Ok this is my first time at a story like this, I have read many from the archive and loved them. This is about ME, MY life, and MY fantasies with Brian Littrell and the BackStreet Boys. I am in no way implying anything about the sexuality of the BackStreet boys, and if your not 18 GIT! Enjoy and please send mail to Xaxian@aol.com with good or bad comments on the story. Just remember its my first time, and any resemblance to other stories I am sorry it's coincidental and quite on accident.
Brian's Seven Sea's of Loneliness Part 1
author: jon
Well alone again I sit in my room. My cd player workin on overtime with my BackStreet Boys CD's. I just sit here listening to my music, writting in my journal, and dreaming of him. My dream guy is Brian Littrell. His romantic thoughts, his mellow voice, his great looks. Nothing more I can do than dream tho as it is just that...or is it?
Since I have a basic car, nothing fancy I listen to the radio as I go from here to there. Not that I stay at one station too long but "I Want it That Way" starts playing on the radio. KISS 108 to be exact (a pop station in the area). They announce that they are having a contest and the winner is going to meet the BackStreet Boys at their concert. Now I have the kind of luck where I can be the only entry and STILL find a way to lose. This contest was a creativity one tho. The best new song won. Now I have written many songs in my journal, but one always stuck out. The words came to me while driving so I took them down when I got home.
Well I guess you'd like to know who I am, and what I look like huh? Well my name I Jonathon, yes that's ON not AN. I'm 6'5 and still growing, 16.5 shoe, and 18. Also I'm gay. I guess I knew for a long time but came to terms with it but a year ago. I have simple taste, and I enjoy the smaller things in life. A picnic or a drive in or small things. My computer is always a source of enjoyment, my writing, and my craft. Yes I am a Wiccan. My religion has got me thru many a tuff situations, as has my music. Also I am kind of a loner, I have few friends. That's because the friends I have I trust with my life, I know what a true friend is and that's what I am and expect. I have lots of acquaintances but I usually just leave them be as they are looking for a way up in life, no matter who they step on.
So like I said, the contest. I decided to enter a song I call "7 Sea's of Loneliness." As I typed it out to make a good looking copy, I looked it over very pleased with it. So I sent it in on the off chance I might actually win...yeah right. Wishful thinking, but if nothing else I tried. I prayed to my gods and goddesses every night to win, I knew nothing would happen, but the chance to meet Bryan and at least let the group know how they have helped me, and in more ways than one saved my life is a dream come true and then some. I figured nothing ventured nothing gained. So I took my chances. Life went on as normal. I got accepted to college again (long story for another episode.if you want it continued J ))! Work was as dead as ever, I mean how exciting can a tele-marketers life be right?
Well a couple weeks went by, and I had the radio on...but I was hearing what sounded like my lyric's. Now grant you I tuned in 10 minutes late, so I figured maybe it was notable entries. The DJ did hid best to belt out the tunes, tho it wasn't meant to be for a single person with his scratchy voice to do.... "The 7 sea's of loneliness, where the heart beats alone yes the 7 sea's of loneliness, where the soul stands alone its the 7 sea's of loneliness, forever their home to me"
DJ announcer matty " And that's our contest winner, with his song "Seven Sea's of Loneliness" lets give him a call shall we and see if he heard us" now I'm thinking...someone else used the song to. Cause there was now way, so I turn the radio off and start walking to my room in Mid-thought of how nice it would have been to win..but oh well. Half way there "what the hell..well lets see whose bothering me this time" I say as I go to the phone and grab it on the third ring. "hello" I say. The voice on the other end says "Hello this is matty from the matty in the morning show, and I'm looking for Jonathon Burke" surprised to all hell he wanted me I answer "this is he..how can I help you?" he begins he little announcement thing "Well is it you who entered the song "The Seven Sea's of Loneliness" for our meet the BackStreet Boys contest?" a bit dumbstruck, I answer into the phone "yes I did, why?" "well Jonathon YOUR THE WINNER, your going to meet the guy's in concert, go back stage and spend time with them, and wait...just in from the producers there is more" "More?" I say. "but of course this is KISS you think we'd end there..OHHHH NOOO. You'll be spending a week with the guys while there here in Boston, eating at the restaurants, staying in the same hotel, and being at their concert. PLUS you'll be getting 2 THOUSAND dollars spending money while your there. All you gotta do is tell them who plays today's hottest music." Of course by now I am screaming into the phone like a 10 year old. As it just hit me what I got and I scream into the phone "OH MY GOD, KISS 108 PLAYS THE HOTTEST MUSIC, OH MY GOD, I LOVE YOU GUYS, I CAN'T BELIEVE I WON." Then the music cuts in and he says to hold on so they can get my info. 10 minutes later he gets on the phone. "You calmed down a bit?" "of coarse, yes" I say still dumb struck by my fortune. "Well there are a few catch's first off lot's of photo's this is so we can kick of their album "millennium" with a bang. Press conference's and such. Are you 18?" "yes I am, gonna be 19 next month" "good good" he says "Then I guess your off, be ready to go tomorrow and the limo will be there at 10 AM promptly."
