Brian and Justin

Symptoms of a Heartbreak Chapter I (Angel's Wings Part 11) Written by JM

Roses are red

Violets are blue

You can wish on every star

But he still won't love you

No matter the time

Any day of the year

Each time you're with him

You'll cry lonesome tears

--- If you're under 18, don't read this and don't fall in love. If you do not like fan fiction related to same sex relationships or opposite sex relationships, don't read this and don't attempt to find love. If you don't like the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, Innosense or anyone with a connection to them, don't read this and please don't tell me you know what good music is. If you're afraid of seeing any couple breakup, don't read this and get your friend a tissue if they decide to read this. If you don't like JM and think he's an egotistical bastard, please read this and keep on hating! ---

--- Feature Presentation: This movie is rated R for adult situations, adult language, varied scenes that contain sexual intercourse, mild violence, nudity, and adult subject matter. This is a drama, simple as that. It'll make some of you cry. It'll make some of you laugh. It'll make some of you hate me and some of you will love me. It might make some of you horny, while others, you might be too mad to get turned on. Whatever it does, remember that it is fiction! ---

A man can show it with a hug while a woman can show it with a kiss. Some give flowers, candy, while others might give gifts. And it doesn't seem to matter now a days, as long as someone gives it. But why must it be so material? Does it have to be so predictable? A dinner date, a few gifts and then the required sexual intercourse because it's a holiday. It doesn't seem right. That can't be love. Love can't be labeled by a cheap gift from Hallmark on every occasion. There has to be more. There has to be a meaning, something that keeps a person warm when it's ten degrees below outside. But what is that something? What is love? It's not easily defined and that's the easiest part to identify.

This nurse could not identify with the topic of love. Walking into the barely-lit waiting room with a dreary expression injected into her face, a clipboard pressed to her chest, and her eyes more steely than blue, she was less-than capable of understanding love. Her name wasn't Serendipity, but she carried herself as if she was the answer to the prayers of many. It could've been her way of escaping the life she lived at the hospital or maybe it was her way to dream without sleeping, being that she barely gotten a whole hours sleep nightly. With a low sigh, she decided none of it mattered right now.

She stopped near a young man slumped over in his chair, a sad expression highlighted his face and his indigo eyes were glazed. "Sir, is your name Justin?" the nurse asked, her voice wallowed inside of her oblivion. The young man lifted his head. He was Justin. Justin Littrell. And being at this hospital was the last place he wanted to be, but for a person he loved, he neglected his responsibilites and rushed to be there.

"Yeah... I'm Justin." he replied, his voice scratchy and untamed. The nurse pursed a smile that was unconvincing. "Well, if you'll follow me, I'll take you to see him." she hummed, lowering the clipboard to her side and letting her other hand rest on her hip. Justin nodded and stood, grabbing his jacket and tucking it under his arm while sliding his free hand into his pocket.

The nurse gave him a once over. He was a tall, lean man, handsome features covering every inch of him. His hair was a garden of short unruly curls gelled stylishly. It was a reddish-brown shade, obviously colored, with the sideburns ending just below his ears. His physique was built enough for him to be an athelte, yet still small enough to be a model. His hands were manly, but still framed with the softness of a baby. His face was youthful with pouty red lips, deep indigo eyes, perfectly set eyebrows, cheeks that spread for the ideal kind of smile, and a chin that was scarcely sprinkled with auburn hairs that formed a goatee.

Justin shot the nurse a grin, nervous emotions running over his skin as she gazed at him. "Hmmmph." the nurse half-giggled, turning around. "Follow me." she said coolly, raising the chart again as she walked in the direction of the room.

Justin followed her shyly, his mind residing on the place he was in. 'I'm tired of hospitals. I don't want to be here, in this place. I've seen too many of my friends here... and now this? God, why this? I can't handle this right now.' Justin thought, his mind swaying from depression to bitterness. He let his eyes glancing the halls, the features of the place he knew too well. Passes rooms he once saw his friends locked up in and rooms he had been in himself. The cold, damp feeling of the air was enough to stir his stomach in the wrong direction. He hated it and anyone could see it.

"He's in here." she said, her tone chaffed. She pushed open the door to the darkened room, only shadows running through the room. Justin chewed on his lower lip, his shyness still a resident expression. He took only one step toward the open room before feeling a finger poking at his chest, causing him to flinch. He sunk his brow and his indigo eyes strayed to the finger. "He's got medicine in him, so don't keep him up too long. He needs his rest if he ever plans to be halfway decent." she said verbosely. Justin lifted his eyes to stare into her's before nodding. He saw no hear in her expression and decided it would steal his time with his friend if he lashed out against her bitter attitude. He balked at her finger and slid away from her, slipping into the room.

A heavy coldness drapped around Justin's shoulders while standing in the room. Machines. That was the simpliest way to describe the room. From the quiet ones to the beeping ones to the ones he had no definition for, they were all machines, heartless and cold to the touch. A shiver ran up Justin's spine as his hooded eyes looked at the man resting on the bed. His pale features were haunting. His hair was amazingly deshelved and uncombed.

He looked thin, maybe a little too thin. It wasn't a normal appearance for him.

Nipping tears bit at Justin's eyelashes, but he held them inside. 'I can't cry, not now.' Justin told himself as he took a few steps closer to the bed. When his thigh bumped against one of the metal railings of the bed, he stopped. He sniffled quietly and lowered his hand, carefully drawing his fingers through the soft russet hair. 'Sort of looks like Brian's.' Justin mused, another sniffle slicing the cool air. His fingers began to move through the hair, attempting to style it naturally. As his hand slipped down the man's face, he felt a warmness from his thin cheek. It wasn't the same warmness Justin usually felt when he saw when the man smiled, but it was enough.

"I... I didn't think anyone here would... want to touch me." the man coughed out, his eyes blinking open. He turned his head and looked at the hazy image of Justin, his vision distorted by his sleepiness. "Well, I don't work here with these mean bastards." Justin whispered, striving to smile for his friend. The man blinked his eyes several times to get a better visual of Justin and he frowned when looking into Justin's eyes. He could read the message without trying. "If you want, you can go into the bathroom and secretly cry over me. My sister does it everytime she comes to visit me." he said teasingly. A smile finally fell over Justin's pouty lips. He sniffled quietly and shook his head. "I'll try and hold it in until I get home." Justin replied, brushing the back of his head over his friend's cheek. "Thanks." the man said weakly.

Justin cleared his throat and glanced around the room. A single vase with flowers and two balloons were the only material things wishing his friend well. It ached inside of Justin to think that was the only support his friend had. "I'm so upset with the workers here. They messed up my ID bracelet. My name is Sebastian, not Sebeans." the man complained, coughly shortly. Justin let his eyes roam downward until finding Sebastian's face again. He smiled softly. His hand found Sebastian's and he held it, rubbing the back of his friend's hand with his thumb. "Do you want me to have them fix it? I've got some weight around here." Justin joked, his tears subsiding. Sebastian giggled weakly. "No, my sister just about cussed out one of these nurses for it already. I'm not worried though. Maybe I'll get a cute male nurse to fix it for me." Sebastian gleamed, the hollowness of his smile leaving Justin weak. "You're hopeless, you know that?" Justin chimed. Sebastian sighed, his smile dimming. "That's what the doctors say. They say that I'm so sick now, they think I might actually have the AIDS virus now and not just HIV." Sebastian said, his voice lowered and tainted with depression.

Justin frowned severly, his grip on Sebastian's hand tightening. The tears were beginning to prick at his eyes again and he refused to blink them away again. "I was afraid you were going to say that." Justin choked out. He sniffled and tried to wipe away the tears. Their salty warmness trickled over Justin's lips and down his chin, falling to the bed.

Sebastian looked up, watching each tear slip from Justin's squinting blue eyes. "Hey, you told me you were going to hold those in until you got home." Sebastian said, reaching up to catching one of the drooping tears. Justin caught his wrist with his free hand and brought Sebastian's hands to his face. He kissed the back of his hand and rubbed it against his cheek. "I don't want you to die, Sebastian." Justin cried melodiously. Sebastian shot Justin a smirk, drawing his hand away from Justin's face. "Who would've ever thought that me, Sebastian, would have Justin from *NSYNC in tears. I never thought I'd ever be able to call any celebrity my friend." Sebastian remarked cheerfully. Justin nodded, the tears still gliding down his face. "And who would've ever thought that I would've met such a great young man. To think, I named my firstborn after you." Justin smiled, trying to laugh away his tears. Sebastian giggled with him, feeling at ease in his weakened state. "It's the best feeling in the world Justin. To know that there is a little boy running around that'll one day grow up and be able to do all the things I won't be able to? It's like having a son of my own." Sebastian stated, his voice full of awe. "You can borrow him anytime you want." Justin whispered, petting his friend's hair back.

"Hey, I saw you at the Super Bowl. That was a great halftime show... you know, the whole *NSYNC and Aerosmith thing." Sebastian boasted. Justin ran his thumb over Sebastian's cool brow with a grin. "It was a lot of fun." Justin replied. "I thought it was so cool. Britney looked great too. And hell, she sang live." Sebastian added with a small yawn. Justin continued to massage his friend's head with his fingers, soothing him into a peaceful state. "I'll be sure to tell her you said that." Justin giggled. Sebastian snickered lowly, his lofty eyes slowly drooping. "I bet it was nice having Brian down there with you." Sebastian grinned. Justin nodded with another small giggle. "I was really thankful that the Super Bowl folks asked the Backstreet Boys to do the national anthem. I got to spend that whole week with my husband and my son. Brian even brought Angel out on the sidelines during the halftime show so that he could watch me perform." Justin chimed with a diminutive country accent.

Sebastian yawned again, turning his head to look up at Justin. "It is nice to be with the man that you love. Me and my boyfriend were sitting three watching you guys and I kept on bragging about how cool it was to see my friend ripping it onstage at the Super Bowl." Sebastian said with a bright smile, his eyes still heavy. Justin swallowed hard, his eyes batting open wider. He must've been mistaken. "Did you say 'boyfriend'?" Justin asked stiffly. Sebastian smiled at him, his eyes finally blinking shut. "I tried to call you on your cell phone, but no one answers that number." Sebastian explained briefly. He yawned a litte louder. "I had to change my number again. I'm sorry I didn't give it to you, but what is this about a boyfriend?" Justin inquired with a brash voice. Again, Sebastian smiled sweetly, his eyes remaining closed. "His name is Max and we've been together for a little over a month. He's coming by after work tonight to see me." Sebastian responded. "And no Dad, we haven't had sex because of the obvious, but we cuddle and he kisses me on the cheek and the forehead. He's takes really good care of me and guess what? He's got his own car too." Sebastian added teasingly.

Justin felt a smirk pull at the corner of his lips. He pulled his hand from Sebastian's head as he began to slip into his sleep. "Who cares about that... is his family rich?" Justin joked. Sebastian released a light snicker before shaking his head. "I met him at a coffee shop, not a country club." Sebastian giggled. Justin finally smiled. He ran his thumb over the bridge of Sebastian's nose. "If he treats you good and respects you, then I suppose he's okay." Justin whispered, pulling his hand from Sebastian's.

Sebastian smiled. He was fighting his sleep, but his medication made it inevitable. "Will you come by and see him later on tonight?" Sebastian requested in a drowsy tone. "I can't. I've got a date." Justin whispeered his response. Sebastian nodded and turned his head. His fight had ended and he was not locked in a state of sleep.

The door shut to Sebastian's room and Justin felt a sliver of himself still walking around inside of the room. He leaned against the closed door and whispered a prayer, his mind struggling to pull away from thoughts of a hollow depression. He had to put the coldness of the room outside of his mind, but he could still feel it. Like a nightmare that wakes the soul, Justin felt the the shivers and the goosebumps covering him.

"You've got a lot of love for that kid, don't you?" JC wondered, moving out of the shadows of a corner. Justin shook with sudden surprise. He blinked his eyes, glaring at JC, before nodding. He crossed his arms and sighed longly. "He's nineteen, Josh. He shouldn't have to suffer like this." Justin replied, shaking his head. The frown that tugged at his lips caused him to lower his head. He wasn't defeated, but he was unhappy.

JC walked to his friend with cautious steps. He feared repeating the actions that occured the last time he came this close to Justin at a hospital. He placed a hand on Justin's shoulder, rubbing it softly. He cleared his throat, looking around with fearful eyes. "If that was you, I'd be losing my mind right now." JC said, his hand running from Justin's shoulder to his chin, lifting it.

Justin blinked back tears and stared at JC with a tinge of horror running over his eyes. JC shot a friendly smile. "But if that was my husband, I don't think I'd lose a lot more than just my mind." JC added safely. Justin swallowed hard, the paleness in his expression fading. He grabbed JC's wrist and pulled his hand from his chin. He let a complex expression rule his face as he lowered JC's hand. Hearing those words uttered from JC's lips didn't seem natural. It sounded like a mockery of what Justin treasured.

