OK this is my first time at a story like this, I have read many from the archive and loved them. This is about ME, MY life, and MY fantasies with Brian Littrell and the BackStreet Boys. I am in no way implying anything about the sexuality of the BackStreet boys, and if your not 18 GIT! Enjoy and please send mail to Zelgadyss@AOL.com, Or if for some reason it doesn't work...use Zelgadyss@hotmail.com, with good or bad comments on the story. Just remember its my first time, and any resemblance to other stories I am sorry it's coincidental and quite on accident. Also a few side notes. Please do not reproduce this, or place it, post it, or otherwise reproduce it without EXPRESS written consent of the author. All songs are original, copywritten and abide by any and all laws thereof. If permission is granted to reproduce (And I'm not really gonna say no if it's legit, but ask first) it must be reproduced whole. Other than that, those are the legalities, and on with the show (sorry I HAD to)
Part 18, and things have changed. In the middle of the island paradise, and what should have been the happiest place to be, a storm lashed out, consuming love. It wasn't of rain, sleet or snow, ....but of distrust, and of human insecurities. Then the storm of weather hit, and took away all the pain....So everyone said I left some loose ends, so I guess this is as good a place as any to tie them up. I am SOOOO glad I wrote this story, it has affected me in such a positive way, as have all my readers. I think my writing has improved, mainly in my songs. So with that....on with the story.
Brian's 7 Sea's of Loneliness part 18 by Jon
His words were but a faint whisper, but Nick had heard them still. He heard Brian state his intentions to die, but all he could do is sit there and look out into space. His thoughts but a blur, and his mind was in shambles. One man died, and now he held another who seemed to be next. A man who was with him as he was growing, a man who shared his laughter, shared his tears. Shared the moments of life that few people could claim to see. This was the man who was with him through thick and thin. The inseparable Duo, Frick and Frack. This was one of few people he had learned to lean on as he grew up from a skinny young boy, into a strapping young man. He had grown up, mentally and physically. And now he saw his truest friend die in his arms inside. Losing the will to live and fight, and losing the one he loved. He was saved physically, but a part of all of them had died out in that storm. As Jon died, so did a little part of all their innocence. The part of them that thought because who they were they were invincible had just died inside. A friend, one whom wanted nothing more from them than what he gave...true unconditional friendship and love. He wasn't there for the name, he wasn't there for the fame. He desired none of those things. He wasn't there for the money or for the comfort. He was there because he had seen 5 normal people with high profile jobs who were in need of a friend. And he gave that friendship without question, tho it went unseen till it was lost.
So many things the guys had taken for granted in life...but were just finding out that even life itself wasn't a granted. The biggest life lesson of all was learned in those precious moments...the hardest part of life was to let go, and learning to move on. Also they too learned what Jon had learned all those years ago about life. It was looking for that one love, where each kiss seems to last an eternity, and mere seconds all at once. As if the whole world revolved around them, and stopped for them. That one strike of lightning, that changes you forever, And can be gone as fast as it came. It wasn't the first time Jon had risked his well being for them..but this time he gave all he had, and there was nothing more they could do to fix things. For once in their lives they couldn't say something, do something to make it all better. This was one of the things they feared most. Not knowing what to do and losing control over everything. They sat in a place he had fixed up, and started a fire in to keep warm, yet they felt so cold. Their hearts were left to remember what had happened for the rest of their lives.
All they had left were their few memories of a short time with a good friend, keeping the pictures in their hearts...but Brian lost that and much much more. He had lost the person who spoke to his soul, the one that could touch him with a smile, and bring him to tears with the same look. He could melt his cold heart just thinking of the loving warm arms, and safe arms. The arms that embraced him at night..his protector from even the world. He had lost the person who had lifted him in such a short time to the greatest heights a human could reach. And now that he had lost it, he was looking for the way to get it back. And the only way to do that was to join that person in the eternal slumber.
