Can You Give Me Covid?
The last bell of the day at Northwest High rang with a kind of mocking cheerfulness, as the weekend freedom opened up to me with a bleak underpinning reminder of Mrs. Green's final exam on Monday that I'm not anywhere close to ready for. I lugged my soul and my overpacked backpack through the corridors of teenage purgatory, each step felt like dragging my feet through wet cement - dramatic, I know, but so was my mood.
My brooding lifted just a bit as I neared the house. Home was this quirky, red-bricked relic that looked like a shell house from a 70s sitcom. As I stumbled in, the house greeted me with its usual blend of musty air and the faint jingle of wind chimes. The couch in the living room, a retro kaleidoscope of ancient patterns, called out for me. I obliged, collapsing into it with an almost musical sigh, the kind that only a high schooler could muster.
I picked up the remote off the coffee table and was about to sift through Hulu when my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was a message from Alex, my partner-in-crime since the days of diapers and playpens. His texts were always like opening a mystery novel mid-chapter.
"Yo! Abandon the couch. Adventure awaits. Bring your bike. And maybe snacks." As soon as I read the message, it showed he was typing again before I could respond. "Definitely snacks," he added.
Alex's world was one where boredom was his kryptonite, and every day was a quest to defeat it. I couldn't help but smile, my mood lifting even better than binging The Office could manage.
"Adventure accepted. Will bring tribute of chips," I replied, feeling invigorated.
After emptying my backpack of stone cold textbooks, I filled it up with some snacks from the pantry and hopped on my bike. The ride felt like an escape into playful ignorance that only childhood friends would understand. The snapping wind kept me grounded in reality, unfortunately.
I arrived at Alex's house, pedaling my way through out old neighborhood, each house telling a story of scraped knees and hide-and-seek games. Alex had the best place to hide, he had a treehouse perched like a legendary monument on top of the biggest oak tree I've ever seen. It was our fortress of solitude.
As I dropped my bike down on his lawn, I looked up to see Alex's mousy head poking out of the treehouse window, his hair a dishevels but adorable mess with his infectious grin.
"Yo, Kevin!" He called down, his voice cracking as it showed his age. "Mask up, dude. Just tested positive for COVID. I'm asymptomatic, though."
I shrugged, half joking, "If I catch it, maybe I'll get out of Mrs. Green's final on Monday." Who cared about a virus when there was a much larger threat of doom around the corner?
Alex laughed, shaking his head. "You're insane, man!" He tossed down the rope ladder and I quickly climbed up.
We spent the day up there, talking about everything and nothing. Alex really didn't seem like he was sick, I guess the virus really does affect everyone different. As the sun began to set, casting a golden glow through the open treehouse windows, an idea struck me. It was crazy, but then again, so was taking a test I wasn't prepared for. "What if I really tried to catch COVID from you?" I blurted out.
Alex looked at me as if I'd grown a second head. "Are you serious?" He asked. He looked like he was contemplating whether to laugh or not.
"Yeah, why not?" I shrugged. "It's just a cold, right?
For a moment Alex just stared at me, and then, as if a switch had flipped, he grinned devilishly. "Alright, dude, but you gotta do it right, straight from the source. Remember, you asked for it."
I don't know if he thought I'd back out, if he thought I would actually take him seriously, or if he actually took me seriously. I watched him grab his can of Dr. Pepper and take a huge mouthful without swallowing, his eyes twinkling back at me mischievously. "Open wide," he said through a mouthful of soda.
I leaned back, opening my mouth without thinking. Alex came closer and loomed over my head. I kept my eyes shut when I felt the warm, fizzy liquid cascade from his mouth into mine, the familiar taste of Dr. Pepper tinged with the thrill of the absurd. It didn't taste any different than it usually does, I half-expected Alex's spit to give it some kind of odd flavor, but nope. If anything it was a bit warm with the body heat of Alex's saliva. I swallowed it down hungrily as we burst into laughter at the ridiculousness of it all.
Later that night after we settled into our sleeping bags, I started to panic. What if I didn't catch it? What if I still have to take that test on Monday? I spent the whole day messing around when I could have been studying.
