Brian and Me

Okay, folks, here's the next one. Apologies for how long it took, but shit, as they say, happens. Here it is, and I do hope you all enjoy.

Disclaimer is the same as always. I know nothing of any of the people discussed in this story. I don't know their shoe sizes, let alone their sexual proclivities, and so this entire work is and should be viewed as a complete work of fiction. Any similarities to anyone real are completely coincidental. If you shouldn't be viewing material of this nature, then please do not. If you continue past this point, it's all on you. You've hereby been warned and disclaimed. :)

Part 25

"Um... hello?"

"Nate?"

"Robbie?" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Andy glance up quickly. I turned to face her, shrugging my shoulders at her silent question.

"Nate!"

"Robbie, what's going on? Are you okay?"

"I guess so. I read your interview in the paper, and I had to call."

"Does your mother know you're calling me?" I asked, though I thought I could probably guess the answer to that. I walked back to the table and sat down across from Andy, who was watching intently.

"No. She's not home from work yet."

I sighed and bit my lip before answering. "You probably shouldn't be calling, Rob. You know she'd have a fit if she found out, and I could get in a lot of trouble if she got mad enough."

"But I miss you. And I thought that, now that you're back in LA, we could get together or something. Like we did that time with Brian and the other guys."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea. Your mom's made herself pretty clear about you not being around me, and I can't think of a way to get her to agree to it like the last time."

There was silence on the other end for a moment, and then Robbie's voice returned, though it had taken on a whole different tone. "Don't you want to see me?"

"No, that's not it at all! It's just that I don't know how we could do it. People tend to read things into a grown man and a boy sneaking around town, you know. If your mom found out--"

"Maybe you could talk to her! Maybe she'd change her mind!"

I thought that the chances of that happening were about the same as Andy and I having kids together. I put my elbow on the table and rested my forehead in my hand. Andy tapped me on the shoulder and motioned that she wanted to talk to me. "Rob? Can you hold on for a minute?"

"Sure."

I put my hand over the receiver and looked up at Andy. "He wants to see me again. He thinks I should talk to Mrs. James and try to get her to come around to the idea of us spending time together."

"You think she would?"

"I can almost guarantee that she won't, Andy. You remember what she was like."

"But is there a chance?"

"About one in a million."

"Then agree to talk to her. If there's any chance at all, you have to take it. It won't hurt anything to talk to the woman. She can't do anything more than keep you away from Robbie, and she's doing that now."

I thought about that for a minute, adding into the mix the fact that I missed Robbie intensely. I hadn't realised how much until I had heard his voice on the phone. It was painfully obvious that he missed me too. I took my hand off of the phone and put it to my ear again. "Robbie?"

"What?"

"What time does your mom get home from work?"

"She'll be home in about ten minutes or so. Why?"

"Does she get home at the same time every day?"

"Pretty much."

"Okay then," I said, crossing my fingers at Andy, who returned the gesture, adding a smile. "How about I come over to see you tomorrow evening, after she gets home? I'll try and talk to her and see what I can do to get her to change her mind."

"Really?"

I laughed at the sudden joy in his voice. "Yes, really. I can't promise that I can convince her to let us hang out again, but I'll give it my best shot."

"I know you'll do it, Nate."

"Don't get your hopes up, okay? I'm not very optimistic about your mother agreeing to this. But I'll give it a shot. If she still disagrees, we'll see where we stand from there, okay?"

"Alright."

"Okay. Now, do you want to say hi to Andy? She's sitting right here."

"Sure!"

"Alright then. I'll talk to you later. How about you give me a call tomorrow as soon as she gets home from work, and I'll come over shortly after that."

"Got it."

"Okay, here's Andy." I handed the phone to the grinning fool beside me and stood up from the table as she said hello.

Pulling out my cell phone, I decided to share the news. I was starting to get pretty excited about getting to see Robbie again, despite my warnings for him not to get his hopes up. Not that I actually thought that I could do anything to change his mother's mind, but at least I'd get to see him for a few minutes while I tried. I hit the button for Brian, and waited as it rang.

"Hello, Brian's phone."

"Hey, Howie. Is he there handy?"

"Oh hi, Nate. No, he's having a shower. We just got back from playing basketball. If it's really important, I could venture in and get him for you. The water just started, so he might not be too wet yet."

I laughed. "No, that's okay. I just needed to share for a minute. You'll do, if you don't mind."

"Not at all. What's up?"

"I just got a phone call from Robbie."

"Robbie... Oh! Robbie, your little brother?"

"The very one. He called out of the blue a few minutes ago. He saw an interview that I did for a local paper the other day, and found out that I moved back to town, so he called."