Soon as I give him the info, I run up to my room. "no way this is happening to me, OH MY GOD!!!!...i get to meet them, spend a week with them, and go BACK...STAAAAAGE!" After a half hour I finally calm down as my phone starts ringing off the hook. Now knowing I have 3 friends or so I know its just people who want to use me, as my suspicions are proven right by the machine messages. So ignoring the phone I start to pack for what looks like the best week of my entire life. Now unbeknownst to me, not only was the contest to write the song, its gonna be on their next album, I will be directing it, AS WELL as be given full credit. Now what to bring I think to myself as I grab my backpack, grabbing the important things first..BSB, NSYNC, Britney Spears, and a few other CD's. My walk-man, and then the suitcase I fill with clothes. Now fashion is one thing I was never good at so I threw a bunch of jeans, Tee-shirts, and a few dress shirts hoping I looked all right.
That night I went to bed early, knowing I'd go nuts if I stayed up. Not that my sleep was restful, I was too excited, and too many nights I didn't sleep well, and this was no ordinary night. So around 8:00 AM I started to wake up. I hopped into the shower and got my best clothes on I could find and got ready for the limo. Once I got into the kitchen to eat a bowl of cereal, which I was to nervous to really eat anyhow, it was 9:00. I couldn't calm down and I was starting to annoy myself so, I started playing videogames to relax, and before I knew it, 10:00 rolled around. Just as promised PROMPTLY at 10:00 the limo was there, not 1 minute early or late. "Well that's service for you" I said as I walked out. The driver grabbed my bags and off we were.
Now soon as I got to the limo, I started getting ready to meet them, I was relaxed, calm, level-headed...until out of the limo stepped Kevin, then Nick, A.J, Howie, then Brian. My jaw must have hit the floor, and I must have obviously been shocked...and staring. Cause after a few minutes Kevin cleared his throat. "oh..oh I'm sorry I zoned out there for a minute I guess" a small chuckle escapes my lips as I look to the ground knowing I was staring at Brian. "HI, I'm Kevin" as he extends a hand and shakes with me, and down the line I go till I get to Brian. "Hi names Brian..and you are?" he says as nonchalantly as anyone possibly could. Now I tried to say my name, I opened my mouth, but nothing was coming out. What a time for my brain to die, and I finally manage to get out "Jon". Now maybe it was me but I could swear the whole time he was sizing me up...but he couldn't have been, he was strait ...right? Thru the tint of his glasses I could also see A.J. looking me up. Now I KNOW he was, he was quite obvious about it, and the reflection from the limo showed it.
PART 2
"Well lets get going, we only have a week" Brian says looking at me. "yup, a week for me to tell you guys just how much you've done for me. A week for my dreams to come true, a week to repay all you've given me" I say to all the guys, as Howie and the rest get questioning looks on their faces. "Umm...how bout we just get a pizza and jam?" Howie says. "works for me, there's plenty of places on the way." Seating went Brian, me, Nick, Kevin across from Brian, A.J. across from me, and Howie on the end. Brian turns to me from Kevin and starts a light conversation. Then decides to be the one to ask the question. Now by this point I was over being star-struck as they were normal people like the rest of the world. "Hey Jon, "Seven Sea's of Loneliness" is a great song and all, but what was your inspiration? Did you write it for someone, because of someone.." I quickly cut him off "wait you heard the song already?" my face astonished as all of them pull a sheet with the words on it out. "Yup we just wanted to get a feel for the mood of the song, I know its slow, and a bit ballad like, but we wanted a feel for it." "Well" I say "without going too deep into my life cause I doubt you want the sob story, here goes. It's basically about me, my life, and how I feel about loneliness. The one stanza where he almost finds love was when I thought I too had found it, it was quick, and we became good friends, but nothing more." By now the guys all had a tear in their eyes as they heard me talk. "Come on guys, I have plenty to be happy about, I am with my favorite band, and I wrote a good song, and if you knew half my life you'd know that's not too bad..." I trail off realizing what I was saying and the guys got looks on their faces as if to say no way. The rest of the way home I was kinda quiet cause I knew I almost crossed the line going on about my life, finally I got the guts to talk. "So what were your lives like before you joined the group, I mean anything you really miss?" Me trying to make small talk didn't do to good, as I got a 1 word answer from all. "Family" in unison they all said. I had a questioning look on my face as they all cracked up. "Well you see before the group, we were ALWAYS around family, now we miss them and ARE a family. So in short Family is before, during, and after of the group" Kevin explains. "I see, wish I was like that." This comment got a few bewildered looks, but my face kinda made the notion you don't want to know get thru.
