------------------------ starsong sez:
I'm BAAAAACK! Yes, despite being gone for almost a MONTH I've managed to whip up another college chapter starring Alex & Dan. Really sorry it took so long, but things have been rocky lately... Anyway, enjoy! And visit me at [www.angelfire.com/ego/starsong]; I've got a new links page and bio stuff!
Oh, and a few chronological things. The story "Alex & Dan" doesn't really fit into the "Carpe Diem" storyline. It was just my first experiment with the characters. Although they'll probably get up to that sort of thing in this series too... eventually... snicker
Carpe Diem Part 2: Truth
I was going to see him again.
Then it hit me.
I was going to see him again!
Ugh. There go the insects in my stomach. Why can't I just relax and enjoy this? Here I was with someone being really NICE to me for the first time in ages, and all I could do is feel queasy. And nervous. And tingly. Especially in certain, ah, "southern" regions...
I decided not to think about it.
I took off for Hutchinson as fast as I could, almost running over some unkempt professor type peering through a camera. I mumbled an apology and sped off for my dorm. They have some weird people here. Like my economics professor, who wears sandals and blue dress socks to class. And this one kid on my hall with dark hair who never says a word. Odd, but sometimes I get the feeling he's staring at me when I walk by. Probably just paranoia.
I broke back into reality, glancing at my watch as I ran. Two hours. That should be enough. All I have to do is shower, change, shave, and maybe put on some of that cologne I've had sitting on my dresser...
I got back to my room in a mess. One of the more chatty girls from my history class had cornered me outside. We were stuck doing a project together, so naturally I had become her new best friend and just had to hear about her troubles with the Registrar. Not that I mind the attention, really, but she gets a bit tiring at times. Especially after 25 and a half minutes. (Not that I was counting or anything...)
"Hey DUUUUUUUUUUUUDE! Whazzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap?"
Great. My roommate was still there, standing next to some guy with a skateboard. And by the looks of it, drunk off his ass. Eric's not really that bad a guy, but he's my total opposite. He's loud, I'm quiet. He's a partier, I'm a library rat. He's screwed every girl on campus, I've only ever made out once. And that was in high school. Even then it felt "icky." Don't get me wrong; I think girls are really cool. But I could never get "into it" with them. I winced as Eric slapped me on the back.
"Dude, me and Jord here are goin' to a kegger on the frat quad. Free beer and hot chicks wall to wall! You wanna come?"
"Naw, man, I, uh, gotta study tonight."
"On a FRIDAY????? Dude, that's messed up! Well, I'll catch ya later." Eric shook his head and wobbled off down the hall with his scruffy-looking companion. I sighed and pushed open the door. At least the room wasn't too badly trashed.
I picked an empty beer bottle off my chair and sat down, gingerly tossing it into the bin. They should have wastebaskets for trash, recycle and haz-mat waste at this school. I glanced at my watch. An even hour. I spent a few minutes picking through my closet, scrutinizing and discarding until I came up with a good outfit. Not too ratty, not too slutty. And with boxer-briefs instead of boxers. I figured they'd make "it" easier to control. Ha.
I needed a shower, too. All the time I was talking to Dan I was sweating terribly. Ugh. Why did I have to wait so long to see him again? I stripped down to my boxers and shirt and headed off for the bathroom, idly thinking about the way his shoulders looked in that tight T-shirt.
Halfway down the hall I realized I had forgotten my keys.
I swear I should get an olympic medal for the way I turned and charged back down the hall. I got there just before the door closed, and jammed my foot in the gap, snatching the offending keyring off my dresser. That was close. Where was my mind these days?
I noticed that weird dark-haired kid at the bathroom sink again, just leaving as I hung up my towel. Probably my imagination, but I could have sworn he glanced in the mirror as I slid off my shirt. Was he checking me out?
Paranoid. Although he does look kinda cu... er, nice.
I stripped off my boxers and hung them on the top of the stall, trying not to disturb the mold-based civilization slowly taking root on the shower curtain. You'd think they'd replace those things once in a while! Especially with the tuition we're paying. I smiled as I remembered my parents' voices after they received the first tuition bill. Surprising how a few thousand dollars can have the same effect as a mouthful of heli-- AH!
I had forgotten to move out of the way before turning on the water.
Flinching as a stream of icy water dribbled out of the shower head, I gave the knob an exasperated twist, turning the battered metal as far as it would go in the "comfortable" direction. Our showers have two temperature settings: COLD and thermonuclear HOT. And I hate the COLD setting.
