Chance and Brian Chap 19
Ok everyone I never thought that this story would be going to chapter ninteen much less a chapter 5.. I cannot believe that this has gone on this long. I want to thank everyone who has written me and stuck with the story.. even if I get no email regarding the story.
I especially want to thank Paula who constantly harasses me to write more.. I love you PUPU.. you are the reason that I write this.. if it wasnt for you I probably would have ended it a long time ago.
Again to everyone that has written me about the story.. thank you.. its always wonderful for writers to get feedback that is good or bad.. you have to understand that it makes us want to write more..
and for the fun part....
Disclaimer..
I do not know any of the BSB....I do not know if they are gay or not.. and I really dont care.. this story is a fun fictional fantasy story... so please take it as such.. If your to young to read this then dont.. if your in a state that doesnt allow this kind of material then dont read it.. thanks
Ok on to the story..
Chapter 19 ***************************************************
Nate started crying.. I hugged him close and said "Pooh sweetie, we will see your dad in a little while.. and then I will take you home ok.. we can stay at your house tonight.. if thats ok with your grandma.." I looked over at Mary for approval.. "Of course you can Brian.. your all welcome to stay if you would like." She said. Kevin spoke up then and said "I dont think thats necessary Mary but thank you for the invitation, the rest of us will be ok at the hotel, were use to them."
Mary smiled at Kevin and said "Ok Kevin, but its up to you guys."
"Mary would it be ok if we rode back to the house with you?"
"Of course it is Brian.. I can bring you back tomorrow also.. if you like."
"Thanks but I dont want to put you out." thats when she cut me off and said "Brian you will not be putting me out as you say.. since I will be coming to see Chance anyway."
"Thank you Mary I appreciate that."
"Its not a problem Brian.. your part of the family now.. so get use to me doing things for you as I do for Chance, I love it that I will have another man around the house."
"Thanks Mary I cannot tell you how happy that makes me feel.. I can tell that we will be good friends."
"So can I Brian so can I." she said smiling.
I hugged Nate to my chest and said.. "Pooh.. the mighty warrior of evil.. dont you think its about time that we go use the restroom before we go see your dad?" he looked up and into my eyes and shyly said "But poppa I dont got to go.." I started laughing and said "Sweetie its I dont have to go.. not I dont got to go." he shrugged his shoulders and said "Well I aint gotta pee." We all were laughing I said "Well I have too.. so why dont you either go over to Grandma or Nick so I can go use the restroom." I put Nate down.. he walked straight over to Nick and said "You aint gotta pee do ya?" Nick started laughing and said "No Nate im fine thanks." Nate looked him in the eye and said "good cause I dont wanna move again."
I went into the restroom and did my business walked up to the sink and washed my hands.. I looked into the mirror and realized I looked like shit.. sorry but thats the truth.. I had dark lines under my eyes and they were all puffy.. I looked like I hadnt slept in two days.. which was true I hadnt. I proceeded to wash my face and tried to straighten out my clothes and do something with my hair.. but gave up on that after about 5 minutes. I walked out to hear Nate laughing so hard.. I figured that someone probably Nick was tickling him.. I walked into the room and focused on Nate and realized I was totally wrong.. it was Mary who was tickling Nate not Nick.. I watched on as Mary laughed just as hard as Nate.. I realized where Chance got his sense of humor from.. a lot of it had come from Mary ... I continued to watch until Mary became either tired or bored and got up and sat back down on the couch.. I walked over and sat next to her and smiled. she looked over and smiled and said "Whats so funny Mr Littrell?" I smiled back and said "Nothing.. I just realized why Chance loves you so much, and why your such an important part of his life.. you both are so much alike."
"Yes we are Brian.. always have been, and Im sure always will be."
Chances point of view
Groggily I tried to sit up.. when I heard someone say " Chance.. just stay where you are. your fine.. youve just gotten out of surgery and now your in recovery."
I yelled " Wheres Nate!!! Wheres my son."
I heard "Hes downstairs with everyone else.. they are waiting to see you. You will be out of recovery in about 15 minutes and put in a private room, they will be able to see you then. But in the mean time how is your pain? did you need more pain killers?"
