Flashing at Breedum Hung U.
[A note from the author: Hey, fans, thanks for writing! This episode includes some elements inspired by reader comments, so I do respond to and enjoy getting mail.]
Psychology professor Globo Starch twirled a pen in his fingers as he gave Junior the lowdown on his latest experiment. "Professor Laud Humphreys, in the late 1960s, performed field research into the behavior of men in tearooms'--you know, those notorious-but-secret cruisy restrooms. He was able to personally observe men engaging in sexual acts, and then secretly follow them to their cars and even to their residences to learn who they were. He found that a preponderance--54%--of tearoom habitues were straight. This is a finding of the greatest importance, as it relates to the very definition of sexual normalcy. I wish to continue and expand on this work, as there has been very little research on this topic in the intervening years. In particular, I want to trace back the straight men's initiation into this practice. Did some other fellow simply grab their penis and they liked the feel of it? Did they observe other men ejaculating from gay sex and want to try getting off that way? Did they observe such a large penis that they became excited and couldn't help themselves? I want to measure the probability of various scenarios, so I will create these situations in the field where all the normal' inhibitions are in play. My plan is to start with the latter scenario; inducement by phallus giganticus. It's well-established that straight men prefer massively endowed actors in their heterosexual porno, so I expect success here. I understand you, Junior, have the largest male member in the school at this point. Would you be willing to lend your endowment to the pursuit of scientific truth?"
Junior felt honored. "Prof, if I can use my dick as a scientific instrument, I'd be proud to work with you."
"Excellent!" the professor enthused. "The experiments will be conducted in public restrooms. You, then, will hang out and exhibit yourself, recording the reactions of the test subjects that happen by, and any action they get into. Here I have a pair of glasses fitted with several hidden cameras pointing in all directions, plus a microphone, along with a miniature digital video recorder. You have three hours of recording time on a charge, which should be enough."
The professor now spoke in a more serious, contemplative tone he assumed when faced with uncertainty. "Now, we must be sure that the test subjects are in fact straight or probably so. The only way I can imagine is to locate the tests where exclusively straight men are likely to congregate. Do you have any suggestions, Junior?"
"Um, how about an Army base?"
The professor guffawed. "The spunk is flying in all directions such places! No, I'm sure they have all been initiated already."
"Er, maybe a straight porno store?"
The prof smacked his forehead and chuckled. "Just try to find one of those shops without glory holes between the video booths! No, too much straight-man cum is slurped there."
"Uh, a swingers' convention?"
The professor raised his eyebrows. "Ah, yes! Proven straight by their very reason for being there! Male swingers are known to avoid any contact with each other during their activities. They're sexually adventurous only up to a point. Indeed, that could be our first experimental venue."
In the early 1960s the Hotel Astro had been a centerpiece of the "renewed" downtown district, where ornate Art Deco movie palaces and 19th century dance halls once graced the main street, only to be razed and replaced by clean modernity. Soon after, everyone--except for the winos--fled to the suburbs, leaving space-age concrete buttresses to crack and crumble in streaks of brown rust and gray grime. The hotel these days was cheap to rent, becoming a venue for all sorts of sleazy events. Wife-swapping weekend fuckfest? Porno movies in the ballroom? Nudes floating on pool noodles? Welcome, honored guests!
Participants at the swingers' conference could only register as couples, so Junior brought Horse Girl along. Who else could handle his monster? "Here's the plan." Junior spoke softly once they clipped on their "hello, my name is:" badges. "We'll get into some action with each other at first, so I can show off what I've got. Then I'll head to the men's room and start the experiment."
Horse Girl had read the agenda and offered suggestions. "The orgies start later in th' day. We gotta hang out in lectures an' workshops first. There's one called Handling an Oversized Penis.' You just gotta go there an' raise yer hand an' say but nobody could ever take mine' or sumpin like that." She ran her hand down his pant leg, near the knee, to feel the ridge of his glans. "Sit where this bulge-fillin' thing shows off. They'll look down when they hears what you're complainin' about."
"And you?" asked Junior.
"I'm gonna be in the class on suckin' cock! There's a lecture, an' then there's a lab!"
