This story is fiction. The city of Clifton, and the University of Clifton, exist only in my imagination. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. These stories have as their main character a sexually active gay college student. If this is offensive to you, or if it is illegal in your area, or if you are under age, please leave now.
This story involves a search for personal acceptance, worth, and meaning. There is a religious element in these stories. If you don't like that, maybe now is a good time to leave.
My stories develop slowly. If you're in a hurry, this is probably not for you.
Thanks to Colin for editing.
Constructive comments are welcome on my e-mail at perti@live.com.
Bryce, Chapter 19 - Nan's Weekend, Part I
The University of Clifton had an academic calendar which offered a full week for spring break in March, but, because of Thanksgiving coming in November, so late in the semester, it divided the fall break. At Thanksgiving, classes ended on Tuesday evening and resumed the following Monday morning, but another half-week was provided earlier in the semester. This was the fall break, which in 2009 began with the end of classes on Friday, October 2nd , and lasted until the resumption of classes on Wednesday morning. Bryce knew his mother expected him to fly home for the break, but he felt he still had too much on his mind to do that, and besides, Damon had nowhere to go. He definitely was not going back to his family in Chicago, and Bryce was not certain how he would be received in Nebraska, even apart from their relationship. He had spoken and written about his friend Damon, but had never mentioned that Damon was black, much less that he was now his boyfriend. When Bryce let his parents know that he had decided to remain in Clifton over the break, claiming the pressure of term papers and examinations, his mother had complained at first, but then had seemed to accept it. Then, last Sunday during their weekly chat, Martha had informed her son that his sister would be paying him a visit the following weekend.
"Nan will arrive at the Clifton airport at 5:46 p.m. on Friday. Now, you be there to meet her, and don't let her stand around in that airport by herself."
"Okay, Mom, but what's this all about?" Bryce asked.
"Just family," Martha said, and for the first time since his arrival in Clifton, she was the one to end the conversation.
There was almost nothing happening on campus. Sigma Alpha Tau had voted on Tuesday to delay the scheduled alternate week party by a week because most of the brothers would be out of town. Consequently, on the Friday at the beginning of fall break, Bryce found himself in the Clifton airport at the arrivals area, awaiting the deplaning of his sister, and free of all obligations. The plane was more or less on time (miraculi dictu), and shortly after touchdown Bryce espied his sibling coming down the corridor, her step as jaunty as ever, and a big smile on her face. The siblings were very alike in physical features, including hair and eye color and skin tone, although Nan was, of course, a smaller person, standing about five foot three. She was every bit as athletic as he, as indicated by the fact that she could have a spring in her step after being encased in an airplane seat for several hours. They embraced and exchanged a light kiss on the cheeks, then went off to the baggage claim area. Naturally, even though Nan would be in Clifton for only a few days, she had a large suitcase to pick up, in addition to her carry-on.
As they awaited the appearance of Nan's luggage, Bryce attempted once again to discover the purpose of her trip. "Um, Sis, I'm real glad you came to visit, but is there some special reason for this trip? I don't recall special visits to Chip or to you during your freshman years."
"Why, Little Brother, the way you talk one would think you're not happy to see me," Nan responded.
Bryce grimaced at the designation "little brother," thinking he knew just how Kyle Sandoval felt the first time they met. He also realized that Nan was avoiding answering his question, and, knowing her, that meant he would simply have to wait until she was ready to tell him. He did find out that she had made arrangements with the local affiliate of her sorority to stay at the house there, so that answered one question. She expected him to take her to dinner, the one thing she had been definite about in her earlier e-mails. Despite her slim figure, Nan ate like the athlete she was. Consequently, Bryce had reservations at El Rincon Latino for the evening. As soon as everything was collected from baggage claim, and stowed in the trunk of his Mustang, they set out for the restaurant.
Arriving, they were greeted by Isobel Sandoval, who was acting as hostess this evening. He greeted her by name, and was greeted in turn. Bryce introduced his sister, "Mrs. Sandoval, this is my sister, Nan, who's visiting."
"Very pleased to meet you, Nan. I hope you enjoy your visit. We're always happy to see Bryce here at El Rincon Latino, and also at Mass on Sunday," Mrs. Sandoval replied.
"Thank you. I'm sure I'll have a fine time. My brother is always so thoughtful," Nan replied, with just a hint of irony.
