This story is about a young man's quest to fix a major birth defect--he was born without a penis. On his quest he meets his soul mate and many other soon to be friends.
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Chapter 7--The Interview
"Are you ready for this?" asked Tom as he and Chris climbed the stairs to Stu's second floor office. So far, Chris has not been impressed. The office building was brick with a woman's boutique on the first floor selling overpriced trendy clothes. The display windows tried to be edgy but ended up just being creepy. While the place had an elevator, Tom insisted that the stairs were far faster. The stairwell had a musty smell of poor air circulation and yesterday's booze. Tom noticed Chris glance around and frown. "I know that the building is not a high-rise downtown, but Stu is the best agent. He has been good for me." Chris face twitched as someone somewhere opened a door on the stairwell allowing a pungent draft of air to break the stale still air. "Now just be yourself. He will ask questions, probably have pictures taken: head shots, poses with various props and clothes, and maybe without cloths." Chris gave Tom a startled look. "You do not need to do anything you feel uncomfortable about."
"OK," Chris said quietly realizing that Tom was more nervous than he was. "I trust you." A tentative smile crossed Chris's face. If nothing else, this was an adventure. Tom opened the stairwell door onto a softly light hallway and a floral carpet that was one day past a good cleaning. Almost immediately on the right was a door with a plague, "Corbett & Steinholtz: Agents". "Is Stu's last name Corbett or Steinholtz," asked Chris.
Tom blinked at the question. "Neither. This agency has been in business for over a hundred years. That's the names of the original founders. It is sort of a seal of quality now. They represented more vaudevillians than models back in the day. Once vaudeville died they switched direction in the forties." Tom opened the door and motioned Chris in. Chris thought he just walked into a Scan Design showroom: teak desks and cabinets, chairs on thin tapered legs, a sectional sofa with a wheat-colored knobby upholstery. Dated, like the building, thought Chris. Definitely not what Chris expected from an agency that Tom thought only catered to exclusive clientele.
"Oh Tom, it is so lovely to see you. It has been ages." A very short woman in her mid-forties, with a little too much makeup, and dyed burnt orange hair raised her head from the computer at the desk in the room. Her smile was warm and genuine. "It has been far too long since you been to see me."
"Stu has been doing a great job for me, so I am very busy." Tom walked over dragging Chris behind and kissed the woman on the wrist. She smiled at Tom like the kiss was expected.
"Now let me look at you." Her keen eyes raked over Tom like a laser scan. "Put on a little weight, good. Face is leaner, more mature, not so twinky, good. You are turning into a proper man." She then looked at Chris and smiled.
"Oh," said Tom, realizing that he had not introduced Chris. "This is Chris, we have an appointment with Stu." Tom guided Chris up next to him. "Chris, this is Helga. The real success behind Stu. She keeps everything running." Helga smiled at Tom with affection. "We have an appointment with Stu." Tom repeated.
"Chris, it is a pleasure to meet you." Helga smiled. Kind but appraising.
"The pleasure is mine ma'am."
"That just won't do." Chris looked alarmed. "No one ever ma'ams me here. My name is Helga and you will use it." She smiled broadly at Chris, white teeth behind the red, red lips.
"My pleasure Helga." Chris smiled back
"That is much better." She noticed Tom holding Chris's hand. "I must say that Chris is a definite improvement over some of the trash you have brought by." She gave a smile to Chris. "Usually, Chris," Helga moved her head closer to Chris. "Tom's choice in men is suspect to good taste and good sense." She gave a disapproving look at Tom. Turning back to Chris, "Tom has been known to attract sleaze balls and gutter trash. Not everyone in this business is respectable." She sighed as disappointed. "Great looks, low morals, no discipline. They flame out. It is so sad." She paused and shook her head. "So sad. So, what brings you to town, Tom?"
"Doing some work for Macy's. Met Chris. Went to Chaz's party with Cedrick."
"How is Cheddy doing,"
"Don't ever let him hear you calling him that, but he and Ariel are fine. The kids are growing, but that is what kids do. It has been nice spending some time with them."
Helga turned to Chris. "You went with Tom to Chaz's? How did that go? You know he has wanted to fuck Tom for a while now."
Stunned by Helga's blunt comment, Chris paused and then laughed lightly. "I like Chaz. He is a little over the top, but most of that is persona. Underneath is a person I like."
Tom laughed, "Yes, they became damn chummy after Chris put Chaz in an armlock." Helga's eyebrows quirked up, so Tom told the story about how Chaz tried to grope Chris.
Helga's laugh was both delicate and solid. It came from a secure place without pretense. "My, my, Chris. I am impressed. You got moxie. You need that and big balls." Helga glanced at Chris's crotch. Chris blushed. "Of course, I mean that metaphorically. Because I've got the biggest balls around." She smiled at Chris. He returned an uncertain laugh. "You have an appointment with Stu. You want to get into the business." She asked Chris.
"I'm not certain. I am looking at options, and right now my options are limited. But I am open minded."
"Good answer. Too many young men come through here dreaming of the travel, the drugs, the sex, oblivious that this is a job." She looked at Chris and then Tom. "Obviously there is the sex." Chris blushed. Helga smiled at both of them "I don't knock the sex if it comes from respect. No to the drugs."
"No drugs," Chris quickly replied, "well maybe the social drink, mostly wine." Chris added. "But definitely not hard drugs. I am trying to find myself, not escape myself. Drugs hide who you are. I am still discovering who I am."
"Have you been around hard drug users?" Helga asked. "It is an unfortunate fact of this business that we have a serious problem. But you cannot dictate other people's lives."
"Yes, I know cocaine, meth and heroin users. I have been around too many lives that need the drugs to feel anything." Chris flashed back to some of the homeless he called fellow lost souls.
Helga did not say anything for a bit. "Stu is still on the phone with Milan firming up talent for their fashion week. Tom why don't you have a seat. Chris, pull up a chair beside me. It seems you and Tom have a budding romance, and you need to go in with your eyes wide open about what a slut Tom is."
"Was," interjected Tom.
"Even more reason for me to enlighten Chris."
"I have a past too," Chris shot back trying to protect Tom's reputation.
"We all do, honey," Helga cooed to Chris. "But I am sure that you have already been honest with Tom about it. What do you know about him?" Chris pulled a chair close to Helga's desk.
