Hi guys,
Here is chapter 39 of Coach's Assistant. I hope that with the summer is getting there for real now are happy to read a new chapter of my story. I have finished chapter 40 as well which I send to my editor so I hope that it will be out soon too at least before my holiday. Chapter 40 will go together with a new questionairy on my website about that chapter. Why you will find out after you have read chapter 40 but so far here is chapter 39 for your pleasure to read.
Just to remember I love to hear what you think of the story sofar so keep in touch: noway16@hotmail.com or icq: 36967366 or visit my website at www.geocities.com/timsfunplace
Chapter 39
When I woke up the next morning, I could hear the soft sound of a snoring Francis beside me. Sometimes I still can't believe that I ever could have lived without that sound. Waking up to it just makes me feel so relaxed and secure.
For the next half hour, I watched him sleep. I played a bit with his hair, but not so that he'd wake up. It was Sunday and it was the start of an important week.
We'd have to do some work on the final routines and then, on Friday afternoon, we'd leave for the state championships. Later that evening there would be a visit to the place where the event was being held and then, on Saturday, the competition itself. Then Saturday evening would be the team evening out. They always did that after the last match, whatever the result was. But normally the meet was held in our home town and not at the place where the state final was. The fact that all the guys would be there to celebrate the end of a good season was a nice way to top it off.
I wanted Francis to sleep, but I knew I couldn't any more, so I just quietly left the bed. He moved around a bit but I seemed able to get up without waking him. When I was in my chair, my mind started to go back to last night. It had been an incredible evening. First the joke on Andrew and Peter, then the dance and the offer from Kathy's cousin. I closed my eyes when my mind started to think about what happened then. I still found it hard to believe that it was all sorted out already. It was strange that it all came together like that ... me seeing the picture of Randy's boyfriend, then the arrival of that same boyfriend and my dad and Joshua taking care of that as well.
The doc had been right on certain points: he knew the feelings of a slave boy very well, it seems. I sometimes still had the feeling that I needed the humiliation, the pain, to get really excited or was it just the tension that made it so good?
I was lost on this point and, although there would be a time I would have to deal with it, I'd better not go into it too much this week, for there were other things to concentrate on now.
I looked at Francis again. He was lying there, very peacefully sleeping, when I saw my sketchbook lying on the other side of the table. I reached for it and, for the next 45 minutes, I was lost in what I was doing. Slowly a sleeping Francis appeared on my book, first his face and the way it was draped on the pillow and then more slowly the rest of him. The duvet rested just a bit above his belly button but there was still a good view of his muscled stomach. I continued to the lower part where one leg was there for me to see and the other was covered.
For the last part of the picture, the bed and the floor, I didn't have to look at Francis any more, so I was a bit startled when I heard my name said not far from my ears.
"Morning, Nicky."
This was followed by a quick kiss on my forehead. I knew he would try to look at what I'd done but I'd just gotten an idea and I didn't want him to see it yet. I quickly closed the sketchbook.
"Hmmm, having secrets again, Nick?" he asked.
"It's not yet finished, Francis, so until then, no peeking."
"Well, I'm sure it's good as usual. But I must say, it was great to watch you working."
"You were awake?" I said, surprised.
"I woke up while you were drawing and I just enjoyed the view."
I got up from my chair and our lips met in a nice lip lock.
"What time is it? Aren't we expected downstairs?"
"I guess so," I answered, a bit disappointed.
"I've been up for some time now, but I knew you needed your sleep. I think I heard the others go down, one after the other, in the past hour or so. I have the idea it's around midday or so."
We got dressed and walked downstairs.
Everyone was sitting around the dinner table. We joined them and there was some small talk, mostly during dinner. Just around the time we were finished, the doorbell went.
My dad went to open it and came back with Joshua.
"Sorry to disturbed you, but I thought you'd want to know that we just put the doc on a plane back home. I think we'll have the tapes in our hands before the end of the afternoon."
"So you've already let him go?" David asked.
"Yea, we had to. There just wasn't enough evidence to hold him longer and I knew your dad didn't want to press charges."
"So why did you take him in anyway, then?" Alexei went on.
