Cade's Way

This story involves two teenage (15/16yo) boys at the beginning of a romantic relationship. A number of scenes include sexual content inappropriate for younger readers, so if that's you, or if you suspect that local laws prohibit you from reading stories like this, then don't read any further.

After the introductory chapter, this story is mostly dialog-driven, with only occasional bouts of friskiness, so anyone looking for lots of 'action' will probably want to look elsewhere, too. Otherwise, enjoy -- and if the story holds your interest, maybe let me know what you think? (Well, unless you think it sucks, in which case I'm probably good not knowing that:~)

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Cade's Way

1 : Intro

As he sped down the highway with his shirt off and his shades on in his brand new dark blue Jeep with the top and doors off and his bare legs and chest catching the afternoon sun, Cade turned up the volume until the music was loud enough that the wind couldn't blow any of it away before it reached his ears. He loved the jeep, a 16th-birthday present from his grandparents, and he felt free when he flew down the road in it, as if whatever was weighing on him in the back of his mind couldn't keep up with him out there, in full flight down an open road as the music filled his head. But once he slowed down at the speed trap and lowered the volume and drove back into town, that feeling of freedom just faded away.

It was such an ordinary town, but it was his, and that meant that everyone thought they knew him, and had their own fixed idea of who he was, like a straightjacket that defined him as inescapably as if it had all been true, and he really was the person they thought he was. He was familiar to them in the same way that they were familiar to him, and that just reinforced all their misconceptions.

As he drove through town, everything looked worn out, or run down, or left behind, but he couldn't help feeling a certain nostalgia for it all, even though it wasn't part of his past yet, the way that his childhood was. The waitress at the diner had served him ice cream when he was barely able to walk, so there was no way to persuade her that she didn't know him as well as she thought, and it would have been unkind to try. The kids he had grown up with had watched him the whole time, too, every step of the way, as the little kid with the ice cream cone became the mildly conceited shirtless teen who drove by in the blue jeep.

At the stoplights, people looked at him. He wasn't as conceited as they thought he was, but he wasn't completely oblivious, either, and he knew that he turned heads. He ran and swam and worked out and played a lot of tennis, and he knew that his legs looked good in the shorts he was wearing, and that his smooth, tanned, sculpted bare torso caught people's eyes. His dark medium-length hair had a slight wave in it that made it start to curl out a bit where it met his ears, and the few strands of it that fell down over his forehead called attention to his dark brown eyes and implausibly handsome face.

When he looked in the mirror, he could see some of that, but for some reason, it was only when he had shades on that he saw himself from the outside in, the way other people saw him, and conceded that he looked good, even if his own looks were never as striking to him as they were to everyone else. The rest of the time, without the shades on, he just saw someone he already knew as well as he wanted to, and was tired of looking at.

He knew that he was lucky, and he even felt lucky at times, but still, somewhere in the back of his mind, he was always waiting for something else, even if he couldn't have given it a name. He'd had the usual teenage experiences, whether it was cramped, awkward sex in the back seat of a car or getting drunk out at the lake, or trying not to cough too much the first few times the weed came his way. He'd looked at girls and he'd looked at guys, and felt something like desire, or longing, or that feeling he didn't have a name for because no one else seemed to talk about it or know what it was. But it had never happened to him, whatever it was he was waiting for. The life he was living had never really been his. He was always borrowing a little piece of someone else's desire, or reading it in other people's eyes, without ever being sure that he would find it for himself.

And now that it was finally happening to him, Cade didn't understand it at all. He had waited for it so long, but he wasn't expecting it to take this particular form. The kid was a year younger, still a Freshman, and hadn't really filled out yet, so there wasn't much to him, but that didn't seem to matter, because what there was of him was just right. He was the new kid in a town that never saw anything new, and that alone made him stand out, but Cade's eyes were drawn to him in a way that they had never been drawn to anyone else, and he picked the kid out of the crowd in the halls or auditorium as easily as if no one else had been there.

The new boy was almost a head shorter than Cade, and slim, with coppery hair that was burnished gold on top, so the copper was almost lost in it, and only appeared where it peeked out from under the top layer of hair and around the roots that hadn't seen much sun yet. His hair wasn't that long, but it looked longer than it was because of the way it was cut, just trimmed at the ends without cutting any of it short, and left long enough in front that it fell down over the bridge of his nose until it was swept aside.

The boy's face was so ordinary, with fine regular features, hazel eyes, and lightly tanned skin, but something about it, or the way that this ordinary face was framed by the gold fringes of hair and lit up by his quick bright smile, caught Cade's eye and probed his heart in a way that baffled him, even though boys had occasionally caught his eye, and he had crushed on a few boys before. It had been a while since that had happened, so he had assumed that he was over that, whatever it was, but apparently that wasn't so.

Cade had been aware of the boy's presence from the first day he appeared at school, in the middle of the school year, but apart from the few times that their eyes had met in the hall, the first interaction Cade had with the kid was when the short, stocky bully Jarred Hammond had backed the new boy up against the lockers, and was giving him a hard time about something, while the kid just looked Jarred in the eye without really responding as he tried to fend him off with a raised elbow.

Cade had set his foot down behind both of Jarred's and jerked the stocky boy back over it as hard as he could and then broken his fall to some extent as he let him slam down on his ass in the crowded hallway before he knew what had happened to him.

"Oh, Jarred, sorry, didn't know it was you. Don't mess with the new guy, okay? It's not nice."

Then Cade had bounced up again and smiled at the kid, who hadn't moved an inch.

"Hey, you alright?"

The kid nodded and looked up at Cade a bit uncertainly, as if he wasn't sure what was supposed to happen next. Meanwhile Jarred cursed under his breath as he got to his feet and glowered at Cade for a moment and then limped off down the hall with his hand massaging his bruised tailbone.

"Don't let Jarred get to you. He's our token asshole. In case you hadn't noticed."

"Yeah, I noticed."

"Was it the smell? Or the deep conversation?"

When the kid smiled, it lit up his whole face, and Cade couldn't believe how dazzling it was.

"A little of both."

"Let me know if he bothers you again. Jarred and I go way back, and ever since I beat him up in 5th grade, he doesn't like to mess with me."

"So he was like that in 5th grade, too?"

"He was already an asshole, but not a full-blown asshole. He cried really easily, so I felt kind of bad after I beat him up. Of course, I got in trouble and he didn't, because he was the one with the bloody nose, even though he was the bully and I was the good guy."

The boy smiled at him again, and once again Cade was entranced by the way the smile transformed the boy's face.

"I guess that doesn't surprise me. I mean ... you being the good guy."

Cade cocked his head slightly, as he smiled back at the kid and tried to figure him out.

"Appearances can be deceiving, though, right?"

The boy didn't bat an eye.

"Not really."

They just looked at each other for a long moment, as Cade looked down into those hazel eyes, and realized that they weren't like anyone else's, and that he liked to look at them as much as he liked to look at the boy's face. The eyes looked like they were hoping for something from him, and Cade suddenly wished he knew what it was, so he could give the kid whatever it was he was hoping for.

"I'm Cade, by the way. I've seen you around lately, and I was wondering when we'd meet."

"Yeah, I'm Mitchell."

"You're the new guy on the track team, right?"

The boy nodded.

"I hear you're pretty fast."

The kid shrugged, as if he didn't have an opinion one way or another.

"I guess."

"Not about to confirm or deny, huh?"

"It kind of depends on what you mean. I'm faster than the other guy in my spot, but not fast enough to place at State."

"Still, that's pretty good when you're a Freshman. You'll only get better."

"Yeah, maybe."

"That's what I tell myself, anyway. I mean, I can dream, right?"

Mitchell smirked at him and nodded.

"Yeah, we can all dream."

"What do you have next?"

The boy seemed to think for a moment.

"Spanish?"

"Could be worse."

He made a face, and somehow looked even cuter to Cade, as if there wasn't any way to arrange his features that wouldn't be cute.

"Yeah, but not much. The teacher at my old school didn't actually speak Spanish, so I'm way behind."

Just then, the bell rang. They looked at each other for a moment without saying anything, and then Cade reached out and touched the boy's arm with the ends of his fingers and smiled at him.

"Well. Better get to class, right?"

"Right."

"See you around, Mitchell."

"Yeah, see you. Thanks. I mean, for ... you know."

The boy looked like he, too, was unsure of what to say, but didn't really want the conversation to end.

Cade winked, without being sure why he was doing it, and then headed the other way down the hall.

Later on, he found himself replaying the conversation in his head, and wondering why he had winked at the kid, and why he had to try so hard not to flirt with him, and why every nerve in his body had been firing off randomly while he stood so close to him and talked to him in the noisy hall, as the crowd of passersby jostled them together every few seconds. Each time it happened, Cade had smelled the boy's hair, and it had been almost intoxicating, so that he had to restrain himself from leaning over and burying his nose in it and inhaling like a crack addict.

Even before that, Cade had been very aware of Mitchell's presence, before he even knew his name, and he had gone out of his way to make sure that he passed the younger boy's locker on his own way to class, but he hadn't said anything to him, even when their eyes occasionally met and seemed to acknowledge each other. After the incident with Jarred Hammond, they started saying hi and stopping to chat for a minute or two when they saw each other, but it wasn't enough for Cade, and as he looked into the boy's eyes, Cade somehow sensed that he might not be the only one who wanted more.

Since they didn't have any classes in common, and the kid was still a Freshman, and had arrived more than halfway through the school year,the few people Cade mentioned him to didn't seem to know any more than Cade did. He was just the new kid on the track team. Cade didn't want to ask his friend Jessica what she knew, because he felt self-conscious about his interest in the boy. It wasn't a casual interest, and he didn't have a good explanation for it, apart from the fact that he felt an attraction.

Cade had grown up with all the other kids he went to school with, and back in elementary school and middle school, he had crushed on a few boys, and had been persuaded to fool around with a few others under the influence of puberty, but he had never initiated anything with anyone or fooled around with the ones he crushed on, and eventually they became just guys he used to have a crush on for reasons that escaped him now. There was nothing sexual about his crushes, and he hadn't ever fantasized about having sex with boys, so he hadn't really understood that he might be gay, or whatever it was that he was.

In Middle School, Cade had just been going through the motions with girls, because that's what everyone expected him to do, and it didn't involve much effort on his part. He had gone to movies with girls, and held hands with them, and kissed them, and danced with them, and had periodically been roped into what passed for a relationship at that age, but it was all for show. He'd never been into kissing, and that was what the girls in his grade had mostly wanted to do in Middle School, so he had gone along with it without feeling anything himself, unless one of them put her hands on his butt or pressed up against his crotch at the right angle to give him an erection.

Once he started High School, though, Cade was the only Freshman on two different Varsity teams, tennis and swimming, so his older teammates had invited him to their parties and introduced him to their friends, and it wasn't long before he began to go to the lake parties on the weekend. The first time he found himself naked in the back seat of someone's car with his wet swim suit around his knees and his dick in an older girl's pussy, everything had gone surprisingly well, and since someone had opened the door briefly and seen his pale bare ass humping up and down under the sudden bright illumination of the dome light on the roof of the car, he had started off High School at 14 with a reputation for being a little ahead of the curve where sex was concerned.

He wasn't really like that, though. He had Jessica, who was a good friend, always ready to bring him down to earth, and when they had briefly dated, she had quickly realized that his heart wasn't in it and decided that they were better off as friends, which was a relief to him, since he wasn't attracted to her. It wasn't that she wasn't attractive, it was that she was almost like a sister to him, and unlike the older girls he met at the lake parties, she wasn't trying to get him naked and have sex with him, which was the only thing that excited him when he was with a girl, because he wasn't excited by the girls themselves, just the idea of being naked and having sex.

They still ate lunch together every day, though, and evidently Jessica had noticed him watching the new kid a few tables away. She was quiet while they ate, and after the conversation died out, Cade's eyes kept wandering back to the boy, and as he looked at him every so often throughout lunch, inevitably one time he forgot to look away soon enough, and when he eventually looked back at her, Jessica was staring at him with a strange look on her face, as if she knew.

"His name's Mitchell. In case you didn't know."

"Huh?"

"The new kid. The one you can't seem to keep your eyes off of."

His jaw dropped open, and he started to blush.

"What?"

She reached out and patted his hand, as though she was dealing with a child whose lies were so transparent that anyone could see through them.

"Call me after practice, Cade. I have to get to class, but we need to discuss this, before there's more to discuss. Just so you know, you're being really obvious about it, and if you're not careful, one of your many admirers will eventually notice who you're admiring."

The rest of the school day, Cade felt uneasy, wondering how much Jessica knew, but then there wasn't really much for her to know. He had some kind of attraction to a boy, not for the first time, and there was no reason to be worried about it this time, except that this time felt different. The sex he had had with girls hadn't prevented him from feeling whatever he was feeling for this boy, and even if the feelings weren't exactly sexual, they were still feelings he knew that he should have felt for a girl, not for a boy, and he had never felt that way about a girl. The fact that Jessica had picked up on it so quickly made him wonder who else might be able to do that, and he felt uncomfortably exposed each time he stopped and talked to Mitchell in the hall between classes, but each time it happened, he got lost in the boy's eyes again, and forgot about everything else for a minute or two until it was time to go their separate ways.

2

When he called Jessica from home after practice, she cut straight to the chase.

"Listen to me carefully, Cade. Just because you had sex with some cheerleaders and got a reputation as a slick little stud last year doesn't mean you can't be gay. I think you should get to know this kid. I just heard a rumor that he might be gay too, and if that's true, I bet he would be thrilled to know that the most gorgeous guy he's ever seen in his life is interested in him. But you need to let him know that, because unless you tell him, he won't have any idea that you're gay, let alone interested in him."

"What are you talking about? I'm not gay. Or if I am gay, it's not the normal kind of gay. Whatever that is."

"At least you're not in complete denial."

"I'm not in denial at all."

"So you admit you've been lusting after him?"

"Not exactly. I've just...kind of been looking at him."

"And what do you see when you look at him?"

"I guess ... he just looks ... I know it sounds weird, but to me he looks beautiful. Don't you think he's beautiful?"

"I just see an ordinary kid with really good hair."

"He's only a year younger than us."

"I know, but he looks younger than that, and guys don't all grow up at the same rate or the same age, so obviously he's a little behind the curve. I just don't get what you see in him, because he's not exactly hot, and he definitely isn't ripped or shredded or whatever you guys call it when you're trying to complement each other without sounding gay. I mean, yeah, he's cute enough, if that's what you're seeing."

"Yeah, I know he's cute, too, but the kind of cute he is looks ... beautiful to me, and that's what I see when I look at him. I just ... love the way he looks."

"Damn, Cade, you must really have a crush on him. You're so ... hooked. And it's totally adorable, by the way. Maybe even more so because he's not particularly hot, just kind of a random boy who's cute enough to catch your eye. I seriously wish you weren't gay. I'd totally rethink going out with you if you had ever looked at me the way you look at him, or talked about me this way."

"What way?"

"Like you're totally falling for him, and you don't even realize it because it's never happened to you before."

"It's ... it's happened to me before. Just not for a while."

"Seriously? With other boys?"

"Yeah. I mean, it wasn't sexual, but still. I don't even know if this is sexual for sure. I just ... kind of did crush on a few boys ... mostly like back in 6th and 7th grade ... but never in a sexual way. It was ... I don't know ... maybe romantic, I guess. Except I don't think it was even romantic, because I didn't want to hold hands with them or kiss them either."

"So what did you want to do with them?"

"I just ... wanted to be near them, and maybe sleep with them and wrestle with them and ... walk around with them and be alone with them and ... do stuff with them. And take showers with them and ... be close to them ... like best friends, I guess but ... probably more than that."

"Just think about this really hard before you answer, Cade. Have you ever felt that way about a girl? Even one time?"

He didn't have to think too long.

"No, I never felt that way with girls. The girls I had sex with always initiated it, and they were just using me to get themselves off, so I didn't feel bad about using them the same way. I couldn't do that with you, because you're my best friend, and you had feelings for me that those older girls didn't have. But I've never crushed on a girl the way I crushed on a few boys back in Middle School, and even before that, when I was a little kid."

"You're definitely gay, Cade. You must have just repressed the sexual part of it somehow."

"I've never wanted to have sex with a guy, though, and when I've thought about it at all, the idea kind of grossed me out."

"That's like ... textbook repression."

"What does that mean? Not everybody's mom is a psychologist."

"It means that if you thought about it, it's because part of you wanted it, and if you felt disgusted by it, it's because part of you was afraid of it and trying to repress it to keep yourself from wanting it."

"Ok, whatever. But I'm not ... the normal kind of gay guy, or I would want to have sex with other guys. By definition, right?"

"So do you like to look at guys naked?"

Cade was quiet again.

"Yeah, I guess, some guys, sure."

"Which ones?"

"Why would I tell you that? That would be like handing you a loaded gun you would hold over me for the rest of my life."

"Oh come on, you know me better than that. Eventually I would get tired of holding it over your head, and find something else to use on you."

"Exactly."

"So what parts of a guy do you like to look at when he's naked? I mean, what are you looking for? Are you checking out dicks, or what?"

"I'm definitely not interested in guys' dicks, at least not in that way. Like a dick pic doesn't even slightly interest me. I might check out a guy's dick just to see how big it is, or whatever, but not because I like looking at dicks. My eyes aren't drawn to that at all when I look at a guy, like in the locker room or whatever."

"Then what are you looking at?"

"I guess just maybe his body as a whole, starting with his face and his overall shape, and that's what sometimes looks good to me, and then I might check out his butt specifically, and sometimes that looks good to me too."

"So butts way more than dicks, then?"

"Yeah, sure. It's not that simple, but whatever. Some guys have really cute butts, when they're not all ugly and gross, or so skinny they're not even there."

"That sounds like if you were having sex with a guy, you would be the top."

"That's a nice theory, except that I wouldn't be having sex with a guy, except in your theory."

"Okay. Just tell me this. Do the guys you like to look at naked look more like this kid, or more like, say... Wyatt?"

"I guess somewhere in between, but definitely way closer to him than to Wyatt. I like looking at guys who are slim but athletic, not too thin, with well-defined muscles that aren't too big, and definitely guys with smooth chests and not too much body hair, not hairy apes like Wyatt."

"Wyatt is hot, though."

"If that's what you like, what did you ever see in me?"

"You're hot, too, Cade, just not in the same way. And you have exactly the kind of body you say you like to look at when you're looking at other guys. Plus you're way better-looking than Wyatt or any other guy at school ... including this scrawny kid."

"I don't get why you're so hung up on how young he looks or his size or whatever. He's only like a year younger than me, and he's not that much smaller than me."

"I'll have to take your word for that until I have verification."

"Haha."

"He's at least six inches shorter than you, because he's at least four inches shorter than me."

