DISCLAIMER: This story contains subject matter that may not be appropriate for younger readers. It deals with homosexuality, homosexual acts, and all things homosexual. If you are offended by this, please stop reading now. This story also contains subject matter of a religious nature.
AUTHORS NOTE: This was my first attempt at a gay love story. Like much of my work in other genres, the story develops slowly, and I've concentrated on developing the characters. It's quite long, so I'll put in "suggested stop points" for you to take a breather every now and then. I guess this is a bedtime story, but guys, keep your pants on, you may have to cry before you get a load off. March 2001.
Chemistry, Love, and Fairy Tales By: mli_55 Copyright 2001
"God, there are a lot of hot guys in Saint John!"
She said that a lot, my sex-obsessed cousin, and best friend Sarah Parker.
"Oh God, look at that piece of meat"
I never was big on "god" myself. If there is a god, he's a pretty sick guy surrounding me with all these gorgeous men, then telling me I can't have them.
"Omigod omigod omigod, Marc look at this!"
It was difficult to have a conversation with her in any public place. She really had a gift, to stop thinking, and just drool. I had wandering eyes myself, but I would look you in the eye occasionally when you were talking to me. On this particular day though, I found it hard to think about men. This was my last day in Saint John, a small city on the eastern coast of Canada where I'd lived all my life. Strangely enough, it was her last day here as well.
"Marc, are you listening to me?"
"Huh?" I replied
"You weren't listening to a word I was saying were you?"
"Sure I was" But she knew I was lying. She always knew when I was lying. In 20 years I had never managed to tell her a lie, and get away with it. That's why I didn't hesitate to tell her I was gay, some years ago. I was a bit taken back by her reaction...a scream of joy and a cartwheel, followed by "Yes, yes I KNEW it!"
"Look Marc," She pointed secretly to a couple sitting two rows away from us at the Food Court "Isn't he HOT" She had fiercely whispered that last word. We did have the same taste in men, and he was hot...real hot. Short dark hair, and dark eyes, killer smile. There were a lot of men like him at our University...too good to be true you would think, and the second they opened their mouths, they proved you right. I sighed.
"He's got a girlfriend" I said, pointing not so secretly to the blonde who sat across the table from him scooping up some ice cream.
"Well that might be a problem for YOU" She told me "But it's been my experience that girlfriends can be easily dispatched"
Experience?? Does she mean 'being dispatched'? I turned back to Sarah and watched as she fumbled around in her backpack. She hauled out a large notepad and a few pencils. Sarah was an Arts student at the University, and me...I was a Chemistry major. I envy her. I can't sing, can't dance, and can't draw a straight line without a ruler...and even then I have trouble. I think I knew what she was going to do, and I wanted to sink into my seat. "Sarah, please tell me you aren't going"
"Oh I am, just you watch" She said defiantly
"You can't just take out a pencil and paper and start drawing people in the mall" but I knew my effort would be in vain. "They'll notice you". She brought her hands down and began to draw. I told myself not to worry, they can't possibly stay for much longer, and Sarah can't follow Him through the halls....would she?
"Look up, look up, look up" she was chanting. Finally He did for a moment as he stuffed the last of a hot dog slowly into his mouth. Lucky hot dog. I looked back to Sarah, furiously scribbling away on her notepad. The good news was they were done their meal. He got up to take the tray to the garbage. He was wearing a pair of tight blue denims, and if his face was beautiful, it was nothing compared to that ass! Why are all the good ones straight? He sat back down. "I thought they were leaving" Sarah whispered without looking up, hands all over the notepad. There wasn't much I could do except finish eating. Sarah was too busy to eat her burger so I stole it. Soon though, it looked like they were about to leave, and I noticed that Sarah had stopped drawing. She shifted in her seat as though to get up. I reached across the table and grabbed her arm.
"Sarah, noooo!" But she wriggled free and walked over to Him. I wanted to disappear.
"Excuse me sir!"
Before he had any time to react, she stuck out her hand. Confused, he slowly extended his hand and they shook awkwardly, as his girlfriend gave Sarah a questioning stare.
"Excuse me," Sarah continued "but, I hope you don't mind...I've been drawing you for the past few moments, and..."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing, and from the looks of their faces, they couldn't either. As Sarah kept talking I was just trying to sink deeper and deeper into my seat. Meanwhile He and his girlfriend looked like they wanted to get away from this psycho as soon as possible, and I don't blame them. Sarah started to get the point, and quickly turned around her notepad, revealing her afternoons work. Sarah looked up at Him (he was about 6'1, about a head taller than her) cautiously optimistic. It was his girlfriend who broke the silence.
"Wow, that's very good!" She said "she's made you look good"
Like he needed Sarah's help. "Yeah, you really did a good job." He looked to his girlfriend then back to Sarah "Where did you do this?"
Oh no, please don't point, PLEASE do not point at AGGGGGHHH no you pointed. Idiot.
"Do...do you often draw strangers..at the food court?" He asked
"All the time" She lied. "Here, you can have this" she said, offering the drawing to him.
"Hey, thanks!" Said his girlfriend, grabbing the drawing "We appreciate it!"
A moment later the nightmare was over as they left, and Sarah returned to the table, flashing an evil grin. "You've got nerve" I told her.
"And YOU don't." She was right. " I think he liked me"
"No." I said "That was just shock, and fear."
Back at my apartment it was time to do the final preparations for the move to Fredericton.
"Tell me Marc, why do men always wait to the last minute to pack?"
"I haven't waited until the last minute" I replied "I did some packing yesterday. And besides, I don't have a lot to bring along." That was also true. A few books, clothes, and I'd checked off the list the University gave. "How can you be so happy today?"
"How can you be so depressed?" was her answer. I took a seat on the floor beside her. "The way I look at it, this is a great day. Sure, it's our last day here, but we get to start fresh tomorrow."
I don't know anybody in Fredericton, and Sarah didn't have to change campuses to finish her degree. She decided to move along with me because...well, because we've always done everything together. On my first real date, she was there with her boyfriend. It wasn't a good night for her. When the date was over, her boyfriend came home with us. It was the last double date. She warned me that she was going to steal my next boyfriend, at all costs. The problem was, I haven't had a 'boyfriend' since then. Sure, I'd been with a few guys, but I haven't had a boyfriend. I can't seem to find what I'm looking for. I want someone that makes me smile just being around him. I want someone that gives me that tingly feeling inside when we're together...I just want to be happy. I want to make him happy. Is that too much to ask?
