This is a fictional story that may involve sexual acts between two or more males. If this offends you, why are you here? If you are under the legal age to read sexually explicit material then do not read any further. This story in no way represents any person living or dead. Any resemblance to any real person is purely coincidental.

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Note: The events in this chapter of Brent's Struggle are taking place at the same time as the events in the currently posted chapter of Devyn's Struggle and one that will post soon. It is a bit odd jumping between the two stories so please send me your thoughts. You can send them to keith.96@att.net or devyn.96@protonmail.com.

I do not believe that you have to read Devyn's Struggle to follow the storyline but it might help. You can find the story here:

https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/adult-youth/devyns-struggle/

Brent's Struggle Chapter 45

"Are you alright?" Matt asked. Brent had gone to his room and back out to look out the front windows a dozen times. It was obvious from Matt's observations that the teenager was anxious and nervous. The boy was pacing and more fidgety than normal for him.

"Sorry, I'm just, um..."

"A little nervous?" Matt knew that was an understatement.

"Yes, I, um, it is like...well, I don't know how to put it into words." Brent felt excited and scared. He felt nervous and shy. He and Devyn had not talked much on the phone. They had only confirmed that Devyn would come back on Saturday and was going to spend the night.

"Relax," Bryan said.

"I wish I could." Brent turned back to the window to look back out at the long driveway.

"Try and relax," Matt said. "He will be here soon and this time you two can really talk. I think we are all going to be interested to hear how Devyn has been doing. We did not really have that chance at the hospital."

Brent turned back to Matt. "Um, thanks for letting him stay tonight."

"Devyn can stay any time," Matt said.

"When we talked on the phone, it felt weird. We never had trouble talking before but it was like...I don't know..."

"That you have both changed," Bryan supplied. "You know you have."

"I guess...I thought...well that he would be the same."

"Brent, you've changed. You've been through a life-altering situation." Matt paused. He was not sure that Brent understood that Devyn had also been through a similar life-changing ordeal.

"You know he went through hell when Frank kicked him out," Bryan put in. "He's changed. I know when I talked to him at the hospital he mentioned all these new people in his life. He's a different kid. He talks about Travis like a little brother. I guess in every way that matters, Travis is his little brother."

"I guess." Brent paused. He had known life had been hard on Devyn when Frank had kicked him out. He could remember seeing Devyn at school right after that. Devyn had looked lost and scared. Brent had not realized it then but looking back on those memories he could see it. It made him feel sick at how he had not reached out. He could have helped Devyn. They could have figured out something to help each other. If only Wilson had not gotten inside his head. If only his parents had understood.

"You two will need to get to know each other all over," Matt said. "It might even feel like you are meeting a stranger and on some level you are."

"So do you think that... er... we... um... won't be able to... er..."

"You can't pick up where you left off," Bryan said. "If you were thinking that, then put that idea out of your head."

"He's had to adapt just like you did," Matt said. He got up from the desk, moved to the window, and stood next to Brent. "He's made a new family and friends just like you did."

"I know... but... our friendship... It was like instant. We just, you know, clicked."

"I'm sure you did," Matt said.

"We could see that when we ran into you two, that time at the mall," Bryan said.

"That day was... was... well magical." Brent felt his face burn with some embarrassment. "I know that sounds so sappy but it was. It was like after seeing you two together, that we knew what we wanted and it was that. I mean what you two have."

"It isn't sappy," Matt said.

"It's young love," Bryan said. "It's the best. The only thing better is long and ever-lasting love." Bryan glanced at Matt and there was no doubt in Bryan's blue eyes that he believed that was exactly what he and Matt shared. That sentiment was reflected just as clearly in Matt's green eyes.

"We had been denying our feelings until then. I mean at least trying to deny them. It wasn't working. We gave into them that afternoon. It felt so right when we held each other and when we kissed." Brent could not believe he was telling the two men all of this. What had gotten into him? Was he trying to relive what he and Devyn had shared so he would have that fresh in his mind for when Devyn arrived?

"It was only a matter of time before those feelings broke through," Bryan said.

"My mom always said, you can't stop true love." Matt looked from Brent to Bryan and then back. "She was right about that. The heart knows what it wants and when those feelings are true and reciprocated, you can't stop them."

"So then... er... think Devyn and I can... er be together again?" Brent was trying to hide his hopefulness at the question.

"Brent, it is possible." Matt placed his hand on Brent's back. He felt the boy tense up. He so hoped that Brent would be able to get past that reflex. "But it may take time. It also may never happen."

"You have both changed," Bryan said. "You both have other lives. Devyn may even have a boyfriend."

"Did he say something to you?" Brent looked from Matt to Bryan and then back.

"We did not talk much," Matt admitted.

"A lot was going on," Bryan added.

"Try being friends first," Matt said. "It was how things started off for the two of you before, right?"

"Yes, we did not start... er... realizing our... um... friendship was more until on a camping trip. We shared a bed and... well... we..."

"Did some fooling around, huh?" Bryan's blue eyes sparkled with delight at knowing the two boys had been able to share their first times together.

"No... um... well not much. We were teasing each other and started... er... wrestling around and one thing led to another and we... er..."

"You are so damn cute when you blush," Bryan said.

"Stop it." Brent protested.

"He's right," Matt agreed. He lightly tousled Brent's blonde hair.

"Hey! Don't mess up my hair."

Matt chuckled. "Sorry."

"You know I bet that was quite the sight," Bryan said. "You know, you two wrestling around. Were you dressed or naked?"

"Bryan!" Matt said.

"Well, he's told us this much."

Brent looked down at the wood planks of the floor. "We... er... weren't totally naked. We had on our underwear." Brent could not believe he was telling that to the two men but he knew he could trust them.

It was then the three heard a loud car pulling up outside. "I bet that's the hottie now," Bryan said.

Brent turned to the window to look out at the road and then the driveway. He saw the black jeep pulling up and knew before he saw him that it was Devyn. He watched as Devyn climbed out of the jeep and took a moment to stretch. He looked so good standing there next to the jeep stretching his arms and his back. Brent knew he had holes in his memory but those of Devyn were so clear they could have just happened yesterday. He could remember the first time he had seen the guy mowing the lawn. He could remember then looking at Devyn and thinking how attractive the guy was. He had not even realized at the time that he had done it but he had checked out Devyn's butt as the teenager had been pushing the mower across the lawn. He could also remember how good it felt to touch that tan skin. He could remember how exciting it had been to touch Devyn's chest, stomach, and then the boy's cock and balls.

The images of Devyn's naked body were flooding Brent's mind. He was pulling up memories that he had not recalled until just now. How could he have turned his back on this boy? How could he have denied what they had shared?

"He looks good doesn't he," Bryan said. He had noticed how Brent was staring at Devyn as the boy had climbed from the jeep and stretched.

"Ur...um...yeah." Brent watched as Devyn turned back to the jeep and grabbed a bag from the passenger's seat. The guy looked so good as he started towards the house. Brent had not been able to stop himself from looking at Devyn's butt when the teenager had turned and reached into the jeep. The blue jeans hugged that firm butt tightly. He also could not help but notice how the denim jacket looked perfect on the guy. Brent could remember how Devyn had always looked good in anything and also how good he looked when wearing nothing at all. Brent felt his cheeks starting to heat up. His mind was once again filled with the images of Devyn naked and the intimate acts they had shared.

"STOP THIS!" Wilson's voice was loud in Brent's head. "Those are perverted thoughts!" "He's perverted. He's going to destroy you. He's going to hurt you. You know I'm right. Don't let him in. Do not let him turn you into what he is. Do not become a disgusting deviant like him.

"Get out of my head!" It took every ounce of concentration Brent had to force the voice to be silent.

"You alright?" Matt asked. It seemed that the color was draining from Brent's face. The boy was clenching both hands into fists.

"Er...um yeah." Brent watched as Devyn approached the house. He had a backpack slung over one shoulder. His stride seemed confident. His eyes glanced from the door towards the window. Brent wondered if Devyn had spotted him watching.

Matt could not decide if the look on Brent's face and in his eyes was fear, nervousness, or something else. Matt moved to the door to spare Brent the initial greeting.

Matt pulled the door open just as Devyn was about to knock. "Come on in." The smile on Devyn's lips at seeing Matt made Matt's heart swell. He was so relieved that Devyn was alive and well. He wanted to punch Frank into next year for lying about Devyn.

"Thanks. This is a cool house." Devyn moved hesitantly into the room. He was excited and nervous about spending the weekend here with Matt, Bryan, and especially Brent.

