Chapter 2 -- Sunday, September 16, part 1
I woke up pinching myself to see if this was all real.
Yep. I was still wearing the soft white camisole and Becky's white panties with the see--thru bottom. I was cuddling my pillow and dreaming soft dreams. I could still feel the tingling of the makeup remover on my face from the night before. I jumped up to write down everything that happened yesterday, and after a few minutes, Mom was tapping at my bedroom door.
I nearly jumped out of my skin. In "boy-mode", my regular morning uniform was an old, oversized cotton robe that belonged to my Dad before he died. I kept wearing it like a security blanket, to stay connected to him. I grabbed it and pulled it on, yelling, "OK, come in."
Mom cracked open the door, smiled, and said, "That robe won't do. Let me get you something from some of Becky's old stuff so you can come down to breakfast." In an instant, she was back with a little shortie robe, and said, "Come on down in a couple of minutes." Then she giggled and continued, "I think we need to talk."
I was blood red with embarrassment, even though it was apparent Mom was accepting of the way I was dressing -- even encouraging, with the robe. I just looked down and mumbled, "Yes, Ma'am." I really think I heard her giggle as she left for downstairs.
Five minutes later, I was in the kitchen and Mom was serving up some scrambled eggs and orange juice. I just looked down at my plate, still embarrassed. She sat across from me, and without missing a beat, said, "OK, let's talk. What's going thru your mind?"
I started sniffling again, and she said, firmly, "No, none of that. I'm not angry. In fact, I'm glad we have this out in the open. I guessed a long time ago that you weren't happy as a boy. Even Aunt Lilly noticed, and she said Jason told her you weren't very much fun with boy-stuff."
Jason was Aunt Lilly's 16 year old son. He and I had been, well, kinda like playmates growing up, although he was much more of a boy than I ever would be.
All I could do was sigh. I said, "I'm sorry if I'm embarrassing you. Has Becky said anything?"
"Becky's too much in her own world to really notice. Anyway, she still thinks of you more like the baby she helped to raise, and not really as a male sibling. But no one's embarrassed. I just want to know where your head is at in this."
I started spilling my guts. "I'm not really happy with boy things. I've been jealous of you and Becky and Aunt Lilly and all of the pretty girly things you have. When you're not around, I play with Becky's old toys and sometimes dress in her clothes to imagine I'm the other sister in the household. When Becky would bring boys home last summer, I started imagining I was dating them. Heck, Becky and I used to talk about her boyfriends, and I really felt like I was her little sister."
"Huh," Mom grunted. "Does anyone else know how you feel? What about at school? How do your classmates treat you?"
I'm lucky to attend a pretty liberal, small private school. The kids mostly come from fairly progressive families, and there are more than a few openly gay older kids. "I'm fine at school. The boys are indifferent, and I mainly hang with the girls. I suspect they all think I'm gay, but probably no one knows about the... huh... I've never even thought the word, but the `crossdressing' thing."
Mom just nodded and thought for a few moments. "You're not going thru puberty yet, your voice isn't changing, and from what I saw last night in the panties you borrowed from your sister, you haven't started developing as a young man yet." I though I was going to die when she said all that, but she just kept going. "But, I can see you're already more interested in boys than girls, and that's OK. However...." And with that she seemed to drift off for a minute. "However, you're probably already old enough to understand that sexual orientation and gender orientation are two different things. For example, a lot of boys start out dating girls, and maybe even having sex with them or even marrying a girl, but then later realize that their sexual orientation is something different, maybe gay, maybe something in-between. That's kind of what happened after your father passed away and Aunt Lilly was there for me."
Wow. That was huge. I mean, I was vaguely aware that when Aunt Lilly spent the night over, it wasn't just for convenience, but here she was opening up that after Dad died, Mom realized something really different about herself.
"Gender," she went on, "is even more complicated. You grew up as a boy, but now you're telling me -- and I already guessed -- that you're more comfortable somewhere in the direction of being a girl, is that right?"
I could only just nod.
"Well, this is your decision to make, but here's my suggestion. I'd suggest we keep this in the family for now, and you can wear more comfie girlie clothes around the house and maybe sometimes when we go out, and then you can see how you grow into this. How's that sound?"
I was unconsciously nodding to everything she said. "Does this mean I keep wearing Becky's clothes around the house?"
"No," she said, "that wouldn't be fair to Becky, plus nearly all of her clothes are styled for a college girl. You need something more fitting for a 14 year old. She may have a few old things, but you and I need to go shopping."
"How's that going to work?" I asked.
Mom thought for a minute, and said, "I have a couple of ideas, and maybe some friends who can help. You go take a shower and I'll lay out some clothes for you to wear. We've got a busy day ahead!"