"No I am fine.. could I have something to drink though, my throat hurts."
You sure can.. I will get you some ice chips.. and when they get you back in your room they will get you some liquids to drink."
"Ok thank you." I said not caring what they did as long as I got to see Nate and my family.. I figured mom was here as well as everyone else. I shut my eyes and drifted back to sleep within seconds.. I woke as they were moving me from recovery to my room. I looked up and saw Angel walking at the end of the gurney and said "Can we make a stop at Nordstroms on the way?" He started laughing and said "Only if you pay."
"Pay??? Damn first I get beat up then I get shot.. what more can happen.. WAIT STOP!! dont answer that... I dont want to know.. " I held up my hand.. "Please dont answer that .. please.."
laughing he said "Im not going to Chance but I think we need to talk really quick once your in your room."
I lifted my head and looked at him questioning and said "Ok.. if thats what you think" I had lots of things running through my head.. wondering what he needed to talk to me about.. I wandered if he could sense what I was feeling and thinking.. I wondered if he knew how I felt...... I looked at him again and he just shook his head yes.. I laid my head back down and silently cursed at my self.. for even thinking the things I was thinking..
He walked so that he was at the side of the bed and said "Chance what your feeling is normal.. your scared.. youve had a lot of bad things happen lately.. but its just that .. bad things happen.. its no ones fault.. it just happens.."
I know that , but why do I feel so bad then.. why am I thinking these things?"
"Chance thats only for you to figure out.. first of all you have to be able to say what your feeling.. at this point you arnt even able to say what and how you feel."
I looked at him "Can we save this for the room, I dont think its appropriate for everyone to know my business, good or bad."
"No problem" was all he said
They rolled me into the room and put me in the bed so that I was half sitting up on the bed.. they brought me in some juice.. Cranberry.. YUK.. so I said "Can I have another kind of juice please.. I do not like cranberry." the nurse walked up and said "You sure can sweetie what would you like?"
How about Apple or Orange."
"Will do.. I will be back in a few minutes." she turned and left the room only leaving Angel and myself.. I looked at Angel and said "Ok I guess I need to come clean dont I"
"Yes you do Chance.. You need to figure out what your going to do without hurting yourself and everyone else" He walked over and sat in the chair waiting for me to begin.
Well... I .... Damn.. why is life so hard.. why did all this have to happen.. I dont want be hurt anymore I want my life to be a little easier for once.. I have found Brian and now.. im scared.. I......" the tears starting streaming down my face.. I looked up at Angel and said " I will not be hurt anymore.. I will not let this continue to happen and be ok with it.. I ... I .... think the best thing for me and Nate.. is that if I break up with Brian.."
"And what makes you think that is the best thing to do?"
"Because if its ended now.. then Brian can find someone to love him.. and that person will have no fear of being around him.... I cant ".. sobbing I added.. "I cant do this.. I have my son to take care of."
"Chance.... do you want this.. do you want to break it off with Brian?"
"NO"...I said rather loudly.. "I love him with all my heart.. he is what I want.. hes such an important part of my life.. but.... I also have my son to think of.. and if im in the hospital all the time from getting beat up and being shot.. im not going to be doing him any good. this is not whats best for me.. its whats best for my family.."
"Isnt Brian part of your family now?" Angel stood up and walked over to me and added "So what are you going to do?"
I continued to cry and whispered " I'm going to break it off with Brian."
I heard a gasp form the door and whipped my head around to see Brian standing at the door. My heart sank.. and my mind raced with.. how much did he hear.. how long has he been standing there.. I started crying harder when I saw the first tear leave his eye.. Angel walked over to the door and directed Brian in the room and over to the chair.. and said "Brian why dont you sit down, I think you guys need to talk." Brian sat down and leaned over and placed his head in his hands.. and sobbed..
Angel walked over to me and said "Sometimes the hardest thing to do is what you consider the wrong thing, you both love each other.. and love shall over come all." He turned and walked over and out of the room shutting the door behind him.