"We are glad you could come back so soon," Matt said.

"Me too." Devyn stepped closer and hugged Matt. "Mrs. Rogers was a little annoyed that I could not be there for another rehearsal but not as ticked as Stacy. She's the girl lead and likes acting with me."

Brent was watching as though frozen to the spot. Devyn was there only feet from him. It felt like a stranger was standing there hugging Matt.

"Hi Kiddo," Bryan greeted. "Let me take that. We've set you up in the loft." Bryan took Devyn's bag from him.

"Thanks, sounds cool." Devyn then turned towards Brent. "Hi."

"Er, hi." Brent's voice was soft. He cleared his throat trying to make his tongue work correctly. "Er..."

"Did you have any trouble finding us?" Matt was trying to help break the ice for Brent. He could feel and see the panic in Brent's eyes.

"I've got GPS on my phone. Although the dumb thing did have me turning on what I think was a dirt road about a mile back. I was sure that wasn't it so I kept driving. "I'm glad I had those directions you gave me."

"GPS can get a bit confused out here," Matt said.

"It does that at the farm too." Devyn looked from Matt to Brent. He wasn't sure exactly how to talk to Brent anymore. Their friendship had been so effortless before. It did not feel right that Devyn did not know what to say to Brent.

"That's a cool-looking jeep," Bryan said. He was also picking up on Brent's panic and the awkwardness between the two boys. He hoped in time Brent would get past that.

"Lee loaned it to me for the weekend," Devyn said. "He's Joe's best friend. They had been friends since birth, probably. I guess Lee's kind of my friend too. He's a bit crazy but he's a good friend."

"He must trust you a great deal to let you have his jeep for the weekend," Bryan said.

"That's Lee. He's loyal and generous. Plus, he's got a car. He keeps the jeep for hunting. I was hoping he would sell it to me cheap but no luck. I'm going to have to start saving up. Joe lets me use the truck whenever I need but it would be nice to have my own car."

"What does he hunt?" Matt asked.

"He claims to hunt deer but I don't think he's shot one since I've known him. I sometimes think he uses it as an excuse to just get away."

"Sometimes the woods can be relaxing," Bryan said. "That's why we live out here. We have some good trails behind the cabin. Brent likes to go walking on them."

"You do?" Devyn turned to look at Brent again. He could see that Brent was nervous. Devyn was feeling the same. He knew he should probably make the first move. He stepped closer to Brent. "Maybe you can show them to me? We could go for a walk this afternoon. I've been stuck in the jeep for several hours."

"Um, sure."

Devyn moved closer. He reached out to hug Brent. "It is good to..."

"Move away from him!" Wilson was ranting inside Brent's mind again. "He's a disgusting pervert. Get away! Back away."

Before Brent knew it, he took a step back from Devyn. "No, don't!"

The memory of his and Brent's last time together in Brent's living room came back to Devyn. He felt Brent's rejection all over again. Had he made a mistake by coming here? "Um... sorry."

"I, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, um, I'm sorry." Brent was kicking himself for being so stupid. How could he pull away from Devyn like that? He was going to mess this all up. "It's... er... me. I've... um... got..." How did Brent tell Devyn that he had a psycho bitch in his head confusing him? How did he explain that any physical contact caused a panic attack? Devyn would believe that Brent was crazy and Brent wasn't too sure the guy would be wrong.

Matt had seen the look of hurt in Devyn's brown eyes. "He's still recovering from the accident," Matt put in.

"Oh right," Devyn kicked himself for not thinking about that. Brent had probably been worried about Devyn injuring him. "Um... are you up for a walk?"

"Er... um..." Brent glanced from Devyn over to Matt. He wasn't looking for permission. He was a little worried about being alone with Devyn. He was sure without Matt and Bryan he would end up making a mess of this reunion.

"Just take it easy and don't overdo it," Matt warned.

Devyn could see Brent was nervous. The guy was probably as nervous as he, himself, was. "Um... if you don't feel up to it..."

"No, I do. "I... er... just..."

"It seems so much has happened to both of us. We... um... like we have to get to know each other again." Devyn wanted to touch Brent to reassure the other boy but he also did not want to add to Brent's stress.

Brent looked down at the floor and then back up at Devyn. "I... um... was just saying something like that to Matt and Bryan."

"We're probably both a bit nervous." Devyn was watching Brent. "I know I am."

"Yes," Brent said. He was a bit relieved that Devyn had said that. Brent had an urge to hug Devyn. He so wanted to feel Devyn's arms around him and to feel Devyn in his arms. "Stop that!" Wilson began ranting inside Brent's head. "Stop that line of thinking. He's twisted. Do not go with him. Stay away from them. Run away from them."

"I'd like to find out what you have been up to. I'm also curious about..." Devyn wasn't sure he should be quite so blunt but he wanted to know how Brent ended up with Matt and Bryan. "Um, how, um..." Devyn glanced from Brent to Matt and then back at Brent, "Is... um... school going and everything?" Devyn had decided to not be quite as blunt in asking how the hell Brent ended up living with Matt and Bryan. He hoped that Brent would fill him in on that though.

"Yeah, I'm... I mean I'd like to know what you have been doing and... er... more about the farm and all."

Matt and Bryan looked at each other and then at the two nervous boys. "Why not go ahead and take that walk," Matt offered. "The fresh air will do you both good."

"We can have lunch when you get back," Bryan said.

"Sounds good to me," Devyn said.

"Sure. I'll grab my jacket. It's in my room." Brent hurried to his room to grab his jacket. "What are you doing!" Wilson's voice was back inside his head. "Don't go anywhere with him. He's the reason you got hurt. He's the reason you started down that path to perversion. Don't become like him. Run from him!" Brent stopped to look at himself in his mirror. He could see Wilson's face hovering over his shoulder. "Get out of my head!" Brent's mental shout was loud but the blonde woman did not leave. "Leave me alone. Go away!" It took considerable effort but he managed to silence her and the image disappeared.

Matt only hesitated a moment after Brent had left the room. He took a couple of steps closer to Devyn. He kept his voice down. "Try and understand. He's been through so much and has an issue with physical contact. It isn't personal. It isn't you. He's that way with everyone. Just try and understand.

Devyn only had time to nod his understanding as Brent came back into the room. He was pulling on his jacket as he moved closer. "Um, you ready?"

"Sure, lead the way," Devyn said.

"Just don't go too far and overexert yourself," Matt reminded.

"I won't," Brent said. He could feel Devyn following him through the living room and out onto the back deck. He could hear Devyn's feet behind him as they crossed the deck and went down the steps to the backyard. Brent was trying to think of something to say but could come up with nothing. It had been so easy before to talk to Devyn. Now he could think of nothing to say.

Devyn moved up beside Brent as they were crossing the backyard towards the trees. Devyn was looking around at the trees and the lawn. Most of the leaves had fallen and the air was a bit crisp. The sounds of the birds chirping came from overhead and the sound of the wind was softly whistling through the mostly bare branches of the trees. "This is different isn't it?"

"Um, what?" Brent was glad that Devyn had broken the silence.

"Living here. It is a lot different than at that cul-de-sac."

Brent had to agree with that. He liked the secluded location of Matt and Bryan's house. "Yes, it is but I like it."

"Me too, I mean where I live. I would have never considered it before but now I can't picture myself anywhere else."

"Matt said you are living on a farm?" Brent had trouble getting that image right in his head. It did not fit the Devyn he remembered.

"Yes," Devyn's lips turned up at the corners in a half smile. "It is not something I had ever thought about but then I never thought I'd be thrown out by Frank."

"Yeah... er... you like it there?"

"I do," Devyn replied. "Joe is awesome and so is Travis. I love them both."

The two had started down the path. It was wide enough for them to walk side by side. The sound of the leaves crunched under their feet as they walked.

"Does this remind you of anything?" Devyn asked when Brent had been silent for a few minutes. It was making Devyn remember that hiking trip with their parents.

"Um, like what?"

"Well, it made me think of that camping trip. You know where we went hiking up to that lake and saw the deer."

Brent did remember that trip. It was not one of the holes he had in his memory. He could remember that trip and how he and Devyn had shared that bed. "I, um, do remember that." Walking in the woods often reminded Brent of that trip. It was one of the reasons he liked walking out here. He wanted to reinforce those memories so they could not be taken away ever again.

"I'm glad. That was kind of a turning point for us. I mean we kind of moved to a... um... well..."

Brent looked over at Devyn. He knew exactly what Devyn was referring to. It had been on that camping trip when they had first started to realize they were sexually attracted to each other. They had both climaxed in the bed they shared. "I... er... that weekend was one of the best."

