When I woke up the next morning it was everywhere! Everyone had their own opinions as to why I cancelled the press conference and why I was going to see my Dad. My Mom had made arrangements for me to be taken in a back way to avoid the press and to make them wait. I was to go in a back entrance and leave out the front and make a statement. The press didn't know that but as far as I was concerned I wasn't giving them shit!!! But Stella said that I had to give them something for the time being and I reluctantly agreed with her.
I woke up at 9 and I felt like shit... I walked into my bathroom and for the first time in 6 months I opened the medicine cabinet and looked at all the orange bottles lined up in perfect order. I guess yall want an explanation huh? For a time I was addicted to prescription drugs. I was always depressed and from the time I was 12 I was hooked. About a year ago JJ walked in on me taking my lil cocktail I had been mixing to get me thru the day. I had scripts for Prozac, xanax aka zany bars, Oxycodone, Vicodin, Percocet, Adderall, Ritalin, and Lithium. I didn't even notice that when I was depressed I was taking the uppers and then before I knew it I was taking the downers to kind of balance me out. Any who JJ made me swear I would only take what out doctor prescribed which was the meds for our A.D.D. and nothing else. But I just stop taking everything at once. It was the worst 2 weeks of my life. Would it be so bad to take maybe just 2 to take the edge off? Would it break my promise to JJ? I mean I did promise to take only what we were prescribed......I took 2 bottles out and close the medicine cabinet and looked at myself in the mirror. The reflection I saw was not one I recognized. I felt like I was losing myself in this character I had built. Who am I? Do I fight this hard to not be like my Dad because deep down inside I know I'm just like him? Cold hearted and calculating? Willing to do any and everything to keep the ones that matter to me out of harm's way? I was so ready to kill him and if JJ hadn't stepped in front of him he would have been dead. I never asked myself the real reason why I hated him. I heard that we hate the things that remind us of who we really are and maybe that was right. I guess I will find out today because I'm not leaving that jail till I get ALL the answer I want! I put the pill bottles back in the cabinet and jumped in the shower.........
I was standing there in my mirror looking at myself. I felt a little over dressed but my pretty boy swag was showing. I can't help it. Plus I was going to be on TV. I was flawless from head to toe covered in D&G (Dolce and Gabbana ). Lately I had been feeling like wearing my jewelry and that was weird cuz I almost never wore it but hey what the hell.
Melody: Damn bitch how long you gon stare at yo self in the fuckin mirror?!
DaeDae; Fuck you ho... Lol.. I got to make sure I'm flawless like the diamonds on my neck... Lmao
Melody: Lmao!!!! Girl you so fuckin lame... Bring yo pretty ass on.
Melody was wearing a very tight fitting pink and black D&G dress with Jimmy Choo's to match. Ugh yes I had on some pink too what can I say, it's my favorite color.... Lol... Her dress matched my J's and my shirt. I know I'm a perfectionist..
Daedae: Shut up and lets go...
Melody: Bitch if we wasn't gon be on TV there would be no way you was gettin me in these heels till the party! I don't know what it is bout you and 6 inch heels but I would like to see yo ass walk in these mutha fuckers.
DaeDae: They sexy as fuck on you that's why I buy em for you....
I flashed her my smile that made her breath catch. It was the same smile JJ gave all the time and I knew it would work on her.
Melody: Ratchet!!! You playin dirty bitch... I forget yall have that same fuckin smile... Sigh*
WE GOT TO THE JAIL AND THERE WAS A FUCKIN FRENZY!!!! so much for going in the back! I spent 10 minutes on the phone with Stella because there was no way the car could take us around back, The jail house downtown was small and traffic already was horrible down there. I decided to just go in the front.
The driver was finally able to pull up to the front of the court house and Stella opened my door and I could tell she was stressing. Neither one of us expected it to be like this..... I'm gonna send her a bonus to make it up to her. I got out and flashed my million dollar smile and waited for Mel to get out the car. We acted like we were on another Red Carpet and she was my date. The questions were flying and Stella was handling it like the pro she is.
Reporter 1: La'Damien, why have you decided to visit your father? Is it because you are taking over?
Stella: Mr. Allen has no comment at this time and will be making a statement after his visit with his Father. As for now No comment.....
Reporter 1: Awww Come on Stella we all know he only uses you when the big stuff is going down. What's the real deal behind this visit?
They were working my nerves and Mel jus gripped my hand and pulled me up the stairs and into the building... We went thru security and stuff and went up to my Moms offices. She had made it so we could have some privacy.
Mel: do you want me to wait outside for you?
DaeDae: Would you come in with me?
Mel: Yo punk ass.... What happen to the nigga that was so ready to shoot his ass a few months ago?
DaeDae: You aint shit ho lol...... But fa real you gon come? Pease!!!
Mel Ugh! Lol... stop begging!
Daedae: So you gon make me flash da smile huh?
Mel: Ok damn I'm comin...