"Here you are. As you requested, Miguel will be your waiter this evening," Isobel said, as she handed them menus.
"Did you set us up just so Mrs. Sandoval would tell me you go to Mass?" Nan teased her brother.
"No! I told Mom all about St. Boniface. It was only the first Sunday that I had any problems about attending, and I've taken Mom's advice and brought something to read during the sermons," Bryce protested. "If that's why you're here, you can put your doubts to rest. I've been very good."
At that point, Mike appeared to recite his line, "Buenos tardes se¤orita y se¤or. My name is Miguel, and I will be your waiter this evening." Then he added, "And if you believe Bryce has been very good, you're extremely naive."
Nan laughed, while Bryce turned red. "Thanks a lot, old buddy. See if I ask for your table again," he complained.
"I take it you know my brother," Nan said to Mike through her laughter.
"Your brother, is he? You have my deepest sympathy. Bryce and I are in a class together, but more than that, this totally irresponsible reprobate was invited to join my fraternity, but turned us down," Mike informed Nan.
"Oh, you mean the story he gave us about having a choice was not total fiction?" Nan continued to torment Bryce.
"Possibly not, although his choice showed appalling bad taste," Mike declared.
"Are you going to take our drinks order, or just stand around and insult me all evening?" Bryce asked Mike.
"The insulting part sounds good to me," Mike replied, "but, alas, my mother is already giving me the evil eye for spending too much time at one table, so I guess I'd better take your orders."
No sooner had Mike departed than Nan gave Bryce a good idea of why she was there. "All right, I've met Miguel, now where is this Damon character you're so fond of? And, if Curtis is around, I want to meet him, too."
"Curtis and his girlfriend, Maddy, are home in Ohio by now," Bryce replied, trying to avoid talking about Damon.
"So," Nan insisted, "where's Damon. You mention him in every e-mail and every conversation with Mom, so where is your ..." she paused, looked her brother in the eye, and continued "... your boyfriend?"
Bryce's jaw hit the floor. He stared at Nan. He could not form a word, much less a coherent sentence.
Nan laughed. "I wasn't sure, but your reaction removes all doubt. Come on, now. I am absolutely NOT going home until I get to know this guy."
Once he found his voice, Bryce said, "Should have known. Does anyone else know?"
"Not as far as I know. Mom has her suspicions, but she's not as tuned in as I am. So, come on. Where is he?"
Bryce gave a huge sigh. He pulled out his cell phone, and punched in a number. When he was answered, he said, "DuBois, is Damon there? ... Let me talk to him." There was a brief wait. "Damon, do you think you could get DuBois to bring you down to Mike's place? ... Yeah, well, she knows, and she wants to meet you. ... Well, hell, how do you think I feel right now? ... Okay, twenty minutes, or I send out the Mounties. ... Bye." Replacing his cell, Bryce addressed his sister, "There, you heard. Satisfied?"
"Not yet, but I think I will be before the evening is over. However, my plane does not leave until Sunday evening, so you still have to put up with me asking embarrassing questions for two whole days. I assume with a name like Damon, your boyfriend is black?"
"Yep, he is," Mike stated as he set drinks down in front of Nan and Bryce.
"Oh, you know him, too?" Nan concluded. "What's he like?"
"Tell the truth, Mike," Bryce admonished. "And set another place. Damon will be here shortly."
"I don't know. Your reservation was only for two," Mike teased. Turning to Nan, he replied seriously, "Damon's a good guy. A little rough around the edges, maybe. He grew up in public housing in Chicago, but on the whole, a good guy."
"Thanks. It's good to know my brother has decent taste in choosing his ... friends," Nan said.
"Of course. I'm his friend, but not in the same way Damon is," Mike continued to embarrass Bryce. "Oh, you don't happen to speak Spanish, do you?"
"A little. I had it in school, but I'm not fluent," Nan replied, clearly confused by this shift in the conversation.
"Don't try speaking Spanish with Damon," Mike admonished. "I've been working with him, but he still sounds like a dope dealer from the slums of Mexico City."
Nan laughed again. She had a clear, tinkling laughter. "I'll remember that."
Neither Nan nor Bryce was ready to order, having had their attention on other things, so Mike departed briefly. Bryce sat there, staring at his menu but seeing nothing, for some time. Then he concluded, "I think I'm going to be unremittingly embarrassed for the next two days."
