OK this is my first time at a story like this, I have read many from the archive and loved them. This is about ME, MY life, and MY fantasies with Brian Littrell and the BackStreet Boys. I am in no way implying anything about the sexuality of the BackStreet boys, and if your not 18 GIT! Enjoy and please send mail to Zelgadyss@juno.com with good or bad comments on the story. Just remember its my first time, and any resemblance to other stories I am sorry it's coincidental and quite on accident.
Part 27: Well things took a turn now didn't they. Whose to say fate doesn't play an ugly hand. I for one have seen its hand, and the dealer stacks his deck in just such a way to where every win is a constant fight, a battle of wills. Is Jon's will to live stronger than his care not to? I guess you'll have to read on to figure that out. And will Brian and Jon ever patch things up? Your guess is as good as mine. (Really its not but I'll let you think it is J ) Thank-you for joining me on my quest to find love, if only through a story. And I appreciate all the mails. They keep me going sometimes, besides that was a really bad place to leave off on wasn't it?
Brian's 7 Sea's of Loneliness part 27 by Jon
As they approached the room, the door was still opened, and they could see what looked like a leg sticking out. This only served to anger them more. As they walked in, they couldn't see a face. Kevin just pulled his foot back, and started kicking at the ribs of the man. The body laid there lifeless, even with the blows. AJ and Howie took this as their initiative to start beating on the body as well. Howie walked over to the front of the man, and saw something that looked vaguely familiar around his neck. He couldn't place it tho. It looked like a small dragon talon, holding a small ball, like a clear marble (Clear quartz actually) and an angel with a large clear crystal (Also clear quartz). He picked the man's head up by the hair. He looked over the whole body, staring into the lifeless eyes, his jaw dropped and pure horror in his eyes. "Guy's NO! STOP!" was all that was heard, but the bloody mess on the ground before them, almost egged them on to finish it. To take its life so it could never again rob someone. And so continued the blows to the ribs, legs, and anywhere else on the lower body that can be kicked, all the while, obscenities were shouted, and the crunching of bones was heard....
Nick and Kevin's room
Brian laid there in Nick's arms, crying with a newfound set of tears, even tho he cried most of the night before. He kept mumbling something about Jon, but Nick couldn't for the life of him figure out just what it was that Brian was trying to say. He figured Jon must have been around during the robbery and may have needed help. But he wasn't certain, and more so scared for Brian, who was standing right here in front of him. He tried his best to console Brian, stroking his hair and his back, comforting and loving, in a way only close friends can be. It wasn't too long before he was asleep in Nick's gentle arms, all the while saying Jon's name. What was it he was trying to get through Nick wondered, but it was all he could do to ponder.
It was mere minutes since Brian had fallen asleep when Nick had heard a scream. It was in Howie's voice. "Guy's NO! STOP!" was echoed throughout the halls into his room. He was glad Brian hadn't heard it and woken up, but still the same he wanted to know what was going on. The shouting lasted for nearly fifteen minutes before the scream to call 911 was heard by Nick. At this point he had a bad feeling in his gut that something was terribly wrong, and he was sure Kevin was not safe. In fact it was as if he could feel the horror on Kevin's face. He bolted up to see what was wrong. Brian didn't seem to feel the bed jolt, or was just too exhausted to show he felt the change. Nick ran into the hall fast as his legs would take him. He ran to where Brian's room was, and too his horror, he saw Kevin crying. Holding the face of a lump on the floor's head in his hands. It's blood was everywhere, on the walls, the sheets, the desk. It was something straight out of a bad horror film, only right in front of his very eyes. Kevin's body was covered in the blood as well, especially his feet and legs. He was rocking back and forth with he head in his hands, saying over and over again how sorry he was, and ordering someone to call 911. It took very little time for Nick to run to Kevin's side, and help calm him. He looked into the man's pale face, and he gasped in horror. He looked at all the blood, and all the bleeding area's, and at the man's face, the only recognizable part of his body. A tear escaped his eye, as he looked down at Kevin. The man he saw as a super man. Reduced to that of a child, and the body of his friend, laying lifeless in their arms.