"Oh, didn't he tell you?" He looked at my dad as he said this.
"No," came out of several mouths around the table.
"We only made him go to jail for a night to make sure he knew what he was in for if he didn't comply with our arrangements."
"Do you think spending a night in a cell did the trick?" David asked this time.
"Oh, it wasn't an ordinary night in jail, I can tell you that. We made sure that he was scared to death by the time he left. It was kind of risky, but we let out word that he was not there for the normal type of crime."
Hmmm, I thought. What did he mean by that? But when I saw smiles on several faces at the other side of the table, it hit me, too. He must have had a rough night ... well, exactly what he deserved, I thought.
"I have to go for now, but I'll keep you informed."
"So that's what you needed him for!" I said to my dad the moment that Joshua had left.
"Yea, sorry guys. I couldn't tell you because we didn't know how this would end, so we had to be careful, but I don't think that the doc had a quiet sleep last night, if he slept at all."
"Good!" Randy said, a bit louder than he expected as we looked at him.
"Sorry, guys, but I'm just about to realize what happened yesterday. I'm really happy that he's out of my life ... although I've no place to stay at the moment, and no clothes and so on ... but I guess I have the money now to deal with all of that."
"Well, you can stay here until you've sorted things out. I think that Francis and Nick wouldn't mind sharing a room for a while ... although they know they'd better focus on their gymnastics this week."
"We will, dad. We promised that, so you'll just have to trust us."
"Are you sure, Nick? You ask me to trust your young hormones?"
"Well, you might not trust me, but I know you trust Francis to have better judgment on that question."
He looked carefully at me to see if I was making a joke, then turned to Francis and said, "Yes, I think I'd better trust Francis to do the right thing at the right time in this case."
I laughed a bit but that died as I was attacked by Francis. He didn't say anything but he knew what I'd just done. I could dare him as much as I wanted this week and he had to be the responsible one and keep me away from him ... well, not always, but most of the time.
"Thanks, sir. I'll make sure I won't be a burden too long," Randy added.
"That's fine, Randy. You might even want to come along next weekend for the meet. I think the guys would love that."
We stopped fighting and beamed at Randy at the same time. "Yes, that would be fun! Could you, Randy?"
"I'll see. I don't have anything planned for the next three weeks, so perhaps."
"So, what are you going to do for the rest of the afternoon today?" my dad asked to no one in particular.
Alexei answered first. "Well, I have to be out of here within the next 30 minutes. That'll give me just enough time to get back. I think I'll see you next Saturday, but I'm not sure if I can make it back here before the meet. If you need help, or if there's anything you need to know about your routines, let me know."
"I think I need to do some homework today," David answered.
I looked at Francis. "We didn't plan anything, dad, so we're not sure."
"Well, maybe having a quiet afternoon is the best thing for all of us."
So, more or less the rest of the afternoon was spend very quietly. After we said goodbye to Alexei, we went to our rooms, relaxed and did some homework.
The rest of the week was just about the same as the weekend. It was time to just let things rest. I knew there were some things that I wanted to talk about with Francis and I had the idea that Randy wanted to talk, too, but for some reason we all felt it was better to wait until after the meet. Joshua came by on Monday evening to deliver the tapes to Randy. He was relieved that he had them. Joshua thought there were no copies made, at least not yesterday, so that was reassuring.
The week went by quickly. We had special training sessions on some of the more specific techniques on Monday and Wednesday. We'd have the Friday off, as we'd leave around 1 p.m. That Friday morning was very hectic. It started with me being a bit irritated because we had overslept and Francis wanted to go shower separately. It was one of the few things we had been doing that week, showering together ... and most mornings, we'd ended up using a lot of water.
Then, when I had everything packed, my phone rang. It was Mike. He wanted to see if he could make an appointment with me for next week. I hadn't been thinking about the promise I made to him but I said I'd think about it and would call him back after the weekend.
It was all getting to me, I guess. Maybe it had been a bad idea to put off all the things we needed to do until after the weekend. I wanted to visit the shrink with Francis, to see if we could work on a few things ... and then there was Randy. He was really a good friend and I knew he needed help ... but I just didn't have the energy to give it to him. All in all, I felt drained that morning. So, after I had been snapping at Francis for quite some time and later, during breakfast, at my dad and David, I'd had enough.
