Monday, October 7
I will celebrate today as a holiday for the rest of my life.
First, and wildly off the subject, Maddy cornered me as soon as I got out of the car and was almost in tears. She said, "Look, Christy, I'm really, really sorry if I messed up your weekend bringing Randi along. I don't know how to make it up to you."
I was dumbstruck for a moment, and finally gave her a hug and said, "what in the world do you mean, girlfriend?"
"Well, Randi just sorta latched onto Brie, and the two of them sorta paired off for the weekend, but Brie was sorta your tent mate, and your best friend, and if I'd known Randi was going to suck up all of her time..."
Wow. A record for `sortas'.
"Ok, sister Maddy, calm down, girl. First, all of you are my friends, you know. that, right? I was just happy to be around everyone. Second, Randi is now our new friend, and I'm just glad Brie could make her feel welcomed in a special way. Finally, I felt wonderfully accepted and.... Well... with friends... all weekend long. You girls are the best I could ever ask for, and now Randi is our friend, too, and we're gonna do whatever we can to make her feel one of us, OK?"
"OK, but I was so worried that you were mad at me."
"Maddy, my love, I could never be mad at my sister-wife."
She chucked a bit as we walked slowly to class, and then finally she said, "You know, I'm pretty sure Randi is gay."
"Really, Maddy. What makes you say that?"
"Also, all she could do was talk about Brie, and I'm sure Randi is sweet on Brie, and I'd hate for Brie to find out and reject her and break Randi's heart."
Oh, my poor, sweet, dumb Maddy. What do I say to you? "Look, Maddy, I'm sure Brie will handle this just fine. Brie's just happy to have a new friend and make Randi feel welcomed here at school. I wouldn't be surprised if the two of them start pal'ing around, cuz frankly with my transition, and seeing doctors and getting blood tests and all that, and seeing Carlos, I'm not taking up as much of Brie's time as I used to. I'm sure Brie and Randi are going to get along just fine."
"Oh, I hope so."
"Yeah, I think they're gonna be just fine."
I got into Potions class (er.... Algebra) and had about a minute to tell Brie the story. I thought she was going to crack a rib laughing. I told her, "So look, if Maddy catches you and Randi swapping spit under the bleachers at lunch, just tell her you're trying to make Randi feel `welcomed', OK?" Brie was trying to down the last of her coffee and put away her travel mug before class started, but she could barely swallow thru her laughter.
Lunch with Carlos was wonderful, as usual. He said he'd told his parents he was coming over to have dinner with me on Wednesday, and they were cool about it. His parents are really strong on having family dinner on week nights, so this was great. Maybe Mom will let me go out on weekends with him, or at least he can come over on weekends. I told him I couldn't wait to resume our pitching-and--catching practice.
But the high point of the day - and I never thought I'd say this - was my visit to Dr. Strange. He started out with me alone in his office, and we talked for about 30 minutes about stuff'. I told him all about the camping trip and he seemed to be pleased that all of my friends continued accepting me fully as a girl, even to the point of sleeping in the girls' tent surrounded by my sister wives. I told him about Carlos, but carefully left out the parts about baseball practice. I just told him we'd kissed again and that Carlos was coming over for dinner on Wednesday. He just nodded to all of that.
He then asked me some very personal questions. Did I continue to be comfortable in girls clothes, and particularly girls underwear? (Yes, and I can't imagine going back to `boy stuff'). What size bra are you wearing? (34-A, but with gel inserts. My chest is only slightly bigger than a normal boy's.)
I broke in to the stream of questions and said, "Look, I'm a flat-chested boy, I get that. And a fairly skinny one to boot. But, I have notice that my chest is, well, a little.... `puffier' than most boys, if that makes sense."
"It does. It does. Based on your blood work, that's to be expected. I'll talk about it a little more when your mother comes in."
He asked about whether or not I was getting any onset of male puberty, and I told him no. He then asked if I ever achieved an erection. I told him sometimes, but rarely, like only about once a week or so. He asked if I had any other discomfort in my new female role, and I told him that even though I'd only been out' for a few weeks, it felt all together natural for me, and I couldn't imagine my life if I was still in boy mode'.
He then said, "Christy, there is every reason to believe that the hormones you're on and are about to start on will inhibit your ability to produce semen." I told him I was fine with that, but he went on, "There may come a time down the road when you'd like to be the biological parent of a child."
"Dr. Preston, I cannot imagine right now that there would come a time when I'd want to be the sperm donor for a child. I'm sure that if I ever end up in a relationship, or get married, it would be with a man, and he can donate to his hearts content."
"You say that now, Christy, but who knows how you will feel in 10 or 20 years. For example, many gay couples who want to father a child with a surrogate will both contribute sperm so that they do not know which of the two is actually the biological father. You should keep your options open. I would suggest in our next visit, you plan to donate some sperm, and that way it can be frozen and preserved for you if you ever change your mind."
"Wait, I haven't gone thru puberty yet, and hope I don't. How can I donate sperm?"
"Well, if you achieve an erection, and masturbate, even a small amount of ejaculate will contain enough sperm for us to harvest for you."
This all sounded like too much boy stuff' for me to handle. I didn't mind jerking Carlos off, in fact I enjoyed it, but my own manhandling' was a bit much for me to think about."
"Just consider it, and we'll talk more next week. However, your blood test suggests there would be some sperm in there to be harvested, but the window for doing that may close soon."
He then picked up his phone and called for his receptionist to bring Mom in. When she got there, he got right to business. "Ms. Dancer, your daughter's test results are in. First, the puberty blockers seem to be doing marvelously, just as expected, and in fact much quicker than we'd normally anticipate. Second, though, as you know, every male produces a certain level of estrogen, called estradiol and estrone. It is converted from excess testosterone in his body by certain enzymes called Aromatase. The conversion rate varies from man to man, and if there is a lot of Aromatase in his body, he will produce a lot of estrogen naturally, much less free testosterone, and will take on female physical characteristics, such as a puffy chest, wider hips, little or no facial hair, and fatty deposits similar to what a woman develops. Christy here has exactly that. If we just left her on puberty blockers, any testosterone in her system would be converted, and while she'd never look like a post-pubescent boy, she'd never actually take on the full physical characteristics of a girl, either."
I was taking all of this in.
He went on, "Now, normally the protocol would be to maintain Christy on puberty blockers for quite some time, more or less to shut down the testosterone production in her system. However, in her case, and she isn't totally unique here, the testosterone in her system is already largely being converted to estrogen. Hence, the puberty blockers are actually doing the opposite of what we would want. In her case, I'm recommending that we go ahead and put her on estrogen immediately. Now, because of her current hormonal state, adding estrogen to her load will really jump-start female puberty. Normally, in an adolescent, adding estrogen might result in, say, breast growth starting in a couple or a few months, and some noticeable breast development in six to twelve months. In cases like her's, though, she is already starting to `bud' due to the estrogen her body is naturally producing. In cases like hers, though, patients develop female characteristics so rapidly it is almost like they are pregnant. Of course, we will start her off with a lower dose, and then ramp her up after a month or so.
I started to zone out, and he continued by telling mom what he'd told me about saving some sperm for a rainy day, but all I could hear was estrogen' and female characteristics'. Mom just nodded, and he said he would phone in our prescription to our local pharmacy today. I'd be on estrogen by bedtime! Tonite!
All the way home I had visions of actually wearing a bra without gel inserts. I was in a daze all day, and really can't remember how I did my homework.
Now, I'm getting ready for bed. I plan to dream about Carlos reaching up under MY t-shirt, like I did his, and finding actual, real boobs!