That gave me a lil bit of comfort but I still was a nervous wreck... I knew I should have took something for this anxiety. Why the fuck am I so nervous? This was a bad idea I'm not ready for this yet. I just can't face him yet.
Mel: Calm down.... Take a few deep breaths... You can do this... If not for you do it for J....
OMFG!!!! I just realized that I asked her to come in with me! Now I'm really freaking out. I still haven't told her what really happened..... it's definitely time to go.
DaeDae: Mel I don't think I can do this today... Let's just
Person: They are ready for you Mr. Allen
It was now or never. We walked into the conference room and there he was, sitting at the head of the table. The arrogant bastard. Seeing him sitting there with that smug look on his face pissed me off instantly.. I was glad because I couldn't see myself doing this without being pissed. We walked in and sat at the other end of the table.
We stared each other down for what seemed like forever.... I went through so many emotions I didn't know where to start. It was hard to sit there and not think about all the good times we had when we were little and how I used to worship my dad. He was my super hero... Our super hero...
J Sr./Dad: Why do you always bring this hood rat everywhere you go? She jus hang out with you for yo money! And I heard her skank ass was fuckin yo brother..
Before I had a chance to say anything Mel was up and across the room.
Mel: FUCK YOU!!! YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HOW I FEEL BOUT HIM! YOU AINT SHIT! THE ONLY GOOD TO COME FROM YOU IS YO KIDS AND BECAUSE OF YO ASS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS GONE!! YOU LUCKY I DON'T KILL YOU MYSELF!! I WISH TO GOD DAMIEN WOULD HAVE SHOT YO ASS WHEN HE HAD THE CHANCE!
DaeDae: Mel calm down please!! You supposed to be here to keep me calm.
Mel: Fuck him! I'm not gon sit here and be disrespected.... I'll be outside.
DaeDae: Can you escort her and make sure she don't do nothing stupid?
Guard: No problem
The guard took her out the room and that left me and my Dad........ Alone..
DaeDae: You know, you could of just asked her to leave instead of pissing her off.
J Sr./Dad: So I guess she know what really went down since you brought her up in here to be in my business?
DaeDae: Nigga drop the act! I'm not yo lil flunkies so that street/hood bullshit don't fly with me. I know the real you. For once in yo life talk to me like I'm your son!
He sat back in his chair, and let out a deep breath.
J Sr./Dad: Ha I never could fool you huh?
DaeDae: Nope...
J Sr./Dad: I never meant for things to be this way between us. Ever since you were little I saw so much of me in you. You're smart, driven, funny, and brutally honest. I will admit that I have done a lot of fucked up things to you and your brother and I'm sorry. I was so busy building an empire that I forgot I was a father first. You don't know how many nights I laid awake thinking about all the shit I put you through. I love you and your brother. I know it may not have seemed like it but yall my whole reason for living.
I was fighting back the tears and when he said that I looked away from him. I wanted so much to be mad at him and to hate him, to hate myself. He got up and walked over to me.
J Sr./Dad: Damien look at me....... KeShawn please...
I looked at him and was fighting like hell not to cry.
J Sr./Dad: I love you... I know its gonna take more than an apology to make up for all the wrong I've done, I'm willing to work to make our relationship better. I want my son back. I miss you Mi Amor...
He held his hand to my face and I broke... I was prepared to sever all ties but I wasn't prepared for this. Without thinking I jumped in to my dad's arms and cried my heart out. I couldn't even remember the last time I hugged my Dad but this made me feel like I was a kid again and I had my hero back. After about 5 mins of me crying I realized it was time to get down to business....
DaeDae: I'm sorry... I just... I'm at a loss for words....
J Sr./Dad: What??? Not the great DaeDae... lol...
DaeDae: Yeah that's been happening a lot lately...
I said wiping the tears...
J Sr./Dad: you got a nigga all emotional and umm.... errr... it looks like yo make up is messin up.
DaeDae: Lol I'm sure it is... listen I know we just had our family break through and all but we need to talk business now.
J sr./Dad: Let me guess... the niggas acting up and they think you plannin a takeover?
DaeDae: Yeah. I got a lot going on this week and don't want to be looking over my shoulder.
J sr./Dad: I will handle it. Just go and have your party and do your thing mi Amor.
I smiled I had forgotten that he was the first one to call us that. Mom always said that was the first thing he learned in Spanish... I can't explain how I feel right now.
I walked over to the mirror and began to fix my face. ( Shut up cuz most of you punks wear makeup just to go to the corner store! I'm gon be on TV)
J Sr./Dad: I'm glad you came to see me KeShawn..
He was all smiles watching me through the mirror. I looked down at my watch and we still had 10 minutes left so I thought now was the perfect time to ask him.
DaeDae: Hey dad, 2 days after you were arrested $30 mill was transferred to my account and $50 grand was dropped off to the house.... Do you care to explain?
J Sr./ Dad: Right to business huh?
DaeDae: Well Mom is under investigation and it looks bad that they can't trace where the 30 mil came from.
J Sr./Dad: I thought she doesn't handle yall money?