When Junior and Horse Girl entered the main orgy room, people were already going at it in naked clusters of two, three, four, and so on, creating a jiggling obstacle course for anyone making their way across. It was expected that guests should initially show up in fashionable fetish gear, so Horse Girl had purchased clothing items for herself and Junior at the local sex shop, designed to shamelessly display their respective genital endowments. This garnered attention from nearly everyone, particularly men, whether or not they were currently engaged in libertine action.
Junior noticed one man who appeared to be seriously distracted by Junior's third leg, even while rapidly fucking a supine middle-aged woman with her legs tucked under her arms, trying to bring her off as promised. ("So your premature ejaculator husband can't satisfy you? That's lame, but all too common. With this thing here I can pop any pussy on the planet. My relentless cock can outlast even the most frigid old maids, who, after an hour or two of my patented high-speed humping, are transformed into insatiable, multi-orgasmic nymphomaniacs!" "OK, stud, gimme your best shot.") Junior turned to give the guy a clear view, while tugging and exciting himself a little to make the head extend down past the knee. The fucking man stared intently as Junior's firehose steadily gained length, until he winced and spasmed and squirted spunk into his paramour's pulchritudinous pussy. She expressed her disappointment at his lack of stamina, reproaching him for selling her on his professed studliness. "But babe, your pussy is just so good, the best cock-milker I've ever been in, a porn star wouldn't last two minutes..."
Based on this early indication of his erotic influence, Junior decided to set himself up with Horse Girl for maximum exhibitionistic effect. Selecting an empty spot in the middle of one wall, he found a chair and sat with his legs spread wide. Horse Girl proceeded to blow and jack him up to full erection, though she could barely swallow the bulbous cockhead and needed two hands to encircle the shaft. Junior's whanger was considerably bigger than before, after his summer stint at the biofuels cum factory. Dozens of machine-induced, ball-draining orgasms a day gave him superhuman size and capacity, boosting his popularity at school. Now he was prepared to show off for a het audience, to see if he could turn straight studs gay for a few minutes. Time to display some cock-in-pussy action.
Junior got up and maneuvered Horse Girl to stand with the wall-side leg on the floor and the other on the chair, so that a fuck from behind would show off his monster at full length minus what was stuffed in her vagina. Her sloppy cunt could stretch just enough to accommodate the thickness, but when he started his porn star act her cervix got a royal pounding. This began to hurt, but she took it for the sake of Science. Everyone in the room was watching the spectacle while continuing whatever they had going, except now the orgasms were happening more frequently as people took in the live fuckfilm. Women marveled at Horse Girl's capacious cunt as much as at Junior's incomparable cock, while men became as susceptible to stimulation as hair-trigger adolescents, erupting in a fraction of their usual endurance time. Just when Junior started to think he could clear the playing field of jizz loads, Horse Girl couldn't take it any longer.
"Honeybunch, can we take a breather for a li'l while? My pussy's achin' somethin' awful. I feel like I been gut punched by a pile driver."
Junior desisted, standing with his half-cunt-juice-covered dick looming over her as Horse Girl flopped onto the soft padding holding her stomach, her heavy bazooms covering her forearms. Frustrated, he figured maybe it was time to visit the men's room and begin the real experiment. As he made his way through the admiring crowd, he could hear some men already coming on to his girlfriend. "So, he's too big to satisfy you, is he? How unfortunate. Now, I've got one here that's just the right size for a girl like you, and I know how to treat you right, you curvy cutie."
The restroom had been fitted out with an industrial dishwasher hose and a special low sink so that guys could hose down their junk after a bout with a juiced-up vagina. This was a result of the hotel's popularity as a locale for group sex events. So too the special "masculine" or "extra large endowment" toilets, with extended bowl fronts and low water levels to accommodate unusual cocks and balls. Junior was familiar with these from school, but didn't expect to see them here. Of course, maybe large dicks prevailed at these special events and the hotel had gotten complaints about inadequate facilities. He lowered his pants, stood beside the special hosedown sink and washed his penis, visible from all over the room.