Nick looked down at Brian. "No..you can't. You have to much more to do in life, I can't lose you too Brian....no! Your not going anywhere..we will get through this together, I promise. He saved your life, not so you could throw it away!" The tears streaming down Nick's cheeks and his eyes were red with the tears he was crying. His eyes were puffy and his face was just hurt. The other guys heard him and started looking at Nick. Kevin finally spoke up when he saw Nick couldn't speak. "Nick were all OK, were not going anywhere." Nick shook his head, nearing the point where he couldn't take anymore. "No, Brian said he'll be with Jon soon..I won't let him go!" And Nick started hugging onto Brian tighter as if to show him he wasn't letting go. Brian's mind couldn't handle all the eyes looking at him, and all the things that just happened. So he closed his eyes...and went to sleep.
**********Out Side
I soon awoke..feeling the sun on my face. It was the exact opposite of what I had left. It was a perfect day, birds were flying, and all sorts of animals were out. I felt like I did at the cove, peaceful, and content. I figured I had died, after leaving my body, my soul must have transgressed here to go onto my next life. So I just enjoyed my surroundings, although part of me was aching to go back..to be there with the guys, and to make sure they made it through, I knew that if the god and goddess had taken me, that it was just my time to go, and that the world was better off somehow without me, or at least would cope without me. The lives I had touched would soon forget me, and I would be but a distant memory drudged up at different times and at different places. My heart touched enough people that I would be remembered in different ways, but remembered all the more. I had accomplished life's ultimate goal, even if it was for just a short while. I had found that one love that made me feel like his eyes saw nothing more than me and my heart, the one heart that beat like mine. I was given the chance to show my feelings to the world, and I knew that part of me would be immortalized forever.
I also felt the throbbing on my back...which I half expected to be there from the tree, and my head felt a bit dizzy, but it was a mild discomfort. I really felt no pain. I could feel fire around me..but it wasn't hot either. It was soothing me. Much like the fire that surrounds the phoenix, in bright brilliant colors or reds and yellows. Vibrant blues that just called out to the air to be seen. The rainbow knew of these colors but never before had they come together to form a symphony of color. Each blended into the next as if flowing to the ocean of infinity, carrying me in their beauty. As if my heart had taken shape and form, as if my desires had come to life in the form of fire, Lifting me and protecting me from all the pains of the world. Yet it showed me off at the same time, begging the world to take notice of me, commanding that the world see me, and see all that I was. Its bold yet caring definition, its soft but strong flames. It was me. In my truest...purest state. It was my soul, and the reflection it had. The beauty, the strength, the love, and the hardships. The gentle hand, yet the rough skin.
I was flying with the birds, the air going through the flames and grazing my face like a soft caress wiping away a tear. The birds had accepted me as one of them, and flew with me, looking down at the majestic waters below. Seeing the fish swimming in crystal clear water, deeper than the eye could see. Each twist and turn I made, the wind could be felt under me, turning with me. I felt the freedom the air held. I felt the rush of adrenaline flow throughout my body, causing a slight shiver to run through my spine. As I traveled with the birds, we seemed to be flying aimlessly away, perhaps this was the transition to my new life, my new place to exist. But I saw wonders I could have never imagined before. I saw the birds in the sky and the fish in the water..but as we flew, we entered the most beautiful forest. The tree's canopy blocked out most light, except for the stray strands of light that could pierce through the leaves. I saw flowers that were equally as beautiful as I was in my flames. Only the were burdened by the loss of light. They had to fight to keep alive, much like I did. They fought for every ounce of their existence. Then I saw what was the most beautiful.
I saw large cats, running through the tree tops, jumping and leaping. Fast as the light they were running towards. The puma's lightning speed enraptured me, as the call of the birds enraptured my ears. I absorbed all of the sights and sounds of this place, as we soon were exiting..too soon. Much like life I suppose, the greatest beauty ended so quickly. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would see sights this beautiful, but then again I had seen sights that were this beautiful at the same time. A smile crossed my face, as I remembered the first time I saw Brian come out of the limousine. I was shaking, but I kept my composure. Inside I was falling apart, but on the outside I was calm, cool, and collected. Then when I found out he liked me. The tears in his eyes, both of joy and of sadness. The way I had found out, the total randomness of it all. Yet the fire in his eyes was always so bright. His determination never said die. Then when they dragged me up on stage, I thought was going to die at that moment..but he was there with me through it.
