Chapter 15
Darren: I love you too baby.
DaeDae: How can you say that with no hesitation?
Darren: Because that's how I feel and how I always felt about you. I mean I know its only been a couple of days since we had sex and alot has happened since then but ask yourself this... Would I still be here if all I wanted was to fuck you or watever? I'm here because I want to be and I love yo ass.
DaeDae: But we hardly ever spoke or interacted with each other before that night I ended up over there.
Darren: See that where you wrong. I always went out my way to speak to you and be in the same hallway you were in. I joined the track team jus so you would notice me but even then you really didn't acknowledge me. JJ always told me to be patient and the time would present itself when you had no choice but to notice me. I guess he was right.
DaeDae: are you sure it was me you were speaking too? I dnt really remember you other than from track practice and knowing yo stats and everything. But thats not relevant right now. Im gonna be honest wit you, being this close to someone other than JJ scares me. Im not even this close to Mel and she is my best friend. There is a lot she doesn't know. It's going to take time but Im willing to try if you are. I'm very cautious about who I let get close to me. I thought I was in love before but the nigga only manipulated my feelings to get close and ever since then my walls have been up and I dont know if I can bring em down.
Darren: It doesn't matter cuz I got patience and I will bring em down by force if I have to.. You got my heart and Im gon fight to have yours.
Dammit!!!! Im not used to this shit! I normally can tell when a nigga lyin but I'm so confused right now. As I stared down at my hand I felt so unsure and I have never felt this before..
Darren: Listen its been along day and we have a even longer day 2morrow. Its going to be crazy and you need your rest if your going to speak at the funeral 2morrow. come here.
He layed down and opened his arms out to me and I literally jumped inside his chest.
Darren: Damn bae lol
DaeDae: Shut up
That made me smile a little. I felt so safe in his arms like everything was going to be ok. Is this what real love feels like? Is this how I'm supposed to feel? I drifted off to sleep with so many questions in my mind but the 1 that stood out the most was..... Am I ready to face tomorrow?
I woke up wrapped in Darrens embrace. Literally. I was tangled up in his arms and legs. I didnt want to wake him up. I wanted to lay there in his embrace and feel his heart beat and try to get mine to match his. I always thought that if it was true love your hearts would beat in sync with each other or make a song only you and the other person could hear. (shut up Im weird I kno)I loved the way he held me, his scent, and even his hot ass morning breath. I laid there for as long as I could but yall know how it is wit that morning pee. I sighed and before I could move he moved and said
Darren: How long you was gon wait to go pee?
DaeDae: You was up?
Darren: yes your breathing changed and thats wat woke me...
DaeDae: how the hell you felt my breathing change in your sleep?
Darren: Go pee first.
Wtf? How the hell this nigga can tell when Im up jus by me breathing different? I slid out of his big ass bed and went to pee.
When I came back in the room he was still in the bed. I looked at the clock and it was almost 6am.
DaeDae: You need to get up bae. We have a long drive.
Darren: Mmmm come here
I know that moan anywhere. His ass don't want to get up. I smiled to myself and walked over to his side of the bed.
DaeDae: fa real baby we have to get up...
I pulled the covers back and was greeted by the sexiest smile ever and I got so lost in it I didn't see him move to pull me close to him.
Darren: Let's stay like this. Forever in each others arms.
DaeDae: If only it were that simple love...
I looked deep into his eyes and saw a sadness I have never seen before and just as quick as I saw it, it disappeared. I couldn't help but worry.
DaeDae: You ok baby?
He smiled that million dollar smile.
Darren: Yes... Im good bae.. Lets get ready to go...
We got out the bed and he went to the bathroom and I went down to the kitchen to make us something to eat...I decided to make us some omelets. I heard the faint sound of the shower come on and I began to cook breakfast for us... I guess I was in my zone because 10 minutes had passed and I was done and Darren was walking into the Kitchen in nothing but a towel. I had to catch my breath.
Darren: Damn bae that smells so good. I could get used to this.
He was all up on me and the scent of him and the soap was intoxicating. I couldnt think straight he kissed my neck before he went to sit down.
DaeDae: Dont't cuz this is jus a 1 time deal nigga lol..
Who am I kidding? I would cook for this nigga every day of the week and have that shit ready for him and on the table and all when he got home from work.... Im jus saying.... he just looked at me ad smiled like he knew what I was thinking. I watched him dive into his food like he hasn't eaten in days...
DaeDae: Damn nigga slow down... lol
Darren: My bad bae.... Its jus so good and Im super hungry...
DaeDae: lol... here then finish mine while I go take a shower. Your suit is hanging on the closet door.
Darren: I already had something to wear picked out.
DaeDae: Hahaha... Aye you funny...jus wear what I put out for you. Even yo beater and yo boxers and yo damn shoes and socks ok?
Darren: Yeah man ok...