Devyn was glad that Brent thought that. Devyn had enjoyed that weekend as well. He wished they could have spent more time up there in the woods exploring.

They came to a fork in the path and Brent took the left fork. Devyn followed, trusting Brent to keep them from getting lost.

"You haven't been out of the hospital very long, so don't overdo it." Devyn thought Brent was starting to look a little pale. He did not want to have him pass out.

"I won't. I'm not that weak." Brent could not keep the touch of annoyance out of his voice.

"We don't have paths like this at the farm. There are woods and stuff but nothing as easy to hike as this."

"Bryan keeps it clear. He likes having some easy ones and there are some that are more difficult."

"He and Matt are so cool. I'm glad you have them."

"Me too. They saved me." Brent knew they had saved his life twice now. Maybe they had also saved his sanity. He still was not sure about that.

They made another turn in the path and came to a big log. "I thought we could sit and rest here." Brent indicated the log. He often sat there listening to the sounds of the woods.

"Sounds good." Devyn was glad that Brent had made that suggestion. Brent was looking more pale and Devyn thought Brent needed the rest.

They sat for a few minutes in silence. The only sounds were of the wind in the trees, the birds, and the occasional sound of something skittering through the dried leaves.

"Can I ask you something?" Devyn's voice was serious.

"Er, sure." Brent was a little concerned by the tone of Devyn's voice.

"Inside when I went to hug you, did it embarrass you?"

"No, I, um, just wasn't prepared for it."

"Prepared for it? I'm not sure I understand. Were you worried I'd hurt you? I mean your injury?"

"It's complicated."

Devyn snorted. "Hell, life is complicated."

"That day, the day you, um, came to the house." Brent paused, biting his lower lip. He was looking at the ground. How did he make Devyn understand? "I hurt you that day." Brent had seen the hurt in Devyn's eyes when he had pulled back from Devyn's embrace.

"You did." Devyn decided he needed to be honest with Brent. "A few minutes ago, when you pushed me away, it made me think of that day."

"I'm sorry I did that, Devyn. I was so fucked up. I'm still fucked up." Brent's words were coming fast now. "We were caught and my parents flipped out. They took me to that fucking quack and she had me so screwed up. I just didn't want to be, I didn't want to be gay. I wanted to blame someone for making me this way and she had me convinced it was you."

"You said that to me that day. That I forced you."

"You didn't. I know that now. All I ever got from you was... was friendship." Brent wanted to add `and love' but he was afraid that Devyn no longer felt those feelings for him. He was understanding a bit more now how Alex felt.

"I was angry at you for a long time. I needed a friend that day. I needed my best friend."

"And I'm a lousy best friend. I'm a fucking worthless person."

"Hey! Knock that off." Devyn did not like the way Brent was referring to himself.

"It's true. I hurt you that day. I turned my back on you." Brent knew that Devyn had every reason to hate him. "I'm a horrible person for what I did. I... I..."

"Brent, you aren't horrible or worthless. You were just as scared as I was." Devyn could not believe he was saying this. If anyone had told him on that Sunday afternoon, when Brent had been so cold to him, that Devyn would be sitting there with Brent and telling the boy that he wasn't horrible, Devyn would have said they were crazy. Devyn had been so hurt by Brent but now he had an idea of the pressure that Brent had been under back then. "We were both pushed into a bad situation by our parents."

"You know, I don't blame you if you hate me." Brent looked down at his hands. He picked at one of his fingernails. "You really should."

Devyn reached over and took Brent's hand in his. He felt the boy tense up. He felt Brent start to pull away. "I don't hate you." Devyn tightened his grip, not letting go of Brent's hand. "I was mad at you for a long time. Like I said I needed my friend. I needed my friend that day. If he had been able to be there for me, well I might have made some different choices." Devyn paused before he continued. "Looking back on it now though, I wouldn't change it."

Brent looked up from the ground into Devyn's amazing brown eyes. The gold flecks were there almost glowing. "You wouldn't?"

Devyn's lips curved up into a smile. "No, if something changed back then, then I might not have my life with Joe and Travis and that price would be too high."

"You love them, huh?" Brent knew that Devyn had said only moments ago that he loved Joe and Travis but now it sounded more concrete somehow.

"They are my family."

"Are you and Joe, um, like boyfriends?"

Devyn's lips curved up into a smile. "No, mine and Joe's relationship is not like that. It is something else. We've never been physical. Not that I wasn't ready. The man is damn hot. I've had so many fantasies about him."

"Really?" Brent thought of his fantasy about Bryan. He had felt like a pervert but Devyn didn't seem to mind having fantasies about his father figure.

"I put the moves on the man the first night we met." Devyn could still remember sliding off his underwear and sliding into bed with Joe. He had been ready to give Joe whatever he wanted. At that time Devyn had believed that Joe wanted him for sex. Devyn had not been able to understand that Joe wanted him as family. "Joe was shocked. I was not subtle at all."

"You weren't?"

"No, I just stripped and slid right into bed with him."

Brent's eyes got wide. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, I was a bit messed up. That's a long story."

"Will you tell me?"

"I haven't really talked about much of it with anyone. Joe knows the main points. I could tell him every detail and it wouldn't change how he feels about me."

"He sounds great," Brent said. "He sounds like Matt and Bryan. No matter how I fuck up, they never stop caring."

"Joe is like them. I think they're all awesome men. Just how did you end up here with Matt and Bryan?"

Brent snorted. "That too is a long story."

"Well, I guess I'll tell you mine and you tell me yours. That is kind of why we are here this weekend. You know, to catch up and I guess to get to know each other all over again."

"You know a lot has happened. I'm not sure one weekend is enough to tell it all to you." Brent wasn't sure he wanted to tell Devyn all of it. What would Devyn think of him if he knew how twisted he was?

"You know, you could come to the farm some weekend. You could spend the night and get to know Joe and Travis. Travis is deaf, but he's still the coolest kid."

"Deaf, how do you talk to him?" Brent was not able to keep the surprise out of his voice.

"I sign everything. I put a lot of effort into learning it. It was important for me to fit completely into Joe's family."

"You always were so smart."

"Nah, not really." Devyn was still holding Brent's hand and Brent was not trying to pull away. "Now tell me what you have been up to. Did your folks do like mine and kick you out? Is that why you are here with Matt and Bryan?"

"It is a long story but my parents didn't kick me out. I might have been better off if they had."

"So, you ran away?" Devyn wanted to know more about Brent and how he ended up with Matt and Bryan.

"That's a long story. Probably longer than yours."

"Well, let's start filling each other in."

"It's hard for me to talk about most of it." Brent was looking down at the ground.

"I know how that is. I've got stuff I'd rather not talk about."

"Odd isn't it," Brent said. He looked down the path instead of looking at Devyn.

"What is?"

"I mean us, not talking about stuff. We used to talk about everything."

Devyn could remember that. Right from the beginning they had been able to tell each other everything. "We've been through a lot. I guess it makes it harder."

They sat in silence for several minutes. Devyn knew it was going to have to be him to break through the barrier. Brent had always been a bit more withdrawn. "You know," Devyn began, "I ran into Sue a few weeks ago."

"You did?" Brent had not thought about her for a while. "How is she?"

"She's good." Devyn paused for a moment. "I was surprised when she told me that the two of you dated."

"We, um, went out a few times."

"So, I go away and you waste no time going after my girl?"

Brent could hear the teasing in Devyn's voice. His lips curved up into a smile. "Well, she is so HOT!"

"She's even hotter now. She's, um, filled out in some good ways."

"Hey, I thought you were gay."

"Oh, I am. I was also checking out her boyfriend. He's hot too and he filled out his jeans really well." Devyn gave Brent a suggestive wink.

"Stop it." Brent could not believe he was laughing. He hadn't laughed for so long.

Devyn could feel some of their old closeness coming back. "It was good to see Sue again. That was when I learned that you had been in some sort of accident?"

"Er... yeah..." Brent swallowed. "I don't remember it. I've got some missing time. I was in a coma for a while."

"Shit, I did not know that."

"I didn't remember much of anything. I... er... didn't remember moving into the house across from yours. I didn't remember us or being gay or anything."

"But your memories came back?"

"I've still got a hole there. I... um... saw a picture of you and it... er... triggered my memories. At least the memories of us."

"So...um...what do you remember?"

"I remember us and everything up to when you kind of disappeared from school. I remember going out with Sue. It was right up to that summer break that the gap started. Then I didn't remember anything clearly until I woke up in the hospital."

