The following story is fiction and may contain sexual content and situations between males of various ages. If it is illegal for you to view such content then please leave this page immediately. All characters and names are figments of my imagination and are not meant to resemble or portray any person in real life - past or present.
All work is copyright protected by the author, me. No reproduction is permitted without explicit permission from me.
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This is my first attempt at writing a story. Please feel free to contact me at terry@thestorycloset.org with any comments or feedback. The newest chapters and updates of mine, and other author's stories, can be found at http://terry.thestorycloset.org .
Enjoy!
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One - Shocking Revelations
OK.. I'm lost.
Nonono. You don't understand. I know where I am - I think. But I'm still lost..
I've spent the last three years of my life trying to figure myself out. Three years that were soooo painful and sooo empty - three wasted years. Because I STILL have no fucking clue who or what I am.
Ok.. yeah. I'm rambling. The facts: I'm a guy, I'm 16, I live in the middle of NO-FUCKING-WHERE, and I like other guys. YES! damnit! I'm gay. OK, I said it. Oh.. and I'm Todd. 5'10" of pure skin and bones. OK, well.. maybe not that skinny. I guess I weigh 135 or so. Working on a farm has it's perks, I guess - it does build some muscle. Oh, and brown hair and blue eyes.
No - I don't hate myself. I just don't like myself very much. And I don't really understand myself, either. The more things I finally realize about myself the more questions I have.
I have some pretty good friends. And a few not so good. But living in the boondocks makes it pretty difficult to know a lot of people. Hell, I have to ride the fucking bus for nearly 2 hours to and from school each day!
For all my problems, I do pretty well in school. I take a few advanced classes and hold a B+ average, overall.
And my family.. well.. My parents split when I was 5. I'm with my mother now but have lived with each of my parents off and on for most of my life. They don't like each other much and I often get caught in the middle of some of their tirades.
I've been sitting out here on this hilltop, just staring off into space, for most of the morning. For late July it really is a nice sunny, cool day. Excellent pondering weather. And pondering is something I do exceptionally well . I think that if I didn't ponder things so much I'd be better off. Or am I just pondering again?
I dunno, maybe I like the silence out here. No people to bug me. No web of relationships to wade through. No facades to keep up, and no need to lie to people about who I really am.
"Hey 'T', you out here?". Oh great.. there goes the quiet.
"Todd, you around?!". How the fuck does he always find me?
I hear some rustling in the trees off to my right, and finally get up off my ass. Won't do any good to have Scottie see me out here brooding.
"Ahh, there you are. I figured I'd find you out here again", Scottie yelled across the field.
Meet Scottie - 5'8" of the most ungraceful teenager you'll ever meet. If there's something to trip over, fall down or run into, Scottie will find it.
"Your mom said you headed out of the house a couple hours ago, so I figured I'd find you somewhere up here", Scottie said as he walked over beside me. "Thought you might want to head down by the river and fish for a bit, or maybe just waste some time".
"Well, I'm not really in the mood to fish but I'll head down to the river for a bit if you want", I said as I started off down the hillside.
Scott and his family moved here about a year ago. Came from a small city up-state near Cleveland. He's not a city boy, but he sure as hell doesn't know much about the outdoors either. I like Scottie a lot. He's been a good friend. Though, for some reason, I haven't confided much in him - and I'm not sure why. Scottie has been nothing but totally nice to me - Even when I'm in one of my brooding moods. Scottie is 4 months younger and a few pounds lighter than me. And where my hair is brown, his is sorta a dark blond. I will admit he has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen in my life - usually a deep green, but they seem to change colors with his moods.
As we head down the hill we have to cross over the fence into the next field. The farmer I work for keeps a few head of cattle in the field, so he has electric fence strung up to keep the cattle in. We jump over the strand of wire and walk along it down towards the bottom of the hill - careful not to touch it.
There's a certain rule of thumb to follow when you're walking with Scottie: When walking uphill, stay ahead of him. When walking down hill, stay behind him. This way when he trips and falls - and this happens often - he doesn't take you rolling down the hill with him.