Tom squirmed on the chair trying to act nonchalant reading a magazine, maybe Vogue, he was not sure. He had not felt so outside and conspicuous since the onset of puberty and his voice cracked in every sentence. That was a very awkward year. It took every ounce of self-control not to rush up to Helga and Chris and demand that they not talk about him behind his back in front of him. He felt so insecure as Helga and Chris whispered, occasionally laughed, and then both would look at him. Finally, after what seemed hours, Tom heard Stu. "Tom, my boy, so good to see you. Where is the young man you want me to represent?"
Tom pointed to Chris beside Helga. "He is conspiring against me with Helga." Chris rose and returned the chair to its rightful place.
"Caught you and Helga canoodling?"
"Yes, sir," Chris glanced at Helga, "she is most informative and formidable. Her memory for details is astounding. I would never want to be on her bad side."
"Smart lad," Stu put an arm on Chris's shoulder, "shall we go back to my office?" Stu, like a sheep dog, guided Chris through a door while Tom trailed behind.
He stopped at Helga's desk, "I hope you have not destroyed things between us." Tom's voice was plaintive not angry. "He is very special to me, and I want to grow old with him."
Helga gave Tom a bright smile. "You know he is too good for you, and I mean that in every sense of the word." Tom nodded. "But he is smitten with you. With you and not the life you live."
"I know," Tom quietly replied, "and it scares me. He is so innocent and fragile."
Helga huffed out, "He is neither innocent nor fragile. He is one of the strongest and clear-headed men I have met in a very long time. So never treat him as innocent or fragile. You will lose him."
"Yes, your right." Tom sighed, "What do I do?"
"Nothing, my dear," Helga smiled with compassion, "just be you and love him. Share your thoughts and fears and love. He will be happy."
"You coming Tom." Stu voice carried into the lobby.
"Coming," yelled Tom back. "Thanks Helga, you are good at putting things into order."
"You are good for each other. But it will not be easy. Then the best relationships are never easy. Now give me a kiss and follow your man."
Tom kissed Helga on the forehead and mouthed a "thank you" as he disappeared through the door Stu and Chris entered. Helga settled back at her desk and started entering invoices into the computer. Young love, she thought, copper penny new. Oh, so new. She smiled and entered the invoice for paper supplies.
Tom quickly went to Stu's office, a large room that was an exercise in walnut--walnut wainscot above walnut floors, walnut bookshelves carved with foliage, all centered on Stu's massive walnut desk cluttered with folders, papers, and photos. All the dark wood was lightened by the pale-yellow chairs and sofa. And a large Alexander Calder rug, which Stu commissioned from the artist in the 70s. No photos of his clients lined the wall of his office, those were only in the hallway. The art in the office was abstract expressionism: Rothko, Pousette-Dart, Still, Kline, and Gorky. Each time Tom visited, some of the pieces changed as Stu rotated works from his home. Tom saw Chris sitting on the sofa with Stu in a chair facing him at an interview angle. Chris patted the sofa next to him and Tom joined Chris.
Stu smiled up at Tom, "I was just telling your friend, Chris, about the rigors of male modeling: the long hours, uncomfortable positions, frigid rooms, and of course the sexual advances. It is just as prevalent for male models as female." Stu sighed and shook his head in disgust. "Just because you are very attractive, almost naked, some assume that you are available." Stu looked at Tom. "Right?"
Tom nodded. "You are honey and some like to lick." Tom offered.
Stu continued, "If someone gets too aggressive, I give permission to slug the bastard."
"I think I can handle myself," Chris smiled at Tom, and Tom nodded agreement to Stu.
Stu looked at Chris with a critical eye. "Despite what I said, you still want to be a model?"
Chris shrugged, "I am not sure. Tom thinks I would be good at it, and I trust his opinion. I am still young so I am not sure that modeling will be a lifetime career. But right now, I have no other prospects." Chris smiled at the understatement. "However, modeling is a start and it can open doors for when I decide what I want to do."
Tom smiled at Chris, "Stu's horror stories did not scare you?"
Chris frowned, "They are little compared to some of my stories." A cloud of memories darkened Chris's face, "but I am ready for a change, in many ways." Chris sought out Tom's hand and patted it.
"Good, very good," Stu appraised Chris. "No illusions, sad in someone so young, but healthy in this business which is about illusions." Stu paused and lost focus. Taking in a deep breath and exhaling slowly. "Right, let's see what you can do? First we will take some still pictures to see if the camera likes you. Then some short videos of movement. Gorky is available along with Miriam" Stu said looking at Tom.
"Gorky is the photographer and Miriam is wardrobe." Tom explained to Chris, who nodded.
"Miriam is a genius at selecting clothing that fits your body and coloring. We will do a tux, suits, jeans, underwear and a couple of nude shots." Chris tensed at the last and looked to Tom in panic. "Don't worry Chris, the nude shots will be tasteful. And I understand that you are in transition and wear a prosthetic. Gorky will work around that. We are very familiar with trans people and not bigots like many others. I have two men in my stable that are in transition now." Chris looked carefully at Stu and decided to trust him, for now. "Good, I would never do anything to hurt you....You are my investment." Stu chuckled and Chris relaxed. "Tom, you know where Gorky is, so show Chris the way." Stu rose, and then Tom and Chris. "Chris, if you could wait with Helga, I need to talk to Tom in private for a bit." Chris froze. "About a project coming up that he might be interested in." Chris nodded and left.
"Yes?" asked Tom. "What project" and once Chris was out of earshot, "What about Chris. I know from your look that you are interested but have questions."
"Chris does have the looks and an edgy innocence that would make him successful. But I am concerned more about his emotional health. What do you know about him?"
"Very little," Tom said, realizing that it was very true. "I met him a few nights ago when he tried to pick me up outside of Macy's. As you can see he is undernourished." Stu nodded. "I took him to a small diner to at least give him a good meal. I know he has lived on the streets for the last few of years after his father threw him out of the house, in December with nothing but his clothes he was wearing when he said he wanted to become a male."
"Fucking shit asshole of a parent!" Stu swore.
Tom silently agreed. "There is something about Chris, the person, not the baggage, that I am starting to fall in love with. I don't know why; I feel grounded around him."
"Did he trick on the street?"
"Yes, some. He claims he was very cautious. He seems to have a knack for reading people and intentions. And no, he has not been tests. And yes, we are very safe."
"Drugs?"
"He abhors them. He saw too many druggies on the street."
"How did he survive."
