Justin ...
I see Alex, Alisa, Brad, and myself playing together in a sandbox, laughing and running around. It looks like we are 4 years old. God, I remember those times and wonder where they went. Why am I seeing this? Justin wonders to himself. There is Alex. God, he looks so happy, not a care in the world. Alisa and Brad look happy too. I can still feel the love we had for each other, we were so close. Not a care in the world, he thinks as the sun shines down on us. Suddenly the sun and sky start turning gray, like a sudden storm was coming, and a slow fog creeps in. "What the hell is going on." Justin asks. The children look up and suddenly there are three figures in black with hoods surrounding the sandbox. The children start crying. One by one, two of the figures walks up to a child, picks him up, and walks to the edge of the fog, then disappears until there are only two children left.
"Why are Brad and I the only ones left alone?" Justin question himself
Suddenly, panic strikes as he sees the last figure pick up Brad and slowly move towards the fog.
"NO!!!.. DON'T TAKE HIM AWAY, DON'T TOUCH HIM!", he screams as he quickly moves toward the last figure carrying his friend away.
His only thought is to get to his friend before it is too late. As he catches up to the figure, he can hear the small child calling for his friends. Suddenly a chill strikes him, and he can feel the coldness of the mysterious figure
"LEAVE HIM ALONE YOU SON OF A BITCH!", he yells, and the figure turns around
What he sees stops him dead in his tracks. The figure in black is Brad at the age of 17. Then Justin looks at himself and he is also dressed in black... I wake up in a cold sweat. The dreams have been coming more and more frequently, and have become weirder and weirder. Last night's takes the cake. "God I gotta get some help," I said as I got out of bed and walked into the bathroom. I looked at the clock. 5 am. I went to bed early, around 9 o'clock, so why do I feel like I just fell asleep? As I started to get ready for my morning run, suddenly my thoughts fell again to Brad. Thinking of all the pain I caused him, thinking of how I miss him, talking to him and seeing him. Suddenly "you've got mail", the all to familiar sound from my computer. I walk over and check out the computer screen. I'll have to check my mail later or I`ll miss my run and be late for school. I quickly turn off the computer and jet out of the door.
Alisa ...
The world is lit with a bright white light. People are walking past me, going about their life not noticing the brightness. It is so bright that it hurts my eyes. Not physical pain, but the pain of missing something or someone. Suddenly I see Justin, Alex, and Brad. They're walking towards me. They are smiling at me. Straining to see them because of the light, I smile back while looking around to see if anyone is watching me. All of a sudden all the people around stop and start to look at me. Fear takes over me as I start to look around, not wanting to look at Justin, Alex and Brad, but at the people staring at me. The pain increases as everything gradually starts turning gray. All of the people that were staring at me unexpectedly start calling my name as if I know them. "Who are you people?", I ask. There is no reply immediately. Then I notice Brad in the crowd and start to call to him. The smile that I saw earlier is now replaced by a cold stare. I try to move towards him, but suddenly the crowd of people starts to block my path to my friend. Out of the corner of my eye I see Alex and call to him. I try to move to him because he is closer. I again am blocked. He has the same look in his face.
The pain that I felt earlier has now doubled in intensity. I close my eyes and start to cry. When I open them Justin is right in front of me calling my name, "Alisa". He has the same look on his face as Alex and Brad did. As I reach out for him, his face turns to Alex's, then he calls my name "Alisa" as his face changes to Brad. Brad just looks at me, then smiles. He does not call my name, just smiles as he then fades away along with all of the people, one by one each calling my name. "Whoa, just when I could finally see faces of the people calling me", I think to myself.
"Alisa?" It's my mother calling.
"Yes mother." I answer back as I look at the clock. 6:00am. I hear her coming up the stairs as I move to my desk to finish up a report due in class today. Thank god for computers. I don't understand how my parents did their homework without them.
"Alisa have you been up all night?", she asks.
"No, mother I just got up to finish this report and finish cramming for a test.", I said, knowing I was up until 3:00.
"What time did you get in last night", she asks.
"Oh no." I wonder if she heard me get in. "Around 11:00, 11:30 I think.", I say, knowing good and well it was more like 2:00.
"Good. I still think that's too late, but it's better than 2. So how was the party? Was Brad there? ", She asked.
"Mom, you know Brad and I don't talk anymore. He's got his boys and I have I my friends".
"I know, but I've liked him ever since you were little", she said as she walked out of my room. I never could come to tell her that he is gay. It crushed me and, I think it would crush her too. Now why would she be thinking about Brad? Come to think of it why would I be thinking and dreaming of him too? I looked at the clock. "Shit, 6:15. Another 45 minutes before I have to leave.", I say as I try finishing before I have to start to get ready for school.
Justin ...
Running always takes my mind off of my problems. No thoughts, no worries, just run. My morning run has always been a run to get me started. I run for a total of one hour. Four miles up and then four miles back to the house.
I love to feel the wind, the cool crisp air on my skin. I love to see the trees this early
The house..
What the ...?
Where am I? This is not my normal path.
Where the hell am I ... these houses?
"They look ... they look familiar." I think to myself
"Oh shit I'm at Brad's house. "What the hell is happening to me? How the hell did I end up here?" I was almost at his door, for God's sake.
I quickly turned around before anyone could see me
"Shit, shit, shit " I say to myself
I look at my watch and see that I have been running for one hour and went six miles in the wrong direction.
"Shit, I pray to god that he did not see me." Six miles in an hour. What was I thinking about? I gotta get home.
(c) 2001, Alex Nelson Posted: January 30, 2001.