Sunday, November 3
OK, I'm settling down to trying to do this weekly. I'm not sure this is going to work, but what the heck. Both of my therapists want me to do this journal/diary/whatever you call it, but trying to do something every day is just not working. Maybe weekly? Maybe that'll keep them happy?
I dunno if anything will keep `em happy. No one asks if I'm happy...
Sigh... anyway...
Monday. Carlos was as sweet as ever. Does he really like me or am I just a handy blowjob? I don't fucking know, and I'm not sure I fucking care. He commented about how much he enjoyed Saturday, and I asked him if we could do it again. He just nodded, and we went on to practicing the play.
Doc Strange said he wanted to kick back to seeing me every other week, which was a real relief cuz we were absolutely running out of things to talk about. He was impressed with my tiny boobage growth, and had me pee in a cup for some reason.
Tuesday was back to being test day. Sucks, and not in a good way. After school, Maddy cornered me again. Apparently she's still worried about the whole jumping sperm thingie. I again had to talk her down, and she wanted to know what I meant about `mouth stuff'. Sigh.... This girl has made it all the way to the 9th grade and hasn't heard about oral sex yet. We sat on a bench for about 5 minutes and I gave her the most basic primer I possibly could. I explained about how guys could use their fingers and mouths and whatever to help a girl celebrate her womanhood, and conversely, a girl could use her hands and mouth the same way. In fact, girls can do that to other girls, and boys to boys.
Maddy was totally lost. I was simply amazed that she was a 9th grader and seemed to have the sexual awareness of a toddler. She finally said, "Are you trying to tell me that women - girls - can `cum' just like boys? I mean, squirting and everything?"
"No, no, no, Maddy, there's no squirting involved with a girl having an orgasm. It's a different experience, but similar. But look, I'm like the wrong person to ask about that, cuz well, you know I still have the wrong plumbing down there. Sure, I'm kinda an expert on this stuff cuz of all of my own issues. Maybe we can get Brie involved. She knows w--a--a-a-a-y more about girls stuff than I do. What about lunch tomorrow? I'll call Brie and blow off drama tomorrow for this, OK?"
Maddy, sweet Maddy, just nodded. Keeping her from becoming the first girl in our class to get knocked up was a worthwhile goal right now. And where the fuck was her mother in all of this?
Brie had already left school, so I called her as soon as I got home. "Brie, my love, what are you doing for lunch tomorrow?"
"Oh, a few of us thought we'd meet at the club, darling. Perhaps some champagne and a light salad, then retire to my place for an afternoon orgy. Why? What did you have in mind?"
"It's Maddy. I've suddenly become her sex therapist, and she's in desperate need of womankind 101. I mean, I don't think the girl even knows what an orgasm is."
There was at least a minute of dead silence on the phone. "And....?"
"It all came up because apparently our little Maddy has discovered the art of giving a boy a handjob, and now she's worried she can become preggars. So I tried to explain oral sex to her, and... well...."
"I thought you were heaven's gift to oral sex, Christy?"
"Yeah, in one direction, but not in the other, if you know what I mean. I tried to explain how a boy - or a girl for that matter - could bring off a girl and, well, the whole concept of a female orgasm was like something she'd never heard of before."
"Oh come on. You're trying to kid your old Aunt Brea here. Every girl grows up finding out just how wonderful it can feel to snuggle a big, firm pillow in bed at night. Surely you jest."
"I jest-eth not, Brie, and my name's not Shirley."
"OK, I gotta call Randi and break off our daily date. Meet you in the commons for lunch. It might be helpful if one of us brings a banana."
"Oh, shut you dirty minded wench."
So I called Carlos and told him to cover for me at drama club, which was no big deal cuz the focus was on all the kids who didn't have their lines memorized, and I was down pat with mine. I called Maddy and reminded her that the three of us were eating lunch together cuz, well, Maddy is thoroughly capable of forgetting. I made a note to remind her again in the morning.