Soon enough, a few men from the orgy room trickled in. They'd basically stalked Junior to here, to get a closer look at that monster. One man with a prominent bulge stood at the urinal next to Junior's sink and flipped out his half-hard cock. As he stood without pissing, he kept looking sideways at the industrial-sized meat hose, getting nervous as his cock blatantly stiffened. To make sure Junior knew he was straight, the man started to talk about chicks. "Boy, you sure gave it to that big-titted bitch of yours, huh? Too much for one girl to take, I guess. How do you find pants that fit? Or cunts for that matter! Ha! I know some super hot twats that'd love what you got. Take my wife, for instance. Please! Haha! Er...Rodney Dangerfield...um." The guy's boner was pointing at the ceiling and dripping precum at this point.
Junior decided that it would be OK for him to spring a boner too, so he pretended to accidentally over-crank the hot water faucet. "Uh-oh, water's too hot. It's givin' me a hardon." The warm water expanded Junior's crank until it spanned the width of the sink and kept going.
The man at the urinal watched this miracle open-mouthed, then grabbed his rock-hard, drooling stiffy while uttering "Oh fuck!" He rapidly jacked his dick and seconds later spewed a long series of cum ropes, decorating the urinal with slimy streaks. Suddenly embarrassed now that his adventuresome spirit was shot, he crammed his still-hard cock back in his pants and bolted.
A social boundary had been crossed, and the three other men who had been watching the spectacle felt like doing what they had just seen. They all pulled out their rigid peckers and masturbated shamelessly, taking full advantage of the rare opportunity to see in person what they'd jacked off to in pictures. Junior felt honored and displayed himself openly, jacking his own dick in time to theirs. Usually when he did this it was for his admirably-endowed schoolmates, but these guys were respectable if you take into account that they only had to impress women. The one in the middle started looking down lustily at the others' cocks, and brazenly reached for the larger-hung guy next to him. That fellow let him grab and jack the thing at high speed, which surprised and excited the bigger-dicked man, resulting in a near-immediate ejaculation. His cock handler kept on working till the meat tube was drained, and then spun around and did the same to the guy on his other side. "Who's this brash jacker?" Junior mused to himself. "Are there variations in how incipiently queer straight men are? Is he just less inhibited, more gregarious, a veteran of gay practice? I'll bet that big dick guy gets this kind of attention all the time, so he was easy. Or, with the mood they're in, maybe they're ready for anything. I wonder." The cock-handler's second target soon launched jets of jism into the air, triggering a torrent of spooge from the wanker himself, yanked out by his other hand. The three of them quickly left, but the brazen jackoff artist turned back to Junior and smiled.
How nice, thought Junior. "I've inspired them. Maybe this is new for them and maybe it's not, but I bet they never thought they'd do what they did today." Oh shit. "The glasses! I didn't record all this on the spy camera glasses. Well, fuck it, I'll just have to give the prof an oral report."
When junior returned to the orgy room--again dressed only in naughty underwear--to retrieve Horse Girl, she was in no mood to leave. Two reclining guys with their legs entwined pressed balls to balls to provide two adjacent (and tall!) cocks for her pussy to ride, while she slung her massive tits around a third thrusting dick, sucked another, and jacked off two more. "First guy to cum is a loser!" she impishly announced between slurps.
"Everybody gets off but me" lamented Junior, looking on.
Professor Starch was not pleased with Junior for having forgotten the camera glasses. Junior provided a verbal recounting of the episode, but the prof insisted that he needed more information, and Junior didn't know what to observe and take note of, which is why objective data was needed. Contrite, Junior agreed to conduct another experiment with the glasses on this time.
In the rural part of the state was a megachurch run by a homophobic pastor, an alt-right rising star with a now-banned Youtube channel. Junior would have to hang out in the church restroom and do his best to seduce men fearful of the Homosexual Agenda and potent gay cocks. It would be a hard sell.
Driving 200 miles by himself, Junior could have taken Horse Girl along, but he was miffed at her after the swingers' convention. She was such a cock magnet, she'd probably be handling peters in the pews while the pastor quoted Paul, extracting semen during the sermon. It was as if she was a gay sexpig in a woman's body and even that body had some masculine attributes. She was taller than most men, with powerful shoulders and long legs, offset by a massive set of low-hanging knockers and a prominent ass. She had a take-charge tendency in sexual encounters, and was a hopeless size queen. These were all perfect qualities in a woman as far as Junior was concerned, but right now he felt sort of abandoned.