"Whatever. So he's short, he's only 15, who cares? Maybe to everyone else, he's just cute, but to me he's ... beautiful, and I just ... really like to look at him ... whatever that means."

"But he's not the kind of guy you normally like to look at when you guys are naked, right?"

Cade thought about it for a moment.

"Not exactly. I mean ... I've only seen him in the halls with his clothes on, but at least his upper body looks fairly thin, without much muscle in his arms. But I'm not really looking at his body when I look at him."

"So what are you looking at when you look at him?"

"Just ... his face, his eyes, his hair, his smile. That's what looks good to me, because that's what I see."

"But do you want to see him naked?"

He was silent for a moment, as if the idea had never occurred to him.

"Yeah. Now that I think about it, I really do. Shit, I would love to see him naked. Just because it's him, and he's so beautiful."

"But you normally like to look at guys who are more muscular than him, right? I mean, slim but well-built jocks like you."

"So now you're saying I'm in love with myself? He doesn't look anything like me."

"I know. But the guys you say you normally like to look at sound exactly like you. And he looks like a younger, smaller version of that, who just hasn't quite developed yet, and maybe hasn't ever worked out and tried to get more muscles like you've been doing so diligently for the last few years. Which now that I think about it, is both a totally normal guy thing, and at the same time, sort of gay."

"What's your point?"

"Maybe you're one of those guys who wants to kind of be ... bigger and stronger than the one you're with, so you can ... protect him or something. And since you yourself are naturally slim, not a big burly muscle-bound guy like Wyatt, you're attracted to guys like this kid, who's smaller and less developed than you, and might need your protection."

Cade was quiet again.

"Yeah, I kind of do feel that way about him. I mean, I don't really know him, and for all I know he's like a martial artist, and can kick my ass, but I kind of doubt it, based on my first interaction with him, and that time, I felt very protective of him. And so far, that's the one thing you've said that's made sense."

"See. Was that so hard to admit?"

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"I'm just trying to help you figure this out. I mean, clearly you're very confused."

"You're just confusing me even more."

"Okay. Then what do you want to do about it?"

"About what?"

"About your crush, or whatever we're calling it now."

"I guess I want to ... spend time with him and get to know him, and ...."

"Yeah, of course, but what do you want to do with him when you're actually with him? I mean if you could do anything you wanted with him, and he wanted the same things, what would you do with him physically that first time you were with him?"

"I think I would just ... want to be with him and look at him and talk to him and ... maybe if all goes well ... hold him close and ... kind of nuzzle him and ... shit, I don't know ... smell him, I guess."

She snorted as she tried not to laugh.

"Smell him?"

"Don't laugh! Or we're done talking about it."

"No! No! I'm sorry, it's just... unexpected. I was thinking more along the lines of ... you know, making out with him or something, not ... smelling him."

"When I talked to him in the hall the first time, it was really crowded, and people kept bumping into me and pushing me against him, and maybe because he's shorter than me, I kept having this urge to just ... lean over and smell his hair. I mean, I could smell it, with his shampoo, and it was driving me crazy. I really wanted to just bury my nose in his hair and inhale it."

"And you don't think that's sexual?"

"Not unless I'm an aroma-sexual. I've never even heard of that."

"It's like the most basic kind of sexual attraction there is. Haven't you heard of pheromones?"

"Phera-what?"

"Pheromones. We learned about them in Sex Ed in Middle School. Obviously you weren't paying attention that day. Or maybe you were just too distracted by the pheromones of the cute boy sitting next to you."

"It's not funny."

"Sorry Cade, but funny is exactly what this is. You've had sex with those cheerleaders, but you don't even realize it when you're feeling attracted to someone and falling in love with him."

"I can't be in love with him. I barely know him."

"So what do you plan to do about that?"

He sighed.

"I don't know."

"Oh come on, Cade, it's not rocket science. You'll figure out a way to spend more time with him and make him fall for you the way you always do with girls you're not actually attracted to, only this time there will be something at stake for you too."

"But what if he's not gay or ... not attracted to me?"

"Welcome to our world, Cade. That's how it is for the rest of us who don't walk around leaving a trail of broken hearts and longing gazes wherever we go. Trust me, you get used to it, and it makes things ... interesting."

Cade didn't say anything for a moment. He knew that Jessica thought that he was too good-looking for his own good, and that it made him oblivious to other people's reality, because he was so used to everyone falling all over themselves to try to get his attention and give him whatever he wanted. At first he had tried to deny it, and every time he went somewhere with her, she would point out examples, so eventually he stopped arguing with her about it, but it still made him feel guilty.

"I never meant to hurt you, Jessica. I really care about you."

"I know you do, Cade. That's what's ... even more frustrating. But I still love you, like a brother, and like a very hot confused gay guy I will never ever get naked with in the back seat of a car."

"You're never gonna let me live that down, are you?"

"Sorry, but no. I mean, there are pictures and videos, right? How can we forget?"

"What exactly did you see?"

"I've never seen them, because people know you and I are close, but one of Cindy's friends told me about them, and she said your butt was blindingly white, and looked perfectly formed. Or it would have looked perfectly formed if it wasn't such a blur, humping up and down."

"Okay, I already know about that one, and I don't want to hear more."

"Yeah, good call."

"Look, I know you're trying to help, but ...."

"Trying to help? I'm helping your blurry ass so much you don't even realize you've been helped. As I recall, at the beginning of this conversation, you weren't actually gay, you had no idea why you couldn't keep your eyes off this boy, you hadn't realized that you wanted to see him naked, and you had never heard of pheromones, even though they were obviously influencing you more than you could ever have imagined."

"Okay, okay. So you helped me. Pat yourself on the back."

"You can thank me later, after you go ... do whatever his pheromones are telling you to do."

"His pheromones are telling me to hang up on you before I say something we both regret."

"Very funny. I think we both know that won't hap-"

Afterwards, Cade lay there on his bed and looked up at the ceiling and thought about what he wanted, and whether it meant that he was gay. The more he thought about it, though, the more he kept wondering if Mitchell was really gay, and what Mitchell would want if he was. If the rumor was true, and Mitchell wasn't already in a relationship, then Cade just needed to show Mitchell that he was interested in him in that way, and his chances might be pretty good, as Jessica had pointed out. But the chances for what? And did he even want that himself, even if Mitchell wanted it?

The strange thing was that even though Cade didn't know exactly what he wanted, or what it would mean for him, he knew that he wanted it. He wanted something. He'd been wanting it all along, ever since he first laid eyes on the boy, and now that Jessica had made him acknowledge it, the possibility suddenly seemed real to him, and he wanted it even more.

The question of whether that meant that he was gay or not somehow didn't seem all that important. If he got what he wanted, everyone else would think that he was gay, just for wanting it, so it might as well be true. As long as he could be close to Mitchell, whatever that meant, he didn't care what people called it, and if wanting to be with Mitchell meant that he was gay, then he wanted that, too. It all seemed to fit together in a way that nothing else ever had, and he felt a sudden surge of happiness at the thought of just having his arms around Mitchell and being able to show the boy how he felt about him.

It suddenly seemed like the most amazing stroke of luck that the boy he was crushing on might be gay, and the possibility that that might be true, and that if it turned out to be true, it could change his own life, made him realize that if he wanted it to be true, then he must be gay, too, and that if he really wanted to be with Mitchell, then he needed to commit himself to that and go after it with everything he had, and make sure that he didn't let the chance slip away.

The first thing he had to do was to find a way to spend time with the boy he was interested in, and try to figure out if the boy was interested in him in that way, too, or just as a friend. He knew that he'd seen interest in the kid's eyes whenever they talked, but he couldn't be sure what kind of interest it was. Almost everyone Cade talked to looked at him with interest, even his coaches, and old gray-haired ladies like his Chemistry teacher, so interest alone didn't give him anything to go on. What was different with this kid was that Cade felt something drawing them together, like an insistent magnetic force, but he wasn't sure if the kid felt it too, or if it was just Cade who felt the attraction.

3

The next day, he kept an eye out for Mitchell in the halls, and when he saw him, he made sure not to wink at him, because he didn't want the kid to think he was weird. Each time they saw each other, they chatted for a few minutes in the hall as usual, and then went their separate ways, and each time Cade felt the same things as before, but even more strongly, now that he was more aware of what he was feeling. And even though nothing really happened, it meant everything to him.

His heart beat faster the moment he glimpsed the boy walking down the hall towards him, and when their eyes met, and they smiled, the boy's smile struck Cade with an unexpected force that almost pained him, like a light that was too bright. While they stood there and talked to each other on the margin of the steady stream of students passing by them, they somehow ended up standing closer together again, and the magnetic pull became even stronger.

And as those hazel eyes looked up into Cade's, Cade inhaled and picked up the ordinary notes of fresh-scented boy and soap and shampoo and laundry detergent coming from the kid's clothes and hair and skin, and felt the same urges he had felt before, only even stronger this time. The desire to run his hand through the shock of gold hair that fell over the boy's forehead, or to lean down and nuzzle the boy's hair or cheek or ear or neck, was so strong that he almost felt himself doing it, even though it was all in his head, and he had to blink to push the image, or impulse, away, before he surrendered to it without realizing what he was doing.

After school let out, and then an hour of tennis practice and a quick shower, Cade went back inside the main building instead of heading straight to his jeep, and he managed to catch sight of Mitchell on the way out of school. Cade had just finished showering, while Mitchell was still sweaty from a run, but they were both wearing shorts and tank tops, and for some reason that made Cade look at the kid differently.

It was more of the boy than he'd seen before, and the view mesmerized him. As he walked behind Mitchell and watched him wait to exit the building, Cade found his eyes drawn to the soft dark slightly curved crevices formed by the little vertical folds of skin trapped between each bare arm and the boy's bare shoulders, and for some reason, those little crevices struck Cade as both irresistibly cute and fascinatingly sexy, like little twin butt cracks.

As he ran his eyes over Mitchell's body, Cade felt the first stirrings of interest that seemed distinctly erotic. The boy's skin was luminous, and so smooth that only a few fine light gold hairs could be made out on his legs, and, as he raised his arms and pushed open the door, a few more that amounted to a light brown tuft under each arm. His skin was still beaded with sweat, and for some reason that made him even more attractive to Cade. The kid was lean, but not too skinny, and in great shape. The tank top and running shorts he was wearing left his arms and surprisingly strong-looking legs completely bare, and while his upper body wasn't really developed, his body fat was low enough to show the sharply defined cuts and contours of his deltoid muscles, even though they were compact enough to fit in the palm of Cade's hand.

When he caught up with him, Cade reached out and touched the boy's bare shoulder, and felt a brief little shock of energy pass between them before the boy spun around and looked up at him and broke into a bright smile.

"Hey Mitchell, what's up?"

"Oh hey! Just track."

"Nice. You doing okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay."

"You guys must get out the same time we do. You need a ride home?"

"Uh, yeah ... I could use one. I live on Circle, is that on your way?"

"Not too far off. I can drop you off, if you don't mind taking a ride from a stranger."

The boy smiled, and once again the smile lit up his face in a way that dazzled Cade.

"Okay. Just don't offer me any candy, or the deal's off."

"I'm fresh out of candy, but I have a granola bar."

He felt around in his bag and took it out and waved it at the kid in a tempting way.

"That's like... even worse than candy. It's good for you."

"I know. That's why I offered."

Cade ripped it open and divided it in two, and they each popped half in their mouth and chewed noisily as they made their way over to Cade's Jeep.

"Thanks. Granola bars always make me ... really thirsty though."

"We can work something out. Just buckle up and try not to panic if anything goes wrong."

After a few blocks, Cade turned and looked at Mitchell.

"Still thirsty?"

"Yeah."

"You like grapefruit?"

"Yeah, sure."

Cade swung the jeep into the drive-through they were about to pass and chirped to a stop in front of the speaker.

"Two grapefruit slushes to go."

The speaker crackled back at him.

"Thanks for clarifying, Cade, I know you usually order at the drive-through and then bring it inside, but this time I guess you're in a hurry. Only you would order it to go at the drive-through though, that's very original, like everything you do."

"Screw you, Suzie."

"That'll be $4.79."

"You drive a hard bargain, but okay. I hope it's worth it."

"Just pull your lilywhite butt forward, cowboy, and try not to get too excited. That's genuine leather you're sitting on."

"Don't quit your day job, Suzie."

He pulled forward and paid for the slurpees and handed one to the kid sitting next to him and immediately wrapped his lips around the straw sitting in the other one and pointed it at the redhead at the window and shot a blur of shaved ice at her as she ducked out of the way.

"Nice try, Cade. Who's this cutie you're hanging with?"

"His name's Mitchell, and he prefers to be thought of as a hottie rather than a cutie."

"Does he talk, or do you just interpret his thoughts for him?"

"Say hi to Suzie, Mitchell."

"Hi, Suzie."

"Hi, Mitchell, you really are cute, I wasn't just saying that to yank Cade's chain."

"Thanks, I guess?"

"There's no need to thank me for telling the truth. Speaking of which, do you have a girlfriend yet?"

"No."

"Do you want one?"

"That's not really a drive-through kind of question, is it?"

"Ha! Good answer. You boys have fun. And try to cover up a little more skin, so you don't get mauled by a gang of cheerleaders. Again."

"Bye, Suzie."

As he peeled out of the exit onto the street again, Cade looked over at Mitchell and smiled.

"I hope that wasn't too traumatic for you, Mitchell."

"I'll live."

"So what do you think of our town so far?"

"Not bad. At least she was friendly."

"A man of few words. I like it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. It's mysterious. Like you have a past you don't talk about because you don't want any more trouble than necessary."

"Yeah, sort of."

"So who do you run with?"

"Like run, run with? Or hang with?"

"Both good questions, so take your pick."

"Well, right now I guess I seem to be hanging with you, but I'm new here, so I don't really have anybody to hang with yet. Usually I run with the guys on the team, out and back from the school, or around the track. Or near where I live, when I'm on my own on the weekend."

"Where do you run around there?"

"Between the circles, out to the river, and back through the park. Or sometimes I go out the other way, when I get bored."

"You think I could keep up with you?"

Cade looked over at Mitchell and saw him smirk back at him.

"If I let you."

"Pretty cocky, aren't you?"

"Not really. I just tend to set a pretty fast pace. I mean, you're not a runner, right?"

Cade looked over at him again and made a pouting face before returning his eyes to the road.

"I run. Maybe not as fast as you, but I run. I play tennis and swim, and when the weather's not good for tennis, Coach makes us run lines and wind sprints until at least a few of us start to drop. I'm not slow, and I have good stamina. Really."

"Okay, maybe on Saturday? Like, early, before it gets too hot?"

"You're on. Just remember, you said you'd let me win."

"I never said I'd let you win, I said I'd let you keep up."

"What's the difference? If I keep up, I win, right?"

"Sure, you win if you can keep up. As long as I let you."

"Why do I have a feeling you're not gonna let me?"

"We'll see. Hey this is me!"

Cade slammed on the brakes and came to a sudden squealing stop as he leaned over and reached across the passenger seat with his arm out to keep Mitchell from being thrown forward.

"Sorry, I figured you were testing my reflexes. Hope I passed."

"Well you made skid marks, so I guess you passed."

Then they just sat there side by side in the jeep for a moment, and when the boy looked over at Cade again, his expression seemed to soften, and when he spoke, his voice sounded softer as well, and somewhat hesitant, as if he wasn't sure how to express what he felt, even though the way he looked and spoke made it clear that what he was feeling was a mixture of gratitude and sneaking affection.

"Hey. Thanks for the ride and ... you know, the slurpy and... that time the other day. And just ...."

Cade grinned at him, and then, in spite of himself, winked.

"It's all part of the service, dude. I always park way in the back, so I don't get dinged. And I'll be offended if you don't show up for your ride home tomorrow."

"Well, I wouldn't want to offend you."

"Good. And don't forget, you now officially have someone to hang with, so don't let me down."

"Okay, I won't."

Mitchell looked down and undid his seat belt, and then shifted his weight to open the door, as Cade's eyes dropped and took in the boy's legs. Completely bare like that, they looked so sleek and smooth, and the few fine gold hairs on them blended in with the gleaming, honey-colored skin. Cade wished he'd looked at them more before the boy got out of the jeep, but if he had looked at them while he was driving, he might have had a wreck.

Mitchell walked around to the other side of the jeep and stood there about a foot away from Cade and gazed up at him with a questioning look on his face.

"Hey, you want to come in and ...?"

Cade grinned at him and nodded his head.

"Yeah, sure!"

He slid out of the Jeep and walked alongside Mitchell and watched him unlock the front door, and then followed him through it until a large dog jumped at the unexpected intruder and punched him in the crotch with its snout a second before Mitchell pulled the dog away.

"Bax, no! Sorry, he's friendly, but he has no manners."

Cade scratched behind the dog's ears and put his head down in front of its face and let himself be licked a few times before detaching himself from the dog's frenzied affections.

"His manners are fine, it's his breath that he needs to worry about."

"Yeah, sorry about that. I'm supposed to brush his teeth, but I don't like it any more than he does, so I put it off. Plus the toothpaste smells like liverwurst anyway, so I doubt it would make his breath smell better."

"Liverwurst, huh? Yeah, that might make me less likely to let him kiss me. But you'd think he'd like it. I mean, what dog doesn't like liverwurst?"

"I think it's because they just put liverwurst flavor in it to disguise the fluoride or something. Anyway, Bax is nobody's fool. He can spot medicine a mile away, and the only way to get him to take it is to shove it down his throat so fast he can't react in time to roll it around on his tongue and spit it out."

"Smart dog."

"Yeah, Bax knows what he needs to know."

"Wish I could say the same thing."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

They just looked at each other for a long moment, and then without even thinking about what he was doing, Cade lifted his hand up and touched Mitchell's cheekbone with one knuckle before drawing it away.

"Eyelash", he explained, almost under his breath, as he held the back of his hand out for Mitchell to see, as though otherwise the boy might not have believed him.

Mitchell was just looking up at him, with his mouth slightly open, and Cade could have sworn that the boy's eyes were bigger than they had been a few moments before. They were still hazel, but they had all these complicated little dark lines in them, like the network of veins in certain gemstones, and as he noticed that, Cade got lost in them again for a moment, as he kept his hand out, but then he squinted, as if to clear his head, and held the back of his hand up a little higher, to make it clear that he was offering something.

"You're supposed to make a wish and blow it away."

"Really? Where did that come from?"

"Every kid knows that. It's like the birthday cake wish, but it's less of a fire hazard, and happens more often. If you're lucky. Give it a try."

Mitchell took Cade's wrist and steadied it and then leaned over and closed his eyes for a moment and blew the eyelash away before opening his eyes, and after a moment's hesitation, letting his hand drop to his side as he let Cade's wrist slip from his grasp.