"Dad, what time do we need to leave?"
"Around midday, Nick. We need some time to pack our gear before we leave and I could use your help with that."
"OK, then. I think I'm going upstairs for a while."
"Are you feeling OK, Nick? You seem ...."
"Yea, I know. Sorry guys, but it seems the tension is getting to me." Or at least that is what I wanted them to believe.
"You want me to join you, Nick?" Francis asked.
"No, I think I need some time alone, if you don't mind."
"Of course. Just let me know if you need me up there for any reason."
"Ehhh ... ummm ... just remember your promise, Francis, especially so soon before the meeting," my dad said.
Francis started to blush but there was no way I'd save him from this one.
I left them and went upstairs. My god!!! I was so fed with it all! I just had the feeling I wanted to go downstairs and tell them that I was not going to compete this weekend. I knew that was totally out of the question. I had promised dad but still ....
I just sat on my bed for quite a while before I walked to my desk and opened my computer.
I still hadn't written back to James, although I'd read his e-mail several times. I knew we'd see each other later this weekend but maybe it was a good idea to write him back:
Hi, James,
Sorry it took me this long to respond to your mail, but it's been quite a weekend. I'm sure Alexei will tell you about it when he sees you this weekend. It's too much to write down in an e-mail! The best thing is, it all came out for the best. We're just packing to leave for the meet, so I hope to see you there tomorrow.
Regarding your questions: I haven't told Francis about it yet, although he knows I still have submissive feelings ... or, at least, I have a hard time dealing with that stuff. We're supposed to have a joined session with the shrink later this month before our holiday.
But I think you'll be surprised by Alexei's reaction. I think he'll take it better than you think he will. He's not a very closed-minded person at all.
About the holiday ... I think Alexei still hopes the grant will get through but we won't know the result for about another week, so we just have to keep our fingers crossed. If it succeeds, that might make it a bit easier for your mom to decide.
Well, I'd better go and get ready, I guess. Take care and see you tomorrow.
Bye.
Nick
Now what? I looked at my bed and decided to crawl into it. I got my copy of Lord of the Rings and started to read for a while. I was hit on my shoulder by something. I tried to push it away but there it was again. Hmmm ... I slowly woke up. I'd fallen asleep. I turned around and saw Francis standing there. "What?"
"Sorry to wake you, Nick, but it'll be time to leave in about 20 minutes. I wasn't sure if you wanted to shower before you go."
I turned around. I wasn't sure I even wanted to leave. I knew I had to ... but lying here in my bed felt pretty comfy as well ... just getting lost in the land of Frodo and his companions and thinking about nothing important.
"Nick, did you hear what I said?"
"Yea, that I need to get up and shower so we can go."
"Are you OK, Nick?" Francis asked with some concern in his voice.
"Yea, yea ... stop asking me that, Francis."
Oh, damned! I could feel I wasn't being honest with him. I was just taking things out on him while he couldn't do anything about how I felt.
I could feel his eyes on my back and I didn't want to look around and meet them. I just couldn't.
"OK, I'll leave you. I'll take your bags downstairs if they're ready. OK?"
"Yea, yea, fine," I mumbled .
I heard him leave the room.
Damned, why now? I'd been going OK all week. Training had gone well. Nothing special had happened otherwise ... so why didn't I feel happier, more interested? I knew that, in the back of my head, things that had happened on the Sunday were still around. It wasn't something that would go away. I knew that. Randy had been sleeping at our place but had been quite busy too with arranging a lot of stuff, so we didn't see him that much at all.
There were things that made me wonder, and maybe talking with Randy would help me a lot more than talking with Francis or the shrink. He knew what I felt or, at least, that is the feeling I got after all that had happened that weekend. Then there was Mike. What did he want? I thought I'd closed that part of my life, especially after he left the team. Damned, I thought. Why this weekend? The team was depending on me. I knew I'd let them down ... there was no way I'd have a good performance the way I was feeling at the moment.
I heard someone coming up the stairs. Then my door was opened. I didn't want to look over. I knew that I'd snap if someone said something now.