I shot out of bed and got a spare COVID test off of Alex's desk. It's just as I thought: Negative!!
I quickly went walked back to where Alex was, still sleeping in his sleeping bag, my heart racing. "Alex, I need your help," I whispered urgently as I tried to shake him awake.
He blinked stupidly, looking around. "What's going on?" He asked, half drunkenly asleep.
I too quickly explained about the negative COVID test and my dread of facing Mrs' Green's exam. "I can't fail this, Alex. I need to catch it from you."
Alex rubbed at his eyes as he groaned. "What time is it even? Just... go back to sleep and I'll help you study tomorrow... ok?"
My head sunk. "Um... ok," I whimpered. I turned my head away as I tried to stop myself from crying. If I fail this test, I could fail the class. I could lose so much. I might even have to repeat the class. Alex must've heard me because he sat up slowly as he kept his eyes on me.
"You're serious about this, aren't you?" He asked. I nodded back at him.
After a moment of hesitation, he sighed. "Okay, man, if you're sure about this..."
I told him I was, yes, very sure. Alex rubbed some more sleep from his eyes and turned to face me. My mouth was dry with anxiety. He looked around the room.
"Where's my drink?" He asked.
"Don't worry about it, just... you know... do it," I said too eagerly. I wanted to get it over with, and wanted to do away with this god forsaken exam coming up.
"Just-just spit? No chaser?" He chucked, half joking.
"Come on man... ," I said impatiently.
"Alright, alright alright. Lean your head back."
I did as he asked, my eyes still fixed on him, I watched as his throat muscles worked in collecting what sounding like a giant wad of snot in his mouth. As he leaned over to me in the dim light, his lips accidentally brushed against mine. It was brief, unintentional, but it jolted us both even more awake.
"Sorry," Alex said quickly, pulling back.
"No, it's okay," I reassured him. "It-it might even be better that way. No spills."
In his drowsy state, Alex seemed to accept this logic. He leaned in again, this time grabbing the back of my head with his hand as he mashed his face into mine, pressing his lips against my open mouth. I could feel his mouth puckering up inside mine as he shot a giant wad of his thick goo that had been fermenting in his steaming hot mouth for hours directly onto my waiting tongue. This was way more than the soda he spit inside me earlier. This felt like three big gulps, and now it was all in my mouth. It was overwhelming - the muskiness of his breath, the faint subtle trace of toothpaste, an almost saltiness in his spit -- and how damn sticky it was! I swirled it around in my mouth, but it was so sticky I nearly choked on it.
I had to swallow twice to get it all down my throat, thats when I realized our lips were still pressed together. Without thinking, my tongue darted out, instinctively seeking more of his spit, more COVID, more potential solution to my problem. My tongue brushed against Alex's tongue, and a shock of realization passed between us.
We both pulled away abruptly, the weight of what had just happened settling heavily in the air. There was a moment of stunned silence, a mutual understanding of the line we had just crossed.
"Sorry...," I mumbled, feeling more embarrassed than anything.
"Yea, me too," Alex responded without looking at me.
We laid back down. Everything was still and quiet. I could hear the hum of his breathing. It was rapid at first, but then settled, until eventually he started snoring peacefully. I drifted off not long after him.
Waking up the next morning was awkward. The sun filtered through the leaves outside, casting dappled light across our sleeping bags, but not even the morning glow could take away my dread. I have an exam coming up, and I probably molested my best friend last night. I swear to god I didn't mean to though. I have absolutely no sexual desire for him, or ANY male. Then why do I feel so odd?
Alex was already up, sitting cross-legged scrolling through his phone next to me. "Morning, Kev," he said, a hint of amusement in his voice.
"Morning," I grunted, not sure how to bring up the elephant in the room, but Alex just chuckled. "Man, who knew you were a better kisser than my own girlfriend?" He teased, his tone light and sarcastic.
I couldn't help but laugh, the tension easing a bit. "It's all in the tongue action," I shot back, sticking my tongue out and wiggling it at him. He just laughed harder and grabbed at my tongue hanging out of my mouth, pretending like he was pulling it out of my mouth. "Let me have that sweet pink tongue baby!" He was laughing so hard he was roaring now. He leaned forward pretending like he was going to kiss me, sticking his tongue out like we were about to make out. I jumped back out of his grasp laughing as I collected my clothes and toothbrush about to get ready for the day.