"It's good for you," his sister said.
Mike returned and set the additional place for Damon, but smiled at Bryce and Nan, seeing they were not yet ready to order. He tapped Bryce's menu. "The choices are there, not in outer space."
Before they were completely ready to order, Damon appeared. He was hesitant as he approached the table. Nan had her back to the entrance, but she knew he was there by Bryce's reaction, so she turned as Damon approached.
"You must be Damon. Come join us. My brother seems to have completely forgotten his manners. I'm Nan Winslow."
Damon noted the stunned condition of his boyfriend, even before Nan greeted him. With her warm greeting, he broke into a wide grin, and took her proffered hand. "Yeah, I'm Damon. Bryce told me his sister would be visiting, but he tried to keep you a secret from the rest of the world, especially me. As to forgetting his manners, I don't know. I wasn't aware he had any."
Bryce buried his head in his hands. "I can see this is going to be the weekend from hell," he mumbled.
"Ignore him," Nan said. "Here, I've made my selection. Look over this menu. Mike has been back two or three times, and we're never ready to order. Now, I understand you're from Chicago ...," Nan began, and proceeded to find out as much as Bryce did in a month, and all without upsetting Damon. Mike reappeared, and was finally able to take their orders. They continued to talk. Well, Nan and Damon talked, while Bryce just sat there, trying to comprehend what was happening. His sister was, in effect, debriefing his boyfriend, and being oh so polite and friendly about it. What was going on?
As the meal drew to a close, and Mike appeared with the bill, Nan thanked him, told Bryce to give him a generous tip, and said she hoped to see him again soon.
"If you're around on Sunday morning, I'll probably see you at church," Mike responded.
"It's a date," Nan replied, as they rose to leave.
Nan insisted on being taken to Pat's Tavern, which Bryce had mentioned in an e-mail to her. There Nan obviously intended to continue her interrogation, as she asked Damon, "Have you had any experience acting?"
"You mean on stage?" he asked.
"Not necessarily. I mean putting on a believable act, so others don't know the real you."
"Yeah. I did that most of my life," Damon replied.
"Good. You'll need that when you come to visit at Christmas time," Nan said.
"Whoa! What's this?" Damon bridled.
"Well, Bryce can get away with skipping this break, and possibly Thanksgiving, but definitely not Christmas. No way. And from what you say, you really have no place to go, so obviously you'll come home with him. But I don't think my dad or my elder brother are ready to accept a boyfriend. You'll have to pretend to be just a good friend, a fraternity brother," Nan decreed.
"Oh," Damon meekly replied.
"Now look here, Nan," Bryce finally asserted himself. "You can't go around making plans for everyone else. How do you know Damon even wants to come to Nebraska for Christmas?"
"I know because I'm smarter than you, Little Brother. I figured out you and Damon, didn't I? I'll prepare Mom, so that'll be okay, but, like I said, Dad and Chip will just have to be left out of it for now."
"I don't know ..." Bryce began.
"It'll be all right. I promise," his sister said.
"All this is okay by you? I mean, me and Damon?" Bryce finally got around to asking.
Nan got serious. "Bryce, I saw you very nearly ruin your life during your junior year in high school. I knew something was seriously bothering you all last year. I also know that this Professor Dickinson is not the only, or even the main, reason you wanted to get away from home. Now, you have to admit, I have not been bossy or intrusive. [Bryce raised his eyebrows at that, but Nan plunged on.] I let you know I was there, but you chose not to confide in me. Frankly, that kind of hurt me, Bryce. But, even with the deer-in-the-headlights pose you've taken up ever since I mentioned wanting to meet Damon, I can see you're better off than before. Now, will you finally tell me about it?"
And so he did. As the three of them sat there at Pat's for the next several hours, Bryce poured out his heart to his sister, telling her of his struggle to accept his sexuality, and the problems and unanswered questions that brought with it. He reached out and put his hand over Damon's seeking the support he got from physical contact, as he talked. Damon said very little. He had heard most of this before, and he knew this was not the time to tease Bryce. He merely held his hand. Nan asked a question from time to time, but she mostly listened as well. She was especially attentive when Bryce spoke about Maddy Moore and her family, and his fears of rejection. At that point, she took his other hand and held it.
Then, Bryce pulled away.
