Well, the summer was coming to a very rapid end and I was, for once, not anxious at all to start school again. I would be a sophomore in high school. My freshman year was so hectic and almost overwhelming, but at least this next coming year, I knew what to expect.
I was 15 now and my life was starting to become what I wanted it to be for a very long time. I had an amazing boyfriend for the very first time and he made me finally accept and realize that I was gay. When we kissed or went out, I didn't have to pretend like I was loving every minute of it like I did before while dating girls and it felt SO GOOD! For once, I had someone to talk to about being gay and I didn't feel so confused anymore because I finally had someone who understood me and accepted me for who I really was. His name was Jordan and we met on-line in May of last year. He was so good to me and I really believed that I was in love. I never thought anyone could fall in love at such an early age, but I guess, in the end, it's not all what it is cut out to be.
My second year of high school started in August and it felt like I never even had time to enjoy the summer because it went by so fast, but it was good to be back with old friends and to start making new ones.
I thought the first day of school would never end. We had to go to all 8 periods and they each lasted about 45 minutes. Fourth period slowly came around and I had to walk to the very back of the school to get to my English class.
I entered the classroom, found my seat and set my stuff down and once the bell rang, I realized I was in a room full of complete strangers! There was not one person in the room that I had ever even seen before! I found myself getting really nervous, but I got myself calmed down after realizing that it was just the first day of school and it would only be a matter of time until I got to know everyone.
Suddenly, the door opened and one of the most gorgeous guys ANYONE could ever lay eyes on walked in. I knew who he was. He was in my English class the year before and he went to both of my middle schools and my elementary school. His name was Caleb. This kid was and still is BEAUTIFUL! At the time, he was about 5 feet and 9 inches tall, he had short brown hair with blue eyes and he played football and was on the wrestling team a few times, so he had these perfect muscles that every guy in school wanted to have. He also shaved practically every part of his body, making him irresistibly smooth, and he had the most amazing mouth I had ever seen on a guy before and he had the perfect tan to go along with it. I was nothing compared this kid. I was about 5 feet and 7 inches tall with short brown hair and blue eyes and I had an "average" build. I mean, I wasn't ugly or anything, but I just didn't compare to Caleb's stunning looks.
Caleb took his seat and all I basically did all period was marvel at him. I was already doing all I almost ever did last year in English and I suddenly remembered I had a boyfriend. I felt really guilty having these "fantasies" about another boy when I was with someone, so I quickly washed those thoughts away and began focusing on the teacher for once.
The rest of the day went by as slow as a slug, but the final bell of the day rang at 2:35pm and I actually found myself very disappointed because I had no other classes with the notorious Caleb. I would live though.
My mom was picking me up from school, so I hurried out to the parking lot and got in the car. "Hey sweetie," my mom said. "Mom, I'm in the 10th grade now, I don't think its necessary you call me `sweetie' anymore...." "Oh....ok..." my mom answered back. "So how was your first day?" "Oh, it was boring as hell," I said. "Brandon, can you ever have a positive outlook on anything!?" "Ummmm, let me think about that......NO!" I answered. We never said another word to eachother the rest of the way home.
The relationship between my parents seemed to be slowly deteriorating and I had no idea why. Not one day seemed to go by that we didn't scream and yell at eachother and I often found myself grounded in my room, not being able to go out and do anything. That is a whole different story though.
Anyway.....I got home from my first day of school and I immediately ran to my room and called Jordan. "So how was your first day of school!?" he asked. "Nothing special, just the normal, nagging teachers, work galore and hot guys, you know, the usual." "Hahaha, you silly boy," he said.
Jordan didn't start school until September, so he still had about a week and a half left of vacation.
I eventually told Jordan about Caleb and how I was physically attracted to him, but it never bothered him if I talked about other guys because I didn't have anyone else to talk to about it. Jordan understood how good it made me feel to finally talk to someone about the guys I liked instead of pretending that I was attracted to the most popular girl in school. Jordan had people to talk to about everything. He came out to almost all of his friends before we met. I was and still am keeping or trying to keep it a secret from everyone, but I'm sure a lot of the people I know suspect it.
Well, the days came and went and nothing real spectacular happened, but I did find myself becoming more and more attracted to Caleb as the days went by.
We finally changed seats in English sometime in October and I sat directly behind Caleb! This was the closest I had ever been to him through the 5 years we had "known" eachother! I soon found myself jacking off to thought of Caleb at night, while in bed, and it made me feel so guilty because I should have been fantasizing about Jordan.
