on its own."
"I get it. So you think that if you were my slave, I wouldn't give you any freedom to take a break if you needed to?"
Now that confused me. "Was that what you were doing?"
"More or less."
"but how was I do know that?"
"I figured it didn't matter what you knew. You're a slave."
"Wow. You skip over all the important stuff."
"what do you mean?"
"For starters, communicating about me possibly—and I say possibly---being your slave. then what would that mean, etc. But you just started thinking that it all had really happened."
"You sure as fuck made it seem like that's what you wanted, or maybe just needed."
"But that didn't give you permission. Actually, it was more like the nasty fact that there are really enslaved victims all over the world and in this country as well. You were trying to make me into that kind of slave. I'd be owned and disciplined and I had no choice in any of it at all unless I found a way to escape. So guess what? In that scenario, I did it. I escaped. I'm not going to become that type of slave for any man, no matter how hot or alpha he might seem. For me it's a gay game we play."
"Okay, let me take some time to think about what you're saying. I'm sorry if you felt I was treating you that way. I'd never given it any thought." "Well Bobby, if I ever find the type of Master I think I need—no, I KNOW I need, that Master will necessarily be a very deep thinker. Someone who can get in there with me without having to do it by whipping or fucking me. Not that those things won't happen quite a bit."
"I see. Not to change the subject, but are you okay at your Dad's place? Do you need anything? Please don't hesitate to ask if you do."
"thank you, Bobby, I think I'm fine. Dad came home early this morning. I haven't even had time to say hello."
And we part ways. When I got home, I took a long walk just to try to clear my head. Everything was getting far too complicated. I know a dude who's given up on cruising or using apps to find action, but when he gets in the mood, he beats and tortures himself with a bunch of toys he'd managed to find, and that was basically that. I think I can understand why he would end up doing it that way. Sounds sad, but he's never struck me as a sad person. In fact, he's generally very upbeat, and it's not an act. So different strokes for different folks.
So now I have to make a decision. I could actually end the story right here. Bobby failed the test. He didn't manage to break me in. Actually, it almost seems like I broke him.
So really, this is the end of THAT story, but not the end of MY story. Stay tuned for what happens next.
Please write me and let me know what you think of this new story. subkodak25@gmail.com
Here are the other stories I have posted, with the dates where you can find them:
The Alex Chronicles 9/25/2022 Sweet Subjugation 1/15/2023 Brandon's Bosses 4/3/2023 Brandon's Brothers 5/19/2023 Total Subjugation 5/25/2023 Tommy Loves His Sub 8/17/2023 Training Toby 12/31/2023 Breaking me in—current
Can anyone suggest another site where I could post these stories?
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