"Don't pull away. You don't have to feel like that. Mom and I are here for you, and we'll bring Dad and Chip around eventually," Nan said.
Bryce blushed. "It's not that. With you holding one hand, and Damon the other, I don't have a third for my beer," he complained.
After a moment of silence, both Nan and Damon burst out laughing. "I think the idiot will survive," Damon said, "and just to be sure, I'll get the next round."
By the time they left Pat's, Nan had sketched out her plans for the next two days. She intended to put her brother's house in order, at least as much as she could, and prepare a thorough report for their mother.
Bryce did not work out on Saturday morning. Before being dropped off at her sorority house, Nan had decreed that they would both go swimming at nine-thirty, so when he automatically awoke at six, he told himself to go back to sleep, just as he did most Sundays. At a later hour, he met his sister at the cafeteria in the University Center for a light breakfast.
Once they were seated, Nan asked, "Where's Damon this morning?"
"Still asleep, I imagine. I'm not going to get him up when there are no classes to meet," Bryce insisted.
Nan snickered. "I know about your water pistol."
"Geez, did Mom tell you everything?"
"Well, she did send me copies of all your e-mails, but I have to rely on her memory for anything you told her over the phone," Nan admitted.
"I have no secrets left," Bryce bemoaned.
"Oh, I wouldn't say no secrets. If that were the case, I wouldn't be here," his sister replied.
He moaned again.
A little after nine-thirty they turned up at the pool in the Fitness Center. Bryce admitted he had made almost no use of this facility since arriving on campus, despite the fact that he had been on the swim team in high school. He claimed he had been too busy, but Nan merely stared at him. He blushed and amended that to having been lazy as well. Bryce had checked out the times, as the indoor pool was frequently scheduled for team practices. As it turned out, the swim team did have a meet scheduled, even though it was fall break, but it was an away event, so the pool was available for what was listed as 'open swim' on this Saturday morning, and there were only two or three others using the pool. Nan emerged from the women's changing room in a skimpy two piece suit which showed off every anatomical asset she possessed, and there were many. Two guys swimming there that morning certainly noticed. She was quite competitive, so Bryce got plenty of exercise despite missing his normal work-out in the gym.
After more than an hour, Bryce lifted himself out of the water, and sat on the side of the pool, breathing heavily. Nan continued to caper in the water for a few more minutes, ending her swim with a perfect dive. As she swam up to her brother, he smiled. "You really are a good looking woman, Nan," he complimented her.
She blushed. "What? Are you adding incest to your perversions now?" she teased in an effort to cover her embarrassment at the compliment.
"Don't be silly," Bryce admonished her. "Just because I can recognize a good looking woman doesn't mean I want to go to bed with her. I thought we settled that last night."
"So did I, but you caught me off guard. So you still appreciate female attractions, do you?" she said, sitting next to him.
"I do. Let me tell you about Magnus Hirschfeld and his two scales of sexual attraction," Bryce replied, showing off for his sister. After a lengthy account of his researches into psychology, Bryce continued, "So, you see, even though I'm primarily wired to be attracted to other guys, I can still appreciate what I see when you wear a bikini like this or take a dive like that last one."
"Well, thank you, Little Brother," Nan said, kissing Bryce on the nose. "For what it's worth, I think it's a real shame you aren't available for some deserving female. You might not swim much, but those workouts have resulted in a hot body. And Damon's easy on the eyes, too."
"Damon! You've been checking out my boyfriend!" Bryce exclaimed, reaching for her.
Nan evaded him, slipping back into the water. "Of course I have. I'm completely heterosexual, so I do notice good looking male bodies, even if I know they're not available for anything more than looking. Wasn't it you who made that point just a few minutes ago?" Nan said, flicking her brother with water.
He ducked ineffectively.
After a few more moments of swimming, she again emerged from the pool onto the wide border like Venus rising from the sea, fresh and newborn, although there is no reference in the legends of Venus indicating that she splattered her brother with water. Bryce leapt up, and was about to chase Nan, when she pointed to a sign in large letters: NO RUNNING. Laughing, they settled down next to each other on a bench which ran around the side of the room.
"You seem to be in pretty good spirits this morning," Nan said.
"Yeah."
"More comfortable than when you picked me up from the airport yesterday," she continued.