I walked back up stairs and got in the shower. I stood there for a while trying to think about what I was goin to say today. Mom and I fought over everything but the 1 thing we agreed on is that I would give the eulogy. No one knew my brother better than me and the last thing he would want is some pastor he didnt know talking about him. I was so caught up in my thought I didn't feel the water turn cold or hear Darren come into the bathroom.
Darren: Bae if you dont come on we not gon make it in time..... BAE!
DaeDae: Wat?!
Darren: How long you gon stand there with soap all over you? I been talkin to you for like 5 mins now...
DaeDae: Im sorry im coming give me 10 mins.. and bring my clothes in plz.
Darren: Ok but I need you to tie my tie...
Was this nigga serious? Who don't know how to tie a tie? I hurried up and got out the shower and he had everything laid out for me. I got dressed and looked at myself in the mirror and all I could see was JJ. I walked out the bathroom and Darren was playing his xbox or wat ever it was and that irritated me a little...
DaeDae: Seriously? You playin video games?
Darren: I had to do something to pass the time till you came out the bathroom Mr. Glamorous..
DaeDae: Dont start... Lets go nigga.
I walked out the room and I heard him following behind me. I could tell he wanted to say something slick but he just kept walking to the front door. I ran to the kitchen to grab 2 waters for the ride. I walked out to the car and he had the music blasting which irritated me even more. Its like he was doing all he could to piss me off. I don't know what changed from breakfast this morning to now but I could tell his mood changed.
We didn't say much of anything to each other the whole ride there. I was starting to worry because he didn't say a word to me at all... I couldn't worry bout that right now. I had to focus on what I was going to say.
The funeral was going to be huge. Everyone my mom has ever worked with, the mayor was coming, even the governor. We had to have the funeral at Miami Dade Auditorium and security was tighter than virgin boi pussy ( Im jus saying) Even I had to go thru a security check. We got there a late which pissed me off more cuz dumb ass didn't listen to me giving him directions. There was a deafening silence. As I walked down to the front of the auditorium. About half way there I kind of froze up and Darren was there. He took my hand and walked me all the way down to my Mom. I could feel all eyes on me, judging me, blaming me, pitying me, and I even felt a little envy but it could be just my Imagination. I bent down to hug my Mom and like always she never showed her emotions.. I hugged Melody and she whispered in my ear...
Mel: You always have to make an entrance huh?
I just smiled because I couldn't help it... I noticed Darren had sat down next to Mom and I got scared because I thought he would be by my side while I was up there. Melody could tell what I was thinking cause she motioned to him and he got up and lead me on the stage.. I walked up to my brother's casket and I looked at him. He looked so... I don't know the words to describe it. I walked up to the podium and all the lights were on me and the cameras flashing. I looked out in the auditorium and saw my family, people from school, the gang, even people from the clubs.
DaeDae: Wow... Ummm I know a lot of you are surprised to see me up here but we mom and I, didn't want some stranger going on on about someone he didn't really know. Umm.... I apologize....
I backed away from the podium and was ready to run but as I turned around Darren was there....
Darren: Don't... If you run from this JJ will never forgive you. Your Mom, Melody, your Dad, even me. But most important you will never forgive YOURSELF... Im right here bae... look at me... La'Damien, look ate me.
I looked him in his eyes and he planted a soft kiss on my forehead.
Darren: Stop being so dramatic and handle this....
Did this nigga really just???? But he was right.
DaeDae: Im sorry Im a little emotional. If you are here today its because you love my brother. I don't care if you only met him once. JJ had a way of captivating people and demanding that you pay attention to him. It was part of his charm or swagg as he would call it... He really didn't like being a twin and he hated that he was the younger twin... He always felt the need to be different. The thing is he didn't have to try, he always danced to his own music and we all know he can dance his ass off... He taught me how to dance. Its funny because I always thought since I was the oldest I had to teach him stuff but life is funny because he was the one teaching me... He taught me how to skate, ride a bike, play basketball, how to talk to girls.... well that didn't quite turn out how he wanted but I bet I could take yo girl... lol... I can stand here and tell you a lot of stories about him but we all know them and as long as we keep those in hearts he will never be far away. I know some of you think he was just a thug who was out there selling drugs and doing what ever but Im here to tell you My brother NEVER sold drugs or SMOKED IT!! He had too much self respect. Yeah he hung around them but he was just trying to show them there was more to life than fast money. He was the one who started our scholarship program... We had a rough childhood with our mom being away at school and my... my..
A movement on the right side of me caught my attention and it was my Dad. He was in shackles and stuff and he looked at me and nodded his head and smiled..
DaeDae: My Dad raised the best way he knew how.. He always told me to protect my brother, that we were half of the same whole and since I was older it was my responsibility. And everyone here knows that I protected my brother either I fought you or I fought you.... I would have never thought that... I guess I let you down Dad... I couldn't protect him this time...
The tears began to fall as I looked at my dad and then my Mom..
DaeDae: Mom Im sorry.. I couldnt save him.. Im sorry... I hope we all can live up to the people he saw within us. You will never know how much you meant to him and how much he means to me.... Thank you