In the same crystal clear water, just moments before I saw fish in, I now saw his face smiling up at me. His crystal eyes staring at me, as if beacons of love. And he stared deep into my soul. He was just looking at me. A few tears had fallen from his angelic face, and a sadness crept into it. His eyes lost the sparkle, the flame that had made them so special. It was almost as if he had died on the inside..and lived on the outside. My heart was torn. Part of me knew I was still in love with him, but part said he no longer needed me in his life. I had served the purpose I entered his life for, and now it was just time for me to move on. As I started flying forward, I saw a grand white light in the water. It sparkled like no light I had ever seen, and I saw a few people holding white candles. They were sending me off into my next life. And I heard Brian's prayer, as he flames softly faded away from my body, and I started coming to a halt. I couldn't let him die because of me.
**************In The Caves
The guys all started staring at one and other, And Gracie...not knowing what to do about Brian. So they let him sleep, hoping he would have a few moments of peace in it. Nick was stroking Brian's hair softly murmuring he couldn't leave him. And Kevin was reduced to tears seeing his love and his cousin like this. The wind had stopped blowing and all that was left of the storm from what they could hear was a small whistling. So Kevin and the guys got Brian up, knowing they couldn't stay in the cave forever, and they walked out. The first thing they saw was the horror of the storm. Tree's were knocked down all over, and small fires were here and there. Brian started frantically searching for where my body would be...hoping by some miracle I had survived the brutal storm. But when he got there, all he saw were the knocked down tree's. Not the tree that held me. He finally found that one blown meters away. As he fell to his knees, crying, as I would be lost forever to this island that had now consumed my life, and my body. No proper burial, not even that decency was left for Brian to say good-bye with. He just cried, because in his mind, that's all he could think to do. Hug my backpack close to him and cry, trying to once more pretend it was me. "But..but....he's...gone....gone from....me.....no....more....please...pain.....no....more. ...pain." Brian's words were irrational, and not all together understandable. He was collapsing and the guys and Gracie were powerless to stop it.
A soft shallow voice had pierced the hallowed silence, as all eyes were to the ground. As soon as the voice was heard, everyone looked up to a tattered and torn man.
***************Eden's Garden
No more could I stand him being unhappy, damnation or not, I was going back by his side. Be it the will of the great goddess or not, I had to be with Brian..so I dove down...and kept kicking through the waters, going as deep as I could. My lungs were crying for air, and burning from holding it so long, but I kept kicking down, trying desperately to reach Brian. Finally I felt like I was falling, down a deep dark crevasse. And I felt my body. Pain was rushing, and the coldness was all over. I felt like I had been in a freezer, but still I fought my way up to my feet, and I weakly spoke. "Brian...I'm coming." As I finally got to my feet, I started stumbling to the way I thought was camp. My body had been tossed around in the storm, and I could have been lifted to a different island for all I knew, but I still had to try to get to him. I heard his voice crying out to his god. And I heard him crying over the loss of me. I heard his tears..and saw his form. I felt like I was going to die all over again just seeing him like that. But I had to be strong. I close my eyes, and gathered all the strength I had within me, calling forth the energy of my friends to help guide me. As I walked, ever so slowly towards him, one of my songs came to my mind, so I touched his shoulder and started to sing for all I was worth.
Chorus
The gods sent me an angel, On wings so bold. The gods sent me an angel, with a heart of gold. The gods sent me an angel, With a ring of gold.
The guys all looked up, as they heard my voice. I grabbed onto Brian, falling to the sandy ground, and I held onto him, as he was my inspiration for so many things, and ultimately the reason I came back to this world. He was the beacon that called my name, even if we were just friends, I couldn't stand to see him like he was, in tears and in need of me.
Verse 1
Yeah they sent me my angel. With eyes of blue. They sent me his hand, And his heart so true. His eyes are so deep, Angelic too.
The words I was singing, each hit a small cord within me, and I could feel Brian crying, although I will never know if it was the song, or my return that sparked the tears, I knew they were tears of joy all the same.
