Hey everyone! Thanks for the replies and criticisms I have received on chapters 1 and 2. I already have 13 chapters written (!) and hopefully they will all be posted soon so that you can get caught up. One person did let me know that it was difficult to read some of the dialogue because I don't attribute every quote or break it into separate paragraphs. I will try to fix that in future chapters.
Well, a lot happens in chapters #3-13. There's some action, a lot more dialogue (LOL), a change of setting, and even some sex. Hoo whee!
Please do not read if you are offended by gay themes. The standard disclaimer applies. Blah blah blah... -- May
CHAPTER THREE
"That was interesting," Dani said, smiling at Misha and wiping her hands nervously on the front of her jeans. The new tour photographers had just been paid an anxious visit by Brian Littrell, one of the two Backstreet Boys they hadn't had a chance to meet the night before. "Southern good manners, I guess," Misha said. He felt a little bit stunned, frankly. Brian was a beautiful creature, and an intriguing mixture of youthful immaturity and world-wise cynicism. There was something a little tired and jaded about the young man, but his clear blue eyes had all the optimistic purity of childhood.
Brian had made a point of introducing himself and apologising for leaving early the previous evening. "Nick wasn't feeling too good, and I just wanted to make sure he was okay." "Don't worry," Dani laughed, "we'll be seeing plenty of each other." Clive and Lorna had decided that it was time for a large-scale, authoritative photo documentary, and had hired the duo of Michael "Misha" Heinemann and Danielle Torrenti. Misha and Dani were best friends who lived together in a fashionable loft in Manhattan and had co-authored three other photo collections as well as working still shots on several major movies and the TV series "Nothing Personal." "Well, I just don't want to start out on the wrong foot," Brian said in his sweet Kentucky drawl, grinning at them. "Don't want you to think we're a bunch of divas." "Of course not," Misha said. Dani shot him a weird look. Normally Misha would have made a joke in response, but instead he was standing there looking nervous. Oh, I see, Dani smiled to herself. Somebody has a crush.
It was a long day of rehearsals. Vocal arrangements, dance routines, stage settings. The next two weeks were going to be non-stop work and all of the Backstreet Boys were out of the habit. Each of them had a passing fantasy about quitting the band during the course of the first day. Nick, meanwhile, had to leave a bit early to head to the MTV studios for an interview. As soon as he left, a huge argument broke out, again, over the song list for the European tour. Everybody thought they were getting shafted. Nick's mother, or rather, his agent, who also happened to give birth to him, was insistent on a certain number of songs from Nick's solo albums. She hadn't outright threatened to pull Nick from the Backstreet Boys, but that was clearly her intent. A.J. was having a fit of egotism and insisted on having the same number of solos as Nick. This made it impossible for Howie, Kevin or Brian to have any. Their management was going to attempt to talk to Jane, and then Denise, A.J.'s mother, and smooth things over. A.J. and Kevin both stormed out of the rehearsals. Howie shut himself away with his wife and refused to take any calls. Meanwhile, Brian went back to the hotel and switched on MTV to watch Nick's television appearance.
Nick looked good, and the clip was mercifully brief. Nick was terrible at being interviewed and still stumbled over his words like a fourteen year old on TV for the first time. The anchor followed the rules outlined by BSB's management and did not ask any forbidden questions; however, they did ask Nick what he thought about the negative reviews of his solo album and tour as compared to the generally positive response Kevin and Brian's solo efforts had received. Brian groaned. Nick was so sensitive and insecure. At least he was well trained in presenting a public front. Nick just shrugged it off. "I don't know," he said, "I wasn't reading any reviews, I mean, I didn't because there wasn't really time. I was so busy, and you know, me and Aaron just had a really good time, and I wouldn't want to ruin that for him." The interview wrapped up and a video clip was shown from a concert in France, where Nick's second to last encore was "Let's Have a Party," featuring Aaron as a guest vocalist.
Brian sat back on the bed and watched the two brothers singing at each other and bopping around the stage energetically. They'd recorded that song when Nick was so young. He'd been so spazzy then, long limbed and perpetually wired. Kevin would get really pissed off and ban Nick from anything that would make him more excitable, like caffeine. Meanwhile, Nick had to have somebody to bounce off all the time, or else he withdrew into video games, spending hours staring at the TV screen, in his own little world. He and Brian had such a close bond. They were like brothers, but somewhere a line was crossed, and once it happened, nothing could ever be the same again. Brian could remember the first time they made love like it was yesterday, and it had been years ago. The first time they kissed each other, and the first time Brian felt Nick's body shudder with an orgasm. Kevin had crossed a line too when he made Brian feel ashamed for what he'd done. They had worked it out eventually, but at a certain level, Brian still resented Kevin making him feel like he'd abused Nick. Still, the thought did cross his mind even today. Nick was really just a kid. I'm five years older. I'd never been with a man before, but that doesn't change it...