And that was before this last accident that had you in the hospital?"

"That's right."

"Having that gap in your memory has got to suck."

"It does. I sometimes dream stuff and I don't know if it is something that happened or just a dumb dream."

Devyn could hear the frustration in Brent's voice. He wasn't sure he could fully understand how hard not remembering was on Brent. "That must be damn annoying."

"It is." Brent paused before he continued. "I probably don't have any right to ask this. I was such a prick to you..."

"Go on and ask."

"That day we... er... we were caught and your dad kicked you out..." Brent knew he had no right to ask. He should have helped Devyn that day. He should have stood up to Richard and demanded that Devyn stay with them. He had been so scared and so confused by everything. "Did you go to a shelter or something?"

"No, I wasn't that bright. I wasn't thinking straight. I really had no idea what I was going to do. I ended up going to the movie theater."

"You what?" Brent could not believe it.

"I walked around for the longest time. I even went back home but Frank tossed me right back out. I ended up at the theater. The ticket agent let me in for free."

Brent wondered if that had been Alex. Brent knew that he and Alex had met at the movie theater. Alex had told Brent about how they met when Alex was working at the theater.

"I slept there until I got kicked out of there. Then ended up sleeping in Frank's garage. I did that for a while and then moved into a storeroom in the gym at school."

"You were actually living in the school." Brent could not believe this.

"Yeah, I was lucky for a while." Devyn went on telling Brent about living in the storeroom showering in the gym and then being caught by the night janitor.

"He just tossed you out?"

"He did." Devyn could remember having just taken a shower and that storeroom door being pulled open. He had been naked and still wet from the shower. "He barely gave me time to get dressed."

"Was... was that when you came to my house that Sunday?"

"No, that was a few weeks before I got caught in the gym."

Brent looked down at the ground and then at Devyn. He swallowed before speaking. "Devyn, I... er... I am sorry for that day. I was a dick to you. I... I was stupid. I wish I could do that day over." Brent could feel tears burning in the corners of his eyes. He was trying to hold them back.

Devyn could hear the sincerity in Brent's voice.

"I was fucked up. It is no excuse for how I treated you. You were my best friend and I should have been better." Brent paused. He did not want to use the "but" in his apology. "My Dad was convinced that you manipulated me. He was on me all the time about hanging around with the wrong kind of people. He took me to this doctor... well she wasn't a doctor, at least not really. She turned out to be a fucking psycho bitch. She warped everything and... and... it isn't an excuse but she manipulated me. Kind of like brainwashing, I guess. She also had me on these drugs and... and... I... I..." Brent broke off. He was losing the battle to hold back the tears. He was fighting down the hurt and the pain at what Wilson had done to him.

"Brent, I understand." Devyn knew Brent was not the only one of them who had been manipulated and brainwashed. Tom had done that to Devyn as well.

Brent shook his head. "No, you really can't. What she did to me, that doctor, she had me so messed up. She twisted everything and in here," Brent tapped his chest over his heart, "I knew it was fucked up. I should have stopped it. I just wanted... I wanted to be... well not gay. My parents never looked at me the same after that day. I know I make them sick."

Brent used the hand that Devyn was not holding to wipe away a tear. He tried to regain his composure. He tried but was not sure he was succeeding.

"Brent, I do know how it is to be manipulated." Devyn squeezed Brent's hand. "That happened to me. I was scared and afraid and thought... well... I'm not sure what I thought. I needed someone to trust and I chose the wrong person."

"I never trusted Wilson. I mean not really. I think on some level I knew she was hurting me but... but..."

"But you thought that maybe you deserved it?" Devyn supplied.

"Yeah, you know for... for being gay."

Devyn nodded his understanding. "It seems we might have both been doing the same thing... you know, punishing ourselves for just being gay."

Brent wiped away another tear. "Wilson had me so messed up. She's a psycho bitch but I can't blame everything on her. I have to take some responsibility for my actions and that Sunday that I turned away from you and from us... for that I am terribly sorry. I would do it differently today. I would not do that to you."

Devyn believed that Brent meant that. He understood how hard having been caught together having sex had been on both of them. "We all make mistakes. All we can do is try and not repeat them."

"I'll never repeat that one." Brent's voice was filled with his conviction. Brent squeezed Devyn's hand. It felt good sitting there and holding Devyn's hand. It made Brent feel like maybe they had a chance at getting back what they once had. Brent turned again to look into Devyn's eyes. "Then you forgive me?"

Devyn knew he had already forgiven Brent when he had seen him in the hospital. "Yes. We were both messed up by our folks. It sounds like you were even more messed up by this Wilson."

"I was. She... er... she manipulated me and... and..." Brent could not bring himself to tell Devyn what all Wilson had done to him. At least he was not ready to do that yet.

Devyn could hear something in Brent's voice when the blonde boy tried to talk about Wilson. It was a mixture of fear, tears, and anger. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Brent looked down at their joined hands. "Part of me wants to tell you but it's so...so sick and twisted."

Devyn wondered just what this woman had done to Brent. "Maybe over time."

Brent wanted to get the topic off him and Wilson. "So how did you run into Sue? Or did you go and see her?"

"Well, my friend Sam and I ran into her at this concert," Devyn told Brent about the chance meeting with Sue and her boyfriend. "Sam and I were both shocked when we found out she thought I was dead."

"Wow, your parents told her that too? I know they told Matt and my parents. I guess I didn't understand that was how they were explaining away their son's disappearance."

"It seems Frank would rather have a dead son than a gay son. He was saying that shit to everyone." Devyn could not stop the anger from creeping into his voice.

Brent could hear the anger in Devyn's voice but he also thought he heard the hurt under that anger. He gave Devyn's hand a slight squeeze. "Did you, um, I mean have you seen them or talked to them?"

"That was what prompted my visit when you were in the hospital. Joe thought I needed to see them to have some sort of closure with them. Plus, I wanted to see Matt again. I just had no idea that I'd find you with Matt and Bryan."

"I'm sure that was unexpected." Brent paused before asking the next question. "If... If I had not been with Matt and Bryan, would you have tried to see me?"

"That was also one of the things I was considering. It was going to be hard though as your dad and Mom definitely did not want me visiting...at least that was the impression I got."

"You are right. They didn't but I did and do."

"Joe and I were going to work out something to try and at least let you know I wanted to talk but well... that plan wasn't needed."

"Did you go see your mom and Dad?" Brent wondered how that meeting went. He wondered if it was as horrible as his own visits with his parents.

"Joe had it all set up through my case worker." Devyn tried to keep it brief but he let Brent know all the important points of the meeting with Judy and Frank's absence.

"Wow, he didn't even show up?" Brent could not believe that. "Do you think it made it better?" Brent wondered if his visit with his mom would be easier without Richard there.

"I think it did," Devyn said. "It was still tense but I think she was at least trying some. I don't think Frank will ever try."

Brent looked down and then at Devyn. "Richard is the same. The only thing he wants to try is conversion therapy. He seems to think there is a twisted treatment for making someone not be gay. That's... That's where I was in this crazy conversion clinic. That was where Matt and Bryan... er... found me."

"Found you?"

"Well, I... er... called them for help. It... It was... hell."

Devyn could hear the tremble in Brent's voice. "I bet it was. At least you were able to escape from there."

Brent knew he could not betray the trust that Matt and Bryan placed in him to not tell how he and Steven had escaped from the clinic. Brent was certain that he could trust Devyn but the secret was not his alone to share. "Steven and I barely made it out of there but we did."

"Steven must be a special guy."

"He is," Brent confirmed. "He helped me keep my sanity in there. He went through a similar hell as I did." Brent did not believe Steven's torture was as bad as his own but it had been close.

Devyn wished he had been able to have a friend like Steven but he had been alone in his own hell with Tom. "It sounds like you had the people there for you when you needed them. Kind of like me. I had Joe's sister when I needed her and she got me Joe when I needed him."

"I guess maybe the right people were there when I needed them most." Brent knew that Matt and Bryan had saved his life at least twice.

"Have you seen your parents since you got out of there?"

"I had these stupid visitations with them... they... er... never went well. At the last one... um... well Richard told me you were dead. It... well... It was like being sliced open. Only it hurt more. I think he did it to hurt me."

"I'm sorry about that."

"It wasn't your fault. It was Richard. He...he hates me. I sicken him."

"I think I do the same to Frank. So, you have refused to go back?"

Brent snorted. "I did not have to. Matt put an end to them. He said I'd never have to go back to see them unless I wanted to. I thought Richard was actually going to hit Matt but Bryan put a stop to that."

