BROTHER 2 BROTHER
By Michael Martell
CHAPTER 13: Andre & Julien
You know things in your life happen one way and it's the way you want it to happen but then something happens that makes you wonder if the way things are going is the way it's supposed to be. For all my life, or at least most of it I knew things about me, or I thought I did. I knew that I loved women, I loved sex, I loved having fun, I loved making money and spending it. I knew that my life was going to be off the chain. Then it all changed when I realized and more importantly accepted who I was sexually. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's still new to me. I feel comfortable with who I am. I don't use labels like I'm gay, because I don't feel gay I mean I still get hard when I see a sexy woman but I rather hook up with a sexy man. I'm not Bi-sexual, though the idea of having a dude and a girl in the same bed getting our groove on brings the `hard 9' online. DL? Damn, down low, I don't know what to say about that except to a degree I am on the D. I don't need the world to know my damn business and certainly not anyone at work, my other friends outside of Eric and his boys, my family, not even going there with them. I like...I love sex. I love having it, getting it. I love having sex with other men. Masculine cats, who are unclockable. Cats I can chill with go to games, concerts and shit like that. Smoke some drink some, fuck some.
When all this happened with Julien, me dealing with my sexuality, being attracted to him sexually and physically, it was all new. We went out and chilled, when we could. Movies and shit like that. He didn't drink much and he damn sure wasn't blazing, being a cop and all. But we had fun and the sex was great. We had our own places and space and it was really cool. There were times when we hardly had time to talk because he was always working but that was how it was when you date a cop. I thought I could deal with that and I could until Dalziel popped back up in the mix. When I saw him at the gym and my dick jumped when he touched me I knew something was going on between us. But I felt that Julien deserved better, after all we were seeing each other, kind of. That morning I went to Julien to get some sexual healing and was on the way there when he had to dash off to work, to court. Maybe if I wasn't so damn horny I could have dealt with it and I was doing well until lunch time when I ran into Dalziel again, DAMN. He invited me to chill with him at his place that night at around 7:00 pm. There's nothing wrong with hanging with a friend I told myself but the next second I knew better than that and was not going to go. I had planned to give Julien all this hard 9 inches of coco-dick that he could handle and called him to tell him so. He sounded like he was hot for that. Two hours later he calls and tells me that something had come up and that as much as he hated to do it he had to take a rain check. Again, if I wasn't so damn horny I could have handled it better. I told him I was cool though. He had to work. He had to protect and serve the public even if he wasn't serving me. So I drank a few beers and watched BET on his TV. I had a nice beer buzz going when I noticed the time. It was 6:30 pm. I heard Dalziel's voice in my head and his invitation and before I knew it I was calling him and telling him I was rolling on over. He was cool with it, of course. The entire drive I was like, we are just going to chill. Blaze a bit, drink and that's it because you love Julien. Julien is your man.
When I got to Dalziel's place the nigga came to the door wearing a white wife beater, baggy FUBU jeans that hugged that super fine ass he has and by the look in his eyes and the smell in the room, he had been burning a few trees. He invited me in and when he closed the door he grabbed a handful of my ass and squeezed. That shit felt good but I set him straight. We just chillin' and blazin'. I gotta a man. We sat on the sofa and the burn was on. We talked and shit and remembered how cool he was. Yeah, I understood he was in the mix with Eric's friend Mohammed and his ex but that was some shit between them. I knew he was a freak and a cam freak at that but that didn't bother me as long as my shit didn't get out there like that and if it ever did he knew his ass was a dead motherfucker. But Dalziel was cool as cool could ever be. At some point we started watching a flick, two fine thugged up brothas getting it on and doing the damn thing. My hands were gripping my hard 9 as I watched. I was horny out of my fucking mind. Dalziel reached over and gave me a hand. I should have pushed his hand away but what was wrong with friends getting their jack off on? It felt good but what felt better was when he covered it with his mouth and I remembered how he sucked dick. It was blowing my mind. As he sucked my dick his fingers played with my nipples and I loved that shit. It wasn't long before we were straight up fucking in his living room giving those porno bruhs a lesson in dickin' it down 101. I had his legs spread and was driving in all I could. Damn, that ass was wild. He did things that Julien never did with his ass. I was trying to keep up and not catch a fucking heart attack. I flipped him over and hit it from the back doggie style and he yelped and growled like a damn dog too. When I nutted it was the best I had had in awhile. I was spent. I was worn out but I was satisfied and happy. Dalziel wasn't done. He started licking and eating my ass. Slurping and gobbling it up and down. His tongue was driving me crazy again and my dick sprang back to life. I was clawing the carpet on the floor as he ate me out. It was so good I wanted it to stop and wanted it to last forever. When he slipped his dick in, hell, I vaguely remember him ripping open the condom pack, I was too gone. He filled it up and I was just moaned and groaning and calling for all he had. I did everything I could to drive me crazy with my ass as he did with me and it worked. Dalziel exploded and fell right on top of me, exhausted and happy. As we laid there he said something and it was that something that changed things for me.