"What about his mother?"

"She doesn't know that he called. I don't know whether she knows that I'm back or not."

"So he just wanted to say hi?"

"Not exactly. He wants to get together again like we did with you guys the last time. I told him that I didn't think it would be too likely."

"Sounds like he really misses you."

"No more than I miss him," I sighed. "I wish there was some way to get his mother to stop being such a bitch about all of this."

"So you don't think that there's a way?"

I smiled at the concern in Howie's voice. When Brian and I had first gotten together, I would never have guessed that we would be having such a friendly conversation, or that I would ever find him supporting me like this. "Honestly? I don't think so. Unless something's changed big-time, she's bound to still see me as a threat and want me to stay as far away from Robbie as possible."

"I'm sorry, Nate. I wish there was something that we could do."

"Me, too. But, I'm going to give it a shot anyway, though I'm not expecting much to come of it. I'm heading over to Robbie's tomorrow after his mom gets home from work. I promised to try and talk to her about letting us see each other, but I seriously doubt that she'll go for it."

"At least you'll get to see Robbie for a bit, though."

"That's what I was just thinking. If nothing else, I'll come away from it with that."

"Maybe, if she still won't budge, you could work out some way to see him anyway. Pick him up at school, or meet him somewhere every now and then. He could tell her that he's hanging out with a friend. It wouldn't be a lie, exactly."

"I don't want to get into that, though. First off, I don't want to encourage him lying to his mom. He's all that she has left now that her husband is gone, and no mother should be lied to. Secondly, they have a term for adult guys who pick up thirteen-year-old boys from school. They're called perverts. I wouldn't be surprised if she had me brought up on kidnapping charges, and that would definitely not be good for book sales."

Howie laughed and agreed with me. "So you're just going to go and see her tomorrow and try your luck?"

"Pretty much. I just wanted to call and tell Brian about it. He took a liking to Robbie, and I thought he'd want to know. That, and I just hate the fact that Brian's not right here to tell."

"Well, I'll tell him when he's out of the shower and have him call you. I think he was going to anyway."

"Okay then. I'll talk to you later?"

"Sure. You're coming down next week, right?"

"Yep. Saturday afternoon some time."

"Oh."

"What's the problem?"

"No big problem. It's just that we're in the studio on Saturday for most of the day. We might not be here when you get here."

"What about Kristin?" I would be staying in the house that Kevin, Kristin and Howie shared when I went to Orlando. Brian had moved in there until everything was worked out with Leighanne. He hadn't thought it fair to continue to live with her, at least until things were settled.

"She's going to be out of town. Should be coming back Sunday afternoon, though."

"Well, I'll find some way to amuse myself until you call, and then I'll make my way to the house." I was a little disappointed that Brian wouldn't be there to greet me, but it wasn't that big of a deal. Not like they were going out of town or something.

"We'll figure something out," Howie agreed.

"Sounds good. So you'll tell Brian to call me? We're about to sit down for dinner."

"Sure. Talk to you later."

"Bye, Howie," I said, flipping the phone closed again and putting it back in my pocket.

Andy was done talking to Robbie and was sitting at the table again, waiting for me to come to dinner. "You talking to Brian?" she asked as I sat down.

"No -- Howie. Brian was in the shower."

Andy nodded and started to eat. We talked about what I was going to do as we ate and I waited for Brian to call back. Andy wanted to come with me when I went to talk to Robbie's mother, but I refused. I didn't think that Andy - who Mrs. James had never met, and barely even knew existed - would be able to help. Mrs. James would likely just be more resentful about it, and feel like she was under attack, which would put her on the defensive even more than she would already be.

We tried to come up with something to tell her to get her to see that I wasn't out to hurt Robbie in any way, but nothing really came to mind. The only thing that sounded even remotely like it would work was the plain, simple truth. Robbie and I missed each other, and I wasn't a threat. I decided that I would just play it by ear when I got there, so that it wouldn't look rehearsed.

"So you have no idea what you're going to say?" Andy asked as she put her plate in the dishwasher after dinner.

"Nope. Whatever comes to mind, I guess. I would imagine that Robbie will have something to say too. He's old enough to make himself heard." I added my plate to hers with a sigh. "I don't think that there's a chance in hell that this is going to work."

"Don't say that. You can be pretty convincing when you have to be."

"I couldn't convince her before, though. She basically threw me out of the house and threatened to call the cops."

"Maybe you should have let her call them. I know some very cute cops." Andy smiled, obviously trying to inject a little levity into the conversation.