Devyn chuckled. "I bet he did. I would not want to piss him off and I think attacking his husband would bring out the big bad Marine."

"It did. It only took one look to make Richard tuck tail and run." Brent had not realized until now that he had ever seen that. He had not been able to process anything but the pain of believing Devyn was dead. "He's normally so easygoing and fun that it was like he was almost a different person."

"Yeah, he's always seemed a bit less serious than Matt." Devyn could remember the sexual innuendos that Bryan would toss out. "He's a big guy so it would not be smart to piss him off."

"Definitely not but both of them have only been... well... like what a dad should be." Brent knew that both Matt and Bryan had been better to him in the brief time than his own father.

"They are great," Devyn agreed. "They are also hot. They both fill out a pair of jeans really well."

"Geez Devyn."

"Well, they do. It is kind of hard not to notice. Bryan is actually hotter than I remember."

"You should see him working out." Brent could not believe he was saying this. He could feel some of the old closeness coming back. He was growing increasingly comfortable with talking to Devyn. It was becoming easy just the way it had been right in the beginning with them.

"Oh, damn I bet that is hot. I should have brought workout clothes."

"He's even hotter naked."

"Holly shit, you've seen him naked."

Brent could feel his ears burning. He could hear the beginning of Wilson's voice in the back of his head. He knew he was going down a dangerous road. "Yes, fully. He's, um, definitely hot. Both him and Matt are."

"I bet they are. They would both be fun to... um... check out in the buff."

Brent could not help but think Devyn and Steven were similar when it came to sex. They both seemed to be more comfortable with it. Brent wondered if he would get that way or had Wilson twisted him so much that he'd never be comfortable with it. He had started to hear her voice in his head a few moments ago but had managed to silence it. Was he overcoming her influence? Would it just take more time?

"Brent, Brent," Devyn repeated Brent's name again.

"Er... um. What?"

"You were, like a thousand miles away."

"I... um... was just thinking."

"Those must be some big thoughts."

Brent shrugged his shoulders. "Just, um... well about stuff."

"I was asking if you thought we should get heading back?"

"You getting hungry?"

"Yes, I kind of am. I left early and only had coffee for breakfast."

"Then let's go back." Brent stood up to head back.

Devyn got up from where the two had been sitting. "Um, before we do..."

"Yes," Brent turned towards Devyn.

"I'd like that hug." Devyn stepped closer. His eyes were looking into Brent's.

Brent swallowed nervously. He had been able to push down Wilson's voice but he knew the physical contact might bring her back.

Devyn could feel Brent's hesitation. "It's alright, Brent. It's me." Devyn put his arms around Brent. He realized he was a couple of inches taller than Brent now.

Brent slowly put his arms around Devyn. He felt Devyn pull him tighter. Their chests were pressed together. Brent felt the voice in the back of his mind. He felt it growing stronger as he hugged Devyn. He tried to suppress the raging bitch's voice but was losing that fight. "This is wrong. This is the pervert that started you down the road to perversion. This is abnormal. Push him away. Push this perverted boy away. Do not let him corrupt your moral center. Do not let him make you a disgusting perversion of nature." Brent pushed and fought to push her voice from his head. He held Devyn tighter. He held him and battled with Wilson.

Devyn could feel the tension in Brent's body. He could almost sense that there was some sort of struggle going on inside Brent. Devyn pulled back to look into Brent's blue eyes. "You are alright."

"Er... sure... it... um... You're taller." Brent grasped at the only thing he could think of. He and Devyn had been the same height before. Now it seemed Devyn was a couple of inches taller than he was.

"I picked up on that too," Devyn said. "I guess we've both changed."

"Um, yeah, I guess." Brent could still hear Wilson ranting at him. He tried hard to wall her off from his conscious mind. "We'd better get... er... you know, head back."

"Sure, sure"

#

Matt and Bryan exchanged a look when Devyn and Brent returned from the hike. They seemed more relaxed than before the hike. Matt had almost thought they were holding hands when they had come out from the trees and across the lawn.

"Did you two have a nice hike?" Matt was watching them both as they came through the door.

Brent shrugged out of his jacket. He looked at Devyn. "I think so."

"Yes, I needed that after the long drive," Devyn confirmed. "You've got some nice walking trails out there. How much of the woods do you own?"

"About fifteen acres. Do you have a lot of woods where you live?" Matt was curious about Devyn's new life. He knew a bit from their talk at the hospital but not as much as he would have liked to know.

"There are some woods. Joe owns a lot of land but it is mostly for crops and pasture. The trails are not as well maintained as these."

"I wanted to have an easy way to go for a walk in the woods. It's relaxing," Bryan said.

"It is." Devyn agreed.

"We kept lunch simple," Matt said. "We weren't sure how long you two would be gone. Bryan had started the tomato soup earlier this morning and I'm going to throw together grilled cheese."

"Sounds perfect," Devyn said.

"I'll show you to the bathroom and where stuff is while Matt and Bryan finish up." Brent led Devyn down the short hall to the bathroom. "My room is there," Brent pointed, "and Matt and Bryan's is there."

"Thanks," Devyn said. "Is everything alright? You got a little quiet out there."

"Did I?"

Devyn set to washing his hands. "You did. Did I say something? Or do something on the way back?"

"No, you, um, you have been more understanding than I deserve." Brent was looking down at the floor. How did he tell Devyn that there was a raging bitch inside his head telling him that Devyn was a twisted pervert?

Devyn dried his hands and touched Brent's chin. He felt Brent flinch at the physical contact. In some ways, Brent was reminding Devyn of a skittish animal. It was as though the other boy was waiting for a blow to fall.

Brent tried to push down the surge of panic Devyn's touch caused. He thought he had been getting over it. He had believed it was getting easier but Devyn's touch was different. Maybe it was because they had been intimate. Maybe because they had sex that it was causing a stronger reaction.

"It's just me Brent. I'm not going to hurt you. You know that, right?"

"It isn't you." Brent paused. "I'm messed up, Devyn. I'm all fucked up."

"We are all messed up to some extent," Devyn said. "I'm not sure you are as fucked up as you think."

Brent could remember Alex saying almost those same words to him. He could see now that Alex did resemble Devyn some. Had Brent only started dating Alex because he looked like Devyn? How much more fucked up would that make him?

"Just try and relax." Devyn lightly touched Brent's upper arm. He felt the blonde boy flinch. Devyn wanted to ask just what had happened to Brent to make him so afraid of the slightest touch.

Brent forced himself not to pull away from Devyn. Maybe it would get easier as they spent more time together. "It's hard to explain. I'm just so..." Brent wanted to say fucked up again.

"You're nervous and excited. You're scared and anxious."

Brent knew that was not exactly right but he did feel that as well. "Something like that."

"That is how I felt the whole drive over. That day we got caught by my folks, and our lives veered off course from each other. It's like that fork we took in the woods. You went one way and I went another. I never thought my path would ever cross yours again."

Brent could not help but wonder if now that they were together again they could get their lives back on course. Could they become boyfriends again? Could they love each other again? "I, I wanted to find you. I've been bugging Matt since... since I got here to find you."

"Well, those paths we took have crossed again and it is both exciting and a little scary. We don't know how we fit together on this new path. It's going to take us a little time to figure it out."

"I guess."

"Guys lunch is ready." Bryan's voice called from the other room.

"Come on. I'm starving." Devyn took Brent's hand and pulled him from the bathroom and back into the kitchen.

Brent's first reaction was to pull away from Devyn but he fought that down. He could feel some of the old excitement returning at Devyn's casual touch.

As the two teenagers entered from the hallway, Matt saw the two holding hands and he felt a boulder dislodge from his stomach. Maybe the two boys would get back some of their old friendship. He wondered if they would get back more.

"It smells fantastic," Devyn said, taking a seat next to Matt at the table.

Bryan and Brent joined Devyn and Matt and the four ate in silence for a moment.

"This is really good guys." Devyn looked from Matt to Bryan.

"Bryan makes a good tomato soup. Actually, everything Bryan makes turns out good."

"I end up doing more of the cooking because Matt works longer hours," Bryan explained.

"I was doing a lot of the cooking while Joe was harvesting the crop. It seemed fair to me to do that while he was working."

"Just how did you end up on that farm so far from home?" Bryan had not been able to hold back his curiosity any longer.

"It's a long and kind of twisted story," Devyn said. "You know my folks kicked me out."

"Yes, but where did you go?" Matt asked.