"Man, you know being with one nigga is for you," he said as he was stroking my spent dick.
"Nigga, what you talkin' about?" I replied.
"Don't get upset," he said, "I'm just saying...look Dre. You and me are a lot alike. We like what we like. We like having fun. We like getting fucked up, we like fun and we like fucking...HELL NAH...we love fucking. But not just one motherfucker all the time but every motherfucker we can find."
"Nigga you lame!" I said but the words were sinking in.
"Oh, so you saying that you haven't wanted to hit nothin' new since you and your man hooked up?"
Damn, now it would have been a lie to say no cause there were a few times when I saw a fine brotha and thought I would love to hit that but I would catch myself and bring it on over to Julien. But I wasn't going to let Dalziel know that. But he was still talking.
"You don't have to answer that because I know the answer. Look, I'm not saying you can't handle your business in a 1 on 1 thing. But ask yourself this, bruh. You just getting down into this, you ready to stay with the first piece of the apple you pick or do you want to try some others? Are you doing you and your man any big favor staying together when you know you want to," he squeezed my hard dick, "freak another all night long?"
"Nigga, you crazy,"
"And telling the truth. No one wants to hear the truth but it's gotta be told." Dalziel looked me in the eyes. "Truth time is right now. Why did you come over here?"
"You invited me to hang out." I said.
"Bullshit. Truth time nigga! Why did you come over here?"
I was silent because I knew why I had come over. I knew why but didn't want to tell it.
"Game recognizes game, nigga, and a playa knows a playa." Dalziel said.
"I'm not a playa and I'm not playin' no games."
"Keep it real with yo'self. You can lie to the world but keep it real to yourself. Why did you come here?"
"Cause I was tried of being with one motherfucker and I wanted to get my fuck on and my blaze on and have some motherfucking fun with no strings and shit!" That all came out and it felt good but it also felt bad. Dalziel grinned and I hated his ass for that. Not for grinning. For challenging me to keep it real. For making me say what I had been feeling for awhile. For making me say it. I got up and got dressed. Dalziel didn't move, he just watched me. As I went to the door he called out.
"You got the number. Whenever you wanna you know where."
I slammed the fucking door so damn hard I hoped it broke the motherfucker. I didn't go right home cause I needed to think. Shit was happening too damn fast. I looked at my cellphone. I had turned it off when I got to Dalziel's. I turned it on. Julien had called and left a message. I deleted the message without listening to it. When I got home, I took a shower and went to bed. I never called Julien back and I never saw him again.
