Author
Alex Nelson
Title
Broken Facades: The Journal
Chapter 2
Paper Cuts Like a Knife
After Meredith watched Tony and Alex speed away she slowly moved away from the window and took a seat on her couch. As she looked at the book in her hand she remembered when Doctor Monroe first gave him the journal to help him deal with the problems that he was having, by writing them out. 'God, I remember, for the first few weeks Justin never even picked it up, Steven and I had to basically force him to write in it,' Meredith thought to herself, as her hand started shaking as she opened to the first page.
November 5, 1998
You guys and Dr. Dan want me to write my feeling out... Here You Go, I?ll Write Something, I Feel This Is A Waste Of Time?And Is Fucking Stupid?And I?m Not Doing This... FUCK YOU!!!!!
A smile came to Meredith?s face as she remembered the conversations that she had with Justin about the journal, well, she and Steve did most of the talking if you can call it that. 'It was mostly Justin screaming that he didn?t want to talk to some shrink about it and how he did not want to see anyone, except Tony and Kate,' Meredith thought again to herself?and even when they came over they would lock themselves in Justin?s room and Meredith would hear him crying?It broke Meredith?s heart every time.
November 12, 1998
I?m not doing it?FUCK YOU!!!
November 18, 1998
I?m not writing anything?
November 20, 1998
Now they are threatening to send me to some stupid camp and two visits a week to Dr. Dan if I don?t start cooperating. Go ahead, send me away I don?t care?I am not writing in the...FUCKING BOOK!!
November 24, 1998
Great, now they somehow have talked Tony and Kate to try and get me to write in this stupid journal. I don?t understand why I have to do this, all I want is to be left alone. Why can?t anyone do that?...
...Fuck, now I made my Momma cry again because I said that I wish they would have just let me die?Great, not only am I upsetting everyone but I am now talking to a stupid Book?
I guess I had what you would call an intervention today at my session?and, well I guess I am going to try writing?I don?t think it is going to work, but I promised Dr. Dan and my mother I would try?well here goes, I guess I?ll try and explain what happened?God this is so weird?It?s like I am talking to myself, but anyways I just gotten to Dr. Dan's office? my parents dragged me there because I started crying for no reason?well I was crying because Momma was crying, when he asked me about the Journal and how far I had gotten.My parents just looked at me when I didn?t answer; I guess he could tell that they were upset with me.
Dad yelled about me never even picking it up then he said that I was upsetting mom!
That is when I lost it and shouted back she?s upset?I then asked him what about me, and told him I only want to be left alone and asked them why couldn?t do that?
My dad then said why, so you can try that stupid stunt again and destroy everything we worked for?
Mom started crying and screaming at us both.
Before anyone could say anything Dr Dan stood up and in a calm voice asked my parents to step outside with him to talk. When he came back in after about 20 minutes alone he asked what was going on, why I didn?t want to write in the journal. I told him that I didn?t want to talk and that I didn?t want to do it, I just wanted to be left alone. He said fine and that he would leave me alone if I tried one thing. I told him yea right, like I am going to fall for that, my parents will just take me to another doctor, he asked me if I want to see another Doctor, I told him no?that he?s fine I just don?t feel like talking. He said ok then here is what I want you to do, when you get home I want you to write down what happened here in the office today then read it to yourself. He said to write like I was talking to my best friend and not him. Then he told me to remember that I was going to be the only one that will ever read this.
Meredith gasped as she slowly closed the Journal while contemplating if she should continue reading Justin?s Journal. She always felt that she knew her son, but with the new shocking discoveries she was slowly finding out that she had no idea what he was going through. The pull that she felt was that she had to know what Justin was feeling and going through. Her only fear was that her world was going to be ripped apart as she discovered Justin?s secrets.
As the two cars raced into the cemetery and quickly parked next to each other, Tony and Alex quickly jumped out and looked over towards Justin?s grave and spotted a lone figure squatting near the headstone. Hoping that they had found Heath, Tony and Alex rushed over to the lone figure crouching by Justin's grave.
?Heath!? Tony shouted when the two of them got closer.
?Nope, guess again,? the figure said as he stood up with a smile.
?Brad?? Alex and Tony both said as they realized that it was Brad and not Heath.
?Gee, guys, don?t sound so happy to see me,? Brad said sarcastically
Oh shit, Brad, I'm sorry, man, Alex said as he saw the hurt in Brad's eyes.
Yea, I'm sorry about that too, bro It's just we thought you were Heath, Tony said while looking around
Yea, we were just looking for him,? Alex said.
Why are you looking for him? Brad asked but then stopped in mid-sentence. ?Actually the question I should be asking is why he's here in town? Brad said under his breath
Both Alex and Tony looked at each other. Bro, Alex and I thought that it would do him good to be around friends, Tony was saying but Brad cut him off mid-sentence.
Around friends? Tony, you've only met this guy maybe four times in a little over a year and Alex, you've only met him once.You guys barely know the guy and now all of a sudden you two are flying him here? I mean for god sakes do you even truly know this guy?
Brad, he was Justin's boyfriend, that is good enough for me,? Tony said, now starting to become a little upset.
And me, what's wrong, buddy, ever since Justin died you haven't been the same. I mean he was a part of Justin's life, he was his boyfriend.?
Supposed boyfriend, how do we know it was for real??
It was real enough for Justin; I was there when he bought Heath a ring,? Tony said, trying to hold back his building anger.
What if he was playing Justin?? Brad asked
Bro, are you listening to yourself, you sound like a jealous boyfriend, you are being ridiculous,.? Alex said
Am I, Alex? You and Alisa got to see them and talk to them once and Tony; you became Justin's best friend after?you know. You all got to see him; you all got to talk to him. Justin barely even talked to me the one time I saw him. Then all of a sudden he finds a boyfriend out of the blue."
"Brad, what you don?t know is Justin met Heath on his way to college, his first year. The only person who knew about it was Tony. I didn?t even find out about Heath until last year. Do you remember for a time Justin wouldn?t talk to me either?" Alex said, now seeing that Brad was becoming upset.
Yea, but he forgave you, he died hating me,? Brad said as he walked away
Brad, he didn?t hate you.? The shock of Brad?s statement to Tony hit him and he suddenly felt anger that was building up quickly leave him as rapidly as it came. For the first time, Tony could now see what Alisa had been talking about for the past few days, about how Brad was still hurting for Justin?s death.
Brad,? Alex said softly as he tried to reach out to his friend. ?Bear.? But Brad pulled away from Alex.
Brad, where are you going?? Tony said. ?Brad? Brad!?
Let him go, Tone, he needs some time. He is really hurting, I think he needs help and I can only think of one person that can help him.?
Who?
Heath, that's who, we really need to find him.
Ok I know, I know, but what are we going to do now, I figured he would be here.?
Well, if your mom hasn't seen him, let's see if the only other person in town that knows him has,? Alex said as he reached for his cell phone.
?Good morning, Dr. Monroe's office, LeAnn speaking,? LeAnn Monroe answered the phone, sounding cheerful as possible while waiting to take a lunch break with her husband.
?LeAnn, Hi, it's Meredith Kemper, Meredith said, surprisingly not knowing what to say.LeAnn, the last time she talked was at Justin's funeral when she and her husband tried to help.
"Meredith?" LeAnn said sounding surprised.
Copyright 2001, Alex Nelson