More silliness, straight (cough) ahead. Sorry, just one short chapter right now, but the next is in the works. Please don't read if you have a problem with gay sex. The usual disclaimer applies. That is, this has nothing to do with reality. Okay? Enjoy! -- May
CHAPTER EIGHT
Man, oh man, oh man, oh man. I feel like we have driven around the entire perimeter of Canada in the last week and a half, and really it's just been all around Montreal. But the bus Leon is driving is damn small, and fat-ass Lou is still perving around. I don't know why all of a sudden we're not good enough to stay in crappy hotels any more, but what this basically means is that we have no privacy and we're all majorly getting on each other's nerves. Bone and D aren't talking to each other since D accidentally on purpose smacked Bone on the head with one of Kevin's bar bells. Bone dyed his hair red and Jabba the Slut went ballistic. Oh, and Frack's dorky Uncle Steve just joined us and now Kev is blowing off Frack because he's afraid that Blondie is going to spill the beans to Steve-a-rino and it's all gonna put Kev in the Big House. There's drama everywhere you turn, and we just pulled into a Frenchie fast food place for another nutritious luncheon.
"Okay, boys, go order whatever you like," Jabba said, cramming his chub into a booth. Gee, Thank You, O Most Royal Butt Munch, thou art too too generous. I rolled my eyes and got in line with Kev and D. Bone and Frack were making sure they were in the other line. "They've got poutine here too," D was saying, nudging Kev's arm, but my cuz was looking over at Frack, who was wearing all black yet again and resting his chin on Bone's shoulder while they tried to read the menu. "Yo Rok," D said, since he wasn't getting any reaction from Kev, "check out the weiners." He pointed up to the display. "Super size." "Aww man," I laughed, "that's just wrong. Even the fast food is mocking me." I pushed Kev gently. "Hey cuz, move along. You gotta order for us since you can parlez-vous." "What do you guys want," Kev said, like he was 100 years old. We got our chow and got laughed at by the girls who worked there, and on our way over to the booths Kev kind of bumped into Frack. "Hey," he said real quiet, "we gotta talk." "Leave me alone!" Frack said like he was about to bust out crying, and he hauled ass over to where Steve-a-rino was sitting. "C'mon Kev," I said, "come sit yer ass down with me and let's get this over with."
"I just don't know what to do," Kev was saying, making sure that none of the other guys were watching us. "I haven't had 30 seconds alone with Bun to explain!" "Yeah, I guess that would suck," I said. I was checking out this guy who was wiping off the trays next to the trash can. Man, he was hot! His arms were real muscly. "If he says anything to his uncle... I could go to prison, B." "Hmm, that's bad news, Kev. Bad news." The guy was watching me now. He looked almost Latino, real dark glossy hair, dark eyes, nice lips, kinda stubbly. I could imagine that stubble drifting over my stomach, raising up goosebumps on my skin, brushing the inside of my leg, like sandpaper skimming over my balls... "The bright side is that his uncle seems to be dumber than a brick." "This is true," I nodded, still watching my dream lover. My eyes slid slowly over his crotch, sizing up the folds of his jeans, imagining his uncut dick beginning to tingle, to stiffen, to ask me to suck it, a little glistening pearl of pre-cum taunting me, all raw and pungent tasting. "Rok, are you listening to me?" Kev asked, glaring. "Sorry man," I said. "Yeah, I'm here for ya, bro." I tried to forget that my cock was throbbing in my pants. OK, I really need to get laid.
The girls in Quebec love us! We were signing some autographs after our show today and this chick with big round boobies kept hangin around and hangin around trying to find out where we were staying and all this shit! I was like, "damn, Alex, we gots to get us some poontang." You know, he really needs it, because he's gotta get over this whole thing with Nicky. First off, he's like 10. Second, KFC would totally crush his skull. Third, Nicky's got his freakin uncle on tour with us now. Like we don't have enough to deal with, we got the fucking scout leader from hell. I'm like, yo, you are crampin my style. He's real easy to mess with, though, so I'm kinda toyin with him right now. I can't help it. This girl like, wouldn't leave, and Nicky was just totally staring at her tits. So I leaned over to Scoutmaster Stevie and said, "yo, do you think it's appropriate for Nick to be looking at her breastesses?" Alex heard me and he turned real red because he was trying not to laugh. Steve kind of smiled and was like, "well, I'll have to have a little talk with him later." "I've noticed he's been mackin on a lot of these girls," I said very seriously. "I just don't want it to affect our performances, you know, as a group." Alex coughed and covered his face with both hands. "Are you okay, bro?" I asked. "Do you need some water?"