"Tell me, Josh, what can you remember from your wedding night?" Justin uttered. It was unexpected. Justin hid his eyes after the question cleared his lips. He was thinking out loud, but he did not desire to retract his inquiry. Deep down, he wanted an answer. He needed one.

JC took a small step back from his friend, an inquisitive expression running over his face. He pressed his lips together and exhaled heavily. "I remember a lot of drinks and a whole lot of sex." JC replied teasingly. His response from Justin was unfavorable. Justin furrowed his brow, crossing arms once more. His care for his friend was being overlooked and it disturbed him. This was marriage, not a backseat fuck after the prom. "Despite what happened between me and you during those few weeks, my marriage means the world to me. It hurts me a lot to see you and Nick walk around as if your marriage means half as much to you two as mine does to me.

So stop being insensitive and act like you care whether or not you may have made a serious mistake." Justin brooded. JC eyed his friend, trying to decypher his tense look. He finally nodded, seeing the suffering it caused Justin.

"I've been in that dream a thousand times Justin and it never comes any clearer. All I can remember is getting drunk at the pub with you guys and then me and Nick snuck out and went for a stroll around the strip. I remember him suggesting we get married right then and there and I thought he was kidding. But when he pulled me in the chapel and showed me the rings... I guess I went along with it." JC explained, a throbbing seeping into his temples. He lifted his hand to rub them with his thumb and middle finger. The visions were never clear when he tried to recall the events on that night. He could always vividly see the events that occurred when the alcohol began to wear off, but those pictures were only steamy visions of the passionate sex he and his new husband had.

Justin uncrossed his arms, thoughts of embracing his friend to calm him passing through his mind. 'No, he needs to dig deep. That can't be all that happened that night.' Justin argued with himself. He twitched his nose, tracing his friends features with his eyes. "Was there anyone at the chapel with you two? Someone that might know what happened?" Justin questioned, refusing to end his interrogation. JC groaned, snatching his hand from his head and narrowing his sapphire eyes. His gaze was a little dangerous, but still subtle. "I couldn't tell you what the preacher looked like if you put him in a line-up. I do remember looking back and seeing two witnesses or whatever. One was a woman and the other was a man." JC responded, his tone strained.

In Justin's eyes, there was no sympathy. He could sense deceit, betrayal, but not on his friend's part. After the talks he shared with JC, especially in Las Vegas, why would he marry Nick? What would prompt him to it? "But the woman seemed so familiar to me. Like I've seen her before, but I never really communicated with her. She was wearing this short-cut brown wig and sunglasses, but she seemed just too familiar." JC added, scratching the back of his head. The bleek gray portraits of the night continually flash in JC's mind, but no one picture fits with the next.

Justin pondered JC's words as JC slid his hands into his pockets. He lifted his head with his natural smile. It was strong and undeniable, no matter how dark it was. "Does this all matter Justin? It didn't matter to us when you married Brian. You loved him, we accepted it, and we were there for you." JC said, his charming smile still gracefully flying on his lips. Justin wrinkled his brow with frustration. He uncrossed his arms with a soft sigh, resolving his anger to aid a friend. "I love Nick, please accept it and be there for me." JC pleaded, his soft eyes defeating Justin. 'How can I accept it if I don't know it's real? How can I accept it if you tried to seduce me and didn't think twice about Nick?' Justin thought, veiling his indigo eyes to conceal his thoughts. "I'll be there for you." Justin exhaled out. He licked his lips while his heart sunk.

"I guess that's good enough Just." JC whispered, edging near Justin again, leaning forward to rest his chin on Justin's shoulder. Justin nibbled on his lower lip, hesitant about wrapping his arms around JC. He gave into love and held JC close, his hands resting on the small of JC's back. The soft, meanginful sigh from JC echoed through Justin's body. He didn't love JC; he only felt a friendly feeling for him. But deep down, Justin felt the season was bringing a different air and possibly, it wasn't what happened that night that bothered Justin, but what didn't happen that night.

"Damn, it feels so good to be home." Britney Spears chimed as she strolled through the spacious living room of her boyfriend's home in Orlando. "You did a lot of work on that video Britney. You need a rest." Felicia Culotta, Britney's personal assistant, insisted as she walked through the house straightening minor details. Britney kicked off her heels, letting them roll on the floor as she strided toward the kitchen. "Hey Rubbles, you can just leave the bags near the steps. I can get them upstairs." Britney called out to her security guard as she moved a few pieces of laundry from one of the couches to the counter in the kitchen.

She sighed, glancing around the kitchen. It had been close to three weeks since she had had more than ten minutes to be inside of her temporary home with her boyfriend. Between promotional events, brief recording sessions, the Super Bowl, and shooting her upcoming video, Britney had not taken a second to breathe in the air of relaxation for long and she missed it. She cleared her throat, smiling as she stared at a picture of herself, Joey, and Justin posing together at Lance's New Years party. 'What a wild night that was.' Britney thought with a less-than-cheery smile. She groaned softly, twisting her lips as she pulled down her five-minute hairstyle. "Fee, could you bring me my cell? I've gotta call Justin." Britney requested loudly, brushing her bangs back as she paced around the kitchen.

"Brit', you know you shouldn't leave clothes on the kitchen counter. It's so untidy of you." Felicia remarked as she handed Britney her cellular phone. Britney rolled her eyes with a foolish giggle, thumbing the buttons on her cell phone until she got to her phone directory. "Fee, I was going to get to it later on." Britney responded, watching as Felicia began to sift through the clothing. "Mmhmmm" Felicia hummed, sorting the clothes into separate piles. Again, Britney rolled her eyes, glancing down to her cell phone to find Justin's number.

A loud barking and the sound of paws on the tiling of the kitchen prompted Britney to glance down with a delicious smile. "Ivory! Oh, my baby." Britney cheered as her mixed-breed dog barked with excitement at her feet. Britney immediately knelt down to lift the dog into her arms. "Fee, look, it's Ivory. And she's so big now." Britney cooed as the dog ravished her with licks. Felicia glance over her shoulder with a petite grin, observing the affection exchanged between the young woman and her dog. "You know, maybe it's time Justin's dog has another litter of pups so that you can get a younger dog. Ivory's kind of old now." Felicia advised, returning her attention to the laundry. Britney groaned loudly, ruffling her dog's fine hair. "Fee, Ivory is just a year-old. This cutie little puppy isn't ready to be replaced. And we would never replace you baby. Never ever." Britney chimed, nuzzling with her excited dog.

"Britney, why didn't you bring this shirt with you on your trip? It's so cute and I bet it would've looked great on you." Felicia remarked, holding up a spangly pink top while still sorting through the clothing. Britney took her eyes from Ivory and glared at the shirt. She cocked up her eyebrow, peering at the shirt. "Fee, that's not my shirt." Britney said in a dead voice. Felicia glanced back at Britney, baffled by her statement. She took a quick look at the shirt again, spreading it to examine it. "Brit', are you sure? It looks like something you'd wear." Felicia remarked. Britney lowering Ivory to the floor. She stood erect, her arms folding below her chest. "Fee, look at it. I'm skinner than that and my breast are definitely not that large. I'd look like a pole in that shirt." Britney retorted, a sting in her tone. Felicia placed the shirt on the counter, shying away from it. "Maybe it's Janine's then. Didn't Joey say his sister was stopping by?" Felicia questioned with a drooping smile. "No." Britney replied flatly, stomping away from her spot.

Britney yanked open the refrigerator, her brown eyes searching for a drink to cool her anger. 'I'm jumping to conclusions too soon. Slow down Brit'. It's not even serious.' she told herself, pulling a Snapple from the refrigerator. She pulled her fingers through her hair, her anxiety noticeable. She untwisted the top with jittery fingers. Tears were pricking at her eyes, but she held them back. "Maybe you should call him and see if it's his sister's shirt?" Felicia advised, leaning against the counter with a caring smile. Britney took a swig of her drink, unimpressed by Felicia's care. "Fee, he's in fucking Miami shooting a scene for a movie. I couldn't get in contact with him if I tried." Britney responded, trudging toward the trash. She took another large gulp of the Snapple, contemplating the reality of her situation. She had no reason to assume anything about her boyfriend. It was just a shirt, one single shirt. Where was the trust she had invested Joey if she accused him of cheating over a single pink shirt?

Britney glanced down to the trash as she let the small cap of the Snapple slide from her fingers and laid into the almost empty trash. Her eyes narrowed as she glared at the contents of the trashbin. She swallowed hard, almost choking on her own saliva. A lone, discarded and torn open Trojan wrapper laid near the bottom of the wastebasket. Britney shook her head quickly, the Snapple nearly slipping from between her fingers. "Brit? What's wrong girl?" Felicia asked briskly when seeing the ghostly shade in Britney's cheeks and the pastiness of her eyes. Britney's bottom lip trembled as she blinked away tears. It was like being in court and the prosecutor had entered in the second piece of evidence against her boyfriend. The jury was leaning toward prosecution and Britney, herself, was leaning with them.

The distinct ringing of a pager caused Britney to lose her grip on the bottle. It fell as quickly as her feet rushed to the counter in the kitchen. As the bottle rebounded on the wastebasket and tipped into the trash, Britney snatched up the black pager from the counter. "Britney? What is wrong with you girl?" Felicia asked briskly, dumbfounded by Britney's actions. With a quick press of a buitton, the beeping sound ended and Britney began to thumb through the options to find the new message. "Isn't that Joey's pager?" Felicia asked curiously, watching as Britney mashed down the buttons. Britney did not lift her eyes to acknowledge Felicia's words. She continued to manuever through the messages until reaching the latest one. She read the message typed in tiny black digital letters with disbelief written into her face. Her heart finally froze and cease to give her the support she needed.

'Hi Sexy Joe-Joe. Call me @ home! Need shirt. Kisses, Kelly'

"Hey Britney? Are you okay?" Felicia asked, her words only echoing through the room and not Britney's mind. For Britney, it all stopped for a moment. Nothing cease to go or stay. The world didn't revolve on love and she was alone. Alone? Britney had not been without her lover for so long. Their last breakup was over sex. But this? It was more than sex. It was betrayal. Britney didn't need to hear it said aloud. The prosecution entered their final piece of evidence and the jury was decided. Guilty. Case closed. Bailiff, please remove the defendant from Britney's heart, but inside, she no longer could bare to hear his name.

"Britney? What is it girl? Come on, you can tell Fee." Felicia pleaded, placing a hand on Britney's shoulder for support. Britney didn't want that hand. She didn't want that support. She wanted explainations. That was all she needed. And maybe a hug, maybe a moment to know she was worth something still and she wasn't just a pop star loved for her sex appeal and boldness. She needed her first true love, Joey.

"Fuck!" Britney screamed out, hurling the pager across the kitchen. The small device crashed into the cabinets of the nearby counter, shattering into small mechanical pieces. Ivory barked frightfully, scampering from the kitcehn to avoid the following shards of the pager. Britney pulled her bangs back, her face flushed and her eyes scarlet red with beating tears. She jerked away from Felicia, her fingers shaking as she placed them over her trembling lips. It was all falling at her in one moment. Tears fell, sniffles quaked, her heart ached and her mind throbbed. She tried to wipe away the tears as if they were a sin, but she couldn't; there were too many.

"Fuck." she whispered with a shaky voice, leaning on an adjacent counter. She burried her face in her hands and without repugnance, she released her ill fated tears.

He was soft-spoken. He was sometimes a little shy. He was scared at times, but only because of his jealousy. He was a blue-eyed, loving country man and he never tried to be anything less. He was not overprotective and at this instant, as he walked slowly down the hallway of the hospital, he refused to be anything but himself.

He cleared his throat softly, scratching behind his ear as he drew closer to his lover, Justin. Observing Justin leaning against the wall with one arm wrapped around JC's shoulders as JC clung to Justin was not one of Brian Littrell's favorite portraits, but it was one he had to leave hanging on the wall until his husband was ready to remove it.

Brian felt like stopping for a second to dwell on his feelings, but he refused to feel sorry for himself. Running away from a reality was not an option for Brian anymore. The past couple of months he had spent with Justin was like falling in love with him all over again. Brian felt twenty-three again. He was the young man he was when he fell for Justin and the youthful love they shared then was becoming apart of their reality now. And JC? 'He loves me, he you not.' Brian smiled to himself, walking slightly brisker to reach Justin.

JC lifted his head when hearing the footsteps and he turned his eyes in their direction. He stared at Brian for only a second, the discourse wrinkled into Brian's brow sending him the only sign he needed. He cautiously pulled away from Justin, a tepid smile on his lips as he glanced at Justin. "I should get going now." JC whispered to his friend, shying away. Justin raised his brow with wonder. His eyes strayed to find Brian advancing with a minute smile. "You sure?" Justin questioned JC as JC continued to move away. JC smiled gently before nodding. "Call me if you need to talk about it." Justin requested as JC followed the pale lights down the opposite hall. JC nodded once more, his eyes flickering with an unseen care for Justin.