As the morning wore on, we tried to act normal, chatting about school, the latest video games, anything but our accidental make-out session last night. It almost felt like everything was back to normal. Almost.
But the reality of my situation crept back in. I pulled out another COVID test I'd snagged from Alex's stash. "Here goes nothing," I muttered, more to myself than to Alex.
The wait was agonizing, and when the result showed up, my heart sank. Negative. Again.
"Freaking hell!" I yelled, tossing the test on the floor. "What am I going to do now?"
Alex, who had been watching and waiting with me quietly, finally spoke up. "Don't worry, Kev. We still have one more thing to try. You just... might not like it."
My eyes got big. "What? What else is there? Anything can help!"
He hesitated, then said simply, "Urine."
I took a step back. "...What?"
"Yeah," Alex nodded, his expression was flat and serious. "It's got antibodies, man. It might be your best shot. If you're still serious about this. I mean... you basically shoved your tongue in my mouth last night trying to catch it," he chuckled lightly. He wasn't wrong. I need this more than anything. But... fucking urine? Piss? What the hell?
I sat there stunned. The idea was ludicrous, yet part of me was willing to grasp at any and every straw to avoid that exam.
"Stop thinking about it so much, just, you know, do it, like when took my snotty spit," he shrugged as he laid it all out. I scratched my head as I thought about it.
"What are you going to do? Piss in a cup or something?" I asked.
"Well, yea, or, you know, you could take it from the tap," he said almost too seriously as he grabbed his crotch and winked at me.
"Ok," I said.
"What?! No, dude, I was joking, I'll ju-just piss in-in a cup!" He stuttered out quickly.
"That's too bad, I give great blowjobs you know," I said, alluding to the graffiti in the school's boy's bathroom.
Alex's eyes widened, and he let out a nervous laugh, clearly caught off guard by my off-colored remark. "Wait, you really want to go with that option? You... you want me to put my dick in your mouth? Take it from the source?" He asked too quickly.
I couldn't help but bust out laughing. "No, weirdo, i'm not putting that wrinkly thing in my mouth, I was just messing with you," I said, trying to lighten the mood. "Piss in a cup will be... ok, I guess." There was absolutely nothing pleasant about this, I had no desire to drink anyone's piss, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
Alex sighed. "Thank god," he said with a grin. "I mean, i'm all for helping you out, but that would've been a bit much even for me."
Alex grabbed a red plastic cup from a nearby shelf, and with a smirk, he carefully unzipped his pants with one hand, pulling out his penis with one swift movement as if he had practiced this. I've never seen his penis before, it was about average, cut, just like mine. I didn't expect his balls to hang that low though, they nearly hung lower than the cup as he dangled his dick above the cup and started pissing.
There wasn't much. He looked almost embarrassed about it. "Maybe I can make some more later, my bad, well, here you go then, you asked for it," he said, handing me the cup. "Now, drink my piss," he smirked, emphasizing the word piss a little too much.
I stared inside the cup, his dark yellow pee was nearly steaming. It smelled awful. I took a big whiff and made a face.
"Here, one sec," he ran across the room and grabbed a tiny vodka bottle. He giggled to himself as he came back and poured it in with his urine. "To make it sweeter," he said still laughing. "And if you want it even MORE sweet..." he leaned forward over the cup, and spit a dark cloudy glob of spit into the mixture.
I laughed. "I don't know man, still smells pretty rank. Got anything else?"
He looked around, seriously pondering as he took the question seriously. He raised one of his eyebrows excitedly and said, "As a matter of fact, I do!" I watched Alex as he took the cup, laughing stupidly, and placed it under his still exposed ball sack. He squeezed the wrinkled skin together, and small droplets of his ball sweat collected and dropped into the piss cocktail.
"No fucking way," I stammered. Both of us still laughing like idiots like some Beavis and Butthead commercial.