As Nick was looking, and a few tears slipped from his eyes, he too yelled at Howie and AJ to call 911. The figure in Kevin's arms slowly opened it's eyes, and looked at them. First it smiled, as it weakly opened it's eyes. Smiling at the guys, but the smile was soon followed by a scowl as the man howled in pain. Pain covered all his features, from his deep brown eyes, to his 6'5 frame. It wasn't long before the screaming stopped. "Good...bye....my..friends.." was whispered, between gasps for air by the man. His eyes started to slowly close, and Kevin could feel the heart beat slowing down. "NOOoOO!" Kevin screamed. Nick started breaking into tears. Brian slowly wandered into the room, hearing the scream he ran to see the face of the man Kevin was holding. Seeing the face... hearing the whisper from the doorway was too much for him, and he too collapsed once more. Kevin started shaking the figure of what was once a friend, who in his last breath's called them friends, and said good bye. Not an utterance of hate, regret, or longing to live, but a simple good bye to the people who were supposed to be there for him no matter what.
The guilt inside of Kevin was welling up. Howie and AJ too were feeling overwhelmed in a feeling they had never felt before. They saw the blood on themselves as a reminder it was them who took away this precious gift. The gift of not only life, but of a friend in it's truest sense. It wasn't long before the paramedics found the room, followed by 4 people in suits, presumably the Personal Relations team for the guys. The scene was gruesome to all that looked. One paramedic went to Brian to make sure he was ok, and the other 3 went and surrounded Jon. They made Kevin release his head, and he was pulled back by the PR's. one medic said "This one is fine, fainting spell." And started waving a small white stick in front of the man's nose to bring him around. Another said "This one is critical, looks like broken legs, broken ribs, possible punctured lungs and internal bleeding. Pulse is weak, and lacerations are all over the patient, who has lost, and is losing a lot of blood, we need to have 2 quarts of O positive ready at the hospital." They were bandaging and wrapping everywhere on Jon, and trying to get him onto a flat board. And onto the stretcher. Another yelled "Were losing him, blood pressure has dropped and the pulse is gone, we need emergency CPR." One huddled near Jon's mouth while the other was by his chest. The one at the chest felt for his sternum, and the first raised his head, clearing the airway passage. The first one pumped and counted to 10, and yelled "Breathe" and the first one sent a breath of air into Jon's lungs.
After the better part of 3 minutes, The heartbeat, shallow, but there returned, and they rushed the battered blue, purple, and black body covered in blood to the hospital. The fourth left soon after awaking Brian to join the other 3 to take Jon to the ER, all the while Kevin was breaking down, and Brian was rushing for the door, falling to his knee's looking up, as he grabbed his chain from the desk. "I still choose him. Help him." Was all Brian said holding his cross tight in his hands. He was not strong enough to maneuver to his feet alone, but with the help of AJ and Howie, soon was standing. They were all rushed into a room with the PR's, all of them firing questions at the guys all at once. Kevin was in tears on the bed, with Nick at his back. Howie and AJ tried to answer questions as fast as they could, saying they thought Jon was a robber, and no one had looked at his face, but just started to beat on the body soon as they saw it. The suits were discussing things between them, and decided what "really" happened as far as the police or hospital were to be concerned. The man had tripped over the desk while trying to get away From Brian. Brian grabbed him, and the man swung, causing Brian to take the offensive. Kevin started shaking his head no "I will take responsibility for this, if they throw me in jail, then its less than I deserve, I just killed our friend." Brian heard this, and started shaking, his body was going numb, and he was wavering. Howie was soon there to help support him, as they headed into the limo, going towards the hospital.
It was only a few minutes till the limo arrived at the hospital. "Ma'am" Nick began, being the most level headed of the group at the moment. "Ma'am a friend of ours was just taken by ambulance in here, badly beaten. Where is he?" The nurse had looked at a few papers, from just arrived ambulance's and looked morosely at the group. Her eyes were downcast. It was never easy to break news like this to anyone. "Are you friends or family?" she asked, a bit shaky, as in her years she had never become accustomed to this. One of the men in suit's stepped up "Were his employer, friends, and the closest thing to family he has." He followed this up, by showing a paper with a name scrolled on it saying it was ok to tell Brian Littrell, AJ McLean, Nick Carter and company any information on hospital information in the case I was unaware of the situation, or unconscious. "Well, this is never easy." the nurse started, and all eyes were on her. Everyone's hearts were in their throat's "He didn't make it to the hospital, he died due to injury, blood loss, and lack of air in the ambulance. We tried all we could to save him.. I'm sorry. We have a priest coming to say a few last words of prayer for the departed. We need some information." The man in the suit sat down and filled out the forms, as Nick stopped the nurse "Please cancel the priest, he was a Wiccan, and needs a Wiccan priest or priestess now... may we have his necklace's please?" The nurse nodded and said they could go to the morgue and get all the items on him. "He didn't have organ donor on his license, and we were wondering if you would donate his organs to help save another?" Brian shook his head yes to her request "It was his life's dream to help others, now in his death, some others may live."
