hello everybody:
i hope you all had a great week. I'm glad that you're still writing to tell me what you think about the story.
I love knowing what you think about my work, please continue writing and sending those comments.
Another two weeks went by before I was able to go home. I was actually very happy when Dr. Crowter took the plaster off my leg and I began to make a slow recovery. I couldn't walk very well and I had to use crutches. During that week I had began to walk a little bit around the room so that my leg could get used to walking again. As I said, I couldn't walk a lot; I just tried to keep my leg moving.
Even though I was happy because I was going to be able to go home again and I would be able to get back to work, I felt a little sad because the BSB's hadn't gone to visit me at all. I understood that it was an awkward situation since Brian was with them, but I still felt that they could have called me at least.
The guys from N*sync had gone to visit me a couple more times before I was able to go home. Justin would bring me gifts and flowers, which was very nice of him. The guys made me laugh and made me have a good time.
My brothers were there with me most as much as they could, since they had to work as well. I thanked all the people that were there with me, because they made my stay in hospital less frustrating.
Mike, the nurse, and I had become good friends and I had invited him to come over to my place whenever he felt like it. When I was alone in my room, he would come to have a small chat with me so that I didn't feel so lonely.
The day I was going to be released from hospital, I felt so excited about it. My brothers were supposed to pick me up that evening and I just couldn't wait to get home. John had brought me some clothes the day before so that I could get changed. I was already dressed and ready to go when I heard a knock on the door. It was Mike with a wheelchair
"Hi there Jack" he said as he pushed the chair right next to the bed, where I was sitting
"Hi Mike" I replied "what's that for?"
"It's for you"
"I don't need it" I told him
"It's a hospital policy that all patients leave using the wheelchair"
"In that case I guess I'll have to use it" I said as I hopped in.
He pushed the chair out of my room and towards the elevator. Mike pushed the chair outside the hospital. Paul's car was parked right outside, so Mike just got me closer and then I got inside the car.
"Thanks for everything Mike" I told him
"No problem Jack" he said smiling "just stay out of trouble"
"I'll try" I said as he closed the door. Paul got in the car and then we drove off.
Paul drove towards home and on the way there, Paul asked me how I was feeling. I was feeling really great. My leg and head didn't hurt at all and I could move my leg fairly easily. Dr. Crowter advised me to use a walking stick for a few days in case I felt a little insecure about my leg. I wanted to heal faster so I followed the doctor's orders.
After a few minutes we arrived home. Paul parked the car in the garage and I was about to get out, when he stopped me.
"Wait"
"What is it?" I asked Paul
"I've got a surprise for you" he said smiling "close your eyes" I smiled and then I followed suit. I closed my eyes and I promised not to peek. I could hear him getting out of the car and seconds later, he opened the door for me. Carefully, he led the way. I was careful not to fall or anything, so I put my arm around his neck and the other one was using my walking stick. I was eager to know what the surprise was and I was dying to take a peek, but I promised I wouldn't.
Paul opened the door for me and we went inside. I kept walking and then Paul stopped me. He told me to wait where I was and after a few seconds he told me to open my eyes.
"Surprise!!!" I was so completely taken back by what I could see in front of my eyes. It was a surprise party. Everybody was there, Justin, Jc and the guys, Daniel, Nick, Aj and the rest of the bsb's except for Brian, Sean, Brad, Jennie and John were also there. I noticed that there were lots of people that I wasn't sure who they were, they were probably my brothers' friends, but I wasn't sure. They all come over and started hugging me. At first I couldn't say a thing; I was completely taken by surprise.
As I hugged all of them, I noticed that the place was nicely decorated, there was a big banner hanging from the ceiling that said "welcome back smiley" and there were balloons and ribbons hanging from the ceiling too. I knew that this was all John's and Paul's idea and I was very happy.
After everybody finished hugging me, then John said that I should say a few words. I'm actually really bad at speaking in public, I get stage freight. I don't know what comes over me, I just get really really nervous and then I can't say a thing. Anyway, everybody was quiet and waiting for me to say something. I cleared my throat and then I began speaking
"Well, you know that I'm not very good at this, but I would like to thank you all for coming here this evening, it really means a lot to me. I know that you have all been very worried about me and I don't know how to thank you for what you all did for me" I told them smiling and everybody was quiet "enough of this" I said "let's get this party started and turn up the music!!"
They all clapped and then some music started playing. Everybody started doing their own business. It was already getting dark but the evening was great, so there were many people in the porch and in the garden. I went over to sit down since I was a bit tired. Justin quickly came over and hugged me again.