"Happy?"

"You tell me, it's your wish."

"If I tell you, it won't come true."

"That's what they say."

"So I won't tell you ... unless..."

"Unless what?"

The boy seemed to be searching Cade's eyes for something.

"Unless ... it's already come true."

He almost whispered it, as if it might have been the same kind of secret he was already wondering if he should try to keep.

They just looked at each other for a long moment, without saying anything. Mitchell looked so expectant, as he looked up at Cade without completely raising his head, so his eyes were turned up in a way that made Cade feel like he was falling into them, and would never emerge from their hazel depths. For a boy, Mitchell had long eyelashes, but they weren't particularly thick, and Cade felt sure that he could count each separate lash, and that for some reason, that would be worth doing sometime, when he wasn't lost in Mitchell's eyes like this.

Then it just happened. He leaned down, as his hands gently cradled the boy's sides and then slid down them to his hips, and their lips came together, and they began kissing. He wasn't even sure whether he had initiated it or not, because the boy he had kissed had looked like he was expecting to be kissed, and immediately kissed him, eagerly and excitedly, the moment their lips touched, almost as if he couldn't wait for Cade to kiss him or slow down so he could keep up.

Cade could taste the cool, tart, honey-sweetened, fresh-squeezed-grapefruit-drenched shaved ice they had just finished sucking down, and something else that he knew was the subtle taste of the boy's mouth, which was so wet and soft and enticing that he didn't think he would ever want to stop kissing it, and suddenly they had their hands all over each other as the boy slid forward and straddled Cade's leg and pressed his body against Cade's body with a kind of desperate hunger that Cade responded to immediately with the same frantic desire, as his hand went down the back of the boy's shorts and kneaded the boy's compact muscular buttocks, which were left bare by his jockstrap and felt tacky and damp with sweat from the training he had done in track practice before heading home without showering.

And then, after a few minutes of urgent sucking and moaning sounds, as if someone who knew what was best for them both had planned it all out without consulting their wishes at all, the boy suddenly humped himself against Cade's leg, and gasped and shuddered, and then ground the front of his shorts against Cade a few more times as Cade's thumb slipped into the boy's crack and he squeezed one buttock as tight as he could, digging his nails into it as he felt himself firing off one shot after another into his briefs, as if the boy's climax had triggered his own, and then they clung to each other tightly, sweating and panting as they came down from the sudden rush of hormones that had flooded their bodies during their orgasms, and Cade relaxed his grip on the boy's buttock and massaged it gently.

"Oh shit, oh shit", the boy murmured breathlessly, but Cade just held him tighter as he buried his nose in the boy's hair and nuzzled it over the fine soft golden locks and inhaled the rich complex scent of the boy's damp hair and faintly waxy scalp as if he wouldn't ever get enough of it.

Eventually Cade slipped his hand out of the back of Mitchell's shorts and rubbed it lightly up the boy's spine and under his shirt until the lower half of his torso was bare, and then briefly kissed his eyebrow and eyelid and cheek one after another.

Mitchell was looking up at him again, expectantly, and Cade tried to keep himself from getting lost in those eyes again as he exhaled deeply.

"Wow, that was -- "

"Yeah...", the boy whispered.

"Amazing."

"I know."

"How did you know I was going to kiss you?"

"I don't know. I thought we just kissed. It's just that you're taller than me, so I was waiting for you to lean over."

"Yeah, but how did you know?"

"I just ... thought you were about to kiss me. Because you kept looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like that. Like I was someone you really wanted to kiss."

"Yeah. That's true."

"Did it surprise you?"

"Totally."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I thought it would take me months to figure out how to show you how I feel about you. All that strategy just went right out the window."

"Then why did you ....?"

"Because you ... you looked like you were expecting it, and I just couldn't wait any longer once I saw that."

"I was only expecting it because you looked like you were about to kiss me. For like a whole minute."

"I just couldn't believe you wanted me to kiss you."

"That's how I felt, too. I mean, you're ... not gay, right? And you have kind of a rep for not being gay with cheerleaders. According to some of the guys on the team."

"No, I'm definitely gay. I've just been confused about it. But I'm not confused anymore."

"Why not?"

"You've unconfused me. I mean, I was talking to Jessica, my friend, about you, and she's been explaining to me how gay I am, since I've been crushing on you, but just that one kiss blew all that confusion and all those explanations away."

"You've been crushing on me?"

"Yeah. So bad. Ever since I first saw you. And then, the last week or so ... even more. I can't stop thinking about you, and every time I see you in the hall, it feels like my heart is about to jump out of my chest."

"That's ... so weird. I mean, since you, you know, saved my ass from Jarred Hammond, I've kind of been ... crushing on you too. But I figured it was so hopeless that I didn't really give in to it until you told me you would be my ride home from now on."

Cade smiled at him brightly.

"That's all it took, huh? I'll remember that the next time."

"It just seemed like you were ... making sure it wasn't a one-time thing. And then I kind of thought you might have been checking my legs out when I got out of the jeep, which seemed really weird to me, too, because you're so, like, hot, and I'm not."

"Oh, you're plenty hot, trust me. And not just your legs, even though they're amazing."

Cade slipped his hand down the back of Mitchell's shorts and squeezed the kid's sweaty butt cheeks again and left his hand there.

"Yeah, you seem to really like my butt."

"Your butt is amazing, too. I love the way it almost fits in my hand."

"It's all I've got, so I get by with it."

"You more than get by with it."

"Sorry it's all sweaty."

"That's even better."

"Do you want to--"

"Yes I definitely want to."

"Take a shower with me?"

"I would give anything to take a shower with you."

"Really?"

"Except my jeep."

"Ah."

"Or my left nut."

"What about your right nut?"

"I'll tell you after we get in the shower."

"Okay, come on."

He took Cade by the hand and led him down the hall into the bathroom and they undressed each other in fits and starts as they made out, peeling off the sticky layers, until they were both naked.

Cade couldn't believe how perfect the kid's body was when he saw it like that, in all its everyday glory, without any clothes to disguise it. It seemed like almost a crime that it was covered up all the time, because it all fit together in a way that he never could have imagined if he hadn't seen it for himself. The moment that he saw the boy naked, he realized that he wouldn't change anything about him, because the whole was so much more than the sum of its parts, and it was perfect the way it was. Maybe it was also perfectly ordinary, but that just made its perfection more moving.

His shoulders were skinny, and his collarbone stuck out, and Cade could count the kid's ribs, but somehow that just made him even more precisely the way he was meant to be. Maybe because he was thin, his pecs were more clearly defined than they otherwise would have been where they stood out slightly from his chest, gleaming and perfect and slick with sweat. There was a mole at the base of his sternum, and his innie bellybutton was slightly lopsided, as if it had been carelessly made, and somehow every irregular little detail seemed indispensable to Cade, right down to the small scab on the boy's knee.

The fine soft light brown hair on the boy's groin didn't extend far at all, so the smooth pale skin below his belly was completely bare where his pelvic bones jutted out from his body, and the way he was turned, they too seemed to be slightly out of line, and yet perfect that way. The kid's 5-inch-plus uncut dick stood out so proudly from his body that Cade was sure that it too couldn't have been improved on, and the moment he saw it, the older boy realized that another boundary had already been erased, because the idea of putting his lips around the boy's dick and having it in his mouth seemed as natural as anything could ever be.

They stepped into the shower stall and continued making out as they soaped each other down and washed each other part by part, until there was nothing left to wash. When they got out of the shower, they were both completely erect, and laughing at nothing at all.

They went through the motions of drying each other off briefly before the towels were discarded and they began making out again frantically as Mitchell pulled Cade out of the bathroom and across the hall into his bedroom, where they collapsed onto the bed and began kissing and rubbing their moist warm flushed naked bodies all over each other, until the boy rolled over onto his back with Cade on top of him and then gazed up into Cade's eyes with that same look in his own, as if he were expecting something, and once again Cade felt himself getting lost in those hazel eyes, as he slid his whole body over the boy's waiting body and began devouring the boy's mouth while they ground themselves into each other and their dicks each slipped into a convenient spot and found the home they were looking for somewhere in the space they made with their bodies pressed together like that.

This time it took longer, and it was that much sweeter to Cade as he lifted his head and looked down into the boy's eyes and felt their naked bodies moving together in perfect sync while the feeling grew stronger and stronger, until the boy's moans announced how close he was, and Cade humped into him a little harder and faster to catch up, and then collapsed onto the boy as they both went over the edge together and felt the hot semen coat the parts of their bodies where their legs and groins and bellies were pressed together.

They just lay there like that for a while, breathing hard, until Cade rolled off Mitchell and lay on his side beside him. He reached down and stroked his hand through the boy's damp pubic hair and then let it rest there just below the boy's belly with the heel of his hand against the base of the boy's dick. The weight of his hand on the boy's slight pubic mound felt like it belonged there, and something about the knowledge that the boy had just ejaculated and the feeling of having his hand on the boy, just there, moved Cade as much as anything else, even if he couldn't begin to explain why that was so.

As he propped himself up on one elbow, Cade surveyed the boy's naked body with awe, and slowly stroked his hand over it, outlining a muscle here, and a nipple there, as he counted his way down the ribs and rubbed his hands over the boy's smooth soft belly, which rose and fell slightly with each breath, and pulsed faintly in time with his heartbeat.

"God, you're so perfect," Cade murmured.

"Look who's talking. I'm like, the before picture, and you're the after."

"Seriously?"

Mitchell nodded.

"I guess we never see ourselves the way other people do."

He moved over and lay his head on the boy's chest, and sighed.

"I love this."

Mitchell rubbed his hand over Cade's back and then left it there.

"Me too. This is what's perfect, not me, or even you."

He reached up and started idly stroking his other hand through Cade's wet dark hair.

"Hey Cade, can we be boyfriends?"

Cade's lips formed a sloppy kiss on the surface of Mitchell's skin.

"We already are."

After a while, they dozed off, and when a little gasp was heard in the doorway, they were sleeping peacefully like that, with Cade's head on Mitchell's chest, and their arms around each other, and their legs tangled together.

4

After a minute or so, the sound of a voice being cleared finally reached them, and their eyes popped open.

They both struggled to disentangle themselves and roll away from each other at the same time, and sat up with their backs to each other on opposite sides of the narrow bed, but by the time they had realized that there was nothing within reach to cover up with, the woman looking at them through the open bedroom door had already seen everything there was to see.

"My, my, what have we here? Aren't you going to introduce us, Mitchell?"

"Cade, my mom, Mom, that's Cade. Now please close the damn door and let us get dressed!"

"Alright, you boys do that, and come see me in the kitchen. I thought I'd cook something, since I'm home early, but I think it will be easier if we order out, under the circumstances. Pizza sound okay?"

"Fine!"

"Cade?"

"Yes ma'am?"

"What would you like on your pizza, Cade?"

"Mom! He doesn't care what's on his damn pizza! Just go away!"

"I'm going, I'm going. And by the way, even though it looks like you've already showered at least once, I think it would be best if you showered again. And maybe air out this room while you're at it. It smells like whatever it was you were doing in here before I got home. And I don't mean sleeping blissfully in each other's arms."

She closed the door.

"Sorry, Cade. I just dozed off for a few, and she never comes home this early. I mean, I'm lucky if she gets home by 7, let alone 6."

"Hey, I should have asked about it, and I lost track of the time too, plus I had swim practice this morning, so I was pretty sleepy. It's not your fault, Mitchell."

"Yeah, but she's my mom, and she has no tact, so it's only gonna get worse. I wish I could prepare you for it, but even I don't know what she'll say."

"It's up to you. She's your mom, and you know best. I'll stay if you say stay and go if you say go."

"Please stay. I mean, if you can. She'll drive me crazy if you're not here, and spend the whole time trying to make me admit something incriminating about you, and scolding me for not knowing everything about you. But if you're here, she'll be more focused on trying to find out if you're good enough for me, and since you're more than good enough for me, it will be fine."

"So she already knew you were gay, right?"

"Yeah, she's known forever. I mean, at least since I innocently told her I liked boys when I was 10. She's probably out there planning our gay wedding right now, so she's ready for it in case you pass the test."

"That's good. That makes her a lot less scary than she was when she was standing in the doorway."

"She's not scary, she's just ... unfiltered."

"So what should I say to her, to try to make a good first impression?"

"Haha. I think you already took care of that. Just be yourself."

"I mean, without showing her my dick again."

"Yeah, that was a little above and beyond what most guys do to impress their boyfriend's mother, but it worked, because she looked very impressed."

"Okay, I don't want to hear that."

"I know. Anyway, we need to take a shower, and get dressed, and go face whatever kind of pizza-fueled interrogation she's going to put us through."

They snuck across the hall into the bathroom and showered again, with only minimal fooling around this time, and then toweled off and crept back into the bedroom.

Cade separated his semen-soaked briefs from his only slightly sticky shorts and put the shorts and tank top on with the top hanging down over the spot on his shorts, and Mitchell put on a pair of warm-up pants and a striped t-shirt, and then he took Cade by the hand and pulled him down the hall into the kitchen, where Mitchell's mom was standing drinking a cup of coffee.

They just stood there for a moment as she regarded them with a thoughtful look on her face.

Then she set her coffee down and stepped over to them and gave Mitchell a kiss on the cheek and wrapped him up in her arms and held him for a moment before letting him go and stepping back over to her coffee and then sitting down with it at the table.

"The pizza will be here in 10 or 15 minutes, so we have a little time to talk before you boys start stuffing your faces. Do you need to call home, Cade?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Why don't you go ahead and do that."

He excused himself and called home.

"Hi Mom, I'm at a friend's house, and we just ordered pizza. Is that okay?"

"It's fine with me, what time will you be home?"

"I'm not sure."

"Well, you know the drill. Call if you're going to be late."

"Okay, I will. Bye."

Mitchell's mom listened to Cade's half of the conversation very intently, as if it might reveal something crucial about his character or his back-story.

"Have a seat, Cade, and you can tell me what's going on with you and my son."

He sat down across from her and next to Mitchell.

"Well, first of all, we just met last week, but I've kind of been ... crushing on him since I first saw him, when he first got here, even if I didn't realize it at first."

"So what made you realize it?"

Cade looked down at the table.

"The first time I talked to him in the hallway, this jerk named Jarred was messing with him, and I ... stopped him, and then we talked, and I ...felt things I'd never really felt before, and I didn't understand why. We started saying hi to each other in the hall, and just chatting for a minute, and each time I saw him, the feelings got stronger. And then yesterday at lunch, I was looking at him, and my best friend Jessica busted me. We talked about my feelings for him, and she convinced me that I was probably gay if I'd never felt that way about a girl before. I still wasn't sure that she was right, but then today, when we kissed, I just knew, and ... now I'm sure."

He turned to the side and looked into Mitchell's eyes.

"When I look at him, I just ... know what I want, because I'm looking at it. I know we don't really know each other yet, and maybe it's too soon to say I'm in love with him, but so far, I love everything about him, and I want to know more."

No one spoke for a moment.

"I can tell that you've already developed strong feelings for Mitchell, Cade, and I hope that you can hold on to them, because that's what love is, not how strong your feelings are in the beginning but how you hold onto them over time when things aren't as simple as they were at first."

Cade nodded.

"So you just figured out that you're gay, and no one else knows?"

"Well, besides you and us, my friend Jessica knows. And when I get home, four more people will know."

"Do you think your family will be okay with it?"

"I think my mom will be, and I think my dad will ... deal with it. My big sister won't care one way or the other. My little brother and I are really close, though, so I'm worried about how it will affect him. He pretty much idolizes me, and he trusts me, because I've never done anything to break his trust. But this is a small town, and everybody knows everything, so I'm afraid that he'll get teased or bullied about it at school."

"How old is he?"

"He's 9, but he's still a little kid. He's so smart, but he's been sheltered, so I worry about someone messing with him at school."

"I know what you mean. All you can do is be there for him. You can't protect him from everything."

"I know, I just ... have to try."

He looked down and shook his head.

"He and I are as close as brothers can be. From the first time I held him at the hospital, I knew it would be like that, and that's how it's been ever since."

"How old were you when he was born?"

"Just seven. I remember I was so afraid I might drop him, and he seemed so tiny and breakable to me, and I just told myself no, I'm going to be so careful with him that nothing can happen to him. And that's still the way I feel about him."

"That's very special to recognize how important that bond is early on and keep treasuring it that way. How old are you, Cade?"

"I just turned 16 in January."

"So are you a Sophomore or a Junior?"

"I'm a Sophomore."

"Have you and Mitchell talked about how you plan to handle being together at school?"

"We haven't talked about it, but I'm pretty sure that people will figure out that we're together, because yesterday my friend Jessica heard a rumor that Mitchell was gay, and once we start hanging out together at school, people will be talking about it and asking about it. Either way, though, I want to be with Mitchell, and do whatever feels right to him. If he wants to wait and see, I'm fine with that, and if he's ready to be open with people about it right away, I'm ready for that, too."

"Mitchell?"

"I saw a jerk from my old school at the track meet on Friday, and he outed me to some of the guys on the team, so I'm sure it will be all over school here in a few days anyway, and once people see Cade and me together, they'll be asking about Cade too. But just based on the track team, it seems like it won't be that bad here, so I'm ready for people to know whenever. I would be okay with keeping it private as long as that lasts, but I doubt that would last long, and I don't want to lie about it if someone asks. And because it involves Cade, people are gonna ask, and they're not gonna let it go."

"What do you mean? Why is it different for Cade?"

Mitchell looked at him.

"Because, he's like ... one of the guys everyone talks about and pays attention to."

"Oh. I know the type."

"Mom! He's not a type, he's my boyfriend."

"How could I forget? Those images are seared into my brain. Not that that's a bad thing, because he's absolutely gorgeous, from head to toe, and everywhere in between."

"Please stop talking before you say something even worse, Mom."

"Okay, I'm going to let you two figure things out on your own in a minute. I just want to say that I'm really impressed with you, Cade. And I don't mean what I saw of you in the bedroom, although that was plenty impressive, too. I mean the way you think things through and speak from the heart. The way you talk about your little brother tells me a lot about what kind of person you are, and I'm so glad that Mitchell has found someone like that."

She cleared her throat before continuing.

"Now. About what I saw in the bedroom. I'm not the kind of fool who would try to tell two teenage boys not to follow their hearts and desires and good old Mother nature, and I won't be coming home unexpectedly early during the week again, so I hope you'll feel at home here and choose to be together here where I know you'll be safe. I will do everything in my power to protect you both and contribute anything I can to your happiness. All I ask in return for that is that you both be honest with me, and tell me about any trouble that people may try to cause for you at school or anywhere else. That's all I have to say."