"Well here we are home sweet home for the week" I say as we munched down the last of the pizza. This got a series of groans from the guys. "Well look at it this way, I could have been a 10 year old girl hanging all over you guys right? Besides, I aint all that bad. Just wait and see..and nick your in for it at Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, or any OTHER fighting games, you have a worthy opponent now." An evil grin crosses my face as I look at him and his face light up. "Cool this may not be so bad guys" nick says. We all find our rooms and its off to settle in before dinner. Now I just happen to be next to Brian's room, and the walls weren't to thick. I could hear the guys talking in Brian's room but I was too out of it to try to make out what was being said. I got all settled in, and they spared no expense. Had the hot tub, shower, Grande Bed, HUGE TV, if I got all this makes me wonder what their rooms were like.
Soon as I got my clothes away and started getting comfortable I heard a knock at the door. A bit surprised cause it was no where near Dinner time and we had lunch no more than an hour ago, I answered the door slowly. Who else would be standing there but Brian, and I could see A.J not to far down the hall with a scowl on his face, probably coming down too. "Well Jon I just thought since we got a week together we should start getting to know one and other" as he said this a smile was coming over my face. Who'd have thought he wanted to get to know me. Maybe this week would be better than I thought. Then I saw the most gorgeous smile cross his face, along with his sparkling blue eyes. I could have melted, and my smile turned into a goofy grin which got a chuckle from him. "So do I just stand out here, or do I get to come in?" Brian said, and I about died of embarrassment, I must have turned 10 shades of red as he just laughed. I opened the door further and let him in. "Boy they spared no expense with you too. Our rooms are usually nice don't get me wrong, but never THIS nice" all I could do was nod. "So why don't you tell me a little about yourself, and I tell you about myself." We ended up chatting for what seemed like an hour, but must have been more, cause I heard a loud knocking at the door. "Jon it's Kevin you ready for dinner?" Not planning on looking to special I answered "Of course, when we leaving?" "Soon as we find Brian I guess" was his answer. I looked at Brian and started laughing hysterically. "Hey what's so funny in there Jon?" "Well Kevin I got good news for you. Call the search party off, he's in here with me." "He's WHAT!?!" Kevin screamed, I got shocked, now the guys knew A.J and Brian were gay and Nick had Bi-Sexual tendencies, but I didn't. "Kevin relax were just getting to know each other" Brian belts out. "That's what I'm afraid of.." Kevin trails off after hearing the tones in Brian's voice. Now I sit and ponder what that meant and Brian must have picked up on that cause he started looking at me funny. "You ready to go Jon, I'm famished" Brian says as he stands. "Sure thing" I say as we head out, me grabbing my wallet and keys. "Hey Kevin, what did you mean by "that's what your afraid of?" I asked in a questioning and shy tone. "Oh, I didn't mean anything by it.
Well I wish I could say dinner went well, but it didn't. The tension was so thick it could be cut with I knife. I was obviously quite uncomfortable around Kevin, and A.J made little attempts to try and hide what he wanted. Brian just glared at Kevin with evil looks, and finally I couldn't take anymore. "You'll have to excuse me please. I know it's supposed to be dinner together and stuff, but obviously you and Brian need to talk Kevin, and I guess I am the preverbal third wheel here. I'll be around if you need me, and you guys have my beeper if it's a Dire emergency, or if it's something I MUST be here for. You can call my room later if you'd like to hang out, but the tension is too much and I can't take it. When I get back I will leave a message with the main desk." With that I stood up, left, grabbed my backpack and put my walk-man on. I thought I saw Brian get up to chase me but Kevin put a hand on his shoulder to sit.