A broken heart is the worst thing to have. Well, it is the second worse thing to have. The worst by far is not knowing what the hell is going on with the person in your life. When they suddenly stop calling or answering your calls. When you don't see them and when they won't see you, talk to you, acknowledge you. It sends you into a tailspin of emotions that drives you insane. Now I know why people kill in a fit of passion and rage. I have no idea what happened between Andre and I and because I have not spoken to him nor seen him I can only speculate and speculation is not like really knowing the deal. All I do know is that one minute everything was fine and the next nothing. One day I came home to find the spare key that I had given him on the coffee table and everything he had left over at my place over time was gone. Since he hadn't talked to me in a week before that I knew it was useless calling him but I did anyway. I'm a police detective and as such I am supposed to act like a professional law enforcement officer but there are times when you just say fuck all that. I needed answers. I drove by his place on more than one occasion and was out the car and at his door but I never knocked. I recognized I was too upset and confused and my emotions were so that if I had seen him, lord only knows what would have happened. All I knew was my life was in turmoil and I was hurting bad. It showed at the job, my new partner noticed, my fellow officers noticed, even the captain noticed. Luckily I wasn't working any major cases but the small things that I had to handle weren't getting done as they should. I was slipping and my captain let me know so. It was after he gave me a fatherly talk about my job performance and asked if there was anything in my personal life that was causing me troubles that I wanted to share that I realized that it was time for Julien Linton to get it together. Andre was out of my life and for whatever reason he was too cowardly to tell me to my face. It hurt. It hurt bad, but there it was. I had things to concern myself with and that was my job. When you are a gay cop or gay in law enforcement period, you have to keep your head right or someone is going to get hurt or die.
My new partner, Carlos Martinez had been transferred to our unit from the one-five after getting his detective shield. He was an eager to learn detective about my age. He was born and raised in Puerto Rico before moving here to go to college and then later the police academy. He joined the force and by thirty-one he was a detective. I liked Carlos Martinez. Since the shake up in the police department and after going to court over cases that my late and corrupted partner and myself had been involved with, most of them were found to be legit, thank goodness. Carlos and I were back in the rotation of handling current assignments, which pleased me since it kept my mind off my current personal problems. We had returned to the station after assisting with a gang related shooting which netted the shooters and resulted in a bust of more than a million dollars in tar heroine that was about to hit the streets. As I went to my desk I saw a pink message sitting under my phone. I looked at it.
Call Mr. Damarr Sisulu. I stared at the message as I remembered the day that I saw Damarr outside of my apartment the morning of the day that I had to go to court, which was also the last day that I would hear from nor see Andre again. He had hugged me, called me King as he had always done when we were together. He had said he had been thinking about me and had wanted to talk. I told him that I was late for court but that I was always open to talking to old friends. He had smiled and said.
"Is that what I am now, an old friend?"
I had nodded. He was an old friend. A dear friend even though we hadn't spoken nor seen each other in two years but at least when our relationship ended he was man enough to do it face to face. Of course, we never talked because, well, the shit going on with Andre. For some reason I found myself dialing his number. After several rings his voice mail picked up. I smiled as I listened to his outgoing message. Damarr had a very nice and clear speaking voice and sexy as well.
`Greetings and thank you for calling the home of Damarr Sisulu. I am unable to answer your call but your message is important to me. So if you would leave a message with information on how to contact you I shall return your call. Salamu!'
I smiled as I listened to the message and as I left my reply I was aware that my partner was watching me. "Salamu to you as well. This is Julien. Things have been going on and I am sorry we have not talked. But here is my cell number and I will be home later so you can call me there as well." I left my cell number and hung up.
"So," Carlos said, "Sounds like you have a hot date."
I shook my head. Carlos had no idea that I was gay. "No, partner. Just an old friend."
Carlos looked almost disappointed as he rose from his desk. "Well, you take off, I can finish our report on the shooting."
"You sure?" I asked.
"Go. I can handle this." He assured me. With that I left the station and headed home. I stopped off to get some Chinese food from the `Golden Dragon' right around the corner from my place and then headed home. I was getting out of my car when I heard some one call out.
"Salamu King," I turned to see Damarr walking towards me carrying a brown bag the same as mine. "I'm glad you haven't forgotten all the Swahili we had learned together."
I smiled. "Trust me you would be surprised at how much I don't remember." I recognized the bag. He had been to the Golden Dragon'. It was where we always got out Chinese food. "And I see you have not forgotten the Golden Dragon'"
It was his turn to smile. "You would be surprised at what I remember."
And for some reason I had a feeling I would surprised indeed. We talked about what we had purchased and to both of our surprises we had ordered the same thing. Sweet and Sour chicken, shrimp-friend rice, egg rolls, egg drop soup.