"You're right you know." I said "Maybe change is good. It's going to strange living with someone else again...in a 12 by 12 room no less."
"Not if your roommate is a hottie."
"What if it's a girl?" I asked. She had no answer. "Besides, you know the rules. You never sleep with your roommate...in the same bed."
"And why is that?"
"Because they're there the next morning."
"Soooo?"
"And the morning after." I continued "And the one after that."
"That could be a good thing." Sarah said "Suppose it's Mr. Right?"
"You've read too many fairly tales. Mr. Right only exists at Disney, and in sex stories."
That settled it. Sarah looked around the bare living room, settling on the wall by my mini-office. I call it an office, but it was really just an ancient computer(1999) and a desk, in a small alcove of the living room. All that was there now was the desk. "Hey Marc," Sarah said, pointing to the office "aren't you going to bring that?"
"The periodic table?"
"Yeah."
"Yes. I imagine I'll be needing it." It had gotten a lot of use these past years. I made it myself because I couldn't find one big enough in the stores.
"I really don't know how you do it Marc...Chemistry I mean." She seemed to be in deep thought. It wasn't something I was used to seeing from her...then "Hey, could you make a love potion?"
"Everything I can make looks really good to eat, but would probably kill you if you did." I walked over to the office and pulled down the big periodic table.
"Here's a deep question for you." I didn't like the look on her face as she said that. "If I was an element, which one would I be?"
Oh, this was a hard one...very difficult. Sarah is one complex little molecule. Man, this is really hard...worse than any question on any of my Finals a few months ago.
"Is it a good thing that you're taking so long?"
"Cobalt" I said. Blue was her favorite color, cobalt is happy to donate it's electrons, and Cobalt likes to have lots of other things around it. It's a friendly one.
"What about you?" was her next question. An easy one.
"Hydrogen."
"Why Hydrogen?"
"Well," I started "It's difficult to store, catches fire easily...and it only makes one bond."
"Awwww, that's sweet." She smiled broadly "Pathetic, but Sweet." Then a look came over her face that told me I was in trouble. "Wait a minute Marc...how many bonds does Cobalt make?"
I knew I was in trouble. "Just one"
"You liar. How many bonds does it make?" Damn. She always knows when I'm lying.
"On a bad day,"
"Yes" She said impatiently
"Six"
She blasted me in the arm with a stinging left. We both laughed. "You asshole".
The morning finally came, and it was time to leave. At least the sun was shining on this Sunday morning. I guess it was a good omen, I mean, it could be raining. I was beginning to think the way Sarah was. This was a new start. I took a deep breath as I stepped out of my apartment and closed the door for the last time. I went down those familiar steps, out the front door and over to the truck where Sarah was waiting, broad smile like always. She handed me the keys, and with that we left for the University. "Don't worry," she had told me "I know there's an AWESOME party tonight."
Stunning...The Fredericton campus of the University of New Brunswick. The campus in Saint John had only four buildings, but this one has a dozen, and they are big. The lawns were flowing with students getting familiar with the sites. Sarah of course, couldn't help but stop every time a hottie passed by. She stopped many times. We climbed up a set of stairs to a huge open area. It was an amazing scene...it was like the Campus had been cut out on the side of a mountain. I stood still, absorbing the view.
"God, there are a lot of hot guys in Fredericton"
I had been waiting for her to say that, and it didn't take long. We continued to walk along the brick pathway towards Joy Kidd House, Sarah's dormitory. Sarah had gotten unlucky. She had been placed in a single room, which meant she didn't get a roommate. Her room was small, empty except a twin bed and a desk. Not too long after we got there, we were leaving. Sarah was off to her dining hall, and I was heading to Mackenzie House, where my room was. On the way there I practiced what I was going to say to my new roommate. The last time I had lived with someone was three years ago when I moved out of my parents house. 'Hi, nice to meet you!' no, that was no good. 'Hey, great to see you!' nooo, we're not old friends. By the time I got to the door to my room (number 55) I still hadn't came up with a plan. The door was unlocked, I pushed it open and saw my roommate. Even if I had came up with something to say, It would have been useless. He broke the silence.
"Hey...aren't you that guy who was with that crazy girl back in Saint John?"
Damn you Sarah. Damn you. He was much better up close. He was about just over 6 feet, maybe an inch taller than me. Today he was wearing a skin hugging blue turtleneck, and more of those tight blue denims. From what I could tell, he was a muscular guy, but not huge. His face was perfect, and I can't understand why...is the combination of dark hair and dark brown eyes? Was it the high forehead and strong cheekbones? Was it that smile that could guide ships into port at night? I couldn't lay my finger on it, but I could stare all day and never get tired.
"The one that drew my picture"
"Umm, Yeah." I said "That's me." Damn you Sarah.
"It was really good." He started looking around "I brought it with me...it's here somewhere" He gave up, and took a couple of steps towards me, and extended his hand. "I'm Matthew Reed" Firm handshake...nice.
"Hi Matt"
"Matthew"
This wasn't good. "Hi Matthew." I said "My name is Marc, Marc Miller. Nice to meet you Matthew."
"So," Matthew said "are you a transfer student?"
"Yeah, I'm from the Saint John Campus. You?"
"Actually I live here, but I was in Saint John for the weekend." He took a seat on his bed. "So that means YOU need a tour around the campus. I can show you around today."
"That would be great." It was getting better. "So what are you studying?" I asked.
"I'm taking Classics and History. Greek Mythology, Athens, all that good stuff." I had taken a seat on my bed, and looked over at Matthew, stretching out over his own, putting his hands behind his head. "What are you here for?" He asked it like you would ask your cell mate what crime he had committed.
"I'm a Chemistry major."
"Wow" He said "Can you make love potions?" What was it with people, and love potions? I couldn't hold back my laughter. He smiled, and that got me to stop. Looking into his face when he smiled...it felt like being put in a trance. There was a knock on the door, and in stepped Matthew's girlfriend. She saw me, and quickly walked over and extended her hand, just like Matthew had done.
"Hi, my name's Hope," She said "I'm Matthew's sister". Sister eh? This was good news.
"Marc Miller"
"Nice to meet you!" She smiled, and turned to Matthew "I checked up on the Campus Ministry, and the first meeting is Tuesday night"
"Thanks sis. I appreciate it."