The swooping glass-and-steel church building was intended to be reminiscent of an angel flying to heaven, although it looked more like an airport terminal surmounted with a Christian-cross radar antenna. The people entering were all stereotypically American, particularly the thick-assed women. Junior noted one with unusually wide hips and far-spaced legs, a cluster of kids and a short, scrawny husband in tow. "Now there's a sure mismatch of plug and socket" thought Junior, imagining impregnation could only occur if the lack of significant friction was offset by penile oversensitivity. He was not in a friendly mood.
After welcoming the congregation and invoking the Holy Spirit, the red-faced pastor was soon on a roll. "And these faggots, these buggers, are they just innocent victims of the Devil and his tricks? Are they merely addicted to carnal satisfaction? No! The vile acts they do are an abomination even unto them! They only engage in this filth so that God will be offended, seeing the tolerance they are shown by the depraved, degraded liberal elites and godless egghead intellectuals! The Lord will look down upon our once-great country and turn his face away in disgust, allowing our nation to crumble like the colossus with feet of clay we read of in Daniel chapter 2 verse 34. Then the Devil's work will be done, and the fruits and poofters will have fulfilled their horrible agenda and lie with each other no more. And shall we allow this? Shall we ourselves turn away in disgust and fail in our duty to Jesus? No! Does it not say in Psalms chapter 2 verse 9, `Thou shalt break them with a rod of iron; thou shalt dash them in pieces like a potter's vessel' ? So much greater is God's iron rod than the puny rod of flesh wielded by the lustful queers!"
After almost an hour of this, some men got up for a piss break. Junior, wearing his glasses, figured the experiment should begin.
In the men's room a row of three urinals faced a row of three stalls, with the sinks at the end. If he stood at the middle urinal this would force others to stand next to him, and if he was far enough back to keep his dick from contacting the porcelain he could be seen from anywhere in the room. Standing close would require Junior to fold his hose nearly in half, restricting the flow. Better to use two hands to cradle it while the tip hangs down toward the bowl, letting it sag in the middle to show it isn't erect. Squeezing the urethra with his fingertips, Junior was able to restrict the flow of piss to a trickle, enabling him to visibly emit water but take forever doing it, to justify his loitering.
Several men came up to the adjacent urinals, took furtive sideways glances at Junior's flaccid firehose, and left without pissing. Did they become so psychologically uncomfortable that they fled the scene? Did they just want a close look? Did they start to get so hard they couldn't pee? Even though they successfully hid their stiffening dicks in their hands (which is something Junior's schoolmates could never do), it was clear these guys had trouble putting it back in their pants and couldn't hide the bulge as they walked out. Some men left the urinals to hide in the stalls and let their dicks soften enough to piss, which Junior could hear. Others in the stalls stayed so hard they gave up or were talented enough to pee through their hardons, resulting in a spray rather than a stream into the toilet. The difference was audible, and duly recorded by the microphone on Junior's spy glasses.
Junior heard organ music and the room was vacant for a while, until a rather skinny man came in. Junior recognized him as the wimpy husband of the wide-hipped woman. He stood uncomfortably at the adjacent urinal, trying not to be seen staring, creating a distraction with nervous banter. "Boy, I bet you've broken some bitches in half with that, huh?"
To which Junior responded "If I can get it in at all! But they cum so fast the pain's over with pretty quick. Afterwards I gotta go find a horse!"
"Haha. That's one problem I ain't got. I can cum from almost nothin'. On the other hand, my wife's got the Lincoln Tunnel for a pussy, and hasn't cum in years. I bet she'd feel no pain at all takin' that rod."
The small talk didn't help him stay soft, and this guy was at least long enough so that he couldn't hide it anymore. "Oh gosh, I gotta problem now" he said as he revealed a skyward-pointing erection, pencil-thin and uncut.
Junior reassured him. "Don't worry, everybody reacts the same way. Nobody can keep it down once they see this thing. Might as well just let it happen `cause you can't fight it. Hell, I even had locker room jocks going to the john to rub one out after catching a glimpse of it. My friends are used to it, and they can't help themselves either. Straight-arrows all."
The nervous little man was relieved. "Whew. Well, I'm glad t' hear it's common, `cause I sorta feel like that now."
"Go ahead, what the hell" Junior encouraged him in a casual, friendly voice.