"Are we going to stand in the street all night, King?" Damarr asked with a smile. We went up to my apartment where I pulled out plates and began setting up a place in my small dining area to eat. I found a bottle of Saki that I had and set that out as well. As I did all this I was aware that Damarr was watching me. We then sat down and began eating, drinking Saki and talking. At first just about every day mundane things like the weather, the news, the state of the world. Then I turned the subject.
"So what brings you here?" I asked.
"Straight to the point, huh King?" Damarr said with a small smile.
"Sorry, it's just that I...well, I am a detective." I replied.
Damarr took a breath as he sipped his saki. He seemed as if he was mustering up some courage to say something. "I understand. I'm gonna do the same thing." To my surprise he took hold of my hand. "King, I have thought about you a lot over the past year. I thought a lot about us and our life together and why we broke up."
"I know why we broke up," I responded, "My job. My work."
Damarr nodded his head. "Yeah, you are right but it was a little more than that King. I couldn't compete with your passion and desire for your job. It felt like there was no space for me in your life."
"There was always space in my life for you. You knew that." I replied.
"Part of me knew it but I didn't feel it."
I removed my hand from his and a pained expression briefly crossed his face.
"It was nothing you did, King." Damarr said quickly. "It was me. It was who I was then and what I was dealing with."
"You were dealing with so much you couldn't come to me and tell me?" I asked. Damarr looked sad and for the first time I realized that what ever it was he was going through at that time he was still feeling some of it now.
"I should have King. I should have been strong in our relationship and in your love. Our love but I messed up." Damarr took my hand in his again, "I was wrong."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I didn't know what to think or do or say. Damarr was not stopping.
"I know you had another man in your life. The day I saw you in the street I was excited. I wanted to see you again. I came back here and I saw a man go in your apartment with a key and then I watched him leave the same way."
That got me. He had seen Dre when he snuck in here like a coward and left his key and took his things. I didn't know what to think about the irony of that. I guess I had fallen silent and had been silent for a moment. The next thing I knew he was tapping my hand and calling my name.
"Are you okay?" Damarr asked a concerned look on his face. When I didn't answer he took my hand and held it tight. It was when he touched my face I realized then that I was crying. Tears were rolling down my face, down my cheeks and try as I might they wouldn't start. He squeezed my hand and before I knew it he was embracing me and I was crying and sobbing in his arms as all the pain, confusion and hurt overwhelmed me. He walked me into the living room to the sofa where he held me and allowed me to cry. I cried like a big baby and between the tears and sobs I told him all about Julien, the entire story down to the end and I cried again.
"King, Julien," Damarr said as he held my hand in his, "I am so sorry that this happened to you. You do not deserve this. He lost the best thing to ever come into his life and he will live to regret it." He paused, "Like I do." The next thing I knew he gently, ever so gently kissed my lips. It was the softest kiss I had ever experienced and remembered from out days together that Damarr knew how to kiss. He went into the bathroom to return with a warm face towel which he used on my face. He then cleaned up our dinner mess while I sat in the living room listening to `The Quiet Storm' on the radio. Damarr walked back into the living room and announced that he was going home.
"Thank you," I said getting to my feet. "Thank you for dinner, for listening, for everything. I guess I'm just a mess."
Damarr smiled, "No, no your not."
I wasn't buying that and I guess Damarr knew it. He took my hand again.
"King, I have something to say to you. I want you back."
I can't say that I wasn't prepared for that. "Damarr I just..."
"King, I know that you are going through a rough time and I don't want to take advantage of a situation but I wanted you to know that I want you back. I want us to be together."
"Damarr, this is not the time." I replied.
He smiled, a bit sadly but hopefully. He gave a kiss goodbye and goodnight and he was gone just like that. I locked the door, turned out the lights and sat in the living room as Jill Scott serenaded me with her voice. I thought about Andre, I though about Damarr, I thought about my life and as felt tears stream down my cheeks once again. I was alone again and my heart wouldn't stop hurting.
To Be Continued...
You may contact the author at wyzman34@aol.com