"Maybe, but I do happen to have a pretty darn cute boyfriend myself, you know." As if on cue, the apartment phone started ringing. "And that's probably him now," I added, grabbing it off of the table. "Hello?"

"Hey, sweetie."

"Hi! You all showered and clean?"

"Yeah. I would have called sooner, but Howie said that you were going to be eating dinner. I didn't interrupt, did I?"

"No, we just got finished." I collapsed onto the couch and watched a couple of kids run by outside.

"So Robbie called?"

"Yeah. My heart jumped a little when I heard his voice," I smiled. "He seemed to be pretty happy to hear mine, too."

"I'm sure he was. I always am."

"Aww, aren't you sweet?" I laughed. "He wanted me to talk to his mom about letting us hang out again, so I agreed to go tomorrow and try to get her to agree. I doubt it will work, but I have to try."

"Well, you know I'm behind you. I'll come there and kick her ass for you if you want."

"You just get sweeter and sweeter. Now you're willing to commit assault just for me?"

"Well, it bothers me that she's being so stubborn about this. No one would be better to him than you were. I just don't get why she can't see that. He was happy when you were together, and he never came to any harm. You'd think that she'd be happy to have someone like you in her son's life. You're an excellent role model for him."

I blushed a little at the ego-stroking. "He was good for me, too. It started to feel like he was my own kid, you know? But I think that the role model thing is what's bothering her. I'm sure she thinks that he's going to learn a lot more from me than how to throw a curve ball, if you know what I mean."

"Like she wouldn't have noticed a change in him before she found out that you were gay if that were the case. Like he's going to learn to be gay."

"I didn't say it was a logical opinion; just one that she happens to have. And it's going to be a huge hurdle to getting her to agree to this."

"Well, you'll figure something out. You're good at thinking around corners and getting into other people's heads. And if she still doesn't agree, we'll just kidnap him, and the three of us will run off and become a family in Zimbabwe."

I laughed at the mental image. "I think you might be recognised, even in Zimbabwe. Besides, I want to move to Botswana. It's a much cooler name for a country."

"Botswana it is. Anything for my baby."

"You're just too good to me. Though I hear that you're going to be ditching me to be in the studio when I get there next week."

"What?"

"Howie told me that you're supposed to be in the studio next Saturday afternoon, and that's when I'll be getting into town. I told him I'd find something to amuse myself until I heard from you and then I'd come to your place."

"Like hell you will."

"It's not like you can just cancel studio time to be there to let me in, Brian."

"I can't be there, but you're not just going to wander around town for hours until I get home. I'll leave your name at the gate so that you can get to the house, and I'll get you a set of keys. You can let yourself in."

"Don't you think you might want to check with Howie and Kevin about that?"

He sighed. "I suppose I should, but they're not going to care about it. Let me talk to them, and if they agree, I'll get a spare set made tomorrow and send them out."

I agreed with the plan. I didn't think that either of them would have a problem with it either, but I didn't want to wind up with either of them resenting me for butting into their lives like that.

"So what did you do today?"

I still hadn't told Brian about the new book. While I was doing well with it, I was still a little nervous about actually talking about it too much. Even between Andy and I, the conversation around it was limited to her asking how it had gone, and my response that it had gone fine. We hadn't discussed this. It was an arrangement that we both understood implicitly.

"Nothing much." Technically, that was true. I had spent the day working on the story. In the strictest sense, that was only one thing, which would fall into the category of 'nothing much'.

"I know we haven't talked about it since New Years, but are you still having trouble writing?"

"Let's about that when I get there."

"Sure. Didn't mean to bring up a touchy subject. I just worry about you being there by yourself if you're not working. You're not driving yourself crazy, are you?"

"Just crazy with longing," I laughed. "And don't worry about bringing it up. Like I said, though, how about we wait until I get there to talk about it?"

"Okay."

I knew by his tone that he was wondering what was up. But, I knew that by the time I got there, I'd be ready to talk with him about it. There was a certain line in my head, and I knew that I would be across it by then. "Tell me about your day."

I talked with Brian for about fifteen more minutes before I finally hung up, smiling. Andy was sitting in the rocking chair, looking at me. I finally couldn't take it any longer. "What are you staring at?"

"You. Just noticing your smile. And how it seems to appear at the mere mention of Brian."

"What's not to smile about? I have Brian, I have you, and I have a new book in the works. My life's finally falling back into place again."

"Does that mean that you're going to let Brian put that ring on properly?" Andy pointed to the silver on my finger.

"It means that we're getting closer to that," I said with a smile. "I have Brian's ring on order, and we'll take it from there. I'm still a ways from being entirely sure, though. Don't be looking for any announcements after I get back from Orlando."

