Chase and Lucas

Chase and Lucas 7

Hey guys! As I've mentioned before, the story would get dark at some point. This is that chapter.

For those of you that have struggled with depression, self-harm, or suicidal thoughts/tendencies, and derogatory language, please be warned that this chapter will reference those things. I am not trying to make any of those horrible and terrifying acts seem as if they are an answer to any problem. I am not trying to make them seem as if they are anything anyone should ever have to experience. Those acts, and the things that lead up to them, are terrible. I know, as I've dealt with those issues in the past.

Please! Please! Please! If you are dealing with any of those issues, talk to someone. I am here for you. There are others here for you. Please don't turn your beautiful light off. Let it shine for the whole world to see. You are loved. You are valid. And you are important! I have probably never met any of you in passing, or in real life. But I still love you. There are others that love you. Please, talk to someone. Get in touch with someone. You are beautiful, you are important, and you are real. Life may seem bleak right now. And if it is, and if you are at your lowest right now, just remember, you have no other way than up to go. You may be at your lowest point right now, but you can't get lower. You can only rise from your fears, insecurities, depression, and all of your other problems. You are loved. You are important. Someone looks forward to your smile, each and every day. Talk to someone.

---------------The next day------------------

I think that I'm going to tell him. He... He deserves to know. He deserves to know that I am absolutely in love with him.

But—What happens if he gets angry? What happens if he leaves me forever?

What happens if he's ok with it? Would he ever be ok with me being gay?

What happens... If he... Somehow... Recipro...

NO! I'm not going to delusion myself into thinking he would ever hold those same feelings for me. After all, Chase is perfect.

I get up to look at myself in the mirror. I'm not that bad looking, honestly. I'm not the most handsome boy. But anyone would be lucky to have me. That sounds cocky and stuck-up. But I know that everyone on this earth is good looking. No one is an ugly person, unless they're cruel, but that's different. Sometimes, we just aren't our own types.

I need to tell him though. He deserves to know, and I deserve to be free of this secret.

"Luke! Come here for a second, I have exciting news!"

I run out and find my mom. She's holding her phone, and it looks like there's been an email on it.

"Honey, it looks like your father is coming home! And it looks like it's for good!" My mom said while smiling like a fool in love.

One thing to know about my dad and mom – they were made for each other. Literally. They were born literally minutes apart from each other. And grew up together. They were friends all through their lives, and got married in the end. Let's talk about them individually.

June Walker, my mother, is beautiful. Not only on the outside, but on the inside too. I got my walnut brown hair from her. She has blue eyes, which look really similar to a beautiful blue sky, are always twinkling. Even when something bad happens, and the world just smashes everything around her, her eyes twinkle. My mom isn't skinny. She isn't what society would call a "trophy wife," but despite not being what society deems fit, my mom is beautiful. And she knows it! She doesn't flaunt herself, but she doesn't let those "trophy wives" walk all over her either. She's a great woman to look up to.

David Walker, my father... He's interesting. He's currently in the army, hence why he isn't home now. He's this super butch guy, kind of like Chase, but bigger. A walking tank, hehehe, get it? He's in the army. He has black hair, and chocolate brown eyes, which is where my eyes come from. He looks super intimidating. But honestly, the guy is a teddy bear, a real big softie. I know what happens in the army, and I know that he has killed before. And I know he'd go to hell and back for either me or my mom. But after you get past the exterior, and actually get to know him, he's one of the kindest people you'll ever meet.

"That's great mom! Does it say when he'll be coming back?"

"It looks like he'll be here tomorrow. I'll need to take the day off to go get him. Go get dressed and ready for school. Chase will be here any minute. You know that you had me worried for a while there? I'm glad you guys patched things up."

"I know mom. I was being an idiot. I said some stupid things. But I think we're ok now."

"I'm glad. You weren't the same boy that I raised while he wasn't here."

I go and get dressed for school.

---------------Chase-------------------

It's so good to be able to walk up these steps again! I missed my friend. Life was absolute hell for two weeks. For two weeks, I had to fake being happy for so many people. I felt like someone had ripped my heart out and crushed it. I missed my friend.