"I told Brent a little of this while we were walking." Devyn proceeded to fill Matt and Bryan in on where he had gone after his parents had kicked him out.

"Under a tree in the park." Bryan could not believe what he was hearing but he could relate to it some.

"Well, yeah, but I had a stray dog for company. I hope he found a good home."

"Shit Devyn," Matt said. "Why didn't you call me? I knew your dad was not going to react well to you being gay. That's why I made a point of giving you my card. It had my cell phone number on it."

Devyn looked down at his empty bowl. "I think at first I was embarrassed and ashamed."

"You had no reason to feel that way," Bryan said.

"It's just...well...my parents throwing me out...it...um...made me feel..." Devyn shrugged his shoulders. He was not sure how to put it into words.

"Maybe, like you were defective and not wanted," Bryan supplied.

"Yeah, I felt like I had failed them and well then I was concerned that maybe you would think I... um... was... I don't know a pervert or something for being caught having sex." Devyn's eyes briefly met Matt's.

Matt reached over and took Devyn's hand. "Devyn, I'd have never thought that." Matt tried to hide his exasperation. He could not believe that Devyn would think that Matt would judge the boy in that way.

"Believe it or not," Bryan began, "Matt was a teenage boy once. He was having sex with other teenage boys...or at least jacking off thinking about having sex with teenage boys." Bryan's blue eyes twinkled with his mischief.

"You are so not helping," Matt stated but could not stop his lips from twitching at the corners.

"All I can say, Matt, is I was just stupid. There was a wintry night when the rain was turning over to sleet or snow that I decided to call you. I went to get your card out of my wallet but it wasn't there. I guess I lost it somewhere."

"That is crappy luck." Bryan had been watching the play of emotions on Devyn's face.

"You... er... left it in my room," Brent's voice was soft but his eyes met Devyn's. "I found it after... er... we had been studying. I meant to give it back but never got around to it."

Now that Brent had mentioned it, he did remember showing the card to him. Devyn also remembered that they had not gotten much studying done that afternoon. He had been going to have Brent write down Matt's number too but they had gotten carried away. The afternoon had ended with Devyn shooting his load onto Brent and any thought of the business card had vanished from his mind.

Brent could feel his face burning. "I meant to give it back to you but never got the chance. I looked at it a lot after you, um, disappeared. I thought maybe you would have gone to Matt so I started to call a number of times. I mostly just sat there and studied the card. I guess I ended up memorizing the number. It, um, came to me when I needed help. I'm sorry that I didn't give it back to you."

Devyn reached over and squeezed Brent's hand. "It worked out. You had it when you needed it and I ended up where I belong."

"So just how did you get where you belong?" Matt was just as curious as his husband.

"When I didn't find your card in my wallet, I tried to get in somewhere out of the rain and cold." Devyn proceeded to tell them a bit about meeting Tom. "He turned out to be a real slime ball. He got me mixed up in some illegal shit. I was young and innocent looking and Tom knew just how to... um... capitalize on that." Devyn could feel the back of his neck burn at that admission to the men. "He was a master manipulator and I guess I was looking for something I wasn't going to find with him."

"He sounds like a real dirt bag," Bryan said.

"What kind of stuff did you do for him?" Brent asked.

"Stuff I'm not proud of doing," Devyn said. "On my last job, it involved drugs and an undercover cop."

"Shit, Devyn," Matt said surprised. He would have never guessed that Devyn would be mixed up in drugs.

"It worked out though. The cop's partner was Joe's sister," Devyn said. "It might have been...no it was one of the best things that happened to me." Devyn went on to explain about his parents turning their backs on him and then the hearing and how Hannah had gotten Joe approved as Devyn's foster parent. "I'm still not sure how she did it all. She knew just the right people."

"Sounds like you got lucky," Bryan said.

"I did. It was quite the change for me. It was a learning curve for me, the little bit that was left of the summer. I was learning all about farming, tractors, and livestock. Joe taught me to drive the tractors and his truck."

"It does sound like a big adjustment for you," Matt said.

"It was. Things were going good between me and Joe. Then when school started, I started hanging out with the wrong friends. It made the fall difficult for Joe. I had not accepted being gay. I hadn't gotten past the pain and loathing I felt at myself."

"But now you have," Bryan said it as a statement. He could see that Devyn had adjusted. The innocent kid he had known was replaced with a much more mature young man.

Devyn turned to Matt. "I wouldn't change being gay if I could." The words were similar to the ones Matt had once told Devyn.

Matt's lips curved up in a smile. "That makes me so proud of you."

"Thanks," Devyn looked down at his plate. "It took me a while to get there but I understand it now. I mean what you were telling me back then."

Matt reached over and patted Devyn's shoulder. "I'm glad you got there."

"So basically, that is it. I took a strange road but ended up in the right place." Devyn turned to Brent. "Now it's your turn."

"My, my turn?" Brent did not want to talk about himself. He would much rather hear every detail about Devyn's life.

"Sure, I told you what happened to me, now let's hear about you."

Brent looked nervously from Devyn to Bryan. "Ur...I...ah...already told you that I...Ur...don't remember some stuff."

"But what about the stuff you do remember?" Devyn could not stop his curiosity about Brent. He knew there had to be more to the story than what Brent had shared on their walk.

"I think Devyn glanced over some stuff there," Bryan said. "You didn't say what happened to the slime ball." Bryan placed air quotes around the slime ball." Bryan could tell that Brent was not ready to talk about himself so Bryan wanted to focus the topic back on Devyn.

"He's in jail," Devyn stated. "He had me messed up in some... er... bad shit. So, when I was busted, he was as well."

"So... er... were you just selling the drugs for him or did you... or... were you using?" Brent looked at Matt and then over at Devyn. He was sure this was hard for Devyn to talk about but Brent would rather hear about Devyn than talk about himself.

Devyn bit his lower lip before responding. "I was stupid and he... um... knew how to manipulate me. He started me using and... well... then I was hooked."

Brent could remember telling Sue that Devyn was using drugs. He wondered if that had just been a wild lie or had he known on some level what Devyn had been going through.

"Tom was an expert manipulator or I was just damn stupid. Maybe the drugs made me more... um... willing to do what he wanted. I don't know but getting busted by Hannah, Joe's sister, and her partner was the best thing."

"It does seem to have worked out well for you," Matt said.

"It looks like things worked out well for you too," Devyn said, turning to look at Brent. "You got two really hot dads now."

"You're not funny," Matt said.

"Hey, I like being a hot Daddy," Bryan stated.

"Oh, and you are... one really nice-looking daddy." Devyn put extra emphasis on the "Daddy" and ran his eyes over Brian's muscular body. Bryan had gotten up to take his dishes to the sink. "Yeah, and one nice..."

Matt ruffled Devyn's hair. "you're as big a flirt as Bryan."

"Hey, don't mess up my hair." Devyn was laughing.

"What's next for you two this afternoon?" Bryan looked from Brent to Devyn.

"I, um, didn't really give it much thought." Brent wasn't sure what he should do. He had wanted to see Devyn again but was not planning anything beyond that.

"We can do whatever," Devyn said. "I've got no plans. It's going to be like a vacation for me. No calves to feed, no homework to do, and other chores that need doing."

"Well, I'm going to go do some work." Matt got up from the table and headed towards his desk.

"How about since Bryan cooked, we do the dishes." Devyn got up carrying his dishes to the kitchen.

"Um, sure," Brent agreed.

"That's awesome guys," Bryan said. "I actually need to go chop some wood."

After cleaning up the dishes, Brent and Devyn went into his room to watch television. "I've got Netflix and Prime."

"That's cool." Devyn kicked off his shoes and then stretched out on Brent's bed.

Brent grabbed the remote and turned on the television. "There is this cool vampire show. Have you watched it?" Brent was navigating through the menus and brought up the show. "I don't mind rewatching some of it."

Devyn looked at the trailer playing on the screen. He recognized the lead actor. He knew the man intimately. He could remember the guy being a bit nervous about having hired Devyn for the afternoon. "I've watched it some. The lead guy is, um, hot." Devyn knew just how hot the guy was and he knew just what turned him on the most.

"He, um, is," Brent agreed.

Brent started the show. "They, um, show a lot of him, um, almost naked."

"Yeah, I think they save money on the wardrobe budget because he is almost always shirtless or only under a towel or sheet."

"I know."

They watched in silence for a while. It was nice for both of them to sit and relax.

"I always wished they would push the boundaries and pair him up with that other guy."

"Yeah, he's hot, " Brent agreed, "but his character is a dick."