DaeDae: She don't but her name is on it remember?
J Sr./Dad:; I forgot about that...... Well the 30 mil is from your brother's life insurance policy----
DaeDae: DAMN Dad!!! Seriously?? 30 mil for life insurance?
J Sr./Dad: Ha ask your Mom how much the policy she has on yall.... We don't have much time so listen, the 50 grand is money your brother been saving for a while and I thought you should have it. I know you hate what I do but it has always been my dream for you and your brother to be by my side and run things with me. I need you to hold it down for me.
DaeDae: Dad I.. I... I can't. I got accepted to Oxford in England. The only reason I applied is cuz of J. I don't want to pass up this opportunity... I'm sorry
Guard: Time's up Mr. Allen..
He walked over and put the shackles back on my Dad. I looked at my Dad and the look on his face damn near broke my heart. I watched them take him away and I put my head in my hands. There is just so much I can handle.
Mel: I hope you let his ass have it with his..... Damn bae you ok?
DaeDae: No but well talk about this later. Let's get this over with. Where is Stella?
Stella: I'm here boo. Here's the deal do you want to make a statement or answer questions?
DaeDae: Doesn't make sense to answer questions and everyone isn't here.
Stella: We actually leaked it that you were going to be here that's why it's so crazy. Everyone is here. I'm trying to do the press conference and generate buzz for you love. Trust me I have never lead you wrong and I'm not about to now.
DaeDae: Let's do this.. Where are my shades?
We got to the front of the building on the steps and the camera was flashing the questions were flying. I was not feeling it at all. I turned and whispered to Mel I was not feeling good and this was going to go fast and to have the car and everyone in place.
Stella: Calm down people Mr. Allen will take a few questions and that is all.
Rep.: Hey La'Damien where did your lil honey go? Is she your cover to keep the appearance of being straight?
DaeDae: Your funny and no she is not.
Rep: So are you gay?
Stella: Come on guys if these are the kind of questions you're going to ask then we will gladly say goodbye.
Rep: Were you there when your brother was killed?
DaeDae: No I wasn't
Rep: Were you involved with the other guy that was killed?
DaeDae: He was a friend yes.
Rep: Where have you been all summer?
DaeDae: Grieving
Rep: Why did you visit your Dad and are you taking over for your father?
DaeDae: at the end of the day he is my dad and guys come on.... you make it sound like something out of a movie. But to answer your question No I'm going to college after I graduate.
Rep: Are the rumors true that you are the one that killed JJ?
Mel: How dare you? You should go kill yourself for even asking such a question. You lucky I'm in this dress or else I would ...
Stella: Ok thanks guys. Be sure to come out to the back to school party Saturday.
We had to drag Mel to the car. She was crazed it took the whole ride home to calm her ass down. I'm not feeling good at all I feel stretched too thin and I'm tired as hell for some reason. We got home and my Mom was not pleased at all.
Mom: For the past 20 mins I have been calls about how my son's girlfriend almost attacked a reporter.
DaeDae: To be honest mami he was out of line. And he lucky it was Mel and not me.
Mom: So what did the bastard have to say?
DaeDae: Ma!!!
Mom: Haga no ma mÃ! Yo no perderé a otro hijo a él (Don't ma me! I will not lose another son to him)
DaeDae: Calme por favor. ... Se disculpó a mà para todo que ha sucedido y dijo que desea que haya sido un mejor nos padre pero fue alcanzado en la vida y él hizo cuanto pudo puede. (Calm down please.... He apologized to me for all that has happened and he said he wish he would have been a better father to us but he got caught up in the life and he did the best he could.)
Mel: Umm I'm just going to go wait for Damien in his room.
I had forgot all about her not being able to speak Spanish. I jus shook my head and to let her know that was ok.
Mom: What else did he say? I bet he ask you to be one of his errand boys like your brother was?
I looked down at the floor and was scared to tell her what he really said. She had a way of making me feel like I was 7 years old.
Mom: Usted mejor me contesta ( You better answer me)
DaeDae: He wants me to take over for him till he gets out of jail....
Mom: I won't allow it!!!! I have had enough of this Damien I can't take wondering when they going to come after you next! I refuse to have another son taken from me. We're moving I'm taking you where none of them can get to you.
DaeDae: What?!?! Mom you can't be serious? I have to finish school and my friends and Darren!
Mom: ¡No está arriba para la discusión! Salimos la semana próxima tan yo sugiero que empieza a empacar. (It's not up for discussion! We leave next week so I suggest you start packing.)
She walked out the room and left me standing there speechless. My life is being turned upside down and I have no way to stop it. I ran upstairs and went straight to my medicine cabinet. I pulled out every orange bottle I had. I refuse to be torn away from everything I love. I just made amends with my dad and now my mom is taking that away from me. I felt the tears running down my face. I need my brother, my heart, I don't think I can do this without him. Just as I was about to take the pills
Mel: You better be damn sure that's what you wanna do....
Darren: Cuz if you take them pills, I'll kill you myself before they even have a chance to work!