"Hey Marc," Hope said "are you going to be at the ice-breaking party tonight?"
"You bet"
"Great! I'll see you there." She winked at me, waved to her brother and quickly scooted out the door. This was just getting more and more complicated.
The tour around the campus was very eventful. I brought Sarah along, and we had walked around the entire campus. The more time I spent with Matthew, the more I liked him. Sarah did most of the talking, probing him with all sorts of questions. He and I were similar in so many ways. With each answer to Sarah's questions, I found myself becoming more and more attracted to him. Matthew was starting to look like my idea of Mr. Right, except this wasn't a Disney movie, and it wasn't a sex story. It was hard to believe I had only known him a few hours. We walked into one of the dining halls and ordered lunch. He had ordered my favorite food, lasagna. Sarah and I were about to start when Matthew interrupted us.
"Hey." He gave a both a cool glance. We both looked at him. He smiled again...that smile, it pulled at me like a magnet. He cleared his throat, then began. "Bless, oh Lord, this food to our use and us to thy service. And make us ever mindful of the needs of others. Father, we truly thank you for our many blessings. Amen."
Sarah and I looked cautiously at each other, not really sure what to do. He looked at us, and I think he was waiting for an 'amen' or two, but we didn't say anything. The awkward moment was broken up when he dug in to his lasagna.
I don't know how long we were there, but the three of us talked and talked, about anything, well, almost anything you could imagine. We learned that Matthew has been in training to become a priest. He was going to talk to the officials at the Campus Ministry about giving sermons there. Sarah had told all about her artwork, which Matthew seemed very interested in, and of course, then it was my turn. I really didn't have a lot to tell. I was going to teach chemistry...that was it. I had quickly realized that if there WAS a 'Mr. Right', the man across the table, couldn't be mine. Whoever put the two of us in the same room had made a big mismatch. While there was still time to change rooms, I thought I had to tell him that I was gay because he surely wasn't going to be comfortable with that.
And if things weren't already going strangely, his response to my surprise was even stranger. "I already know." I stared at Sarah, who threw her hands into the air. "I see the way you've been looking at me."
"You...you did?"
"No." He said "That part was a lucky guess."
"So, that's no going to be a problem?"
"Not at all. I've been raised to love, not to hate."
Sarah of course never was one to think before speaking. I could see her starting to blush (and don't ask me why). "Can I take you home?" She asked.
I spat orange juice all over Matthew, and the table. We all laughed hard. Despite the mess I had made on it, Matthew's face was as hot as it ever was. We couldn't stop, and every time I looked at either of them, it just made it worse. My eyes began to water and my stomach started to hurt. I hadn't ever laughed like that before...and it was only my first day here.
*** suggested stop point ***
"Here, I'll wash it for you." Well, it was the least I could do after covering it with orange juice. He tossed the shirt across the room, giving me my first (although short) glimpse of his scrumptious figure. He wasn't overly muscular, but he was well defined, with perfect abs. I guess priests do find time to work out. Before I could marvel for too long, he had put on a new blue long sleeve shirt. I was wearing, what Sarah liked to call, my 'hot ensemble'. You know, its what you wear to a bar, when you want to look good, without actually looking dressed up. Well it was a long walk to the party, and my sleeveless shirt didn't seem like the wisest choice when we stepped outside into this unusually cold Sunday night.
"The party," He began "goes on for quite a while. Just remember there are classes tomorrow morning."
"How could I forget?" I looked off into the distance at a girl waving at us, Sarah obviously, but not alone. Sarah and hope greeted us at the entrance and we walked in together. It was quite a scene. The University president was there, as well as a lot of Frosh (what they called first year students here). Being a third year transfer student, I escaped the title of Frosh, even though I was as new to this campus as any of them. We squeezed our way through the crowd up to the bar, and the four of us took a seat. Hope sat next to me on the right, Sarah on the left...not by my choice of course. I wasn't sure, but I didn't like the way Hope kept looking at me.
Sarah ordered a few of beers, handed me one, and placed one in front of Matthew as well.
"What are you doing?" He asked
"Leading you into temptation." That made him smile awkwardly. They began talking, and Hope engaged me in conversation. She just kept asking question after question, like she was going through some sort of checklist in her head. I tried to give her a subtle hint or two by staring at a few guys as they walked past or came up to the bar...she was thick. Matthew didn't seem to be enjoying himself either. I noticed that Sarah had moved in considerably closer to him over the past hour...has it been an hour already? And yes, Hope was still talking to me. Matthew, surprisingly had taken in quite a few drinks...I don't know if he drank frequently, or if he was trying to block out Sarah.
"Ohhhhh" Sarah giggled "that is my FAV-orite song! Let's dance!"
"Wait, I..."
It was futile. I laughed as he tried to resist her pull. I happen to know that it was NOT her favorite song. She dragged him away from the bar, and they began to dance, very awkwardly. I wasn't expecting what happened next. I suffered Matthew's fate as Hope dragged me onto the dance floor. "Hope, really, I can't dance"
"Oh, you'll do fine!" She smiled broadly, but it didn't have the effect her brother's smile did.
"We'll make fools of ourselves...I will make a fool of the both of us."
"Then fools we'll be."
When you think of dancing, you get the image of people basically standing, waving your arms above their head. Hope however took a more classic approach. With my had on her waist, she lead. I tried to make the best of a bad situation. I wanted to be Sarah right now, with Matthew, even if I was a terrible dancer.
"My brother is a bit strange huh?"
"What?"
"Matthew." She looked directly into my eyes. "He's an odd one. Once you get over the initial shock of him, he really is a different guy underneath." It was a simple four step set...simple for a normal man that is. "I guess I'm like him too."
"I agree."
"Wise ass."
"So, do you work at the Church too?" I asked
"Well, I guess you could say that. I sang in the choir at our church before I came here this year. What about you, where do you work?"
I had worked at a little restaurant called The Light Spot back in Saint John. I was famous for my cooking...that was one thing I could do. "I uh, cook things." I sounded really stupid. We continued like this for a while, but mercifully, four and a half minutes later the bloody song was over, and we switched. No, I was with Sarah.
"Don't dance with him" She laughed
"Why?"
"You won't have any feet left after he's done stomping on them." I told her about Hope and she found that quite amusing. "There is some good news," She told me "I felt them...soooo hot."
I wasn't sure what she was talking about...his abs? legs?....possibly even...this after all was Sarah. "What are you talking about?"