But now that he's finally come to his senses, we're fine again. I know there's still something hurting him, and I know that there's something he isn't telling me. But I promised him I would wait. I promised him that I would give him as much time as he needs.

I walk into the front door of the Walker house and say a quick hi to June. She returns it. I head on to Luke's room. But I stop at the door. I see him almost naked, with nothing but his underwear on. It looks like he just took a shower, as his hair is damp. Seeing him in this state does something to my body. It feels like an electric current travelled through my body, and pulsed all over, until it finally went straight to my dick. Weird. Luke turns around and heads to his closet, and grabs a set of clothes. As he does this, I walk into his room and plop down noisily on his bed. He jumps a bit and turns around.

When he looks into my eyes, that electric current travelled all over my body again. I got lost in those eyes. They're so warm, and peaceful. His face lights up, and he smiles as he sees that it's just me.

"Hey dude! You scared me."

I chuckle a bit.

"You almost ready to go?" I ask

"Yeah, just got to finish putting on my clothes."

-------------Luke-----------

As soon as I finish getting dressed, we head on towards school.

As mentioned before, neither of us are weirded out about our bodies around each other. Sure, I really enjoy getting to look at him. Slyly, of course. But I can't help myself if it's on display for me.

My thoughts return to what I need to tell him. He deserves to know. I deserve to tell him. But when is the best time? When is there a good time to do this?

As we near the school, Chase gets called over by some of his football buddies.

"Chase, I think I'm going to head on inside. Meet you later?"

"Sure dude! See you in algebra!"

I watch him head off towards his friends. I decide to head towards the music room.

"Hey Luke! Hang on for a bit."

I turn around and am confronted with none other than Lance Berry, one of our top athletes. Lance plays kicker on our football team, and is captain of the basketball team. He's a pretty famous guy in our school.

"Hey. What's up?"

"Would you like to go get lunch with me? It'd be on me, and I can also drive there. What'd ya say?"

What in the world? Why is he asking me to eat lunch with him?

"Sure. Is there a particular reason that you're asking me to go to lunch with you?"

He laughs. "No particular reason. Just want to check something out with you."

That's not strange at all.

"OK. Well, see ya?"

We part ways. I'm still a bit puzzled. Why would Lance want to spend time with me? Have I done something wrong? Nah. He'd have punched me if I had. Guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Orchestra went really well. I feel as if I'm ready for the upcoming concert. The school always has two concerts a semester. During the fall semester, we have a fall concert, shocker. And Christmas concert, where the entire music department performs on the same night. It's a pretty big event in my town. Not as big as sports, obviously. But a lot of people come out to enjoy our night of merriment.

Algebra was as boring as ever. We're still reviewing a bit of information, so everyone is up to speed. As I'm leaving the class, I tell Chase that I'm leaving campus for lunch. He looks puzzled.

"Who are you going with?"

Strange. "I'm going with Lance. He said he wanted to `check something out with' me. Not really sure what he's talking about. At first, I thought he had some issue with me, but he'd have dealt with it then and there. So I'm as puzzled as you are." I laugh

Chase has a strange look on his face. He looks a bit... Angry? His blue eyes have morphed from their usual ocean blue to a dark, night sky blue. His face is a bit pink.

"Well, if you need anything, call me. If he touches you... If he even thinks about touching you, call me."

That's weird. He sounds super jealous right now...

Why? It's not like he's my boyfriend, however hard I wish for that to be.

"I'll be ok. Go on and eat lunch? Oh! Mae and Juan are going to be sitting with you there! Tell them I'm sorry that I can't be at lunch on the first day! And be nice to them. They are really great friends." I smile

"I'll be nice to your friends. Be careful with Lance. I don't trust him right now." Weird.

"Bye Chase. Meet you after lunch?"

He grumbles and walks away. Strange.

As I make my way toward the student parking area, I get lost in thought. I wonder what Lance could want? I'm just me. As I get outside the building, Lance is waiting out front in his car. The door opens. I walk over and get in. We talk about random things as we head to wherever it is we're going. As we get to the local diner, we get out of the car and head inside. I notice that there are a few other basketball players in diner. As we settle into a booth, a waitress comes by and gets our orders.