"Two men on the street took him under their wings. Really protected him and made him a family. He had me meet them yesterday because he was worried that they would worry about him since he had not been back to the roost. Very nice guys. One is richer than you but chooses to live on the streets. He is very protective of Chris and grilled me on my intentions like a doting father."
Stu chuckled, "That answers some of my questions. How did he survive. I mean survive without being hostile or defensive or...you know what I mean."
"He is very centered, kind, thoughtful, and not warped or corrupted by life." Tom paused stymied by Chris. "I do not know, but he is a truly good person."
"Amazing," Stu looked at Tom with concern and caution. "I know this may be inappropriate but could your feelings for Chris be more of pity than budding love?"
Tom did not immediately answer because he was not sure of the answer. "The meal was definitely pity, but as I got to know him, I found that he did not need or want pity. Right now, I think Chris is fragile because for the last three days he has traveled in my world. He's met my cousin Cedrick and his wife Ariel, they really like him. He went to Chaz's party and put Chaz in his place, as you know. We've eaten at the Ritz. It is a very different world from the streets. He is afraid, with legitimate reason, that I might toss him to the curb when I return to New York."
"Will you?" ask Stu not wanting to picture Chris back on the street.
"Never," Tom said with conviction, "but I am not sure that he believes it. That is why I am trying to get Chris into modeling. It is a start. It is off the street. It gives him some stability." Stu's eyes said modeling is not that secure. "And more important, it can keep him close to me. I think I love him."
"What three days and you think you love him." Tom sheepishly nodded. "You know I will not contract Chris because you think you love him. This is a business not a dating service." Tom nodded agreement. "But when I saw him at Chaz's party, I saw potential and so agreed to meet today. Talking with Chris, he has potential. And Helga agrees. We will see what Gorky and Miriam say."
"Remember, this is the business we needed to discuss."
"Yes, but also I was talking to Milan this morning, and they need models for Fashion Week in September or October. I would like you to go and, if Chris passes the photo shoots, I would like him to go too. Milan will adore him."
"Wow, that is amazing."
"That gives us, I mean you, Tom, a few months to train him. Milan is where only the big boys play, and he has to be a big boy by then."
"I am honored and grateful for the Milan gig. I will do my very best with Chris."
"Just don't let your cock cloud your mind."
"Never"
"You are young and therefore always horny, just keep it under control." Stu grabbed Tom by the shoulder and pulled him into a side hug. "Now go take your protege and introduce him to Gorky and then to Miriam for wardrobe."
"Yes, sir. And thank you."
"No thanks, yet. This is business, and he is not contracted. So off." Stu watched Tom walk down the hall. Whatever Chris has done to you my boy, it is good. I just hope you do not get hurt. Both of you.
Tom met Chris in the lobby where he was laughing with Helga. Tom pulled Chris reluctantly away and took him up to the third floor. The third floor was designed as a loft with partitions. At the far end of the largest area was a tall thin man dressed in tight black jeans and black T-shirt. Chris assumed it was Gorky because he had a camera and was taking pictures of a boy of about 12 wearing designer jeans and a graphic T-shirt. Gorky turned and waved briskly, returning to the subject of his camera. After a few minutes he waved the young lad toward a woman that Chris assumed was the boy's mother. Tom and Chris walked toward Gorky, who met them part way. "Tom, you old sod, it's been a long time dude." Gorky smiled, giving time a critical appraisal. "You are looking different." He motioned for Tom to turn 360. "Yeah, dude, you're different. The face is more angled, more mature, older." Tom frowned and pulled up on the sides of his face with the palms of his hands. "Older in a good way. No face lift yet dude." Gorky put a forefinger and thumb to his lips in thought. "I need to do some new head shots. How long you in town for?"
"Until Thursday." Tom replied.
"I'm pretty booked this week, but I might have time this morning if you can. My schedule is already fucked up. Stu has me shooting a new kid. I suspect it is just a favor for some rich bitch who thinks her son is the next Marky MSrk. Stu has no fucking idea how his demands..." Chris shifted uncomfortably. Gorky suddenly noticed Chris and stopped. "Oh, sorry dude. You're the new kid?" Chris nodded. Gorky did not blush at his comments; Chris did.
"Gorky, this is Chris." Tom said glazing over the awkwardness. "I brought him to meet with Stu this morning and he wants to see if he is friends with the camera and then offer a contract."
"Gotcha dude." Gorky looked Chris up and down like he was selecting a Christmas tree. He spun Chris around and then grabbed his chin turning the face up, down, left, right. "Hmm, good bones, good color, androgynous. You a tran?" It was more of a statement than a question.
"Yes, sir," Chris answered head down and defensive.
"You going to transition or are you going to stay?"
"Transition, sir. I start hormone therapy next week."
"The trannie look is very hot right now, but you need to do the best for you dude." Gorky stopped and looked at Chris again. "Male to female?"
"No, sir, female to male." Gorky stroked his chin at that.
"Look dude, first stop calling me sir. I'm Gorky. Second, I take pictures and am not a preacher, so if you are so unhappy with the body you have, change it. Better reason than most of the plastic surgery jobs that come through here."
"Thank you Gorky. I appreciate you not judging. I've met many people who would rather just shoot me."
"Hey dude, I do shoot people." He gave a light smile. "With a camera. In this business, you learn quickly not to judge people by how they look. I know that is a strange statement for a modeling agency and a model photographer. But a great model photographer, and I am great, captures the person. It is the person that sells the clothes or the toilet paper."
Tom broke in, "Stu wanted Chris to see Miriam and do some fashion shots."
"I know what Stu wants, dude, but I want to take some more natural shots first." He turned to Chris, "Have you ever done a photo shoot?" Chris shook his head no. "That's OK, Just be yourself, relax and have fun."
"I'm too nervous to relax."
"Don't worry; you are in the hands of an expert." Chris smiled at Gorky and took a deep breath. Tom pulled Chris into a supportive hug, which Gorky noticed. "Tom, if you could take Chris to the white screen and have him stand facing front while I adjust the lights." The Gorky produced a broad smile that showed one gold tooth. "Whisper endearments in his ear to relax him."
Tom did a small laugh, "That obvious?"