"Whenever you're ready, sweetie. Just wondering. I take it from my eavesdropping that you still haven't told him about the book?"

"Not yet. I want to keep it to myself for this week. Then I'll tell him about it when I get down there. He's going to have to know anyway, since I'll be taking my computer with me. He's bound to notice that I'm clicking away on it."

"You going to let him read it?"

I shrugged, which was more than enough answer for her.

"You are!"

"I didn't say that."

"But you didn't give me the typical immediate no, either. You always say no right away. You not only hesitated, but you didn't even answer."

"Okay okay! I'm pretty sure that I'm going to let him read it, yes. Okay? That's if he wants to read it."

"He will. And if he's half as smart as I think he is, he's going to know exactly what it means. You know, you letting him read a book in progress might just be even more of a commitment than getting married for you."

"Nothing will be more of a commitment than that," I said, looking down at the ring on my finger. "Andy?"

She looked at me for a moment, probably wondering why my expression had suddenly become more serious. "What is it, sweetie?"

"You're not jealous, are you? About Brian getting to read the book and not you? Or just about me and Brian?"

Andy got up and joined me on the couch, putting her hand on my knee. "I'm curious about the book, of course, but I know that you'd show me if you could. I accept that just like always. If your relationship with Brian is such that you can show him, then I'm happy for you."

"That wasn't the question there, sweetheart," I said, giving her a grin. "I know that you're happy for me -- for us both. But that wasn't the question."

"There's going to be stuff that you share only with Brian. I know that. It's what marriage is all about."

"Which is still not the question. I asked if you were jealous."

Andy searched my face and, finding that I wasn't going to give up until she answered me, she sighed. "I little bit, I guess. I mean, I've had you to myself for a long time, and now I have to share you with Brian."

I smiled. "Andy, you've had to share me with Erron, and Cindy and Jeff, and--"

She reached up and stopped me from talking. "That was different. You and I have a different connection than they do. You know that."

"Yeah, I do. As much as I love them, you're special. I've known that since the first time I met you. As soon as you managed to manoeuver your way into the registration line like that, I knew there was something there." I was quiet for a moment, replaying our first meeting in my head with a smile. "Andy?"

"Hmm?"

I put my hand to her face, stroking her cheek with my thumb. "If things were different - if I weren't gay - I would have asked you to marry me long ago."

Andy smiled and nodded. "I would have asked if you didn't. In a way, that's what makes this a little bit bittersweet. I mean, we've been practically married for a long time. We live together, we've seen each other naked, we know pretty much everything there is to know about each other. Except for sex, we may as well be married. You don't have that with Erron or anyone else. It's just kinda weird to be letting Brian into that."

"I can understand that. If it's any consolation, Brian's probably a little jealous of you, too."

"Why?"

"He and I were talking way last year about this. He was a little jealous of Erron because of our relationship. He wanted to have that connection with me that he saw with Erron."

"Yeah, but Erron's been around a lot longer than Brian has."

"That's what I told him. I haven't talked about you with him, but I would imagine that he's feeling the same way that he was with Erron. It's obvious that you and I are closer than close, and he probably feels a little jealous of the head start that you have on him."

"That's sweet, I guess," Andy smiled. "But he's catching up pretty fast. You guys connect on some weird level that even I can't understand. Besides, it took me forever to actually get to know most of the important stuff about you, remember? You were pretty closed off until you came out, and that wasn't until third year. Brian got to know from the start, and you've been able to be open with him all this time.

"Look at how soon after you got together you decided to tell him about your past, and share so much of yourself with him. Not to mention that he gets to be with you intimately. I don't think he has much to be jealous of, personally. Not that I'm invalidating it, but he's on pretty solid ground in your family."

"As solid as my family seems to be able to be, anyway," I laughed. "But you're right about there not being anything for him to be jealous about. The same goes for you, too, you know. He might become my husband, but you're pretty much always going to be my wife. He's got one, why can't I?"

"Aww," Andy said, punching me in the arm. "That was sweet. And, no matter what, you can always be my wife too."

"Good." I leaned back against the arm of the couch, pulling Andy with me so that she was lying down with me. "Can I ask you something else?"

"Sure." She dropped her head to my chest and turned her gaze to the front yard out the window opposite us. The sun was going down, and the kids across the street were playing hopscotch on their sidewalk.

"How come you're not seeing anyone?"

That got her attention. She raised her head to look up at me. "What?"

"You heard me. I know that you said that you didn't feel like dating right now, but I get the feeling that there's more to it. What's going on, Andy?"

She put her head back down before answering. "Nothing's wrong. I just don't really feel like it."