Bedtime and I decided to practice with the pillow trick. While I didn't have all the right plumbing, I did have my little toy to suck on and I cold close my eyes and dream of Carlos. I took the precaution of packing some tissues around my vital areas to catch any leakage, of which there was a little. An enjoyable little, I might add.
On Wednesday Brie and I cornered Maddy at lunch and found a remote table. Brie lit right into Maddy, and asked the critical question about whether or not her mom had ever explained the birds and bees to her. Maddy shook her head, and said they had a just say no' class at her church, with the boys and girls broken out into separate groups. The woman who talked with the girls was the preacher's wife, and she was very visibly nervous about the topic. She mentioned sperm and eggs, but wasn't completely clear about how the two met up. She repeated several times that girls must simply say no to any kind of sexual Congress' (as she called it) until marriage, and then their husbands would explain it all to them. Anyway, sex was mainly about making babies, so girls didn't need to give it much thought until then.
Brie and I just looked at each other in... well... shock and awe.
Brie finally said, "mastrbation?"
Maddy just shook her head.
"OK," Brie started, "we're going to start slowly. Today's lesson is about self--pleasure and the female orgasm." She turned to me and said, "Christy, you can follow along for future reference." I just nodded.
"Now, I'm going to take out a piece of paper and draw a very rough sketch of a worm's eye view of a naked Maddy." With that, she drew a quite lifelike pencil sketch of a labia, with a nice little clit in what I assume to be its proper place.
Maddy was massively curios. "I've never seen it quite like that."
Brie asked, "Didn't your doctor have a talk with you about this when you got your first period?
Maddy just shook her head. "No, my pediatrician is one of my parents friends from church, and he doesn't talk with me about sex stuff."
"You still go to a pediatrician?" Maddy asked, somewhat amazed.
Maddy just nodded.
Brie and I both just sighed. After a moment's pause, Brie said, "Maddy, I'm going to give you some homework. At night, when you're laying in your bed, all alone, do you ever think about boys?"
Maddy nodded again.
"Do you ever notice yourself getting wet and a little swollen `down there'?"
Maddy nodded again.
"Did your preacher's wife ever mention that to you and the other girls, how that might happen?"
Maddy shook her head.
Brie turned to me and mumbled, "I'll bet it never happened to her."
I spoke up and asked, "Did your preacher's wife mention anything about wearing red robes and hoods? Did the word `Stepford' ever come up?"
Maddy said, "Huh" and shook her head no.
I said, "Yeah, don't pay me any mind."
Brie then said, "Maddy, your homework for tonite is to focus your thoughts on the most attractive, sexiest guy you know, someone you'd really like to be with. Think about him before you go to bed. If you have any pictures or videos of him, study them intently. Now, when you go to bed, take two pillows....."
Brie proceeded to explain how a girl (or a girl with guy's plumbing, for that matter) could get herself off that way. Then she said, "next lesson, we're going to incorporate the fingers. Maddy, be sure to tell me tomorrow how this turns out."
Maddy just nodded like Brie had given her a math problem for homework. I couldn't wait to see the results.
Thursday morning, I was out front of the school when Maddy's mom dropped her off. Maddy had the strangest smile on her face, not like anything I'd ever seen. I went to ask her how her homework assignment turned out. She just smiled and said, "Warm. Really, really warm. Like nothing I'd ever felt before. It started warm down in my... you know... area... and then spread all over my body like nothing I'd ever felt before. But, I could tell it could go even deeper, like if I concentrated more, there was more there. Like I was just dipping my toe in the shallow end of a very warm pool of water."
Wow... I'm positive I've never heard Maddy think so deeply before. Had we unlocked a secret poet?
Anyway, I rushed to class and rushed thru school. Thursday afternoon was my date with Ms. Weasley and then we had the Halloween carnival at 6, which meant I needed to be dressed and back here by 5. I was positive my diet today would consist mainly of Halloween candy.
After school, Ms. Weasley invited me into her "room" (office??) and I plopped down on a big fluffy thing that was kind of a cross between a chair and a beanbag. We started idle chit-chat, and she asked me about my `boyfriend'. I caught my breath, and gave her the complete run--down, including the golf club, the tennis lesson, the spanking, and the aftermath of the spanking.