She got up from her chair and stepped around the table and leaned over and kissed Mitchell on the cheek, and patted Cade on his shoulder, and walked toward the door and opened it just as the delivery guy was about to ring the doorbell.

They ate the pizza, and then Cade and Mitchell went back to Mitchell's room and lay down on the bed and cuddled and talked for a while.

"I like your mom. I mean, I'm not gonna lie, she's a little intimidating, but she seems like a really good mom."

"She is. I love her to death. She just doesn't know when to shut her mouth. God, I can't believe she said that stuff about your body. Even though it's true."

"I definitely wish she hadn't seen me naked, or at least had pretended that she hadn't seen my dick, but in a way, it's not such a bad thing that it happened. I mean, I got to meet your mother on our first day together, and impress her. Who else can say that? There's nothing that could possibly happen now that would be more embarrassing. And she pretty much said that you and I could be with each other whenever we want at your house during the week, before she gets home from work. And I really, really want to ... be with you ... like that again."

"Yeah, me too. It was ... so ... like I imagined it, except even better. I mean, you're even better than I imagined, and everything was so perfect, like I never would have believed it could be, even in a fantasy."

"I never even imagined it, so you were one step ahead of me. But I'm glad I caught up."

"I waited ... like a whole minute... for you to catch up. You were a little slow to catch on."

"I was just enjoying the view."

"What view?"

"You."

Mitchell smiled at Cade, and shook his head.

"I still don't get why you like me."

"Because you're perfect for me."

"But why?"

"You just are. I can't explain it. It's not any one thing, it's everything about you. It's like we were made for each other, and I've been waiting for you my whole life."

Mitchell traced his finger along Cade's jaw.

"What should we do tomorrow?"

"It's up to you. It's either come out now, or wait a few days to see what the rumor mill throws up."

"What do you think?"

"I'm ok either way, as long as you are, too."

"Aren't you worried about coming out?"

"I'm only worried if you are. I mean, what was it like for you?"

"It wasn't anything like this. I didn't have a boyfriend, and I was basically outed by the guy who was ... hitting on me or messing with me or whatever, so there wasn't anything positive about it. With you, it's completely the opposite. As long as I'm with you, I won't let the negative stuff get to me. I'm more worried about how it will affect you."

"What do you mean?"

"You're kind of ... a big deal at school. And people will look at you differently after you come out, and talk shit about you."

"People already say all kinds of shit about me, true or not, so let them talk. I don't care about that stuff, Mitchell. I mean, I'm not gonna lie, last year it would have bothered me, but I'm not worried about it anymore. After Jessica and I broke up, people were saying I had cheated on her, and speculating about which cheerleader it was, and all this bullshit, and I realized that they're just bored, and talking shit passes the time. They don't have a clue what's true or what's not, and they don't really care, as long as it makes a good story. That's actually as good a reason as any to be open about our relationship, so they don't get to invent some other relationship for us."

"Yeah, I agree. As long as you're sure."

"I'm sure."

"So should we come out tomorrow, or wait until people start asking questions?"

"I guess I'd rather not be reacting to what people say."

"So how do you think we should do it, then?"

"Well ... I won't want to let you go to class tomorrow without kissing you anyway, and that would probably answer any questions people might have."

"Haha. Yeah, I like it. Plus, I get to kiss you."

"I'm your boyfriend now, dude. You can kiss me whenever you want."

"Really?"

"Yep. Including right now."

It was just a kiss, but it was nice and long, and then Mitchell's head lay back on Cade's chest.

"Yeah. Let's do it, Cade. I mean, talk is cheap, right?"

"Right."

"Maybe in the student center, right before school starts?"

"Yeah, I like it."

"I mean, if we're gonna do it, why not go big?"

"What do you mean? Like onstage, during the assembly?"

"No, the student center is fine. I don't think we could get our gay make-out session on the program for Assembly at the last minute. Tongue or no tongue?"

"Whatever happens, happens."

"Haha. Okay, tongue."

"Just be natural. Like there's no one else there."

"That may be hard, but I'll try."

"Yeah, hard but not ... too hard. So try not to enjoy it too much."

"Shut up! Besides, you were like ... right behind me, and you made even more of a mess, so you're one to talk. At least my mess was all in my jock. Yours was like an oil spill or ... an industrial accident."

"Yeah, but you were the one who was responsible for it. That's never happened to me before. I blame you."

"Yeah, yeah. I guess I get to take care of the clean-up, since you're leaving your sticky underwear behind."

"Hey, that's like a ... memento, or ... you know, something to remember me by."

"Fine, I'll keep them under my pillow tonight."

"I'm sure you'll have sweet dreams if you do."

"Let's hope not, I have enough work cleaning up after you."

"Then you better not kiss me anymore."

Mitchell kissed him again, and then slipped his hands up the leg of Cade's shorts and grabbed his dick.

"I love the way your dick gets hard when I kiss you. It's like my superpower or something."

"I know, that's why we have to be a little careful tomorrow. I mean I want to come out but ... I don't want to give people a free show. And now that we've been together like this, just looking at you makes my dick hard, let alone touching you or holding you and kissing you."

"So what are we gonna do?"

Cade was quiet for a moment.

"Maybe we should just keep it simple. Kiss whatever way feels right at the time, and seems like a nice way to send your boyfriend off to class, but try not to overdo it. I don't want to prove anything to anyone, except to you. And we don't want to get ... overly excited."

"So no obvious making out?"

"Just a nice little fix before the day starts, to hold us over until the next time we see each other."

"So any time then?"

"Any time it feels right, sure."

"Okay, you asked for it."

"Can I pick you up and take you to school in the morning?"

"Why would I say no to that?"

"It's settled, then. Just don't be afraid to change your mind about this, if it feels wrong, or like it's not the right time, or the right place."

"Or the right guy?"

"Or the right guy."

"There's no way in hell that will ever happen, Cade. And even though it's scary, it'll still be kind of a thrill."

"Just do me a favor and go straight to your locker after each class. I know you don't always do that, but just for the next few days, until we see how it goes, I'd like you to do that."

"How do you know I don't always do that?"

"Well, you know all those times we met in the hall?"

"What about them?"

"They weren't all by accident."

"You were stalking me?"

"I guess you could call it that. I mean, I didn't really know you, so I had to take what I could get."

"So you didn't just happen to save my ass from that big bad short bully?"

"Let's just say I was in the neighborhood."

"Stalker."

"Hey, if I hadn't stalked you, I wouldn't have a boyfriend right now. And neither would you."

"Yeah, I know. In a way it makes me really happy that you were doing that. I mean, that you didn't just get interested in me when you heard I might be gay."

"Yeah, but I might not have made myself go after you so soon if I hadn't heard that. I might still be hanging back and stalking you between classes and wondering if I was actually gay, and telling myself that even if I was, it wouldn't matter, because I couldn't be with you."

"Really?"

"Maybe. I really didn't know for sure, until I kissed you."

"Yeah. About that. You were going to kiss me. I actually got there first. I mean, you were going so slow. It was like ... slowmo."

"Whatever it was, it worked."

"Yeah, it really did."

Eventually, Mitchell's mom knocked on the door and told them that it was time for them to call it a night, and they kissed all the way to the door, until Mitchell's mom cleared her throat again, and they had to let go.

5

When he got home and went upstairs, he found his little brother playing a game in bed. He plopped down on the bed beside him and put his arm around him and gave him a quick hug and a kiss on the top of his head.

"Hey Nolan, who's winning?"

Nolan grinned up at him.

"Me and me. And then me."

"Oooo, you're on a winning streak, huh?"

"And a losing streak too. I beat myself three times in a row."

"Well, it's not who wins or loses, right?"

"Right."

"Hey, do you mind giving me some advice about something?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, you. I need to talk to someone I trust, who gives good advice and is always there for me when I need him. So, you."

"What do you need to get advice about?"

"Well, it's complicated. You know I don't have a girlfriend, right?"

"Yeah, I know. Because Jessica was like your sister. And more like a friend, not a girlfriend. Remember, you told me?"

"That's true. But I think there was a reason I didn't have the feelings for her that most boys feel for their girlfriends. And today I think I found out why that was."

"Why?"

"Because some boys have those feelings for other boys, not for girls. And today I found out that I have those feelings for a boy at school named Mitchell."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him. He and I kissed each other today, and since then, I've been really, really happy. We talked about it, and decided to be boyfriends."

"So you're both boyfriends?"

"Yeah. He's my boyfriend and I'm his boyfriend, so we're boyfriends."

"Are you gonna get married?"

"Maybe someday. If we're really lucky."

"Then will you be ...? "

"Husbands?"

"He'll be your husband and you'll be his husband?"

"Exactly."

Nolan nodded, as if the way it worked made sense to him. Then he looked up again.

"So how come you need to get advice?"

"I'm not sure how to tell Mom and Dad. They don't know that I'm gay."

"You're gay!!!"

"Yeah, it sure seems that way."

"Tommy's brother is gay!!"

"Tommy Davis?"

Nolan nodded excitedly.

"Yeah. His brother's in college. I think it's a gay college."

"Do they even have those?"

"Sure. He's gay, and he goes there. Tommy said his brother wanted to go to a gay college."

"Okay, I'll have to look into that. I hadn't heard about it. Sounds like it might be a good one."

"Only if you're gay. I don't think they let you in if you're not gay."

"Is there some kind of test?"

"Of course. How else would they know?"

"Makes sense. But about my problem. How do I tell Mom and Dad? It might be a big shock to them. How do I explain it to them?"

Nolan thought for a while, then nodded his head.

"Okay. Like this."

He began numbering the points on his fingers.

(1) You really really like this boy. (2) You kissed him. (3) You asked him to be your boyfriend. (4) He said yes! (5) Now you're boyfriends."

"what about being gay?"

"Does a boy have to be gay to have a boyfriend?"

"Not really. Some boys like both boys and girls, so they aren't gay."

"What are they then?"

"I guess bi."

"Bi?"

"Bi is like both, like a bicycle has two wheels."

"Oh yeah."

"So how do I tell them I'm gay?"

Nolan thought again, before looking up.

"Okay. Simple. If you tell them about your boyfriend first, then after that, if they ask you if you're gay, you just say, oh yeah, plus I'm gay, like it's no big deal. That way it won't be a shock."

"Hey. That just might work."

"Of course. Why wouldn't it?"

"I can't think of any reason why it wouldn't. Nolan, have you ever thought about being a professional advice giver?"

"No way! You're the only one who ever asks me for advice."

"Yeah but that's because I'm the only one who knows what good advice you give. When other people find out, there will probably be a long line outside your door, and you'll have to start charging them money."

"Ok pay me."

He held out his hand for money.

"How much do you charge?"

"How about a million dollars?"

"Can I owe you?"

"Sure."

"It's a deal. You really think this will work?"

"It's always possible."

"You have a point there. Can you think of any questions Mom and Dad might ask me about this? I just want to be prepared."

"Well, did you hold the boy's hand?"

"We did hold hands for a while. It felt so great."

"Why?"

"It just felt really good to hold hands with him. I guess because when you want to be close to someone, that's a good way to feel close to them."

"Like kissing them?"

"Yeah, like that."

"With your tongue?"

"Yeah, but that also tastes great too."

"Yuck."

"Maybe it only tastes good to you when you get older, like some vegetables."

"Really?"

"I'm not sure. I never really liked kissing anyone like that until today. I've done it before, but this is the first time I loved it, and couldn't get enough of it."

"With your boyfriend?"

"Yep. He tasted like a sweet cool grapefruit slurpy with a cherry on top."

"Nu-uh! Don't lie!"

"It's true. Because we went to the drive-through before I took him home, so we had your favorite slurpies together."

"Yum."

"I know. And kissing him after slurpies was even better. Like double yum."

"No, like double yuk!"

"Why?"

"Because kissing with the tongue is gross!"

"That's something you have to decide for yourself after you try it with the right person. It really depends on how you feel about the person you're kissing."

Nolan looked thoughtful for a moment, and then looked up at Cade and examined his face closely before asking the question he had been formulating.

"Do you think I'll have a girlfriend first like you, or a boyfriend?"

"I guess whichever you want, or whichever one you find first. It's too soon to say."

"Why?"

"Well, I didn't know I was gay until today, and I'm 16. But most boys aren't gay, so most likely, whether you only like girls or you like boys too, you will have a girlfriend eventually. Unless you only like boys, in which case you might only have boyfriends. Either way, it'll be fine. You can hold hands and share slurpees and kisses with them, whoever they are, and it will be great, whether it's a boy or a girl, especially if it's the right one."

Nolan looked like he was thinking about that, and wasn't sure that it sounded all that great to him, except for the slurpies.

"Can you think of any more questions Mom and Dad might ask me?"

Nolan thought some more.

"If you get married to a boy, how will you have babies? I mean, with no mom?"

"Well, some gay couples get married and don't have babies, and other ones adopt kids who need a home."

"Like little kids or big kids or babies?"

"Whichever ones they can find that need a good home. Or whichever ones the adoption office finds for them. I don't know for sure how it all works, but if you're willing to wait a year or two, you can adopt. Or one of the husbands can have a baby with a woman, and the two husbands can adopt the baby."

"Will you and ... what's his name?"

"Mitchell?"

"He's your boyfriend, right?"

"That's his name."

"Will you and Mitchell have babies, or adopt kids or ...?"

"It's way too soon to know. We don't even know if we'll get married someday."

"But you love him, right?"

"I love everything about him."

"So why wouldn't you get married then?"

"What if we had a big fight, and broke up? It takes time to find out if two people fit together, and belong together forever. We're still really young, and most people get married in their 20s or 30s, or even later."

"But if you love each other, why would you fight?"

"That's a really good question, Nolan, and I don't have an answer for it. It seems like fighting with someone you love is one of the dumbest things you can do. But people do dumb things sometimes, right?"

"You can say that again."

"People do dumb things sometimes, right?"

"Alright, don't say it again."

"I won't. I think you've prepared me for Mom and Dad's questions really well. Now I just have to remember the answers."

"How could you forget? They're your answers. I just gave you the questions."

"Good point, Nolan. I'm going to go give it a try. Thanks for being there for me. Any time you need my advice, I'll be there for you too, okay?"

"Of course. That's what brothers are for."

Cade reached out and ran his hand through his little brother's hair.

"I love you, Nolan."

"I know. But I love you more."

6

When he went into the living room, his parents were sitting watching TV.

"Can I talk to you guys for a bit?"

"Sure, what do you need?" His dad glanced at him from across the room.

"I don't need anything exactly. Just your attention."

His dad clicked the TV off, and his mother leaned forward on the sofa and looked at him closely. He sat down on the smaller sofa across from his mom, while his dad eased back in his easy chair in the corner.

"So there's this guy at school I really like, and today I gave him a ride home, and we got to know each other better, and we kissed each other, and one thing led to another, and now I have a boyfriend, so I wanted you to know that. I wasn't sure how you would feel about it, so I figured I would just start there and let you ask me any questions you have."

His mom didn't look quite as shocked as his dad did, but she looked surprised.

"Are you saying you're gay, Cade?"

"He's not gay, Dianne."

"Oh yeah, plus I'm gay."

"You're not gay!" It wasn't so much anger as exasperation that his father displayed.

"So how do you know, Dad?"

"Jesus Christ, Cade, the same way everyone else in town does. Because you've been having sex with cheerleaders since you were 14. And at least one time, it was captured on video, so I don't see how you can deny it."

"Oh. Ok. Well ... maybe things aren't always what they seem, though, right?"

"So what was that, a butt double?"

"No, it was probably me. How did you find out about it?"

"Someone copied it to me at work. I guess they thought I'd be proud."

"Were you?"

"I suppose in a way. But that's not the point."

"So the point is that once I have sex with a girl, I can never be gay?"

"Why would you want to, if you were gay? And even if you wanted to, how would that work? You think gay men can just snap their fingers and get it up for a woman? It doesn't work that way."

"Okay, so according to your theory, I can't be gay, but that would make me bi, right? Because I can definitely get it up for my boyfriend, too."

"I'll have to take your word for it."

"So, what, I'm just calling myself gay, to be different?"

"You tell me, Cade."

"Dad, I'm gay. I've crushed on boys since I was a little kid, I just didn't realize what it meant. I've never had those feelings for a girl. I admit I had sex with girls when I started High School, because I was confused, and being naked with a girl aroused me, so getting it up wasn't an issue, and it felt good, but I never crushed on a girl or even looked at a girl and thought wow, she's cute, the way I did with boys. I just had sex with girls because it worked and it felt good and it was expected of me when I went to parties at the lake. I don't do that anymore. I tried dating Jessica, and I didn't feel any attraction to her, even though she's a really pretty girl that almost every other guy would kill to have for a girlfriend. But from the first moment I saw this boy, I felt an instant attraction to him, and every time I'm near him, it just gets stronger and stronger. And the second I kissed him, I felt more than I ever felt having sex with a girl, and I instantly knew that I was gay. And I'm so strongly attracted to him and so in love with him that it doesn't even matter whether I'm gay or not, because he's the only one I want to be with, and I never want to let him go. You can call it whatever you want, but that's how it is."

His mother broke the silence.

"Cade, if you were this confused, why didn't you ever talk to us?"

"Mom, I was so confused that I didn't even realize I was confused until a year or so ago. And all I knew at that point was that I was different in some way, I didn't think I was gay. But the truth is that you guys are even more confused about this stuff than I was, so it's pretty unlikely that you could have helped me figure it out. And I'm not confused anymore."

"This isn't completely out of the blue to us, Cade. Your father and I talked about this when you were younger. From the first day I brought Nolan home, you were so loving and affectionate to him, and you always wanted to hold him and cuddle with him and bathe him and take care of him. You turned down things you really enjoyed doing so that you could stay home with him, and even though it was very sweet, it started to concern us."

Cade started laughing, initially in a normal way, but gradually more maniacally.

"Wait ... so what ... I was really loving to my brother ... because I was gay? Or that made me gay? Or ... what?"

"It didn't make you gay, but maybe it was a sign."

"Let me make sure I get this right. Love and affection are what women feel, and that's good, but not if you're a guy, because it's a sign you're gay? And you actually think that gay guys are basically just feminine guys?"

"Well, many of them are."

"You've been watching too much TV, Mom. Seriously, do you even know any gay guys in real life?"

"My hairdresser is gay."

"Okay. Point to you. Anyone else?"

"We live in a small town, Cade. Most of those men live in the city."

"Mom, your own son is gay, and you didn't know, so how do you expect to know about anyone else who isn't your hairdresser and doesn't happen to fit your ridiculous laughtracked sitcom idea of what a gay guy is like? I'm not the only other gay guy in this town besides your hairdresser."

"Maybe not, but we don't know any."