"Andy."

"What? You know me. I'm just not one of those people who is into the whole dating thing. I don't like it. The whole awkward getting-to-know-you stage, and the first date, and the expectations and inevitable let-down. At the moment, I can do without it. I'm working at a job that I love, and I have a wonderful family around me and terrific friends. I'm satisfied with the way things are right now."

"So you never want to get married?"

"I didn't say that. I might do it at some point. Just not right now. Think about it, sweetie. I have everything that I would have if I were married."

"What?"

"I have my family and friends, I have a great job, money in the bank, and as we've just mentioned, I have you. You fill just about every criteria for a husband, Nate. Things are good, and I don't want to change them."

"I might fill most of the criteria, and I'm happy to do that. You know that. But I don't fill all of them."

"I can take care of that myself, you know."

I had to laugh. "That's not what I meant. What happens after Brian and I get married? What if I move into a place with him, and you're here alone again?"

"So what if you do? It's not like we'll lose touch. You're stuck with me."

"What about kids, Andy? I know that you want them. I'm counting on being able to corrupt your kids, and spoil them rotten."

"I've got lots of time to have kids, Nate."

"If you keep saying that, you might find that you don't have as much time as you thought."

"Nate?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we not talk about this? Everything will work out. If it doesn't, then we'll deal with it. Right now, I'm happy with things. That's all anyone has any right to ask for. If things change, you'll be the first to know."

"Tell me that you're totally satisfied, and I'll let it drop."

She raised her head again to look me in the eye. "Of course I'm not totally satisfied. No one ever is. But I'm satisfied, Nate. I really am. I'm okay. You just worry about putting a ring on Brian's finger and leave mine alone. Oh, and promise to invite my spinster ass over for holidays. I don't want to have to spend them with my hundred cats."

"Deal," I grinned.

"Good. Now, aren't you dying to get back to the book?"

I had been before Robbie had called. Now, it didn't seem like such a pressing issue. I was content to just lie there for a while with Andy and enjoy being with her. It wasn't something that we really did often. Usually we spent our time together engaged in some sort of activity, whether watching a movie or playing a game of cards or whatever. Rarely did we just sit. I decided that sitting was exactly what I wanted to do at the moment.

"No," I said with a smile, urging her to put her head back down. "I'm good right where I am."

"Good. Nate?"

"What, sweetie?"

"Thanks."

"T'weren't nothing, ma'am," I laughed, resting my head back in the corner between the arm and the back of the couch.

PART 26

I sat in the car, trying to work up the nerve to actually get moving. I had been fine until I had turned onto Robbie's street. Then, a wave of uncertainty had washed over me and I had had to pull over to the curb for a few minutes.

Questions flooded my mind as I fiddled with the radio. I wasn't really wanting to listen to it, but it was something to keep my hands busy while I thought. I always thought better when my hands were occupied. I suppose it comes from writing. With my fingers taking care of the actual typing, my mind was able to go it's own way and supply them with something to type.

What was Robbie's mother going to say? What was I going to say to her? Would she even let me in the house? Was there something that I hadn't said or done the last time we had spoken that I should have? Had I said or done something that I shouldn't have? How much trouble was Robbie going to be in when she found out that he had called me? All of these questions and more ran around in my head, echoing back and forth and getting louder each time.

I was finally rewarded for my fiddling as a blast of music came out of the speakers. I jumped in the seat, my hands falling away from the radio. The song was much harder than I would normally have chosen, but it was definitely lively. With a sigh, I decided to bite the bullet and get it over with, reminding myself that the situation with Robbie couldn't really get much worse.

I put the car back into gear and pulled out onto the street again. Not in any great hurry, I let the car crawl the couple of blocks to Robbie's driveway. Pulling into it, I parked behind Mrs. James's car and killed the engine. I took another moment to gather myself before I opened the door and got out, preparing to be met at the door by an irate mother.

Instead, Robbie answered my knock and ushered me inside. "She's changing out of her work uniform," he explained in a whisper. "She's in a good mood, too."

Thinking that I was about to obliterate that, I gave him what I hoped looked like a confident smile. "That's good. You didn't tell her that I was coming?"

I took a moment to look him over. He'd changed quite a bit since the last time I'd seen him. He was taller, and his shoulders were starting to show just the first indications of broadening. He carried himself differently, too. And when he'd spoken, I'd found myself trying not to notice the crack in his voice.

"No. She probably wouldn't have even let you in the driveway if I had."

What a cheery thought. "Okay. You're not getting your hopes up, are you? I told you last night that this probably wasn't going to work."

"I know," he nodded. "But at least we're trying."