"Hey, dude, an atomic bomb at night." Gorky adjusted the flash heads while Tom positioned Chris about three feet in front of the white screen. As Gorky continued adjusting lights, he spoke to Chris. "I need to adjust the lighting so it highlights your assets and eliminates unnecessary shadows." Gorky took up his position behind a camera on a tripod. "Now Chris just look at me." Chris smiled his best holiday smile. "No, Chris, no smile until i say, OK dude." Chris nodded. "On three. One, Two" Tom smiled; Chris struggled not to smile back. "Three." Suddenly, Chris was blinded by a series of flashes. "Sorry, dude, should've warned you about the flash. Now turn your head to the left and very slowly turn your head to the right." The flashes started and Chris started to turn his head. "No, no, dude, slowly--very slow motion, like sucking Tom's dick." Chris blushed against several flashes. "Got your blush. That alone will sell copy."
"That was a cheap shot. I don't like my sex life trivialized for a photo." Chris was red with anger. More flashes.
"Hey dude, true embarrassment is hard to fake. Consider it as the price of art. Now back to plan. Head to left and very slow." Chris did that a few more times; then right to left up and down, until he felt the muscles in his neck stiffen. "Very good start. Let's take a break. Dudes, tea OK?"
"With lemon for me and honey for Chris," Tom said. "So how was this first experience?" Tom asked Chris.
"My neck is sore and my eyes are seeing dots."
Tom laughed, "The glamorous side of modeling. It gets worse."
"Thanks Tom," Chris smiled, "If you want to punish me just get out the belt."
"Later dear." Tom ran a hand across the belt buckle.
"Tea's ready," yelled Gorky from a table by a large window. Three mismatched mug and a porcelain teapot decorated with red and pink roses. Once Tom and Chris were seated on chairs that looked like rejects from I Love Lucy, Gorky said. "The teapot has only hot water, there are an assortment of teas--black, green and herbal." Chris chose an Earl Grey while Tom took a mint and green tea. "So, dude, where you meet this gorgeous man?" Gorky looked at Tom.
"He picked me up."
"Whoa, fuck dude. He picked you up. That a switcheroo for you." Gorky looked at Chris. "That dude is alpha. He has more pick-up lines than Merriam has words."
"Now, I'm not that bad."
"Dude, you're a slut with capital letters." Gorky looked at Tom and laughed like this was a conversation that was routine. "Chris here picked you up?" Gorky shook his head in amazement. "So how long have you been together?"
"Since Friday." Chris replied.
Gorky looked at Chris and Tom carefully watching their body language. "This is fast, dude." Chris nodded and looked at Tom. "Although this is longer than 90% of Tom's relationships. I thought you and Toby might last."
"Toby?" asked Chris with concern and a little jealousy.
"Yeh, this horn dog and Toby were quite an item for about three months last year."
"Tom never told me about Toby."
"Toby is history." Tom reassured Chris. "Toby's idea of a relationship is different than mine. For me a relationship is something more than a backup shag when no one else is around to screw." Chris continued to look at Tom waiting for more information. "We parted friends. You'll have a chance to meet him." Chris nodded. "If you thought Chaz was forward, Toby will have his hands down your pants before a handshake."
"Yea that dudes is definitely over sexed."
Tom gave a staccato laugh, "understatement...How is Chris doing?"
"Won't know for sure dude until I review all the photos. The camera likes him so far. Have some scones, I bought these this morning so they're fresh. Tom got me hook on this and tea."
"Glad to know I've elevated your tastes." Tom looked at Chris. "Before me the only thing he offered was bitter coffee and stale doughnuts."
"I wasn't that bad." Gorky protested. "My coffee was good, but you're a pampered pretty boy with Waldorf coffee tastes."
"He does seem very pampered" Chris offered. Gorky raise a hand to high-five Chris.
"Just watch it laddie, I'll pamper your ass so hard that you'll need to pee into a Pampers." Everyone had a good laugh.
"Dudes, time to get back to work. Tom, if you could pull the stool over, I would like to do some poses." Gorky pointed to a stool to the side of the white screen.
Once every one was by the white screen Gorky said, "Now Chris, I want you to sit on the stool and just relax." Chris sat. "Good, now put one foot for on a rung and one foot on the floor. Good. (Flashes) "Raise arm" (Flashes) "Throw a ball" (Flashes) "Turn sideways head over shoulder." (Flashes) "Relax, have fun. I need to tell you about the time Tom." Tom interrupted, "Please no embarrassing stories, I want Chris to think well of me." Gorky continued without even looking at Tom. "This dude gets his dick caught in a zipper during a photo shoot and can't get it down or up. Of course, all the male models flew to assist Tom. More to cop a feel than help." Chris starts to laugh. (Flash, flash, flash) "And Tom, here, is swatting all the hands away yelping in pain. Finally, Miriam came to Tom's rescue, swatted all the cock flies away and released Tom's swollen red member." (Flash, flash, flash, flash) "Tom had to sit for an hour, his dick exposed with ice on it."
"It was nothing to laugh about. It hurt like hell. It was jeans from some designer's bad boy collection. The zipper was large with a ring, like you might find on a jacket, except these were on jeans. And naturally, he wanted me sans underwear so an outline of my dick would show--bad boy." Chris was still laughing and Gorky flashing. "After my dick numbed a bit, I was a true professional and finished the shoot. The jeans with a nice swollen cock prompted some magazines to refuse to run the ad."
Chris had regained some control and smiled at Tom, "I am soo sworry that you hurtz your itsy-bitsy peepee." Chris started laughing again.
"I think I still have a scar, if you want to see." Tom pouted and then laughed.
"Yes, dude," Gorky said half in jest, "I would like to take a picture as a warning of an occupational hazard." Tom lightly slugged Gorky on the shoulder. Gorky faked a stumble back and pain. "Dude, don't damage the photographer. I know how to add warts to your photos." Tom just laughed louder.
A woman, in her mid-fifties, joined Tom and Chris. She had dark hair with thick strands of Grey. She was plump in a way that women grow into it as they age. It was attractive on her: it made her solid and formidable. But what struck Chris most was that she looked like she escaped from a gypsy tent. She took the idea of layering to the next level. She was a Grand Canyon of strata--green tights under a short rose dress, under a pale lavender herringbone sweater, under a silk print scarf. This all topped by a thirties style chunky multi-color necklace. Her arms had maybe ten or more bracelets to match the necklace. "Hi, guys, I heard my name and laughter and thought I would see what's happening."
"Being paranoid Miriam?" Tom asked.
"I was telling Chris here, Tom's zipper story." Gorky added. Miriam looked at Chris.