"Well, anyway, I told you, so now you know one. Or you don't. What else can I say? Maybe I'm bi, or maybe I'm a fake gay, or maybe I'm just too loving and caring to be a real man, and that confused me, or confused you, anyway. Who knows? Is there anything ... less crazy ... you want to say to me?"

"What do you want us to say, Cade?"

"Maybe that you love me and want me to be happy, and you can't wait to meet my boyfriend?"

"Cade, you know we love you, and yes we want you to be happy, and I think it would be a good idea for us to get to know this boy, if you're going to be spending time with him. But you've just presented this to us as if there's nothing that we can say or do about it to help you with it, so it's hard to know what to say. It's a big shock to us, and a blow to our hopes for you, and it's going to take some time for us to adjust to that. But we do love you very much, and this doesn't change that."

Cade's father had a thoughtful look on his face, and he examined Cade as if he had just realized that Cade was the one who was making all the decisions about this, and that his own position was relatively weak.

"Let me ask you this, Cade. Do you really think you can keep a secret like this in this town?"

"If I planned to keep it a secret, I wouldn't have told you, Dad, or at least not tonight. But everyone at school will know tomorrow, so I wanted you to know first."

"Cade, listen, I think that's a big mistake. Just do me a favor, and give this some more thought, and see how you feel in a few months. You need to think about your future. This isn't something you can take back if you change your mind. Once people hear about it, that's how they will see you from now on."

"That's how I want them to see me, Dad. I want people to see me the way I am. And Mitchell is my boyfriend, and he's ... amazing, so yeah, I'm not going to want to hide the fact that I have an amazing boyfriend. It's not like I plan to go around saying hey everybody, I'm gay! to everyone, but I won't have to, because other people will say it for me once they know that Mitchell and I are together, and we're not going to hide that. If we tried to hide it, we would have to give up a lot of the things that are great about it, and it wouldn't work anyway, because other people aren't going to just mind their own business, they're going to ask us if we're together."

"All I'm saying is, give yourself some time to make sure that's what you want, and who you are, and how you want people to see you. Is that too much to ask?"

"I'm not going to hedge my bets just to please you, Dad. I know what I want, and if I did what you want me to do, my boyfriend could be hurt by it, and I'm not going to take that chance. I'm going to do everything I can to make him happy, and the best way to do that is not to hedge my bets, so my boyfriend knows and sees and feels that I'm all in."

"But why is this the only way? Why now? Why tomorrow?"

"Because Mitchell is already about to be outed, and I'm not going to let him go through that alone. I'm not going to pretend to be just his friend, or worse, act like I don't know him at school, just in case later on I change my mind and decide that it's not worth being with him if it means that bigots like the guys you work with will say mean things about me. I couldn't do that even if I did change my mind, and I'm not going to change my mind, because I'm in love with him."

His dad was quiet for a while. Then he nodded his head.

"Well, that changes things. I can see why you feel you have to do this. I won't try to talk you out of it, even though I think you're making a big mistake. I will do what I can to protect you from whatever the fallout from all this is. I'm not angry with you, because I know you think you're doing the right thing, but I'm frustrated by the way you're going about this. Being driven and single-minded can be a good thing when you're trying to accomplish something practical, like becoming a better swimmer or tennis player, or getting stronger, the way you have the last few years, but it can also make you blind to the risks you're taking with the choices you're making, and I'm afraid that's what's happening here. I've said my piece, and if you respect me, you'll give it some more thought before you rush into this and do something you can't undo. I'm going to have a drink and get to bed. It sounds like tomorrow could be a long day."

He wandered off.

"Cade, that was very hard for your father. I hope you realize what a struggle it was for him to let you make this decision for yourself."

"Yeah, it's not easy to have a gay son in a small, backward town like this. I get that. I just wish he understood my side of it, too."

"For a man his age, this is much harder to deal with, and he's doing so much better than some of the men he works with would do."

"I know, mom. I'm really grateful that he didn't, like, beat the crap out of me and kick me out in the street, like some of his good god-fearing bible-believing friends would have done."

"That's very unfair, and really beneath you, Cade. Those aren't your father's friends, they're people he works with, and they aren't all like that, and the ones who are like that he has as little as possible to do with outside of work. Your father loves you so much, he just isn't good at expressing it. But there too, he's much better at it than some men I know, like his father."

"See? It just gets better and better with each generation, with less and less beating and more and more love and affection. Until it goes a little bit too far, and your son is so loving and affectionate that he actually turns out to be gay."

"You completely misunderstood what I said about that, Cade. I was always amazed by how loving you were to your brother, and I couldn't be prouder of the way you look out for him and spend time with him. I don't know a single other kid your age who is anywhere near as good a big brother as you are, and that's one of the blessings I count every single day."

"Then if your theory is true, you should be really grateful that I'm gay, right? Since that's why I am the way I am. Or wait, was it the other way around?"

"I know that you're disappointed in us, but we're just trying to help you make the right decision. I agree with your father that you should hold off on making it until you've had more time, but I don't agree with your father that you're not really gay. If you think you're gay, then as far as I'm concerned, you're gay. Only you know your real feelings. And I know it's not your fault. It must have started when you were very young, and how could I possibly blame you for that? If anything, I blame myself."

"Yeah, see, when you say blame and fault, you're saying that something is wrong with me, because being gay is a bad thing, even if no one is to blame for it."

"It's not bad, Cade, it's just unfortunate, the way it's unfortunate to have a handicap. It doesn't make you a bad person. It just means that life will be more difficult for you than if you didn't have this handicap."

"It's not a handicap! The only reason life will be more difficult is because people who are prejudiced make it more difficult. With your reasoning, it would seem like a handicap to be black, too, because lots of people discriminate against black people and make life more difficult for them, but if people weren't prejudiced and didn't discriminate, then being black or gay wouldn't seem the slightest bit like a handicap. And maybe it's that way for the people everybody calls handicapped, too. What makes life more difficult is being treated like there's something wrong with you for just being who you are. It's the way you're thinking about it that's the real handicap."

"Handicap may have been a poor choice of words, but the point is that you have a whole new set of problems to deal with, and I agree with your father that you should give yourself some time to figure them out privately before you make another whole new set of problems for yourself at school. But we can't stop you from doing that, all we can do is worry about it and hope for the best and try to give you what little support we can."

"I don't see how you can give me any support at all if all you want to do is change my mind and convince me to hide who I am and act like I'm ashamed of it for the rest of my life, just because there are people here who won't like it. And I can't help thinking that you want me to do that because it will make things easier for you too."

"That's not fair, Cade. We want what's best for you, and we don't necessarily always know what that is, but we have an idea that what you're intending to do tomorrow at school may not be what's best for you. Trying to help you and trying to change your mind about that might not be two separate things. You need to think about that, too."

She stood up and leaned over and kissed him on the forehead, and then left the room.

7

Cade went upstairs to Laine's room and knocked on the door.

"Come in!"

He peeked his head inside.

"Hey Laine, you have a minute?"

"For the great Cade Randall? How could I turn that down?"

"Good one, Laine."

He came inside and sat on the side of the bed as she scooted her desk chair around to face him.

"What brings you here, Cade?"

"So, I just talked to Mom and Dad about this, and I need to talk to you too, because it's probably going to affect you tomorrow at school."

Laine made a spooky face.

"Wow, very foreboding, Cade. Tell me more."

He gave her a serious look, but he could tell that she wasn't taking him seriously, so he just blurted it out.

"Ok. So I'm gay, and I have a boyfriend now, and there are rumors that he's gay, so we're planning to come out together tomorrow at school."

She started laughing as she patted his knee and straightened up again.

"Very funny, Cade. I have some reading to do, so if you're done here, it's not really a good time for jokes."

He shook his head.

"It's not a joke, Laine. You'll probably get some shit about this at school, so I just wanted you to be prepared."

The smile faded from her face as it sunk in that the punch line wasn't funny enough for a joke.

"But you can't be serious? That would be too ... perfect."

"I know it's kind of unexpected, but it's true."

"Cade Randall, the former 14-year-old fuckboy of the cheerleading squad, is gay?"

She had an incredulous look on her face that suddenly shifted to one of realization.

"Oh my god, that's why you and Jessica broke up, isn't it?"

"Something like that."

"Does she know?"

"She's the one who told me I was gay."

"Oh good for her. I always thought she was great."

"Could have fooled me."

"Yeah, I know. I was always envious of her too -- so smart, so pretty, so sure of herself, and she didn't suck up to me the way my little brother's girlfriend should have tried to do. Speaking of which, who's the lucky guy? Someone I know?"

"No, it's the new kid, the Freshman."

"No fucking way! Mitchell on the track team?"

"Yeah, you know him?"

She reached over and pounded him on the arm.

"You little shit! I saw him first! I seriously wanted to eat him up when I saw him, too, but I was afraid people would give me too much grief about robbing the cradle if I went after him, since I'm three years older than him. Plus he's smaller than me, which made it even worse. And then on Monday one of the guys on the track team told me that someone from his old school said he was gay, so I figured I dodged a bullet by not embarrassing myself asking him out."

Now it was Cade's turn to be shocked.

"You have a thing for my boyfriend?"

"God yes, he's so adorable. I love his hair. And those big bright eyes, and his smile ... he's just so ... sweet and dreamy. He's been like ... one of my guilty pleasures at school the last couple of weeks. I hang out with one of his teammates, and I see him every day at track practice. He has this smile that goes all the way to his eyes, and I get all squishy inside when he looks up at me like that and says hi to me."

"That's insane. You're like ... hung up on the exact same things I was hung up on when I first saw him. I thought I was the only one who saw it. It must be genetic, like you and I are programmed to crush on him."

"Have you seen him on the track? It's like poetry, only with an amazing little ass attached to it. His heels go way up his back when he's on the home stretch. I've been having this sick little fantasy about how that high stride and kick and strong finish would translate to the bedroom."

"Yeah, I've never actually seen him run, but I've... seen and held his ass, and it's so ... compact and irresistible, and perfect."

"You guys had sex already? I guess that shouldn't surprise me, considering your record."

"Not exactly sex, but ... we fooled around in the shower and on the bed, and ... I'm definitely gay now. But I knew that I was gay the instant we kissed, and I would seriously rather kiss him than have sex with anyone else in the world. But it's not just that. I'm so in love with him. And holding and kissing someone you're in love with is like ... heaven."

"You should see the look on your face right now. I'm so jealous. Not only do you have a boyfriend I would kill for, but you're in love. You're all sappy and like, gaga over him, it's so adorable."

"I can't help it, when I look at him, I just ... can't believe how perfect he is, and now that he's mine, I can't believe that either. I don't even know him yet, but I feel like I've known him forever, and the more I get to know him, the more in love with him I am."

"So what's he like? I can never get him to talk about himself, so I figured he was shy, even though he doesn't act shy."

"He's not shy at all, he just seems that way at first because he doesn't always say everything he's thinking, but if you look closely, you can see it in his eyes, and somehow when I'm with him, I find myself just ... wanting to do whatever his eyes are asking, because nothing makes me feel better than putting a smile on his face, and making him happy. And when he looks up at me like that, I just ... get lost in his eyes, and I can't resist him."

"I love the way you look when you talk about him, Cade. You're obviously totally in love with him, but you're also completely pussy-whipped, even though he's a boy, and it's so sweet. I still can't believe you're gay, though. I like you way, way better gay, even if I'm jealous of you for stealing my crush, but it's still really hard to grasp."

"Why is it so hard to grasp? It's not like I'm Wyatt Jones or one of those overly macho guys you would never believe could be gay, right?"

"No, but you're like ... this eager little pussyhound that all the older cheerleaders who treated me like I didn't exist were always sniffing around, and talking about like you were a piece of meat they were dividing up into fair portions. One time when you were still 14, I actually heard two Senior girls arguing about who was going to get to screw you at the lake next time, based on whose turn it was this time and who gave you a blow job last time and whether that counted or not. And you know about the little white energizer bunny video, right?"

"I'm never going to live that down. I mean, even Dad knows. Someone sent it to him at work. I don't know if Mom saw it, but she didn't seem surprised."

"I heard them talking about it like they'd just found out about a year later, so I'm sure they didn't know about it at the time, but that video had a datestamp on it, so they knew when it was. They were just worried about you getting some girl pregnant, but by the time they found out about the video, you'd stopped going to those parties, and it was kind of ancient history. Plus all of those girls were on the pill or had IUDs, so you were probably less likely to get one of them pregnant than to get a cut on your dick or six different strains of STDs."

"They weren't that bad."

"They were sluts! I mean, I like sex, and I don't begrudge anyone a good time, but the way they handed you around was so cold, and it made me sick. I'm sorry I didn't try to help you, but I was just so envious of you for being in with the cool crowd that I was excluded from, and for being so good-looking and having everything handed to you on a plate."

"I thought you didn't really care about me one way or another. I mean, you always acted that way."

"No, Cade, that's not true. I've always been envious of you, not just because of your looks and all your swim meets and medals and tennis trophies, and the way everyone always spoils you, but because of you and Nolan."

"What do you mean?"

"Nolan and you are so close, and you bonded with him from day one, and never let go, and he always wanted you to be with him. I was always on the outside. Even though you were a little kid, and two years younger than me, you did all that stuff that Mom thought I should be learning to do, holding him and rocking him and soothing him and bathing him and changing his diapers and shit."

"Literally. I could have shared some of that shit with you. It stunk! I just did it because mom said you had to take the bad with the good. I could never get the damn diaper on right when she made me do it. Based on something she said tonight, I think she was secretly trying to discourage me from wanting to be with him and take care of him so much, so you definitely could have done your share if you wanted to, and she would have preferred that."

"I know, but he didn't want me. He would cry when I held him, and reach for you, and the second you held him he'd stop crying and look up at you like you were his whole world. And then once he could walk, he followed you around like a puppy. If you were in the room, he was always completely focused on you, and you were always in the room, because you loved to be with him. I felt rejected, so I kind of tried to act like I didn't care, and that just made it worse. I'm still just someone who lives with him, and he thinks you walk on water."

"He's 9, Laine, of course he looks up to me. I'm his big brother."

"No, I know other families, Cade, and no one's little brother looks up to them even a fraction of the way Nolan looks up to you. You're closer to him than Mom is, and way closer to him than Dad. And he feels that way for a reason. Most guys treat their little brothers like shit, or like pests, and bully them, or just ignore them. You always put him first. You're so patient with him, and you treat him like you would do anything for him and like he's the most important thing in the world to you. It's why I could never hate you. You're so good to him that you can't be a jerk, even if you're a conceited little shit and a self-centered spoiled brat in every other way."

"I'm not a spoiled brat."

"Yeah, right. Grandma gives me her old car, with a big dent in it, like an afterthought two months after my birthday, and then the day you turn 16, they give you a brand new jeep with literally every option money can buy, and tricked-out tires and stereo that probably cost more than my car is worth. Jesus, you are so spoiled you don't even see it."

"Yeah, but ... I mean, girls don't care about cars the way guys do, and Mom said Grandpa was just living vicariously through me."

"That's even worse. Because you're the boy, right? And that just makes you that much more special. It's not fair."

"Okay, I never really thought about that. I guess you're right, it isn't fair, and I can see why you would feel hurt. I just really don't think Grandpa meant it that way. He's just old-fashioned."

"The thing is, Cade, you look like a fucking male model, teen edition, only better-looking. That's what hurts the most. I mean, being treated second best because I'm the girl is one thing, that's just the way it is. But the fact that you're so good-looking just reminds me that I'm not, and that that's why everyone falls all over each other to be with you and to spoil you."

"That's not the way I see myself, Laine, and I can't believe you see me that way. You're making me feel guilty. I didn't ask for anyone to treat me better than you, and I don't feel better than you. I thought you couldn't care less what I did, and you hid all of this really well, because you always seem so ... I don't know, disdainful and above it all."

"That's just an act, Cade, because I don't want anyone to know how much it hurts."

"Then why are you telling me all this?"

"Fuck, I don't know, Cade. I guess because we found out we were crushing on the same boy, and you opened up to me and showed me your vulnerable side, it all just came pouring out. I'm sorry to spew all that in your lap when you're dealing with your own shit. And I swear to God I will have your back at school. I may not be the center of everyone's attention the way you are, but I have a few friends, and they're real friends who will have your back, too."

"I just wish I knew who'll have my back and who won't. I can't really do much about it, and I hate that."

"I'm not so sure about your other friends, Cade, but I know Jessica will stand by you, and she isn't someone most people want to go up against. It'll be hard at first, but it won't be just you and Mitchell against the world."

"God, I hope not. I just want to throw a force field around him and protect him from whatever comes at us. He doesn't have any friends here yet, and he's not exactly tough-looking, so I'm afraid guys will single him out to mess with. Jarred Hammond already had a run at him."

"Jarred was probably just trying to deal with the frustration of having a hard-on for a cute boy, and not knowing what to do about it. Just based on the guys he chooses to bully, I'm betting he's attracted to certain boys, and he's taking his frustrations out on the kind of boys he finds attractive."

"Shit, I hope not, for his sake."

"Why is that?"

"You know how his dad and brothers are. They would crucify him. I'm sure they make his life hell already. I mean, yeah, he's a bully, but I know where he gets it from, and he's a pretty incompetent bully, so there's that. His brothers are ten times worse, and they actually hurt the guys they bully. Jarred just gets in their faces and pushes them around. He's an asshole, but I still feel sorry for him."

"It's a shame, because he's not bad looking, and in his own stocky, cocky little way, he's kind of hot, but he's such a dick that no one will ever want to be with him."

"Okay, I'll try to ignore the fact that you said Jarred Hammond is kind of hot."

"Hey, if you were a girl, you would get it. It's the way he struts around with his jaw set and his chest out, and his cocky little walk, and the fact that he always gives such a realistic impression of a walking talking erect penis. And even that greasy rust-colored hair of his is kind of hot. Or it would be if he shampooed it a little more often. Plus he has those cute little freckles and pretty pale blue eyes that totally undermine his tough guy act."

"Yeah, I'm gay, but I don't get it, so I guess you have to be a girl to get it. And I'm really glad I'm not."

"He'll probably come after you the second he finds out you're gay, though, Cade, so watch your back."

"I know that will change things for sure. He hasn't really messed with me since that bloody nose job I gave him way back when, but he may rethink that when he finds out I'm gay, even though he knows that I know how to fight. I'm not worried about me, though, I'm worried about Mitchell."

"Mitchell's way better off with you by his side than he would be out on his own, which is where he soon would have been if you guys hadn't gotten together. And he's dealt with this shit before, at his old school, so he's going to be prepared for it."

"What did you hear?"

"Just that he was bullied, and his mom made a huge stink about it and pulled him out of school. That's why they moved here. So far it's just the track team and their girlfriends who know, but it won't take long to spread all over school."