"I had no real idea what was going down when you arrived. Mom was even more cryptic than usual about why you were coming. Frankly, Nan, I was scared stiff that if you or Mom or any of the others found out about me being gay, there would be a real blow-up, like what I told you about. You know, Maddy's brother and all."
"Oh, ye of little faith," Nan commented.
Bryce smiled. "Now that you know and are not rejecting me, one of my most important questions has been answered in my favor. So, naturally I feel pretty good."
Nan leaned over and kissed her brother on the cheek. "You're my brother. I'm not sure how I would feel if you turned out to be a serial killer or a pedophile, but being gay is nothing to be ashamed of. Actually, I have a couple of gay friends at my school, one male and one female. You'll have to meet them some day. They're great kids."
"Just knowing you feel this way takes such a load off my mind, Nan."
"Good. I'm glad you're having a good day. So," Nan said, reverting to a previous topic, "you can still feel some attraction to the female of the species?"
"Yeah, some. But I'm convinced I'm designed to find my true satisfaction with another male. And then, there's what I told you about at Pat's last night. You know, that last time I even thought about making it with a female. I still don't understand what happened there. I mean, I have been able to function with girls before, and ...." Bryce blushed deeply, realizing he was talking to his sister about his sex life.
Nan's lilting laugh rang out. "Maybe it's your soul finally telling you it's had enough pretending."
"My soul?"
"Yeah. You know. That ratty, tattered thing inside which makes you who you are."
"What makes you think my soul is ratty and tattered?' Bryce indignantly asked.
"The fact that it had to give you cold chills and make you throw up," Nan replied. "And the fact that you did not trust your family enough to let us know what was going on inside here," she added, tapping his chest where his heart was located.
"Oh."
"Speaking of your ratty soul, this afternoon I want to check out that Newman Center you complained about."
"Probably be closed during break," Bryce speculated.
"Maybe, but we'll check it out anyway. Now, didn't you say we were meeting Damon for lunch at noon?"
"Yeah, why?"
"It's five after."
"Oh, shit!"
Twenty minutes later, Bryce and Nan appeared in the food court on the basement level of the University Center, to find an irritated Damon seated alone at a table.
"Is this what you call noon?" Damon griped.
"Sorry. We were talking and lost track of the time," Bryce replied.
"Bryce lost track of the time. I had to remind him," Nan boasted.
"Fine boyfriend you are," Damon said, giving Bryce a hard look.
"Have you eaten?" Bryce asked.
"No. I've been sitting here waiting for some people who were supposed to be here nearly a half hour ago."
"Okay, I'll get your lunch. And don't you dare put it down in that little book of yours," Bryce insisted.
Over lunch, Bryce had to explain to Nan about Damon keeping track of everything spent on him. She thought that cute, and kissed Damon on the nose. That discombobulated him entirely, but Bryce merely said, "Don't let it go to your head. She did the same thing to me earlier today."
As lunch progressed, Nan mentioned that she and Bryce would be going by the Newman Center later that afternoon, and asked whether Damon wanted to accompany them.
"Nah, I don't think so. The last Cubs game of the season is this afternoon, and I want to catch it. Besides, I think I've had enough Catholic stuff for a while," he replied.
That led to a discussion of the sermon at St. Boniface two Sundays ago, and Damon's reaction to it. Nan listened sympathetically.
"I'm sorry you had to hear such nonsense," she finally said. "I nearly always get embarrassed when the clergy say anything about sex. What do a bunch of celibates know anyway? If possible, just ignore them. I do."
"How can you say that and still stick with the Catholic Church?" Damon asked. "I asked Bryce the same thing, and all I got was that he had to think about it."
Bryce started to defend himself, but Nan preempted him. "I know. It's a trial. But just remember, the clergy are not the Church. There's a lot more to Catholicism than the bishops and priests, and it's that which keeps me coming back, even if I have to hold my nose on occasion."
"Bryce said something like that, I have to admit," Damon confessed.
"We think alike. After all, we are brother and sister," Nan stated. "What about tomorrow morning?"
"No, not this week. Like I said, I'm kind of pissed off at your Church."
"But I will see you again before I have to leave Sunday evening, won't I," Nan persisted.
"There's still this evening. And you might consider the soup kitchen tomorrow afternoon. With most of the SAT brothers gone for break, we'll be short-handed," Damon replied.
"Oh, yes. Thanks for reminding me. That's something else I wanted to check out. I'll be sure to see you then," Nan promised.