Justin turned his quiet expression in Brian's direction as Brian laid a hand on his hip. Brian gambled with a smile, praying he could win over Justin's softer side. Justin licked his lips, a glimmer in his eyes that only Brian felt. Brian brought his other hand up to Justin's face, his thumb running over the bridge of Justin's nose while a finger touched his lips. His caring fingers played with Justin's bottom lip as his thumb brushed over the top lip. He searched Justin's eyes for that mellow side of Justin in his indigo eyes. It was there, but Brian could sense Justin was hiding it. "Do I have to ask for a kiss Beanie?" Brian asked, his gentle country accent warming Justin's soul. Justin blinked back his intimidation, a grin tugging at the corners of his lips. "No." he whispered. Brian let a smirk break from the corner of his mouth. "Can I have a kiss Beanie?" he asked in his soft, tempting voice, his head leaning in Justin's direction. Justin arched his brow, his eyes lowering as Brian drew closer. "I said you didn't have to ask." Justin said quickly, Brian's lips dangerously close to his. "I know. That was sweet of you, but I'm a gentlemen and it's only proper that I ask for a kiss from the most gorgeous man in this hall." Brian whispered back, finally pressing his lips to Justin's. Justin offered no resistance as Brian covered his lips. He merely slid a hand behind Brian's head and held him close, treasuring the kiss as he treasured every breath he took.

When the kiss reached its peak, Justin pulled back, breathless but satisfied. He ran his fingers through Brian's soft hair, a generous smile on his lips. Brian giggled before placing a small peck on the spread lips. "Hi." Brian said coyly, rubbing Justin's slender hips with his fingers. Justin snickered, shaking his head at Brian. "Hi yourself." he replied. Brian could not fight temptation. He leaned in again and kissed Justin's lips, brushing the tip of his tongue along the outside of Justin's lips. Justin moaned quietly, pushing Brian back with a free hand. "Did you miss me much today Brian?" Justin asked jokingly, twisting his fingers in Brian's hair while wiping reminents of moisture from Brian's lips. "Of course, but I'm guessing you didn't miss me that much." Brian responded, a useless frown crossing his lips. "Yes I did." Justin argued defensively. Brian chuckled lowly, brushing his lower body against Justin's. Justin felt the developing erection in his husband's pants. "You didn't." Brian quickly stated, stealing another quick kiss. Justin groaned with aggravation, giving Brian a small shove. "Yes I did." he repeated. "Mmmhmmm." Brian hummed, mocking his husband.

Justin squinted his eyes and exhaled heavily as Brian took hold of his hand. "Are you ready to leave?" Justin inquired while glancing around the bleek hallway. Brian glanced over his shoulder to the room behind him. "Not yet. I just want to stop in and see Sebastian for a minute." Brian answered him, his voice drifting. "I think he's still sleeping." Justin said, interlocking his fingers with Brian's. Brian chewed on his lower lip, letting his eyes focus on Justin. "And we don't want to keep Lance and the others waiting too long." Justin added. Brian frowned profusely, his doughy eyes leaving Justin weak. "Okay Rocky, you win, you win. We'll wake him up." Justin finally agreed, winking at Brian. Brian smiled wickedly, nudging Justin. "Love you." Brian gleamed. Justin giggled quietly. "Love you too Rocky." Justin grinned while leading Brian into Sebastian's room.

He was not jealous. He was not jealous. He was jealous. He tried to fight it, but lying to himself was something he was not capable of. Sitting in a quiet, high-profile Orlando restaurant, Brian could not help but pick at his Teriyaki chicken with his fork while thinking of the image he saw during the late afternoon. The complex picture of Justin and JC standing together, so close, only left Brian's mind troubled and his attention short.

"Man, Justin, I really don't see how you and Brian do it. I keep wondering what Kaleb is up to and if he's all right." Chris fussed lowly, tapping his fingers along the table he sat at with Brian, Justin, Bryce, Lance, and Meelah. Justin turned his head in Chris' direction with fascination. He shot his gfriend a crooked grin, grasping a few noodles of Fettucini Alfredo with his fork. "And you don't think I don't wonder about Bastian? I'm always wondering if he's all right, but I trust Lea and know she's good with our boy." Justin stated, shucking some of the noodles into his mouth. Chris nodded, lifting his glass of wine to take a quick sip. "You have to remember that you're getting out so that you can remember that you're not only a father but a husband." Justin added, motioning toward Meelah. Chris took a glance to his left, watching his wife look around the restaurant with discontent. He slid an arm around his wife's shoulders, pulling her close. "That's a good enough reason for me to be here." Chris smiled, staring into Meelah's round brown eyes. Meelah let a smile crack through her lone expression and it only widened Chris' grin.

Lance sighed with happiness, cautiously holding his boyfriend's hand under the table. "I really want a baby someday." Lance remarked softly, watching as Chris and Meelah cooed at each other. Chris' eyes strayed from Meelah to glance at his friend. "A kid? Lance, you want to adopt too?" Chris wondered, his curiosity peaked by Lance's statement. Lance blushed and hid his pale green eyes, his shyness revealing itself. "I've always wanted kids. I think it's natural for a guy to want to be a father sometime in his life." Lance replied lowly. Bryce ginned, nudging Lance with his shoulder. "I want a child too." Bryce said, smiling innocently. Lance lifted his head with surprise, raising his brow when looking at Bryce. The question was in his eyes and Bryce shyed from it. "I mean when I'm stable and married." Bryce added with a slight stutter. Lance gave his boyfriend a goofy grin, the sudden need to kiss him rushing through Lance's system.

"I don't want to discourage you from adopting Lance, but having a baby is a big responsibility, even for me and I'm old. It's not just *NSYNC and the person you're in love with anymore. It's a lot more." Chris informed his friend, his serious-nature surprising the others. 'Since when did Chris become so adult?' Justin thought, eyeing his friend as he spoke. "It's also one of the greatest joys you can get. Being a father is a beautiful experience." Brian added, hoping to keep that flickering light of hope burning inside of Lance. Lance kept his nervous grin, scratching the back of his head while trying to keep his eyes away from view. "There's no lie about that." Chris agreed as Meelah rested her head on his shoulder. "And I think Lance is a stable enough guy to take care of a child." Meelah added, smiling toward Lance. Lance lost his shyness when hearing the statement. He lifted his ivory-green eyes and returned the smile to Meelah. "Thanks." he chimed. He felt Bryce's grip on his tighten in an affectionate way, causing his eyes to pull in Bryce's direction. A flirtatious yet loving pout rested on Bryce's lips, leaving Lance a little weak.

"Would you all like to order dessert now?" the male waiter questioned, standing over them with a small gleam on his face. "Oh yeah... I need some sugar." Chris grinned, snatching up the dessert menu from the middle of the table. Meelah rooled her eyes with a petite giggle. She wrapped her arms around her husband's arm and snuggled close to him. "If you're going to order something, make sure it's something I'll like too." Meelah remarked, glancing at the menu from Chris' side. "Oh, we're sharing, are we?" Chris wondered, a large grin on his lips as he turned his face to look at Meelah. Meelah gave him a slight nod, glancing over the pictures of sweetened desserts. "Hmmm, then we're probably going to want something with ice cream." Chris noted, flipping to the next page of desserts. "Mmm, you know what I love." Meelah beamed, nwstling her head into the crook of Chris' neck. "Would that be me and Kaleb or maybe a double-fudge brownie with two scoops of vanilla bean ice cream and whipped cream?" Chris asked jokingly, nudging his caring wife. Meelah giggled quietly, pointing to her choice of dessert. "Both." she cheered, placing a quick peck on Chris' freshly shaven face.

Lance tilted his head, watching the closeness between Meelah and Chris. It was a pure, simplistic love that Lance had not truly seen. They dated, started a relationship, married, and had a son. It was what he had always dreamed a relationship would be. He never got it though. He found a guy who was stuck on his old flame and only had Lance for sexual pleasure and casual conversation. Lance was a trophy for him. Then Lance found a guy who professed love for him, but when Lance wasn't ready for what he wanted, he moved on and slept with Lance's ex. 'Why does my love life sound so Soap Opera-ish?' Lance thought mewling over his fallen relationship. He didn't even want to think of the relationship he had with Matt Thompson. Could it even be classified as a relationship?

"Hey, I've got a hypothetical situation for you." Bryce whispered into his lover's ear, stirring Lance from his troubled musings. Lance turned his head with intrigue, his endless eyes trapping Bryce. He felt Lance's fingers brushing over his knuckles and a tiny lump formed in his throat. He could only stare at Lance for a moment, lost in adoring thoughts that heated his blood and caressed his heart. "What's the situation?" Lance asked, his curling deep Southern accent echoing through Bryce's ears. "Uh... say me and you survive this year. We stay together and we're just as happy as I am right now. Say by January of next year, I want to be Mr. Bryce Bass and by March, I want us to be holding our first son. Do you think it's a feasible reality or maybe I'm shooting too far and you think we should do something else?" Bryce wondered, his voice full of nervous emotions. He breathed and he waited. It was a longshot. Bryce was tired of dreaming the idea and never speaking it. It weighed heavily on his heart and he needed if his boyfriend felt the same. He needed confirmation that their relationship, almost a year-old, was moving in the right direction.

Lance trailed his index finger down the back of Bryce's hand and over Bryce's ring finger. He traced the curves of the promise ring he had given his lover during the Christmas season. So soft, so pure. Bryce's ambiance was healing for Lance. Always safe and protective, something Lance had done without for so long.

Bryce felt a quiver inside of him when feeling Lance's gentle touches. He cleared his throat softly, hoping to spur a comment from his boyfriend. "In my mind, Bryce, it doesn't seem too viable." Lance finally replied, his dancing eyes looking away from Bryce. Bryce could not abide by his mind's request to hold back a grimace. He didn't like the reply he received from Lance. "Honestly, I think we'll last through the rest of this year and I think I'll make you more happier than you are now and that you'll probably be Mr. Bryce Bass in December of this year and I'd like for us to be holding our first son or daughter by this time in Feburary of next year." Lance stated in a hushed voice.

Just when he thought he couldn't, Bryce smiled. It was because he knew Lance was right. Those dreams weren't feasible when he denied the fact that he loved Lance and if Lance asked him at that moment, Bryce would marry him.

Just because he was Lance. And it was Lance that declared they were strong enough. So why would Bryce fight it? "But that's all hypothetical, right? It's not like you've been dreaming about this all the time, hoping that when the time comes, I'll ask the question and we'll be so in love that when we raise a little boy or girl, they'll know that even though they have two fathers, we can be the best parents that child has ever had. These are just thoughts, right?" Lance asked, teasing his lover with his tone and his eyes. Bryce blushed heavily, nervously chewing on the corner of his bottom lip. "Jamesy... if I tell you my dreams, they may never come true." Bryce whispered sweetly, his innocence attracting Lance even more. And that same innocence made Lance pray that their relationship made it to the level that they both dreamed of.

Justin watched Brian with disgruntlement varnishing his deep blue eyes. His husband continued to poke at his chicken with his fork, occasionally scrapping pieces of rice and vegetables to the side. Justin leaned closer to Brian, holding back a sigh. "What's bothering you?" Justin asked quietly, lifting a hand and resting it on top of Brian's, preventing him from playing with the food. "Nothing." Brian replied lowly. His tone was not very convincing. "Don't lie to me." Justin said immediately, predicting his husband's response. Brian raised his eyes, slightly embarrassed. His husband knew him too well. "We're here to have a good time with them. Don't worry about the way I'm acting." Brian suggested, his eyes polished with discomfort. Justin shook his head, rubbing his fingers along Brian's knuckles. "My intentions tonight were to get out with Lance and Chris to spend time with them and their significant others, but I also wanted to have a good time with my husband. It's obvious you're not having a good time and I'm not having a good time if you're not." Justin said, his voice dropping an octive lower. Brian let a frown play with his lips as he gazed into Justin's eyes. The sincerity left me speechless and he had to look away. "Those are some wonderful intentions Justin." Brian whispered, losing his confidence.

Justin finally released the sigh, disturbed by Brian's behavior. He drew a heart with his index finger on the back of Brian's hand, wanting to surpress Brian's despondency. "Forget my intentions and tell me what's bothering you baby." Justin requested. Brian licked his lips and gradually lifted his eyes again. "Baby, my intentions, right now, are to kiss you." Brian said softly, turning his hand to encapture Justin's. He interweaved their fingers, brushing his palm against Justin's.

Justin nibbled his lower lip, blushing. The statement couldn't have been anymore romantic, to him. "But only if you stop asking what's wrong. I'll be better about being here and forget about what's on my mind if you promise to have a good time." Brian added. The hopelessness in his eyes brought back that weak feeling in Justin. The promise was a lot to ask of Justin. If something bothered Brian, it bothered Justin. He couldn't help it. He loved Brian too much to leave him wallowing in depression.

A protest formed on Justin's lips, but he held it. Seeing the plea in Brian's eyes only brought back the innocent love they shared. "Promise you'll tell me sometime." Justin asked of his husband. Brian gave him a quiet smile and nodded. Justin giggle quietly before leaning closer to Brian. He felt Brian's fingers smooth across his face before Brian's soft lips were crushing against his own, tasting him and showing him the way to a calmer place in their love.