"His body!" She practically fainted in my arms. "I, well I guess you could say my hands were...very mobile."
I wasn't surprised.
"Nice abs for an alter boy."
"Well good luck Sarah. You know you better act fast." She looked at me questioningly. "Once he becomes a priest, you're out of luck. Priests are celibate."
"Well Mister, don't you worry yourself about me." She smiled at me, in that way she did when she was up to no good. "I told you I had good news remember."
"His body."
"No no, better than that."
"Well come on, end the suspense."
"He's gay!!"
I didn't trust the look on her face. I was going to make her pay for that little trick. "Did he tell you?" And the mischievous look disappeared.
"Wellllll, no, not in those words. But you know me Marc...I just KNOW these things. I can tell."
"I really think you're wrong this time little cuz."
"I was right about you, when nobody else was." Again, her smile of triumph.
"Well, this is different."
"No," She said "It's the same...I'm positive. I think you just need to make the first move. And Marc?"
"Yeah."
"If I were you, I would ignore your advice about never sleeping in the same bed with a roommate." She wrinkled her brow, and turned. "Ta ta" Off she went into the crowd.
As much as I wanted to believe Sarah, I knew she was wrong. As cruel as it was, It was just the way of it. Instead of dreaming about what could be, like a fairly tale, I had to start looking for someone else. A big room full of men all around, alcohol working its magic on our youthful brains, a perfect atmosphere for making a move. And of course, that means I didn't do anything. I sat down beside Matthew at a table on the left wall. He was looking as hot as ever. He looked better to eat than anything I had ever cooked up at The Light Spot. This meal however, wasn't on the menu.
"How is it?" I asked, pointing to his beer "You don't look like you drink a lot."
"Never have before." He had a far away look in his eyes. "That sister of yours is nice."
"You mean my cousin Sarah? Yeah, she's a character"
"You're a character."
"Thanks." I was lost in his eyes. I kept hearing Sarah's voice in my head 'make a move Miller, make a damn move'.
"Tell me this Marc."
"Sure" I said "What is it?"
"When you were growing up...who was your idol?"
That was a hard one. There were a lot of people I respected, but I never really had an idol. "I guess I would say...Niels Bohr."
It looked like he recognized the name. He was still looking into my eyes. We were too close for me to take. I was getting hard, but fortunately there was a table to hide it. "Why?" He asked.
"His ideas. He had lots of ideas that a lot of other chemists didn't agree with. Actually, there weren't many who did agree. But Bohr put forth his crazy ideas about the atom, because he believed in them. Even though we know today that he WAS wrong, it was his ideas, his theories, that lead us to find a better answer. He was a crazy guy...but if we had more crazy guys like him, I bet we would have a lot better understanding of how the world works."
Matthew looked like he had absorbed it all, like he was hanging on every word I said. I loved it, but I ran out of things to say.
"So, it's okay to be wrong, its okay to do something crazy" He said "because later, people just might thank you for doing it anyway."
"Yeah." I said. "What about you? Who's your idol?"
"Jesus."
I guess that didn't need an explanation.
"All my life," He continued "I've tried to be like him. But, " He paused. It looked like he was engaging in some quiet introspection.
"But what?"
"It's a high standard to live up to."
So much for a party. This was actually somewhat depressing. I tried to lighten up the mood. "So you know the bible pretty well huh?"
He laughed, and took another gulp of beer. "You could say that. Why?"
"What's going to happen to me?"
"Hmm? You mean, being gay?"
"Yeah. What happens to me?"
"To be honest, I don't really know. I don't claim to know God, but I don't think he's the type who'd make you burn in hell over it."
"So I'm not evil?"
"Stop that." He looked quite serious. "Murderers are evil, rapists are evil, you..what have you ever done? Don't say such a stupid thing."
"You know, not every priest is as nice as you are." I smiled weakly. 'that's not making a move Marc Miller, you moron...get on with it'. 'Shut up Sarah' I thought.
"I'm not a priest. Yet." That serious look returned and he looked me dead in the eyes. "But I know you aren't evil. No more than me, or the people standing over there, or over there." He finished off his glass. He reached across the table and put his hand on my shoulder. "Don't lose any sleep over it."
His touch...it was like nothing I'd ever felt before. All at once, I felt relaxed, peaceful, happy, comforted....aroused. I could only see him, the rest of the room was empty. Just the two of us, alone.
"Time to go I think." he said, rising out of his seat. He stumbled a bit. I helped him up, and we walked together back outside. It seemed much warmer outside. I can't say if it was that the temperature had rose, or it was because I was holding him. For years I searched for a soul mate, and here he was, but he wasn't mine. He wasn't anybody's. As we walked together along the path toward Mackenzie House he was singing, or rather, trying to sing some sort of song that I couldn't make out. He certainly hadn't chose to take it easy on his first night of drinking. It was impossible to understand his words, but they were beautiful. Getting up the stairs was quite interesting. Near the top of the second flight of stairs, he stumbled and knocked me slightly off balance, and we fell, standing up against the wall. Our faces were inches apart. He was giggling, I was laughing. "Sorry about that" He grinned and tried to move, but it was no use...his legs weren't working. I started breathing heavier, my senses were going wild...his eyes slowly closed.
"Okay Matthew,"
"Call me Matt" There was that irresistible smile again.
"Hold on tight, we're going for a ride." With that, I picked him up, and started towards our door.
"Hey, wait! put me down you foul villain" He flailed his free arm "Unhand me! help, somebody help."
"Shut up!" I managed, though laughter "You'll wake people."
"Heeeeelp!!!!! Somebody"
I moved up to the top of the stairs, and continued down the hall. He turned his head, and saw me. "Oh, Marc, thank god, you got here just in time! This man back on the stairs, he"
"Yes, yes" I said "It was terrible." I set him down against the wall outside the door, and fumbled for the key.
"He was very scary."
Despite myself, I managed to open the door. I helped him inside and tossed him onto his bed. "Wheeeeeeee" He was asleep before his head hit the pillow. I threw a spare blanket on him, and walked over to my own bed. What a night. What a place. Too bad he wouldn't remember a thing tomorrow morning. I got into bed, and lay there for a few moments, and I heard a thud. Matt had fallen out of his bed...or so I thought. I looked over at him. He was knelt down at the side of the bed, hands clasped. He was praying...for what, I couldn't make out. A moment later he crawled into the bed. I fell asleep with images of him swarming through my head.