"I'm so glad you're back here again"
"Yeah me too" I told him
"I'm sorry I couldn't visit you in hospital as much as I wanted to" Justin said apologizing
"Hey, remember, it's the quality, not the quantity" I replied and smiled
"Thanks Jack" he replied as he got up, and then he said he was going to get me something to drink. I told him that I couldn't drink any alcohol, and then he said that he would bring me some juice
I sat there and the BSB's came over and sat there with me
"Hey Jack, we're glad you're doing great" Kevin said smiling
"Thanks Kevin, that's so sweet"
"Listen" Nick started "we're sorry we couldn't be there with you in hospital, but with the situation with you and Brian, we kinda felt a bit guilty"
"Nick, what happened between Brian and me is between us and none of you don't have to feel guilty about anything"
"I know but..."
"Nick, as I said everything between you guys and me is cool"
"Thanks Jack" Nick said as he hugged me.
I was a little sad because I felt that they were in the eye of the storm. On one side, I was a dear friend to them and they loved me, on the other hand, Brian was like a brother to them and they couldn't do anything to hurt him. I understood perfectly their situation.
Justin came over with my juice and then he said hello to all of them and then he sat next to me. We all talked about many things. We talked about the future and about their careers; I also told them what my plans for the future were.
I explained that I had decided not to work anymore for the BSB's. I had already given it a lot of thinking while I was in hospital and I had made up my mind and I knew it was for the best. With all that had happened with me and Brian it was going to be hard to work with him, it would be a really awkward situation. I knew that the best would be to put distance between Brian and me.
When I first told them my idea, they were a bit disappointed and sad, but as I explained my reasons, they understood why I was doing it and they seemed fine with it. I was happy that they understood. Justin was silent all this time, he only smiled at me. I knew that with the new job that I had gotten as the designer of the N*sync clothing line, I would not be able to work with both bands even if I wanted to, so I knew that this was the best time to leave the BSB's.
The party was going great and I could see that everybody was having fun. Some people were dancing and some others were just chatting. I wanted to dance so bad, but I knew I couldn't since I had just gotten out of hospital, so I continued sitting down.
I wanted to ask John how things were going with him and Jennie since I noticed that during the party, they were not together. John was on one side of the room talking to some of his friends and Jennie was talking to a girl. I excused myself, since I was sitting with Justin, and then I got up from my seat. Justin tried to help me but I told him that there was no need. He understood and left me to walk by myself.
I walked up to John and asked him what was going between him and Jennie. He said there was nothing wrong and walked to the kitchen, so I followed him. Once inside the kitchen, the only ones there were him and me. I asked him what was going on and he told me that there was nothing wrong with them and that everything was fine. I knew that he was not completely honest, but I didn't want to push it any further. He said that if I didn't believe him I should ask Jennie. Of course, I would never do that and he knew it.
"No, it's ok" I told him "I believe you"
"Let's get back to the party" he said as he helped me walk back to the main room.
As we were walking past the door, we heard someone knocking. John went to see who it was while I was standing there. As soon as he opened the door, both of us were stunned. Standing before my eyes was Brian. I had no idea what he was doing there, but surely I was not expecting him.
"What are you doing here?!" John said loudly as he tried to close the door in front of him, but Brian stopped him "you're not welcome here anymore"
"I will not leave without talking to Jack" Brian said in a serious tone as he made his way to where I was standing. I was completely speechless.
"We need to talk" he said as he got closer to me.
"There is nothing to talk about Brian"
"How can you say that?"
"Everything between us is over" I told him trying to make him realize that there was nothing between us anymore
"You can't just give up on us"
"Who gave up? Me? Or you the minute you fucked that guy!" I snapped and I noticed that by then everybody was looking at us.
"It was a big mistake and I'm sorry baby, please give me another chance" he said as he got closer to me. He was about to kiss me but I moved away.
"No Brian, you can't just kiss me and pretend that nothing happened, it doesn't work that way"
"Then what do you want me to do?" Brian asked
"I want you to leave" I replied as I opened the door for him to leave
"No I won't leave until we talk about it" he insisted
"You wanna talk about it? Let's talk about it, how was he?" I asked as I slammed the door
"What?"
"You said you wanted to talk about it, let's talk about it, how was he?"
"That has nothing to do with this" Brian said and I could see that he had tears forming in his eyes. So did I, but I tried my best not to show them.
"Brian, you knew what had happened with me and Tom, and yet you did it again"
"Jack I already told you I'm sorry, I truly am"
"Oh come on Brian, are you really? I don't think so" I told him as I started walking to where he was.
"I love you Jack, but did you really love me?" Brian asked
"Don't you dare make me feel guilty for something that was completely your fault!"