"Let me introduce you." Chris had walked over to the group. "Miriam, this is Chris. Stu is thinking of contracting him." Chris held out his hand. "Chris, this is Miriam, she is wardrobe, makeup, mother confessor, confidant, tyrant, and overall, one hell of a person."
Miriam took Chris's offered hand and pulled him into a hug. "I think I am more tyrant than any of the others listed," she smiled broadly at Chris. "Need to be to manage all the youthful testosterone that comes through here."
"Thank you ma'am," Chris enjoyed the hug, "I will do my best."
"Finally, Stu has found a man with manners," she smiled as she released Chris, "but you can call me Miriam or Mir." She looked at Tom. "Or behind my back that old biddy." Tom took a couple of small steps behind Gorky. "I may have thirty years on most of you, but that does not mean I am deaf." She pulled Chris a little closer in a lower voice meant for Chris but loud enough for everyone to her, "Truth be told, sometimes the boys force out the biddy in me." She gave Tom a forgiving smile. "You get on with your photo shoot. I'll wait here and then take Chris back for wardrobe."
Gorky clapped his hands. "Everyone back to place. Now Chris, I will say some emotional words and you convey them. You can either sit or stand as you wish for each word. Try not to over thing the word and the emotion. Be spontaneous, if you can. Got it dude."
"I'll do my best, Gorky," Chris sat on the stool while Gorky grabbed his hand camera.
"On three, ignore me and look at Tom. One, two, three. Distracted.... Pouty....Concerned....Pensive....Horny....Bad boy" Chris smile at Tom, who almost wanted to jump him right there and now. "Very good Chris, just a few more. Defiant....Sad....Lonely....Innocent....Lost. That's it Chris. So go with Miriam for wardrobe." Gorky turned to Miriam, who met Chris part way. "The usual ranges from edgy to formal."
"How may changes?" Miriam asked.
"Five should be enough, but use your judgment once you have a chance to evaluate"
"I don't mean to take up so much time," Chris said to Gorky.
"Don't worry dude, Helga has rearranged my schedule. We are flexible here." Gorky smiled and patted Chris's shoulder. "Now off to wardrobe."
Once Chris was off with Miriam, Gorky motioned Tom to the table where they had tea. "Might was well spare our feet, dude. It will be a while before Miriam is ready."
"What do you think, Gorky?" Tom asked.
"He is a keeper. In both ways." Gorky nibbled at a scone. "He has great potential. The camera loves him. And his emotions transfer clearly. Some of the last poses were very raw. I take it that the kid's life has not been easy."
"No, no it has not."
"I'm sure he will tell me if he wants," responded Gorky. "The two of you seem very close, bonding. But are you sure that the bond is not just your pity and his needs. I know you Tom and you have this sense to be places where people need help. And Chris has such a vulnerability about him that I can see the attraction."
"I know. It's been only three days. It is so fast. And I know my reputation for love and leave. But this feels different. The more I am around Chris, the more he feels right."
"Having a trannie for a boyfriend will present certain anatomical problems."
"We have managed, and if he completes his reassignment, we will adjust. Granted that Chris is hot, but I just like being with him. He's smart, surprisingly kind and thoughtful. He is a still point that I can image at my side twenty years from now."
"My little Tommy is hooked, and I can't be happier." Gorky heated more tea while Tom and he waits. He liked what he saw in his camera.
Miriam led Chris to an area behind the white screen that was one giant closet. It was filled with clothes three high and narrow rows. Jeans, shirts, suits, shoes every gay guy's wet dream.
"Holy shit, sorry Miriam," Miriam just waved it off, "This is more clothes than most department stores."
"This is my working wardrobe. I have more in the attic and three storage units. I need both trendy and conservative items here." She smiled at Chris, obviously proud of the collection. "I need multiple sizes, colors, and styles for special shoots and for neophytes, like you, whom I need to determine what is flattering." Chris ran his hand along a row of silk shirts in solids and prints. "Now strip. Everything off." Chris stiffened. "Hon, I have seen more dick and ass than most lurkers at a bathhouse. Now off with everything."
Chris removed his shirt, shoes and pants but left the underwear on. He did not mind being naked in front of Tom, he felt comfortable with Tom. But Miriam was a stranger and a woman. What would she say when she found out?
Miriam looked at Chris almost naked, awkwardly clinging to his underwear. "Chris, I said everything."
"But" Chris held his hands to hide his crotch.
Miriam walked over to Chris and stood a foot in front of him. "If you plan on being a model, get used to being around naked people. Just because your basket is fake does not allow you to hide it. Women use fake nails, fake eyelashes, fake boobs. You have a fake dick. If you are ashamed of it, why are you wearing it?"
"Jes, does everyone know by looking at me that my cock is fake?"
"Yours is not the first I've seen. Now off with the undies." Chris slid his underwear down and kicked them to his pile of clothes. A mirror was opposite Chris and he saw himself naked. He ran his hands down his chest, no breasts, smooth. His prosthetic looked very natural at this distance. He liked what he saw; maybe, he was over sensitive.
"Not bad looking at all, even naked." Miriam startled him and he blushed. "Now turn toward me." She fluffed his hair. "Hair's a little to long for business but too short for bun. But I can manage three or four looks. A little color to the lips, the pouty look." Miriam ran a finger around Chris's nipples. "The scars from your reduction are very small. You had a good surgeon." Miriam hands slid to his hips then butt. Her touch was deliberate and directed. There was nothing slightly arousing about the touch. Chris laughed at that thought. "Be right back."
Chris could hear her swishing hangers and muttering "no, no, fuck, yes, maybe. It reminded Chris of his mother shopping for tomatoes. That was a path that Chris did not want to travel now."
"I have seven outfits for you to model. We'll start simple and progress to tuxes and then," she smiled deviously, "we'll end with this." Chris eyes bulged at the outfit. "But we'll start with this. It will be a tease for the finish."
"Hey guys, we don't have all day," Chris yelled from in front of the white board where he was standing in yellow flowered board shorts and a loose yellow tank top. His hair was wild and windblown.
Gorky grabbed his camera and began circling Chris, shouting poses.
Tom was aroused and yelled, "I'd ride your board anytime." Chris smiled at Miriam. He was having fun.