"Nick?" my father's voice said softly.
He continued when he noticed I didn't answered. "Nick, are you OK? You seem to be a bit distracted this morning. Are you nervous about tomorrow?"
I slowly turned around. I knew I had to say something. I could behave like an adult.
"I think so," I said softly.
"Well, that's quite normal. It's nothing to worry about. Whatever happens tomorrow, I'll be proud of you. I know it's only your third actual competition, so don't out too much pressure on yourself."
I looked at his face. "Just take it easy. Relax a bit. Did you pack your sketchbook?"
"Yes, I've done that."
'Well, then, maybe you should see if you can put some time in your preparation for the meet tomorrow. It could help you relax, you know."
"Yea, it just might. Sorry dad, but I'm just not feeling too well. It might be the tension of the meet tomorrow ... but I just don't know."
"Don't worry. It's probably just the stress of everything that's happened lately."
'Yea, could be."
"So, if you want to have that shower, you'd better hurry. I want to leave in 15 minutes but we're ready to go ... so there's time enough for you to do that."
I knew he was holding back. I could still hear the concern in his voice. Well, this was all he was going to get at this point, and I think he knew that as he didn't ask any more questions.
I stood up and walked to the shower. I knew I'd just have to get this over with ... not only the weekend but the talk with Francis and the shrink, the chat with Mike and even talking with Randy.
I did make it, just on time, as the others were already in my dad's car when I came downstairs. Randy was not there, but would drive with Brian, Andy and James to the venue on Saturday morning. When I got into the car, I saw the worried look on Francis's face so I bent forward a little and kissed him. I wasn't sure that was doing a lot of good but at least I could see a smile on his face for a few seconds.
We drove down to the school, got the rest of the gear and boarded the bus. My dad would drive behind the bus. We arrived at the end of the afternoon. The meet was being held in a bigger city than ours, so the traffic was heavy. I heard my dad talk with the bus driver; it seemed we'd have the bus for the whole weekend.
"OK, guys. I'll go into the hotel and get the keys. You all get your things and make your way to the reception area, so I can hand out the keys there."
We got our gear and walked into the hotel. It looked quite decent and, with us being just schoolboys, it immediately made a big impression. I saw my dad standing at the reception desk, talking with some guy. He then came towards us.
"Well, guys, I don't think I have enough keys for all of us, but we've made an arrangement that just could do. I know you want to have separate room, or just share with one person, but that is out of the question. I have two rooms where four people can sleep and two rooms where three people could sleep and another four rooms for two."
He handed out the keys as he thought best, leaving me, Francis and David for the last.
"Sorry, guys, but I hope you'll have no problems sharing this weekend, will you?"
He had asked similar question to others and made some changes but ... well, with only the three of us left, there wasn't a lot of choice. I had hoped to be alone with Francis but now, with the three of us, it would be pretty crowded. I knew David wouldn't mind if we did some kissing and cuddling kind of stuff, but that was all we were going to get to do.
We got to the room and, indeed, it was designed just for two persons with an extra cot, so there wasn't a lot of space.
"So, you'd better keep your hands above the sheets tonight, guys. I'm not sure I want to hear you doing anything," said my brother.
I knew this would be coming. "Stuff it, David." I just was not up for any funny remarks.
"Oh, well, I wasn't planning on stuffing anything, Nick, but you might."
"Oh, take it easy," Francis said, but I think it was too late.
"Is that all you can think of?" I shouted at him .
He looked surprised but ... as I learned later from Francis ... that was because my reaction was totally out of character. I knew I had to get out of there. Spending time together, the three of us, would be a mistake. I felt the walls closing in and the staring faces of both Francis and David were driving me mad.
I walked to the door, opened it and slammed it hard as I left the room. When I was at the elevator, I think I heard my name but I didn't look back and just stepped right onto it.
My god! Why were they all so stupid today? Like life was that easy! In a daze I walked out of the hotel. A few times I was sure I heard my name but I kept walking pretty quickly. I had no idea how long I walked aimlessly, but I ended up at some small place where a big sign in the window flashed "coffee." I looked around for the first time, I think, and I saw that I'd ended up in a small shopping center.