"Yeah, Jessica heard a rumor already, too, so it's obviously out there. But it's kind of beside the point now anyway, because the two of us together are about to be front page news, not a rumor running through the grapevine."

"Yeah, you're right, Cade. I hate to say it, but even to me this is just about the biggest bombshell to drop the whole time I've been in High School, and you're my little brother, so I don't see you as some kind of big deal or newsworthy hotshot the way most people do. But it will be an even bigger deal to everyone else. Just try to stay strong, and look out for Mitchell, and keep your friends as close as you can until all this blows over. You're a strong person, and you can do it."

"I sure hope so. It would kill me if Mitchell got hurt, and I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I let that happen."

"All you can do is your best, Cade, and your best is usually pretty good, so don't worry too much in advance."

"Thanks, Laine. I'm glad you don't think I'm handicapped or confused like Mom and Dad do, and I'm glad you're on my side at school."

"Did they really say that?"

"Yeah. Handicapped was Mom's word, but at least she believed me. Dad just thought it was some cool new thing to say you're gay, I guess to cover up the fact that you're secretly making porn videos with cheerleaders. And when that didn't hold up, he tried to convince me that I needed more time to think about it before I decided to be gay. Or at least he pretended that's what he thought, because the other alternative, that I know damn well I'm gay because I'm in love with a boy and want to suck his dick, is so hard to accept."

"Do you really want to suck his dick?"

Cade started to blush, and then nodded.

"I never would have believed it if you had told me this would happen today, but yeah, the second I saw it, I wanted to suck it. The idea of doing that almost never crossed my mind, and the few times it did, the thought of it always disgusted me, so I've never paid attention to guys' dicks except to notice how big they were. But somehow, because it's his dick, and he's so beautiful to me, and perfect in every way, and I'm so in love with him, everything about him is ... mouthwatering."

"That's so sweet. It's weird, but when you talk about him, the sexy things like that sound romantic, and the romantic things sound so sexy, I almost can't tell which is which. I would kill to feel that way about a guy, or have a guy feel that way about me. You're so lucky, Cade."

"Believe me, I know. Like ... I don't really understand it, but .. today after we finished fooling around, I was looking at him lying there naked, and feeling blown away by how perfect his body is, and he had this little red scab about the size of a nickel on his knee, and even that fucking scab seemed sexy and perfect to me. It's like someone put a spell on me, and made everything about him irresistible."

"Okay, now you got me thinking about what he looks like naked. I mean, I've seen him in his skimpy little running shorts and tank top, but that still left a bit to the imagination. I can't quite picture him."

"That's the way I felt too ... until I saw him for myself, and then ... I almost couldn't believe it. I mean, you know how they say something takes your breath away? It was like that. I can't describe him, though, because ... I guess I just don't see him objectively. It's so weird. Even though his legs and ass look pretty strong, like a runner's, his upper body is kind of ... less developed ... but to me, even that has suddenly become sexy, too, because it's part of his body, and that's what the guy I'm in love with looks like. And his dick is the same way. It's his, so it's perfect."

"I guess it must be, if you want to suck it. I mean, I like sex, but guys' dicks still look kind of bizarre and alien to me, and not exactly like something I want to suck."

"It's so weird, because I always wondered how guys could eat girls out, or how girls could suck guys' dicks, let alone how anyone could possibly ever make themselves, like, lick someone's butt hole, and I figured it was just a trade-off, like you took one for the team, which maybe it is most of the time, but not if you're totally in love with someone, and everything about them becomes irresistible to you."

"I honestly doubt most people ever feel that way, Cade. It's probably just one more way that you won the lottery. Not just falling in love with the guy you were crushing on, and getting to be with him, but being able to feel that way about all his little flaws and imperfections."

"That's just it, to me they're not flaws and imperfections, they're totally cute and adorable and sexy and perfect. I seriously wouldn't change a single thing about him. And it's not just his body, it's everything about him, his voice, the way he talks, and these little looks he gives me, and just ... the way he is. It's so weird, but it's every little thing. Like the tiniest details. Like the way his hair falls in his eyes, and he'll push it out of the way and a few seconds later, it happens again. And when I see that, I want to be the one who does that."

"Yeah, that is totally adorable, and I have to say, I've been having a really hard time keeping my hands off his hair too. It's like he escaped from a shampoo commercial."

"And I swear, there's no irritating little thing about him that I would change either. You know how there's always something that irritates you about someone? Like with Jessica, it's this little thing she does with her mouth."

"Kind of pursing her lips?"

"Yeah, that. Or Mom does that that thing with her jaw."

"And Nolan picks his nose, like right in front of you."

"No, Laine, that's sweet! He's so cute about it, he forgets it's kind of gross because he doesn't see the difference between doing it in private and doing it in front of people he loves. He doesn't do that in front of other people anymore. He and I talked about it, and I explained to him that I picked my nose too, but in private."

"See, there it is. You're the same way about Nolan that you are about Mitchell, except without the sex. Nolan can do no wrong in your eyes, and everything he does is sweet and cute and adorable because you adore him."

"Maybe, except Nolan really is sweet and cute and adorable. It's not like with Mitchell's little scab, where my feelings for him are completely distorting the way I see it."

"Nolan isn't as adorable to me as he is to you. I mean, don't get me wrong, because I love him, but he can be a little shit to me sometimes, especially if I say something to you or about you that he thinks is putting you down. He has flat out been hateful to me when I've done that."

"Laine, it's not too late for you to be closer to Nolan. He's only 9, he's not going to be hard to win over if you make an effort. Please just try, okay? Look at us, we've never been close, and suddenly we're talking like this. Who would have believed it before?"

"I'll try, Cade. It's just that ... the fact that you and I weren't close, and Nolan and I weren't close, and you and Nolan were so close, has always just reinforced all my feelings of being rejected by my family while you're always favored. That's why I'm almost never here. It's like I walk into the house and no one notices."

"Nolan notices you more than you think, he just doesn't understand what's wrong. He and I have talked about this a lot. Every family is screwed up, Laine. It's not just us. Look at some of our friends. Shit, we're like minor league compared to the Allens or the Taylors. Every family puts on an act for other people, but almost every family you get to know well enough to see behind the act is a mess."

"Yeah, I know. You're right, okay? And I really appreciate the way you opened up to me tonight. I feel close to you, and I haven't felt that way about anyone in my family for a long time, so it's really, really nice. And I'm sorry I said you were a little shit. You don't treat people like you're better than them, it's other people who treat you like you're better than everybody else, and sometimes it's hard to tell those things apart. Especially for me, because I've always been filled with envy. But I really do love you, Cade."

"Okay, Laine. I love you too. I'm sorry it took so long for us to figure things out. Maybe this gay thing is more potent than people think, huh?"

"It's going to shake things up at school, too, and I have a feeling that your surprise may not be the only one we see before this is all over."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't say for sure. We just have to wait and see."

"Okay. Night, Laine."

"Night, Cade. Get some sleep."

8

Before he went to sleep, Cade called Mitchell, and they talked for an hour or so.

"So how did it go?"

"Good in some cases, and so-so in others."

"Which ones were good?"

"My brother and sister."

"How was your brother?"

"Nolan was his usual sweet self. Full of innocent questions. He didn't think it was one bit strange that I was in love with a boy, or that I kissed you, but then after that, when I asked him how I should break it to my parents that I'm gay, he was so shocked to hear that I was gay. Evidently one of his little friends' brothers is gay, and he somehow got it into his head that the gay brother went to a gay college. It was so cute, I didn't have the heart to break it to him that there's no such thing. Or at least, none that I know of."

"You told him you're in love with me?"

"Yeah, Mitchell, I'm sorry but I just can't hide what's in my heart from my little brother, because he's in there, too."

"Don't be sorry, that's really awesome, and I'm glad that you told him. And I'm in love with you, too."

"You are?"

"Yeah. I wasn't going to fall in love with you, just in case it all turned out to be a dream, but at some point I stopped pinching myself. I mean, if it was a dream, I'd have woken up by now with a massive sticky wet spot on the front of my peejays."

"You wear PJs?"

"No, not really. Maybe on Christmas Eve, but that's about it."

"Yeah, me too. And I definitely won't be wearing any when I sleep with you."

"When will that be?"

"The first chance I get."

"Okay, I'll see what I can do. We're a little old for sleepovers, but maybe we can come up with another name for them. I'm afraid my mom will be there, too, but at least now she knows to knock."

"Yeah, hopefully she learned her lesson. I know I did."

"Which lesson was that?"

"Never fall asleep naked in your boyfriend's arms right before his mom comes home. Or only do that if the door is closed and locked. And always have something handy to cover up with if the lock doesn't work."

"Okay, just checking."

"Anyway, a sleepover with you would be amazing, whatever we called it."

"Yeah, I know. Now I won't be able to stop thinking about it."

"Maybe this weekend?"

"I'll ask my mom, but I'm sure she'll say yes. She was so impressed with you, she couldn't stop talking about you."

"Haha. Okay, I don't want to hear about that."

"I was afraid she was about to ask me how big you are."

"At least she waited until I left."

"No, actually, she didn't say much more about it after you left. Really. And it was all good."

"So what would you say if she asked?"

"I guess I'd just say he's, like, an inch or two bigger than me, but I haven't actually measured it with a ruler yet. We've only been boyfriends for like one day, though. Give me at least a week. That's about when the ruler comes out, right? Like, let me see what I got to work with here."

"Yeah, good answer. Always leave something to the imagination."

"It's a little late for that, Cade. Thanks to our little nap."

"Yeah, but I wasn't at my most impressive when she saw me. And the moment I realized she was there, I felt my balls being sucked up into my gut."

"You were seriously that scared?"

"I'm not sure how scared I was, because I was so embarrassed, but then she just started talking to us like we weren't completely naked, and I realized that it probably wasn't as bad as it seemed at first."

"Yeah, my mom is pretty ... liberal, I guess you could say, about nudity, and about the gay thing and about sex in general."

"Thank god. I mean, it would have been a nightmare if she hadn't been okay with it."

"Yeah, but she was. I mean, in the end, she was really happy for us, once she found out how you felt about me. That's been her big worry. Not that I wouldn't find anyone, but that I'd find someone who would just want to use me for sex, and wouldn't have any feelings for me."

"I'm glad I passed her test."

"You did. She told me you're a keeper, and not just because you're gorgeous, and have a great-looking dick, but because she could tell you're a good person, and would be good to me."

"Now I just have to live up to her first impression of me, and I'm golden."

"Yeah, maybe not her first impression, but for sure the second one."

"Haha."

"Although the first one was good too, just not in the same way."

"Hey, you were naked too, why is the spotlight always on me?"

"Because she's my mom, not yours, so she's never seen you naked before, but she's seen me naked plenty of times."

"Recently?"

"No, not for a couple of years, but still."

"I'm sure there must have been a few changes since then."

"A few. But I'm sure she wasn't focused on me the way she was on you."

"If you don't shut up about it, I won't be able to look her in the eye."

"You don't have to worry about that, Cade. She totally approves of you. I mean, she basically said she wants us to ... you know... be together at my house."

"Yeah, I know, and I was totally on board with that."

"Me too."

"Especially if it's a sleepover. And I don't just want to sleep with you so we can fool around more. I mean, we can already fool around all we want after school, right? But falling asleep with my arms around you and waking up next to you in bed in the morning and just cuddling up to you would be ... so incredible."

"Even if we weren't naked, and had to wear goofy-looking pajamas?"

"Yeah, even then. Just ... being together like that."

"I think my PJs have like, a slit-thingie, too."

"A fly?"

"Yeah, that. Just in case."

Cade laughed.

"Okay, that's good to know."

Cade could feel the phone's warmth against his ear, and he felt a slight ache, as if that reminded him of the warmth he was missing.

"God, I wish I could hold you right now, Mitchell."

"Me too."

They didn't say anything for a while, and it didn't seem to matter, because they were still listening to each other.

"So Nolan was okay with you being gay, even if it means you have to go to a gay college?"

"Hey, I said I'd look into it, and I will. I mean, you never know. Maybe like out in California or something. Nolan sounded like he knew what he was talking about. And at least he knew his friend's big brother was gay, which was news to me. What do I know? I didn't even know I was gay."

"Were you able to at least keep a straight face?"

"Yeah. Sometimes it's so hard not to laugh at him, but I've trained myself not to, because the only reason he talks to me the way he does is because he trusts me. I mean, I've worked so hard at it, ever since he was just learning to talk, and that's one reason we're so close. Even when he was little and used to come out with the most hilarious things, I never laughed at him."

"I love the way you talk about your brother. I can't wait to meet him, and I hope he likes me."

"He'll love you, and you'll love him, you'll see."

"So what about your sister?"

"Laine was a huge surprise."

"Laine is your sister? I know her! I never would have guessed she was your sister."

"Yeah, she was shocked when she found out it was you."

"What did she say?"

"She went on and on about how cute you were, and listed all the things that were adorable about you, and I just sat there in awe, because everything she mentioned about you was something I was hung up on when I was crushing on you, almost like we both had the same genetic predisposition or something."

"Wait, you're not crushing on me anymore?"

"No, the crush only lasts until you get your guy. Then the real thing replaces the crush. That seems to be how it works. I got my guy, so I'm good now. There's no need to crush. This is way more relaxing. It's kind of stressful having a crush."

"I guess you have a lot of experience with this stuff."

"Yeah, I'm at least a few days ahead of you, because I saw you first. Or maybe Laine did, but she's a girl, so too bad, so sad for her. She's still stuck with the crush."

"Seriously? I mean I knew she thought I was cute, because she said so, but I thought she was just being, oh he's so cute, you know, like a puppy, since she's older than me."

"Well, maybe a little bit, but if you ever wanted to try being bi, she'd be there for you. And she wouldn't be the only girl who would want to help you try to be bi. So be careful."

"Nah, I'm good being gay. And it sounds tiring to be bi. Plus, I have the guy of my dreams too, so there's that."

"Yeah, there's that."

"I'm, like, stealing all your little expressions already."

"That's okay. It's actually kind of cute."

"So was she surprised to hear you're gay?"

"Yeah, she was really shocked. And when I told her how I felt about you, and how just kissing you answered all my questions, she was so ... happy for me, and so great about it, and we really bonded over it. Which is so weird, because we've never been close. And tonight she told me that she's always been really jealous of me because everybody treats me like I'm special, and she's second-best, and I got a new jeep, and she got a banged-up hand-me-down car, and she's always been really jealous of how close Nolan and I are. It was so unexpected to me, because she was always so, I don't know ... aloof or something, like she couldn't be bothered to care what I was doing."

"I don't really know her that well beyond saying hi to her and chatting with her for a few minutes before practice, but I like Laine. She always goes out of her way to be friendly, and she's funny and seems kind of ... down to earth I guess. She and James, my teammate, are tight, and James has been kind of looking out for me with the guys on our team and running interference for me. I kind of wonder about him, too, because he's really close friends with this guy named Joey, and the way James stood up for me made me wonder if he was gay too."

"Yeah, if he is, it's news to me. James is a good guy, though, either way. It doesn't surprise me at all that he stood up for you. I don't know him that well, because he's in Laine's grade, but what I know is all good. When I was in 6th grade, he was one of the only 8th graders who would like, step in, when the guys in his grade would push around the younger boys. He doesn't like bullies, and even though that was before he got so tall, he still stepped up and said what he had to say and did what he had to do."

"Yeah, I admire him for that. He did that for me, too, at the track meet. Like he didn't even hesitate. I wish I was more like that. I'm kind of a coward. I really started to get down on myself about that at my old school when I was getting bullied a lot, but that just made it worse."

"You're not a coward just because you feel that way when you're being bullied. I just wish I'd been there, Mitchell. It really makes me angry to think about someone bullying you."

"Yeah, but then you would have got beat on, too."

"I wouldn't care."

"I know. But I'm glad you weren't there. And that now we're here. Because here is so much better than there. And here I have you."

"Yeah. It turned out okay, didn't it?"

"More than okay. It's like ... if I could have dreamed up someone to be with, I wouldn't have even come close, you're so much better than I could have dreamed."

"That's the way I feel, too."

They didn't say anything for a while.

"So how did your parents take it?"

"Oh god, they were so confused about it. My mom wondered if it was her fault, like she'd failed me somehow, but she said she didn't blame me, because even if being gay was unfortunate, or a handicap, it probably all went wrong when I was a little kid."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, it was all really cringeworthy. But the worst part was when she told me she actually wasn't completely unprepared for it, because when I was little I used to be way too loving and affectionate to Nolan, and I liked to hold him and cuddle him and take care of him and bathe him and do all that good stuff that moms do with babies, so obviously even back then, I was trying to get the gay on in my own seven- and eight-year-old way. Basically she thinks gay guys are just very feminine guys. It was so cringey. And when I asked her if she knew any gay men, she said yeah, her hairdresser, so what could I say?"

"Hey, he probably does a better job, too. Being gay and all."

"I know, right? It's just so annoying. If your definition of gay men is based on a stereotype, then anyone who isn't like that can't be gay, so your idea that all gay men are like that is confirmed by what you see. I mean, there's nothing wrong with having a gay accent, or being a hairdresser, but it just sucks that that's how her television shows have programmed her to define gay guys. It's like, without the gay accent and the laugh track, you can't really be gay."

"So she wasn't all that surprised?"

"Oh, she was surprised, alright. It's just that I guess she'd been worrying about it for a while after Nolan was born."

"Then when did she stop worrying about it?"

"Okay, that part is just as bad. So when I told them I had a boyfriend, my Mom immediately asked, so are you saying that you're gay, and I said yeah, I'm gay, but my dad jumped in and said no, you're not gay."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, and when I asked him why not, he said, because everyone in town knows you've been having sex with cheerleaders since you were 14, and there's video to prove it."

"What!"

"That part is actually true. There's this video, and some stills from it, that someone took with their phone when I was in the back seat of a car out at the lake early on in my Freshman year. They just stuck their hand in there and got a few seconds of my ass humping up and down and a little glimpse of cheerleader breast and that was it, but that video, and the stills from it, got shared around for a while, and evidently someone eventually sent a copy of it to my dad at work, so he knew about it."

"Shit!"

"Yeah, so I guess that was when my parents sort of stopped worrying that I might be gay."

Mitchell started laughing.

"I'm sorry, it's just ... that's so ... bad. I mean, it wouldn't be that funny ... if you weren't, you know ... gay!"

"I know, right? They just can't catch a break!"

"They did everything right ... even letting you hump those cheerleaders out at the lake ... and look how you turned out!"

They were both laughing so hard that Cade had to pull the phone away from his ear and wipe the tears from his eyes.

Eventually they laughed themselves out, though.