"Robbie?" Mrs. James said from the hall. Her voice was getting louder as she returned from her bedroom. "Did I hear someone at the door?"

"Yeah, Mom," Robbie called. He held up his crossed fingers and waited at my side for his mother to enter the room.

As soon as she did so, the smile on her face vanished. I don't know what had happened to her to put her in the good mood Robbie had mentioned but whatever it was, my face had completely ripped it out of her head. She stopped in the doorway to the hall. "What are you doing here?"

"Mrs. James, I just wanted to talk to you for a few minutes."

"There's nothing to talk about," she interrupted. "I'd like you to leave. Robbie, come here."

"No. I want you to talk to Nate."

"Robbie, listen to your mother," I urged, giving him a nudge. He gave me a quick look before he reluctantly crossed the room to stand beside her.

"Do you expect a thank you?" she asked sarcastically.

"I don't expect much, to tell you the truth," I told her, trying to keep the scowl off of my face. Her distaste for me was coming off of her in almost visible waves. "But I'm here anyway. If you'll just give me a few minutes to talk to you--"

"There's nothing to talk about," she said again.

"Mom, please?" The look on Robbie's face broke my heart. He looked like a kid whose puppy had just died. I wondered just how many friends he had.

Apparently, his mother saw the same thing. Her lips had been pressed together since she saw me, but they relaxed now. She looked from Robbie to me and back again. "Okay, I'll listen to what you have to say. And then I want you out of here."

"That's fine," I agreed. We were already further than I'd actually allowed myself to hope we'd get. "Could we sit down?"

"Suit yourself." Mrs. James walked into the living room and took a seat on the couch, indicating to Robbie that he was to sit beside her. He gave me a cautious look and then sat down, his hands coming together on his lap. As I sat in the chair furthest from them, I noticed him start to wring his hands together. It wasn't a gesture that a thirteen-year-old kid should ever have to make.

"Mrs. James," I started, not sure what was going to follow. I had consciously avoided creating a mental script of the discussion. Partly because I had expected to be back in the car by now, and partly because you could get in trouble if you were relying on a script and things deviated from it, as they inevitably did. "Robbie called me last night, after he found out that I was living here again."

That surprised her. She turned her disapproving gaze from me and onto her son. "You know I don't want you talking with him."

He nodded, looking scared. He also looked like he hadn't expected me to tell on him like that. "I know you don't, but I miss him so much, and when I read that interview and they said that he was back, I had to talk to him."

She looked back at me. "You shouldn't have been talking to him. You know how I feel about it, and you're the adult here. You should have hung up on him."

"I know I probably should have," I conceded, surprising her. I took a millisecond to enjoy that, then continued. "But I couldn't do that. No more than you could refuse him a moment ago when he asked you to listen to me. I couldn't see the look on his face, but it was in his voice."

"Don't be mad at him," Robbie said suddenly. "I called him! If he had hung up, I would have called back until he agreed to talk to me."

"Robbie--"

"No! You took him away from me without listening to me before!"

"It was for your own good."

I felt my heart skip a beat when I heard that. It was the same reasoning that I had given Brian for leaving him. Exactly the same. I wondered if it had rung so falsely with him when I had used it, and decided that it probably had.

"How would you know?" he returned. "How would you know what's for my own good? You're never even home! You're always at work!"

"What do you want from me? If I'm not at work, you don't eat! Dammit, Robbie, sometimes I don't know what I'm going to do with you. I tried to get you another Big Brother to work with, but you wouldn't do it."

That surprised me, but I only had a second to focus on it before Robbie was speaking again. "I didn't want another one! I wanted Nate back!"

"That's just out of the question." Mrs. James was taking every opportunity to stare daggers at me. I'm sure she was wondering when I was going to step in and try to get Robbie to calm down. She was going to be waiting a while. From the expression on his face, he had a lot to get out of his system, and he knew exactly who needed to hear it. I'm not even sure that in that moment he remembered that I was in the room.

"Why? Why is it out of the question? Because you say so? Do you know how sick I am of hearing that, Mom? That's what you always say! You never ask me what I think, and when you do, you don't listen to my answer!"

"Robbie, calm yourself down," she said, giving him that look that only a mother can give an unruly child. "Now."

"No!" Robbie stood from the couch, his hands balling into fists and falling at his sides. "I want to know why you hate Nate so much! So what if he's gay? Who cares?"

"Robbie--"

"Who cares!" he yelled. "It doesn't matter!"

"It does matter."

"What would you do if I were gay?" he asked suddenly, throwing both his mother and I for a loop. "Would you hate me too? Would you kick me out of the house?"