"Shirt off, slowly," commanded Gorky. Chris slowly pulled the tank off, play striptease to Tom. "Excellent, now shorts." Tom tensed uncertain of how Chris would respond. Chris gave Tom a seductive smile and turned his back, and slowly lowered the shorts, ass to Tom, revealing a hot pink brief suit. The shorts on the ground, he turned to face Tom. With his foot he flicked the shorts up and grabbed them. Tom applauded wildly. Gorky has stopped clicking and stared at Chris.
"Damn dude," Gorky said to Chris. His smile told Chris that he liked what he photographed. "have you ever danced at gay clubs?" Chris said no. "Now we will do lying down poses and then the next outfit."
Soon Chris was out in gray washed jeans with frayed rips a little close to the crotch, a graphic T-shirt and a pale blue hoodie. That progressed to blue plaid shorts and a pale blue T-shirt, crisp indigo jeans with a white polo, dark brown Dockers and a woodsy patterned silk shirt. Gorky called a break.
"I'll make tea," offered Miriam as she headed to a small stove in the corner.
"I need to pee," stated Chris. "Where?"
"I'll show you." Tom took hold of Chris's arm half dragging him through the hallway door. "You are such a cock tease," he warned Chris. "I'm so horny now I may just ravish you in the bathroom."
"I am just modeling the cloths," Chris gave Tom a smile of the sweetest innocence that juries would exonerate a mass shooter. "Am I to blame if you are a slut so easily aroused," Tom just growled, "bitch."
Chris and Tom returned from the restrooms to find lunch waiting. As they joined Miriam and Gorky at the table Gorky asked, "Dude, are you having fun?"
"It is a blast."
"Say that when you are modeling underwear in the snow," groused Tom, who still not happy with Chris's flirting. Flirting with the camera, with all the pervs who might jack-off to the photos. Chris smiled at him and winked. Damn him...I've created a monster. It's my fault. He's too good at this...Damn me I'll lose him to...He'll have offers for jobs, money, sex...I know the temptations and have succumbed...He'll leave me...Poor Tom...Whiny Tom...Don't be a selfish jerk Tom...This is for Chris, Tom. Smile. Chris reached under the table startling Tom who looked at Chris. Chris mouthed an "I love you."
"The session is going very well I think, don't you Tom?" Gorky asked.
"Chris seems comfortable with the camera." Tom replied trying not to let his anxiety show.
"He is natural and honest," Gorky smiled a hard smile at Tom, "Not everyone can be honest with emotions." Tom frowned back at Gorky, was he being that obvious? "I spoke with Stu," Gorky continued, "He has seen some of the photos and would like to talk to Chris after we are done. Miriam," Gorky turned toward Miriam, "How many changes do we still have."
"I have four more: business casual, suit, tux, and a surprise." She gave a conspiratorial smile to Chris, who grinned back. "I can cut it to two if you are running out of time." She added.
Tom was unnerved but the mention of a surprise and gave Chris a quizzical look. Chris returned a demure smile. "That will be fine, Miriam. But I would like a few nude shots." Gorky turned to Chris for consent. Chris quickly looked at Tom in a panic. Tom just smiled and gave a curt nod. "They will be tasteful," added Gorky, "only what you are comfortable with dude."
Tom put aside his personal conflicts and added, "When Gorky does a nude photo, it is a work of art. Some are in MOMA." Chris looked at Tom, still not convinced. "Gorky is very respectful and does not exhibit without written consent of the model."
"My dad used to say `all or nothing'." Chris said to Gorky, "however, I don't think he meant this kind of nothing." Chris gave a nervous laugh, which everyone joined.
"Nudity is remarkable liberating," Miriam said. "I vacationed for several years with a previous at a nudist camp in Florida. No tan line" she smiled at Chris, "Hon, back to work. Penny loafers, charcoal slack await." She arose and headed toward the changing area. Chris followed her cacophony of color. Chris was soon back before the white screen in brown penny loafers, grey blend slacks, a pink dress shirt under a blue cashmere sweater. Chris had never felt anything so soft as the sweater and promised himself that one day he would own one...or two. Gorky flashed away while Tom stood with arms crossed and defensive.
Next came an Armani suit of deep blue almost black, a cream shirt, and a striped tie, Miriam had to do the tie, and dark horn-rimmed glasses. Gorky gave poses: serious, assertive, thoughtful, vulnerable, sexy. "Good, that's it, more to the left, great." Gorky barked.
Chris turned and posed as dictated, catching Tom's sullen eyes and hard stance, but he did not have time to question what he was doing wrong. Chris almost missed the order to take the jacket off. "Sorry Gorky, zoning." He removed the jacket. "The pants are altered with clothes pins. Miriam said it was common for a quick fit." Chris turned around and displayed about a half-dozen clothes pins that gathered loose fabric from waist to inside seem.
"Damn, dude, you're scrawny. Tommy's got to fatten you up, anorexic is way out now. Twenty years ago, this look was the demand, not now dude. Just throw the jacket over your shoulder and loosen the tie." Chris complied. "Good now undo the top two buttons of the shirt... Great." Chris did a few poses and returned to Miriam.
Miriam dressed Chris in a Dolce Gabbana tux unlike any Chris had seen before. The jacket was grey and black velvet checks. He felt sophisticated and edgy. She handed him a red rose as she joined Chris out front. Chris completed the poses, as Gorky required. Once done, Chris walked over to Tom, who still looked like he swallowed a whole pickle. He handed the rose to Tom. "I know it is fake, but until I can give you a real one, this is my way of saying thank you. From watching you I know that I am bombing, but I appreciate your effort." He gave Tom a quick kiss as Miriam waved Chris back to her.
"Boys, the last item will take a little time to prepare. So please go have a spot of tea." She giggled and pulled Chris back to the wardrobe area.
Gorky shrugged his shoulders at Tom. "Might as well do as told, dude. You know Miriam when she has a new doll to dress." Gorky watched Tom walk back to the table and sit. "What's up your ass, dude." Gorky rounded on Tom. "The kids good, damn good."
"I know"
"You jealous?"
"No," pause, "maybe a little, but I am happy he is so good."
"Wouldn't know by the attitude, dude." Gorky poured some tea into Tom's cup. "What's eatin'?"
"I watch him, and he is so hot and sexy and desirable. How can I keep him for me.?"
"You can't dude."
"Thanks for the boost."
"Listen dude." Gorky smile reflect Tom's pain. ""You cannot keep him. It takes both of you to make this work. And right now, that dude is totally into you." Tom looked at the rose. "The future is unknown."