Ms. Weasley didn't take any notes, but just nodded thru the story like she'd heard it all before. After I talked for an immeasurably long time, she finally broke in and said, "Nothing you've said surprises me, and if anything, you're probably on the conservative side."
I was kinda floored by that. I was expecting her to read me the riot act for becoming the town whore. "I worry that maybe I'm overdoing it."
She said, "Well, in a way, you are. Your friends have been girls for 14 or 15 years, but you've only been out for a few months. It's absolutely not surprising that you want to experience as much `girl' things as you can as quickly as you can. Sure, you need to slow down a bit, take your time, and don't wear yourself out."
"But what about Carlos? Don't I risk losing him?"
"You're eventually going to lose him anyway. He's two years older than yo, and darned few 9th grade romances make it to senior year. However, if you're as talented as you say you are, he's not going to wander off very quickly. Be patient."
I then told her about Maddy, and how Brie and I were trying to counsel her. She said, "You are really good friends. Look, I'm not a proponent of promiscuity, but teens will be teens. I can't tell you how many screwed up people have sat in that chair because of chastity lessons got in church when they were teens."
So... it IS a chair. Huh...
"I'm sure you two are giving her good advice, and you're being good friends to your adopted sister, Maddy. I like the fact that you're starting her off with masturbation. Again, you have no idea how many screwed up people have archaic guilt ideas about what should be a simple pleasure. You masturbate, right?"
I nodded, and without going into too much detail, told her about my pillows and tissues... and yeah, maybe that was a lot of detail.
"Well, I understand you and your friends are dressing up as a bunch of kittens tonite and handing out candy, right?"
"Yeah, and glow-in-the--dark kitten ears."
"Well, that sounds innocent and sexy all at that same time. How do you feel about your costume?"
"I think I kinda look like all the other girls. Brie is a bit bustier, and I'm about as skinny as Maddy, so with just the right padding, I fit in just fine."
"Well good. Keep me posted, and we'll talk again in two weeks."
Before I cold get up to leave, she said, "Oh, and one more thing... If you had a vagina, you'd be very tempted to let Carlos get to home plate. But, you don't, and the next step for pre-op trans girls is often anal. I don't want you going there yet. I'm sure you're going to want to, and he's going to want you to, but get comfortable with what you're doing now. We'll talk about the next steps at or next get together, OK?"
I just nodded. In some ways I was disappointed, but the idea of anal with Carlos was a little frightening. It was a big step, and I wanted to do it, but I wanted to be right for him, and not mess up. I figured before I did it, I was going to get Ms. Weasley's advice.
Thursday afternoon quickly became Thursday night, and the night passed quickly with me painting cats whiskers on little girls and plopping glow-in-the-dark ears on them. I don't know what the other booths did, money-wise, but we were raiding a LOT of money. The mothers seemed to be very impressed with the glow--in-the--dark thingies.
Friday passed with no fan--fare, and Carlos came over Saturday to watch another movie. Until he got his permanent drivers license, our social life was fairly limited. Mom left us alone, heading over to Lilly's house again. Carlos and I didn't make a really big sex scene in the basement like before. We cuddled a lot, and my hand wandered down to his crotch. We started kissing, and before long I was leaning over into his crotch and planting gentle kisses on his cock. It was less a blow--job and more of a handjob, but when I felt him start to stiffen hard, I put my mouth firmly around his cock and drained him dry. I'd learned that he liked me to keep my mouth on him until he went soft, and then we straightened up and just cuddled in front of the TV for the rest of the evening.
And that brings me to Sunday, the most boring day of the week. Mom was home when I got up, and we talked a bit about Thanksgiving, which was only a few weeks away. Becca would be home then, and our general plan was to celebrate with Lilly and Jason over here. Last year, Jason and I were outnumbered by women 3 to 2. This year, he would be outnumbered 4 to 1.