"You're not gay."

"No, I'm not. But I could be. I'd never tell you if I was!"

"See what you've done to him?" she asked, looking at me. "He was never like this before you."

"I never had to be! And he didn't do anything to me! You did this. Not him, you. You took him away from me. You refused to talk about it. You won't even listen to me. Don't blame him!"

"Robbie go to your room. Now."

"NO!" by this time, he was basically shouting at her. In fact, he was starting to edge closer and closer to the mental line that I had drawn to show how much was too much of this kind of thing. I had just finished thinking that I might have to step in to try and calm him down when he took the decision out of my hands. "I HATE YOU!"

The shock on her face registered only a moment before the pain, and then my brain kicked into gear. That had been the last thing I had ever said to my father. "Robbie!" He stopped whatever he had been planning on shouting next and turned to look at me. Seeing the scowl on my face, the tension went out of him. "Don't you ever say that to your mother!"

"But--"

"But nothing, Rob. You know that was out of line. You might not agree with her, and you might be mad, but that's not right and you know it."

He searched my face for a minute, then dropped his eyes as he nodded. "Sorry, Mom," he muttered under his breath. I knew that he wasn't sorry for having said it, though. He was sorry for having upset me. His mother knew it too.

"Okay, Rob. You've said your piece. I know that there's more that you and your mom have to talk about, but do it later, after you've calmed down a bit. No one listens when you're yelling at them. Why don't you go to your room and let us talk for a few minutes?"

"No."

"Robbie--" his mother started, then fell silent as he shook his head.

"Rob? Go." He looked at me again, probably sending every mental protest that he didn't dare speak, but I just nodded slightly. "Go on."

He took a deep breath, let it out, and started walking. He didn't look at either one of us on his way. When he got to the doorway to the hall, he stopped without turning. "You won't leave without saying goodbye, will you?"

"No," I assured him. "I'll say goodbye."

Robbie nodded and continued his way to his room. He looked like the weight of the world had dropped back onto his shoulders, and I had to wonder again at just what other problems he was dealing with. As soon as we heard his bedroom door close, Mrs. James spoke again.

"See what you caused?"

I sighed and met her eyes. "I didn't cause anything. He called me last night and asked me if we could see each other again." She looked immediately suspicious. "I told him that it wasn't a good idea because of the way you felt about it. That made him think that I just didn't want to see him. I couldn't let him think that."

"So you turned him against his mother instead?"

"None of that was from me, lady. All that I did was promise to come and talk to you and see if we couldn't work something out. I swear to you that we didn't talk about anything else. I promised to come tonight, and then we got off the phone. He called again to let me know that you were home from work a little while ago, and I came over. His outburst was as much a surprise to you as it was to me."

"Do you expect me to believe that?"

"No, I guess I don't, but it's the truth. I don't know what's been going on with him since you stopped me from seeing him, but it seems like there's a lot more than just missing me."

"My son's problems aren't any of your business."

"They're not my business, I suppose, but they're definitely a concern of mine. I love your son, Mrs. James." I saw the shocked look on her face, and realised how she must have interpreted that. "Not in the way you're thinking, I assure you. I love him like he was my own son, or like he really was my little brother. He's a good kid."

"I know he is. I raised him."

"Not alone, you didn't," I returned.

"Leave my husband out of this," she immediately said. "He was a very good man, and he wouldn't have been any happier about Robbie's behaviour than I am. I try to get him to be more like his father, but he's just too hard to handle."

"'The worst misfortune that can happen to an ordinary man is having an extraordinary father.'"

"What was that?"

"Something that my mother taught me. Mrs. James, I have no doubt that your husband was an excellent man. And I have no doubt that Robbie will grow into one. But it sounds like he's trying to live up to his father's image, and no son can do that. If there's anything that I've learned, it's that."

"Don't try to analyse our situation," she said, frowning. "I'm doing the best I can with what I have."

"I wasn't trying to imply that you weren't." In fact, I thought it was more likely that Robbie was the one holding himself up to the impossible image of his father. He was looking for some sort of male role model that his mother would accept. I had always suspected that that was the reason behind his strong connection with me when we had been working together.

"I tried to get him another Big Brother, you know," she continued. There were tears in her eyes, but they weren't falling. She was, so far, still more angry than upset. It was like she had forgotten that I was in the room. That must have been the case, because she was giving out a lot more information than I would have expected from her. "He absolutely refused to do anything with anyone that the agency sent over.

