Thursday, October 3
This is probably my last diary entry until Sunday. Tomorrow we go to school dressed and packed for the camping trip. Since Mom is one of the chaperones, my pack will stay in her van. Brie's riding with us, and sharing a tent with me, and so we'll pick her and her stuff up in the morning before school.
I'm still recovering from Wednesday night. I got no sleep last night. I spent the whole night dreaming about Carlos and various other carnal things (LOL) and hugging my pillow. I started with the pillow under me, a la Brie's tip about bringing oneself off. (Turns out that works just as well for trans girls as for cis girls. Go figure.). The only way I could go to sleep at all was to hug the pillow on top of me, imagining what it would be like for Carlos laying on me. Of course, I got some practice on the little toy Martha sold me, imagining what it would be like to get to third base with Carlos. Conveniently, the toy was about the same size as the real thing. Sigh....
So about Brie. She was an absolute mess at school today. I'd given her a handy shopping/packing list for the camping trip, and apparently the whole thing was still too foreign for her. Amazingly enough, Brie is usually the strong one, but here we are in unchartered Brie territory. She cornered me before school, and wanted to re-iterate what she was supposed to wear and to pack. "Jeans, right? Rugged, cowboy stuff?"
"Yeah. Flannel. Layers. Kinda like you're at a ski resort, but without the skis. Look, I thought you lesbians liked flannel and denim?"
"Shhhh, bitch. Keep that to yourself. Not everyone here is as open as you."
"Woah! Suddenly I'm the strong one. That changed quickly."
"You're the one who's gone camping."
"With my mom, and a couple of times with the Boy Scouts. Hey, didn't you ever go to summer camp?"
"Yeah, but it was more glamping than camping. Anyway, it was summertime, and we wore shorts and swimsuits all the time. And slept in a cabin. And ate in a dining hall."
"OK. Look, just pack what I told you and you'll be fine. Oh, did you buy new boots?"
"Yeah."
"Walk around in them tonite so they won't be too stiff tomorrow."
By that time, we were at first period, and had to knuckle down with the books. Before we got started, I turned to her and said, "Carlos came over last night."
"WHAT??? When were you going to tell me? You were supposed to lead with that."
"Sorry, Brie, I got distracted by your nervous breakdown."
"Did you two make out?"
"Yeah."
"I want gory details. Everything."
"I'll tell you tomorrow night in the tent. Bring snacks.
"Fuck."
"No, we didn't."
"Grrrr....."
Classes went predictably. Carlos plopped down on our regular sofa at lunch and just smiled. I melted. "Hey, big guy."
He said, "That was fun."
I just giggled. He went on, "when can I see you again?"
"You're seeing me now. Here I am."
"You know what I mean. When can I come over, or when can we go out somewhere?"
"Dunno. No can do until after this camping trip. Maybe again next week? We could make Wednesday a `study date' again."
"Is that what we're calling it now?"
"That's most definitely what we're calling it to my Mom, unless you want to stay home and hold your own tissues."
Now it was his turn to laugh. "Yeah. I gotcha. Next Wednesday. That's cool."
We then just talked about BS for the rest of lunch. He gave me some pointers on the camping trip, how there would be the normal summer-campy type bonding exercises, like a rope course and some confidence building stuff. He told me to carry extra bandaids. I told him my Mom would be there, and she was never far from a first aid kit.
I barely got home that afternoon when my phone went off. (Note for the future: Brie's ring tone on my phone is "I Kissed a Gurl" by Katy P.)
"I got my period."
"Congratulations. I understand that means you're not pregnant."
"Fuck you, Christy. Fuck you. It means I'm going on this camping trip on my period."
"Odds are, if I understand the math, about a fourth of the 20 or so cis-girls on this camping trip will be on their periods. Oh, and here's a good piece of trivia for you. Odds are 100 per cent of the boys will have a hard on sometime during the weekend."
"Quit making fun of me. What should I do?"
"Brie. I am like the world's least qualified expert on periods. Have you called one of the Emmas? How about, God forbid, asking your mom?"
"My mom is fucking clueless about s--t like this. Not about periods, but about camping. Is your Mom there?"
I told her yes, and handed my mother the phone. Mom listened for a minute and broke out in a smile. I could tell she was having trouble restraining a laugh. "Brie, I promise you, this is not the end of the world. You are not the only girl who will be on this camping trip with her period. Do you use a pad or tampons?" Mom nodded. "I'd suggest adding a light-days pad to you undies, just in case. If you don't have any, I'll bring some. Carry extra tampons, and extra undies. Do you use Mydol or anything like that?" Mom nodded again. "Bring some. Now, you'll be in the tent with Christy, and I'll be in a cabin nearby. If anything happens, I'm less than a minute away. You'll be fine, Brie." Mom nodded, "Here, I'm handing the phone back to Christy. We'll see you in the morning."