I felt great the next morning, but I can't say the same about Matthew. He was holding his head as he asked me "Marc...how did I get back here last night?"
"Well first you were abducted, but I came to your rescue, and brought you back here."
"What?"
"That's what you thought happened."
"So I made a fool of myself?"
"Not at all. You did step on Sarah's feet quite a bit."
"I remember that...her hands all over the place."
"That's right. Then you got really excited. You grabbed me we took over the dance floor...it was wild" I flashed him and evil grin "Your hands were all over the place."
He was a very trusting guy. I think for a minute he actually believed me. I ducked to avoid being clobbered with a pillow.
"Is it always like this?" He pointed to his head
"You'll get used to it. Try to take it slower next time."
"What are you doing for lunch today?"
"Nothing yet."
"Want to meet up outside Lady Dunn Dining Hall, eat with me outside?"
"Sounds like a plan to me." Like I would pass that up? Sarah would disown me.
All morning I couldn't concentrate on classes. I was busy thinking about Matthew, and lunch. Three hours after the day began, my last lecture wrapped up and I set out to meet Matthew. He was already there when I arrived. "Hey Matthew!" I took a seat beside him at him one of the many picnic tables.
"Guess what Marc?"
"What?"
"I had my first Chemistry class today!" I guess it was his turn to play a joke.
"Did you really?"
"Yeah, I decided to take it as an elective this year." He turned and smiled at me, mouth full of food "And if I ever need help, I can always ask you!"
I rubbed a piece of his french fry off my face. "Yes, yes you can." I started on my lunch. "So Matthew,"
"Call me Matt."
I smirked. "You told me that last night too."
"Did I?"
"Right after you called me a sexy piece of meat." I had put on my most serious face. He didn't buy it, but I didn't relent.
"What?"
"You did."
"No I didn't." He was smiling, and I did my best to resist. "Are you being serious?"
"No." He jabbed me in the arm.
"You're a riot Marc." I poked him in the side, and he squirmed.
"Ohhhhh Matt's ticklish!!"
"No, don't even," But I did. With both hands I prodded and poked and wiggled. He had fallen over, and I had gotten on top of him. He tried to wriggle free, but I continued to poke mercilessly at his sides. "Stop, it" was all he could manage to say between fits. Then he got lucky, as he poked me in my side.
"Don't you even try!" I warned, but in my lapse of concentration he overpowered me. I struggled up and began to run, laughing, Matt closely followed me.
"You can't escape! I'll get you in your sleep if I have to."
Bring it on.
I ran around corners trying to dodge him, but I had only been here a day...sooner or later he would catch me. I thought about giving up. I waited around the corner of the dining hall, and was going to let him run past me, but he saw me, and gave an evil laugh. I bolted away, and he followed me, I ran and ran. I thought I had lost him, but he may have been laying a trap. I looked to my left and right, where could I hide? Then I saw it...the Campus Ministry. I would be safe in there...right?
I stepped inside. It was a miniature church, complete with statues, and stained glass. I heard him call my name from outside, so I quickly hid behind a pew.
"I've got you on home turf now Miller!" He stepped quietly towards me. "It's only a matter of time"
I could see his feet moving closer and closer. Then he could hear my laugh. He moved on me quickly, but I was too fast, I got out, back onto the grounds running. I could see him behind me. I stopped just before I turned to corner to head to my room. I caught my breath...almost home free. I slowly stuck my head around to check if Matt was around...he was right there, and he grabbed me.
"Pleeeease" I lost it. One of my many weaknesses was that I was ticklish, everywhere. "Stop it"
"No way"
My eyes began to water, my energy was sapped. I was helpless.
"You give?"
"Yes, yes yes".
Finally he relented. We layed there laughing together, looking up at the blue sky. We looked at each other then. I had never had more fun in my life than this afternoon. I wanted this year to last forever.
Over the next few weeks we became even closer. We did everything together. We were the best of friends...but that was all we were, best friends. I wanted more. I desperately wanted more...but I couldn't make the first move. I even began attending his sermons at the Campus Ministry on weekends...hell, if all priests looked as good as he did, I may not have minded going to church every Sunday growing up. It was torture, but I just couldn't take Sarah's advice. I didn't want to lose what I had...even if it wasn't all that I wanted. You remember the old saying that 'time flies when you're having fun'? Well it's not a fairy tale. The final exams for the first semester were fast approaching. I was having the time of my life, but it was all happening too quickly, and I was powerless to stop it.
On the night before Matt's last exam (his Chemistry exam), we were studying together. Actually I was just doing my best to help him out. He was worried about it, but I felt confident that my little chemist was going to walk away with an A the next day. Frost had built up on the window...it was December.
"I really appreciate this Marc."
"Aw, it's nothing."
"I'm really lucky to have you."
Oh, the irony was horrible.
"There's just one thing that I done seem to get." He pulled out a fresh sheet of paper and handed me a pen. "Electrons Marc."
I laughed. "What about them?"
"When you need to know the configuration of an atom, I get it wrong a lot."
Well, this was an easy one. I grabbed the paper. "Okay, look at this hotel."
"What?" He laughed "That looks like an open umbrella!"
Yes my art was terrible, but this wasn't a mistake. "It's supposed to look that way. Look here, the floors of the hotel get bigger as you go up. The lowest floor only has one room. The second floor has one bigger room, and the third floor has 3 rooms."
"The number of orbitals in the shell right?"
"Exactly!" I said, very pleased "Only two electrons can fit in one room together. The people at the reception desk fill up the rooms one at a time from the bottom floor up to the top floor. The space between floors gets bigger as you go up too. It takes more energy for the bellhops to carry your belongings up to the higher floors."
"What are you talking about?"
"Trust me, you'll remember better this way." He thought I was crazy, but he followed along. "Now, listen carefully because this is very important."
"You have my total, undivided attention."
"Okay, when you're putting electrons into rooms you have to careful! They must be heterosexual!"
"What??"
"It's very important. There can be no homosexual electrons okay, one electron has to be pointing up, and the other has to be pointing down! NO exceptions" This was turning out pretty good. I knew I could teach this stuff.
"What kind of a hotel is this?"
"It's the Miller, Heterosexual Hotel. 10 Kj/mol per night."
"You're messed up." Matt said, still trying to grasp the greatness of my little tale.
"And I love you too."