As we get near the bottom of the hill, where the pasture meets the road, Scottie looks over his shoulder at me and says "Hold up a few, I gotta take a leak".
So, I stop and start looking around so as not to appear to be watching. Not that I wanted to watch - I'm not into seeing guys pee. But, well.. I was sorta interested in what he was packing. Scottie's always been pretty modest, so I've never had the chance to see him without a shirt - much less below the belt.
Sooo.. I'm standing there admiring the cow pies off in the distance and wondering what the fuck is taking him so long. "Scottie, hurry the hell -".
"AAHHHHHHHHHHH!", Scottie screams.
I whip around in time to see him jerk back and fall flat on his back - still pissing straight up in the air. "Scottie! What the fuck did you - ahahahahahahaha". I couldn't stop laughing! Seems Scottie never realized you don't piss on an electric fence. I'm laughing so hard I fall on my ass.
Finally, after catching my breath I walk over to him and, very carefully, help him up. As he stands up he realizes he's still hanging out and zips up before I get a chance to look. Damnit!
"Dude, erm, you gotta get cleaned up before we go anywhere", I said. "Let's head over by my house since it's on the way. I'm pretty sure I have something there you can wear". Scottie sorta looks embarrased and starts walking off towards my place.
As we're walking up the road I'm starting to feel bad about laughing. "Hey, you ok Scottie? Are you mad at me? I didn't mean to laugh at you..it's just.. well.. it was funny to see. You laying there on your back with a look of shock on your face peeing straight up in the air. I couldn't help myself!".
"Why the hell do I always do this kind of stuff, Todd? None of our other friends do so much stupid shit as I do! What's wrong with me?!", he yells in frustration.
Scottie stops and turns around. His face is sorta red, and it looks like he's been crying a bit."Scott - Hey, I'm sorry dude. I didn't mean to upset you. Really!", I said.
"It's not just you, T. I just do so much stupid stuff. My dad's been getting down on me about it too. Lately I just can't seem to do anything right!"
"Scottie, it's just a phase. I went through it too. I think it's hormones kicking in and stuff. Remember, you grew like 3 inches in the last few months! Give it a bit of time."
"We'll see", Scottie mumbled.
I walked up to Scottie and carefully put my arm around his shoulder and got us walking towards the house. This was really bothering me. I don't like seeing my friends down, but for some reason seeing Scottie down really got to me.
We trudged on along the dirt road til we got to my lane and I said "Erm, Scottie, we should go in the back door and right up the steps to my room. I don't think we want mom to see you like this. Could be a bit embarrasing explaining it to her".
Scottie turned a bit red again, but we ran up the back steps into the house and up the stairs to my room. I started digging through my dressers and closet trying to find something that would fit him. I finally came across an old t-shirt that was too small for me and a pair of Levis I thought would fit him.
"Scott, you'll probably want to take a quick shower before you change into these. I'll keep your clothes here and wash them when I wash mine". I do my own laundry since mom works a lot of hours and I don't want her to waste her free time on my stuff.
"Yeah", he says as I turn around to hand him a towel. HOLY SHIT! He's undressing! HERE! In front of me!
"Oh my god! Calm down Todd! Get a grip!" I thought to myself as I quickly turned back around the other way. I didn't want to turn... god knows I didn't want to.. but if I didn't I'd be standing there drooling! Scottie had the nicest body I'd seen on a guy. Not too muscular, but not too skinny. And from the very brief glimpse I caught, he wasn't built too bad below the belt either! "Deep breaths, Todd! Don't think about it!" I was thinking to myself in an attempt to keep 'Little Todd" from waking up.
Well, I shouldn't have worried. Within seconds Scottie had headed across the hall into the bathroom to get a shower. While he was in there I ran downstairs to get a plastic bag to put his clothes in until I could do laundry a little later.
As I'm walking through the kitchen mom walks in and says "Hey hun, when did you get in? I didn't hear you come through the door. And why is there water running upstairs?".
"Scottie and I came in a few minutes ago. Scottie's taking a quick shower because he had a small accident on the way here", I offered. And see? I didn't have to lie either!