Solemnly the group walked out, tears in their eyes, and guilt on their conscience. No one would look at anyone else, no one could look in the window, for fear of seeing their true self. Brian had tears in a steady stream on his face, as did the rest of them, tho he wouldn't utter a word, or a sound, or a gesture he didn't have to. His face looked like that of an old man, and downcast. His mind was working on over speed and no one could say anything to help him. Some how he also looked like he had a plan, as if he knew what needed to be done next, and he was soon making a list of things that needed to be done. He started to write down the important things to the unimportant. From sending a mail to the parents, and an e-mail Brian was told of that Jon had on his computer to say good-bye to everyone, if something unthinkable happened. It was as if he knew he wouldn't get to say good-bye to his friends one last time, and so he wrote this letter to say the things he never said, and tell people what he needed to tell them. Say his good-bye so everyone knew, he was with them in spirit only. Now the 5 men in the vehicle had made a promise to themselves to carry on Jon's work, and do what he was now no longer around to do. They would spread his message of joy and happiness, and peacefulness. Help others in need any way they could. Be the selfless people that they themselves robbed the world of.
Brian's 7 Sea's of Loneliness part 28 by Jon
The Dream in Brian's Room
As I floated along the space in my mind, I felt I wasn't alone. I could feel a great presence with me, no correction, presence's around me. I saw a blur flying around me, making more and more distance between us as it did. I could feel a certain heat with it as it passed by. The colors were amazing as it was lined with crimson reds and sun-fire yellow's. Streaks of a pale blue lined the middles of it, that meshed into the red's and yellow's perfectly. On the inside, where the heart would be, was a white light, a white so pure, so bright that it equaled the light of hope. The eyes were so intense, and so full of life, and the tail vibrated almost every color of the rainbow. Never had I seen something of such great beauty, I had read books of such a sight tho. It took seconds to hear the beautiful cry of the mighty bird in the sky. It was the phoenix. It flew over me, and landed on the ground in front of me. It uttered not a single word, yet I felt like I knew what it was thinking. It spread it's massive wings, and looked at me, and I did the same. I could feel a thumping in my chest as I spread my arms, and my heart started to glow. Slowly the magnificence of the creature melded into my body. With it came a sense of happiness. The bird of life and health, healing, rebirth and fire had just come to me. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined such a glorious thing to happen.
Soon after the magical bird had entered me, I heard the ferocious cry of what seemed like a cat. Not the normal cat tho. But a tiger, a white Bengal tiger. It came up to me, and stood by my side. I felt its power and courage there with me. It's stripes seemed to give off this feeling of courage, as it took a paw, and laid it on my foot. It's head nuzzled my leg in a loving gesture, as if to say "be strong and courageous" tho that was this animal's attributes. I slowly felt him enter me through my leg, and felt a certain power within him. I felt myself becoming stronger, more aware of myself and my surroundings, and not scared of this land.
A galloping of a horse then broke the silence. It wasn't a heavy silence, but rather a comfortable, contemplative silence. The dust clouds billowed in the distance, rising, and coming towards me. Tho I saw it coming, I felt no fear. Soon the noise became louder, and eventually stopped altogether. Before me stood a most magnificent being. Bathed in the purest of light, the hair on its back reflecting this light with the pure white of it. A glint from a tip, near its head, at a protruding single horn stood a majestic being. The unicorn. As it walked to me, it did not fear me, and it seemed to be answering the call of something in me. I could feel my heart vibrating, and it felt good. It touched my heart with it's horn, ever so gently, and soon I felt it too enter my heart. The being of benevolence, wisdom, healing, and the spirit had just walked into my body. I felt at total ease with myself, and with nature. I did not know what I had done to deserve this in my life, but I do know that whatever it was, couldn't have been at the time too much.