We looked into each others eyes. It seemed very quiet at that moment. His eyes were pulling me in, like a black hole. I could feel myself moving towards him...I could see my hands moving towards him. It was like I was on autopilot. My arms rested on his arms, and before either of us knew what had happened...our lips met. It was amazing. The room was spinning. I pushed my tongue through his lips and explored his mouth. So this is what it felt like. I felt his hands on my chest. He carefully pushed me back.
"I...." He lowered his head, unable to look at me. "I can't do this."
The room stopped spinning. Reality had given me a swift left hook.
Run
"I..I'm sorry"
Run
"I'm so sorry"
Run
I got up and backed towards the door. With every step, it was like someone had added a hundred pounds of weight to my feet. "I shouldn't have..."
Run as fast as you can.
I stepped out of the door, and walked down the hall, down the stairs, outside Mackenzie House. I began to run...where...I didn't know. All I could think about was running, running as fast as I could. Why did I have to do it? Why did I ruin everything?
Run, run as fast as you can.
I ran and ran, I didn't know where I was, I didn't care. All I cared about...I had just ran away from. I ran, and ran, never looking back. I ran into the street. I looked up into the sky. Where was I going to go? What was I going to do? I heard a loud noise and turned in its direction. Bright lights. I was frozen. I couldn't move...I didn't want to move. The lights were upon me...I was flying...then I was falling.
******** suggested stop point ********
"Right this way." The nurse lead me down the long corridor to Marc's room. "He's in there."
They had kept me from seeing Marc for a week since the accident, allowing only his parents in. I stepped in the room. I wasn't prepared for what I saw. Noticing my reaction the nurse put her hands on my shoulder. He was just lying there, motionless. The only activity in the room was the constant beeping of the heart monitor. I walked over to him, sat down and took his hand into mine. The doctors said that there was a good chance Marc would wake up soon. The car accident had put him in a coma. He had had a dislocated shoulder, but in comparison, that was minor. In a odd sort of way, I guess it could have been worse. I just sat there for a long time, holding him. I hadn't planned on spending the Christmas season in Chalmers Regional Hospital.
I wasn't looking at the same Marc I had seen these past few months. Since the start of the semester, I had never seen him without a smile. He was full of life...and now all he was doing was breathing. Marc had always been that way though...he was either on top of the world, or crushed beneath it. I hadn't seen Matthew since the accident, but I had frequently talked to his sister Hope. Hope had told me that Matthew didn't take the news well at all. She said Matthew thought he was to blame, which neither of us could understand at the time. I stayed there for an hour, then they made me leave. That was okay, because I would be back later. I would be here a lot, as much as it hurt to see him like that. I knew Marc would do the same for his little cuz if I ever got hurt. I wanted to be the first face he saw when he opened his eyes, and hopefully that would be soon.
Later that night I started my walk down the corridor towards Marc's room.
"Hello again Sarah."
I nodded to the nurse, and continued down the hall, but when I got to the window I stopped. Matthew was in there, at Marc's side. I didn't go in the room. I just watched, hoping he wouldn't notice me. Matthew didn't look like his usual self either. He looked like he hadn't slept in a week, but then again, the same was true of me. I think I needed a shower. I came back every day, and every day Matthew was already there. I left them alone, just observing from the window. I guess being the second face Marc saw when he woke up was good enough for me.
I decided to visit Marc when I knew I would be alone, that is, Sunday morning. I had gotten up bright and early, and had a shower, for a change. The hospital was quiet this morning, as I expected. I made the walk down the long corridor, and stopped at the window. Matthew was there. He was holding Marc's hand in one of his, and in the other...it looked to me like his collar. I opened the door. He looked surprised to see me.
"Sarah...Hi."
"Hi." I walked over to the other side of the bed. It was silent for a few minutes, except for the beep, beep, beep of Marc's heart monitor.
"It's all my fault." Matthew said. This was my chance to find out why.
"How can it be your fault?" I asked "It isn't like you pushed him in front of the car."
"You don't understand." He said "I did push him in front of the car. This is all because of me."
"What do you mean you pushed him in front of the car? Nobody else was there."
"That night. I pushed him away." There was a long pause. "Right into the car."
"I don't understand" I said. "Stop talking in riddles."
"It's not a riddle," He said "That night, he kissed me...and I pushed him away."
Thank you. Now I understood, or at least I thought I did. But that meant I was wrong about Matthew...I had told Marc to make a move...it was all MY fault!
"Matthew," I said "It's not your fault. You didn't mean for things to turn out this way, did you?"
"Of course not."
"Then don't try to convince yourself otherwise." I sat down beside the bed. "Don't you believe that things happen for a reason?"
His voice sounded a little angrier this time around. "What possible reason could there be for this?"
"I...I don't know. I was hoping you might."
"I've looked for an answer, and there is none." He looked up to the ceiling. "Why?"
It was quiet again for a few minutes. Then I heard Matthew laugh softly. I looked over at him.
"He sort of looks like Snow White you know." Matthew said "Asleep...just waiting for...waiting for a prince to come along and kiss him."
I had to agree. It was cute. All quiet, beep, beep, beep. I looked at Marc's expressionless face. I almost started to cry. Then I heard something hit the floor. I looked, and it was Matthew's collar. I looked up at him, staring at Marc. Then he moved, slowly towards his face. Then it happened, Matthew's lips met Marc's. I was right all along. "Yes, yes I KNEW it!" I screamed. There wasn't enough room to cartwheel.
He sat back down, and so did I. I was beaming, but he was not.
"But this isn't Snow White, is it?" He asked.
Marc did not wake up.
"Why?" I saw a tear fall from Matthew's eye, landing on Marc's hand. It was too much for me...a tear rolled down my face and fell to the floor.
"Why?" He repeated, sounding more desperate. It was a question without an answer. We cried together. It was soon time to leave. It was time to head back and try to sleep...and come back in the morning. I couldn't imagine how Matthew could sleep, knowing who's empty bed was just across the room.
I opened my eyes. I felt well-rested. I took a look around. Damn. Still alive. What a surprise, nobody here. I did a quick check of myself...sore shoulder, otherwise fine. And I had been hit by a car? I still had my memory. The door opened, and a small woman in a lab coat walked in, saw me and dropped her clipboard.
"You're awake???"
Obviously. She disappeared and quickly returned with a doctor. So many questions for me. All I wanted to know was when I was leaving. I wasn't in a rush to get back to Mackenzie House, that was for sure. I was looking forward to eating something, even if it was cheap hospital food. I wanted to see Sarah.