"Yea, guess you're right." Tom looked at the rose and smiled. "It's all so fast for Chris...for both of us."
"Look dude, I met my old lady at a Def Leppard concert. Knew right then she was the one. Twenty-three years later, she still the one." Gorky watched Tom's eyes. "It ain't been easy." Gorky paused and took a deep breath. "Got a bit easier once Stu stopped with the chicks and only works with dudes. I'm not into dudes." Gorky noticed Tom tense. "No problem with those that do, however. Now you and Chris together feel genuine. Know what I mean?"
"Yeah," Tom smiled and relaxed a little.
"Ain't going to be easy," Gorky gave Tom an intense stare. "Him no dick and getting a dick thing."
Tom laughed "Yeah that is a real thing." Gorky laughed too.
"But dude, I have faith that the two of you can make it. That scrawny dude has bigger balls than me." Gorky smiled large and broad, "Metaphorically, for now." Their conversation was interrupted by a squeal of delight from the other side of the loft. The two men looked at each other. "I think, dude, we are in for a show." Gorky said. "Let's return to the white screen. I see Miriam has pulled a stool into place." Tom was already walking toward the screen, ready for anything Miriam might have in mind. Tom knew from experience that Miriam could be downright kinky.
"Now gentlemen," Miriam said when Tom and Gorky arrived. "My last outfit is different, so I request that you close your eyes until I say."
"You don't have Chris is a dress?" Tom looked at Miriam concerned.
"Heavens no," she laughed. "And I strongly doubt that I would be able to convince him to." She continued, "Chris is an eager participant. Don't fret you pretty head Tom." She patted Tom on the cheek. "Now close the eyes." After some soft noise of people moving and sliding the stool Miriam shouted "Open!"
Gorky immediately grabbed the camera and started flashing. Tom at first wanted to laugh but then as he started to get aroused. Chris was sitting on the edge of the stool, one foot on the floor and another on a rung. He had on very tight black leather pants, biker boots, a worn black leather jacket, unzipped, and no shirt. His eyes were lined in black, increasing the intensity of their blue, and his hair was spiked and highlighted with baby blue. It was a bad boy look that Tom thought Chris could never pull off. Chris's pale skin and all the black leather was damn hot. Chris exuded a toughness and determination that the clothes enhanced. Together it was "don't fuck with me."
Gorky finished shooting and Chris walked over to Tom, who seemed in a far better mood. Maybe I should always wear this, Chris thought. Tom's hands were suddenly all over Chris, feeling the leather jacket, Chris's bare chest, the supple way the leather pants clung to Chris's ass.
"Miriam, I would never have thought that look for Chris, but you nailed it." Gorky said, "Chris, Tom needs to be wary of the bad ass in you. You're one tough dude." Gorky came over and pulled Chris away from a reluctant Tom. "We still have a few nude shots to do, then we are done, and you can see Stu."
Chris immediately took off the jacket and shoes. The pants were more problematic. They stuck to his moist flesh. "Hint," Tom offered, "Powder first then on." Tom knelt on the floor next to Chris and helped pull the pants down and then handed them to Miriam. A curious thought crossed Chris's mind. Here he was naked in front of strangers and not caring. It seemed normal.
"Thank you, Miriam," Chris said, "I really enjoyed the surprise and your help. The look on Tom's face was a true gift." He turned to Gorky, "What do we have to do now?"
"Dude, that last session was hot so anything we do now will be anticlimax. Um, we will start with you sitting on the stool hands over junk, then back to me and finally we will do some of you laying on the floor." Gorky helped Chris to the stool and positioned him how he wanted. He whispered into Chris's eye. "I got pics of Tom's reactions, I'll send copies." Chris thanked him and glanced at Tom, who still seemed to be in shock over the leather outfit. "Now dude, just a bit more. It has been a long day for you. Miriam if you could fix his hair, but leave the eye makeup" Miriam quickly rearranged Chris's hair and within ten minutes Gorky was finished. "Go get dress and see Stu. He is waiting."
Chris went back to wardrobe where Miriam had his clothes laid out. "Chris, hon, I have had a blast with you today. I can't wait to work with you again. You are professional, easy to dress, no whining or objecting to what I want. And you are funny."
"I had a blast too. You have a way of making me feel human." Chris glanced down at himself as he pulled underwear on. "Here I am standing naked with a fake dick in front of a woman I just met a few hours ago feeling totally comfortable. I week ago, this would not have happened."
"Chris, you are a wonderful person and a fine man, regardless of what is real or not between your legs. I have worked with many men and seen many penises--if you want a run down before surgery of the best choices, just ask--so believe me when I say that a penis does not make a man a man. Only a few men I know could have carried the leather look as well as you." Chris blushed and thanked her as he put on his shirt and finished dressing. "Here," said Miriam as she shoved a bag into Chris's hand. Chris looked into the bag; it was the leather pants and jacket.
Chris took the jacket out and put it to his face and smelled. "Thank you but can you give away clothes?"
"Don't worry, hon. Consider it as payment for today's work."
"Won't Stu object?"
"No, hon. He would insist." She gave Chris a quick once over, habit for dressing people for so long. "Oh dear, the eye make-up. Let me remove that before you leave."
"No," Chris replied, "I like it and will wear it for now. It will unnerve Tom." They both laughed and hugged goodbye. Chris met Tom and Gorky by the door to the loft. "Dude, it has been a pleasure." Gorky gave Chris a big hug. "I am positive that I will see you soon, and Stu will offer you a contract. Now try to be nice to Tom. He is feeling a little rejected because of all the attention you got today. Big ego." Tom punched Gorky lightly on the shoulder. "Ouch, dude, you abuse me; I abuse your photos." Tom went sheepdog look. "Got to keep him in line," Gorky said to Chris, "Can you do that?" Chris laughed and took Tom's arm and led him out the door to the stairs. Chris heard Gorky's voice from the stairwell. "Good start dude, teach him who's boss."
In the stairwell Chris asked Tom. "Do all initial shoots take that long?"
Tom laughed, "No usually only fifteen to thirty minutes. Miriam and Gorky are a pair. The feed each other's creativity." Chris frowned at feeling a tool. "You, my love, were their muse today."