Brian's chain of thought was interrupted by his cell phone. "Leighanne, where are you?" "Downtown. I'm shopping right now and I'll be there in about an hour." "Do you want to go have dinner somewhere? I can have Marcus see about getting us reservations." "That would be great. Something light, though, I already had lunch today." Leighanne was a good friend of Brian's and as far as the general public knew, his long-time steady girlfriend. Actually, their relationship was more like a business arrangement; Leighanne was an ambitious woman who had her heart set on fame in the movie industry. A connection with one of the most popular pop stars in the world served her purpose just as much as Brian needed a female acccessory to prove that he wasn't gay, since their management perceived his real orientation to be such a threat to their fan base. They had become very close over the years and lately had been talking about marriage. Was it a good idea, or a bad idea, from a promotional/public image point of view? It wasn't a great idea for Brian, because his fans preferred him single, but it would help to temper the "beard" talk about Leighanne.
"You guys fighting yet?" Brian laughed. "How did you guess?" "Feminine intuition. Meet you at the hotel in a few?" "Sure. Oh, Leighanne?" "Yes my dear?" "I might ask Nick to join us." Silence. "Brian..." "He probably won't come." Leighanne took a deep breath. "Brian, please don't try to start up with Nick again. He needs to deal with his shit on his own." "What? What am I doing? Asking him to come to dinner? Don't make a big deal out of this." Leighanne bit her tongue to refrain from saying that whether or not it was a big deal, she didn't particularly want to have to deal with Nick, who she considered to be one seriously fucked up little boy. "Fine, Brian. But as your friend, please hear what I said." "See you in a few." "Bye." Brian hung up and went to Nick's room. He rapped lightly on the door. There was no response. He was turning around to go back to his room when the door finally opened.
"Hey Nick." "Hey." Nick rested on the door frame and rubbed his eyes with his thumbs. "Were you sleeping? I'm sorry." "Nah, I just got up. I'm just bein' a bum. Come in." Brian followed Nick in and stepped over a few piles of stuff which had already started to build up on the floor. Brian sat on the couch and picked up a small silver box that was on the coffee table. "What's this?" "Coke." "Oh." Brian set it back down and stared at it while Nick sat opposite him and sipped a glass of something carbonated and clear. "I thought you weren't doing that any more." Nick just looked at him dully and gave him some kind of weak shrug. "Are you okay? I mean, you know. Personally." "Yeah," Nick replied. "You?" Brian tried to gauge Nick's expression to see if he really cared or not. Didn't seem like it. There wasn't much going on in his face. "I've been okay," Brian said. "Touring with Kevin had its good points and its bad points." "Yeah," Nick smiled, "I can imagine." He let out a soft laugh. "So Brian, are you seeing anybody right now?"
"No, I'm not," Brian said warily. "I kind of just had that one fling." "You mean from the last tour?" "Well, yeah. I guess that went on for a bit longer." "He was a dick." Nick made a face and got up to make himself another drink. Brian watched to see what went in the 7-Up; vodka. "He had his good points and his bad points," Brian said. "You were fucking Kevin?" Nick turned around with a bit of a twinkle in his eyes. Just a hint of his old personality warmed Brian's heart considerably. "Yeah, it's a Kentucky thing. Kissing cousins." Nick grinned as he sat back down. "Anyway," Brian continued, "Mark and I didn't last much longer than the tour." "He was a dick." "You said that." "He was." "He really wasn't a bad guy, Nick." "Is he gonna write a book?" Nick gulped down his drink and looked at Brian over the rim of the glass as he asked. "No. God, Nick. Come on!" "Well..." Nick shrugged. "Everybody wants a piece." He made a silly face.