I felt my muscles relax as I leaned against the wall, savoring the warm needles driving into my skin. I love hot showers, especially when I'm alone in the bathroom. Not that I mind sharing the floor with guys; it just... gets kind of awkward sometimes.
You'd be surprised how modest some of these guys are for college students. Everyone leaves their underwear on getting into the shower stall. Kind of disappointing really. Although once in a while someone will forget and turn the water on first, and have to strip out there in the open. Not that I stare or anything, but if someone just stands there with, ah, "everything" just dangling out in the open, don't you sneak a peek? Not that I stare or anything.
That would be, well... rude. And gay... Just a peek. My mind drifted idly back to Dan.
I remembered the look in his eyes when I helped him off the floor. And the thin white line of his underwear, peeking lustfully out above his shorts. And the way that tight shirt clung to his chest... It was almost obscene, the way it snuggled into him, outlining every crevice, every rib, every dimple from his navel up to the two little nubs poking into the fabric at his chest... But it wasn't just his body. He was, well, nice to me. And sweet. And with a gorgeous ass. Damn. Why do I keep perving out like this? I took a quick look down. Yep. Definitely excited.
Now even my BODY is going gay without my permission! I gave little Alex a few wistful tugs and shut off the water, reaching for my towel. Any other time I would gladly have, uh, "taken care of it" right away, but tonight was different. Honestly, I wanted to stay horny. Well... not so much horny as "interested." Much as it embarrassed me, I oddly liked the jittery feeling I got around Dan. I didn't want to do anything which might jeopardize that. After all, I was meeting him in like... jeez... 20 minutes, I think... What was the time again?
Half-finished toweling, I peeled back a corner of Mold World and glanced at the clock over the sink. 7:49! SHIT! I had to be there in ten minutes! I slung the towel out of the stall and reached up for my boxers. I put them on and leapt out, realizing too late that my still-prominent "manhood" was making quite a sizable tent in the thin cotton underwear. For once I was VERY glad there was no one in the room. I stripped them off and slid on the fresh pair of boxer-briefs. Better, but not much. I wrapped the still-soggy towel tightly around my waist and took off for my room, feeling a slight blush coming on.
Why did the college make this such a big campus??? Ugh. A record 2 minutes 30 seconds getting dressed and I was STILL going to be late. I skidded to a stop in the lobby of Hartman and looked around blankly. Right. And what room was I supposed to go to now?
I looked at my watch. 8:10! Oh shit. What if he left already? What if he had been waiting since his film ended and gave up on me? What if--
"Um, dude..."
I whirled around, almost falling over. It was Dan, sitting in a chair next to the door. I had completely missed him coming in!
"Heh, don't have a heart attack, man." He was grinning shyly again, which I took to be a good sign. I smiled and searched for something to say.
"Hey, uh, hi Dan. I was just looking for you... but I didn't know where, and sorry I'm late, it's just because... uh... because..."
(Certainly can't tell him THAT!)
"well, it's complicated..." I trailed off. Yep. There goes my stupidity reflex.
"Naw, don't worry, it doesn't matter. We just got out like five minutes ago." He grinned and looked around furtively. "Actually the movie kinda sucked. People were running for the doors towards the end."
"Really?" I asked. "What was it?"
"Something avant-garde. A solid hour of a camera zooming. Boring as hell." He started laughing again and I nervously joined in.
"Hehehe, SNORT" Oh shit. I felt my face go red again. My mouth fell open in embarrassment, but Dan just laughed harder.
"Oh, dude, stop blushing. I've done that soooooo many times. C'mon, let's go."
The ice broken, we headed off for the Center, me fidgeting and listening to Dan as he talked about all the awful films he'd seen.
Like many schools, our Student Center sits in the middle of the campus. Unlike many schools, it's a poorly-designed sprawling building with more entrances than the New York subway system. But you could always find something to eat. And because it was Friday, all the cafes would be open till midnight. We made our way into the largest one on the ground floor, loaded up with an array of shockingly unhealthy food, and found a seat in a quiet corner.
I only really heard about half of what Dan said that night. I asked him questions just to listen to the sound of his voice. He was a really animated person, acting shyly at first but gesturing wildly once he really got into a story. I was too busy nodding and smiling to hear much, looking at his eyes and watching how the light reflected off his perfect cheekbones...
"So, anyway, we have to watch these foreign films which are, ah, 'artistic' in the Playboy sense..."