************************************************************************ At The Restaurant ************************************************************************
Brian seeing me leave tried to get up, and A.J. just smiled. Kevin stood up with Brian to keep him down as if to say stay. Howie kinda punches A.J in the shoulders to wipe the grin of his face knowing why A.J. is smiling, and Nick sits there quite dumbfounded. "OK guys, you OBVIOUSLY know something here that I don't" nick says looking at Brian and Kevin. "Care to let me in on it?" Brian looks at Kevin. "Kevin I just wanna know What the HELL do you think you were doing earlier. NOT ONLY may my secret be out because of you. He's probably thinking HE did something wrong because of how you said it. Besides he's a good kid with a hard life, and you totally shot an arrow thru what little self esteem he did have. I hope your proud of yourself!" Brian says to Kevin quite steamed at what happened earlier, as Nick's face turned to one of disgust. Howie looked concerned and A.J. had this smug grim on his face. "And what the hell are you so happy about anyway A.J. ?" Brian finally stammers out. "Nothing much Brian, nothing much" was all A.J said in response. Kevin now looking at Brian, also in a flight of anger "What was I supposed to think when he said you were in there with him! Come on Brian it wouldn't be the first time you slept with a guy on this tour, I remember just the other month ago you must have had 20 tricks!" Kevin quite pleased with how that came out and Brian obviously quite pissed. "WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE HERE AND NOW!?! I like him yes, but did I sleep with him, no. Hell I don't even know if he's gay, but I am sure I will find out. We have this bond, we hit it off real good, and when I talked to him all day today, I felt like I was a normal person. Not just Brian Littrell of the BackStreet Boys. He treated me like the human being most people don't. We talked about lots of things and if he is gay, I see real potential there. And you know what, it scare's me that my own cousin could make someone I care this much about feel like a pile of shit!" Brian gets up and also makes a hasty exit from the restaurant. The other guys just look at him at a loss for words as he has never said that about any of the guys he met. Not knowing what else to do Kevin also storms off and the rest of the guys finish dinner in complete silence.
************************************************************************ Somewhere in Boston on the streets ************************************************************************
I told the receptionist I'd be gone for an unknown amount of time, and then I took off with my backpack, and put my walk-man on and just started walking. I had a few tears in my eyes, knowing I had cause a problem for the guys, and how Kevin reacted earlier. In a soft whisper "What did I do wrong great god and goddess? Was it something I said?" the tears flowed freely from my eyes as I sat down on the park bench and just listened to my music, which was a tape, and of the BackStreet Boys which did absolutely NOTHING to help my feelings. So eventually I decided after walking 2 hours and getting quite lost, crying in a major city, and probably upsetting the people that have helped me most that I should head back to the hotel and try and sleep and forget most of today. Then a smile crossed my face, me and Brian spent like 5 hours just talking. He listened so intently to all I said, and we had a great time. Life was so confusing at this point and after about an hour of walking and thinking I found myself at the hotel again. So I went to the receptionist. "OK I'm back have there been any messages for me?" The nice lady probably in her mid 20's looked at me and smiled. "Nope, but we will inform you if..are you OK sir, you look like you've been crying." I just nodded to her, she seemed nice and sincere "I'll be OK in a little bit I just need a few minutes to pull myself together thanks" and I slowly walked off for the elevator. I hit the button for the 12th floor and slowly began my ascent to the floor. Soon as I heard the ding and the doors open I saw Brian standing there for the elevator so I just looked down so he wouldn't see my face.... or so I hoped. "What's the matter Jon are you OK?" He said it so sincerely that another tear rolled off my face. "I'll...I'll be just fine." That was all I could stammer out. Brian made a note to talk to Kevin to let him know just how bad it was. I just walked to my room and laid in bed, I would have been crying but there were just no more tears to be shed.
I guess after helping me to my room, I must have bummed out Brian cause he went back to his room and I heard him talking. I heard him talking to Kevin. "Kevin you know what I just saw?" Slight pause. "Well I wish you saw it too, cause then you'd see how badly you screwed up." Another pause. "What do I mean you screwed up? Well just so you know, I just saw Jon on the elevator on my way out. His eyes were beat red, as well as tears streaked down his face. He couldn't even look me in the eyes. I hope that makes you happy, and if he never talks to me again I will never forgive YOU. You knew I liked him from the start. He's a nice guy and you totally freaked.." After hearing he liked me, and it sunk in I gasped, and it must have been a loud gasp cause I heard Brian scream "OH MY GOD, Kevin he heard us. I Got to go." Just then I heard loud knocking at my door and Kevin's voice "We have to talk Jon, Please let me in" and all I could do is sit on my bed, too many emotions running thru my head. As Kevin was banging at my door my phone kept ringing, and in the hallway the other guys were wondering what was going on...
TBC..you knew it was coming, and here it is, email xaxian@aol.com with good, bad, or ugly comments, I love email so lemme know whatcha think. Remember its a first time and I need criticism good or bad. Aso if you want me to write on, lemme know.