"Hey, is that Howie over there?" Chris wondered, producing a reason for Brian and Justin to end their slow, romantic kiss. Justin turned his eyes in the direction of Chris' words, searching the area for a glimpse of the Backstreet Boy. He was there, sitting in a corner of the restaurant with a woman across from him. Justin peered through the passing waiters to get a clear focus of the woman. Danay Ferrer, Justin's friend and member of Innosense, sat across from Howie with a flirtatious smile. She looked angelic and Howie could not have been anymore handsome at the moment. "Yeah, that's D." Brian agreed, catching a glimpse of his friend. "And that's our D." Lance remarked, staring at Danay with mild disbelief.

The couples sat in a still silence, all curiously staring at Howie and Danay sitting together sharing a romantic moment. It was too secretive. Why weren't they like the others, telling all of their friends of the romance they were sharing? What was there to hide? Chris had to know. In a way, he felt he deserved to know because of his alliance to both, but he knew he would be overstepping his boundaries. He kept his romance with Meelah secretive for some time, only revealing to JC and Joey of his love for Meelah. 'They both need this, though. So maybe I can help out?' Chris thought, tapping his fingers along the table.

"I've gotta go say something." Chris said urgently, briskly standing from his chair. A few gasps parted through lips as Chris adjusted his suit jacket. He combed his fingers through his spiky hair and cleared his throat. "Chris, I don't think you should." Lance advised, watching as his friend straightened his tie. "That's probably why I didn't ask you Lance." Chris grinned, taking a quick glance at his wife. He shot her an arrogant smirk, winking toward her. "Stay out of trouble Christopher." Meelah requested. Chris gladly nodded before smiling at his friends. "I'll tell them you send your love." Chris chimed before walking away from the table, his head high and his agenda set.

Cautious and quiet, Chris found his way to the side of Howie and Danay's table, making him appearance known by clearing his throat and tapping his fingers along their table. Howie's eyes immediately glanced over the glass he drank from to their intruder and swallowed quickly, almost choking on his water. Danay quickly glanced up from her slice of cheesecake, first looking at Howie and then Chris. She ducked her head, hiding her eyes shyly. "Orlando must be kind of small. To think that you two could end up at the same restaurant, together, as myself, my wife, Lance, Bryce, Brian, and Justin." Chris boasted, leaning on their table, his eyes dividing their focus between the two.

Danay sighed softly, pushing her plate forward and glancing past Chris. She could see all of her friends watching her and it only made her position even more awkward. "They're all here?" Howie questioned Chris, placing his glass on the table. Chris nodded proudly, his head motioning in the direction of his waiting friends. Howie swore under his breath, gripping a satin napkin between his fingers while glancing over to Danay. She lowered her brow and her brown eyes showed small signs of distress. He cursed again.

They didn't want to be caught. They did not want their secret romance to become a continuous gossip topic for their friends as so many of the other romances had. They only wanted to feel out their feelings and see if love did exist between the two. How could they do that now?

Howie forced himself to pull his focal point from Danay to focus on Chris.

"Chris, I don't mean to be rude, but me and Danay are on a date right now.

And since it's only our third date, we'd appreciate it if you'd let us try and enjoy it before you go back and tell everyone." Howie said, his voice thick with annoyance. Chris raised his brow, a suspicious gleam in his face. He shyed back from the table, folding his arms while studying the two. Howie furrowed his brow, laying an arm on the table to hold Danay's hand in his own. Chris squinted his eyes, watching as Howie manipulated his fingers over the skin of Danay's hand. There was something there that prevailed friendship. "Forgive me, I didn't meant to interrupt you two. I'll keep this to myself. I'll let you guys tell anyone if you want to tell them you're on a date." Chris said, taking a few more steps back. Danay smiled toward Chris, her face filled with gratitude. "Thanks Chris. We appreciate it." Danay said, her voice soft, but sincere. Chris nodded, spinning on his heels and moving in the direction of his table, leaving Howie and Danay to discover what they shared.

There's no life in love

When love's not inside of you

There's no soul in your heart

When your heart doesn't know what to do

So look me in the eyes

And tell me we're not falling apart

Cause I'm falling

Falling too far from your heart...

Yeah, yeah

He bobbed his head, tapped his foot, and snapped his fingers listening to the rock-pop-oriented instrumental flooding his headset. He considered adding one last ad-lib to the mix, but withdrew, permitting the melody to flow freely. He found it pointless. The song was impressive without added croons from him. His voice on the verses and the chorus was enough.

"Okay, Nick, we're going to cut it right there." Jive Jones, the producer, announced to Nick. Nick removed his headphones, looking up with a lofty smile. He nodded, leaning on the riser in front of him. "I think that was a nice take." Nick said into the microphone. Jive nodded, jotting down notes as Nick spoke. "We'll do some playbacks and decide if we need to add some alterations here and there in a little bit. So you can take a break." Jive informed him, looking up with his bright blue eyes. Nick nodded again, removing his headset. He laid it on the riser and adjusted his attire.

Nick took a quick look around the studio booth, taking in the atmosphere. He was alone, solo. There was not four other Backstreet Boys waiting to add their vocals to the mix of the song. The song written for Nick wasn't even a song the Backstreet Boys would record. 'It's too Rock 'n Roll for them.' Nick giggled to himself. He took a step back, sighing quietly. 'It's just going to be me and you for a couple of months.' Nick thought to himself, referring to the studio he had booked for four months to record a majority of his solo effort. 'And a couple of producers... including my husband.' Nick grinned, walking toward the exit of the sound booth. He ran his eyes to the couch in the studio. An old, rundown couch sat near the corner, everything about it slightly unattractive. 'I bet me and Josh could make beautiful music on that couch. Late nights, a little alcohol, a lot of moaning and fucking.' Nick gleamed, examining the definition of the couch. The thought sent a burning desire to Nick's lower body and his face began to flush.

Nick's musings began to fade when a familiar face walked past the studio door. His eyes lingered on her for a second as she slowly walked down the hallway. He ran his fingers over his semi-spiky hair, his brow wrinkling and his blue eyes beginning to squint. He did not expect her to be there. In fact, he did not want her to be there.

"Nikki." the voice calling her left her still. She felt her blood turn cold and a sharp pain shot through her head. She sighed heavily, licking her glossy lips and pushing a few stray strands of hair behind her ear. The sound of his heavy footsteps advancing toward her caused her to spin on her heels to face him, her mind full of angst toward the man.

Nikki fumbled an unconvincing smile for him, waiting for him to speak first. She felt no obligation to say anything. And then she looked into his eyes, Nikki only saw nonsense. There was no reason for her to stand there, only to be ridiculed by his glares and his furrowing brow. "Nikki." he said again, his iry blue eyes holding Nikki in a state of anger. "Nick." she sighed out, crossing her arms and awaiting more from him. More than just her name. More than just this foolish stare that only meant bullshit to Nikki.

"Why are you here Nikki? I didn't think Innosense was recording a new album for a couple of more months." Nick wondered, his curious grin making the acids in Nikki's stomach boil. "We're not. Nott hat you should worry about it, but I'm here recording a song with Amanda for her album. We just wrapped up recording some vocals on it and I was about to go make a few calls." Nikki responded, her voice a drawling hiss that only brightened Nick's smile. He knew there was tension between the two and he fed on it. He had won JC's love and attention. He was married to JC, not Lance, not Justin, and definitely not Nikki. "Oh, well I'm just here recording some tracks for my album. Hopefully Josh will stop by and take a listen. I'm working on a song just for him." Nick beamed, his bragging endless and highly sweetened. It was sickening to Nikki, but she did not let it show. She refused to let Nick win another war.

Nikki nibbled on her lower lip, glancing around the almost empty hall. She had nothing important to say to Nick. She wanted to end the conversation there, but her eyes caught Nick's and she could see he wasn't moving. She tapped her foot to a beat in her head, trying to avoid the looks he gave her. "So... who are you working with today?" Nikki asked with little interest in her wandering voice. She cocked her head to the side, raising her brow while waiting on at least one word to fall off his lips. "Nobody you'd know. His name's Jive Jones." Nick replied wearisomely, flicking his wrist to emphasis his careless attitude. 'Bastard.' Nikki thought before the name registered in her mind. Jive Jones. Jive fucking Jones. Jive, as in Veronica's ex-boyfriend. "Jive's here? Working with you?" Nikki asked, her voice coarse and immediate. Nick sighed, rolling his eyes. He pulled his fingers through his hair, an immediate wrinkle forming in his brow. "Ya know him?" Nick asked, his intrest peaked by her contorted expression. Nikki, as much as she wanted to scream, only nodded. Nick arched his brow, searching for a more vocal response. "Nick, he wrote and produced two songs for Innosense's album. My God, he used to be Veronica's boyfriend." Nikki pointed out, baffled by Nick's unawareness. Nick smiled lightly, a gratifying glimmer in his lean blue eyes. He snorted quietly, scuffing his feet against the ground. "Well, I hope he writes better material for my album than he did for Innosense. I'd like my album to go somewhere." Nick remarked, his continual attempt to scorn Nikki proving effective. "Like the trash?" Nikki snapped back, a response Nick was unprepared for. He scratched the back of his head, striving to hold his smug grin.

"Honestly, Nick, if you have a problem with me, don't take it out on Innosense." Nikki requested, brushing a few locks of her hair back. She was losing that stiff stature she held with Nick, hoping to remain civil for just a moment. Nick cleared his throat, his lids lowering as he let the incensed blaze ignite in his eyes. "And tell me Nikki, what is my problem with you?" Nick questioned her, his voice hissing. "Your husband. You have a problem with what me and your husband share. You have a problem that Josh spent nights at my house instead of yours. You don't like that at times, even you can tell that he's unsure who he's in love with. And you don't like that I still have feelings for your husband and that he still has feelings for me." Nikki stated matter-of-factly. She was not one for revealing her feelings when they were questioned one-on-one. That fire rumbling in Nick's eyes did not faze her. Like the wind, she didn't care if it came and went, as long as it didn't attempt to mess with her day. "Aren't you Miss fucking Peach of America? How come you think my baby still loves you? I'm wearing the ring, not you. Obviously if he cared enough about you, Joshua would be the first to take this ring off of me and put it on your sweet little ass." Nick responded, the young voice he owned tainted with resentment.

Nikki immediately rolled her eyes with a small laugh. She was confident. "I don't know or care what Josh's reasons are for still being with you. After Vegas, I knew where I was headed and that was away from your man. But you nor me nor Josh can ignore that there are feelings between me and him. It's plain and it's simple. I'm not going to swell on it anymore because I'm not a harlot looking to breakup a marriage and you're relentless when it comes to the men you want... like Brian." Nikki declared, her voice raised but calm. Nick's eyes blinked open wider, his dissatisfcation evident. She had hit a sore spot. She went for the throat and grabbed a hold of it, leaving Nick struggling to breathe. "You have no right to bring him into this. The things shared between me and Brian were... were..." Nick lost his words. Did he really know anymore what was between Brian and himself? Was it there or was it gone? "Were another one of your attempts to keep what you think is yours. And the only way you know to keep it is with sex, Nick.

That's sad. I'd try to help you find someone good for you if you weren't such a dick looking to get some dick." Nikki asserted before Nick could find his words. Once again, she got the best of him. She left him in a place he could not escape from him.

"You won't get him, Nikki." Nick affirmed. It was all he could say. "I'm not trying to get him." Nikki responded shortly. "His heart is mine." Nick added, his voice cracking. He was near defeat. For once, Nikki was the one breaking Nick down. "No, his dick is yours. His heart belongs to someone else." Nikki finally said, turning from Nick and slowly walking away. That's all she had to do. She only had to walk away to leave Nick shaken and disturbed. There was nothing left to be said, only actions to be taken.

The pen scribbled across the notepad sitting on the engineering board. Her fingers worked the pen to craft the final words to a lyric that raced through her head as she hummed a melody softly. From the first listen, she knew the tune would work perfectly with a group of lyrics she had been tinkering with, but it still needed reworking. She didn't care. She was up to it. She would work in the studio all day if she had to, just to get this one song done.

She licked her lips, debating on whether or not to rework one word in the song while tapping her lengthy nails on the mixing board. She sighed and tapped her pen on the paper, glancing up to look inside the recording booth.

'I should be in there. Even though I just spent an hour recording that last song, I should be in there right now. I could have at least one song done by today.' she told herself. She unconsciously sketched a heart on the paper and wrote a name in it. His name had been in her head for most of the day. The man she was in love with. She smiled to herself. The name looked good in her heart. The name flowed well off her tongue and when she recorded any love song, the name always kept the lyrics she sang true.