Uh-oh. Getting sexual here. Hope my hetero-emulator's up to it.
"We're halfway through this sixties film, right, and this girl onscreen takes her top off and starts dancing, right in this guy's apartment. And then this guy in the front row, right, in front of everyone, stands up, whips off his shirt, and yells at the top of his voice 'I LOVE FOREIGN FILMS!!!'"
Dan collapsed into another fit of giggles as I laughed along nervously. I got a sudden mental image of Dan with his shirt off, gyrating in front of a film screen. I felt a definite twitch and adjusted myself surreptitiously.
"Man, that's crazy. What the hell kinda course is this?" I asked, trying to deflect the conversation.
"Oh, it's just some intro 'art of film' thing," he smiled. "I'm just there for the hell of it."
"Not for the chicks dancing topless?" I asked, kicking myself as soon as I said it. I was trying to stay away from this! Dan gave me an odd look.
"Naw, I mean, yeah... that's nice, I guess, but not the main reason... I mean, I like it, really! Tits and everything. Cool." He stopped suddenly, holding onto the smile but not laughing anymore. I got the feeling he was uncomfortable.
Well, this is awkward.
I opened my mouth to move on, but Dan cut me off.
"I mean, I'm not a perv or anything, but it's a film class, right? And these things happen... and I like it, really. I mean, what guy wouldn't. I'm just a normal guy, you know... so that turns me on -- I'm not like a... queer or anything."
I felt like I had been slapped in the face. 'Queer?' Oh, great. He really WASN'T g..., uh, like me. At all. I felt myself clam up as I tried to keep acting normally. Wait a minute.
Did he know?
He knew.
He had to know. Why else would he bother to say that?
Why does this keep happening to me? I felt a tightness in my chest and decided to leave, starting to get up.
"Yeah, dude, right. Who wouldn't. Listen, I've, uh, got to meet someone in a few, so I'm gonna take off. Nice talking to you." I picked up my tray and headed out to the trash cans. I was really surprised when Dan followed me.
"Wait, man. You, uh, wanna get together again? I'm pretty much free all weekend and most of the week. Maybe we could study together or something..."
I put my tray away and headed for the door, trying to avoid looking at him. I knew I was being rude, but my mind wasn't driving my actions. I just wanted to get away from him. I mumbled something about being busy and left the building, trying to leave him behind.
Dan followed.
I cursed and went into an alley under the Psych building. There was no one around. Maybe he'd get the hint.
Dan caught up with me and grabbed my shoulder.
"Listen, dude, did I do something wrong? I really want to know you, man." Oh, lord. I stopped, against my better judgment, and turned around. Shit. Dan looked on the verge of tears, trying to hold it in.
"I'm sorry if I'm, like, getting too close or anything, you know, I just..." He paused and ran a hand through his hair.
I couldn't help but feel a twinge of remorse for running out like that. "I just... really want to be close to you." My eyebrows twitched in amazement. Dan looked terrified at my expression.
"No, no, I don't mean it like that, you know. Not pervy or anything, Just friends, you know, I don't really go in for that... sick stuff."
'Sick stuff?' That was it. I was through feeling sorry for him and now feeling really angry. My emotions scored a coup and seized control of my mouth.
"'SICK STUFF'? 'QUEER'? You know, I've been really nice to you but maybe you need to take your HEAD out of your ASS! Just because someone's DIFFERENT doesn't mean he's gonna RAPE your SKANKY ASS the first chance he gets! WHERE THE HELL DO YOU GET OFF??? Do I SCARE you? DO I? Here, I'll tell you something that'll REALLY scare you!"
I didn't have time to stop myself.
"I LIKE TO FUCK GUYS!!!"
I stood there in the dark, looking at Dan, sweating heavily and feeling suddenly drained of all my energy. I leaned heavily against the wall, wishing it would swallow me up.
It was the end of the world.
"Oh, god. Just leave me alone."
Dan looked shocked. His mouth moved noiselessly as he looked at me. I couldn't bear it and looked down at the ground, hugging myself. How could I have let this happen?
I felt a sudden presence and realized Dan was in front of me. His hand touched my cheek and I flinched, my mind filling with panic. Was he attacking me? We were out here in the middle of nowhere! My heart was racing and I looked up to fend him off, only to feel something warm and yielding lightly touch my lips.
He was kissing me.
Kissing.
Me.
