XLV/35
I really felt like a rocket controller. I had decided that Kamilla's rocket would not lift off without my permission. You would not think the woman getting fucked could be in control. But it wanted to have her big cock on my own terms, and I was succeeding. Perhaps it was the position we were in, where I could reach the floor and hold her knees, giving me stability. Or maybe Kamilla was getting a bit tired, could not control much of her other parts, or she was totally driven to finish and was oblivious to how I was handling her strong, hectic upwards penetrations. Two things are for sure: she had not lost the hardness of her cock (nor her steamy lubrication) and she was eager to fill me up, shoot is all, as soon as possible. But I was able to continue to hover over her, as if floating, using the strength of my thighs, pushing up from my feet, rather than to sit idle so to let her cock batter my insides, and our balls crush against each other. I had to decide when to launch, which I knew was to be ignited by a strong and long contact of her tip somewhere on the walls of my insides. The grimacing of her face showed she was getting close but I had decided not to follow that queue. Under so much scheming, I was still enjoying the entry of her long and wide cock and I bet my face reflected more of the sexual energy than the thoughts I was having on the issue of control. This ecstatic face that I had was an open book to Laura and Cindy, who by know reading both our faces, has sensed that this was not an ordinary coupling where I would submit to the power of Kamilla's cock. My body language was clear: I was escaping from and returning to Kamilla's huge cock with the up and down movements of my body. "Oh oh..." I heard Eugenia say "Kamilla is going to explode...". "Go on Claire, pump some more" said Laura, "she still needs more", I heard her say to Eugenia. Oh the girl knew me. She had mounted me several times and she knew that. Even with her much smaller cock Laura knew I needed quite a long pumping drive where her own juices would keep me lubricated. She would remember my dodging movements in my quest to avoid premature launch. With Laura too, I had to be in charge; I was the igniter. The truth is that a couple of minutes Iater I was on a very high ecstatic state and I was ready. It was the girls who coached me to start ignition. While looking at me Laura said "Let her go... let her fill you up...go on baby... enjoy". And so I just let the weight of my body go, allowing a big smash of Kamilla's engrossed glans into my bowels, and igniting Kamilla's semen ejection by keeping the pressure. I was a dead weight, balancing my body on the hard and long axe of Kamilla's cock. And it came strong, savage and long, and I sensed every jet of her cum hitting my depths, and I felt all her cum lining my bowels, and I sensed all the cum sliding down to see the light, even when Kamilla was still pretty hard inside me. The reverberations in my body has been ultra intense and I held strong to Kamilla's thighs. My crack, balls and thighs were slimy with cum. Kamilla was spent and seemed to have no strength to exit. I was ok with that as I like to feel the slow shrinking of cocks in my ass, which in Kamilla's case would still keep a sizeable mass. She had really a monstrous cock, erect or not. The girls approached and started licking and slurping it all, the cum around my ass, on my thighs, covering my balls, on the shaft of Kamilla's as it slowly came out my ass; I stood up but curved over, looking under me to try to get a glimpse at its revelation in a post-ejaculation state. It was a fantastic sight to finally see the shiny and wet glans emerge, following the fat shaft, and all of it to hang still slightly engrossed between Kamilla's legs. She had a huge smile on her face and pulled me to her to give me a deep tongued kiss.
I do not know why, as I was sliding deep into the girl's ass with all the pleasure I was feeling, I remembered Simone. Would she already be able to have sex the way she really wanted? Would she already be feeling like a real woman (to herself; she was to me). I did understand her at the time. As a reread words of my last episode I notice I that I remembered that she would have liked "a woman like me" to be her lover. And I wondered if I could recognize her today? Heck, would I recognize a woman who had had a sex change, who had decided to remove her cock in a vaginoplasty procedure? As I thought about this I checked around. Would I be able to find pre-op and post-op videos or photos of for the same woman? I was surely getting into a more explicit field. No photos of Maya, Loriel or Shawn on Instagram would show me this. I had to search into plastic surgery clinics. I had never shopped for a clinic since I never went for breast augmentation, let alone removing my cock. My long years of hormones did set me up to what I wanted. And then I started thinking about the aesthetics. Have you heard of surgeries to reduce the size of the labia majora and minora? Women do this so their labia do not protrude, hang or get in the way, I suppose. I suppose also that as you get a vagina made from your cock and scrotum, you could, so to say, tailor it at you taste. There should be, for example, enough tissue in the scrotum to make any size of the inner labia, which in many cases are broad and long, of the outer labia, which can be very puffy, and even perhaps the size of the clitoris which is made from the glans. What would I check in my wish list if I wanted one? What would Simone have chosen? While I think of that, and perhaps you too. In any case, as I searched the web, you can be amazed at the variety in vulvas as documented by "The Great Wall of Vagina" by McCartney or "The Vulva Gallery" by Atalanta. I still need to search more. While I feel like a real woman and have a cock, which I would not part from, other women, who started as I, see removing the cock as a must, often the culminating event in was is surely a long, long path, with necessarily a good deal of frustrations. Simone experienced a few of these, mostly because of her particular sexual aversions. I believe I made her happy the few times we slept together, before we parted ways. She made me happy for sure because it was an occasional but committed relationship in which despite its challenges we resolved bed issues in a peaceful way. Indeed our commitment was perhaps as physical partners in Yoga rather than in sex, even when we started having it. Our emotional and physical bond was built over Yoga, by holding and touching our bodies as we went together through the paired asanas. It was in these sessions that each of us explored the space close to our groins, in sight and smell, able to notice the discreet bulge in our leggings and the slight smell that is not quite vaginal. Ultimately, one day, without pressure from me, out of the blue, in the peaceful setting of our encounters, she asked me to fuck her from behind.
PS 9. At twelve I started shaving my legs. I am not sure why. I do not think it was because I wanted to be a girl (perhaps I wanted to be a professional cyclist! J I did like riding.) I did however want to feel feminine; or explore my feminine side. I would play a lot tucking, while also getting rid of my first pubic hair. Then discovering at the top of my dick a spot (where I suppose the clitoris would be) that was quite erogenous and that I would masturbate along with my dick. But often it was hands on nipple, where I imagined a nubile, small breast and on my pseudo-clit.