He took that as a challenge, though. "Maybe we can make it EVEN better!" At this point, I think we both believed that I would absolutely not be drinking that shit. He pulled his pants down to his knees, and fucking squatted over the cup as he held it behind him, and let out the biggest wet fart I've heard in my entire life.
"Dare you to down it," he smirked.
"There's no way that's happening," I laughed.
"True, true... let's start studying those algebra equations," he said. Suddenly everything became clear again. This wasn't just fun and games. I had to get out of this exam like my life depended on it.
"Give me the damn thing," I said as I snatched his human juices out of his hands. He smirked back at me.
"The alcohol will make it worth it," he snorted.
As I reluctantly brought the cup to my lips, I couldn't escape it's pungent aroma. The dark yellow liquid had a strong, acrid odor that made my nose scrunch in anticipation. It was... well, it smelled like piss, straight up.
I took a swig, and to my surprise, it wasn't as bad as I had expected. Don't get me wrong, it was still pretty damn weird, but it wasn't straight-up disgusting. The bitterness was there, but it was kind of earthy, like damp soil or something.
The vodka had an unexpected effect. It added a warm, soothing undertone that contrasted with the initial sharpness. His spit also made it more pleasant, making everything more viscous, more silky smooth. It wasn't as bad as you'd think, it kind of tied everything together, oddly enough.
The addition of sweat dripping off his balls was... well, salty. Like, really salty. But just like everything else, it worked. It really brought everything together in a bizarre cocktail.
As I handed the empty cup back to Alex, he raised an eyebrow with an amused smirk. I smacked my lips together sarcastically. "You taste delicious," I joked.
Alex fell back in hysterics, his hand clasped over his gaping mouth in shock. "I can't believe you actually did that! You're crazy!" He laughed. He took a minute to gather himself before standing back up, his pants still ridiculously pulled down to his knees. He jokingly grabbed at his swinging dick and aimed it at me. "Dare you to take it from the source this time!"
The room was spinning. The vodka hit me hard and fast. I drunkenly stammered as I got down on my knees, still laughing, and took his manhood by the base, his pubic hair getting tangled between the webs of my fingers. I closed my eyes and leaned forward, not really entirely sure what I originally planned, but before I knew it, I could feel the head of Alex's dick poking against my tongue I had sticking out. The moment I realized what was in my mouth I opened my eyes wide in shock. Alex had stepped forward, and was apparently trying to submerge his entire dick in my mouth.
I shot up, spitting out his slowly inflating cock. "What the fuck?!"
Alex burst into laughter, leaning against the wall for support. "Dude, you actually did it! That was insane! You're a legend!" He was laughing so hard he was short of breath. "I... can't... believe... my dick... was in... your mouth... ," he finally huffed out.
I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and could feel my face starting to flush with embarrassment. "I can't believe that just happened," I muttered, shaking my head in disbelief.
As his laughter subsided, he must have realized he was the only one having a good time, and I could sense a hint of remorse in his eyes.
"Hey, dude, I'm-i'm really sorry, that was...," he stammered out as he rubbed the back of his neck. He looked genuinely distraught. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat.
"Look, I'm really sorry," he began, "that went too far. That wasn't cool of me. You know I was just messing around, right?"
I nodded, appreciating his apology. "Yeah, I know, man. It's all good. I'm just a little wasted now."
Alex nodded in agreement. "True, but I still feel bad about it, I took things too far. Look, if you want, I can... do the same thing for you to even things out, you know, just to make you feel better about what happened."
I paused for a moment, considering his offer, While part of me wanted to decline and put the awkward incident behind us, another part coudln't help but appreciate his attempt to make amends.
"Alright, sure," I said, trying to keep a straight face in my drunken haze, "if it makes you feel better, go ahead."
Alex smiled softly as he got down on his knees in front of me, reaching out for the zipper on my pants.
"Wait, dude, no, you don't have to actually do it! You probably gave me COVID by now, we can just... call it even!" I pleaded, but Alex persisted as he pulled my pants and briefs down in one pull.
"Oh man, I didn't know you were that fucking huge," he sighed. He leaned forward hesitantly, and I shut my eyes and leaned back in ecstasy as I felt the most wonderful wet feeling I've felt in my entire life.