I got on the phone, and the first thing I heard was, "If I have to change panties in the tent in front of you, our friendship is over."
"Brie. I will step out of the tent if you have a problem. Now, go pack, and we'll see you in the morning."
I headed upstairs to pack, and on the way, said, "Mom, ahhh... I'm still having problems with this play I'm in. Can Carlos come over again next Wednesday and read lines again?"
"Reading lines again? Is that what we're calling it now?" And she laughed a bit.
"OK. Guilty as charged. Can Carlos come over next Wednesday?"
"You like this boy, eh? I'd like to get to know him better. You're just at the beginning of the whole boy-girl thing, and I want to make sure he's not the sort of guy who would take advantage of you."
"You know, emotionally, mentally.... Yes, physically. Even if you weren't transitioning, this is a pivotal time for young girls. Older boys can be a bit more... let's say... advanced. On top of all of that, your hormonal changes and gender discovery can create a mine field. I'd just like to get to know him better, that's all."
"His Mom is big on family dinners, but maybe I can get him to come over for dinner one night next week. Maybe even Wednesday?"
"Sure. That sounds fine. Tell me what he says."
I guess that was all for the best. Eventually, Mom was going to figure out we weren't just practicing lines. Anyway, Carlos was a pretty charming guy, and I was sure he'd impress Mom. That might accelerate us going out on actual dates. Maybe...
Packing didn't take long. I laid out clothes for the weekend, and did my normal evening makeup-removal ritual. The girls in the class -- me included! -- had been advised to leave our makeup kits at home, with the exception of necessitates like moisturizer, chapstick, and the like. My hair, although girly, was shorter than average and I wanted to avoid anything that made me look like a boy. I settled on a ball cap with a whole at the back where my hair could stick out like a pony tail.
Just then, the phone went off again. It was Maddy. (Note to future readers: Maddy's ringtone was `Cash Shit' by Megan Thee Stallion.). "Christy. This is Maddy." (Yeah. Like that's what it says on the phone, sis.). "Have you talked with Brie? Are you sharing a tent with her?"
"Yes, and yes. Why?"
"She called me a few minutes ago all in a panic. Says she's on her period and scared to death to go camping anyway."
"Look, Maddy, I'm no expert on periods. I don't get em, you understand?"
"Oh yeah, right. I forgot."
"Yeah. Anyway, my mom is one of the chaperones and talked with her on the phone a while ago. Told Brie she'd be right there if anything came up. Brie's just freaking out cuz she's never slept in the woods before. Say, who are you tenting with?"
"Randi. A girl in my general math class."
Our school quietly divided the students into two groups. The advanced students, who were usually headed for top tier schools, and the more-or-less general ed kids, who were all varyingly degrees of `average' but none-the-less checked the balances of their trust funds every day. Brie, the Emmas, and I were all in the advanced sections, and Maddy, God love her, would hopefully marry well. Brie and I were buds and everyone figured we'd camp together, and the two Emmas weren't actually that close but hung out together just to fuck with the teachers' heads.
"Yeah, I'm sure Brie is freaking out and calling everyone. Then again, just camping in the woods was enough to send her over the edge. I dunno how this is all gonna go down tomorrow afternoon, but let's all plan to pitch our tents close to one another, maybe facing one another in a circle, so we can help out. Whatcha think?"
"I'm in. I hope the Emmas agree."
"We'll, as long as Eric's not there, Emma-B will probably be easy going, and Emma Red is usually cool."
"K. Well, you know probably have more camping experience than any of us."
"Actually, my so--called `boy scout' days were a disaster, and Mom and I have done some outback stuff, but nothing severe. Of course, this is more like summer camp than anything actually roughing it. I'm positive we'll be fine."
"K. Well. See you tomorrow."
"Tomorrow."
I called the Emmas and they both dittto'd that they'd told Brie to calm the fuck down, which was pretty good advice. I told them my suggestion about the tents in a circle, and about Maddy camping with Randi, and they thought that was a great idea. Emma-red knew Randi and said she was cool. A little on the butch side, but cool. I thought about Brie and silently nodded to myself. Both of them were glad that Maddy didn't feel left out of the sister-wives. Hell, maybe Randi will be a good addition.
I went to bed trying to think about Carlos, but Brie and her period and the camping trip and a thousand other little things kept invading my brain.
G'nite.