I didn't have to feel guilty about it for too much longer because Jordan dumped me sometime in November. He told me that I lived too far away and we didn't get to see eachother as much as he would have liked. Well, living 15 minutes away from eachother wasn't my idea of "living too far away", but I couldn't get Jordan to see that. Jordan also wanted to stop being friends because he thought it would be "too weird" for both of us, and I had no choice but to agree and it honestly broke my heart. The first person that ever truly understood me and the first person I every truly loved, rejected me. I still haven't accepted what Jordan did to me, but I have PLENTY of time to find someone better and I know I will. It was so hard at first though. I realized I ended up crying myself to sleep almost every night for about two weeks after Jordan dumped me.
I finally realized that I could now focus most of my time on Caleb and not feel guilty about it, so I guess that was the one positive thing about being dumped by Jordan (if there was one).
I ended up becoming more and more excited as the days passed because Caleb was really starting to talk to me on his own free will and actually started spending the time with me in class that he could be spending with his closer friends.
I also started suspecting that maybe Caleb was secretly gay because he almost seemed to "secretly" flirt with me in his own little way. We also had an assignment in class where we had to get with a partner and share events that happened in our life (good or bad) that changed us as a person. Caleb and me were partners, as usual, and he told me some very personal things that he said he never told anyone before. He told me he had an alcohol problem when he was around 13 and he told me he actually tried to commit suicide because he was so depressed. This was very shocking to me that this guy I hardly knew was sharing his deepest and darkest secrets with me in class that not even his closest friends knew about. I also suspected that maybe the reason why he was so depressed was because he was gay and couldn't handle it, but I never asked him why he really was so depressed. I figured that that was his business and since it was so personal, he could share it with me when he was ready.
Caleb, in my books, was my ideal guy. He was tall, had the perfect muscles, had an amazing mouth, a great tan, but most of all, he was sensitive (which was SO INCREDIBLY SEXY TO ME), and it seemed like he accepted me for who I was. I never told him full out I was gay, but it couldn't be that hard to figure out because I'm probably not the straightest acting kid in school. Every night, I fell asleep imagining how amazing it would be to go out with Caleb. I didn't have to do that for too much longer.......
One day, after school, I had to stay late and re-take a math test I failed. Well, when I was finished I called my dad with my cell phone and told him to swing by the school and pick me up. After I called him, I started to walk towards the front of the school when I saw Caleb walking up towards me. He walked up to me and asked me why I was there so late. "Oh, I just had to re-take a math test. What are you doing here so late?" I asked. "I missed my bus and I was walking up to the office to use their phone," he said. "Oh, well I got a cell phone right here you can use!" I gave him the cell phone and watched him almost in awe as he called his parents to come pick him up.
Once he was done, he handed me back my cell phone and said, "Hey.....uhhh...I have to talk to you Brandon. Can you come with me for a second?" "Sure," I said. He grabbed my arm and pulled me behind a building of classrooms. I was almost excited because I had no idea what he wanted to tell me, but I had a feeling it was good.
"Ok....uhhhh.....I really don't know how to tell you this and I have no idea how you are going to react, but I have to tell you, so here it goes........Brandon.......I'm gay and I really, really like you." I was in utter shock and I didn't understand how any of what he just told me could be real! We stood there looking at eachother for what seemed like forever before Caleb broke the silence, "Oh god! You're not gay are you? Great! Now I've gone and made a complete fool out of myself, but you better not tell any-" "No! I am gay Caleb and I really, really like you too," I interrupted.
I cannot even begin to describe how adorable this whole scene was to me. Here was this amazingly good looking football jock who was sensitive and actually gay, telling ME out of all people, that he liked me. Jordan would never matter to me ever again!
"Oh...well that's a relief! I was so nervous to tell you and I have liked you ever since I first laid my eyes on you, but it took me 5 years to get the courage up to tell you how I felt." Caleb finally said.
All I could focus on was his mouth. He had his hands on my shoulders and his face was only 5 inches away from mine and all I could see were his lips moving up and down as he spoke, almost as if everything was moving in slow motion. I think Caleb finally got the picture what I wanted because he finally stopped talking and started to lean in closer and closer and closer until our lips met. You can't even begin to understand how AMAZING it felt to have his lips FINALLY against mine. I put arms around his shoulders and his tongue slowly slipped into my mouth. Was this real!? It must be, but it felt like a dream. We stood there behind the R classroom building with our tongues caressing eachother's for at least 10 minutes before Caleb finally backed away.
"I better be going," he said. "My parents are probably here by now." I watched him pick up his backpack and start to walk away. "Wait! I said, "Does this mean we're going out?" "Uhhhh, well yeah, I guess.......unless you don't want to...." "Oh, I definitely want to, but I was just making sure," I said. "Oh, ok, well good. I'll see you tomorrow in English then," he said? "Definitely!" I answered. I watched him turn around and walk to the front of the school until he was out of sight.
TO BE CONTINUED...