At this, the man rapidly fapped his foreskin over his frenulum for a minute while staring at Junior's whatsit, then started to shoot pearlescent jets all over the back of the urinal. It kept coming out of him, one big squirt a second for fifteen or twenty seconds, till the receptacle was nearly full of the stuff. Junior marveled at the volume, wishing he could challenge this guy to a contest. No wonder a stream of kids popped out of his cavern-cunted wife. After finishing and a few more seconds of delirium, he turned to Junior still half-hard and leaking cum. "Here's my card for my tree-trimmin' business. Look us up if you need a horse." He zipped up and left.
After the organ music stopped, several men wearing well-tailored suits arrived in the restroom. Church officials, perhaps? They were more self-confident and gregarious, and didn't mind ribbing Junior about his freakish deformity while they stood sprouting boners at the urinals and nearby. "Looks like it's hard ta piss outta that hose you got! Don't kink it now!" "Hey Zeke, we gotta install one o' them `masculine toilets' in here for our special guest!" "Didn't I see you in an ad for Jockey shorts?" "Watch out, this guy's gonna attract all the fags in the county. They got radar!" At this, one of them nodded to his colleague, who swiped his wallet over a square patch on the wall. The section of wall slid sideways to reveal a hidden room. Dapper dudes with their dicks displayed grabbed Junior by the upper arms and hustled him into it.
Junior thought anxiously "Oh fuck, I'm in for it now. Here comes the rod of iron!"
The room was arranged with a central "throne" on a dais, with the middle of the seat cut out to allow huge something-or-others to hang down from the sitter's crotch. Junior was plunked down on this with his cock still dangling out of his fly. One church official reached into Junior's pants and hauled out his softball-sized balls, letting them dangle down too. Facing the throne were stools with backrests, and in front of those were low chairs. Each well-dressed man unzipped his trousers (which opened far lower than usual, allowing free access to any and all junk) and sat on his assigned stool. A team of smooth-bodied young men in leather fetish harnesses with built-in cock rings emerged from an adjacent room to service the snappily attired church bureaucrats. The young men seated themselves on the chairs in front of their superiors and began to expertly fellate them, giving their hands a half-twist on the upstroke. A look of mature resolve appeared on the bureaucrats' faces as they steeled themselves against cumming too soon.
Junior was assigned his own team of oral experts, who licked and tongued his generous genitals till he was fully erect despite his trepidation. One of them proceeded to insert his preternaturally long tongue deep into Junior's ample piss slit, while another two alternately licked the sensitive spot below. Junior could quickly tell that this was definitely going to do the trick, so settled back and waited for the inevitable.
This whole bizarre setup couldn't be just for him. Who else had sat in this nasty chair? Do they pay porn stars or male prostitutes to give a performance? How do they call up a team of such skillful cocksuckers on a moment's notice? Is the homophobic pastor a horsehung gay exhibitionist who gets off watching his underlings blow loads down the throats of callow youths?
Junior's ruminations were pushed to the back of his mind by the onrush of the urge to cum. These well-trained acolytes knew their business, coordinating the stimulation just right. They enjoyed it too, judging from the stiffness of their far-above-average cocks. Junior grabbed and stroked the two within reach, but the lickers didn't change their steady rhythm, and he soon felt the big event about to start. The fellow with the long tongue pulled it out just in time to get a facefull of spunk, then moved sideways to let the audience witness the remaining jets. Junior pumped hard and long, which was now typical of him. The suits, straining to save their loads for this moment, erupted in unison down the throats of their slurping servants, some spasming so hard they almost fell off their seats. There was something practiced about all this, as though it was a regular ritual, thought Junior, even as he shot his last drops and started to droop.
He reached up and pressed a button on the glasses. A hidden light flashed in his eye, indicating the whole scene had been successfully captured in digital memory.
That evening, in the maintenance shop behind a lot crammed with wood chippers and cherry pickers, Junior roughly banged the broadest, most stretched-out cunt in the county, stretching it even more. Wide-hipped wifey came for the ninth time, while her pencil-dick, bucket-shooter husband blew another load all over himself. Junior imagined Horse Girl witnessing the proceedings. "See this, you bitch?! Now here's a proper pussy!" The Horse Girl fantasy image smiled lovingly.