"He is, Robbie needs to show him who is in charge."

"Robbie? You say it so casually."

"Well, um, that is the actor's name," Devyn said, trying to cover.

"I guess that is short for Robert. That is how he is listed in the credits."

They watched a while longer in silence. Devyn wanted to ask Brent so many questions but he could also tell that Brent's memory issues caused him stress.

"Can I ask you something?" Brent was looking at the remote in his hand and not at Devyn.

"Sure," Devyn said.

"Since us, have you, um, been dating?"

Devyn looked at Brent. Brent was still studying the remote. "Not much. I, um, just kind of started seeing a guy from school. He's not out so it makes dating kind of difficult but we spend time together at the farm when we can."

Brent felt a fist squeezing his heart. He should have known a guy as hot and as nice as Devyn would have a boyfriend. "Do you like him?"

"Yes, Charlie, is very likable. He's cute, funny, kind, and caring. He helped me out when I was serving a detention at school. He rode home on the bus with Travis and took care of him until I could get home."

Brent already felt like he did not like this Charlie guy. He knew he should be happy for Devyn to have a friend but Brent wanted that friend to be himself. "That was nice of him. Travis is really important to you."

"He is. He and Joe are my family. I love them and would do just about anything for them." Devyn knew he had few limits when it came to protecting his family.

"Have you and Charlie, er, well er..." Brent knew it was not right for him to be prying into Devyn and Charlie's intimate relationship but he could not help himself.

Devyn rolled onto his side so he could more easily study Brent. "Why are you asking?"

"I'm... er... just curious."

"How about you? You dated since we took those different paths?"

"Um, like I said I don't remember it all."

Devyn could tell that Brent was hesitant to share. Devyn was not sure why. "You know it's alright if you don't remember. It isn't like that is your fault."

"I know. It just makes me feel, feel like I failed somehow."

Devyn reached over and touched Brent's bare arm. He felt Brent jerk and pull away.

"Brent, it's me. You know I'm not going to hurt you."

"I can't help it." Brent got up from the bed and began pacing. "I don't like being touched. I can't help that. It is just how I am now."

"Alright, Brent. I won't touch you. I can see that is hard for you. Is this because of the accident? Me touching you never seemed to bother you before."

Brent looked over at the bed. Devyn was there stretched out looking relaxed. Things with Devyn used to be so relaxed. In the past their friendship was easy. Now Brent was not sure of their friendship. If Devyn knew the truth, if he knew just how messed up Brent was, would he want to have any sort of relationship?

"The recovery... ah... was hard. I was in a coma for a while. Then I didn't remember stuff."

"Sue told me about the coma. Can you tell me how that happened?" Devyn's voice was gentle. He could see Brent was struggling. He wanted to make it easy on Brent.

"I, um, don't remember that. That is one of the big holes in my memory. It's like when you left, my memory left. It wasn't clear until I woke up in the hospital. Even some of that is a little fuzzy. It only gets clear when, when, I was, um, going through my therapy."

"You mean physical therapy?"

Brent moved towards the window. He looked out at the yard. The sun was setting. He couldn't believe it was that late. He thought they had just come into his room a little bit ago. That had been how it was before with Devyn. They would be together for hours but it felt like no time had passed. "It was more than just physical. It was, it was..."

Devyn got up from the bed and moved to the window. He could hear the pain in Brent's voice. He wanted to hold him but that might have made Brent feel worse.

"It was mental as well. I mean the therapy."

"The doctors were trying to help you get your memory back?"

"No, no she didn't give a fuck about my memory. She wanted me to not remember. She didn't want me to remember you. She didn't want me to remember us touching, hugging, or kissing. She sure in the fuck didn't want me to remember us having sex. She didn't want me to know what making love with you was like."

"Is this that same doctor you told me about?" Devyn searched his memory for the name. "Um... Wilson."

"Brent nodded. "My Dad turned me over to her. I didn't remember much of anything and she used that to manipulate me and to try and... and... well change me." Brent's words were getting thick as he tried to fight back tears. He wanted to be stronger. He wanted to be like Devyn. To Brent, Devyn was solid and strong, and in control. Brent had not felt like he had any control for so long.

"Just what did she do, Brent?" Devyn's voice was soft and gentle. He could tell Brent both did not want to talk about this and wanted to share some of the pain with someone.

"She wanted me to forget you. She wanted me to not remember what... what... we shared. She wanted to erase you. She thought then... then I'd be straight. She thought watching porn... just with just women would fix me but all she did... all she succeeded was making me fucked up."

Devyn could hear the tears in Brent's voice. He could not stop the impulse to hold the other boy. He moved closer and pulled Brent to him. He could see the blue pools of Brent's eyes glistening with the unshed tears. "You don't have to hold them back with me."

"No, don't Devyn. Don't." Brent put his hand on Devyn's chest to stop Devyn from hugging him. "Don't please."

"Brent, I just want to help. Won't you let me?"

Brent wanted it. He wanted Devyn's arms around him. He wanted to be pressed to Devyn's body. He wanted to feel Devyn's lips on his. "NO!" Wilson's voice exploded inside Brent's mind. "Don't be twisted. Don't be perverted. Don't give in to him. Run from him, run or he'll ruin your life a second time. No one will want you. No one will love you!" Wilson's ranting continued and grew in intensity.

"I, I wish I could. I wish I could. I can't. No." Brent pushed Devyn away and then darted from the room.

"Hey!" Devyn turned to follow Brent. He darted through the bedroom door and down the short hall into the living room. Brent was already out the back door and across the deck.

"What the hell?" Matt was surprised at the commotion. He looked at Devyn. "What happened?"

"The hell if I know. Devyn grabbed his jacket and Brent's and then was out the door chasing after Brent.

Matt started to follow them. He was on the deck when Bryan's hand stopped him. "Let them go. Devyn might be the breakthrough that we need for Brent."

Matt wanted to chase after them. He wanted to help Brent but he also knew Bryan was right. Devyn might be able to help the boy where they could not.

"Brent, wait," Devyn called as he darted across the deck and down the steps.

Brent kept running. He did not want to hurt Devyn and anything he did would hurt Devyn. He had already hurt Alex and now he was going to mess up Devyn's life. Why hadn't Bryan and Matt just let him die? They would have been better off. Devyn would be better off and so would Alex.

Devyn darted across the lawn and then into the woods after Brent. It was growing darker out and he was not as familiar with the paths as Brent.

Brent darted down the right fork and then left down a smaller trail. He wanted to get lost and to get away from Devyn. Damn, he was too weak for this kind of running. He was too soon out of the hospital. He stumbled but caught his balance. Then his foot caught on a root. He went sprawling onto the ground. Pain shot through him from the wound. He moaned in pain.

Devyn had to stop fast and still almost fell over Brent. "Are you alright?"

"Go away. Leave me."

"No, I'm not." Devyn's voice was firm. He dropped down to the ground next to Brent. "Are you hurt?"

"Get up and run. Get away from him. He's disgusting. He's sick. Run from him!" Wilson's voice was raging inside Brent's head.

Brent tried to silence Wilson's ranting. It was harder than it had been in the past. "Go away," Brent said the words aloud but they were directed at Wilson more than Devyn.

"Look Brent, I'm not going anywhere. Just get that idea out of your mind."

Brent wished Matt and Bryan had not found him. If he had just died everyone would be better off. "I should have just died. You would be..."

Devyn grabbed Brent's shirt and forced him over. "Now stop that. Stop the fucking pity party. Life's a bitch. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off."

Brent was surprised by the harshness of Devyn's words. "What?"

"My Best friend was not some quitter. My best friend was stronger than that. So, pull your shit together."

"But I'm not strong. I'm weak, that's why I threw away what we had to... to try and please my..." Brent started to say Dad but stopped himself. "Richard."

"You made a mistake," Devyn said. His voice was softer now. "Hell, I made them too. Just don't repeat them. Take this second chance you have been given."

"I'm so fucked up though. You just don't understand."

"You do like the pity party don't you."

"What?"

"Feel sorry for Brent. He's got a raw deal. He's had it rough." Devyn knew his words were harsh. He just could not stop himself. Some of the anger he was feeling at Brent was resurfacing.

"You don't understand what Wilson did. You don't understand what she did to us. It was hell. The clinic was pure hell."

"Then tell me. Make me understand," Devyn sat on the ground looking at Brent. "Tell me your hell and I'll share some of mine."

Brent sat up. He turned and looked at Devyn. "I'm fucked up Devyn. Fucked up in the head."

"So, this Wilson was your therapist and she was..."