"So, why is it you brought me here?"

He chuckles.

"I have some questions for you. But those will come later. How're things going for you? Is your school year going ok? When's the concert? I know you're in orchestra."

What the hell?

"Are you my mother?" He laughs at that. "My school year is going pretty great. I'm doing OK. The concert is next Thursday..." We continue to talk about random things until the food arrives. After the waitress leaves, we begin eating.

Suddenly, I feel something. I feel a shoeless foot touch my leg, before pulling away. What??? I glance up at Lance. He's smiling. I feel it again. But this time, it doesn't leave. It starts a rubbing motion, sending blood straight to my dick.

"What are you doing? Why are you doing that?" I whisper.

He chuckles. "Just testing something. Do you like that?" I leans forward a bit. "Aha! You do like it! I can see your boner!" He laughs. "So, you're gay?"

He asks it so nonchalantly. What the hell is this guy?

"No. I'm not. Why do you ask?" I start freaking out a bit. This is a jock. A big, powerful jock. He could pulverize me in one punch.

"It's OK if you are. I have a brother who's gay. I love him to pieces."

What is this man? Why is he fucking with me? By now, my emotions have taken over, and I'm terrified. I need to get out of here. I don't trust this. Nothing ever ends well when a jock starts asking these questions.

I move to get up.

"You may want to rethink that. Look at the door."

I glance over at the door and notice that the jocks over there have surrounded the door, and watching this table.

I sit back down.

With tears starting to form, I ask: "What do you want? Why did you bring me here if you're just going to hurt me?"

Lance immediately reaches over and pats my shoulder.

"I didn't bring you here to hurt you. I actually am watching out for you. I know that jocks tend to have a negative influence on gay kids. But I promise, if you're gay, you have a friend in me. I brought you here, so you could know that there are people here for you. My brother has told me how hard it is for him to go through life trying to be accepted for being him. I personally don't know what that's like, and I never will, probably. It sucks that gays have to face so much hardships for being who they are. If you're not gay, then I'm sorry for assuming."

"You really have a gay brother? How old is he?"

He smiles. It's genuine, and full of nothing but love.

"He's 23, and happily married. Essentially, we're opposites of each other. I'm a jock, he's a nerd. It's pretty hilarious. I was the first person he ever told, about him being gay that is. As soon as he told me, I hugged him. He cried for hours. We'd been alone all day, and he said he had something to say. I was there for him when he was at one of his lowest points. And I don't think we've ever been closer until after that. I'd kill someone if they messed with him."

I smile. Maybe I misjudged this guy. He seems... Friendly. I think I can trust him.

"Yes."

He smiles and says: "Thank you for trusting me. I know you're probably scared that I'm going to out you to everyone. But that's not me. I won't do that. I have another question. Do you have your eye on anyone? I suspect someone, but I'd rather know for sure."

My heart quickens. I feel my body tense up.

"Don't worry. It's not obvious. You aren't obvious. The only reason I know and suspect, is I've had experience in seeing all these signs before. My gaydar is pretty much on point." He laughs.

"I do. Have a crush on someone I mean. I love them, I mean him. He is, honestly, everything to me. But he doesn't know. He doesn't know that I'm gay, or that I love him."

He smiles: "Whoa. Love? Isn't that a bit quick? Who is it?"

I smile, thinking about Chase. "I do love him. I've loved him for a long time. And I know that he loves me. Just not in the same way that I love him. Who do you think it is?"

He chuckles.

"I think you have a crush on someone by the name of... How's it go again? Oh yeah!" He whispers: "Chase Summers."

My heart stops. I know that I'm safe here. I know that Lance isn't going to hurt me. Why am I still so tense?

"I have a feeling I'm right." He smiles. "Like I said, your secret is safe with me. I know I've never done anything to you, or for you, that proves that. But I am hoping that we can become close enough that I can prove it one day. That one day, you can trust me with these things. You said you've never told him before. Have you considered telling him?"