"What day is this?"
"It's December 28, you've been out for 15 days."
Only 15 days. Next time try to run in front of a truck. They told me about all my visitors. My parents had flown in from their Christmas vacation, Sarah had been in every day, twice a day. And Matt had came. I wonder how his Chemistry exam went. The police wanted to talk to me too...I guess they weren't convinced I had been hit by accident, much less by my own stupidity. After a few hours I heard someone running down the hall..must be Sarah I thought, and it was. Despite the staff's requests, she threw her arms around me.
"You idiot!" She said as she squeezed me "Total moron!"
"I love you too."
She punched me as hard as her little muscles would allow, right in my sore arm. "You stupid jerk! What do you think you're doing running into a car?" She hugged me again, then threw another punch. The staff began to drag her out of the room.
"No, it's okay" I said "She can stay." They released her.
"Damn right I can stay!" She walked back over to me and punched me again.
I guess some things never change. Sarah and I did everything together, including apparently, spending time in the hospital. For four long days, she smuggled in food, she brought me news, and talked to me. One person however was curiously absent since I had came to. Matt. I didn't know how I would react when I saw him. Sarah told me that Matt was as uneasy as I was about it. When I had woken up on the second morning, I thought I saw him outside the window, but I can't be sure.
At last I was released. Sarah and I walked out of Chalmers Regional Hospital, and returned to the University. We went to her room. I was planning to stay there, but Sarah convinced me that I had to go back. I couldn't stay away forever.
"Why can't you just tell him how you feel?" Sarah asked
"There's no need. I think I made it clear that night."
"No." Simple enough reply. "You kissed him. Big deal. Anyone can kiss. But not just anyone can say those three words."
I knew what she was talking about. She had just repeated to me word for word, with pauses in the right places, exactly what I had told her a long time ago. Sarah couldn't get it through her head that it could never work. I had already proved that.
"But you Marc," She continued "are a stubborn jerk who wont take a chance, and go after what he wants."
I didn't care for the lecture, and the tone in my voice wasn't making her very comfortable. "I did give it a chance. I took your advice, and it ruined everything."
But instead of admitting she was wrong, and apologizing for her horrible advice she stood defiantly in the center of the room, smiling broadly, hands on her hips. She looked like she had just conquered Egypt.
"That's where you're wrong Marc. You did the right thing. I told you I have a way of knowing things."
"Like how to cause disaster and sorrow?" I mocked
"When you were in the hospital, He came every day." She paused for a second, and took a seat beside me. "He was there before I was. He was there after I left."
"Praying for my evil soul to be saved?"
"Stop it." She was getting angry. "Why do you have to be so cynical about everything?"
"I'm not being cynical." I answered weakly...a lie of course.
"You bitch and complain about how you'll never find love, " and putting on her best Marc Miller voice "how love only exists in fairy tales and sex stories." She grabbed my chin, forcing me to look her in the eyes. "And then love comes knocking on your door. And what do you do? Nothing. No, not nothing, you ran in front of a car."
As much as I hated it, she was making sense. "But I didn't do nothing. I made my move."
"Since when does Marc Miller give up so easily?" She shook me. "You've never been a quitter. Were you expecting that love would come without a little work? All you needed was to keep in the fight. I have faith in you."
"Why are you so confident? Why should I follow your advice this time?"
She lowered her head. Had I finally defeated her? "Marc," She said "I didn't want to tell you this. I wanted...I hoped...you would find out for yourself."
Some profound wisdom from Sarah? This would be good indeed.
"He kissed you."
He kissed me.
"You have rubbed off on him" she continued. "Do you know what he said just before he kissed you?" I didn't answer, so she kept going. "He called you Snow White. He said you needed a handsome prince to come along to wake you up. And then he did."
Maybe I was being an asshole, maybe she was right. Maybe we are meant for each other. Maybe not. "Then why didn't he come to see me when I came to?"
"Why are you so afraid to go and see him now?"
Point-counterpoint. I was obviously not winning this argument.
"You are going to go over there right now, throw caution to the wind, and tell him everything." It wasn't a suggestion, it was an order.
I waited until nightfall. I was nervous. How could I go back in there after my stupid mistake...no. Not a mistake. Whatever it was...wasn't good. To think, me, Marc Miller, in the business of seducing young religious college boys. I only had myself to blame...and Sarah...why was she always right? Almost always.
I stood outside Mackenzie House, took a deep breath, and entered. Almost there. Top of the second flight...there's the door. I saw myself, that night, carrying a drunken Matt down the hall after rescuing him from the mysterious kidnapper on the stairs. I laughed. I walked to the door, and held out the key. I'd like to say I was hoping he wasn't in there, or was asleep...but that would be a lie. I turned the lock. Things would be different. Only time could tell. I opened the door. I closed it behind me. Immediately he stood up. I looked at him, and he looked at me.
Both of us spoke at the same time.
"I'm sorry"
"No, I'm sorry" Both of us again.
So here it was, our meeting, not going as I planned, but nothing ever did. He began to move towards me, in what felt like slow motion. I was caught in a bearhug. I was relieved. I couldn't move, but I loved it.
"How can someone so smart do something so stupid?"
Oh great, first Sarah, and now Matt.
"Breathe....can't, breathe"
He released me...sort of. "Sorry."
I looked at his sheepish grin, into his dark brown eyes...searching. There was something he wanted to say, but he wasn't saying it. I was determined to set things strai...well, to fix things.
"I'll go first." I said "I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have done it. It wont happen again. I'm sorry."
There. I said it. I attempted to back away, but he held me there. I couldn't read his eyes...but it wasn't his eyes that held the clue to the mystery.
"Do you mean it?"
I thought I did.
"Yes." He was so damn irresistible. Here he was, holding me close, his soft luscious lips just inches from mine, his hot breath on my cheek, and I'm promising not to ever rip the clothes off of him. Yes, I really was an idiot. "I'll try." And with a little giggle, "How hard I'll try...I can't make any guarantees."
He looked disappointed in my answer. I suppose I should have said 'yes, absolutely'. "Then," he said "you leave me no other choice."
He kissed me. Ten seconds felt like ten minutes. His lips felt amazing. My knees turned to water, and if he wasn't holding me, I'd have already fallen over. In shock, I stared at him. He flashed that 1000 Watt smile at me again.