"Aren't you supposed to be in here recording and not doodling?" his voice asked her, surprising her. She peeked up from her notebook and spun around in her chair, her eyes brightened with the life of love. His trademark grin greeted her and she felt her heart do that funny little skip it did when he smiled at her in a loving way. He leaned in the doorway of the production booth, never too far in or out. "What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice raised with exclaimnation. His hand immediately lifted and he covered his mouth with a finger, signalling for her to silence her voice. She leaned back in the chair with confusion rimming her eyes. "Amaiya's sleeping, Amanda." he informed her in a soft voice, finally stepping inside of the booth. He held a carseat with the sleeping child under one arm and a baby bag hung off the other.

Amanda's blushing blue eyes lit up as he stepped inside, his feet light as he carried their daughter to a corner of the room. He placed the carseat down on the couch in the corner of the room, making sure his daughter was still comfortable in her sleep. The bag bap drapped off of his other arm and he pulled his arm from the straps, attending to Amaiya.

"AJ, how long as she been sleep?" Amanda asked with a whisper, standing from her chair, taking graceful steps over to her husband. AJ stood up, stretching his arms from mild exhaustion. "She fell asleep on the car ride here." he replied, scratching his beard. He removed his dark sunglasses with his nimble fingers and dropped them onto the couch, letting them carelessly fall next to the baby bag. He turned to his wife, her features still as beautiful as the day he met her. He examined her crimpy black hair, her dancing blue eyes, her immense smile, and the paleness in her skin that was highlighted by the blush on her cheeks. He sighed, a pityful smile grace his own thick lips. "Hey baby." he said, laying a brief kiss on Amanda's cheek and moving over to the engineering board. Amanda felt the smile on her lips die instantly. 'That's it?' she thought, glancing back to AJ as he took a seat in her chair, leaving his back to her. She sighed, pulling a hand through her hair, fluffing it. She couldn't think about her husband's moodiness right now. She had music to record, ideas to run by producers, but most importantly, she had a child to admire.

"Hey Panda... what are these lyrics? They don't seem too country to me." AJ wondered as Amanda ran a hand over Amaiya's soft black hair. Amanda turned to her husband, a charming grin on her lips. "Alex, I told you already. When I signed with J Records, Clive liked the R&B material on my demo more than my Country Pop stuff. So we agreed that I should do a pure R&B album instead of trying to be th next LeAnn Rimes." Amanda replied, strutting over to AJ. AJ made a small noise, almost as if he was speaking, but none of the words came out clear. It was a ramble. It was a sign of his disapproval, but Amanda ignored it. She found a way to the front of the chair, finding a seat in her husband's lap, leaning to one side to let him finish his review of the lyrics. "Like my doodle?" Amanda wondered, her voice liquored with sweetness as she pointed toward her heart drawing at the top of the page. She watched AJ's eyes briefly glance at the drawing before returning to the lyrics. "Cute." was his dead response. It brought a sigh from Amanda, one that was filled with disgust.

Amanda leaned across the board as her husband continued to read. She fiddled with a few of the nobs on the board, adjusting the volume that fed into the booth. She chewed on her lower lip while trying to cue a track. She watched the digitalized numbers flicker by as she searched for a particular setting. "Who wrote this? These words don't seem like yours." AJ conjectured, lifting the notebook from the board to get a closer look at the writing. Amanda rolled her eyes, stopping the track. She kept a hand on the board while her other reached back and snatched the notebook from her husband's rough hands. "I wrote those lyrics, baby. Now please just listen to this song we've been working on." Amanda requested, clicking the button to cue the song. AJ sighed heavily, crossing his arms and leaning back in the chair. "I think it's great and it may be good enough to be the first single." Amanda added, adjusting the volume once more. She glanced back with a grin, her eyes catching a glimpse of AJ's less-than-thrilled voice. The song had not even graced the speakers before Amanda felt AJ's disapproval.

He walked out and it was his bad

Can't say a thing cause I won't take him back

So don't fret and wonder where he's at

Just concentrate on what you have

Don't worry about him gettin' me

He had his chance and I won't repeat

So don't fret and wonder about him and me

Just concentrate on lovin' me

[You talk too much]

[Show me what you want]

So it doesn't matter if he calls me

Celly, pager or even at home

I ain't tryin' to repeat things

He made a mistake testin' my love...

Amanda decreased the volume of the track, letting it fade from the speakers. With a few bottons pushed, the song stopped playing completely and Amanda turned to search for her husband's approval. She was fortunate enough to find life in his large brown eyes. "What did you think?" Amanda pondered, her hopes never reaching above sea level. She stared into those insensible brown eyes and could see that only thoughts of discontentment raced through his mind. "It doesn't sound like you. It sounds like someone hard, tough... someone not you." AJ replied, pulling his eyes from her view.

"But it is me. I think it's hot. I know Clive will think it's hot and it's just the beginning." Amanda insisted, attempting to keep her faith in the quality of her music. It was a hard thing to accomplish when the one man she depended on support from took an opposing view on her music. She wanted to go to him, seek his guidance, his wise words about the industry. He knew it all. He had to. He had been in the industry since forever.

"This is the beginning of what Amanda? Your rise to the top? It's not that easy. People know you as this girl from Innosense who left to marry a Backstreet Boy and now you want to put yourself out there in the R&B genre. You're not a Sisqo or a Pink or a 702 or even Whitney Houston. There has to be appeal and solid new music." AJ pointed out, his voice raspy but thick with discouragment. Maybe, somewhere, he thought he was providing her with good advice, but that wasn't the case. There wasn't concern in that advice.

Amanda briskly stood from her position in his lap, scooting aside and away from him. She drug her fingers through her hair, sighing dramatically. Her hands laid on the mixing board and she leaned over, lowering her head. Her crisp blue eyes looked into the studio booth. An escape, possibly. "Are you saying I have no appeal AJ? Areyou saying what you just heard isn't good music?" she asked, knowing she would not receive a decent response. Just silence, a typical move by AJ. "I may be known as that girl Amanda who left Innosense to marry a Backstreet Boy, but that image will die down when people give my music a listen and see who I really am." Amanda brooded. She leaned off of the mixing board, standing straight before folding her arms and turning to AJ. She wanted a decent response. He had something to say, she could tell, and she wanted a reason to listen to him.

AJ leaned forward in the chair, his brow furrowed and his eyes staring darkly at the notepad. "You don't get many second impressions in the music business." AJ noted. "When did I make my first impression?" Amanda asked briskly, her voice wrapped in anger. AJ grumbled under his breath, rubbing his temples with his forefingers. 'What am I getting myself into?' he wondered mentally. He ran his hands over his face, trying not to lose his focus. "Look, Amanda, I think you'd do much better in the Country-Pop category than you would in the R&B side. I also think you need to realize what you're doing when you get into this business." AJ advised, lifting his body from the chair. He shifted around the chair, moving in the direction of his resting daughter. "And what's that Alex? What am I getting into that you haven't already gotten into?" Amanda wondered bitterly. AJ flicked his hand up, waving her off as he approached Amaiya. "A lot of shit." he said lowly, leaning down to get a closer glance at Amaiya. "What?" Amanda asked, her tone spiteful. "Nothing. Jesus, can't you just leave it at that?" AJ retorted, his voice raised.

Amanda uncrossed her arms, straightening her tight black sweater while watching her husband stand. She waited until he was away from Amaiya before finally saying, "Why are you here AJ? You obviously didn't come down here to help me with my album." AJ rolled his eyes promptly, sliding his hands into his pockets. He leaned against the engineering board, his lips twisted in an unfavorable fashion. "I wanted Amaiya to see her mother, the mother she hasn't since for more than a couple of hours for the past week." AJ replied dimly, his voice devoid of care. Amanda groaned loudly, tossing her arms into the arm. She could not be the burden of guilt, not after the time she had spent with her daughter when AJ was not there. She refused to be that victim. "Don't hand me that crap Alex. I've been there a million times when you were not." Amanda declared, still firm with her tone. AJ sighed a long exhale, his brow wrinkling again. "Please throw that in my face again Amanda. Please let the world know once again how great of a mother you are and how I'm so wrapped up in me because I'm sure not everyone has heard that one enough." AJ gripped, turning his head toward her. Amanda peered at him with bitter eyes. "You'd love for me to do that, but I'm not going to be that stupid. You want a reason to be the number one father in the world." Amanda hissed. "Oh, don't put that shit on me." AJ requested heartlessly. "Thank you for bringing my baby to see me, but since you have no other reason to be here, maybe you should leave." Amanda said quickly, turning her head from him. She couldn't look at him anymore.

AJ sighed a little quieter. He looked at his wife sharply, as if there was something to say, but he never quite got it out. Maybe that was the problem all along? Never quite saying what he should've. "When are you coming home?" AJ asked, his voice low and timid. Amanda flicked her wrist, taking a long look at her watch. "I probably won't get home until around eight, maybe close to nine." Amanda replied, her voice dropping a few octives to accompany AJ's new tone. "Close to nine?! Jesus, Amanda, what about Amaiya? What? We have to have another dinner without you?" AJ boasted his questions, his voice returning to a loud, angry rattle. Just possibly, it was his problem.

Amanda threw her hands on her hips, her frustration bright. "We can have a late dinner. Damn, it's not that late." Amanda snapped back with an equally raised voice. "Amaiya gets to be by eight. She won't even get to see you." AJ brooded. His dark eyes gave Amanda no rest. He knew it. He knew how to pull at her most sensitive strings. "What about the times she never saw you? What about the times you got back from the studio at two in the morning? You act as if you didn't start this trend. You and your Backstreet shit has placed me and Amaiya alone millions of times." Amanda hollered back. AJ was never prepared for her responses. They always varied and were always the best argument. Yet, his stubborness was his downfall.

"That Backstreet shit brings in a steady paycheck. What the hell is this bringing in?" AJ questioned, slamming a closed fist onto the notebook. AJ lowered his lids with vengeful intentions. He didn't want to lose the argument.

"God, AJ can't I have a career? What the hell is wrong with me being a singer?" Amanda asked the question that had haunted her for months. Each time she argued with her husband, it involved a piece of her choice to be a solo artist.

"Because you're a mother. You're a wife. You don't need this." AJ insisted. Amanda groaned again. There was no winning. There was no such thing between them. "Man, you're such a hypocritical bastard. How could you even say that?" Amanda hissed, caring little for her husband's feelings.

"You know what? Fuck it. I'm out of here. I want to get my daughter home before she wakes up and realizes that her mother isn't coming home right away to see her." AJ stated in spite, briskly leaning off of the engineering board. He took large steps to get to where the car seat rested.

"You're such an asshole." Amanda gripped, turning her back on AJ. "You married this asshole." AJ remarked, lifting his things and scooted toward the door. Amanda listened to the wind brreze as the door swung open and slowly began to swing close, leaving her alone in the production booth to contemplate what her musical career meant to her.

She hated him. She loathed him. She could not bare the sound of his name at the moment. Still, deep down, she felt her heart wanting to be with him.

But she hated him so much right now.

She violently tucked clothes into a duffle bag, her mind blistering with thoughts of her boyfriend's treachery. The vociferously loud music blared through the room, the lyrics speaking her anger for her. She pushed a few of her fallen strands of hair behind her ear while using the other hand to throw a make-up kit into the bag. She was staying, not for one more hour. She slept on the couch the night before. She was scared to sleep in the bed, fearing that was the place her boyfriend betrayed their love. Even looking at the bed where assorted pairs of her clothes laid, she felt a lurch in her stomach and her mind ache.

The music stopped. She lifted her head and turned it, expecting to see Felicia waiting for her at the door. It wasn't Felicia and it wasn't Rubbles. It was Joey and it was anger rumbling in her heart. "Brit... you're back." Joey said softly, shutting off the stereo. Britney turned her head away from him. She continued to toss clothes into the bag, a fury inside of her that could not easily be calmed. "Why didn't you call me and tell me you were back home?" Joey asked, taking full steps into his bedroom.

Britney did not respond and Joey could feel her anger from afar. "I would've come home last night because we wrapped up shooting early." Joey added, cautiously moving closer to Britney. He laid a hand on her shoulder, the stiffness worrying Joey. He massaged her skin with his fingers, hoping his gentle touches would pull a few loving words from her. It didn't.

Suddenly, Joey could feel he wasn't welcomed near his girlfriend. Something about her coldness caused him to lower his brow and pout. "Where are you going? I thought you didn't have to leave for Sweden until after Valentine's Day?" Joey asked in a quiet voice, still rubbing Britney's shoulder. Britney pulled away roughly. She scooted from in front of Joey, gathering together a few articles of clothing. Joey quickly placed a hand on her hip, trying to pull her back. "What's wrong Britney? You know I'm not Kleo, so I can't read minds." Joey said, his tone almost demanding. Britney failed to respond. She couldn't remember what hurt her the most anymore. It was everything. Everything about Joey was hurting her.

"Do you even remember her name?" Britney finally asked him, her head barely rotating in his direction. Joey arched an eyebrow, his face morphing into a perplex expression. He picked at the sleeve of his shirt, concealing his worried thoughts while glaring at her. "Her? Who?" he inquired, dumbfounded by her question. Britney shook her head. She saw through him. Hell, she could sense his nervousness without even looking at him. He had something to hide and she hated him for it.