I could feel my wallet in my pocket and I walked inside. I felt a bit thirsty.
I had no idea how long I sat there. The waiter had asked me twice already if I wanted something else. The first two times, I just nodded and he went away; the third time, I thought he'd left but I could feel someone looking at me.
I lifted my head up and looked at him.
"Is something the matter?"
When I didn't answer, he continued. "Do you want another cup of coffee?"
Again, at first I didn't answer and then I just nodded.
He walked to the counter where a waitress was standing. They started a talk and then I saw they both looked in my direction. I quickly turned away and looked again at the very old- fashioned pattern the table was made of.
"Here's your coffee. Do you want anything to eat with it?" This time it was not the guy's voice but the woman's, so I looked up again.
"No, thanks, I'm fine."
"Well, to be honest, young man, I'm not completely satisfied by that answer, as I think you're not fine at all. Look at yourself."
What, I thought. Now even here they're starting to bully me? Wasn't there any place where I was safe in the world?
So instead of answering in a normal way, I started to yell at her. Indeed, I think I yelled quite loudly at her. I know I had quite a vocabulary of foul words but, from what I heard later on, I must have created quite a few new ones as well.
When I realized she wasn't saying anything, but just listening to me with a little smile on her face, I started to stutter. Then I went silent and started to panic.
What was I doing here? Where was I? My god, this wasn't me! I think she must have seen the panic on my face as I realized that I didn't even know the name of the hotel I was in. Damned! They must be worried sick. I'd simply yelled at Dave and left, just like that.
I slowly sat back down on my chair. I'd risen up a bit to stand up to her when I'd started to shout. I felt more than just her two eyes on me. Damn! What had I done? I looked again at her. She still had a small smile on her face.
The waiter came walking quickly towards us and shouted to the waitress, "I've called the police. They're on their way."
The word "police" was the only thing I heard but somehow that was enough. My god, what a day! Now what? I felt tears well up in my eyes. Unable to control them, I started to cry ... not a bit but a lot ... not softly, no, very loud.
I was completely lost now in my tears and in my own thoughts about what I'd been doing that day. I guess, looking back now, that all the stress and troubles that had been in my mind just came out all at once.
I felt an arm around me and I turned a bit as, I guess, a chest was offered.
Not even realizing it was a complete stranger, I hugged and cried onto her chest. When I started to calm down a bit, I realized what I was doing and, a bit ashamed, I sat back.
"Don't worry. Whatever is wrong, you're safe here. Don't worry about the police. You didn't do anything wrong, so there is nothing to be concerned about."
"Sorry, ma'm," I said, not sure what else to say.
"Well, I must say that, for a minute, you scared the hell out of me but then I realized you were only shouting and would probably do nothing more."
"I've never done this before. I think I just snapped."
She smiled a little. "Well, we started to worry about you when you sat here for more then 90 minutes on your own. You didn't look too happy and we weren't sure if there was something we could do or just leave you alone. But, then again, that's just not my way of doing things, so I maybe pushed a bit too much."
"Thanks," I said. "It has just been a rotten day, I guess."
"That can happen to anyone, I guess. So is there anything you want? Anything I can do for you?"
"I'm not sure. At the moment I think there's only one person who can shed some light on all of this, and I'm not seeing him for another five days or so."
"Ah, well! I'm here, so if you think that talking might help, I can listen."
I looked at her. She smiled a bit.
"You know, sometime talking helps."
She was right. Talking had been the only thing that I hadn't done that day and see where that had gotten me! Damn! I'd promised myself to open up and talk when things got rough. I knew there were others that I could trust and share my concerns with. My god! Again I'd done it! I thought I'd been over it, but it seems that I still had a lot to learn. I again looked at her.
"Do you have the time?" I said quietly.
"Charlie, I'll take my dinner and coffee break right now."