Chorus
The gods sent me an angel, On wings so bold. The gods sent me an angel, with a heart of gold. The gods sent me an angel, With a ring of gold.
Verse 2
He is my angel, With his warm arms. He loves holding me tight, safe in his embrace. His chest is so strong, It could never hurt me, cause.
Chorus
The gods sent me an angel, On wings so bold. The gods sent me an angel, with a heart of gold. The gods sent me an angel, With a ring of gold.
Verse 3
They sent me my angel, >From skies so blue. He is my angel, Eyes so true. His heart is an ocean, Sending me waves of love
Chorus
The gods sent me an angel, On wings so bold. The gods sent me an angel, with a heart of gold. The gods sent me an angel, With a ring of gold.
Verse 4
My angel is here, Soft to my touch. And he won't disappear, He loves me too much. His heart's a deep ocean, Swallowing me up.
Chorus
The gods sent me an angel, On wings so bold. The gods sent me an angel, with a heart of gold. The gods sent me an angel, With a ring of gold.
Verse 5
He is my angel, With words of gold. His wings are hidden. Wings so bold. But he is my angel, Forever I'm sold.
Chorus
The gods sent me an angel, On wings so bold. The gods sent me an angel, with a heart of gold. The gods sent me an angel, With a ring of gold.
Verse 6
His lips are like roses, Velvety soft. Silk and Fine poets, Capture him not. The biggest of canvas, Aren't big enough...cause
Chorus
The gods sent me an angel, On wings so bold. The gods sent me an angel, with a heart of gold. The gods sent me an angel, With a ring of gold.
As I finished my song, he turned around to see me. His eyes had the sparkle in them that had drawn me to him in the first place. His eyes were reflecting his soul, as he leaned in, and whispered "I'm so...so sorry Jon..I know I was a fool..so many times. But can you forgive me?" I wanted to jump in his arms right there and tell him I had forgiven him so long ago, but I couldn't. Part of me was still to hurt. "Brian, let's just get home. Then I can go home, and our lives can go on. I know you want your space, and now I will move on, but when you need a friend, I will be here for you. I will always be here for you." Brian looked like I had just slapped him, but he knew he shouldn't expect a whole lot. I eased my Backpack off his shoulders, and I laid down a bit. Gracie came over and gave me a bear hug, and Nick was soon after. All the guys took their turns in hugging me, and making sure I was ok. Other than a few bruises and whatnot I would be fine.
Brian's 7 Sea's of Loneliness part 19 by Jon
The guys all looked at me with shock, amazement, and 1,000 other things running through their minds. Who knew that the power of one's heart could allow them to endure so much pain, and still survive. They were amazed that I was still going home as well, but what could they think. What was I to think. What was Brian thinking. I figured that the storm probably came from the coast of Florida, and might have been blocking the guys signal. I saw the stewardess and the captain as well, playing with the radio, trying to get a signal. "Perhaps someone should make a call to someone who will be home in Florida?" I said, and the captain jumped up "I can boost a signal for a short bit, using the transponder, and other parts from the radio, best guess is 5 minutes tho." All the guys looked at each other, not knowing who to call they could get through too...then Nick shouted, "There is ALWAYS someone home at the Carter house. I bet BJ will be there to Pick up, or mom." Nick gave his cell phone to the pilot, and the guy started rigging the phone up with pieces, I could see something in all the guys eyes. The look of hope. I was laying down on the ground, propped up on my bag, and just looked to the sky, hoping the call would go through.