Britney cleared her throat before slapping Joey's hand off of her hip. She walked further away from him, gathering the last of her clothes from the bed. "You know... I would've paged you, but Kelly beat me to it." Britney stated, her voice striving to be careless, but anyone within an earshot could hear the tears in her voice. "What?" Joy asked, a roughness in his voice. He was becoming defensive. Dropping his hands to his sides, he marched toward Britney, but Britney avoided him, slipping by him to reach for her duffel bag. "So I'm guessing you don't remember her name or the fact that she left her shirt here. Oh, by the way, Kelly wants her shirt back too." Britney said, shoving the clothes inside of the duffle bag, pressing them down to make room for one more item. Joey snatched Britney's wrist up in his hand, causing her to turn around and eye him evily. "What are you talking about Britney? How do you know if Kelly paged me?" Joey asked her, a rolling hiss in his voice.

Britney yanked herself from Joey's grip, her eyes still peering at him. Her upper lip curled and she curled her hands into fists. "I checked your pager when she paged you with her cute little message." Britney answered his question spitefully. She turned away from him again, closing up the duffel bag, the obvious fear and anger rattling her. "You checked my page? Damn it, did you read all of my pages? I mean, you should've if you're that damn insecure about us." Joey barked at her, his wrath radiating from his tense figure. It hurt to hear his voice that taut and angered, but it wasn't as bad as reading the message that Kelly left. It would never be that bad.

Britney twisted her lips, tears beating at her eyes. She lifted the duffel bag and then dropped it on the floor. "How the fuck can I not be insecure about us when I find some bitch's shirt in the laundry and then an open condom wrapped in the trash? Did you expect me to take it with a grain of salt and not put it all together?" Britney asked her boyfriend, her voice swallowed by her unshed tears. "I can't believe this shit." Joey groaned, stepping away from Britney. He laid his hand over his closed eyes, tilting his head back with shallow breaths.

"Who is she? What does she mean to you?" Britney inquired, turning around to look at him. Joey shook his head, lowering his hand. He swallowed hard, holding his eyes tightly closed. "She's a mutual friend of my brother's. He introduced me to her at the club... while you were gone. She was a really cool girl and we got along, that's it. It's not like I fell in love with her or even had feelings for her." Joey explained. He blinked his eyes open. He was man enough to look her in the eyes, to look into her face and feel her dissatisfaction. He wasn't man enough to handle seeing her hurt. That look in her eyes spoke a voice that sounded just like his conscience.

"Did you sleep with her?" Britney asked, her voice shrill and choked up with tears. As hard as she tried not to, the tears fell. She wasn't a survivor. The pressure was becoming too much for her. "It didn't mean anything." Joey blurted out, hoping to win over some form of approval from his crying girlfriend. "Did you fuck her?" Britney bluntly queried, her voice too hard to soften for him. Joey sighed longly, tears building up in his own eyes. Guilty. The way it surrounded his mouth, pulled out a pout, and darkened his expression left Britney with no other words for him. "God... yes, is that what you need to hear? Do you need to hear me say that I fucked Kelly on this bed while you were gone? Because if that's all I need to say to get back the Britney I know and love, I will shout it out to every fucking person that lives on this street." Joey pleaded, reaching for Britney with hopeful hands. The hands were appealing to Britney. At one time, they did mean hope and promise. Now, Britney could imagine where they were on her body, what they did to her and how they made her scream that night. She didn't want those hands on her after they had been on Kelly.

Britney lifted her duffle bag, shaking her head with disappointment. Her tears only dripped now, the pain finally giving way to acceptance. "Britney..." Joey's soft, drawn out voice called to her as she tossed the duffle bag over her shoulder. Britney sniffled quietly, taking small steps toward the door. She passed the outstretched hands, avoiding direct contact with Joey. "Please Britney." Joey begged, beginning to follow her. Shaprly, quickly, Britney spun around and her fist slammed into Joey's jaw, causing him to stumble back. Britney hissed lowly, drawing her throbbing hand down. She sighed, watching Joey lean onto the bed for support, his hand craddling his cheek and his eyes wide. No words and not a drop of care could hold her now. She continued her walk and left the room, shortly leaving the house and leaving her romance with Joey somewhere in Orlando.

It was drawing close to midnight, so close to Valentine's Day. The air was ripe with brewing love, love that was supposed to change the hearts of men and weaken the barriers of women. It was possible. At least, Howie thought so. Standing outside of Nikki's apartment with Danay, he could see things a little more optimistically. He could not have been more thankful for finally talking with Danay, being around her, and seeing what he had passed up over a year ago. What would his world be like without this? Nothing new, nothing real for him. Even watching Danay search for keys in her purse left Howie unsettled. This emotion rushing over him was unseen and unfelt for years.

"Danay." Howie whispered, laying a hand on her arm. Danay glanced up, pulling the keys from her purse. She batted her eyes and then smiled lightly, taking in that glimmer in Howie's eyes. "I don't know about you, but... after four dates, I feel like there's a lot of chemistry. A lot of something I'd like to have around for awhile." Howie stated, his voice filled with apprehension. Danay giggled quietly. She had never seen such a bashful side of Howie and it attracted her even more. "What are you saying Howie?" she asked, turning a little to place the keys in the door. Howie wrapped his hand around her arm, rubbing his thumb over her skin while trying to pull her back. She couldn't disappear that door just yet. He wouldn't settle for a peck on the cheek and a farewell like he had the previous nights.

Danay turned her head, looking back at Howie. Inside of his eyes, it was there, but she couldn't tolerate that. She needed to hear it from him. She was tired of almost having it. Now she needed a clear definition and a vocal reassurance. "I'm saying I don't want these to be just dates between friends." Howie said. Danay arched an eyebrow, unsatiated with his reply. "Which means?" Danay questioned. She wouldn't settle; she needed a declaration.

Howie swallowed hard, his nervousness adding to the glow of his smile. It was like being a virgin all over again, the senses and the feelings overrunning him. "It means I want you to be my girlfriend and I'd like to be your boyfriend. I'd like to be exclusive... I want to be a couple." Howie stated, his voice softening toward the end. Howie watched her hoping his words helped to explain his heart. But that's all he had to say. It was all he ever had to say to her. Just those words earned Howie the kiss Danay laid upon his lips, agreeing to his request with her lips. And when Danay pulled back, the moonlight filling her eyes with reflective love, Howie kept his loving smile. "I'm sayin' I love you." he softly sang to her, rubbing his cheek while admiring her beauty.

Nikki laid a cup of steaming tea in front of her moping friend, her eyes watching the way her friend's head drooped and the way she held her knees pulled up to her chest. Nikki sighed, pushing her own hair behind her shoulders as she strolled to the seat across from her friend. "It hurts really bad, doesn't it Brit?" Nikki asked, crossing her legs and leaning over her own cup of hot tea.

Britney sniffled quietly, flicking a few strands of her hair behind her ear. She let one arm lay on the table, her hand touching her cup of tea. Still hot. "I don't know how you did it Nikki. If I saw Joey laying in the bed with Leighanne..." Britney stopped herself, tears poking her eyes. She closed her eyes, allowing the tears to slip down her cheek. She sniffled a little quiet before giggling. "If I saw anyone in the bed with Leighanne, I'd kill the bitch." Britney joked, batting open her eyes, her lashes pulling apart tears. Nikki laughed with her, taking a quick sip of her tea.

"To think, it's been over a year and I still can't forgive either of them." Nikki admitted, her laughter bowing to her indifference. Britney lifted her cup, blowing away some of the steam. "It's understanable Nik'. Everyone knows you and Kevin were pretty serious and for him to cheat on you... we know it was hard. We all thought you and Kevin would be married soon." Britney commented, taking a brisk sip of the burning tea. Nikki nodded, chewing her lower lip. "We thought the same thing about you and Joey. I mean, it's been over two years for you two." Nikki noted, staring into her cup, watching the steam rise and the tea settle. Britney sniffled again, turning her eyes from the cup as burning tears began to trouble her once more. She too had that dream at one time.

"But my love is all I have to give..." Danay crooned as she barely pushed the door open and slid inside. A smile was plastered on her lips and her eyes were twinkling with the bright light of love. Eyes fell on her immediately as she goofily walked toward Britney and Nikki, twitching her hips and twirling her purse like a 1920s swing dancer. She sighed happily, flopping down in the seat next to Nikki, smiling toward both women. Where was that buzzing grin coming from? Nikki and Britney couldn't decide instantly, but they had only a small range of options.

"Oh God, this is how it starts. She starts with one Backstreet Boys song and then soon enough, she's singing full albums on the tour bus." Nikki commented teasingly, giving Danay a light nudge. Danay sighed again, her smile still glittery. "Is that what happened when you and Kevin made it official?" Danay asked softly, gazing out into the open space above her, lost in that cloud of silly love. "It's official? You're a couple now?" Britney asked, a hint of excitement running through her voice. Danay nodded happily. She couldn't be any higher off of this vibe.

Nikki laid her cup of tea on the table, leaning over it. "Be careful D, that Howie's a tricky one." Nikki noted. With an entertaining grin, Danay rolled her eyes mockingly. "You do the same with Ryan." Danay beamed, turning her head in Nikki's direction. Blush crept into Nikki's cheeks and she lowered her eyes to look at the table. "I've retired from the Backstreet men, thank you very much. And no one said I'm with Ryan or anything." Nikki retorted lowly, stirring a spoon in her cup of tea. Danay smiled smugly, relcining in her chair. "As long as you're not messing with one of those *NSYNC guys." Danay joked, crossing her arms over her chest. Britney sniffled wuietly, pushing her cup of tea aside. "Yeah, those *NSYNC guys are real assholes." Britney whimpered, standing from her seat. She didn't want to pretend to be happy with Danay and Nikki. She no longer had a reason to laugh and gossip about guys because she didn't know if she even wanted hers anymore. And it was reasonable, something Nikki didn't have to ask about to know. "I'm turning in." Britney whispered, walking from the room with slow, unsteady footsteps.

Danay's eyes immediately shot to Nikki, perplexed by Britney's actions. Nikki sighed, sucking in her lower lip and staring into her cooling tea. "Joey finally told Britney that he cheated on her today." Nikki answered Danay's unasked question. Danay quickly leaned forward in her seat, disturbed by Nikki's words. "Not Joey." Danay said, her voice chilled by disbelief. Nikki nodded, tapping her spoon on the side of the cup. "And this close to Valentine's Day too." Nikki exhaled heavily, laying her spoon on the table. She lifted her cup and took a small gulp of her tea while Danay slumped over in her chair. Both stayed in that silence, thoughts of a lost love between two of their closest friends leaving them wary of the power of love on Valentine's Day.

The steam had long left the room before Lance entered into his bedroom. A thin fuzzy towel was wrapped loosely around his waist as he took heavy steps through the room. Thin beads of water dripped down his back and on his shoulders, but majority of his body was dry. His hair was still damp, small spikes fashioned on his head by his own hands. His pale green eyes glanced around the almost quiet room as he searched for proper attire to wear to bed. He couldn't decide if it was too hot for a T-shirt or too cold to go without one.

In his bed laid his boyfriend, Bryce, comfortably lying on his stomach under the sheets on the bed. "Are you coming to bed now baby?" Bryce asked, his eyes slowly drooping as he laid in the bed. Lance watched the way Bryce's legs shifted under the sheets, the way the shift molded tightly on to Bryce's body, revealing the smooth shape of his ass. Lance groaned lowly, a familiar rush creeping into his lower body. He cocked his head to the side, striving to get a sharper view of Bryce and when he thought Bryce was looking, he quickly turned his eyes away, a shot of bashful redness grabbing his cheeks. "Come lay down with me Jamesy." Bryce requested lowly, his voice tauntingly sweet. That voice tingled in Lance's ears and hardened his cock under the towel.

Lance chewed on his lower lip, scratching the back of his head as he shyly walked over to the bed. Bryce remained in his position on the bed, patting to the pillow next to his. Lance smiled generously, watching the way Bryce batted his eyes, trying to remain awake in the bed. "Tired?" Lance asked, hooking his fingers under the towel. Bryce shrugged, yawning quietly. "Not really. Maybe just a little." Bryce replied, snuggling his head to the pillow. Lance giggled loftly, tugging the towel from his waist. He let it carelessly drop to the floor, his erection preceding him to the bed.