"Small accident, eh? Sounds like Scottie", my mom said with a smile. She knows him pretty well too since he spends quite a bit of time here.
"Yeah, well, we're going to head down by the river for a while after he gets cleaned up.", I said as I headed back towards the stairs.
"Well, dinner is in a couple of hours and Scottie, as always, can stay if he wants. I made homemade spaghetti and garlic bread since I had the day off", mom offered in passing.
"We'll be here Mrs. C!", Scottie yelled as he half ran and half fell down the steps. I told you he was graceful, didin't I?
Scottie seemed to have a love affair with my mom's cooking. Well, I guess I did too. For all of the time she spent at work she still made enough time to make some pretty damned good meals for me...erm, I mean us, I guess.
"Scottie, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Kathy?", mom said with a grin on her face.
"Yeah, you're supposed to call her Kathy - isn't that right, Kathy?", I said with a smirk. Well, that got me a small smack on the back of the head from mom.
"Hey! I was just trying to set a good example!", I said in feigned pain as I rubbed the back of my head.
"YOU?! Set a good example?! Mr. my-mom's-name-is-bitch?", mom countered while shaking her head.
"I was only five years old mom! And you know that's what dad used to call you most of the time!", I offered in defense.
"Well, that's all over and done with now - hopefully", she said with a slight smile.
"Yeah, he just always refers to you as 'your mother' now",
Did I mention that my parents don't get along? Oh, yeah.. that's right.
Scottie's just sitting at the kitchen counter with a smile on his face taking all of this in. It's not new. My mom and I bicker a lot back and forth. All in good fun, though. I really do love her. Sometimes she's the only thing that keeps me sane - most times, actually. I honestly think she understands me better than I understand myself.
And no. Mom doesn't know about me being 'that way'. I really want to tell her - no, I need to tell her; but I just can't bring myself to do it. It's not that I'm scared, erm.. ok, yes it is. It scares the hell out of me not knowing how she may react. She's never really spoken bad about gay people - actually, I don't think I recall her ever talking about them. But right now she's the only thing in this life that I know I can cling to if things are bad. And I don't want to risk losing that. She's always here for me, and right now I really need the feeling of knowing that I have at least that.
Dad, on the other hand, is just an 18 year old in a 36 year old body. I don't know if he'll ever grow up. Don't get me wrong - I love my dad; but he's a pretty selfish individual. He tends to live life for the moment; and if you don't fit into that moment you'll have to wait for one you do fit into.
"Well, you two clear out of the kitchen so I can finish making dinner. And don't be late getting back here, either! It'll be on the table in two hours", mom says as she ushers us out of the kitchen.
As we head out the back door, I look at Scottie and jokingly say "We're going to have to set up a bedroom for you before much longer if this keeps up. I think you're here, or out with me somewhere, more than you're at home!".
"Sometimes I wish I could just move in here", Scottie mumbles quietly.
"Erm, Scott.. what's up? You seem awfully down today. I thought it was due to the 'accident' earlier, but now it seems like something else is bothering you too", I say as I stop walking and turn to look at him. "You know you can always talk to me, Scottie. About anything. You're the one that's always cheering me up, and I really appreciate it. So, I want to be here for you too. So, tell me, what's wrong, Scott?".
Scottie just looks down and says "Maybe later".
Ok, it's worry time. I walk over in front of Scottie, kneel down so I can look him in the eye, "What's wrong, Scottie?".
Scottie shifts his head away and mumbles "Not now, T".
OK, so, time for some action. I can't have this. Since I'm already kneeling down, I rush forward, throw my right arm around his waist and hoist him up over my shoulder.
"Todd! Damnit, put me down!", Scottie yells with a little laugh in his voice.
"When you promise to talk to me about this, I will", I say while struggling to keep my balance.. I guess he isn't much lighter than me
"OK, OK! But later, after dinner, k?", Scottie asks.
"K, Scottie. But I'll hold you to it!" I say as I put him down.
Scottie just sorta looks at me and grins, then turns back towards the river and sprints off.
"Hey asshole, wait up!" I yell as I run to catch him. "Your heavy ass wore me out!".