She didn't wait for an answer but I saw that Charlie simply smiled and went on with his job. I looked around the place before my eyes rested on her again. Not a lot of people were around at all, and slowly I started to talk. First about my mom, then about the rape, the help of a great friend, the docs. The way I had started to get back on to my feet and the way I was doing with gymnastics and drawing. Somehow it all started to flow out of my mouth and I could feel more and more coming out. We were interrupted by Charlie, who brought us two cups of coffee. I realized that it must be time for her to go back to work, so I ended by saying, "Sorry for all of this, but I know that I should have talked about it all before and not kept it inside me. I knew if I tried to do that, I couldn't handle it and I thought I'd learned my lesson. Thanks for listening."
She looked at me before saying anything, "My god! All that in one year?"
That wasn't exactly the reaction I'd expected. I hadn't told her I was gay but I suppose from certain parts of the story I told her, she might have guessed that I was.
I just smiled, not knowing how she would respond.
"I'm not surprised you went over the line."
At that point, a police car stopped in front of the shop. My god! The police! They'd called them.
"Don't worry. I'll handle them."
As they walked towards us, the first officer asked, "So, trouble again, Jenny?"
"No, not at all. Just a big misunderstanding, nothing more."
"Oh, that's not what Charlie told us."
"Well, let's say that we talked it over and he's fine now."
'Are you sure? We don't want anything happening like a few weeks ago."
"No, I think I can trust him. He's not the violent type,"she said, smiling at me.
I got a hard stern look from the police officer.
"Maybe not."
"I'd better go, then. No chance of a free coffee then either?"
"What do you think? You didn't made it here within ten minutes, so you can guess the answer."
"Yea, sorry, but I was on a house call."
"For more than an hour?"
Damn! It hit me then how late was it! I looked around to see if there was a clock in the room. When I saw it, I did a double take. Damn! It was already 9 p.m. Oh, fuck!
I really was in trouble now.
I stood up, almost bumping into the table. The policemen turned around and came back towards me when he saw me jumping up.
"I'm in big trouble! Damn!"
"Take it easy," Jenny said when she saw that the policemen were closing in on us.
I started to calm down. The policemen stayed where they was and I looked at Jenny.
"I really need help. Did I tell you about the tournament we're here for?"
"Yes, you said something about that. So, what's the problem?"
"We had our pre-trial training this evening that I missed, to start with, but the most important thing is, I ran out of the hotel without looking where we were staying, so I've no idea where that is."
Jenny looked at the policemen.
"It seems we have a use for you, after all, but you're going to have to earn your free cup of coffee."
"What's the name of the school or venue where this tournament is being held?"
Now, did I remember the name? I told them it was a gymnastic meeting for the state championships.
"Oh, I know that," Charlie shouted from the back. "I've been on the city team for two years and they told me they'd organize it this year but I graduated last year, so I'll miss it."
So the policemen got the information from Charlie. We started to leave. I suddenly realized that this was goodbye to Jenny, a women I'd never seen before, but felt like I'd known her all my life. I turned around, walked back and opened my arms to hug her.
"Thanks, Jenny. I won't forget this." When I let her go, she had a big smile on her face.
"Glad I could be of assistance, young man. I hope next time that you open up to your friend or even your dad, as I know they'll be there for you just as I was."
"I know. I'll think of you and then I'll probably know what to do."
"Good luck tomorrow."
"Thanks."
We left the restaurant and the policemen drove me to the venue. It was a big place. When I arrived, there was no sight from the school bus or my dad's car. Damn, I thought. I should have known, they'd already gone back. The policemen walked towards the entrance. There were still some people around and they asked them if they knew something about tomorrow's schedule. When they pointed towards me, I saw a big smile appearing on the guys' faces and they came walking towards me.
"It seems they've been looking for you. They were here before but left early as they wanted to go see if they could find you."
"Damn! I've ruined everything!"
"I'm not sure about that, son, but they left the address of the hotel, so that's good."
We got back in the car and the policemen contacted the station to let the hotel know that I was on the way. I was a bit lost in my own thoughts as we drove to the hotel.
When the car stopped, I saw people run towards us. I knew I'd be in for it.
Before I could open the door, it was opened for me and I was dragged out of the car and several hands tried to touch me and see if I was OK. I stepped back a bit and looked at them.
My dad, David, Francis and a bit further back the other team members were all there.
"Are you OK, son?" my dad asked.
I saw several looks of distress on their faces.