"I know that I work long hours, but I have to if we're going to pay the bills. Now he comes home with notes from the Principal for fighting in school, and he comes to me with homework that might as well be Greek for all the help I can give him. I thought about getting him a tutor, but I can't afford that. Do you have any idea how hard it is to raise a son by yourself?" When she asked that, she looked up. I noted her eyes getting bigger as she realised who it was that she had just poured her heart out to.

"No, Mrs. James, I don't. I'm sorry that you're in the situation that you're in."

"I didn't ask for your pity, Nate."

"I didn't offer it. I said that I was sorry that you're in this situation. That's not the same thing."

She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "I don't know why I'm sitting here talking about this with you. You said what you came here to say. Now please, just go."

"Is there nothing that I can say to get you to change your mind about this? I told you before that I love Robbie. And when he called, he sounded so lonely."

"I think I've made my feelings on the matter pretty clear, Nate. I don't want you alone with my son."

"What if we weren't alone?" That got her attention, but she still shook her head. "Please, hear me out," I continued. "You mentioned that Robbie was having trouble at school, both socially and academically, right? What if I have a talk with him and try to get him to settle down and concentrate on the books?"

"I can handle any problems that he's got at school, thank you."

I decided to be bold. "Excuse me for saying it, but it doesn't seem like you can. You said he's been getting in fights, and that his grades are slipping. I know that you can't afford a tutor, but I'd be more than willing to come over some nights and help him out with his homework. Completely supervised, of course. You can set the time and place to match your schedule. As long as I'm in town, I'll work around you.

"Please just give me a chance to show you that I don't pose a threat to him. You can be sitting right there keeping an eye on us the whole time. I just want to be able to see him, and I think it's pretty clear that he wants the same thing. If nothing else, his grades should improve, and probably his disposition as well."

She didn't look happy, but she didn't immediately refuse.

"Please? I would never do anything to hurt Robbie. I think somewhere in your mind you know that. And as for my being gay, that has nothing to do with this. It never did. Robbie didn't find out about it until you did; we never talked about it."

I could see her debating in her head. I felt a little bad about my taking advantage of her tight financial situation but I thought that, under the circumstances, I could forgive myself. If it meant that I got to see Robbie again, I was willing to play a little dirty.

Finally, she looked back up at me. The anger was mostly gone from her eyes, but there was definitely still some trepidation there. "Let me think about it," she said finally. Seeing my smile, she put her hand up to stop me from speaking. "I'm not agreeing to anything. I'm going to think about it, and I'll have to talk about it with Robbie. Keep in mind, Nate, that if I agree to this I'll be keeping an eye on you. If I see anything - anything - that I don't like, I'll put a stop to things, and you'll never see my son again."

I smiled anyway. It wasn't a win, but it was definitely a lot closer to one than I had thought I would get. "Thank you for agreeing to think about it, Mrs. James. I understand that you're very protective of him, and you're right to be. But you'll see that I'm not a danger to him. I know what it's like to grow up an only child, especially an only child who doesn't get to see his parents much. I just want to help."

"Like I said, I'll think about it. Now, I'd like to have some time alone with Robbie, if you don't mind."

"Not at all. Do you mind if I go and say goodbye?"

"I'll go and get him," she said, getting up and heading for his room. She wasn't kidding about watching me every minute.

They both emerged a few seconds later. From the redness around Robbie's eyes, it was clear that he had been crying. "Are you leaving?" he asked, looking at me. I had moved back to the door again.

"Yeah, Rob, I am," I told him.

"Are you going to be coming back?"

I glanced briefly to his mother, then looked him in the eye. "I don't know yet. Your mom's going to talk to you about something, okay? I want you to listen to her and don't argue. It's her decision to make, and we're both going to have to go along with it." I knew that I was putting her in a bad position, but I wasn't about to start lying to him.

Robbie looked at his mother, but she didn't say anything. He finally looked back to me, then ran across the room and threw his arms around me. For a second, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what Robbie's mom would read into it if I hugged him back, but from the strength in his arms, I knew that he needed one. That finally decided me. I knew what it was like to need a hug, and I wasn't about to refuse him one. I put my arms around him too and squeezed him until he grunted, then started to laugh. He withdrew his arms and stood back a couple of steps, smiling at me.

"Okay, then," I said, looking at them both. "I'm going to go and let you two talk. Robbie? You remember what I said."

He nodded.

"Good." I raised my eyes to take in Mrs. James. "I do hope that I hear from you."

"You will, but I make no promises. Goodnight, Nate."

"Goodnight," I returned, opening the door and stepping outside again. I closed the door behind me and made it back into the car, then sat for a second and let my head rest on the steering wheel. Finally, I started the car and pulled back out into the street, heading back home where I knew that Andy was waiting to find out how it had gone.

To Be Continued...

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