As I contemplated these gifts bestowed unto me, I head off in the distance, waves. I smelled the salt in the air, and felt a slight breeze. It was soothing, and reminded me of the beach. I saw something glimmering in the distance. Closer came the water, and closer came the glimmering object. The waves crashed gently at my feet, as all the stress in my body flowed away, and all I felt was serenity and peace, a calmness was brought by the creature. I could hear its calls, in a high pitch, the dolphin's call, as it too swam towards me. It butted my hand, and started getting me to play with it. Swimming through the waters, gliding like a hot knife through butter. We cut through the waves like I could never before. It jumped into the air, carrying me with it, and soon it to came into my body. The water receding, as I glided into the air.
Off in the distance I heard the cry. It too was high pitch, so high I almost thought I didn't hear it. On the wind came a feather of an eagle. A flight feather. I took the feather, and looked at it. Soon I brushed it over my cheek, and let its love fill me. And not long there after, I saw the eagle the feather once belonged to. It landed onto my arm, and I examined it. I heard a voice in my head "True love sometimes hurts, and comes with a little sacrifice. You have given up much for many and now into our loving wings we take you." I looked at the bird, and it looked at me. The voice sounded vaguely like that of a goddess calling, and the bird was soon entering my form.
Awakening
Nick was looking, and a few tears slipped from his eyes, he yelled at Howie and AJ to call 911. I was in Kevin's arms, slowly opening my eyes, and looked at them. First I smiled, as I weakly opened my eyes. Smiling at the guys, but the smile was soon followed by a scowl as I howled in pain. Pain covered all my features, from deep brown eyes, to the 6'5 frame. It wasn't long before my screaming stopped. "Good...bye....my..friends.." was whispered, between gasps for air by me. As if a great clairvoyance had entered me. My eyes started to slowly close, and Kevin could feel the heart beat slowing down. "NOOoOO!" Kevin screamed. Nick started breaking into tears. I felt myself drifting away from the pain. I felt the light of the totem spirits answer to me, and fill me, as I floated in this new world to me. I felt no pain, and no fear, it was truly a place of perfect love, and perfect trust. In the truest sense of the word, I was "home" for no place, other than in Brian's arms felt so loving and so healthy. I felt the 5 spirits with me, guiding me along the path of light. I heard laughter and playing, kids running carelessly around the area. It looked like a park of some sort, with something for everyone. Not a single face was saddened or crying. Smiles and grins were plentiful, as were dimples and simple joys. It was as if the place I always dreamed of was here all along. I had found the home that I had searched for my whole life. The wind gently blew in my hair and eyes, and the ground was soft as pillows...
TBC...there are a few loose ends to tie up in the next chapter. Unresolved issues and such. Never before have I experienced all the things this story has shown me. Some of my truest friends were made here, and some of my most kindred spirits were as well. Yuli (bet you thought I forgot you) I don't know what I would be like without you. Your heart is so loving and caring, that where ever you find yourself, the people there will count their blessings. Sera, you saw me thru.. well you are here while I go thru what is the hardest times of my life, and for that I am grateful. You also brought Kate to my life. And Kate, our friendship will last whatever perils are on the way, from us moving away, to anything else that can happen. I will treasure this next year with you, and make memories, enough to carry me till we meet there after. You have touched my life in a special way. Eric.. tho I doubt you have read, or ever will read this, I felt I had to say it, or I would die. With all my heart and soul I love you. I don't deserve you, and you can and will do so much better than me. You have found someone you care deeply for, and I will be here to help you, give you advice, or a shoulder to cry on. May he never hurt you, but if he does, I will be there. When we first talked online, and on the phone, I had a crush on you. When I met you, I fell in love. Everything you have said, has stayed with me, and I feel you with me, even when your not. One day I will deserve you, I hope one day won't be too late. My heart is ready, and my body soon will too. I will be what you need, a friend, a lover, a companion through life. Never again will you be alone, all you need do is look to the sky, and see my eyes sparkling to you. On a midsummer's morning, you'll feel my touch upon your back. On a small breeze, will be carried my thoughts and prayers for your happiness, and in my music, will carry your name and love forever. Jim and James..one day, and I know I need not say more, cause one day there will be nothing to say, for everything will have been said. Yet we will still talk volumes with our hearts, our eyes, and our souls. Today is that day. but I will say this to you. "Close your eyes, give me your hand. Do you feel my heart beating. Do you understand. Do you feel the same. Am I only dreaming. Is this burning, an eternal flame.." This love is different from romantic love, but love is love all the same...and a final note: be true to yourself, and your heart. To the world you may be just one person.. but to one person you could be the world."