"Yes, I'm fine."
The policemen who had walked towards us got hold of my dad and they walked a short distance away. Now it was Francis's turn to ask several questions at the same time.
"Don't you think it'd be better to move inside first?"
"Yes, come on, guys," David said.
I followed them inside. When I looked back, I saw the policemen talking with my dad.
I sat down in the reception area.
"Sorry, guys, to worry you all. I didn't intend to ruin your training tonight. But I had no idea which hotel we were staying in when I left."
"Well, we trained for a while, not as long as we expected, but I'm sure we'll be fine," David answered.
They all started to talk among themselves, how great the place looked and how big the stands were ... that sort of thing. I looked between David and Francis so I could see outside where my dad was still talking with the policemen.
The policemen were pointing at me and then they shook hands and my dad walked back in.
"Well, guys, I think we've had enough excitement for tonight! I guess we should turn in and prepare for tomorrow's meet. I'll see you all downstairs at 7 for breakfast."
The guys started to get up and, one by one, they walked to the elevator.
"Shall we follow them?" he said to David, Francis and me.
I knew this was not yet finished, not for one moment. I thought my dad would leave it be until tomorrow, but I could see that would not be the case. When we came at our floor, my dad walked with us to our room.
"I thought it might be better to talk, just the four of us, before going to bed."
"Yea, good idea," David said.
"So, Nick, what happened?"
"I guess I just lost it, dad."
"Yea, we thought as much. When we all talked about it, we agreed you were not quite yourself all day today and, although we all saw it, we didn't realize how far it had gone."
"Yea, sorry again about that. David, Francis, please forgive me."
"Oh, you're allowed one day of bitching at me, Nick, so it's OK. It's good to have you back, though," David said. He hugged me as he said it.
I looked at Francis. He'd not said a lot and I knew there would be some work, and a lot of talking, for me to make it up to him again.
"So, are you OK for tomorrow?" my dad asked.
"Yea, I think so ... or, at least, I will be."
"OK, that's important but I think we need to do some more talking, Nick. It's not good to leave it this way."
"I know but not tonight or tomorrow, OK?" I said, looking at my dad.
"Fine, as long as you're able to concentrate on tomorrow."
"I will. I know what to do now."
"Do you really know that, Nick?" Francis asked, concerned, after dad had left the room.
"I know. I've been through a lot, Francis, and I know after all I've put you through, it might not be easy to trust me ... but I think I am."
"Good! Now that's settled, we'd better go to sleep. We need to be up pretty early," David said as he started to undress.
I saw Francis's eyes follow David's movements. Now that was strange! We'd seen each other naked many times before.
"Is it that easy then, Nick?" Francis asked.
"What is, Francis?" I was a bit lost.
"Well, getting back, having your concentration?"
I put my arm around him. "I know, Francis, that I can perform tomorrow. I have no idea if it'll be a very good one but at least I won't let the team down. I also know," and at this point, I looked straight into his eyes, "that I have a long way to go. But I have friends around me with whom I can talk and as long as I do that and don't let it build inside me, I should be OK."
He let out a big sigh and said, "OK. Well we'd better go to sleep then." He moved a short distance away from me and started to undress as well. David had crawled into bed by that point and I followed Francis.
He was a bit faster than I was, so he was already in bed by the time I was ready to do the same. I looked at him. He was at the far other end of the bed, not in the middle, as he usually was. I crawled into bed and moved towards him. Not sure what to do, I just lay down and put my arm over him. There was no reaction but he didn't push me away, either. Then, after we'd been lying like that for about ten minutes or so, his hand took hold of mine, gently squeezing.
I thought, good. That's better. I could hear that David was asleep as his breath was easy and regular. I knew he'd always been a fast sleeper. I could only dream about that.
I listened to the sound of the breathing of the two persons that meant so much to me in my life: David who had been there in a way I hadn't expected, easy to get along with and very supportive and here, beside me, the person that I could not live without. I just knew that. I started to doze off a bit, as I realized that the rhythm of David and Francis's breathing just had started to coincide. My god! Now what a sound that was, so reassuring to have them both here. With that sound, I slowly drifted off to sleep.
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