"Maybe of you," Brian grinned. "Mmm," Nick pouted, "maybe." He sighed at his glass, which had gone empty again. "What about you, Nick?" "What about me." "Are you seeing anybody?" "Mmm..." Brian didn't like that answer. "Nick?" "Well, yes and no." "What does that mean?" Brian laughed. "You have a fuck buddy?" "Yeah," Nick smiled. "That sounds good." "Do I know him?" "How do you know it's a him?" "Oh come on." "Lucky guess," Nick pouted. He was giving Brian the eyes and mouth treatment, big time, and he slid down a bit further in his chair for a sexier kind of pose. "Was it somebody you met on tour?" "I don't really want to talk about it," Nick said. More pouting. He eyed Brian. "I missed you, baby." "Nick, what are you doing?" "Sitting and talking to you. What?" "Flirt," Brian said with a little laugh. "Come on, I came here to ask if you wanted to have dinner tonight." "Mmm. You and me?" "And Leighanne." Nick made a face. "I already planned to eat with her," Brian offered, "but I thought I'd see if you wanted to join us." "No, I don't want to fucking join you," Nick scowled. "Actually, I have plans anyway." Then what the hell ... Oh never mind. Brian got up and brushed off his pants. "Okay, well, I guess I will see you at rehearsal tomorrow." "Yeah. You won't see me tonight." Nick made another pouty face, this time accompanied by a sneer. "Whatever, Nick." "'Cos I'll be busy getting laid." "Wonderful." Brian walked to the door, but he stopped before leaving.
"Why do you have to be like this?" "Go away, Brian." "I'm trying here," Brian said. "I know things got really fucked up between us and I hate it." "I mean it Brian, go the fuck away." "Nick, come on!" Brian felt his face get flushed. But he didn't have tears come to his eyes, because he was as pissed off as he was hurt. Nick picked up his cigarette case full of cocaine and gestured with it as if to say, you have to leave so that I can get high. "Is that your excuse to treat me like shit?" Brian snapped. "I know you don't want to watch me," Nick said with a smug look on his face. Brian just stood there. He always had this feeling come over him like he was watching a car accident. Nick's self-destructive traits fascinated him in a sick way. The beautiful blond tapped out a few big lines on a magazine and snorted them with a rolled up piece of paper. Nick leaned back and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. "Feel better now?" Brian asked as he came and stood behind him. "Uh huh..." Nick kept his eyes shut and Brian watched, sensing the euphoric drug sweeping through Nick's body as though he could feel it too.
"I guess I have to go now," Brian said, wishing that he could stay. "I have to meet Leighanne downstairs." "Stay with me," Nick said. "I'll make it worth your while." I thought you had plans. Brian almost said it, but bit his lip. Instead, he ruffled Nick's hair. "Leighanne will kill me if I don't," Brian said. "Having me dead would not be the best send-off for the tour." "Mmm..." "That goes for you too. Don't do too much of this stuff." "Well, if I get bored," Nick said in a whiny way. "I might have to." "Is that a threat?" "Bri bear, stay with me!" Nick got up from his chair and slipped his arms around Brian's waist. He kissed his neck and bit his ear lobe tenderly. "Stay and fuck me." "Nick..." "Please?" Brian felt his body starting to respond to being this close to Nick, and he pulled away. This is not what he had in mind for a loving reunion. "Nick, I can't." "Go away," Nick sulked, "go fuck off." It's because I care about you, you stupid fuck, Brian thought as he went to the door. He turned around to say goodbye, but Nick was busy dialing a number on his cell phone, and Brian slipped out without a word.
CHAPTER FOUR
Dani could barely get her eyes open wide enough to get mascara on. She and Misha felt obligated to make their days as long as the Backstreet Boys made theirs. Why, they weren't sure; it just made them feel like they were really into the whole BSB vibe. They'd all been out clubbing the night before and hadn't gotten in until almost four in the morning. Now it was breakfast time, eight a.m. "Those guys better be there, or I am going to go on a killing spree," she told herself. All things being equal, Kevin, Howie and Brian should be fairly hung over, and A.J. and Nick should be totally immobilised. The five cute and charming singers were hardly the squeaky clean All-American lads their management tried to package them as. Kevin seemed perpetually pissed off at the world. Howie had an attitude and seemed to think that the entire galaxy revolved around him and his unborn child. A.J. and Nick were obviously using drugs and both had theatrical personalities which made them want to be the centre of attention at all times. It was tiresome, to say the least. And then there was Brian. Dani grinned, thinking about how smitten Misha was with the handsome Kentucky gentleman. Dani had to admit that among this bunch, Brian did seem to be the pick of the litter. That said, he was moody and she couldn't read him very well.