"I'm not so good at words." He said
Rendered limp by his advance, I could only mumble out "huh?"
"I don't know how to explain it, but when I'm around you," he ran one his smooth hands through my hair "I just feel like..."
He kissed me again. The temperature in the room went up a few degrees. He backed me into the wall, and started a journey into new territory with his tongue. He was very tentative, but I was happy to help him out. We wrestled with our tongues, and all the time I had 'hands all over the place'. I squeezed his firm ass cheeks, and he inhaled deeply.
Hold on. What was happening here? Am I going to suddenly wake up from a dream back in Chalmers Regional Hospital? I wasn't about to make a mistake this time.
"Matt, are you sure you want to do this?"
This time, his eyes said it all.
"You have no idea." He pushed me down onto the bed and hopped on top of me, displaying a row of gleaming white. Wow. He was on all fours, ready to pounce on his helpless prey. "I've wanted to do this for a long time."
It was my turn to call him a moron. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I'm a stubborn jerk who wont take a chance, and go after what he wants."
That sounded familiar.
"All my life, I've lived a certain way, did as I was told, was friends with who I was supposed to be friends with. I spent all my time listening to what others told me would lead me to happiness...and I never listened to myself."
It bugs me, that Sarah is never wrong. But I had to ask, "What changed in 15 days?"
He used his fingers to 'walk' up my body as he talked. "I made my choice."
"But there's just one problem." He continued, as he unbuttoned my shirt. "I've never done this before." He sat up and placed his hands on his hips, maybe waiting for instructions. He was sitting directly on my trapped hardness. I thought my jeans were seconds from bursting. Why was I the nervous one here? He certainly wasn't having any problem removing my clothes...in fact, I think he enjoyed stripping me more than I did.
"There's no guidebook for this. You just do it" I said. It was then that an evil grin came across his face. I knew what he was going to do. He squeezed my sides, and started to poke and prod. His touch was like a shot of electricity. Before I lost control of myself, I pushed him off of me and rolled onto him. I helped him out of his shirt. "Maybe I can show you a trick or two."
"I've got a good teacher."
I slowly massaged his naked chest. There was no need to rush. I could feel a considerable lump between his legs, but all in good time, all in good time. I unleashed my tongue upon his right nipple. His breathing became heavier as I swirled around, every now and then taking a soft nibble. I moved on to his left nipple. He was relaxing, becoming more comfortable with this new experience. His hands began to wander around. When he slid a hand underneath my jeans I began to work double time.
With a soft moan he threw his head back. I pinned his hands down near his head, and it was my turn to flash an evil grin...no harm in letting him think I was up to no good, even if I wasn't. I loved that look, a mix of lust and fear. I kissed my way from his neck, down to his navel, and continued to the zipper of his jeans. He raised his head, our eyes locked. I thought it looked like he was daring me to go on. He didn't need to wait long.
I undid the button of his Denims, and proceeded to unzip his jeans with my teeth, all the while he was purring like a kitten. All that remained in the way between me and my dream man were his white Fruit of the Loom's. They soon were friends with the floor.
I surveyed his hard cock. A good seven inches and not too thick, and cut. That of course, was not a surprise. He was already oozing precum. I began to cover his shaft with my saliva, licking everywhere. He tasted as good as he looked. His soft moans were driving me wild. I took his swelling member into my mouth, eliciting a very loud gasp of pleasure from Matt. It made me tingle from head to toe. I lost myself in a slow rhythmic motion, all the while squeezing any part of his firm body I could reach with my hands.
He brought up his knees a little and spread his thighs. He started twitching, and I prepared myself for what I thought was coming next. He was mumbling incoherently, clutching the sides of the bed hard with his hands. He let out a LOUD moan that the neighboring rooms HAD to have heard. I bet Sarah heard it from Joy Kidd House. But nothing. False alarm.
"Uhhhh, Marc, what are you doing to me."
Ignoring the question, I continued on, and his body quaked with every bob of my head. Then he began to thrust his hips, ever so slowly. He progressed to slow, longer thrusts.
The innocent virgin, so timid and shy, now fucking my mouth. What the fuck?
His entire body was tense, and his rhythm was completely gone, meaning only one thing. With one big thrust he exploded. It seemed like 100 blasts, as I fed hungrily on his sweet nectar. He collapsed, going totally limp as I slurped up the droplets of jizz that fell from my mouth.
I looked at him, limp, glazed over look of euphoria on his picture perfect face, hair all messed up...god, he was hot. I watched as his chest moved up and down as he breathed. If I went blind right then, and never saw another image, I would die a happy man. But breathing was all he was doing.
"Matt?" No response.
"Earth to Matthew." Still nothing.
I crawled up and looked into his eyes. Instantly, he grabbed my head and pulled me down hard onto his lips. He wrapped one leg around me, pulling me into him. We became one. One sweaty mass of flesh. It was the most erotic moment of my life. He rolled on top of me, never breaking our embrace. I could feel my cock pulsing. He started kissing me all over, driving me insane. He slowly licked my neck from Adam's Apple up to my chin, and I nearly came right then.
I opened my legs wide, praying that he would end this terror, but he was a tease. He worked on my nipples until they were sensitive and sore. He was fascinated with my navel. Each time his tongue touched it, my body shivered, which only gave him reason to keep doing it.
Then he moved south, and began to play with my scrotum. He was going to make me cum without even touching my shaft. He licked all over, and buried his face in. His hot breath was becoming more than I could stand.
Then he stopped.
He looked me in the eyes. I was breathing heavy, he was breathing heavy. We just watched each other for what must have been a minute. He looked at me with lustful eyes, as I'm sure I was. Then he said to me in the sexiest voice I've ever heard;
"Fuck my ass." Part invitation, part demand, and part challenge.
There was no doubt in my mind. There is a god. And he's great.
THE END
AUTHORS NOTE: While I am a Chemistry student at the University of New Brunswick, and I do have a sex-obsessed cousin, the main character Marc Miller is not actually based on me. Some plot elements, and the whole Chemistry thing is based on my real life experiences, but that is because this was my first story, and I needed a strong basis to work with. The events described in this story are entirely fictional (with the exception of a few incidents, like the "excuse me sir, I was drawing you" scene). I have also taken liberties with my description of the Fredericton Campus of UNB. I would love to hear your comments and suggestions in regards to this story. You can email me at mli_55@yahoo.com.