My mind screamed a thousand different instructions. Run, push him away, tell him I'm not like that (too late). But I couldn't move.
Dan pulled back and looked at me, with confused and pleading eyes. I felt a tear trickle its way down the side of my face. He looked scared and tried to pull away. Reflexively I reached out and guided him back to me. This time it was me kissing him.
We broke and looked at each other for a few minutes. I felt guilty. And stupid.
"Look, dude, I'm sorry." I sounded defensive, and toned it down a notch. "I thought... I thought you'd found out and were thinking I was sick."
Dan looked at the ground, his voice barely a whisper.
"I was terrified you wouldn't like me if you knew... You know..." He laughed humorlessly in the dark. "I guess I was overcompensating." He moved in again and shakingly put a hand on my chest. His jade eyes looked into mine and I felt my heart stop.
"I like you."
I brushed the hair out of his eyes.
"I like you too."
"Alex?"
"Yes?"
"Could we get out of this alley?"
I giggled despite myself, and wiped some of the tears off my face. "Sure, let's go sit down."
We walked in silence to a nearby bench, sitting nervously together. Dan's hair was glowing platinum again under the streetlamps.
"So..." He looked at me uncertainly.
"So." I smiled back at him. "This is really a new experience for me. I've never had a... a... "
"Could we be... you know..."
"Boyfriends?"
He looked at the ground again. "Yeah, boyfriends."
I put a hand on his knee. "I'd like that."
Dan looked up at me, and held my gaze for a long moment. I was suddenly aware of the warmth of his skin under my hand. I tightened my grip and he smiled shyly.
"That feels good," he said. "But I don't think this is the place."
"Or the time," I agreed. I sighed and gave his leg a pat. "Want me to walk you back to your dorm?" He grinned at me and bit his lower lip.
"What are your intentions?"
I laughed and took my hand off his leg. "Strictly honorable, I assure you. Anyway, I'm sure your roommate is back by now. If you need a chaperone, that is." Dan grinned at the ground again, his expression turning serious.
"Alex, I'm sorry I used those words. It's just that everything I said kept digging me in deeper, and it's just such a reflex by now..."
"You don't have to apologize, babe. Heh, I was the one who called you 'skanky'," I grinned.
Dan bit his lip again, his eyes twinkling. "'Babe'?"
I blushed. "Sorry. Want to go back to your dorm now?"
"Sure."
We walked slowly back to Clarc Tower, talking intermittently about everything and nothing. I kept looking at him and he kept looking at me. If we hadn't been in public it would have been our hands exploring each other instead of our eyes. Even so, I savored the moments. All too soon, we were outside the building. Standing in the last pool of shadow before the tower's lights, Dan took my hands. Neither of us wanted to be seen together in public just yet, and we both knew this would be goodbye for the night.
"I really want to see you again, Alex." As if that needed to be said. I played with the ridges of his fingers and smiled coyly at him.
"Tomorrow, then?" I asked.
"Yeah, listen, there's a matinee up at the Eight. Wanna take the bus tomorrow afternoon?" He grinned and bit his lip again. (I swear that's his cutest habit.) "Why don't you meet me at my room, around 12?"
"Sounds great. Hey, this could be our first real date. You know, now that we both know..."
"Cool. I'm in 327."
"Good."
"See you tomorrow."
"Alright."
"OK?"
"Heh, OK."
Dan just stood there for a moment, looking conflicted. Then he leaned in and gave me a quick kiss. I blushed again.
"Hehe, that is soooooo cute the way you turn red at the drop of a hat."
"DUDE! Don't take advantage of my natural reflexes!" I gave him a mock punch on the arm and he walked off. Oh, boy.
All the way back to my dorm I was walking on air.
I got back to my room to find it deserted. Damn. I thought Eric would have been back by now. And there's another piece of TRASH on my desk! I grabbed the battered piece of paper and prepared to wad it up, only to see writing:
====
hey man,
Jord 'n me and two of his friends are gonna head up to his place in Eastham and chill for the weekend. We'll be back sometime Tuesday night. I'll try not to wake ya up if it's late.
Know you're not a party person but there's some beer in the fridge if you want it.
Eric
====
Oh, that's good. At least I won't be chased out by his parties. And the place would be free if Dan wanted to... come over... I should have been glad but truthfully I was feeling nervous. I'd never done it with a guy. Hell, I'd never even been naked with anyone before.
I started getting ready for bed, even though I wasn't really that tired. As I stripped my thoughts kept wandering back to sex.