"So anyway, it wasn't what I was hoping for, but it could have been way worse. My mom was so focused on the fact that it wasn't totally her fault, even if it happened on her watch, and my dad was grasping at straws and trying to cling to the fact that at least his son screwed a few cheerleaders, and was able to get it up, so no one can say that the equipment I inherited from him wasn't in working order."

"In a way that's good, though, right? I mean, maybe they didn't have a real issue with it, and they were just trying to understand it. In their own slightly confused way."

"Well, yes and no. The real issue they had was that they really don't want us to come out tomorrow, but when I explained that you were about to be outed anyway, and that there was no way I would consider letting you go through that on your own, my dad sort of got quiet, and I think he got it, because he said he understood why I felt I was doing the right thing, even if he didn't want me to do it. He totally stopped arguing with me after I explained it to him, though, which was his way of admitting that he knew he had lost the argument, even if he still thought he was right."

"Shit, I'm sorry, Cade. I wish we had more time to figure this out. Maybe we could just give it a few more days?"

"I'd really rather do it now, as long as you're ready for it now. If we wait until people start talking or asking, it will seem like we were forced into it, and I don't feel that way. I'm totally blown away by the fact that you're my boyfriend, and I want people to know about it. I mean ... not people who are going to hate me for it, obviously, but everyone else, who will be happy for me too, like Jessica, or just won't care either way.

"I'm sure pretty much everyone will care, Cade. Especially all those girls whose dreams will never come true now."

"They'll care for about five minutes anyway."

"Seriously, though, I just don't want you to feel forced into coming out just because I am."

"It's not like that, Mitchell. We're together, and whatever happens to you happens to me too. It's not two separate things. If we were sure we could keep it to ourselves for a few months, I would want that, just because the way it is right now is so perfect, and I know some people will try to mess that up if they can, but once you're outed, as soon as we start spending time together anywhere at school or in town, people will start to talk, and ask if we're a couple. And I guarantee you, it will be the assholes who will ask that question, and not in a nice way, which will mean that we either have to get into it with them or let those assholes decide our coming out, and be part of it, which I really don't want."

"I really don't want that either. I know what that's like, and it sucks. But I honestly don't care that much what people think as long as we're together. It won't bother me the way it did when I was on my own."

"To me it just makes sense to come out now and avoid having to do it later when people will think we didn't want anyone to know because we're ashamed of it, which is totally untrue."

"So far, the way the track team took it makes me think it will be okay here, and anyway, it's happening either way, so it will be way better to come out with you now than to wait until I'm outed by random assholes a few days later and then have you outed afterward when random assholes ask you if you're my boyfriend."

"Exactly. So let's do it."

"In a weird way, I'm kind of looking forward to it. I mean, I know we're going to get some shit, because some guys are so threatened by it, but that's life. They have to deal with reality, and so do we. We have to deal with them being assholes, and they have to deal with us being gay."

"Yeah, exactly. And if our luck holds, the shit we get will be made up for by the good stuff, like being able to eat lunch together, and stop and talk to each other in the hall and just ... be with each other ... and not have to worry whether the way we feel about each other is visible to other people. I want that so bad. And even before I knew you, I couldn't completely hide the way I was crushing on you, so it would be a lost cause now that we're actually together. All people will have to do is look at the way I look at you, and they'll know how I feel about you, so why not just lead with that?"

"I want that, too."

"Anyway, it's going to be great eventually. And if it's not, we can always find out where that gay college is, and go hang out with Nolan's little friend's big brother."

"Okay, I'm up for that. But if it exists, it's probably not all that easy to get into."

"Yeah, I know. Nolan said they even have a test, to make sure you're really gay."

"Actually, that part sounds like fun. I mean, how hard can that test be?"

"I know, right? Maybe they show you pictures of hot guys and see if your dick gets hard."

"Pretty sure I can ace that test. Or my dick can, anyway."

"Yeah, but it's really your brain that makes your dick hard. Who knew?"

"That's why when you think about the right thing, your dick responds appropriately."

"Or inappropriately, depending on where you are at the time."

"Yeah, like in math class doing a problem up at the board."

"Did that actually happen to you?"

"No, it was this other kid in 7th grade, and I felt so bad for him. I actually liked him a lot and thought he was really cute, but he proved he was straight that day, because he was blushing really bad when his partner was whispering something in his ear, and I'm pretty sure she was the one he was thinking of when he had the ... inappropriate response. And wow, was it ever obvious. For some reason, it just really stuck out in his pants. He was blushing so bad, his face turned bright red."

"Yeah, that would be bad. I had problems like that at my desk, and a few times I had to delay getting up after the bell rang, but I never sprung a boner at the front of the class."

"What about in the showers?"

"Not really. I mean, I didn't really get hard looking at boys that way back then. Don't get me wrong, I liked to look at them, and I crushed on a few boys back then, but it didn't make my dick hard, so I didn't get that it was a gay thing. Or a sign, as my mom would say."

"What about now?"

"Now my dick gets hard just talking to you on the phone."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. I would send you a picture to prove it to you, but that might be illegal."

"That's okay. I guess I've seen enough of your dick for one day. I mean, enough to get me through the night."

"Hopefully it won't give you nightmares."

"No, just sweet dreams."

"Okay, I guess I better let you get started on them."

"You too, Cade."

9

In the morning, Cade got up a little early, and swung by Mitchell's house and parked. He rang the doorbell, and Mitchell's mom answered the door.

"Good morning, Cade. Come on in and sit down. Mitchell is almost finished eating breakfast."

He followed her into the kitchen and sat down at the table next to his boyfriend and leaned over and kissed him on the corner of his mouth, which had milk on it.

Something about that little spot of milk at the corner of Mitchell's mouth made Cade ache to pull his boyfriend into his lap and hold him in his arms and kiss him like he'd never been kissed, and if Mitchell's mom hadn't been watching, he wouldn't have been able to stop himself from doing it.

"Can I offer you some coffee, Cade, or some orange juice, or a piece of fruit or toast?"

"No thanks. Well, maybe one of those strawberries."

"Good choice. Much better for you than that junk food Mitchell is filling his flat little tummy with."

"Shut up, Mom."

The boy stood up and slurped down the last of his cereal and then leaned over and kissed Cade on the mouth before Cade was finished chewing the strawberry.

"Yum, strawberry kisses. I'll have one too after I brush my teeth."

"Okay, that's a weird order to do things in, but whatever works."

"It works if you have clean teeth and then you eat a strawberry right before you kiss your boyfriend. You should know that, because you just did it. Or I did it for you."

"Good to know that you know what you're doing, dude."

"I do."

He hurried back to his room, and returned with his toothbrush sticking out of his mouth, then leaned over and spat into the kitchen sink and dropped the toothbrush on the counter before rinsing his mouth out with a handful of water and spitting that out too. Then he grabbed a strawberry and popped it in his mouth and bit down on it before stepping over to Cade and giving him another strawberry-laden kiss, and then pulling away.

"Okay, let's go, Cade."

"Sorry I kept you waiting, Mitchell."

"Just don't let it happen again."

When they got to the door, Mitchell's mom held her son back and gave him a hug and then put her hands on his shoulders and looked into his eyes for a long moment, before kissing him on the cheek and turning him toward the door.

By the time they got to school, it was a little over 10 minutes before school started, and the student center was already full of kids milling around and huddled together in little groups.

Cade put his hand on Mitchell's shoulder and steered him over to where Jessica was waiting for him.

"Damn, Cade, you work fast. Hi, Mitchell, I'm Jessica."

"Hi, Jessica."

Jessica looked at Mitchell for a long moment and then turned her eyes to Cade.

"So I take it you two got to know each other better."

"You could say that."

Cade stepped closer to Mitchell and stood right behind him and wrapped his arms possessively around the boy's waist, and pulled him back against his chest, and then leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, as Jessica's jaw dropped in shock, and remained there for about 5 seconds before she closed her mouth and composed herself.

"I tell you to try to spend time with him and get to know him, and just like that, you're a couple? I hate you! Seriously, when will life ever treat you like everyone else?"

Cade grinned at her, and didn't let go of his boyfriend, even though the people around them were already registering various degrees of shock at the sight of him standing there with his chin resting on Mitchell's head and his hands laced together just above the boy's narrow belt buckle.

"I was about to ask you if you were coming out, but I guess you just did."

"Maybe not all the way out. But we just got here, give us time."

"Mitchell, how did you do it? I mean, I barely managed to convince this guy he might be gay the other day, and I figured it would take him months of soul-searching to get up the nerve to ask you out on a date. What's your secret?"

He had a huge smile on his face, but he just shook his head.

"Mitchell's secret weapon is his eyes. He knows I can't resist them, and he takes unfair advantage."

Mitchell turned his head and looked up at Cade with a smirk on his face as Cade held him tighter.

"You're just lucky that's all I've taken so far. And what about that date? All I got was a slurpy with a cherry on top and a ride home."

Jessica laughed.

"Sorry, Mitchell, you just got the Cade Randall version of a cheap date. It can only get better from there."

"You sound like you speak from experience."

"Trust me, I do."

"So do you have any advice for me?"

"If you want to get into his pants, make sure he's not wearing a swimsuit, or he might have flashbacks to one of his old porn videos."

"Okay, thanks, I'll keep that in mind."

"God, I can't get over how good you two look together. You just ... fit together. And I don't know about you, Mitchell, but I'm pretty sure I've never seen Cade Randall this happy before."

Mitchell turned his head and craned his neck to look up at his boyfriend again.

"Oh, I've seen him happier before."

Cade looked down at him in alarm.

"Hey! That's private."

Jessica just laughed at him.

"Not anymore, Cade."

Then the early bell rang, and Mitchell turned around in Cade's arms and looked up into his eyes, and Cade leaned over to kiss him, and they held each other and kissed like that for a few moments, and then gave each other a squeeze and let go of each other and went their separate ways.

"See you at lunch, Jessica."

"Yeah, good luck, you two."

In Cade's first class, there were varied reactions, from grinning high-fives to awkward smiles, and from studied indifference to muttering hostility, and that's how it went all morning. A couple of girls smiled at him and told him that they thought Mitchell was really cute, and for some reason that gave Cade a warm feeling toward them.

He met Mitchell at his locker between classes, and they only kissed a couple more times, just before the bell rang, when there were fewer people around, even if every eye was on them, but even so, they were in their own little world, and it showed. A long, drawn-out make-out session wouldn't have been nearly as intimate, because it would have been performed for other people's benefit, instead of because other people didn't matter. And even when they didn't kiss, as they leaned against the lockers and looked into each other's eyes, it was obvious to anyone watching that for them, at that moment, no one else really existed, and nothing could have been more intimate than that.

When lunchtime finally arrived, they walked side by side from Mitchell's locker to the cafeteria, and went through the line together, maybe a little closer together than they had to be. One of the lunch ladies seemed a little hostile when she served them, but for all they knew, she could have been having a bad day. It didn't really matter to them, and they paid for their meals and made their way over to where Jessica was sitting waiting for them.

"Hey guys, how did the morning go?"

"Better than I expected."

How about you, Mitchell?"

"Yeah, so far so good. I didn't get messed with at all. A lot of girls are really jealous of me, though, that's for sure. Probably all of them, but I'm just talking about the ones who said they were."

"Who's jealous of you?"

He smiled.

"Hey, that's confidential. When a girl tells you she has a thing for your boyfriend, you just smile and keep it to yourself."

"Come on, Mitchell. You know we would tell you if someone besides Cade had the hots for you."

"Actually, Jessica, I'm not sure I would. I mean, it could make things awkward."

"Whose side are you on, Cade?"

"My side."

Mitchell shot Cade a dirty look, and then realized that Cade was serious.

"Alright, who is it, Cade?"

"I don't want to tell you their names right now, but a couple of girls told me they thought you were really cute."

"I'll get it out of you later."

"Okay, that sounds like fun.".

"So no one gave you guys shit?" Jessica looked back and forth between them.

Cade shrugged.

"Not really. I mean, a few dirty looks, and some muttering, but mostly it was just shock and confusion, like the idea of me having a boyfriend was against the laws of physics."

"Mitchell?"

"Yeah, there was some definite tension, but mostly people just left me alone, even though they kept looking at me, and I knew they were talking about it or thinking about it, anyway. They don't really know me yet, so it's not such a huge adjustment for them. Before I was that new track kid, and now I'm that new gay track kid. The big news is all about who my boyfriend is. I'm like a footnote in the gossip about my own love life. Which is fine. I don't want to be the center of attention. Especially not that kind of attention."

"Do you wish we hadn't kissed?"

"No way, I loved that. Plus now that we're out, we're gonna get attention whether we kiss or not, so we might as well do what feels right to us, and not worry about what people think. Anyway, it's different when I'm with you, and people are paying attention to me because of that. I just don't like to be alone in the spotlight with all that tension in the room. That's how it was at my old school, when I wasn't getting tripped and cussed out and pushed into walls, so I kind of associate that feeling with something bad happening."

Cade snaked his arm around Mitchell's side.

"I just wish you hadn't gone through that."

"Yeah, but ... that's why I'm here ... with you. I mean, we never would have met any other way. Because my mom asked around, and this school is supposed to be better, and so far, it is."

Cade nodded.

"Yeah, this school has already been through some of those battles a few years ago, from what I heard, and I guess it's better now. I mean, I hope it is. So far it seems like it. They got a new Principal a few years ago, and it seems like he at least pays lip service."

"Plus they can't afford any more lawsuits", Jessica cynically pointed out.

"Yeah, there's that."

"It's not like it's all out of the goodness of their hearts."

"I know."

When their lunch period was over, they headed back to the student center and just talked for a while, and then, when the bell rang, went their separate ways. They didn't kiss this time, just stood there close enough to touch each other, without quite touching, and even if everyone was looking at them, there was really nothing to see, unless you counted the way they looked at each other, and the fact that they were obviously in love.

10

Cade's classes went more or less the same way in the afternoon as they had in the morning, but he was a little nervous about what it would be like in the locker room when he changed into his tennis gear before practice, and the atmosphere there was definitely a bit more charged, as he noticed the moment he walked into the room and dropped his bag on the bench. The tennis team was small enough that they just changed in the smaller locker room with the basketball team, and shared the same showers, but their right to be there was never fully acknowledged by some of the basketball players, so there was often a kind of informal divide, with the tennis players changing in one corner.

Cade got a mixture of curious looks and mocking salutations from a few basketball players, but Trey Ellis, the Captain of the basketball team, set the tone with his running commentary.

"Damn, Randall, it's totally unfair that you get the hottest cheerleaders and the cutest Freshman boys too. I've seen that kid's tight little ass zipping around the track, and if I had to be gay, I would be all over that just like you. Is it as tight inside as it looks on the outside?"

"I wouldn't know."

"What? is he holding out on you? I mean, he can't wave an ass like that around and then hold out on his boyfriend. That's cockteasing, you need to nip that in the bud."

"Well, we just got together, so we're not at that stage yet. And when we get there, he may turn out to be a total top."

"Oh shit, I never thought of that. You're gonna be the bottom boy, and the one sucking dick. Kind of funny, isn't it? After those cheerleaders you tapped, too. I guess maybe you were ready for a change."

"Something like that."

"Seriously, would you really suck his dick?"

"Of course."

"Oh man, pics or it didn't happen. Who has the video?"

"There's no video yet, Ellis. You'll just have to make do with my blurry ass."

"Same ole, same ole. Yeah, that was a classic, but we've all moved on from that. Especially you, right?"

"Definitely."

"I love this shit. I mean who knew? Cade Randall sucking a cute little track bro's dick. I would pay real money to see that."

"You know they have this thing called the internet where you can find all the gay porn you could ever want, and more, right?"

"Yeah, but those guys are not Cade Randall. I mean, without Cade Randall, I don't even want to look. You're hot shit, that's what makes it so great."

"Whatever you say, Ellis."

"Seriously, no disrespect Cade, okay? I mean it takes balls to own it like that and pull it off, and I gotta hand it to you. You just kiss your boy like nobody's business and say there it is, now what you gonna do about it. I respect that."

"Thanks, I guess."

"Alright, enough chitchat, it's time to break in the new boys. Let's go, shitheads!"

He wandered off toward the gym.

None of the guys on the tennis team made comments, although they had all stopped talking to listen to Cade's conversation with Trey. It was as if that rapid-fire exchange had made any other comments unnecessary, and had broken some of the ice that had formed between Cade and his teammates during the day. There were two religious guys he was pretty sure would judge him now that they knew that he was gay and in love with a boy and kissing him and holding hands with him instead of just casually screwing cheerleaders out at the lake, but both were quiet enough guys, and tended to follow rather than lead, so they didn't matter much.

Two of the guys who mattered had always been friendly to Cade, and had taken him under their wings when he was a Freshman, but he still wasn't sure they would feel any real loyalty to him, or how far it would go. Neither of them said anything to him in the locker room, but they probably didn't feel comfortable while they were in there with all the basketball players, and on the way out the door after they all suited up, one of them, Jeff Calloway, had briefly rested his hands on Cade's shoulders and given him a little squeeze, which lifted his spirits.

The way Trey Ellis had talked about Cade's boyfriend, especially the comments about how tight his ass must be, had stuck with Cade, though, not just because it seemed disrespectful to Mitchell, but because it implied that all Cade could possibly want from the boy was his ass. And maybe because Cade, as much as he already felt for Mitchell emotionally, really did have a thing for the boy's butt, he felt guilty about letting that comment pass, or just calmly deflecting it the way he had. It hadn't really offended him at the time, but it bothered him to think that it might have made Mitchell feel bad if he had heard it and been reminded of the way he had been bullied at his old school.

The more Cade thought about it during practice, the more he convinced himself that he had to let Trey know that there was a red line there that he wouldn't let anyone cross, even if it meant a fight, which in this case he was sure he would lose, and definitely couldn't afford right now. At the same time, though, Cade couldn't deny that the half-joking, half-serious locker-room trash talk Trey had subjected him to had worked, in the sense that it had defused the tension in a way and sucked all the oxygen out of the room with a controlled burn that prevented any other fires from breaking out.

Eventually, he saw a chance to have a few words alone with Ellis, and he took it.

"Hey, Ellis, I need a word."

"Uh-oh. Randall looks pissed. Better watch out."

"I'm not pissed. Not yet."

"You didn't like what I said before, huh?"

"Not all of it."

"Which part didn't you like?"

"The part where you talked shit about my boyfriend's tight ass."

"Hey, a fact is a fact. I just call it like I see it. I did you a big favor in there."

"Look, Ellis, I think I get what you were trying to do, and it worked, right? So thanks for that. I know you would have said the same things about my new girlfriend."

"Well, not the same things, but hey, close enough."

"The thing is, if I said that about your new girlfriend in the locker room, and I had a smile on my face, you'd smile too, right?"