On our way back to the bus, I put my arm around A's shoulders. "You are such a fuck," he said, still laughing, "that was hella funny." "Seriously," I said, "let's go out tonight, you and me. We've been hanging out with these fairy princes too much." "Okay, cool. Since I know I won't get to spend any time with Kaos." "Man, I told you, stay away from him! You had your special moment with him. That's all you're gonna get." "Don't be like that," A.J. said. "What?" "Let's just not talk about it, okay?" he said. I just rolled my eyes. "He's stuck with his uncle anyway," A.J. said. "So it's moot." "Right, that's just what I was gonna say it was," I replied. That's Alex for ya, always some weird-ass word nobody else would say. We got on the bus and I started running through all my outfits in my mind deciding on what makes me look finest.
I stood under the water for a while, just thinking. I don't know how things got this way. My heart hurts all the time, and when I see Boo, I feel like somebody is grabbing my heart and pinching it real hard. I wrote a poem about it today, and I folded it up real small, like ten times, and I'm going to always have it in my pocket until we can be together again. Of course, right now my pants are on the floor since I'm in the shower. But you know what I mean. I know that because Steve is here, me and Boo have to be careful. "Nobody will understand our love." I know all about it! I'm not a little kid. Why does everybody treat me like I'm so stupid? Even Boo. I'm mad at him right now. But I miss him too. If he came in here right now, I would kiss him so much. I pretended to kiss him, on the tiles, and I ran my hands on my body like he would touch me. Steve is in the other room so I said super quiet, I love you Boo. I love you too, I said back. I'm all clean already but I stayed in the shower. I used some more of the soap and made it into lather on myself. I pretended it was Boo's stuff on my stomach. I love you so much, baby, I whispered. I need you so bad. I love you too, he said back (well not really, you know, I'm pretending). I took one of the little shampoo bottles and I sucked on it, even though it's too small to be Boo's, and when it was covered with spit I slid it into me, I put one foot up on the edge and I pretended I was making love with Boo... It felt really good and it didn't take me very long before I "finished." I dried off and got into my pajamas and when I went back into the other room Steve was sitting on the bed and he looked kind of mad.
"What's up?" I said, and I put my pile of clothes on top of the other big pile of clothes. "Nicky," he said, "we need to talk." "Um, okay, yeah?" I tried to act casual and I sat in the armchair. But really, I was so nervous. "Well, I found something you drew," he said, and Steve showed me this cartoon I made a couple weeks ago. It's about me and Boo, and I'm like Luke Skywalker and he's Han Solo. Except he's much nicer to me than Han is to Luke, if you have seen the Star Wars movies. Anyway, in that one he had I got captured by these aliens on Planet Fangor (I made that up) and Boo rescued me. "What?" I said. I got mad. "Why are you going through my stuff?" I said real loud. "You have no right to do that!" "Nicky, I was trying to clean up," Steve said. "Your room is really messy." "That's not fair," I said. "I wouldn't go through YOUR stuff!" It's true, I wouldn't! Steve put his hands up in the air like "you got me." "I'm sorry, Nicky," he said. "You're right. Uncle Steve was wrong. And I gotta say, your mom was right as always. You are a very talented artist." "Oh ... Well, thank you." "But I think it's time we had a little chat about a few things." "Like about what?"
"How do I say this," Steve said, putting his fingers together. "Am I in trouble?" I asked. "No, no, of course not. And don't worry, I won't tell your mom about that cartoon." I turned red. I never even thought about him doing that! That would be so wrong! "I just think you're at a certain age where you might start to have ... feelings ... that you don't know how to deal with." I just stared at him. "Huh?" "And maybe those feelings could get confusing. And scary." "What feelings?" I had no idea what he was talking about. "Can I have a coke?" "Nicky, you won't sleep if you have a coke now. You can have a Diet Sprite, though. We have plenty of those." I made a face. Only Uncle Steve likes Diet Crap. But since I was dying of thirst, I got one out of the mini fridge. Steve waited for me to sit down again. He looked real uncomfortable, like he was sitting on a huge ... I took a big ol' drink of Diet Yuck so I wouldn't laugh. I can't imagine Steve making love with anybody!!! He probably just needs to go to the bathroom. "Nick, I want you to go ahead and ask me any questions that you have," Steve said. "About what?" "Well, about sexuality." "What??" I turned SO red and Steve did too! "Nicky, I ... I just feel it's my duty since your father isn't here with you ... I don't want you to feel like there is something wrong with you for having those feelings." I couldn't even say anything. My mouth was just hanging open. "Do you know what an erection is?" Steve asked. "Or how girls get pregnant? It's okay, Nick. Don't be shy ... You can ask me anything. And if you want, we can even look at some magazines I have. The pictures should show you how things, uh... fit together." Oh my God, I think aliens came from outer space and replaced my Uncle Steve !!!