Before Bryce could peek up to see his naked lover's form, Lance was pulling back the sheets, leaving them ruffled near Bryce's feet. Lance grinned wickedly when viewing Bryce's body sprawled on his bed. "Jamesy... what are you doing sweetie? It's chilly." Bryce said, searching for something to warm him when the draft swept over his naked body. He could feel Lance crawling on the bed, bypassing the pillow. "I'll warm you up sweet stuff." Lance whispered, his voice thick with a deep Southern accent. He stradled Bryce's legs, his hands immediately moving to Bryce's smooth shoulders. He pressed his fingers into the cool, soft skin, rubbing lightly as Bryce tensed up under him. "You naked, you know that?" Lance asked coyly, his fingers dripping slowly over Bryce's back. Bryce hummed softly, closing his eyes as his lover massaged his back. "I thought you'd never notice." Bryce giggled, relaxing under Lance's skilled hands. "Does that mean you wanted to just cuddle ronight or a little something more?" Lance wondered, his fingers nimbly running over the small of Bryce's back. Bryce let a groan rumble in his throat, his lips shivering as Lance touched him. Those hands were bringing him to the brink of insanity and they had yet to explore Bryce's most sensitive regions. It wasn't supposed to feel that good. It felt too good, but maybe it was because Lance knew how to please his lover?

Lance leaned down a little, poking his erect penis into the area lying between Bryce's butt and his scrotum. The sensation pulled a longing moan from Bryce's lips. If only he had a condom within reach; he knew what he'd do, what he'd say. "It all depends on you James." Bryce grunted, his own fingers digging into his pillow as Lance cupped his buttocks. Lance squeezed ever-so-lightly before groping the firm ass, enjoying the sensation of his skin against his lover's. "And why's that?" Lance asked, leaning down to run his tongue over Bryce's shoulder blade. Bryce gasped, twisting his lower body so that it ran against Lance's dangerously strong erection. He blinked open his hazel eyes, panting lowly, searching for a reason not to allow Lance to touch him. There wasn't one. "I honestly don't feel like going into the bathroom and masturbating if you stop, but if you want to go to bed and catch up on your sleep, I won't stop you." Bryce responded, a hiss following his words as Lance peeled apart his cheeks and began to pet his hole.

Lance smirked smugly, pulling his hands from Bryce's body. "What if I said I'd rather watch you jack off?" Lance whispered before laying a damp kiss on Bryce's shoulder. Bryce smiled sweetly, lifting his lower body until it crashed into Lance's erection. He felt Lance run his hand over his sandy blonde hair and he exhaled lightly. "You're so kinky Jamesy." Bryce remarked, trying to push himself up. Lance fastened his hands to his boyfriend's shoulder and pushed him down. He laid a soft kiss on Bryce's cheek, running his hands downward to Bryce's hips. "I don't want to sleep and I don't want you pleasing yourself without me. Would you mind if I did a little something else?" Lance requested, short pants escaping his lips as he trailed rough hands over Bryce's butt. "Like make love to me?" Bryce asked, shutting his eyes again as Lance caressed him. Lance nipped at the top of Bryce's buttocks, his body drawing lower. "No... though, the thought crossed my mind." Lance smiled, kissing Bryce's left cheek. Bryce scrunched up his nose, grinding into the bed to satisfy his own erection. "Then what James?" Bryce wondered, hefty pants slipping through his pouty pink lips.

Bryce's reply came in a slow, wet lick across his entrance. A shiver coarsed through his body as he felt Lance's tongue glide over his pinkish hole. Bryce took in a sharp breath of air when feeling Lance's tongue traced around the hole. This was something new. Lance had never rimmed his lover before. It was so unexpected for Bryce, to feel his lover's tongue running circles around his hole, the tip carefully running over the groove that led to his insides. Bryce shudder, his fingers nearly tearing the bedspread under him apart. He didn't want to deny that Lance's tongue toying with the outside of his hole felt good, but he couldn't lose control just yet.

A throaty moan seeped through the air and Lance knew why. The way his boyfriend's hole was beginning to pucker explained Bryce's heavy moans. He was more than aroused by Lance's actions. Even Lance's own penis was throbbing incessantly just by the way Lance lapped at Bryce's ass. And it felt so good. Bryce howled, pushing his lower body back, pleading for Lance to purge deeper. His body became a liquid sunshine of pleasure as Lance began to kiss his hole with his thin lips.

And then it happened. Lance's tongue breached through the tight barrier that prevented him from tasting his lover deep inside. Bryce hissed lowly, pushing his head into the pillow and pushing his ass further against Lance's face. It felt incredible. The hot, moist tongue sliding a little deeper and deeper, like a finger would. "James... mmm, oh baby, don't stop..." Bryce pleaded, small beads of sweat smearing over his brow. The words were mixed in a cloud of moans. Bryce could no longer control how the bliss coated his body and left him helpless. He had to respond, but only loud, growling moans could break through the mist.

Lance's swollen lips kissed the outside ring as he lifted a hand to pet the moist hole. He sat up, letting his chest support him and keep him steady while his other hand drifted from his lover's hip to his weeping cock. When Lance's hand wrapped around Bryce's cock, his finger penetrated his ass. "Oh... oh, oh, baby..." Bryce groaned lowly, his hips moving with the rhythm of Lance's hands. Lance chewed his lower lip, his own cock brushing along the back of Bryce's thighs. He closed his eyes momentarily, savoring the sensations of his lover's thick penis gliding between his fingers, the muscles in his lover's ass pulling on his finger, and the feel of his lover's legs as they brushed repeatedly against his leaking cock. "Bryce... mmmm, you're so tight sweetie." Lance said huskily.

When Lance's finger curved and rubbed against his prostate, Bryce did everything he could not to tear the bedspread and scream out uncontrollably.

A soulful croon slipped from his lips as he blinked his eyes timidly and tried to adjust to the pure pleasure seething through his skin. Lance did it again, curving his finger and rubbing intently. "Oh, don't stop doing that... again, please... again Jamesy.." Bryce panted out, ducking his head.

Lance grinned wildly. His lover bucked a little, slamming his thighs against his thick penis. "Fuck..." Lance hissed against Bryce's back, the feeling of Bryce's sweaty skin running against his sending sharp spurts of ecstasy through his body.

Lance nimbly increased the pace in which his hand moved over Bryce's dick.

The lubrication from Bryce's precum left the task easier and more enjoyable for Lance. His thumb playfully ran over the tip of his lover's cock, pressing against the slit to collect more of the precum. He cautiously nipped at the small of Bryce's back, adding to the mounting rapture his boyfriend experienced. "Mmmm, you feel so good baby..." Lance whispered, laying a gentle kiss on Bryce's back. Bryce murmured something incomprehensible, bucking his hips even more. "And you taste sweet Bryce... so sweet." Lance added, easing another finger inside of Bryce. He curved his second finger until it caressed Bryce's prostate, sending another explosive shiver throughout his lover's aching body.

"I... I can't hold... much longer..." Bryce gasped out, his body rocking against Lance's hands. Bryce's agile body tensed up under Lance's proficient hands. The touches were so dangerous, pulling Bryce closer and closer to an inevitable orgasm.

Lance's eyes lit up watching the pure poetry in motion. The way Bryce's body bucked, arched, and shivered lifted his need for his lover's orgasm higher. The passionate cries Bryce hurled into the air, the scent of sex, pure passionate sex, left Lance moaning desperately. He caressed the grooves of his lover's insides, the soft tightness swallowing his fingers. "Oh Bryce, honey... just let it go. I need this... oh, yes, come on..." Lance pleaded, his cock verging on its own intense release. His hands continued to stroke Bryce's deeply red penis, the precum becoming thicker.

It was time. Bryce had felt this almost a thousand times in his life, but it always felt best with Lance. It was always strongest with the man who brought him to this place in his life. With shallow, heated breaths, Bryce called out again and again. The man who took his virginity was the man that made him walk through this mist of tropical pleasure. "Lance! I... oh, oh, oh..." Bryce groaned, hoping the words would naturally roll off his tongue. Somehow, they never made it. Only a loud gasp slipped from his mouth before he ejaculated across the bedspread, syrupy-thick beads of cum discharging from his throbbing penis. "Mmmm... mmm... mmmm..." Bryce hummed, his head lowering as his bucking slowed. Angels of softness and pleasure circled around his body, holding him still as the last of his sperm seeped out of his softening dick. "I love you." Bryce managed to whisper as his body lowered to the bed again. He felt Lance's hand pull from his cock and then his fingers cautiously pulled out of Bryce, leaving him almost empty.

Bryce chewed on his lower lip, resting in his world of silent ecstasy. A satiny dampness coated a portion of his upper thigh and he knew it was Lance's seed. He could imagine the facial expressions Lance created as he orgasmed behind him and it only added to the blissful world he existed in.

"Did you say I love you baby?" Lance asked cheerfully, scooping Bryce into his arms. Bryce nodded lazily, yawning quietly as his lover laid next to him. "I love you too Bryce." Lance grinned, placing a small peck on the corner of Bryce's lips. Bryce smiled back at Lance, his eyes glazed like a little boy. He ran a hand over Lance's head, fingers tangling in the fluff of falling spikes at the top of Lance's head. "And I love you enough to tell you something that's been bothering me lately." Lance added, pulling Bryce's other hand up, holding it with a less-than-serene expression altering his appearance. Bryce blinked his eyes repeatedly, waking himself to listen to Lance. He could sense the seriousness of the conversation in Lance's changing tone.

Lance propped himself up on an elbow, interlocking his fingers with Bryce's. He let his pale green eyes run over Bryce's calm form. 'How many times have you done this with other men?' Lance asked himself, letting his eyes focus on Bryce's crinkly hazel eyes. "I just wanted to tell you this because we've been talking a lot lately about how serious we want this relationship to be and I want to get this out instead of it coming up later on." Lance informed Bryce. Bryce scooted closer to Lance, sighing lowly. "Is this going to be one of those confessions where we end up going to bed silent?" Bryce wondered with a soft voice, his thumb brushing over Lance's bottom lip. Lance smiled meekly, Bryce's hand cupping his cheek while he gave Bryce's other hand a small squeeze. "I hope not sweet stuff." Lance replied. Bryce nodded, chewing on his lower lip again. He had his doubts.

"You know the basic history between myself, Nick, and JC. I think just about everyone has told you the drama that existed when I dated those guys." Lance stated, clearing his throat. Bryce nodded, an apathetic shadow covering his thoughts. "But there's something no one knows about my love life... and that's my past with Matt Thompson." Lance said, his eyes straying from Bryce as he spoke. Bryce sat up some, shocked by the name. He nervously loosened his grip on Lance's hand, swallowing quickly. "Matt? I thought you two were just friends." Bryce said shakily.

Lance exhaled loudly, laying back on the bed. He stared up to the ceiling, knowing how Bryce would react to the hidden information. How could he not be surprised? Mad? Hurt? But to keep a lover, Lance knew that honesty was his best remedy. "I wouldn't say that me and Matt were lovers, but we fooled around. Nothing big and nothing that I think about now, but it was something." Lance said, allowing Bryce to pull away a little. How could he expect Bryce not to? "I've only told Mandy this. No one else knows. I don't think anyone even has a clue about the times I'd go to see him in Miami or about the things we said." Lance added. He batted his eyes close when Bryce untangled their fingers. He nodded, taking in a healthy breath. "But I realized it was really nothing after awhile. It was me trying to figure out what direction my life was headed. I mean, I was still hurt about what happened between Joshua and Nick and..." Lance sighed, losing the will to continue with his confession. He sucked in his lower lip and let his eyes droop close.

A hand slipped over Lance's stomach, fingers fearfully running over the delicate skin. "When we were first... those times when we weren't together, but just messing around... were you messing around with Matt too?" Bryce asked, his voice lilted with sullenness. Lance guardedly rested a hand on Bryce's head, twirling his fingers through the soft dirty blonde hair. "Yes. I didn't know what we had and I didn't know what me and Matt had." Lance replied. Bryce skated his fingers over Lance's cooling skin, wishing he knew what to say and how to say it.

"And that night we were making out on the couch and I got that phone call and said it was a prank call." Lance stopped himself again. He couldn't go on. He knew this was hurting Bryce, even if Bryce wouldn't confess it or show that it did. "It was him." Bryce finished Lance's statement, his voice hollow. "I pressed star sixty-nine after you fell asleep in my lap. I had to know." Lance admitted, his guilt coming full circle. He drew his hand over Bryce's hair, letting it fall to Bryce's undeniably soft face. "I love you Jamesy." Bryce whispered, his voice weak. He snuggled to Lance, hoping to drown out the words Lance had spoken to him. He didn't need to hear anymore. He just needed to sleep and believe that it didn't mean anything. "I love you too Bryce baby." Lance whispered into Bryce's ear and maybe that was all that Bryce needed to believe in.

The room was bathed in a strong scent of sex. There was nothing subtle or kind about it. Clothing was strewn across the room, one used condom laid helplessly on the floor while another was still in use. The sheets were unkempt and the pillows were lost somewhere in the heep of clothing and shoes laid across the room. The walls still shook with the echoing sounds of loud, raw moans. It was sex, but it was the best damn sex they had had in awhile. Even as JC held onto Nick's back with one hand while Nick rode his cock in a fervent pace, their bodies coated in sweat, their breathing raged, and their eyes barely open, the room still held that same strong scent of masucline pleasure as it did at the height of their sexual intercourse.