"I am not; I am only saying that it was you the one who wanted the break in the first place"
"I said it because I was mad at you, not because I stopped loving you!" I explained
"Then give me another chance"
"I loved you, but now I don't know what to think" I told him "I cannot trust my heart right now"
"Why not? You love me, I can see it in your eyes" he said as he got closer to me
"No Brian enough is enough" I said "and I've reached the limit"
We stayed silent for a second or two. I looked deeply into his eyes and tried to figure out what his heart was saying. By then, both of us had tears in our eyes. The people around were looking at us and the music had stopped playing. Nobody made a sound. They were all waiting to see what happened next. In front of me, Brian fell to his knees and looked at me. Oh god, the only thing that my heart was telling me was to hug him tight and never let go again. My head, on the other hand, was telling me to stop this nonsense and finish it for good.
"From all the people I know Brian" I explained "I never ever thought that it would be you the one who hurt me the most"
"Oh baby" he said as he crawled and grabbed my legs.
"I think it's time for you to leave" I said quietly without looking at him.
"No there must be another way"
"There isn't Brian" I said "what happened between us was great, while it lasted"
"That's it then?"
"Yes Brian, we are over" I told him as tears escaped from my eyes.
"No baby, please don't do this"
"I'm sorry Brian, this is it" I said as I moved away from him.
Brian stayed on the floor looking at me. I couldn't look at him. I just slowly walked towards the staircase. I started to walk up to my room.
"I just hope..." Brian said and I stopped walking "that you realize that you're making the biggest mistake of your life".
I looked down at Brian. He had gotten up from the floor and had tears running down his face. He looked at me for the last time
"I love you so much and I know that you love me too" he said "but if you want to end everything now, I can't do anything, not because I don't want to, but because you don't let me...goodbye Jack" and then he walked out of my house.
He didn't say another word; he just left without closing the door behind him. I burst out crying and made my way to my room as fast as I could.
As soon as I sat down on my bed I cried even more. That's when Paul and John came into the room. I was not in the mood to talk about what had happened and they understood perfectly, they just got closer to me and hugged me tight.
I cried for the longest time until I was able to control myself. I told John to excuse me with all the guests since I was not really in a mood to go downstairs again. John left the room and went downstairs, leaving Paul and me alone.
Paul sat on the bed next to me and then I got up and walked to the window. I looked out and I could see that it was already dark outside. I was still crying and I did not have enough strength to stand on my feet, so I sat down by the window and cried some more.
"Do you think what I did was wrong?" I asked Paul as I wiped some tears away with my hand.
"Well, it all depends on what you think is `wrong', let me ask you something..." Paul said "do you love him?"
"Yes"
"I mean, do you really love him?"
"I don't understand what you mean, I do love him" I replied again
Paul started explaining something that my mother used to say to him...my mum used to say that when you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then it subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether the roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part, because that is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness. It is not excitement. It's not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he's kissing every part of your body.
"That is just being in love" Paul continued "which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away, doesn't sound very exciting, does it? But it is".
I listened carefully to what Paul was saying and I wasn't sure what my true feelings for Brian were. I knew that when I first met him I wasn't very devoted to him, but as time went by, my love for him started growing very much. I realized then, that we had gone through a lot together and I knew that could have gone through this rough patch if we wanted to. But there was something that stopped me from doing so and I needed to figure out what it was...
I asked Paul to leave me alone for a while so that I could figure out what I was going to do. I stayed on the floor by the window thinking about me and Brian.
Deep inside my heart I knew that I loved Brian very much and I cared about him more than anything in this world, but I also knew that our relationship was going nowhere. My job was taking a lot of time out of my life and I knew it perfectly, but Brian could not understand how important it was for me. His job was also very demanding and had very hectic schedules. Even though I worked for him, we could hardly have time to be together. I tried to deal with it, but he couldn't...he wanted me to drop everything and just follow him, but that's not what I wanted for my life. I didn't want to be his groupie so that I could be with him all the time. I was not planning on letting go all of my dreams...
I knew that Brian would never quit his job because I knew that he loved what he did as much as I did, and I was not planning on making him choose between his job and me...
I began crying as I realized that maybe breaking up was probably for the best. He might be able to find someone who could leave everything just to be with him...I just couldn't.
I looked up at the sky and to the stars. An image of my mother came to my mind and I thanked her for making me see that what I was doing was probably the best solution for me and Brian. Even though it hurt a lot to see that my relationship with Brian was completely over...
well, that's' it for now, I hope that you enjoyed the chapter. Remember that all the feedback is welcome and really appreciated.
jack_ga_2002@yahoo.com
Till the next one
Your friend
Jack
"Enjoy life and always be yourself"