The entered Stu's office to Helga's broad smile. "My, my Chris, you are finally released from Gorky's clutches. Do you like something to drink?" She paused to look at Tom, "And, of course, you too Tom. Stu should be here soon." By the time Chris said water and Tom said he was fine, Stu came bounding into the office. "My boy, how was your day." He grabbed Chris by the shoulder and ushered him back to the office with Tom a puppy following behind. Once in his office Stu directed Chris to the sofa and sat next to him. "You sure impressed Gorky and Miriam. And from some of the photos I've seen, the camera too. I have a contract on my desk for you to sign and other paperwork. We can start you next week when you are in New York. He is returning to New York with you?" Stu looked at Tom who as still standing beside Chris.
"Chris and I have not specifically talked about it, but that is my plan." Tom looked at Chris.
"We will talk about this latter." Tom started to worry that he might lose Chris, but then Chris smiled. Helga came into the office and gave Chris a bottle of water and some papers for Stu. She did not leave.
"You two work out the details," Stu said to Chris. "But we have a contract to sign." Helga handed Stu papers from his desk, who gave them to Chris. "Initial at the highlighted areas and sign the last page." Helga gave Chris a clipboard and a pen.
"Not so fast," interrupted Tom "let me read the contract." Chris handed Tom the clipboard. Tom quickly perused the contract, crossed out something on page two and Xed out things on page four. Stu sat patiently with a small smile. "I changed a five-year contract to two years, which is standard. In two years, you can always resign and renegotiate. I crossed out the paragraph where you could not refuse any assignment. Come on Stu what were you thinking." Stu just sat quiet. "And I crossed out the paragraph on paying standard rates." He turned to Chris, "We need to negotiate this." Helga gave Tom a good-for-you smile.
"I should have left Tom in the other room." smiled Stu, obviously not offended by Tom's comments. "I will agree to a two-year contract and the right of refusal, only because I like Chris" Tom huffed at the obvious ploy. "But standard rate is reasonable because Chris is untested and untried. Why would I pay more for a horse until I've seen it run?"
"Bull shit," replied Tom with no anger. "I watched Chris upstairs, you've heard from Gorky and Miriam, and you've seen some of the photos. You would not be pushing the contract if you did not see a goldmine."
"What do you want?"
"Standard rate." Chris looked confused. "with 2% of the contract rate, to be raised to 5% in six months, and agency rate of 12%."
Stu sat impassive for a few minutes. "What you are asking for, most of my long-term talent do not make. Why do you want me to do better for Chris, and unknown quantity?"
"Most of your talent are not equal to Chris." Tom paused, "Chris, I'm sorry, but Stu is being difficult. Once we get to New York. I'll take you to some of the agencies there. They pay better than Stu anyway." Chris stood to leave, feeling disappointed.
""No don't be too hasty," Stu casually said. Chris sat again. "I hate to see Chris working for those blood suckers in New York." He smiled at Chris, "Here is what I will do, just because I like you Chris. 2% now, 4% in six months and 7% in one year if he generates 500,000 in revenue. And an agency fee of 15%."
"Let me talk to Chris a moment." Stu nodded. Tom whispered in Chris's ear. "I'm sure these are the terms he originally planned, but he thinks it is necessary to try low-balling. I might be able to get more." Chris whispered back, "No, I trust Stu to be fair ultimately. His colors said he was not serious with the first offer. This one he is and he is a good and honest man. I like the offer." Tom whispered back "You could get more money." Chris breathed into Tom's ear. "Anything is more than I make now. Let's do it." Tom broke away from Chris. "Chris believes that you are withholding, but he likes you and so he agrees." Stu nodded to Helga, who handed Chris a new contract with the new terms included. Chris gave Stu a "you bastard look."
"Chris, my boy, a good negotiation is where everyone feels that they win. You will need to negotiate if you are to be successful." Stu chuckled at what he thought a good deal.
"Chris, I will need your full name and social security number to fill in the details." Helga said. Chris pulled out a tattered wallet and pulled out his social security card. Helga looked at the card "I'm sorry but I need to address the contract to Chris Wentworth and gender female, until you can get it legally changed," she quickly added. Chris felt like he would burst into tears. He so wanted Chris--female dead and not have her return. "To everyone here," Helga continued, "You are Chris here with us, a fine young man." Tom gave Chris a reassuring hug, "We will get this changed." "Do you have a driver's license," "No, I never had a chance or means to learn," Chris replied hiding a thousand regrets, "But Hank insisted I get an ID card." Chris handed Helga a card with his picture and the name Chris Wentworth and the gender strangely absent. Tom wondered whom Hank bribed to have the omission. "Just a few more signatures and we are done." Helga explained. Once Chris had signed everything, Helga gave him a big hug. "I'm glad you are now part of our family." She then took everything and left the room. Soon she was back and slipped the just signed contracts into a shredder. Chris want to cry. "Chris," Helga said soothingly. "You signed the contracts Christina. Your Social says Chris. What is your official name?"
"It is Chris on my birth certificate, but when I turned thirteen and had the meeting with the psychotherapist, she insisted I be called Christina." Helga had printed new contracts, which Chris signed. Chris affirmed to himself that Christina is now dead.
"How does it feel to be an official model?" Stu asked looking very proud at Chris.
"Ask me in a year," replied Chris.
"Do you have a passport." Chris shook his head no. "Didn't think so. I'll make sure that he gets one ASAP." Helga stated.
"Why do I need a passport, I figured you would have me do catalogs and print adds for at least a year while I learned the ropes."
"Normally, yes, but you and Tom will do Milan's fashion week in five months."
"Will I be ready?" This was a question more for Tom than Stu.
"It will be Tom's job to make you ready. Right Tom" Tom nodded agreement at Stu. "I am arranging a very full calendar for the next few months to build experience. A New York's fashion show is in June. Tom is walking it, and you will go to observe, get the feel."
"You're the boss" Chris said, liking the feel of the words.
"Good" said Stu, "Now off with both of you. It's been a long day and I have other things to do. "I will see you both before you head back to New York."
Chris and Tom said farewell to Stu and received big hugs from Helga before they left the building.
"Damn," said Tom as he hailed a cab. "It's 4:30 and we need to have dinner with Cedrick and Ariel at 7:30." Chris sighed and yawned. "We do not need to go, but we're going to the Italian restaurant you recommended."
"I'll take a quick nap at the hotel and then be bright eyed and bushy tailed." Chris snuggled into deep into Tom's side. The cab driver saw them in his rear-view mirror and smiled.