"Took you long enough," Misha grinned at Dani as she came in the room. She looked around. Sure enough, everybody was there except for Nick. "I'm impressed," she laughed, "I thought you guys would all be attached to feeding tubes today." A.J. grinned at her and squeezed his girlfriend, an atrocious looking "dancer" (everybody believed this term was probably prefixed by lap or pole) named Felicia. Felicia was wearing some kind of negligee with bunny slippers. One boob almost fell out of the top of her slip every time she leaned forward to pick a piece of fruit off her plate. "Brian, I assume you've already checked to see if Nick is dead?" Dani chirped at him. Brian didn't look amused, though, and he just scooped up a spoonful of oatmeal and thrust it into his mouth angrily. Oops. "I think Nicky is occupied with Maaario," Howie grinned, drawing out the name of Nick's lover as long as possible. "Ah yes," Dani said, "I guess I managed to put him out of my mind." "Good idea," A.J. said in his raspy voice. "Babe, can you get me another cup of coffee?" Felicia got up right away and giggled when A.J. slapped her on the butt.
Dani resisted the urge to vomit and turned to face Brian. "Hey," she said softly, "sorry about that." "It's no big thing," Brian said, and he gave her a half-smile, although his clear blue eyes still looked sad. Wow, Dani thought, I am definitely seeing what Misha sees. She glanced over to her partner, who was scowling in their direction. Oh come on, Dani said to herself, Misha, get a clue, the guy is about as gay as they come, I am NOT hitting on him or vice versa... Now Kevin, Dani thought, he seems straight, and single. Of course, he was sitting there with a hand on his head as though he was trying really hard not to move, or else his brains might leak out of his ears. She felt his pain; she'd had hangovers like that before. Dani caught his eye and smiled at Kevin kindly. His expression went from blank to stony. Oh well. "Are we going to talk shop at all here?" Howie was asking. "Because I have things I could be doing."
"I think that's up to Kevin," A.J. smirked, enjoying the fact that the self-proclaimed leader seemed to be completely miserable. "No Howie," Kevin snarled, "you are free to go do whatever the fuck it is that you need to do." "Geez Kevin, it was just a question," Howie sighed, getting up and bringing his plate over to one of the tables. Kevin rubbed his temples. Drinking late at night was nothing unusual for him, but he had really overdone it the night before, and what was worse was that everybody had seen him doing it. Kevin liked to keep up the illusion that he had everything under control at all times, personally as well as professionally.
Nick came in with Mario at his side and several sets of eyes rolled. Mario was at least Leighanne's and Kevin's age, and very slimy. He was handsome in a way, but mostly he just seemed to be somebody who wanted to weasel their way into the entertainment business one way or another, and fucking Nick Carter was as good a way as any. Nick had proudly introduced him by saying, "this is Mario - he's Italian." Dani guessed that he was implying that Mario had a big dick, and Misha told her later that he had the same impression. Mario liked to tell people that he had movies in production, but it was fairly clear to everybody involved with the BSB that he was around to give Nick sex and drugs. Aaron hated Mario, who he'd met on the European tour, and Jane had managed to get him out of there. For once, Brian and Kevin hoped that Jane would get her way again, and kick Mario's ass the hell out of there for good.
"Well, I'm out of here," Howie announced, and he paused by the door, as though he were waiting for a round of heartfelt good byes. Everybody just sat there eating, and he made a pissy face and left. Nick and Mario sat there with their arms wrapped around each other, making out in front of everybody. "Do you mind?" Kevin said irritably, but he was ignored. Brian got up and walked out quickly. Misha watched him leave and looked to Dani. She nodded at him encouragingly, and Misha went to follow Brian. A.J. and Felicia fed each other mini muffins, seemingly oblivious to the two men slobbering on and groping each other next to them. "I think I've lost my appetite," Dani said, getting up and brushing crumbs off her lap. Leighanne shook her head and walked with her down the hall. "I'm really not sure which of those trash dwellers is more disgusting," Leighanne said as she came into Dani's room. "Definitely not good if your stomach is a little unsettled to start with," Dani said, and the two women laughed together. Leighanne pulled back her long blonde hair and crammed a baseball cap over it, hoping to be a bit less conspicuous going through the hotel lobby. Dani just pulled her dark brown hair into a clip and grabbed her camera bags as they went off.