I laugh at that. "Sure. Let me just waltz right up to the quarterback of the football team and tell him how I feel. That'll go over well. I'm sure we'll fall in love, and live happily ever after."

He laughs.

"What's so funny, smartass? Think it's funny that I'm in love with my best friend? Think it's funny that the love that I have for him will never be returned to me? That I have to watch him, day after day after day, find some girl, get into her pants, then mark it off his little fuck list? Do you realize how much pain that has caused me? I can't stand seeing him flirt with someone else. I can't stand seeing him touch someone else. It hurts me physically. But you know what? It's funny. And it's something that I'll have to hide from him forever. If Chase ever found out that I'm gay, let alone, find out that I love him the way I do, and rejected me after finding out, then I'd probably never recover. The damage that it would cause would be, detrimental to me." As I finish, I look back up at his face. There are traces of tears pooling in his eyes.

"I would never, and have never, laughed at something like that. Your pain. It's real. It sucks. And I understand why your emotions would be destroyed. You deserve love, and to be loved. You deserve happiness. I wasn't laughing at your pain. I was laughing at the sassy guy that basically just told me to fuck off. You've got guts. Not many people would stand up to a jock. But please know that I'd never wish you to be hurt. I know that there is a stereotype on jocks that makes them unapproachable and disgustingly stupid. However, not all of us jocks are as dumb as society makes us out to be. Some of us do have emotions and care about others."

I'm a bit shocked. I didn't really think that there was much to this guy. He's beautiful, don't get me wrong. And typically, beautiful+jock=dumbass. But it wasn't true for this guy. I was wrong about this guy. I really shouldn't judge people.

"I'm sorry. I've been a bit of an ass. I judged you before I knew you. Maybe we should start over? But probably on the way back to school, since lunch ends in 20 minutes."

He chuckles at that.

We head back to campus. Before we part ways at school, he stops me outside the front doors.

"Look, you have a friend in me, and I hope you know that you can trust me. Here's my phone number. Give me a call if you need someone to vent to. And you should tell Chase."

After that, he hugs me. Not a bro, or "manly" hug. But a hug that actually conveys a form of affection. I tell him thanks, and we part ways. It's been a weird day.

As I'm walking into my English class, I see that Chase is already inside. He looks a bit pissed, and worried. He notices me walking in, and visibly relaxes.

"We need to talk after school. I want to know what he wanted with you."

I agree to this.

Classes continue for the rest of the day. As Chase and I leave Biology, he heads to the football field, and I head to the orchestra room. I begin playing that song. The one that I always play when I'm happy. The warmth and happiness seems to flow through it. I need to transcribe this song. I sense that I'm being watched, and I don't need turn around to know it's him.

"I love that song. What's it called."

"I'm not even sure. I made it up." I blush a bit.

"It's beautiful Lucas. Really, it is. What made you write it?"

I smile. You did.

"I don't know what made me write it. Just the things in my life that make me happy."

He smiles. "You ready to head home?"

We walk out of the building and reach my home. We say hello to mom, before heading into my room.

"So, what did Lance want with you?"

"Lance just had a few questions for me. He wanted to know some things about me."

"What kind of things? Have you told me them before?"

I tense up. "I haven't told you them before. It's actually that one thing."

"Well." His voice sounds hurt. "Did you tell him?"

I look into his eyes. I've hurt him again. And I didn't even mean to this time. Why am I such a fuck up? Why can't I don one thing right?

"You did... I won't lie. I am hurt right now. I still don't understand why you won't just tell me. Why you won't just let me in on this big secret you have. But I promised you that I wouldn't push you. I promised you I wouldn't make you tell me. You'll tell me when you are ready, and I can wait. I've waited 17 years for this answer, I can wait a little longer."

I move to hug him. But he shrugs me off.

"I kind of want a nap. That OK with you?" I nod.

I've hurt him again. I can see it. I'm sorry Chase. I'm sorry that I've hurt you. I watch him crawl into a ball on my bed, and soon hear him sleeping.

Why can't I do one thing right? Why is it that I can't just tell him. Why can't I be who he would love. Why can't I be his type? Why can't I be a girl.