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"Yeah. Exactly. But if I said that to your girlfriend's face, you would kick my ass."

"You better believe it."

"The difference is, with my boyfriend, guys will cross that line like it's not even there. And they won't have a smile on their face."

"So?"

"Just think about it. You didn't cross my line, but when I thought about it later, it felt like you came pretty close, and if you'd said those things to my boyfriend, who doesn't know you at all, I might have thought you'd crossed it. I know you'll kick my ass in a fight, but I'll still have to do what I can to make sure it costs you something. And I really don't need any fights right now."

Ellis was quiet for a moment.

"Okay, I hear you. I hadn't thought about it exactly that way, but, hey, he's still one of the guys, he doesn't get a free pass."

"This won't be the first time guys have said that shit to him, and the last time it happened, they were beating on him, too. I'm not about to let that happen again, and I'll have to draw the line when someone says that kind of shit to him if it looks like he's being bullied again. I don't want that someone to be you."

"Hey, I don't want that either. Look, Cade, let me tell you something. Just between you and me, my brother is gay, okay? Except he's not exactly my brother, he's my cousin, but he lived with my mom and grandma and me for a few years, and I see him as my brother. I won't say I know what it's like, but I know what that looks like, and I don't want anyone going through the shit that he did. It won't be me that puts your boy through that. And if I see that, I know which side I'll be on."

"Thanks, Trey. You're a good guy."

"I bet you're glad you don't have to get your ass kicked today, too, right?"

"That too."

"Alright then, lighten up. Let's go hit the showers before all the hot boys get done and there's nothing to see."

Cade hadn't planned to shower that day, but he felt that he had to, since Trey had put it that way, like a joking peace offering. When Cade had undressed and made his way to the showers, the big jock had fallen in with him just before they stepped up into the communal shower cubical, and as they did so, had given Cade a loud hard clap on the ass with his huge hand.

"Come on Randall, you have places to go and dick to suck, so move that sweet ass."

11

After he showered and got dressed again, Cade headed out and took the long way around the outside of the building so he wouldn't cross paths with anyone else on his way to his jeep.

As he made his way past the ramp behind the gym, he looked up and saw Jarred Hammond walking towards him across the little strip of weeds that bordered the side parking lot. He was looking at Cade, but he didn't seem even slightly triumphant, the way Cade had expected. He looked like he was on his way to his own funeral instead of someone else's, and that surprised Cade, since he figured Jarred would be thrilled at the news that Cade was gay, and itching to find a way to rub his nose in it.

Cade stopped walking and set his bag down and waited there as he watched Jarred approach him.

The boy's hair still looked damp from his shower, and he had a button-up short-sleeved checked shirt on over his grey t-shirt. He wasn't a bad-looking kid, with longish red-brown hair, tired blue eyes, a pale complexion with a smattering of freckles on either side of his nose, and a barrel chest that almost made up for how short he was, as if that was the only way he knew to assert himself. He was slightly chubby, but there was quite a bit of muscle just under the surface, and in spite of being so short and stocky and having a bit of a belly, he wasn't at all unattractive.

When he stopped in front of Cade, he looked nervous, and couldn't meet Cade's eye. Cade waited him out for a few moments, but he still didn't say anything.

"What do you want, Jarred?"

The boy just looked at him with a pained expression on his face, as if he didn't know where to start, or hadn't planned this far ahead.

"Just say what you have to say and let's get it over with."

Jarred shuffled his feet, and looked around quickly, as if he needed to make sure they were alone, even though it was obvious that they were.

When he spoke, his voice was a little hoarse.

"I'm ... like you."

"You're gay?"

Jarred looked down at the ground again and kicked a rock with the toe of his shoe, and then nodded.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Holy Fuck. Do you have a boyfriend?"

He snorted.

"Yeah, right."

"Hey, it's not too late. You're only 16."

"Yeah but ..."

"But what?"

He looked up for a moment before looking down again, and Cade was shocked to see that the boy's eyes were moist.

"I'm a piece of shit, so ..."

The boy's voice trailed off as if the last word had nowhere to go.

Cade just stared at him for a moment, and then the expression on his face softened, as a wave of pity for the boy washed over him. When he finally spoke, his voice sounded different than before, more gentle and tentative, as if he had just realized that what he said would actually matter to the boy he was saying it to.

"Dude ... you're not a piece of shit. You're a dick, yeah, but ...."

"What's the difference?"

"That you have a choice about that. Being a dick, I mean."

The boy laughed bitterly.

"Do I?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

"You know my brothers. And my dad's even worse."

"Yeah, but they're not you. You're not like them."

"Right."

"You're not. They're mean as hell, and you're ... messed up."

"That's why."

"Why what?"

"Why I'm ... a piece of shit. And why I can't change it."

"Jarred, that's not true. You can change."

He looked up again briefly, as if he still hoped he was wrong.

"How?"

"I don't know, but I know you can change. If you couldn't change, how could you even have this conversation?"

Jarred shook his head as he looked down at the toe of his shoe and moved another pebble around in a little circle.

"I always thought ... I could change if ..."

"If what?"

The boy shook his head again as he stared at his shoe.

"I ... I can't say it."

"Say what?"

He was silent for a moment, and then he looked up and away, at something on the horizon that wasn't there.

When he finally spoke, his voice seemed to come from somewhere even further away.

"If I had ... you."

He wiped a tear away as he kept his eyes on the horizon.

Cade just looked at him uncomprehendingly for a moment, as if he wasn't sure he had heard what he had heard.

"Oh shit, Jarred."

His jaw dropped as it sunk in.

"You're in love with me."

After a moment, Jarred just nodded.

"For how long?"

The boy sniffed and swallowed, and wiped a few more tears from his eyes with the back of his arm, and then laughed harshly again, like it didn't matter.

"Fifth grade."

"No fucking way. Then why were you always such a dick to me?"

"That's why."

"You couldn't just ... maybe try to be my friend?"

The boy looked down at his feet and shook his head.

"Then why now?"

"Because ... now I know you're ... like me."

"Yeah, but I have a boyfriend. And you were a dick to him too."

"I know."

"Just ... help me understand."

Jarred looked up with his eyes full of tears.

"How can I?"

"You don't understand it yourself?"

He sniffled and looked down again and shook his head.

Cade just looked at him for a moment, and then shook his head and looked away.

"Well fuck."

When he looked back at Jarred, he tried to look him in the eye, but the boy's head was down, and half-turned away.

"Listen, Jarred ... I know you're hurting, but you really need to stop being such a dick to people if you want to stop hurting. It's seriously a bad strategy."

The boy nodded his bowed head.

"So, maybe try that first. And then we'll see. I don't want to promise anything, but who knows? If you try that, and it works, maybe we could be friends."

Jarred nodded at the ground again, and when he spoke, his voice was even hoarser, as if it was just about to give out.

"Okay."

Cade stooped over and pulled a receipt and a pen out of the side of his tennis bag and then straightened up and scribbled his number on the back of the receipt and slipped it into the boy's shirt pocket.

"Look, call me if you want to talk some more. I don't think out here is the best place to do that."

The boy nodded again without looking up, and didn't say anything. Cade stooped over and picked up his bag and then straightened up again and looked down at the top of the boy's bowed head for a moment before he spoke.

"Okay, I'm heading out."

He rested his hand briefly on the boy's meaty shoulder, and then turned and walked away.

When Cade looked back before he stepped around the corner and disappeared from view, the boy was still standing there on the gravel-strewn pavement with his head bowed and his shoulders slumped, and clutching that little scrap of paper in his hand, as if all that he had to hold on to would have to be found there, in a few jagged numbers jotted down with a pen that was running out of ink.

In the other lot, out by Cade's jeep, Mitchell was waiting.

Cade wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and just held him for a while as they stood there by the side of the Jeep. He buried his nose in the boy's hair and felt the heat it had soaked up from the sun warm his cheek. They didn't say anything for a while, as Cade marveled at the little jolt of wellbeing he felt every time they touched, and the way that feeling gradually crept over his whole body and seeped into his bones while they held each other close.

Eventually they let go of each other and got into the jeep, and Cade started it and pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road.

"I had a ... conversation with Jarred. Or an encounter, or ... something."

"No way, what happened?"

"Promise you won't tell anyone, okay?"

Mitchell's face fell as he noticed how serious Cade was.

"Okay, of course, I promise."

"He's gay. And he's in love with me. Or he thinks he is, even though his idea of love is obviously a lot different from yours and mine."

"He told you that?"

"Yeah. I mean, not in those exact words, because he has a hard time saying words like gay and love, and he cried while he was trying not to say them, but that was the gist of it. He ... he thinks he's worthless, and ... I know I shouldn't have felt sorry for him ... but ... I really did. I mean, his family is ... something else. And he's the youngest of the boys, so he's been bullied and beaten down all his life. I still don't understand why he's the way he is, or why he isn't way worse, the way his dad and brothers are, but I'm sure whoever he is ... is just who he had to become to survive in that family."

"So what did you say?"

"I told him he needed to stop being such a dick to people if he wanted to feel better about himself and stop hurting so bad."

"And?"

"And that if he did ... maybe someday he and I could be friends. And I meant it, I guess. I gave him my number, and told him that if he needed to talk, he could call me. I don't know how I could help him, but I know he doesn't have anyone else he could talk to about it, and I had to at least offer."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"How could I be? I mean, you're the same guy who stepped in when he was getting in my face. And if you weren't that guy, we wouldn't be together. Do you think he's gonna be okay?"

He drew his leg up so he could face Cade as he laid his hand on his Cade's leg.

"I don't know. I'm worried about him. I'm out now, and if anyone saw him talking to me, and crying like that, his life wouldn't be worth much once his brothers found out."

"Yeah, if someone saw him crying, he can't say he was just giving you shit."

"No one was around. We were out behind the loading dock, and that side lot was empty already, so there was no one there to see. It's just that what he did was really reckless. That's what worries me. And the way he talked, it was like his life wasn't worth much already. That's why I gave him my number, and why ... I wanted to get the hell out of there before someone saw us ... and maybe talk on the phone sometime when he's somewhere on his own. But I don't know if he'll even call me."

"At least he can now. If he wants to. You did what you could."

"Yeah. I know. But I don't think it was enough. He just ... looked so defeated when I looked back over my shoulder at him. Like he was completely alone and had nothing to hold on to. God, it was just ... so sad."

He took a deep breath, and let it out, and kept his eyes on the road ahead.

After a while, he shook his head.

"I had no idea he was in love with me all that time. Not a clue. Except maybe the fact that he never wanted to fight me again, and he walked away from it every time I confronted him about picking on someone. I mean, he used to look at me sometimes, yeah, but he just looked confused, or uncertain about something. I never would have guessed he was in love."

"Since when?"

"5th grade."

"Five years?"

"That's what he said."

"He's just so ... it's just really hard for me to fit those two sides of him together."

"Me too. But maybe we're all that way. I mean, how many people in this town would have guessed I was gay?"

"Probably none."

"Not even me."

"Really?"

"Well, not that there weren't clues. But I didn't do anything with them. I looked right at them, and couldn't put two and two together. It still amazes me."

"Hey, it's not your fault. You just needed one more little clue."

"I know, and now that I found it, I'm never gonna let it go."

He grabbed hold of Mitchell's hand where it rested on his leg and then held it tight.

12

When they got to Mitchell's house, they opened the door and accepted Bax's slobbery kisses, and then let him out in the back yard and watched him distribute his straw-colored pee stains at strategic spots on the otherwise green grass.

"Damn, it's like his pee is made of acid or something."

"Yeah, it's the pH I guess. He's always been like that. Well ... maybe not when he was a little pup."

"Maybe that was before he started making spermies."

"Yeah, Bax is not fixed. My mom was about to do it, but I cried and whined enough to guilt her out of it."

"Hey, at least she left you uncut. Unlike mine."

"Yeah, there's that. Overall she's a really good mom, right Bax? Even if I had to talk her out of cutting your balls out."

"Haha. He has no idea what you're talking about, and if he did, he'd probably freak out."

"Bax knows. Don't you, Bax?"

Mitchell buried his head in the dog's face and let him slobber all over him.

"I saved your balls, Bax! You owe me!"

"Now you need a shower before I kiss your slobbery lips."

Mitchell immediately lunged at Cade and started chasing him around the yard, but it took him a few lunges before he caught hold of him, and when he did, Cade kept fending him off, and he couldn't get close enough and high enough to kiss him.

"Wait and see. When you least expect it."

It was only a matter of time before Mitchell launched himself at Cade and they found themselves rolling around on the grass, and it probably wasn't an accident that Mitchell ended up on top this time, with his hands pinning Cade's wrists to the ground and his face looming over Cade's as he leaned down to give him an unnaturally slobbery kiss in exaggerated slow motion.

And then they just lay there like that, kissing for real, and caressing each other and looking into each other's eyes. A few times, Bax came over and sniffed them or nuzzled them, but he too seemed to accept that they were in a world of their own.

When they finally stood up and brushed themselves off a bit, Mitchell's hair was sticking up all over from when they had wrestled and rolled around in the grass, and his dick was tenting out his skimpy running shorts, and Cade had never seen anything so beautiful in his life.

It was as if the world had stood still for a moment so that he could see that.

Mitchell eventually noticed the way Cade was looking at him, and stopped what he was doing.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You're just so ...so ..."

"So what?"

"So damn beautiful, and so ... amazing. I just can't believe how lucky I am."

Mitchell stepped forward and put his arms around his boyfriend, and his head on Cade's shoulder, with his dick poking Cade's leg.

"You mean how lucky we are, right?"

"Yeah, that too."

The second they stepped inside and closed the door behind them, Cade was on his knees in front of Mitchell, and as he pulled Mitchell's shorts and jockstrap down out of the way, he was once again in awe of how perfect the boy's dick was. He licked his way around the head a few times, and then engulfed it in his mouth, and surrendered himself to the infantile pleasure of sucking on something like his life depended on it.

As he swallowed the last inch or so of the boy's dick over and over, and clasped the boy's buttocks, Cade found himself instinctively feeling around with his middle finger for the boy's hole, and moaned a few times when he found it, and then felt the boy's body respond to the gentle pressure and sudden entrance of one fingertip and the vibrations around the shaft of his dick from Cade's moans, and when Mitchell thrust forward and came, spurt after spurt, Cade felt himself ejaculating into his own briefs as well as he closed his eyes and inhaled the warm dewy musk of the boy's pubic hair and gulped down the hot slick flow of semen flooding his mouth and throat, until Mitchell slumped over and rested his weight on Cade's shoulders and gasped for breath as Cade's finger slipped out of him a second or two before his dick slipped out of Cade's mouth.

Then they collapsed in a tangle of limbs onto the carpet in front of the sliding door and just held each other, breathing hard, until they had recovered a little.

Mitchell slowly disentangled himself and got up on all fours and crouched over Cade with his shorts and jockstrap still twisted together between his legs and his dick hanging down.

"My turn."

As he straddled Cade, he pulled down Cade's shorts and briefs and then stopped and looked at the sticky mess Cade had made.

"Wow, you were too quick for me. Was it something I did?"

"I guess I just ... really really liked sucking your dick."

"Yeah, I see that. If it's any consolation, I liked it too."

"I figured you did."

"But now I'm down, like, ten grams of protein. And I need all the protein I can get."

"You can have some of mine later. I'm making more even as we speak."

"Okay, Even As We Speak, I'll keep that in mind."

"Besides, I don't think it's ten grams, that would be like a massive load."

"I guess you would know."

"Yeah, I would."

"You really liked it?"

"I loved it. I mean, because it was you, and because it was yours."

"Awww."

Mitchell crawled forward a little so he was looking right down into Cade's eyes as Cade smiled up at him with a look of wonder and reached out and grabbed hold of the boy's dangling dick and tugged on it gently as he tried to explain it.

"I'm pretty sure with anyone else, it would have been kind of gross. But not with you. With you, it's just so ... you know, so ... you. Perfect."

The boy just smiled down at him and made a scoffing sound between his tongue and his teeth.

"I'm not perfect."

"That's just one more thing that makes you ... perfect", he said, as he tugged on the boy's dangling dick again.

"You're ... a little crazy, Cade, but that's okay. It's a good kind of crazy, and I like it."

Mitchell leaned down a little closer and kissed him, and Cade's hands went to the backs of the boy's thighs, just under his buttocks, and caressed him gently as they held the kiss and then made out for a while until Mitchell straightened up and sat there smiling down at him for a long moment.

And then in silent agreement they stood up and stripped their clothes the rest of the way off, and made their way to the shower, where they lingered under the warm water together and swayed slightly in each other's arms, as if they were responding to music only they could hear, and would go on dancing that barely perceptible dance until they couldn't hear it anymore, as the last bits of grass were washed from their bodies to join the few others floating in the puddle of water at their feet.

When they had washed each other's hair, and rinsed each other off, and gone through the motions of drying off with a towel, Mitchell stood there facing Cade and grabbed him by both hands and pulled him out the door and across the hall into the bedroom, walking backwards the whole way, until he collapsed back onto the bed and pulled Cade down on top of him, with their feet still on the floor.

And then they made their own slow kind of love again, as Cade lost himself in the softness of the boy's skin, and felt his dick come to life again as it rubbed against the incredibly silky surface of the boy's inner thigh, and he began slowly humping himself against it, until once again they were moving together in sync, moaning and kissing and nuzzling each other as the slight movements became more pressing, more rapid, and everything suddenly slipped into place, as they found their sweet spot and clung to it.

Cade was looking down into Mitchell's eyes, and even before the boy's moans changed in pitch and became more urgent, he could tell how close the boy was, as he ground himself into him and felt himself begin to come a few moments before the boy's semen coated their thighs.

They held each other tight, as Cade closed his eyes and nuzzled his nose into the boy's neck, and felt a shiver travel down his spine, and then after a while he lifted his head up and rolled off and over onto his side and looked down at the boy once more as he slowly stroked his hand over his smooth chest and belly.

With his wet dark blonde hair plastered against his head, the boy looked like a drowned rat, but he was more beautiful to Cade than ever, just as he had been when his hair was sticking out all over after rolling around in the grass. Whether it was a little scab on the boy's knee, or a spot of milk at the corner of his mouth, the tiniest detail reminded Cade that he was looking at someone he loved. There was something about the boy that tugged at Cade's heart, and the less put-together he looked, the more that was true.

If anyone else could have seen him just then, they would have seen an ordinary boy with an ordinary face and the usual adolescent body, with his ribs showing and his knobby knees and sharp elbows sticking out, and his slackening dick drooling down onto one of his splayed-out legs, but to Cade he was something almost unbearably beautiful and perfect that had never existed before in the history of the world and would never come to pass again, and nothing moved Cade more than the inexplicable fact that this particular boy had somehow come to be his.