"Brian? Can I come in?" There was no answer at first, and then Misha heard a weak "it's open." Brian's room was dark, and the singer was sitting in the back of the room on the wide window sill, one leg up on the sill, resting his chin in his hands. "Is everything okay?" Misha asked softly as he came and sat beside him. Brian breathed out of his nose in a dejected way, and looked up at the photographer briefly. "Well..." He trusted Misha for some reason. He got a good feeling from him, and he seemed very together and mellow. "I guess you can tell that me and Nick used to have a thing together." "Yeah..." Misha just nodded. "It's just tough, seeing him..." Brian sighed again and looked out the window. "I don't know what to do to help him. Maybe it's for the best that we're not together, I don't know. But I miss his friendship, almost as much as I miss him as a lover." "So after you split as lovers, you weren't friends any more either, is that it?" "Kind of. We've just been on again, off again for so damn long now, and it's killed our friendship." Brian rested his head on his knee. "It's just made everything between us fucked up, it's always a big drama now, we can't be straightforward and just be there for each other..."
"Nick has some problems," Misha said gently. "Yeah, he does. He's young, and he's grown up on the road, and ... yeah, it's done a number on him. Part of that is my fault. I should have looked out for him more." "Brian..." "No, it's true. I was like his big brother, that's how I felt, and then when we became a couple, we were so close, Misha, he told me everything, I should have seen this shit coming and done something." "You can't blame yourself, Brian. People change as they grow up, and maybe Nick had a lot of this inside of himself before he even joined the group." Brian nodded thoughtfully. "Maybe. His mother pushes him so hard, and she thinks their family is so fucking perfect. I know Nick worries that the same thing will happen to Aaron." "What, exactly?" "Hmm?" "What will happen?" "Just that he'll burn out, and feel like he missed out on life." "That's the key to Nick." "No... but it's a big part of it. I mean, Nick really depends on Backstreet to be his family, and we've all grown apart. So then it was just me, me and him versus the world, and then when things started getting fucked up between us..." A tear ran down Brian's cheek.
Misha put a hand on Brian's shoulder. "Thanks for listening, man," Brian said quickly, "I feel bad for dumping all this shit on you." "No problem at all," Misha said, rubbing his shoulder gently. "I wish I had some brilliant advice for you. But really, I think you have to think about your own happiness for a change. You can't help Nick if he doesn't want to be helped, and right now he might have to figure stuff out on his own." Brian got up slowly and sighed once more. "That's what everybody tells me," he said. "Just leave him and let him do his thing. It's just a whole lot easier said than done, when you love somebody the way I love Nick." Misha swallowed hard, wishing that Brian had phrased that a little differently. "You still love him, or you're still in love with him?" Misha could get away with asking this since he had the guise of helping him figure out what to do about Nick. "Both," Brian choked out, "both."
"It's not that Jake is a bad person," Leighanne was saying as she worked out on the stairmaster next to Dani. "He doesn't mean to hurt Keith, but he does. A lot." They were using code names for Brian and Nick out of paranoia. "Keith needs somebody new to fall in love with," Dani offered, wondering if Misha might be that someone. "That would be wonderful," Leighanne laughed. "I want to see the guy happy for a change. He's been miserable all summer. Touring with..." She thought about what name to use "...Ken, they were both at each other's throats all the time." "What's ... Ken's problem, anyway?" "Lonely, lonely life," Leighanne said. "He doesn't let anybody in. He's gotten very sour over the last year, and meaner than he ever used to be." "So do you think the time apart was good for the guys?" "I don't know, honestly," Leighanne said. "In a way, it seems like it's just brought out the worst of each of them." She stepped off the machine and towelled her neck and upper body, which was moist with perspiration.
Dani couldn't help but stare at Leighanne, who had an outrageously buff and curvy body, with big breasts and a high, round butt. Leighanne tugged at one strap of her halter top irritably. "God, sometimes I hate having tits," she laughed. "I wouldn't know," Dani said ruefully. "Oh, but you have such a cute body," Leighanne smiled. "You've got that whole teenage boy kind of figure." "I know, it's a curse," Dani said. "Do you know how stupid I look in a ball gown?" Leighanne laughed and shook her head. "Come on, the great thing about women is that we come in so many different shapes, and they're all sexy." "Ehhh..." Dani laughed. "I don't know, I think the general opinion is that some shapes are definitely sexier than others." Leighanne winked at her, and turned to walk to the locker room.
Dani followed, wondering what would have happened if they'd had that conversation late at night, in a club, after they'd been drinking.