There was silence in the room except for my sniffling and Brians sobs.. I wanted so badly to get up and out of bed to give Brian a hug.. it was killing me to hear him cry.. I couldnt stand it any longer.. "Brian..." I got no response.. "Brian Please.. Please talk to me.. we need to talk about this.. Im sorry.. I truly am.."
He lifted his head.. "Your sorry.. so am I Chance.. Im sorry that I ever got you involved with this. Im sorry that you were hurt at all.. Im sorry that I wasnt the one shot instead of you.. Im sorry.. that your laying in that bed instead of me.. I wish none of this ever happened.!! "
I looked at him shocked and said.. "Is that really how you feel Brian.. Do you really feel that way.. that none of this would have happened.. that we would have never happend.!!!! I yelled "Is that what your saying, is that truly how you feel.?."
He sunk lower in the chair and whispered "Maybe that would have been best."
Well Brian maybe you are right.. maybe it would have.. but you know what.. I will never feel that way.. I love you.. I have never loved anyone like this in my life.. and Im sorry you feel that we are a mistake.. Brian I was scared of being hurt again.. I was scared of what could happen.. but you know what I dont think I have to worry about that anymore.. Im not scared anymore.. and for being hurt.. YOU couldnt hurt me anymore than you just did.. I think its best if you were to leave Mr. Littrell." I reached over and pressed the nurses button.. Angel came walking in with a frown on his face.. I looked at him and said "Mr Littrell has made it very clear how he feels.. and hes leaving.." I looked over at Brian and said "Bye Brian.. No matter what you think.. I have and always will love you."
Brian looked at me with panic on his face.. "Chance I never said we were a mistake.. and that I didnt love you.. I said Im sorry I got you involved with this crazy life.. and that it wasnt me that was hurt instead of you.. God please dont do this.. please dont ... I love you.. you know that.. What I meant was that maybe it would have been best for you if you werent involved with me.. That doesnt mean I dont love you with all my heart.. you know how I feel about you.. you know my life would go back to being nothing if you werent in it..... please Chance dont do this to me.... to us.. Please dont..." He pleaded.. He walked up to the side of the bed and took my hand that had the ring on it and said.. "If I didnt love you .. or if I felt the way you say I feel.. I wouldnt have given you this ring.. I wouldnt have asked you to marry me.. Chance.. you are the one that I want to be with for the rest of my life.. I have never and will never feel the way that you think.. I love you more than I could ever say or show you.. please dont do this." he begged.
I looked into his eyes and said "Brian I understand what you are saying.. and I appreciate that, but for now could you please just give me some time to think.. I would really like to be alone"
"Chance if thats what you want.. but you need to answer me one thing.."
"Anything Brian you know that."
"Can you honestly say you dont want to be with me?"
I sat back and closed my eyes and thought about what he just asked. I loved him more than anything in my life.. except Nate that is.. and thought.. can I see myself without Brian.. waking up next to him.. smelling his scent.. feeling his body pressed to mine... can I live without him telling me how much he loves me.. and how much he would do anything for me... truly .. I do not want to live without Brian.. but I dont want to be in pain and I dont want Brian in pain either..
"Brian..... I.... Ummm..."
"Please just tell me Chance.. you need to figure this out.. If you dont want to be with me.. then all you have to do is say so and I will be gone."
"Brian.. I want to be with you.. I want us to be forever.. but im scared....... Im scared of going out in public with you.. Im scared of getting hurt.. I dont want to get hurt anymore, cant you understand that!"
"Of course I can.. look at what you have been through.. we will make sure to have more security around us.. Ive already talked to Kevin and the Firm and we are going to hire security for each of us.. so this wont happen again.. God Chance if it means losing you over BSB.. I will choose you. BSB will probably be over in a few years anyway. I choose you Chance.. but do you choose me.????
I answered him with "No.. Brian I dont.. Im sorry but I dont.."
Ok thats the end for now..
Cliffhangers... hmmmm no I really dont like them either but then again.. they are kinda fun to write.. I guess we will have to see where this goes from here..
your more than welcome to email me with feedback.. Good bad or otherwise.. the email addy is Tnerb2u@aol.com
Take care and have a happy holiday.
Tnerb