The funny thing about depression is, it takes all the good things, and twists them. It makes them into something negative in your mind. Any positive thing you've ever done, any compliment you've ever gotten, your brain turns them into such a negative thing, that you get lost. You get lost in despair, and hopelessness. It also takes everything bad that's ever happened to you, and because of you, and shoves them back in your face. It makes you relive all those bad things you've ever done. That's where I'm at right now.

I look over, back at my friend, and begin to write a note.

I read it a couple times, fold it, and lay it beside him. I head into the bathroom, close the door, and sit down in the bathtub. I know what I must do.

Authors note: If what was mentioned above is a trigger for you, please skip this until you see these exact dashes:

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After those exact dashes have been seen again, there will not be any more triggers, hopefully. Search for those dashes. There will be that exact number and everything. End authors note.

I get up from out of the bathtub, and grab a bottle of pills. I don't know what they are, and if they'll do the job or not. But I know that enough of them should do the job.

I grab 8 of them, and crawl back into the bathtub. I fall asleep.

------------------------Chase---------------------

As I wake, I hear Luke leave the room. I notice a paper beside me. I rub the sleep from my eyes and begin reading it.

Dear Chase.

I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. The thing that I've never been able to tell you is that I'm gay. I'm gay, and I love you. I am so sorry. You're probably disgusted right now. You probably hate me so much right now. But I can't help it. I can't change it. Believe me, I've tried. I've tried being straight. I've tried being different. I've tried being someone that you deserve to have. But I can't. The reason that I stopped hanging out with you, is that I thought if I distanced myself from you, I'd lose those feelings. If I left you alone, I'd finally move on. But I never did. I'm sorry. I'm disgusting, and filthy.

I hope that you can forgive me one day. I hope that you can find it somewhere in your heart to forgive me one day. I am not expecting you to love me the way that I love you. But I do hope that you find someone who loves you as they should. You deserve so much. You're beautiful. You're amazing. You're my dream guy. But I don't deserve you. And I don't deserve to ever be in your presence again.

I know that after you've read this, you'll never want to see me again. Please know that I understand why. Please know that I will always love you.

Thank you for being in my life.

Lucas.

After I finish reading it, I'm angry. I can't have a fag for a friend.

After that thought passes through my head, I immediately feel ashamed. Lucas hasn't changed. Lucas is still himself. He just opened his heart, bared his soul for me, and I tarnished it. Fuck you Summers. I also realize that... I love him too.

I look around the room. Where's Luke? I have to find him! I have to hug him! He needs to know that I am here for him. That I breath for him. That I exist for him.

I check the living room, and ask his mom if she's seen him. She saw him walk into the bathroom.

I run to the door, and knock.

"Luke! You in there?!" I can tell something is wrong. I can feel it. I know something isn't right.

"June! Call an ambulance! NOW!"

I burst into the bathroom. I see the bottle in the tub beside him. I rush over to him. He's still breathing.

"Luke! Wake up! Wake up Luke!"

He opens his eyes. I'm crying by this point.

"Don't leave me Lucas. I love you. I need you. Please, tell me you didn't. Please tell me you didn't take those pills!"

He smiles.

------------------Lucas-------------------

I smile, and open my hand. I reveal the pills. He looks so relieved right now.

"Is everything OK guys? Why do I need to call an ambulance?"

"You don't. Everything is fine. This goober just decided to take a nap in the bathtub. Let's head back to your room, Lucas."

We leave the bathtub. We enter my room. He looks so happy right now.

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But I immediately realize what him being awake means. I glance over at the bed, and see the note.

I'm engulfed in a hug.

And then, he kisses me.

Sorry to end the chapter there! THIS IS THE LONGEST ONE YET!

I hope it makes up for such a long time and not submitting more. :/ Sorry for that... :3

Did you enjoy it? I'm sorry that the story got dark. But I don't plan on it going there again. Ever. Please email me what you think! I really appreciate it!

As always, you're all always free to just email me. I love getting to know people!

Email me at: sammcma@yahoo.com!

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