I really was getting ahead of myself. Dan might not even want to do that. I mean, despite the talk of us being 'boyfriends' he still might not feel comfortable with doing, ummmm, those things. I didn't even know if he felt that deeply about me. Right now I was confused more than anything. I kept remembering what I told myself in high school, when that girl kept trying to slip her hands down my pants. Don't have sex unless you're in love, because you'll regret it later.
In love?
Was that what I was feeling?
Was that why I felt nervous whenever I talked to him? Was that why I kept thinking about him every single moment? I mean, I just met the guy this afternoon! You can't fall in love THAT quickly! Just because I popped a boner everytime I spent more than a second thinking about his trim, silky figure...
Damn. There I go again.
I decided to leave my shirt and boxer-briefs on as I snapped off the lights and got under the covers. I tossed and turned as I thought about Dan. What would tomorrow be like?
Hell, I hadn't even asked the name of the movie. Not that it mattered. As long as I could sit next to him. Maybe we could get a seat way in the back and hold hands. I hadn't sat in the 'makeout' seats since high school. I could think of nothing better than sitting with him, back there in the dark, hands roving....
I felt a tightness in my crotch. I looked down in the dim light and saw little Alex straining against my briefs. I gave it an experimental rub and saw a small wet spot appear at the tip. Oh, damn. Looked like I wasn't getting any sleep until it was "attended to." I eased off my shirt and threw the covers off. Having a roommate I don't get to do "it" often in my own bed, but when I do I like the feeling of the air on my skin.
I rolled over and stretched, grinding my body into the mattress. Damn, that feels good. Especially without a shirt on. My arms swept up along the sheets, reaching for the pillow as I snuggled into the bed. Arms and legs traced a warm snow angel out of the blankets, their softness yielding beneath my fingers and melting in my thoughts into Dan's creamy skin.
In my mind, it was his hands running over my skin. His fingers tracing light and aimless paths across my stomach. His tongue probing down into my navel, and slowly following the treasure-trail even lower... His firm and warming touch drove the tightness in my briefs, as my pride rose to meet his waiting hands. Naturally. Easily. Painlessly.
My mind caught up with my body and I eagerly reached down to excite myself. The pillow slid easily between my legs as I drove my still-covered hardness into it, slowly pumping as I imagined Dan before me. My hands slid around his slender hips and drew his body to mine. His head flew back, eyes locked shut in animal pleasure as I gently slid into him, probing deeper for his joy and mine. I was gasping now, the slippery wetness of my fantasy dripping from my crotch as the excitement grew. The slick precum spread over the soft cotton of my briefs, lubricating the dry bared head of my member as I thrusted into it. I drove deeper into Dan as I felt the familiar tingle start inside me, arching my back as I felt the sudden warmth of orgasm cascade through my crotch, emptying into the warm confines of my underwear. My hips jumped as I came, unloading myself right there on the bed, savoring the pleasant warmth of my own spunk as it sank into my crotch. Mmmmmmmmmm.
I swear I had never cum so much in a single night. For ten full minutes I lay there, too exhausted to move and too satisfied to think. I finally rolled over and stripped off the soaked briefs, lying quietly in the humid air of the room. I inhaled deeply, the scent of my own sweat and semen seeming so erotic tonight as they never had before. I didn't even feel guilty. Just satisfied. And, despite myself, a peculiar emptiness. I reflexively glanced at the vacant space beside me, and knew without thinking what... who... I was looking for. I sighed deeply.
Damn.
I really was gay.
And I think I was in love.
(End part 2)
SO? What will happen tomorrow? Have to wait a bit a bit to find out ;) But I PROMISE not another month. K?
Mail me at: starsong@subdimension.com Come on! I looooove to hear from you guys.
See other stuff of mine at: http://www.angelfire.com/ego/starsong
Other stories of mine here in the College section: alex-and-dan (in this directory) dorm-fun (a THREESOME! Yeah, baby!)
Please feel free to distribute this story! But:
This story, its content, themes and characters, are copyright (c) 2002 by "starsong" {starsong@subdimension.com}. You may freely duplicate, reproduce, and distribute this work IN ITS ENTIRETY ONLY so long as (1) no fee is charged beyond what is required to pay for duplication, (2) it is not modified, (3) the header and footer (including but not limited to the disclaimer and this notice) remain intact, and (4) you give the author appropriate credit. You may not steal the characters or use unquoted excerpts.
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