Nick grabbed the phone soon as it was done, and dialed a number he must have dialed 1,000 times, the battery of the radio powering the phone. It looked like hell, I was surprised it didn't shock the hell out of Nick, I'd have been afraid to use it. I think facing the tornado again would have been my choice. I could hear the ringing, all the way where I was. My hearing was always real good, I could often hear 2 ends of a phone call without being on an extension, so I listened. I heard a sob, and a voice of a girl that had been destroyed answer the phone. "Hello" the girl said. "HI BJ!" Nick cheerily sad, and we all heard a shill shriek. Nick had to hold the receiver away from his ear it was so loud. "BJ calm down, I only have a minute." The screaming continued, and another lady, more mature picked up the phone, almost angry, the other sobbing. "Who is this.." The lady asked. Nick answered "Its me mom, Nick." Again another real loud shriek. This was too funny, I'd have laughed, but I was weak, and knew his time with the phone was running out. The lady on the other end was in hysterics too. I heard a real deep base voice pick up "Who on the gods green earth is this!" He seemed quite angry. Nick a bit shyly answered the same question once more "Dad, it's me, Nick." I thought I heard him cry...I guess Nick did too. "Dad.I only have a minute or two left before the phone dies. I know we been away for a few weeks. The plane crashed, and we are on an Island on the way to Hawaii, And we were in a bad storm." His dad answered quickly "Yeah, we were told the plane crashed, it washed up on shore not too long ago, you were all pronounced dead." Another scream is heard, then a few more "As you can hear your mother told the rest of the families that you guys were alive..we'll see if we can get someone out there soon, after we hang..." And the phone died. Nick looked heart broken "If there wasn't a worst time for THAT to happen, at least they know we are alive now.
I had to smile just knowing they all had families to go back to, and I was going back to see them happy, hopping on my plane to go home to an empty, large apartment. But I smiled regardless. "Yup now your families will rest a bit easier. And they can start celebrating your return home. You know MTV will blow this up..think of all the interviews, and everyone will want to see you." All the guys groaned. "Nick call em back and say we are somewhere else were staying here, it beats the interviews!" AJ said sarcastically. Brian looked like he wanted to agree, and at the same time wanted to be there for his mother who must be worried sick. While they were all discussing what to tell the press, I slipped away, slowly..stumbling a bit, but unseen. I went back to the cove for what seemed to be the last time. It made me feel so warm inside, as if this was the place that I was meant to be when I died. In totally happiness, and nature undisturbed. The truly was the Garden of Eden. The most beautiful place in the world. I took out my camera, and snapped several films, so I could never forget any details of this place...but I knew I couldn't let the world see the photo's, or they would come here, and ruin the beauty. I debated destroying the film, knowing in my heart that I could never forget this place, no matter how much I may want to. But I kept the film regardless. It was my place in this world, I for once felt at peace with nature, and I could feel the god and goddess very strongly here.
I heard foot steps in the sand behind me. Maybe I wasn't unseen...but it was too late to cover up, and just leave. I heard a gasp behind me, as I turned slowly around, I saw Brian standing there, awestruck at the place before him. Much like I was when I fist saw the place. He reveled in warmth of the light, and the majesty of the tree's. The birds commanded the skies, with colors even a rainbow was far from touching. The water was clear as crystal, and the fish were big as boxes. He saw the place I had retreated to this whole time. I had to wonder if it touched him in quite the same way, and I smiles looking at him. He had the face of the cat who just ate the canary. I patted the sand next to me, as if to offer him a seat. It took him a few minutes to understand what I was saying, as he was captivated by this area. But he soon took a seat near me. And he looked at me. "Is this where you have been all the days Jon, here in the forest?" I just nodded. "the beauty called to me, and it was here I first saw the tornado coming..its also been my solace since you decided you didn't trust me.." I saw Brian about to say something, but quickly cut that off at the pass "And before you say sorry again..i know you are, but the words were still said, and they hurt. A lot. So I am going home to think, and to be myself, and to figure out who I am again. Once I figure out where I stand, MAYBE we can try the romance thing again. I want to remain friends tho. That means a lot to me. You have a lot of friends, but I don't, and I value the ones I have." He had the look of a lost pup, and of a wounded bird, mixed with the look of longing and understanding in his eyes. "I understand Jon." "We had better get back Brian, that chopper should be by soon, we have been here a few hours, and I just wanted to say good-bye to this place, before we left.
TBC..seems I forgot that last time.. oops evil grin well I hope you like this installment, I will try for another in a week or two. Working so many hours its hard, but I have a little time off comming up, so we will see what happens now won't we J. Keep well, keep safe. Be loved, and love someone.
-Jon-