"She's a fucking bitch. She's a fucking twisted bitch." Brent's words were hard and cold. "She was... she is evil. What she did to me and Steven."

"What did she do, Brent?"

"She was telling me what you and I did was perverted. Us touching and stroking and sucking was unnatural."

"There is nothing perverted or unnatural about two friends sharing their love for each other."

"To her, it was all wrong what we did and what we shared. She was twisted. She put us through hell... and my fucking father put me there. Richard and Linda stuck me in that hell."

"But you aren't there Brent. You are with two great guys now."

"Yes, thank god for Matt and Bryan, but what she did to me... I... I..." Brent looked down at the ground. It was growing dark in the woods.

"You what Brent?"

"She did stuff to me and... and now I can barely let anyone touch me. Alex warns me when he's going to touch me so I won't flinch or panic. It even happens with Matt and Bryan."

Devyn wondered just what this bitch had done to Brent. He could not imagine what the hell was that Brent had been put through. "Shit, Brent. I thought my time with Tom was hell but this sounds worse. What did she do to you?"

"She's evil," Brent said. "She did stuff to me... sexual stuff to try and change me." Brent was finding it hard to talk. Wilson's voice was still raging inside his head. He was finding it hard to listen to Devyn over the voice inside his head. "You're better off leaving and not coming back. I'm too messed up."

"Hey, stop that. I'm not leaving and never coming back."

"You've got a new boyfriend now. You're better off with him. He... he won't have my issues."

"Charlie has his own issues." Devyn could see the interest in Brent's eyes so he decided to share more about Charlie. "He's not out. I'm not sure he's going to be ready to come out until he's away from home. He also has a homophobic older brother."

"Are his parents like that, homophobic I mean?"

"His Mom isn't. She's been nice to me and she seems fine with Joe. I haven't been around his dad as much but he seems fine. He and Joe get along."

"And Joe's gay?" Brent thought he remembered Devyn or Matt saying that but was not sure.

"Yes, he is. He's well respected by most of the folks in our town." Devyn knew there were a few like Tanner that did not think much of Joe but Devyn was sure that there were few.

"It sounds like you got lucky. It's nothing like what I went through."

"I did get lucky finding Joe and becoming a part of his family but you got lucky too. You got Matt and Bryan."

"I guess I did. But all the other stuff..." Brent's voice trailed off.

"We both have baggage," Devyn said. "We've got more than most kids our age." Devyn paused before continuing. "You know the slime ball I mentioned, Tom."

Brent nodded. He was glad that Devyn was talking. He liked listening to Devyn's voice.

"I told you he was a master at manipulating me." Devyn paused. "He used me Brent."

"You mean sexually?"

Devyn wondered how much he should tell Brent. Did he tell him everything? Devyn nodded before he continued. "It was sexual and some physical abuse." Tom had been rough with Devyn but not as much as a couple of the customers. Devyn tried not to think about that right now.

"Oh Devyn, I'm sorry."

"I couldn't say he raped me but it was. He manipulated me. I was so fucking naive and stupid. I actually thought he loved me. He was just so good to me in the beginning. He gave me a place to live, bought me clothes and showed me affection. I needed that then and... and I guess I wanted what he was selling."

"He was older and it sounds like he seduced you."

"I guess maybe. Hell, I don't know. He took advantage of a dumb kid. It's my own fault for being so fucking stupid."

"Devyn, it isn't. He was older and you were a kid. Like you said he took advantage of you."

"Yeah, and when I started to push back, he found new ways to keep me under his control. You said Wilson drugged you. Well, Tom drugged me too. Lord only knows what all I was on. I'm sure some of it was to make me perform. It sure made me eager to, um, have sex. Then when that was not enough, he found someone vulnerable to threaten me with. He used a boy with some cognitive deficiencies so I'd obey."

"Oh shit." Brent reached out. He wanted to hold Devyn. He could hear the hurt in his friend's voice. Before he knew it Brent was hugging Devyn. Devyn's arms were also around him holding him tight. "It wasn't your fault."

"But it is. I gave into every one of his demands. I did not fight back that first time we had sex. Hell, a part of me... liked it. Then when I did finally have the backbone to stand up, he used Todd to control me. If I did not do what he wanted, then this innocent boy would have been forced to do it. Todd would not understand. He would not have been able to cope with... with the things that Tom would have him doing."

"Devyn, it wasn't your fault. You were the one being used. He was blackmailing you. He was using you."

Devyn pushed back the tears that had threatened to come. It felt good sitting there on the ground holding Brent and being held by the blonde boy. "But what about... what about me letting it happen in the first place? I must have wanted it."

"He used you. Like you said he was an expert at manipulation." Brent rubbed his hand up and down Devyn's back comforting his friend. "He manipulated you into sex with him." Brent paused before he added. "Wilson... she raped me. She masturbated me and then when that wasn't working she sucked me off." Brent felt a shudder run through his body at the memory. "She injected me with something that made it impossible for me to not... to not... climax with her."

"Oh, shit Brent." Devyn held Brent tighter. He could feel the blonde boy shuddering a bit with the tears that were starting to come. Devyn could not hold back his own emotions and he let them slide down his smooth cheeks.

The two sat there on the ground for several minutes. The only sounds were the soft wind moving through the branches of the trees and the occasional animal running through the dried leaves.

Devyn pulled his emotions back into control. He was surprised he had let so much out. He guessed that old friendship with Brent was still there. "Um, Brent, are you alright?"

Brent regained control of his emotions. He sucked in a shaky breath before trying to speak. "Yes, I think so."

Devyn moved so he could look into Brent's eyes. He did not release the other boy. "This isn't causing you to panic?"

"What?" Brent was a bit confused by Devyn's question.

"Us holding each other. It isn't stressing you out?"

Brent realized he was being held by another boy and he was holding that boy. He was not panicking, he was only thinking of comforting his friend and receiving comfort from him. He could no longer hear Wilson ranting at him. He realized he had not heard her for some time now. Had it been listening to Devyn's story that had pushed the bitch out of his head? "No, it's not."

"See I told you, that you were strong. I think you are stronger than this bitch Wilson. You aren't going to let her win."

Brent thought that for the first time, he might be able to overcome what Wilson had done to him. "No, maybe I'm not."

"You're definitely not. I'm here to help you and I'm not letting some psycho bitch win."

"Oh, you won't." Brent's lips curved up into a smile at the defiant tone in Devyn's voice.

"Nope. She doesn't win. She has no idea exactly who she is dealing with."

"Just, who is she dealing with?"

"Batman and Boy Wonder."

Brent could not stop a laugh from escaping. "What the hell does that mean?"

Devyn chuckled. "It is something Joe and I started. He calls me Boy Wonder and I call him Batman. He is kind of like my Bruce Wayne. He took me in, he taught me and trained me."

"Trained you?" Brent was curious about what that exactly meant.

"Oh, he and his buddy Lee taught me some self-defense. They thought I might need it after I had a couple of run-ins with the school bully."

"Oh, you did?"

"Yes, last spring I was at a friend's party. Dewayne showed up. He's the bully and a homophobe. He started spouting some shit about Joe. I wasn't out yet but it pissed me off. He made some comment about a faggot and I punched him and broke his nose. He went down and I told him that this faggot was going to kick his ass. That was how I came out to my friends. They had been watching us."

"It doesn't sound like you needed any self-defense training," Brent commented.

"I took him by surprise," Devyn admitted. "It has come in handy a couple of other times." Devyn did not want to go into how some other jerks just would not leave him alone.

"Shit Devyn," Brent said.

"Yeah, it was not my best moment but you know the cool thing was that my friends, my true friends did not care. Well, they care. Sam is even more supportive and Julie and Stacy are trying to fix me up with any guy that they suspect of being gay."

"Crap, I'm not sure that is helping you. They don't know about Charlie?"

"No. I keep telling Charlie they would be fine with it, but he's scared. I understand that. He knows part of how rough it was on me. Plus, I'm sure there are lots of rumors about how terrible things were for Joe when he came out. Joe's Dad was a lot like mine."

They continued to talk there on the dirt path in the woods. Sitting there holding each other and listening to the sounds of the night and each other's voice.

#

Copyright 2024 by Keith yates (keith.96@att.net) all rights reserved. No copying, reposting, or distributing is permitted without the author's written consent.

Reason obeys itself; and ignorance submits to whatever is dictated to it. Thomas Paine

Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it. Thomas Paine

To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead, or endeavoring to convert an atheist by scripture. Thomas Paine

Character is much easier kept than recovered. Thomas Paine