JC gasped boisterously, tilting his head back while standing on his tip-toes. Fucking his husband while standing may not have been the most ingenious idea, but it was satisfying. The way Nick's tight hole milked his cock, JC didn't think he survive his forthcoming climax. But he was so close, and when Nick tightened the grip his legs had on JC's slim waist, JC knew he wouldn't make it. "Oh fuck... oh fuck, oh fuck, oh God, oh fuck..." JC groaned, laying moist kisses on Nick's neck.

Nick panted, gasping for air as he gripped JC's shoulders. His upper lip curled and he withheld a snarl as JC squeeze his balls, fingering the delicate flesh before rolling the round balls in his palm. "Oh, Joshua... I'm going to nut soon... yeah, mmmm, baby!" Nick cooed. He kissed JC's sweaty brow, puffing intently as JC's hand slid up his side, bypassing his aching penis to run his fingers over Nick's wiry dirty-blonde pubes. JC's confident fingers trickled over Nick's stomach, moving frigidly as his ejaculation drew closer and closer. The heat and thickness of Nick's member rubbing against his own stomach pulled a low moan from both men.

JC couldn't live without this. It felt too good to throw away. His fingers trailed down Nick's chest until they touched the softness of Nick's dick, feeling the slick head as it ran over his stomach in time with Nick's rising. His skin prickled with the currents of pleasure that raced through him every time he thrusted upward into Nick. "Oh Nick, you don't know how bad I want... I want to... cum in you..." JC groaned, his voice low. Those heady grunts of passion helped to pull Nick urgently closer to his needed release. Nick tightened his hole around JC's cock, pulling on it everytime he lifted upward. He felt JC's strong hand on his hip, helping to lift him upward, continuing their fucking for just a little more time.

"Shit... no... oh fuck!" JC groaned lowly, hissing as his penis released its semen into the condom. "Oh Nick..." he gasped out, his dick pulsing inside of his motionless husband. A few sharp in takes of air resounded through the room before JC felt a hot liquid coating his stomach, causing a smile to freckle over his lips. The deep groans rolling through his ear, his husband's lips pressed close to his lobe, left JC's knees weak and he knew he'd lose balance soon. He nudged Nick's butt, trying to lift him. Nick willingly helped his husband, lifting up until JC's flaccid member was completely removed from his hole. JC sighed with subtle relief, untangling Nick's legs from around him and lowering hus husband to the floor again.

Nick kept his hands resting on JC's shoulders as his feet met with the cool floor again. He felt JC run thin fingers through his damp hair and it calmed him after an intense orgasm. A hand laid on his hip, gentle fingers brushing over his skin and Nick loved it.

"That was great Nicky." JC said, pulling away from Nick. He scooted back, slowly pulling the condom from around his penis. He tied it and carelessly tossed it into the trashbin, clearing his throat as his he moved throughout the room. He snatched up Nick's boxers and used them to remove his husband's cum from across his belly.

Nick let a pout form over his lips. That couldn't have been all. Sure, he could remember times when he and JC fucked and went directly to sleep, but they were married now. It had to be a little more than a pat on the back after sex. He hoped it was a little more than that. Watching his husband slip into a pair of fresh boxers, Nick let his brow wrinkle and his eyes crease into a saddened shade. "Hey Joshua," Nick called out to him. JC looked up curiously, giving Nick a fond response with his eyes. "I love you." Nick said, the only three words he could manage to say. JC smiled at him and then winked. He crossed the room with hasty steps and ran his fingers through Nick's hair again. "I love you too, Nicky. Always." JC whispered, placing a gentle, but short kiss on Nick's lips. That was good enough to make Nick smile, but not enough to make him forget his thoughts.

"I'm heading to bed babe. You coming?" JC asked, dropping his hand to his side. Nick shot his husband a crooked smirk. "I thought I already did that." he replied slyly. JC parted a small smile, rolling his eyes. "Cute." he said dully. "No, I'm going to stay up for a few, relax." Nick sighed out. JC shrugged, patting Nick's shoulder. "Suit yourself." he chimed, laying a quick peck on Nick's cheek before immediately skipping towards the bed. And that's all it was.

Sitting in the darkness of his house, covered with lazy grays and coaly blues, Nick felt unsure. It wasn't the shadows and it wasn't that faint buzz that came from the muted television in front of him. It was his marriage, it was what Nikki had said to him the previous night. Did he have his husband's heart yet? In some ways, he felt he did, but internally, in that little section of his heart that always spoke to him when he canived to keep JC, he knew the bliss they once shared was becoming as dark as the purplish sky floating above. He had no solutions. He didn't want to let JC go; not for Lance, not for Nikki, not for a good fuck with Stevie, and surely not for Justin. Why couldn't he ever have anything for himself? 'I couldn't have Lance because JC wanted him. I couldn't have Brian because Justin wanted him. Hell, I can't even have my husband because everyone wants him. Who can I call my own?' Nick wondered.

He sighed heavily, leaning on the kitchen table. It was meant to be. They were meant to be married, even though Nick knew what really happened that night. He knew what went into making sure that night went right. And only two others knew of it. 'God, if he knew who the witnesses were, he might know...' Nick shucked the thought to the back of his mind. He had no reason to think of that now.

In the background, he could hear the DJ talking over the radio, the useless babble leaving him restless. He reached across the table and pulled JC's wallet into his hands. He lazily pulled it closer, reclining in his chair. 'Careful Carter... last time you messed with something of JC's, he broke up with you.' Nick reminded himself as he flipped JC's wallet open. He didn't care right now. He just needed to get his mind off of his troubles and he knew that alcohol wouldn't do it right now. It was too late.

The first picture Nick stumbled upon was of JC and his family, all together, all smiling, and all full of life. 'They seem like they love me.' Nick thought to himself, staring intently at his in-laws. He could still remember the warmth they showed him during the Christmas holiday, all except Tyler, but he knew why. He knew Tyler had always had hopes for Nikki and JC, but Nick didn't let it derail him from attempting to win over Tyler's friendship.

He skipped to the next picture and at that moment, he wished for a drink of alcohol. Staring at a picture of JC standing behind Justin, arms wrapped around Justin's neck, both giggling happily, Nick felt everything inside of him crumble. The pose walked the thin line between a brotherly embrace and a cuddling couple's picture. Nick hated it. They were too close, too happy. It hurt like hell. And to know, as he flipped to the next picture, one of Nick smiling sleepily, his husband chose to place a picture of Justin and him in front of a picture of his husband left Nick sick.

Nick dropped the wallet on the tabel, his face burned into a scowl. Suddenly the song playing on the radio was all he wanted to think about. The lyrics were just a little too true. Leaning back to turn it up, he let frustrated tears roll through his eyes, his lips pouted and his body tense. He roughly wiped falling tears from his cheek, his anger preventing him from wallowing on his sadness. He had to have this for his himself. Nick wasn't sharing this time. He no longer cared what Nikki said or what he saw between Justin and JC or Nikki and JC. Crying over this marriage wasn't something Nick planned to do forever. Then again, Nick knew what was coming and by the river of tears that he shed, he could see what direction the current of his marriage was moving in.

Moving on baby

I went to the river, thinkin' bout jumpin' in

Thinkin' about your ways baby

Trying to forget how to swim

As I stood there, watching the train go by

Oh what a message - That's when I realized

Oh baby, is it gonna last very long

Look at the river and how it keeps movin' on

Oh baby, what we had is almost gone

Look at the river and how it keeps movin' on

Movin' on

Would you just look at the river

Movin' on

Somewhere, halfway across the same thoughts that Nick had, another world seemed to be looking at the river for direction. Justin laid in his bed with Brian resting in his arms. The night didn't go the way he wanted. Justin sighed, frustrated that his husband never opened up to him about his problem. 'Why is he being like this? He's acting like an... like an asshole.' Justin thought, drawing his fingers through Brian's soft hair. He listened to Brian's soft, steady breathing. 'How can he be so peaceful when he's hurting inside? Damn it, I need to know.' Justin grumbled, turning his head to glance at the window of their bedroom. Why did the song on the radio have to reflect his relationship at the moment? Justin had shared too many good times with Brian to let this constant barrier keep them apart.

When Brian moaned quietly and snuggled closer to Justin's warm body, Justin thought of the nights they had did this. Those nights where Justin would just hold Brian until he fell asleep, his guardian angel protecting him from the shadows and from any nightmarish thoughts. But that angel couldn't read Brian's thoughts and didn't know his dreams. 'But this angel loves Brian so much.' Justin sighed to himself, glancing down at Brian. Those chiseled cheeks flexed with happiness, Justin knew it. Still, the thoughts and feelings were there. Those unhappy moments were leaving Justin weak and frustrated.

My emotions move with the current and the wind

No direction, and no definite end

That's when I realized

How the ripples in the water seemed to shine

Reminds me of you and I baby, at one point in time

And just like a river (Like a river flowin' into a waterfall)

After falling, are we movin' on?

Inside I feel

I can feel it flow (I can feel it flow)

Oh baby, is it gonna last very long

Look at the river

Look at it how it keeps movin' on and movin' on

Oh baby, what we had is almost gone

Look at the river and how it keeps movin' on

Movin' on

The creek of the door opening and small footsteps echoing through the room caused Justin to draw his eyes from Brian. "Daddy?" Angel called out, taking wobbly steps into his parents' bedroom. Justin sat up a little, letting Brian's head slip lower down his chest. "Bastian? Are you okay baby?" Justin asked as Angel walked shakily into the room, rubbing his eyes with a strong pout on his lips. "Daddy... sweepy..." Angel whined, leaning onto the bed. "Did you have a bad dream Bastian?" Justin asked, reaching a hand down to help his son into the bed. "Ye.. yes." Angel replied, crawling up to Justin. Angel immediately tapped his sleeping father's shoulder. "Dad?" Angel wondered, looking up to receive an answer from his wallowing father. "He's sleeping Bastian. Go ahead and laid down next to him." Justin whispered, patting to a place near Brian. Angel smiled sheepishly before laying down close to Brian snuggling toward him. Brian sighed through his sleep, drapping an arm around his son's body.

For Justin, there wasn't a better picture of happiness. He wanted this all the time, but he couldn't have it. In fact, he barely got it. 'But why? Shit, can't I get a break? Can't I be with this man and this child and be happy? What the hell is the point of love if you never get to enjoy it?' Justin grumbled to himself, stroking Angel's blonde hair. He shook his head, listening to the music trickling through the room. Nothing went his way when he wanted it the most. It was always just enough to get him to the next point.

Under the train bridge - It keeps movin' on

Goes round to the whirlpool - It keeps movin' on

No still waters baby

Are gonna hold me down

And all I wanna know is - Are you comin' with me?

Oh, I have got to keep moving on

Oh, oh, mm mm

Moving on yeah

Moving on I said

Moving on

Oh baby, is it gonna last very long

Look at the river and how it keeps movin' on

Oh baby, what we had is almost gone

Look at the river and how it keeps movin' on

Justin sighed before glancing back down at his sleeping loves. He couldn't do without this, no matter how young he was and how hard it was on him. He couldn't control the river of his life, but he sure as hell was going to swim against the currents if it meant getting to his happiness. And when he got there, Angel would be there to hug him and show him that part of fatherhood he always wanted. And Brian... Justin hoped he'd be there. He hoped Brian would see past the ache and confusion and walk with him through the waters of love. But that's all he could ask for. He wanted to keep moving, but not without the man that made the swim worth swimming.

Moving on

Moving on I said

Moving, moving (Moving)

Moving, moving (Baby)

Moving, moving (Would you just look, look at the river)

Moving on

Moving on I said

TO BE CONTINUED...

--- I highly recommend you download the song "The River" by Wild Orchid. It's very empowering and relaxing. But anyway, that was part one of the Valentine's story. I'm a couple of days behind my schedule, but I'm just glad I got this part done. I hope I can work my ass off to get the next part and the B-Day story done by the beginning of March, but that's asking a LOT of myself! I just started working again and that takes up a lot of my time now. I'm still thinking of the readers though and I'm working hard to get my chapters done. I just want them to be right and not crap. You can now send in your ideas for the fan appreciation story, but be careful because the next part of 'Symptoms of a Heartbreak' isn't out and you don't know what couples will survive. But I'm sure you have your guesses. Oh yeah, another part of fan appreciation month is an interlude story about a chat the guys of *NSYNC have. BUT I NEED QUESTIONS FROM THE READERS! That means you can send questions to me for that 'chat' in the story and they'll be asked and answered. Keep in mind, your questions have to go along with the storyline, so you can't ask JC about Nick because the public doesn't know about that. However, you can ask JC who he's dating or ask Lance who he's involved with. You can ask just about anything about Justin & Brian, Chris & Meelah, Joey & Britney. So PLEASE send those questions in immediately so I can get that interlude written right after the next Valentine's story! Thanks! I think that's all for now. I always forget something. Please write me about this chapter! I want to know what you thought. It's not half as good as December, but I'm trying with the time I'm given. Oh yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRIAN LITTRELL!!! And have you checked out Justin's hair now? Can we say SEXY?! You know that hairstyle will be in the storyline. Pray that *NSYNC wins a Grammy. May you stay blessed and happy and until next time... ---